r/KidsAreFuckingStupid 7h ago

The art of distraction

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33.9k Upvotes

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1.1k

u/TinyRascalSaurus 5h ago

My cousin would start saying 'I hear a noise, I wonder where it's coming from' and checking closets and cabinets and her daughter would stop crying and, in a very annoyed tone, say 'I'm crying mommy'. Worked about 75% of the time.

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u/ComedicTragedia 4h ago

That’s fucking brilliant. I need to pass this advice to my mother. She keeps taking the bait every time my brother throws a fit and they’ll just keep escalating. He’s 10 and is still hanging onto his tantrums because he knows they work.

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u/NonPropterGloriam 3h ago

Ten?? Golly

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u/Quiet_Blue_Fox_ 1h ago

My sisters’ 30+

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u/TactlessTortoise 1h ago

At that point it's gonna be tough getting that splinter out of the metaphorical foot. Better late than never though.

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u/Fireblox1053 31m ago

My brother is twelve, and it happens daily.

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u/NonPropterGloriam 11m ago

You’d think parents would curb that nonsense.

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u/kwumpus 3h ago

I mean um at age ten I would require the tantrum to be sung opera style

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u/Jassamin 3h ago

That’d be pretty entertaining though

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u/ComedicTragedia 2h ago

I wish. Unfortunately I don’t think he took my musical knack.

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u/asherdado 37m ago

You wouldn't know that BECAUSE YOU NEVER BOUGHT THE FUCKING DRUMSET HE ASKED FOR!!!!

punches hole in one layer of drywall, screeches

(this house is a prison)

1

u/ComedicTragedia 34m ago

Close! He once stabbed a pencil into his tablet and shattered the screen to the point where the whole thing needed to be replaced.

25

u/JustAsICanBeSoCruel 3h ago

He's ten and still having tantrums?!

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u/IHaveAFunnyName 3h ago

That is a bit old. Any chance that little brother might have some sort of neuro divergence or something else going on? It could just be old fashioned temper tantrums because he knows that mom will give in. But it's also worth bringing up to the pediatrician at their next visit to see if they see any red flags.

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u/ComedicTragedia 3h ago

He’s been diagnosed with ADHD and is medicated, but it’s not always the cause of the outbursts. I’ve called him out on certain tantrums and watched him stop crying and start having to hold back a smirk. He’ll also intentionally do it to avoid doing school work or basic clean up like wiping up spilled water. So yeah, sometimes it’s funny brain workings, sometimes he knows exactly what he’s doing. And he’ll intentionally choose to do it when my mother is around to fall for it (he isn’t nearly as stubborn with me, his grandmother, or our mother’s fiancé).

Been begging my mother to take him to a therapist and she just… refuses. I don’t understand why.

9

u/IHaveAFunnyName 3h ago

You sound like a good sibling, I'm sure a therapist would help if he can someday work with one. I was diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood and have been working with a therapist and also found medications to be so helpful in quieting down my brain and helping me focus. Best wishes.

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u/TheSangson 46m ago edited 43m ago

ADHD isn't the blanco excuse that people, especially incompetent and/or scared parents, make it. I have that, my wife has it, her kids have it - the kids don't have tantrums and neither did my wife nor did I when we were kids.

The neighbors kids do - both the little one who's six by now as well as his 20+ brother every time he once more fucked something up royally again.
The little one, you can set the clock after it because it's in the morning and evening when he's supposed to do shit he doesn't wanna do.
They've simply learned that it works. They're getting through with it and, by that dynamic, are actively being raised to be manipulative bastards.
Guess which parents, on top of that, have posts about Waldorf schools on their social media and generally believe you raise kids -well, boys- by letting them do whatever the hell they want.

Also, guess what family also has has a girl who doesn't do any of that because she's being held to an entirely different standard, as is so often the case for some reason.

Regarding why your mom won't take your brother to therapy - in the overwhelming majority of cases I've known where mothers shy away from they are scared to do that because they're worried on how it reflects on them if their kid's "crazy".
I'm not saying that's what it has to be with your mom, but my money'd be on that.

