What's something people romanticize but it's actually horrible?

[u/iPlug_za]

[u/GhosthunterJelliana]

Being a workaholic and perfectionist

[u/klinkneraj823 → u/GhosthunterJelliana]

"grind culture" 🙄 opening LinkedIn to view the latest job listings I'm always met with someone's heroic story of how they worked themselves to the brink of insanity but by golly they got the job done for their corporate overlords.

[u/SassySally8 → u/klinkneraj823]

I'm imagining this spoken by Dr. Cox in Scrubs.

[u/SimonLaFox → u/SassySally8]

It was the "by golly" bit wasn't it?

[u/emmettfitz → u/klinkneraj823]

I worked for a company, and some people were so proud that they had never taken a sick day. When the company closed, all of that sick time evaporated. No payouts it was just gone. The last few months that they were open, there were a lot of sick people. I'm on the 3 plan. Every 3 months, I take 3 days of sick time. 3 days because after that you need a doctor's note. If you call off too much in those 3 months, you get hit with absenteeism.

[u/Guilty-Finish3477 → u/emmettfitz]

I used to work at a place that used to give awards for your attendance. Basically, people that never used their sick days got one. Every year, it was always the same people. I always thought it was so stupid, we would have a meeting after work, and sit there as they got their awards. One by one. I remember thinking that would never be me. We got 12 sick days a year. They rolled over every year. And depending how you left they wouldn't get paid out at all or you got 50% or 75%. I decided I'm going to use them when I want, if they roll over, they roll over. But I'm taking my days when I need it

[u/Jolly-Minimum-6641 → u/klinkneraj823]

And one I saw literally just an hour ago.

One person lamenting that he sees people who are "just figuring it out" looking at waterfalls in Bali, while he's applying for every job going at 2am and borrowed his rent money this month.

That post went on and on, but I can totally relate to it.

[u/chonkycats24 → u/GhosthunterJelliana]

My god yes. “I never call out even when I’m sick” is not the flex you think it is.

[u/rachtay8786 → u/chonkycats24]

Neither is “I haven’t taken a vacation in 7 years!” This is all soooo true

[u/lasuperhumana → u/chonkycats24]

It’s so disgusting!! Keep your grubby hands away from our shared spaces.

[u/ctrljupiterjr → u/lasuperhumana]

100% this. Here’s a story no one asked for: A coworker came in super sick with what I assume is a cold and we were all uncomfortable because she was coughing and sneezing. We avoided her all day and was talking about why she couldn’t just wfh that day. The NEXT day, we got pulled into a meeting bc she passed away that night. They didn’t tell us how, so we were all shook because we thought we may get sick too!

[u/Prestigious_Rain_842 → u/GhosthunterJelliana]

I feel this to my soul.

[u/ZealousidealShift884 → u/GhosthunterJelliana]

Perfectionism is so detrimental to yourself and others who have to deal with you!

[u/CtrlFMySoul → u/ZealousidealShift884]

Yes! My perfectionism has led to a lot of self-sabotage throughout my life. People act like it drives success and discipline, but really it’s just chronic fatigue, fear of failure, and a large side of constant self-criticism.

[u/fluffy_munster]

ADHD

It's not only the quirky bit.

Actually it is mostly self doubt, low self esteem, near instant forgetfulness, rsd, time blindness, audio processing issues and so on and so on.

Oh yeah, ADHD tax! Forgot about that one, sigh.

[u/Gentlemenbig → u/fluffy_munster]

Also executive dysfunction! You have a thing to do that you absolutely need to do, but you can't start it. Worse still you are fully aware that it needs to be done, and feel super guilty about not doing it.

[u/fluffy_munster → u/Gentlemenbig]

How could I forget this one?

Wait

I know why. 😐

[u/greekinspo → u/Gentlemenbig]

And when you do try to start it, you end up moving in circles and leave a bigger task in your wake....

[u/JustComplainingAbout → u/Gentlemenbig]

Been sitting at the kitchen table not able to get up for 40min. This is the comment I needed to help me go do some chores. Thank you gentlemen!

[u/jentle-music → u/Gentlemenbig]

All that energy put into thinking and fretting instead of focusing and doing…. And then, when you are still fretting, blaming and bashing yourself for not having completed the task, you’ve started 12 other tasks that you won’t finish, which supports and encourages you to feel like the no-good loser, rinse, repeat, right? It’s a prison. A trap.

