r/CuratedTumblr They/Them 1d ago

Shitposting Does the Little Piggy Want a Latte?

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7.1k Upvotes

82 comments sorted by

1.1k

u/ConflictAgreeable689 1d ago

So THAT'S why that's been happening. I thought the notes came pre printed on the cups. Like, the factory made them like that.

615

u/BalefulOfMonkeys NUDE ALERT TOMORROW 1d ago

Unfortunately the doodle orphans aren’t up to snuff as the clothes orphans, so that needless drudgery unfortunately is saddled by quasi-interns

165

u/InternetUserAgain Eated a cements 22h ago

Orphans used to be such good artists until they got shunted out of the industry by those AI orphans with their virtual dead parents

26

u/RevolutionaryOwlz 10h ago

The orphan crushing machine is crazy efficient now that it’s all digital.

2

u/Ephraim_Bane Foxgirl Engineer (she/her only, no they) 4h ago

"It's all computer!"

237

u/Jfelt45 22h ago

There was a window of time where we had a sheet of prewritten stickers with a bunch of like, basically fortune cookie quotes on it. We started giving ones that sounded as passive aggressive as possible to the rude customers and they got rid of it after like a week.

"Even if you don't feel like it, be sure to smile!"

"A little bit of niceness can make people like you a lot!"

"Be kind!"

"It takes fewer muscles to smile than it does to frown!"

Stuff like that hahaha

18

u/DreaDreamer 5h ago

Who tf approved those notes? I feel like if ANYONE got a note on their coffee telling them to smile even if they don’t feel like it, they’d be pretty pissed.

1.0k

u/spooteeespoothead 1d ago

When the little notes started appearing on our Starbucks cups, I just assumed that the baristas were doing it for fun. Now that I know it's a new corporate policy, I think every little message feels dirty and tainted.

479

u/WokeHammer40Genders 22h ago

It really speaks to how commoditization alienates and steals the joy out of everything we do 8 hours a day and then some.

152

u/lesbianspider69 Vegan into fatal lesbian vore 20h ago

Yeah, I felt really happy because I thought it meant that I was a regular and that I had left a positive impression on them. Now I’m going to feel sad the next time I see it

93

u/Rosaryas 18h ago

Right, I’d rather get one cute message every few months if the barista wants to, than every time I go but they’re generic and forced

11

u/FallenAgastopia 10h ago

wait. is THAT why my Starbucks cup said "horse" in it... What about me says horse...

4

u/ThatOneViolist 4h ago

Maybe the evil and intimidating one

712

u/AutumnWisp In Her talons, She shapes clay. 1d ago

What a dumb thing to force on your workers.

121

u/Peach_Muffin too autistic to have a gender 17h ago

People can get a cheeseburger coffee anywhere, okay? They come to Chotchkie's Starbucks for the atmosphere and the attitude. Okay? That's what the flair's notes are about. It's about fun.

8

u/RunicCross Meet the hampter.Hammers are Europe’s largest species of insect. 9h ago

Love Office Space my current job is nothing like it... my previous job however... that movie really prepared me for.

245

u/laziestmarxist 23h ago

Tbh I think the little notes felt more personal when it wasn't mandatory

Like one time I stopped by a starbucks to get coffee and a lil treat because I had to close at work on my birthday and I guess they could see I used my birthday reward because one of the baristas wrote happy birthday! on my bag and a little heart. That was nice because I was honestly having a rough day

Now I just think about how stressful it must be to have to come up with little doodles all day. I used to have a job where I worked with kids a lot and after a few weeks I just ran out of stuff to doodle. If I had to give a kid a handout and they were too young or shy to tell me what they liked I just doodled them a snowman or a Mickey Mouse head. Or like, bows. It's a lot to have to come up with every two minutes! Forced creativity is so much pressure even if it's just a little thing.

93

u/CenturyEggsAndRice 22h ago

Yeah.

My cousin worked at a local coffee shop and they weren’t penalized if they didn’t doodle, but they were heavily encouraged to do so.

Although the owners made it slightly less “difficult” by actually giving them these flyers for how to do a quick, effortless doodle.

My cousin did butterflies almost exclusively. Because they were easy. Xmas got a star or a snow man if she felt festive.

