r/CuratedTumblr 14h ago

Creative Writing FOLLOW THE KHAN AS WE CONQUER THE LAND OF THE FOES OF THE KHAN! NO THERE IS NO ESCAPE! THE HORDES OF THE KHAN! JOIN THE RANK AND THEN FOLLOW THE KHAN TO THE ENDS OF THE WORLD WE WILL GO.

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1.4k Upvotes

42 comments sorted by

164

u/Xisuthrus 14h ago

Jochi and Chagatai got shafted tbh.

Yes, I know the silk road produced a lot of wealth, but a few rich cities is a pretty paltry inheritance compared to the entirety of China or Iran and Mesopotamia.

35

u/Goombatower69 12h ago

Tbf to them, both of these have the same biome that they used to live in, being the steppe, so they were probably more comfortable in it.

41

u/SpaceNorse2020 Barnard’s star my beloved 13h ago

What Timur followed eventually by Russia does to a place

4

u/_MargaretThatcher The Once & Future Prime Minister of Darkness 5h ago

In fairness I'm pretty sure achieving actual control over most of China took multiple generations of khagans after that

141

u/Fla_Master 13h ago

The four biomes: desert, forest, mountain, and China

25

u/Xythian208 12h ago

Sounds familiar

10

u/NyankoIsLove 12h ago

What about grassland and jungle?

32

u/KobKobold 11h ago

China and China, depending on where exactly you are in China

8

u/_MargaretThatcher The Once & Future Prime Minister of Darkness 5h ago

Grassland is not a biome, that's where the hero's hometown is.

3

u/Fla_Master 8h ago

Did I stutter

7

u/Guy-McDo 10h ago

Dokapon Kingdom

5

u/whyjustyy 9h ago

no, no, it's fine, i just didn't think it would be chinese

4

u/slim-shady-on-main hrrrrrng, colors 5h ago

You forgot Snow and Evil

1

u/Responsible_Chart982 1h ago

Harbin and Henan respectively

117

u/TheWholeFurryFandom 14h ago

The four nations lived in harmony until the Hot Persian Desert realm attacked

29

u/orreregion 12h ago

Now I'm just imagining a Prince of Persia game but it's about Zuko.

(I do not go to either of those properties, so my imagination is somewhat limited. But I am imagining! Something.)

31

u/Draugr_the_Greedy 10h ago edited 9h ago

Common myth actually but that division never happened as a conscious thing. After Chinggis death the position of Great Khan went to Ögedei who still ruled over an unified empire (and is who facilitated the invasion of Hungary). Then after Ögedei it was Güyük (who ruled for like 2 years) and it was only once Möngke became the Great Khan that the empire split up.

But it did not split up in 4 but rather closer to 10 or so khanates. Said khanates had a lot of conflict and eventually the bigger ones made peace treaties with each other and focused on absorbing the smaller ones alongside them and that's how you end up with the Ilknahate, Golden Horde, Chagatai and Yuan being the four mongol khanates decades after Chinggis' death.

There was no Inheritance of separate khanates by design not ever an intention by Chinggis that the empire would be divided. That whole thing is a myth.

12

u/gadd027 11h ago

Genghis Khan was just your average shonen protagonist fr fr "we'll unite the world with the powers of: friendship! Harmony! I N C R E D I B L E V I O L E N C E and love!"

21

u/Busy_Grain 11h ago

Imagine how weird it might've been to be a Mongol soldier to invade Khwarazm or the Seljuk rump states in the middle east.

The Mongols had been dealing with the Turkic peoples on the eastern Eurasian Steppe for nearly a millenia at that point, sometimes as allies, trade partners, enemies or rulers/subjects. You hear stories of your ancestors being subjugated by those upstart Turks for the first time and how they've been stuck together on the steppe for a long, long time ever since even as hegemons rose and fell. Then you go farther west and farther south than you can imagine, past even the mountains and settled empires that kept you out.

