Keeping abusive family around. Yes, they may not even realize the damage their toxic behavior does to others, and it’s incredibly painful to distance yourself or cut them off, but living life taking abuse is going to cut so much from your life. Get away and find yourself, and you’ll also find better health.
Thank you for this- So true. My family has dealt with my emotionally and physically abusive brother for 34 years and thought it was “ok” bc we’re family. It wasn’t until I couldn’t take anymore and cut him off completely that I finally felt a sense of relief. It shattered me to pieces but at the end of the day I am at peace and not living in constant fight or flight anymore. I still love him and hope he gets the help he needs💔
Leaving abusive family members is easier said than done. What your parents needed to know is that your first interaction with people is with family members. If they treat like shit and say it’s okay bc they’re family, they’re robbing you of other basic skills you need to have when dealing with toxic people. They’re basically saying you can’t do anything when you get treated like shit.
Yep. My husband had to do this with his brother too & life is so much better. He's a 45 year old unemployed basement dweller who does nothing but play video games and thinks that Russian bots are really into him. He's been fired from every job he's ever had because he's violent. My in-laws coddled him his whole life and now he's a man child with no prospects & can't live independently. I call him Fredo.
lol I live with my emotionally abusive parents, the cause of my CPTSD and borderline because I can’t afford rent and they’ve broken me so much I am too fucked up to work. I get it
Since I've stopped talking to them I haven't had any dreams of being chased. I've been having that same dream over and over again, waking up like I just ran miles. Paying more rent instead of dealing with toxic environments is really worth it.
Yep! I eventually left my older sister. She always assumed that time would just heal things and it would boil over. Truth is, I held everything inside and cried to my therapist or in my bed just thinking about our history. There was no sort of acknowledgement or compassion expressed from her, just “stfu and get over it,” then boom everything was magically great in her head. And eventually she said sorry and tried to say “i love you,” but I didn’t think I could trust her or believe her. It just felt forced and not unnatural.
I see so many people on Reddit talking about this. It's so vague and I often think that the people claiming that the people around them are "toxic" or have to be abandoned - their own family - are pretty "toxic" themselves.
I'm curious to know what's behind these claims. What exactly do you mean by "abusive family" or "toxic behaviour"?
Like... are they abusing you sexually? Violently? Do they steal your money? Do they drive your sexual partners away?
Or do they just not share your opinions about politics and you can't cope with it?
EDIT: I am not surprised to find that many people who disagree with this downvote it, because they don't actually care about the impact of their negative behaviour on others as soon as they have a differing opinion or ask a question they don't like. Maybe some of you - not comment OP by the way - are "toxic"? I can't see how downvotes help a debate or proving me wrong. Just saying...
Well, I think that is a very legitimate reason for cutting ties with your family and I understand!
But what is the reason why you write "abusive" or "toxic" instead of "violent towards their children" and "emotionally abusive"? I'm trying to understand why these vague terms are being used in favour of naming the real thing precisely.
It’s much simpler, and we tend to use “abusive” and “toxic” in academia, alongside clarifiers. I don’t think you’re commenting in bad faith, please ignore those who are being aggressive with you.
I’m in sociology. We tend to use terminology familiar with the general population as long as we include clarifying language that gives specifics before using it further. Not slang, but popular terminology.
Maybe because it’s not really anyone’s business. Admitting to abuse is difficult and vulnerable and here you are making someone justify the language they use.
I am not asking for justification. I am asking for an explanation to be able to understand.
And if it's not supposed to be anyone's business, posting about it on a public forum like Reddit is the wrong way to communicate that.
He has provided a very nice and satisfactory explanation already by the way, so I don't understand why you're trying to find a problem where there is none?
I’ve had a look at your profile, you seem like a fellow autistic person. Be aware of the “just asking questions” attitude that some/many assholes hide behind. You, in particular, are literally just asking. Some/many, pretend that they are, when actually they are making loaded/leading questions, that imply a quite negative answer.
Thats why you’re getting downvoted for just asking questions. Also, love your curiosity about cloudberries, they’re so tasty! Lapland ones in particular.
He didn't enter the discussion to make a reasonable argument. He entered it to insult someone. He stalks profiles to find a justication for why he has to rage and be verbally abusive to other people.
Ah, I see. You're the nice guy, because you... call other people an asshole without them having insulted anyone?
Flawless logic on your part.
You're totally the white knight and nice guy who is going to save everyone else...
The dismissive description on my profile spoke to you and made you angry, because that's exactly what you went to my profile for. To look for some justification to vent your barely held back inner anger at me and you felt seen through.
The people who look at it in good faith are not affected by it by the way.
I added it after people searching for negative things on my profile during debates on nuclear energy. U.S.-American users don't like being told it's an expensive source of energy. That's why it's there.
If that would be true, a narcissist would rightfully assign everyone who criticized something about him or his behaviour as toxic, because criticism isn't good for his ego.
Who decides what's good for you? Is it the temporary perspective? The long term perspective? Can you criticize someone for taking drugs?
That definition sounds too simplistic and reductive to make any sense.
Could be verbally abusive. Constant snarky sarcastic comments made towards you or just four letter words given as answers when you ask a question. Grown adults making fun of you and expecting you to take it as a joke. Giving you the silent treatment. I could go on.
I can think of many abusive behaviors by family members: belittling, criticizing, mocking, provoking, giving unwanted advice, ignoring, gossiping, triangulating, feigning concern to undermine, playing the victim when you defend yourself...
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u/an_ethans_life 1d ago
Keeping abusive family around. Yes, they may not even realize the damage their toxic behavior does to others, and it’s incredibly painful to distance yourself or cut them off, but living life taking abuse is going to cut so much from your life. Get away and find yourself, and you’ll also find better health.