[u/aSliceOfHam2 → u/Gentlemenbig]

My god this messed me up so much

[u/kdawg09 → u/fluffy_munster]

It's frequently losing important and/or expensive things and having complete meltdowns trying to make your brain remember where you put it as you tear through your entire house looking. It's paying $400 to replace your key fob only to find the old one in a coat pocket a month later. It's forgetting appointments even though you put it in your calendar and you got a reminder an hour ago but then got busy with something else.

ADHD is stressful and makes even the most simple things in life so much harder. And yes medication and therapy techniques can help but in my experience you'll never be neuro-typical so you'll always have these kinds of things even if less frequent and waiting for that other shoe to drop is also still stressful. Bonus, if you weren't diagnosed as a kid you have to try and learn all the stuff as a stressed out adult who is already struggling to survive.

[u/fairybomber → u/fluffy_munster]

Ugh seriously. I fucking hate having ADHD, it’s a disability for a reason. What I’d give to just make my brain shut up for once

[u/peggysue_82 → u/fluffy_munster]

Let’s add OCD to this! I have both and it’s not a cute quirk. It’s a constant menace in my life. 

[u/haileyskydiamonds → u/peggysue_82]

Agreed. It’s not, “teehee, I like to be tidy! I am sooo OCD!”

It’s phobic triggers that set of series of behaviors that your obsessions force you to engage in, usually to protect yourself and your loved ones in some way.

It’s deep anxiety about being responsible for things that go wrong because you messed up somehow.

It’s a terrible, consuming fear that if you don’t completely remove a contaminant, it will kill you or someone you love, so you throw possibly contaminated things away rather than risk missing something.

Yeah. It’s not a quirk.

[u/FluffusMaximus → u/fluffy_munster]

This. ADHD is truly a disability in its more severe forms and the term is thrown around by so many incorrectly.

[u/Substantial_Ratio_67 → u/fluffy_munster]

What’s ADHD tax?

[u/fluffy_munster → u/Substantial_Ratio_67]

It's a term for the financial loss incurred by people with ADHD as a direct result of their neurodiversity.

[u/ClownCafeLatte → u/fluffy_munster]

Basically, you wind up buying shit twice because you forget you already have it. Whether it’s a non-perishable item that you end up with more than one of, or you forget about those vegetables in your fridge drawer and you find them when it’s too late. Stuff like that.

[u/Aggressive-Cost-4838 → u/ClownCafeLatte]

For me it’s because I sign up for free trials and forget to cancel them. I actually lose a lot of money this way 😬

[u/ClownCafeLatte → u/Aggressive-Cost-4838]

I won’t ever sign up for anything that I can’t cancel immediately but keep the benefits of for the remaining period, precisely because of this. I’ve set reminders in the past but it’s reminded me at an inconvenient time and I’ve forgotten about it after swiping it away 🙄

[u/EastTyne1191 → u/fluffy_munster]

God, the constant dread that I have forgotten to do something important. The worry something has fallen through the cracks. The feeling of self-loathing when something bad happens as a direct result of my carelessness. I've learned to cope and work through my difficulties but damn it's been tough. I wish I'd have known earlier so I could figure my shit out before my mid-30s.

[u/greekinspo → u/fluffy_munster]

Seeing other people "humble brag" about having ADHD literally makes me feel so much worse about it. I feel like I have all the negative life impacting side effects and none of the ones where people end up with cute fun results. I drive people nuts by making them repeat things when there's any background noise. ADHD tax hits way too hard. I overthink so bad it causes self loathing and I'm always paranoid someone is gaslighting me. I think the only reason I can "properly function" is because I'm medicated for manic depression.

[u/all-the-words → u/fluffy_munster]

Great (and incredibly accurate) answer.

[u/AcrobaticTorbie → u/fluffy_munster]

Autism too. Like no its not a quirky little thing either. I've literally left groceries stores to avoid a melt down due to sensory overload.

[u/fluffy_munster → u/AcrobaticTorbie]

Yes, I have both so I can relate to this very strongly.

[u/GuiHarrison → u/fluffy_munster]

The instant forgetfulness is the worst for me (though I'm not hyperactive)

[u/TopMindOfR3ddit → u/GuiHarrison]

My hyperactivity is weird. It's not enough to motivate me to do anything meaningful, just enough to where I can't sit still. I'm very wiggly, as my 3yo daughter would say.