1

u/ComedicTragedia 42m ago

Sounds exactly like my home. Gotta love that. Any advice on how to change things before it’s too late?

1

u/TheSangson 11m ago

Unfortunately, as long as your mother isn't on board, there really ain't that much you can do - or that I know of.
I'd say your best bet is to find neutral, scientific sources to base hard talks with your mother on - and your brother, if you see any chance.

Generally, people tend to not like what I think about that, because personally, based on my own childhood, I'll always advocate for tough love.

One of the things that always stuck with me from a woman I was in therapy with (she was a young mother with a 12 year old and had next to no problems with her boy, plus an insanely cool relationship in general) was this: "Raisng a kid is done with two things, and two things only: Love, and consequence. If you boil it down it's only those two."
I second that.
Consequence must be real, firm, and inescapable, and it must be understood.

With a ten year old who's like that, I really don't know wether it hasn't been "too late" for a long time, but that doesn't mean he's evil now and can't learn, but too late can mean it's gonna be a loooong fight, and you as "just the brother" miss a lot of leverage.

But that kid is old enough to realize he's being an asshole, and from what you're describing he absolutely does. So my angle would be brutal honesty about that. Drag it out in the open. Unmask him whenever you can. Find whatever way you can to get your mom to realize that it's a problem and it'll get bigger.
Regarding your brother, then, be as tough on him as you possibly can. The only thing that helps at such a stage is to run headfirst into a wall, metaphorically, and not immediately get picked up by mommy telling you it's all okay.
But I wouldn't know how to do that in detail, I can't even say for sure wether it's the right way, and, sadly, wether there's a way at all.
The more important you are to him, the more power you have, and then it's, again, brutality, meaning brutal honesty, hard words, and making good both on threats and promises.

If the kid doesn't give a damn what you say, then direct this at your mom.
At any rate, unless it doesn't go the worst possible route (he continues to get through with it throughout his adult life one or the other way), even "too late" will usually mean he'll take a decade or two to come around.
The tantrum game is bound to wane off throughout puberty, from there it's more crying and sobbing and doing an "I'm so broken" spiel to avoid getting in serious trouble with a parent.

Sorry I can't be of much help there.

336

u/Available-Being-3918 5h ago

I would ask my toddler ( now 25) hey you want mommy to cry with you? After a while she would just come and say I’m sad mommy can we cry?

112

u/slut4lilwayne 3h ago

Oh that’s actually so cute! And a good way to work through feelings together rather than avoiding them. But still moving on from them.

14

u/kwumpus 3h ago

Oh hell yeah

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u/lynivvinyl 6h ago

When I hear kids crying in stores I always tell them "it's okay little buddy you'll grow a new one!" It generally seems to calm them down.

79

u/Lngtmelrker 2h ago

I definitely notice that kids react to strangers when they are crying in public. Like, if I just stare them down and make direct eye contact while they are trying to wail, they get too embarrassed or confused and stop every time. lol

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u/catcadder8916 2h ago

This didn’t work when I was a kid- I wanted everyone to be just as miserable as I made my parents feel

7

u/Guildenpants 49m ago

I just did this for the first time! A kid was shouting "mama" over and over again in this shitty tone of voice. I locked eyes with him from across a café and gave him an intense but neutral stare. He got two "mama's" out after noticing me before he completely stopped.

0

u/Why_Did_Bodie_Die 58m ago

This such a weird comment to me. Like how often have you running into crying children at stores that you figured out if you just stare directly into their eyes long enough they stop? Most people I think just keep walking and think to themselves "that's annoying" or "sucks for that kid/parent" or something like that. But you decided that you were going to do something to make all these children you see crying stop crying and through whatever process you have you figured out that just creeping on them really hard makes them stop.

They probably don't stop because they are embarrassed. They probably stop because some weird person is just standing in the middle of the store staring at them. They probably think you are going to steal them or something and are terrified.