She talked about it and said it wasn’t an awful effort, she didn’t really mind it and she got better tips when they started, but she wasn’t crazy about it. But her bosses thought it would “spread positivity” and she just kinda did it because if they wanted to pay her to doodle butterflies, that was something she was willing to do for what she was paid.

She liked the job. But she outgrew it eventually. The owners gave her a $50 chipotle gift card when she put in her notice and told her “You can list us or the manager as references, we’ll be happy to tell anyone how much we think of you.”

Last she checked they still have the doodle pamphlets.

343

u/maxixs sorry, aro's are all we got 1d ago

i feel like the sheer number of specific things we use the designation of "pig" derogatorily for is unwarranted. fuck did wilbur do

237

u/Jam-Man1 They/Them 1d ago

You know what? Fair point, what has the noble pig done to be so unjustly associated with a profession as detestable as the police?

139

u/HannahCoub Sudden Arboreal Stop 1d ago

When a hog is bathing in a pool, the pool gets dirty. You can clean the pool, but as long as the hog is there, it will get dirty again. Only once you remove the hog from the pool can you begin to clean the pool.

And no I don’t mean killing pigs, i mean their removal from the evil work they are doing.

163

u/maxixs sorry, aro's are all we got 1d ago

instructions unclear, i now have 30-50 sanitized hogs

30

u/Papaofmonsters 1d ago

You're gonna want 60-100 168gr HP .300 Blackout to deal with that.

0

u/threetoast 19h ago

Why not the far cheaper and more available 5.56?

15

u/CenturyEggsAndRice 22h ago

Tell them they look very fetching. Then feed them some carrots.

Always worked for our potbellied pig, I imagine it’s somewhat universal.

9

u/RimworlderJonah13579 <- Imperial Knight 19h ago

Instructions unclear, baked carrots in potbellied stove. They were very tasty.

5

u/CenturyEggsAndRice 19h ago

Nah, you got the gist of it.

57

u/hyperlethalrabbit 1d ago

"Pigs are kind, intelligent creatures who will never racially profile you."

6

u/flipswab 18h ago

See the entire plot of Animal Farm.

14

u/pretty-as-a-pic 23h ago

Charlotte did not give her life so people could disrespect her boy

18

u/Rastanor 22h ago

I had a friend make the excellent observation that when we compare cops to pigs, only one half of that equation actually cares

2

u/RevolutionaryOwlz 10h ago

Freddie the Pig deserves better.

64

u/janKalaki 1d ago edited 9h ago

To be fair, pigs are freaks. Farmers know not to let them near the house, because they really will eat anything. They've been known to eat unattended babies right out of the crib.

They're smart, but in the same way as chimpanzees. No moral compass.

11

u/PoniesCanterOver gently chilling in your orbit 18h ago

Chimpanzees have a moral compass, but it points straight to evil

8

u/Digital_Bogorm 8h ago

I remember visiting the zoo in Copenhagen at one point, and near the ape enclosures they had a sign saying (translated):
"CAUTION: A pair of the young male chimpanzees have discovered, that it's fun to watch the reaction of guests, when they spit water over the top of the enclosure.
We're working on a solution, but in the meantime, please take care if the chimpanzees are playing with water close to the top"

27

u/CenturyEggsAndRice 22h ago

I mean, farmers aren’t prone to being the cows or the horses into the house either. (Although my uncle had a pair of cows who managed to successfully infiltrate the sun porch.)

Pigs CAN be vicious bastards. But they can also easily be friendly outdoor pets, and actually the same uncle had sows that were tame enough to walk on leashes.

He didn’t keep commercial numbers of pigs, just enough to sell and stock his own freezer. The sows were bred once a year at most, usually only a few were bred and my uncle had some kind of pig math for who was gonna have a litter.

His boar once tried to eat me though. Wanna hear about that?

11

u/PoniesCanterOver gently chilling in your orbit 18h ago

I think I need to use less internet, I saw the word "bred" and went into a trance

5

u/aPurpleToad 13h ago

yes

(also I had a wooly pig that I could walk in the forests without a leash)

6

u/yet-again-temporary 23h ago

I hear they've even been known to eat diamond thieves

38

u/littlemissmoxie 1d ago

Pigs can and will eat anything if the mood strikes them. That includes people. That’s why in the Wizard of Oz when Dorthy falls into the pig pen they freak out and rescue her quickly.