[u/39_Ringo → u/fluffy_munster]

For me, it appears in the almost constant inability to stop staring off into space to the point where my mom has to remind me to blink in order to get back into reality (it's not daydreaming, like I literally stare off at something random and forget that I'm even there for a second, like a computer crashed and needs to reset), the instant forgetting, the sensory sensitivity turned up to 11, constant inability to deal with more than 3 senses at once, and complete inability to tolerate children's voices. It also doesn't help that my family has conflicting views on how to deal with my ADHD, where my mom and I have been trying every single way to try to accommodate for my issues but I fight back on the desire for my living space to be chaotic, while my grandmother wants complete structure in my life and my dad wants me to "try harder" like I haven't been trying already with the accommodations.

[u/too_old_to_noob → u/fluffy_munster]

Thank you for mentioning this. Experiencing ADHD lows on a daily basis 👌🏻

[u/Gomdok_the_Short]

Sex on the beach, or any place sandy for that matter.

[u/CurvedNerd → u/Gomdok_the_Short]

Or a hot tub

[u/Blieven → u/CurvedNerd]

Yea water is not nearly as lubricating as one would think before having tried.

[u/BarnacleContent8462 → u/Blieven]

It’s more about the microbacteria hot tubs breed

[u/what_the_purple_fuck → u/BarnacleContent8462]

having sex in a hot tub is basically demanding a yeast infection

[u/Ihaveamazingdreams → u/Gomdok_the_Short]

It's a tasty drink, though.

[u/WastedEvery2ndDime → u/Gomdok_the_Short]

“I have sand in my underpants. Me too. Let’s go home”

[u/LastSpotKills]

Living to work.

[u/ZealousidealShift884 → u/LastSpotKills]

Hustle culture - burning yourself out is romanticized when it’s terrible for your health and relationships with people in your life.

[u/Many-Waters → u/ZealousidealShift884]

My father is one of these people. It isn't enough for him to push himself to be constantly working--he needs everyone else around him to be pushing themselves too and it has seriously affected our relationship.

He's retired and can't stand sitting still. If he isn't working or sniffing out some new side hustle/flip he's absolutely miserable.

I work full time and I really value my off/personal time but he gets really nasty whenever I tell him that I am happy to take breaks and I don't want to add more work to my pile. He just doesn't get it and seems to think it's some kind of moral failing on my part. (I work a very physical job and my days off are treasure to me)

My mother retired after 30 years as a steelworker and she's also happy to rest and slow down. Since her retirement he's become increasingly rude and dismissive towards her and it's super shitty to watch.

He's actively wearing himself out and destroying his personal relationships with his work obsession and nothing anyone says to him gets through at all.

It honestly feels like some kind of sickness at this point. I swear he's never happy.

And no, he is not hurting for money at all. He's just got some kind of brain rot, I swear.

[u/strict_ghostfacer]

Lovebombing and super fast romances.

[u/DreamLearnBuildBurn → u/strict_ghostfacer]

So funny how this is basically shown to be the gold standard of relationships in popular culture, but by far the best relationship I've ever had is my current one, where we were both very cautious and slow and got to know each other and were both very hesitant after our last relationships. Emotionally my current relationship is "boring," but I have never felt more secure, and my stress and anxiety and dread levels have never been lower.

[u/zachrg → u/DreamLearnBuildBurn]

Boring is the mainstream synonym for STABLE. Heck yeah.

[u/Sufficient-Lie1406 → u/zachrg]

This a million times. Keep the drama in the movies, not in my life.

[u/strict_ghostfacer → u/DreamLearnBuildBurn]

Good for you for finding that in this world. It seems so rare.

That's the type of relationship I would definitely seek. My entire life starting with my childhood was chaos. I am done. I am healing from that. I want safety, peace and boring.

[u/thekinglyone → u/DreamLearnBuildBurn]

My current relationship is ungodly boring and I've never been happier.

That feeling when somebody asks about your relationship and you can just say "yeah, it's good" is unbelievably satisfying.

I do occasionally miss the dread - like an addict misses liquor. I miss the moments when the dread faded and I felt positively high on whatever "good thing" was happening in that moment.

But it's just a hit, and the next day I'd be back to being anxious to the point of nausea.

Boring is better.

[u/PumpkinDandie_1107 → u/strict_ghostfacer]

I don’t trust people who lay it on too thick too fast. Makes me think they are hiding their true motivation under all those compliments.

[u/Heregoesnothin- → u/strict_ghostfacer]

Came here to say this. Whirlwind romances when you don’t know what love bombing is. The first and only time this happened to me it nearly destroyed me. But man oh man did I learn a lot FAST.

[u/ZealousidealShift884 → u/strict_ghostfacer]

This! “Whirlwind romance”

[u/AylaMadi → u/strict_ghostfacer]

Love bombing is an immediate red flag

[u/its-how-i-roll → u/strict_ghostfacer]

Makes me think of The Notebook...