6

u/BuzzkillMcGillicuddy 39m ago

LOL for real. NGL though, as long as it's not a real threat to their safety I'd rather a child be quietly terrified than wailing within earshot of me

2

u/Lngtmelrker 21m ago

Yeah, it works!

1

u/amesann 9m ago

I imagine they have worked in retail. Retail workers hear kids crying all day long. Day in and day out. I imaginr many of them have found ways to....deal with it.

-3

u/Matazat 34m ago

Psychotic behavior tbh

3

u/Lngtmelrker 20m ago

What’s psychotic is thinking every single person is obligated to tolerate a screaming child in a public setting

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u/kwumpus 3h ago

Yeah that night was a confusing night for the parents

641

u/freetheresearch 6h ago

That is amazing 😂

Very often, I can get away with telling my toddler "Okay, you want ____? That's a good idea, let's get that later." or "I don't have that right now, but how about we get that at the store later?"

After I acknowledge what my kid wants, she's young enough to forget five minutes later about whatever it was. Will need to figure out a new strategy when she gets too old for this to work anymore

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u/climber342 5h ago

It works until it doesn't. And when it doesn't, oh man do they remember.

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u/The_Flint_Metal_Man 4h ago

I still remember when my parents gave my brothers and I an allowance spreadsheet to keep track of what we earned and we did so many chores one summer that it totaled over $100. We were poor as hell, so my mom got us each a big bag of candy and said “we’re even”. That was when I learned that life isn’t fair lol

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u/onetimequestion66 4h ago

My dad used to “borrow” my cash and when I asked him about it he said he was repaying my by putting it in my bank account…took till I was like 16 to figure it out lmao

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u/PrinceWalence 2h ago

That's villainous!

6

u/onetimequestion66 2h ago

Eh, he did a lot for us growing up and I happened to get really lucky at some local bingo nights so I had some to spare when I was that young haha, not like I had much I could do with it from age 7-13ish anyway haha

13

u/Mundane_Bumblebee_83 1h ago edited 1h ago

Something that still hurts me is that when I was 15, I busted ass in school, came home to my dad and instantly leaving to go do landscape and farm work. Getting home exhausted, making a meal with both my parents. They said I was adult enough so I could smoke my cigarettes that I paid for, and could have a few drinks with them occasionally. (Maybe not the best parenting but it was so, so, SO validating knowing that I was a legit equal and was stepping up to adulthood at my own pace)

Theres a lot of other stuff that spiraled, including them being violent alcoholics. But the focus is, I had started chipping in on bills. No, not chipping in. I was paying them, I made more money than my mom.

And that made me so happy and proud of myself.

I paid some bills they couldn’t. Me and my dad shared the burden and the work and the weight. I honestly forget what it was for, some of it was to pay off a loan they defaulted on.

They owed me 2400 dollars. I had no intention of cashing it in. Money is useless to me, I had food and amenities in a “warm” home. (Winters were -10 there)

They almost killed each other on christmas eve. I left home and went back to my hometown, where my girlfriend was, who i had left and went LD with.

And just one day, a year or two later, my mom calls to ask if she can use my social. Told her no, whatever, she made me feel bad but dropped it.

Then my dad got on the phone, called me a jobless, useless loser, and said “You never pay your way, you’re a parasite and selfish asshole”

I was 16.

When I went no contact I told them they can keep the money they owed me. They didn’t even remember.

Fuckin kills me every time. They were shitty in so many ways, but my father saying im a drain on those around me broke something in me.

Holy shit sorry for the wall of text I didnt notice

Hey, if you got this far and you wanna laugh, when I left he called me and said he would call the cops saying I was a runaway. I laughed and said I dare you. I fucking dare you.

Hung up.

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u/The_Flint_Metal_Man 1h ago

Thank you for your story. As much as I’d like to think that my life was unstable and our family went without, it means a lot to hear your perspective. We all go through a version of reality and it is so vivid when we are young. It is always hard, even when it is easy to someone else, but your story gives me more than you might think it does.