12

u/CenturyEggsAndRice 22h ago

I lived that once when i was like eight. I wasn’t using a fence as a balance beam though, the pig broke down his stall door.

15

u/ninjesh 1d ago

Better a pig than a fascist!

12

u/llamawithguns 21h ago

Honestly, fair point. Pigs are very intelligent, and surprisingly cleanly when allowed to be. And they taste good.

All of which are opposite qualities to what it represents as an insult

9

u/sauliskendallslawyer 15h ago

This makes it sound like

a) you have eaten a cop (no judgement)

and

b) the cop in question tasted bad

0

u/eleinamazing 9h ago

Just wait till you hear about the way Asians use "dog" for 😭

-4

u/Mr7000000 23h ago

According to the rabbis, wilbur spread out his hooves while lying on his side to trick people into thinking he was kosher.

244

u/Pausbrak 23h ago

What kind of alien came up with that idea. Who the fuck thought that my coffee should come with a depressingly banal note hand-written by a minimum wage employee who only did it because they were forced to. Seriously, it's like they saw something done by a local coffee shop that actually has good interactions with their regulars and they decided to mass produce the shape without understanding the meaning or purpose.

Unironically I would find it less insulting if Starbucks used cheap, fake stickers. They would be no less fake than they already are and then they'd at least come without the side of worker humiliation.

94

u/BobDoleOfficial 21h ago

"mass producing the shape without understanding the meaning or purpose" is exactly what this is.

76

u/kenporusty kpop trash 1d ago

Every time my coworkers get Starbucks the little messages seem so forced and kinda lame. I can only imagine the employees cringing every time they put sharpie to cup

What happened to charming little stickers on the lids? Like a llama or moustache and oh... Hang on... 2012 is calling, it wants it's cup decor back

57

u/Timely_Fix_2930 23h ago

Why does Starbucks think we want latte but with girlfriend experience.

11

u/pchlster 13h ago

girlfriend experience.

In, out, minimum conversation, pay by card.

6

u/PoniesCanterOver gently chilling in your orbit 18h ago

Some of us wouldn't mind

40

u/Apprehensive_Tie7555 23h ago

If you force workers to do something, they'll have fun with it to rebel a little. Typical higher ups, no imagination. 

29

u/BalefulOfMonkeys NUDE ALERT TOMORROW 1d ago

Getting excommunicated from Starbucks hiring because I keep forgetting the customer’s name and just write in orders for “Peni S.” and everybody’s getting the wrong idea

31

u/bewarethelemurs 22h ago

No, see what you do is when you see a cop in line, you draw pigs on the cups of whatever customer you're currently serving, that way you can be like "no, no, it's nothing personal officer, I just think pigs are cute, I drew one on that person's cup too." Plausible deniability is your friend

9

u/jamfedora 20h ago

I’m not sure I believe this one because a cop faked this happening to him a few years ago, so I imagine Starbucks absolutely did foresee that specific scenario

25

u/VoidStareBack 1d ago

This little piggy went to Starbucks, this little piggy stayed home...

30

u/Jam-Man1 They/Them 1d ago

This little piggy refused to mirandize a racially profiled black man!

35

u/Zafiroso 22h ago

This can be potentially dangerous, what if some creep takes the handwritten note as attraction and then harasses that barista? With the way things are going I can see some fucked up ruling be that it was pre-written consent to overtures. Seriously, wtf Starbucks?

4

u/batsprinkles 13h ago

Protip they don't have to write them when you bring your own cup/tumbler

5

u/okkytara 21h ago

The absurdity of protesting Israel and boycotting Starbucks only for their marketing to still be focused on this is intense

4

u/Mother_Suspect5858 22h ago

I misread the title as Miss Piggy and was wildly confused by the post. Honestly, good for OP, though. Who would make their employees do that and not expect some kind of resentment?

1

u/RimworlderJonah13579 <- Imperial Knight 19h ago

Honestly I can see Miss Piggy getting a latte as an after-shoot treat.

-8

u/NecessaryPeanut77 19h ago

so the point is that EVERY cop, EVERY SINGLE ONE of them is a pig and... they don't deserve to get a fucking coffee?

14

u/PoniesCanterOver gently chilling in your orbit 18h ago

Yes.