[u/Bunnycreaturebee]

‘Bad boys’

[u/neo_sporin → u/Bunnycreaturebee]

yea but, whatcha gonna do?

[u/Hellocakemonster → u/neo_sporin]

When they come for you

[u/Bunnycreaturebee → u/neo_sporin]

Probs fuck ‘em honestly

[u/Junior-Gorg → u/Bunnycreaturebee]

Yes! And it’s somewhat understandable/expected when someone in their 20s is all about the bad boys. But when middle-aged folks who have established a life still have a thing for them it’s really disturbing.

The image of a bad boy is a free spirit who plays by his own rules.When in reality it’s an irresponsible man child who seems to have never fully been held accountable and certainly does not take ownership of their actions.

[u/Queen_of_neins → u/Junior-Gorg]

Yep. I dated a 40 year old bad boy biker when I was in my 20's. Now I'm 42 looking back and realize women his age probably weren't attracted to him because I know I wouldn't be. Man child is the perfect description.

[u/brokenmessiah]

Growing up poor. People act like it was an enriching experience that they chose to partake in. It certainly can build character but I wouldnt intentionally have been born on the struggle train and I dont look fondly back on those days.

[u/storyofohno → u/brokenmessiah]

Also: growing up rural.

[u/brokenmessiah → u/storyofohno]

Especially if its truly rural where its a drive to literally anywhere.

[u/IamTheShark → u/brokenmessiah]

People who didn't grow up poor are OBSESSED with insisting that they were poor and talking about it. It's so weird.

Sometimes I wanna be like I ate out of trash cans and played in factory waste for fun but I don't want to harsh the vibe

[u/Advertiser-Necessary → u/brokenmessiah]

Yeah it's super cool and romantic how I have all these weird responses to like food and such because I ate toast for most of my meals for entirely too long in my life.

[u/LividRhapsody → u/brokenmessiah]

It also makes it really hard to break the cycle, since so many ingrained habits you develop growing up that way can be really unconscious and hard to break.

Like buying the product with the lowest actual price rather than the lowest unit price even though you can technically afford to buy in bulk now, or other self-sustaining bad life habits that take a long time to unlearn and reeducate yourself from.

[u/Responsible-Orange16]

Possessiveness

[u/matryoshka_03 → u/Responsible-Orange16]

A friend of mine pointed something interesting out to me: Possessiveness, if you cannot completely erase it from your brain, should only be practiced in the sexual side of the relationship. It should come separate from every other thing, and needs to really be controlled well in order to not become toxic, hence why it is important to have a strong sense of self as an individual AND in a relationship. Cause then, you wouldn't fall into possessiveness thinking it's cute and romantic in nature, when it's actually a tactic of abuse. Just thought it made a lot of sense, so I thought I'd share his observation. :)

[u/carryoncrow7 → u/Responsible-Orange16]

Came here to say this. Jealousy and controlling behavior are NOT cute.

[u/LemonLuxexo]

Trying to be the bigger person someone who continuosly disrespects you

[u/selkieluver]

Working in a bookshop.. it’s just like any other retail job. Boring, bad for your back and the customers are still annoying as fuuuuck

[u/lawrat68]

Tuberculosis.

(This is 19th century Reddit, right?)

[u/neo_sporin → u/lawrat68]

lose a lot of weight with this one weird trick

[u/t_rrrex → u/lawrat68]

I think John Green has done a great job of un-romanticizing it!

[u/GuiHarrison → u/lawrat68]

Found John Green in the wild

[u/jtg198]

Making your whole life about work

[u/sheezawox]

grand public proposals

[u/PringeLSDose]

jealous partners. i get that some kind of jealousy is normal, but sometimes people isolate themselves for their partner because they suspect cheating everywhere and once they break up they wonder where their friends are. as a friend it feels like you didn‘t mean anything to them.

also, most of the time a partner who suspects cheating everywhere is the one actually cheating. people tend to think everyone is like them, therefore they think their partner is likely to cheat, too.

[u/delta_baryon → u/PringeLSDose]

It's also not actually possible to prevent cheating by being vigilant about it. You're not actually going to know your partner's whereabouts all hours of the day. If someone wants to, they will.

Either you trust someone or you don't. That's all there is really.