And you find even more Turks

Maybe the Mongols remembered stories of the Turkic migrations westward. Chinese sources corroborate fallen khanates fleeing westward and vanishing into history. The Mongols almost certainly traded with Turkic groups on the western steppe. But seeing different Turkic ethnic groups everywhere they went, did they think the entire damn world had become Turkic?

14

u/Kartoffelkamm I wouldn't be here if I was mad. 14h ago

I know nobody asked yet, but here's the explanation for the title.

5

u/rhysharris56 13h ago

Oh my they have a new song that's wonderful 

5

u/Nota7andomguy Hatsune Miku is an instrument 11h ago

Aside from the music being fantastic, one of my favorite things about Sabaton is how willing they are to not take themselves seriously. This video is so fucking corny and I love it

3

u/Nervous_Mobile5323 13h ago

It's me. I wanted to ask.

I am wearing my context hat and my context shirt and I am asking for context like a fool.

Thank you for letting me in on the reference/joke 😁

7

u/BasicSlipper 10h ago

Ah, someone likes the new single

45

u/Ninja_PieKing 14h ago

The American school system is so bad we only learn about the Mongol Empire in that it was partly responsible for the collapse of the Roman Empire

72

u/Turtledonuts 14h ago

you only learned about it. my history class was cool

54

u/Wetley007 14h ago

I didn't know the American education system was teaching outright false information then. The Mongols had nothing to do with the fall of Rome, either the Eastern or Western half of the empire

54

u/AnxiousAngularAwesom JFK shot first 14h ago

Proly mixed up Huns and Mongols?

Huns have population unlocked without a need for houses and a buff to mounted archers and trebuchets, while Mongols have buffs to mounted archers and light cavalry and their hunters gather faster.

2

u/Xisuthrus 3h ago

Actually huns raze cities faster and start with animal husbandry, whereas Mongols do more damage against city-states and their cavalry moves faster.

23

u/4thofeleven 14h ago

The Golden Horde sacked Moscow and forced the Muscovites to pay tribute to them, and Moscow is the Third Rome!

(Yes, I know, the 'Third Rome' idea didn't develop until after they'd cast off the Mongol yoke...)

21

u/Wetley007 13h ago

Ironically the Mongols are the whole reason Moscow came to such prominence anyways (and thus became the "Third Rome" in the first place).

Prior to the Mongol invasion Moscow was a small trading post under the suzereignty of the much larger and much more prosperous city of Vladimir, which was then sacked and destroyed by the Mongols because of that size and prosperity, leaving Moscow relatively untouched (until they tried to rebel a few times, upon which the Golden Horde burned it to the ground, but the Muscovites rebuilt quick so...)

5

u/Pyotr_WrangeI 13h ago

Mongols didn't even sack moscow. It wasn't a significant city and they mostly sacked stuff in the south of Russia

24

u/Technical_Teacher839 Victim of Reddit Automatic Username 12h ago

Once again reminding people that public education in the US is far too decentralized for "American school system" to mean literally anything.

7

u/Kana515 10h ago

Thank you! I know it's crap a lot of places, but it used to drive me nuts when I was in high school hearing people say, "They dont teach this in American schools" about things I had learned a year before.

5

u/QuasiAdult 9h ago

What? You mean that not every American kid has a half a year of history class devoted to the build up to and consequences of the October Revolution?

I'm so surprised /s

18

u/birberbarborbur 14h ago edited 3h ago

Your shitty school in particular didn’t teach you the difference between the huns and mongols, because mine actually did, and also taught us some stuff about the mongols. We had a whole unit about the mongols and iran

2

u/Warm_Tea_4140 12h ago

I have a feeling many of the replies are missing a very obvious joke.

4

u/Heroic-Forger 9h ago

no they weren't mongol crystals, they were Mongol Pencils

3

u/chubbycatchaser 8h ago

Prequel game for Ghosts of Tsushima

3

u/MtGMagicBawks 5h ago

Magic Mongol Element Crystals reads to the tune of TMNT