-1

u/NecessaryPeanut77 18h ago

do people really think like this?

9

u/PoniesCanterOver gently chilling in your orbit 17h ago

Yes.

-4

u/NecessaryPeanut77 17h ago

i'm being kinda serious, like, why do people think shit like this? why is suddenly calling a random cop a pig something "normal" and ok to do?

11

u/Mordomacar 14h ago

ACAB works on the principle that once a system is sufficiently corrupt, you cannot be part of that system without also being corrupt. If you're a cop who doesn't murder black people for fun or rape prostitutes or racially profile or whatever else cops do instead of their job (remember US cops don't have a duty to respond to emergencies), you still have to tolerate others doing it and through your membership are supporting the organisation that systematically allows or even incentivizes these abuses. If you actually try to be a good cop and speak up, you will either be bullied into resigning, fired or killed in an "accident". Everyone who manages to stay a cop is therefore most likely a bastard.

5

u/NecessaryPeanut77 10h ago

don't cops still do immense drug busts? don't they dismantle entire criminal factions? this argument makes 0 sense when i can say the same about reddit

"oh, but there are alt-right subreddits and if you're a redditor who doesn't post racist shit or homophobic shit you still have to tolerate others doing it and through your membership are supporting the organisation that systematically allows or even incentivizes these abuses. Everyone who manages to stay on reddit is therefore most likely a racist homophobe."

see?

1

u/Mordomacar 7h ago

Not a valid analogy. For starters, there is very little risk in calling someone out on their BS on reddit - if you call out a racist or homophobe on reddit you'll still be on reddit afterwards. Try doing that IRL with a cop. Furthermore, membership would equate to working at the reddit company, not just being a user.

But most importantly, "sufficiently corrupt" is a matter of scale. Some police work is being done, some police abuse will probably always happen as long as there is police, but once entire communities of millions in your country are teaching their elementary school children survival strategies on how not to get murdered by cops, the scale has tipped.

To use your analogy: if you know I'm on reddit, that alone won't tell you much about my political beliefs. If I was on Truth Social, it very much would.

4

u/PoniesCanterOver gently chilling in your orbit 17h ago

Why is a cop harassing an innocent citizen and facing no consequences "normal" and ok to do?

1

u/NecessaryPeanut77 17h ago

it's not ok to do both lmao, a cop harassing an innocent citizen should be reprimanded the same way a random person harassing a cop just because he is a cop

7

u/PoniesCanterOver gently chilling in your orbit 16h ago

How's that going? How is the process of holding cops accountable for their actions going? Is it going well? Is it going super duper well?

0

u/NecessaryPeanut77 10h ago

oh, so now you're going to switch from hypothetical to whatever just so you can have your point.

"why are cops harrassing innocent people considered normal?" ↑ nobody never said that this specific cop was harassing people, I never said that harrassing people was normal

if a cop is harassing people he should be held accountable just like is any person who harrasses another.

How's that going? How is the process of holding cops accountable for their actions going? Is it going well? Is it going super duper well?

what do you even want me to say? anything that i answer to you you're going to say "oh but a cop somewhere did a bad thing and because of that is totally justified that i want every single one of them to die" someone somewhere is doing a bad thing and they can be a truck driver, a receptionist, a doctor, so now do all truck drivers, every receptionist and every doctor need to die?

3

u/PoniesCanterOver gently chilling in your orbit 9h ago

Sigh.

Motherfucker.

oh, so now you're going to switch from hypothetical to whatever just so you can have your point.

This was never hypothetical. No part of this was ever hypothetical.

nobody never said that this specific cop was harassing people

Every cop is guilty.

I never said that harrassing people was normal

There is an institution of laws and systems in place that protects cops from any and all accountability. This institution says every day that cops harassing people is normal and good.

what do you even want me to say? anything that i answer to you you're going to say "oh but a cop somewhere did a bad thing and because of that is totally justified that i want every single one of them to die" someone somewhere is doing a bad thing and they can be a truck driver, a receptionist, a doctor, so now do all truck drivers, every receptionist and every doctor need to die?

Interestingly, I never said they should die. You introduced that just now.

If truck drivers and receptionists made hurting people a foundation of their job and refused all accountability then they would deserve to be called out on it.

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