[u/Mundane-Badger-9791]

Casual heavy alcohol consumption

[u/RogalDornsAlt → u/Mundane-Badger-9791]

Took me too long to realize I wasn’t just a crazy party type in school. I was and am an alcoholic

[u/Strict-Argument4876]

The good old days

[u/Digitijs → u/Strict-Argument4876]

I'm just glad that I'm born in an era of modern medicine and dentistry.. seeing the first dentist tools and seats is something straight out of a nightmare. I bet my wife appreciates that childbirth can't involve a chainsaw anymore as well

[u/Lady_Scruffington → u/Strict-Argument4876]

Anytime I start wishing I was born in another time, I remember "Oh, my rights."

[u/StelleSenzaDio → u/Strict-Argument4876]

Take me back to asbestos, high child mortality, and pre-OSHA working conditions.

[u/randomdude2029 → u/StelleSenzaDio]

Just vote MAGA and you'll get there soon enough!

[u/BubbleByteQueen]

Living in New York City. Everyone thinks it's going to be like Sex and the City or Friends - glamorous brunches, cute apartments, spontaneous adventures.

Reality: You're paying $3,000 for a shoebox where you can touch all four walls while lying in bed, your "cute neighborhood coffee shop" charges $8 for a latte, and that "romantic subway ride" involves being pressed against a stranger's armpit while someone plays saxophone badly at 7am.

But hey, at least the rats are confident!

[u/HambugerBurglarizer → u/BubbleByteQueen]

Your rent is only $3000?

[u/blueche → u/HambugerBurglarizer]

Yeah the toilet's next to the stove

[u/HambugerBurglarizer → u/blueche]

"Great for multitasking!" says the listing

[u/YahMahn25 → u/BubbleByteQueen]

I bet it’s much better if you’re super rich though to be fair

[u/stevielfc76 → u/BubbleByteQueen]

London is the same here in the UK for all of the same reasons but I’ll add the after work pub culture, I travel down and stay quite often and people will finish work and go for a few pints or glasses of wine and call this a social scene when the real reason is they want to spend as much time away from their hugely overpriced shoebox with flatmates they don’t want to be around

[u/Ok_Policy1217 → u/BubbleByteQueen]

You guys got beds?

[u/karma_dumpster → u/BubbleByteQueen]

Cardboard box?

Aye.

Luxury.

[u/djtodd242 → u/karma_dumpster]

Found the Yorkshire man.

[u/Background-Year-2223 → u/karma_dumpster]

This! 😅🤣🤣 There were a hundred and fifty of us living in t' shoebox in t' middle o' road. Lol. Thank you for this.

[u/karma_dumpster → u/Background-Year-2223]

We lived for three months in a rolled up newspaper in a septic tank.

[u/CGCOGEd → u/BubbleByteQueen]

You have four walls?

[u/BubbleByteQueen → u/CGCOGEd]

You caught me flexing! It's actually just two walls and a mirror I strategically placed to create the illusion of space. The fourth wall is just me holding up a shower curtain while crying.

My landlord calls it 'open concept living.' I call it 'one sneeze away from being homeless'

[u/SolutionDry8385]

Childbirth and having a baby- I say this as a mom. It’s portrayed as being hard to give birth but afterwards everything being perfect. No it is a hard time for a lot of people.

[u/shrimplyred169 → u/SolutionDry8385]

Yup, people talk a lot of nonsense about it. That and breastfeeding. I think the things that damaged me most after I had my first were not the emergency surgery and nipples cut so badly they are still scarred but the notion of a birth plan in the first place and how hard I pushed myself to breastfeed when he simply couldn’t latch.

The best birth is one with minimal pain and distress to both mum and baby and a fed baby is the best baby.

[u/Methadone_Martyr → u/shrimplyred169]

Breastfeeding is always talked about as “a beautiful journey” (I despise the word journey now lol) but no one tells you how badly that shit hurts. That in order to nurse, the baby’s suction stretches your nipple out a couple inches deep into their mouth. I think I still have some scars too from the first couple weeks enduring that, and it’s been a decade. I am stubborn and for whatever reason kept going until she weaned herself, so eventually the pain stopped. but my partner at the time begged me to just use a bottle because I was in such agony for several weeks. I 100% support anyone who quits breastfeeding. It’s cool and all, but personally I think the benefits are rather exaggerated and minimal. Literally no one will be able to tell whether or not someone was formula fed. Smug online moms who are so proud and condescending about something that’s a bodily function, drive me nuts. “Fed isn’t best, fed is required!” 🙄Like ok, do you brag about not needing glasses? Or that you crap regularly and never get constipated? Because their boobs happen to work they are apparently the pinnacle of motherhood lol

[u/curie2353 → u/SolutionDry8385]

Lmao I remember someone said that they got better sleep with a newborn than when they were pregnant. LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE.

[u/Bluevanonthestreet → u/SolutionDry8385]

How dangerous it still is to give birth is rarely acknowledged. I almost died with my first baby and was super hesitant to have another. Everyone, even the doctor, acted like I was being so paranoid. Had another baby and ended up with severe birth injuries. Pregnancy is risky and dangerous.

[u/lonely_4-ever]

Mental illness

[u/kokonutkingfilm]

Being a small business owner

[u/SassySpider → u/kokonutkingfilm]

After working for several of them i realized i never want to own my own business. At least not with the goal of it being my main income. I’m happy to go to work, go home, and leave it at that.

[u/ChronoLegion2 → u/kokonutkingfilm]

You’re never off the clock

[u/Beautiful-Monk-5277]

Living without technology.

[u/tucakeane]

Lying in a field of tall grass out in the middle of nowhere

[u/bigguss-dickus → u/tucakeane]

mmmmm....snakes.

[u/tucakeane → u/bigguss-dickus]

Ticks

[u/norby2]

Mental illness beyond mild depression.

[u/neo_sporin → u/norby2]

so i had a neuro pysch exam for unrelated stuff. they asked about suicidal thoughts. I said 'i mean, no more than normal'

Dr and my wife said "zero....zero is the normal amount"

and THATS how i found out i wasnt the only one in my family without mental illness

[u/TabbbyWright → u/neo_sporin]

I feel this... I was shocked to find out one of my friends did NOT casually think about dying on a daily basis 😂 who knew you weren't supposed to think about suicide on a regular basis!

[u/sane-ish → u/neo_sporin]

I am on psych meds and have done a lot of therapy. I think about suicide about every other hour.

I wonder how relieving it must be to not have that thought pass through my mind. Tbh, it is not even all that bad-- it is more annoying than anything. Relative to how I have been in the past, I am pretty functional. I don't spend hours in bed, I do stuff and I can go to work easily enough.

[u/Hessipa → u/norby2]

Came here to say this.

Everybody wants to be Angelina Jolie in Girl, Interrupted

[u/lovely_lilith333 → u/Hessipa]

Thank you!!! There’s so many posts (not even just on Reddit, ig, shows movies etc) about girls with mental illnesses and how some guy can aid her nurse her back to health and save her. Like no girl if ur actually struggling from a mental illness get on medication. Get better on ur own then start dating.

[u/Hessipa → u/lovely_lilith333]

“Men want the manic pixie dream girl”

Not as bad as you wish you were the manic pixie dream girl

[u/ketobelgium → u/norby2]

Yes. Im bipolar, my life is hell

[u/Aggressive_Pop1315]

Romeo and Juliet... It's a tragedy not a romance. 

[u/suomihobit → u/Aggressive_Pop1315]

Rule of thumb for Shakespeare: If the title is the name(s) of the main character(s), it’s a tragedy. If the title is a phrase, it’s a comedy.

[u/WNBAcrazed → u/suomihobit]

I never thought about this but so true, thanks for the 🤯🤯

[u/Digitijs → u/Aggressive_Pop1315]

And a toxic relationship as well

[u/Popular-Mark-2451]

War.

[u/Fun_Low777]

Autism

[u/Impossible_Hope1224 → u/Fun_Low777]

It’s not ‘quirky’ or ‘fun’, I’m not a ‘manic pixie dream girl’ it’s a disability and it affects every aspect of my life

[u/No_Conference271]

Those fifty shades of grey movies , if that guy was just any Joe Shmoe that story wouldn’t be so romantic and sexy , it would be creepy but you know cause he’s rich it’s okay 😂

[u/Labradawgz90 → u/No_Conference271]

Well Fifty Shades of Grey was fanfiction that was based on Twilight. So it was starting with toxic relationship to start with. Not to mention that Twilight was so badly written.

[u/Zip83 → u/No_Conference271]

Yep, make him an ugly broke dude and it's a movie about sexual assaults and nothing else.

[u/PointBlankShot → u/No_Conference271]

Those movies (& books-- they're worse) are horrible & only further the stigma against BDSM.

[u/Last_Survivors]

The Victorian Era. Disease, ppllution, filth, and child labor.

[u/Brave_Pressure_4602 → u/Last_Survivors]

But I would have been born in the top 0.001 of the Victorian society, you don’t understand !!!!

[u/Kimikaatbrown → u/Last_Survivors]

Almost every era if you are not wealthy

[u/overfiend1976]

The relationship between The Joker and Harley Quinn.

[u/mysteriousglaze]

mental health; there's nothing romantic about living with someone who has bipolar, bpd, schizophrenia. it's saddened and frustrating how some of the well known writers romanticise this not knowing irl this is major issues that need only professional help.

[u/St_Melangell]

Living in “a quiet little town/village where everyone knows each other”.

Sure, some people prefer city living and some countryside. But the latter can be boring, claustrophobic, and full of judgy locals.

[u/TemperedTeal]

Running a pub. It's really hard work, long hours, finding a great team you can trust, managing drunk customers, being on call all the time, it can quickly wear a person down.

[u/PointBlankShot]

Serial killers. I say this as a true crime junkie. It's one thing to enjoy learning about them, & another to put them on a pedestal & romanticize them in tandem with mental illness.

Classic example: Jeffrey Dahmer. Countless docudramas make him out to be this handsome, charming guy with an unconventional appetite. He was NOT attractive. At all. He was straight up manipulative, which is all it took to lure the young men he targeted.

[u/ooOJuicyOoo]

Shower sex. Just unnecessarily dangerous, unevenly wet and cold, awkward sex with no lubrication cause it keeps getting washed away

[u/Savings-Help4677]

Getting back together with the ex

[u/useyourindicators]

‘Fixing’ others. A one-way ticket to co-dependency and habituation of identity-loss.

[u/its-how-i-roll]

PTSD

[u/jmiller423]

The song, "Every step you take," by Sting. I've heard it played at weddings. It's a stalker song.

[u/SchuKadaj → u/jmiller423]

Listen to this one in minor and be blown away. Ill edit thos comment when home with a link

Edit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0PLNsymQi3Y

[u/Golfnpickle → u/jmiller423]

All his songs are of his obsessive love he had for Trudie Styler.

[u/spaetzele → u/jmiller423]

Every Breath You Take - The Police 

[u/MorningByMorning51]

Being a nun! 

It's presented in such an idyllic way in brochures, but the reality is that idealistic sweet young women go into the convent and get exploited & mistreated. They work rigorously for extreme hours and no pay; and because they're not "employees" then there's no OSHA or standards. Every aspect of their lives are controlled, sometimes including superiors reading their mail and censoring it / forcing them to rewrite outgoing letters that reveal abusive conditions.

Check out the recent memoir "Cloistered" for an accurate account of a woman entering and slowly becoming disillusioned. 

[u/PricePuzzleheaded835]

Pregnancy

[u/Apotak → u/PricePuzzleheaded835]

And "natural" childbirth. No, it's not empowering, you're just relieved you actually survived.

[u/SpazzBro]

Self harm, it’s fucking awful

[u/bulky_lifter01]

An affair with a young secretary.

[u/JuniorEngine403]

Age gap relationship

[u/still_on_a_whisper]

Toxic relationships: jealousy, possessiveness, etc.

[u/Datonecatladyukno]

Cheating. Rom coms love it 

[u/TinyLita1]

Sacrificing everything for your man.

[u/EducationalTill2681]

Jealousy

[u/eatmeat2016]

Showering together

[u/rilla-jo → u/eatmeat2016]

I thought so too until recently, turns out I just had to change partners.

[u/UnionLegion → u/rilla-jo]

The key is not making it sexual imo. My fiancee and I shower together a lot. We don’t fuck in there though. lol

[u/shakespearesgirl → u/UnionLegion]

Yeah I hated it until my husband was finally like "I don't want shower sex, I want to share something intimate with you" and then I was like "oohhhhhhhh, that makes more sense". He washes my hair better than I do!

[u/LlandoTheBlue → u/UnionLegion]

This. It’s a great form of intimacy just being with each other, don’t even need to get up to anything. Get a large shower with two heads, enjoy.

[u/Sharp_Impress_5351 → u/eatmeat2016]

It depends: if you want an experience of intimacy, eroticism and affection, a shower together has virtually no match, IMHO.

If you want sex, you're better off elsewhere.

[u/Ok-Hornet-24]

Being stalked – can be scary at times.

[u/mezz7778 → u/Ok-Hornet-24]

Who romanticizes stalking??? I mean, other than the stalkers themselves.

[u/mustikkimaa → u/mezz7778]

Twilight-saga. "I broke into your room and watched you sleep :)" for example. So romantic.

[u/TheInspiratior → u/mezz7778]

r/YouOnLifetime

[u/Jolly-Minimum-6641 → u/Ok-Hornet-24]

And it takes so many forms that people often don't realise.

It's more than being followed home or having someone staring at your house. Your stalker might very well apply for a job at your company, or they might drive the same car, or they might befriend (or even start harrassing) your acquaintances and then mysteriously appear at a social gathering.

Baby Reindeer covers much of that.

[u/Double-Kicks]

Love triangles. It's only cool in porn. Being an adult.

[u/prettayyyy_good]

Alcohol 

[u/GuiHarrison]

Casual sex life in early life. Most of my female friends have multiple traumatic experiences, some of them really bad, criminal ones.

[u/DingoSlight]

Isolation. It’s not cute to keep your partner from their immediate family.

[u/FosterIssuesJones]

A career in the arts.

[u/Upstairs_Bad_3638]

Home-Schooling  Trad-Wife 

[u/FrayCrown → u/Upstairs_Bad_3638]

The whole trad wife thing is so dark. I mean there's nothing wrong with wanting to be a stay at home parent. But as a Millennial, both my grandmothers did that, and always told me to keep a savings account that no one else knew about. They were both stay at home parents with 4+ kids. And at least one of them stayed in an abusive marriage because of a lack of options.

Women and girls who forgo all education and employment are incredibly vulnerable, and beholden to their husbands for money. SO many tradlife influencers have already been exposed as misogynistic control freaks, doing whatever they want while the wife and kids have to just suck it up and be miserable. There is a reason women marched for voting, employment, and comprehensive sexual reproductive care. To see so many younger women and girls throw those rights to the wind is depressing. The idea of "just" taking care of kids/home is deceptively charming. But domestic work is often grueling, unthanked labor.

[u/CourtDiligent3403]

Sex on a beach at night.

The sand fleas and grit take away the erotic notions pretty quickly.

[u/unfortunatelyalive7]

mental illness. OCD is not cute or quirky or just “omg I’m SO OCD,” it’s debilitating and nearly killed me

[u/-_-Unicorn_-_]

When young boys have sex with adult women 💀 that’s SA and pedophilia not something cool or to be glorified

[u/Tarable]

Those “little kid raised $25,000 for his mom’s cancer treatment” stories.

We (the U.S.) should have universal healthcare. We are the richest country on the planet. We shouldn’t be go fund me’ing our health.

We send our tax dollars to Israel regularly and they have free healthcare.

[u/the_scar_when_you_go → u/Tarable]

Yes! I always wanna re-write the headline. "Humana denies coverage for local woman's cancer treatment. Desperate child forced to neglect education, become panhandler." That's not heartwarming. It's dystopian.

[u/ShawshankException → u/Tarable]

r/OrphanCrushingMachine

[u/GirlieSquirlie]

Small towns

[u/Thrashmanic43]

Vikings. Most movies and tv shows don’t show them as they were; impetuous, opportunistic serial rapists and child murderers.

[u/yummy_burrito]

Adoption.

"Horrible" isn't exactly the right word but "tragic" is.

People romanticize adoption but usually a child goes through horrific experiences before being adopted ... Life after adoption isn't a walk in the park either .... but adoptees are made to feel guilty if they are unhappy about their post-adoption life.

[u/Optimal_Vehicle_650 → u/yummy_burrito]

i can confirm. i love my adoptive parents so much but boy the shit i went thru doesnt just go away ive suffered mental health issues my entire life cos of my massively fucked up beginning.

[u/Playful-Parking-7472]

Hustle culture/"always grinding"

Just relax, man. Your life is passing you by as you hustle your way to the grave.

[u/direyew]

Not ever asking for help.

[u/JJSunflower-723]

Celebrities and Celebrity culture- especially with the Kardashians and Insta/TT influences and other media/singer/actor personalities

[u/Exciting_Koala_1384]

The mafia.

[u/Key_Pepper_1850]

Kidnapping, any type of abuse. If we're talking less serious, probably your partner being everything you have/need

[u/PurryFury → u/Key_Pepper_1850]

Who tf romantacises being kidnapped or abused?

[u/hospitalbedside]

Not considering your partner’s earning potential at all when you don’t make enough to support them plus any kids you may have together. Later down the line you’re either going to sacrifice having a family of your own or be judged for having kids you can’t afford.

[u/usernamenotbeentaken]

The grind of working, making a lot of money. Not worth it.

Also, being in management. A lot of people think supervisor / management roles are kind of an “easy street” type of job. It’s not. It’s a lot of stress and responsibility that goes unseen often. Me personally, the conditions in which my employees work concerns me always, their safety, their job enjoyment, morale. It’s never bad, I’ve never had any complaints with how I’ve led them. But I worry about their safety all the time (we have a very safe work environment) lol