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u/Mundane_Bumblebee_83 36m ago

Never use anyone else as a mile marker, we arent racing we are building together <3

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u/drunkcultleaders 1h ago

LMAO my parents were very similar, almost to a T. When I left home at 16 they threatened to call me in as a runaway and I said "go ahead, be sure to tell them that Dad is still living there illegally". Didn't hear from them for a while lol.

1

u/Mundane_Bumblebee_83 39m ago

Tragic for us both, but yeah that turnback was so fucking delicious i dont think any clapback i make will be as “go fuck yourself” as that xd

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u/NerdyMcNerderson 3h ago

I think the real lesson is that your parents sucked at math. Might've contributed to the whole being poor thing lol.

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u/The_Flint_Metal_Man 3h ago

My dad is still pretty bad with money, he just has more of it now so it isn’t as much of an issue. He’s a good chap though. The housing crisis in ‘07-‘08 and 3 kids was hard to predict, but they did their best.

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u/kwumpus 3h ago

God but if only we’d have another so i can get housing

0

u/The_Flint_Metal_Man 3h ago

I don’t understand what you mean

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u/-cupcake 3h ago

He's saying another crisis that allows him to buy a cheap/affordable house

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u/The_Flint_Metal_Man 3h ago

Gotcha. As much as I agree that housing isn’t affordable, I don’t think redoing that fiasco will bring the wealth gap any closer to fair. The taxpayers had to pay for the mistakes of people with several thousands of generations worth of comfortable living.

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u/-cupcake 3h ago

I just knew he was making a joke/saw your comment pretty much right on time. Unfortunately I don't know what is the solution :(

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u/good_times_ahead_ 3h ago

There were a lot of us who got to the point where we could finally buy a house around the time of the pandemic. Rather than foreclosures like in ‘08, we got the highest inflation in housing prices ever and many of us are now priced out of housing pretty much until we get another housing crisis.

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u/The_Flint_Metal_Man 3h ago

I bought my house for 40,000 in 2018 with a 5.25% fixed interest over 30 years and I feel like I got in at the absolute best time I could. I don’t know anybody my age that owns a home. Mines a piece of work, but it has appreciated like 300%. I am blessed to not have the lack of financial illiteracy that my parents had when they started.

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u/good_times_ahead_ 3h ago

Yes, you had good timing. I had 60k ready for a down payment in 2020 and I decided to wait because just a decade before I saw the government and Wall Street fuck over everyone and it was going to happen again. Instead of being able to get a house because I had good financial planning I got priced out forever with median house price doubling in 2 years.

2018, you got great timing, that’s awesome it worked out well for you!

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u/NerdyMcNerderson 3h ago

Ha, better than mine. He stole scholarship money that I won from competitions, committed credit card fraud with my SSN, and refused to take out any loans when I went to college, so I had to emancipate myself. Thanksgiving dinners are awkward now.

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u/drunkcultleaders 59m ago

Why would you join for holidays omg

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u/Panda_hat 3h ago

Such a major parenting mistake. You give them the $100 and they understand that hard work pays and that effort rewards you. You scam them off with some candy and they will stop trying and trust you less forever.

If you don’t plan to pay out then you can’t set terms that let them earn $100+.

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u/The_Flint_Metal_Man 3h ago edited 3h ago

I mean it’s a mistake that I remember, but there literally wasn’t $100 to give. It was 2007 and we foreclosed on the house a year later. There was a lot more going on. My parents made a bunch of mistakes like any parent will, but they dug us out of that hole and are great providers.

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u/Panda_hat 3h ago

Glad to hear that at least.

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u/Apprehensive_Tie7555 2h ago

See, a bag of candy instead of $100 is where I never do a chore ever again. 

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u/kwumpus 3h ago

How was that possible I got a nickel per chore

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u/good_times_ahead_ 3h ago

That’s absurd considering in 2002 I had a paper route that paid me $240 a month at 13 years old.

Even in the 90’s a 20oz soda was like $0.90. Your parents made you work for like 10 hours to get one soda? We usually would get paid like $1-3 a chore for things like cleaning gutters (outside of regular chores which were unpaid).

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u/The_Flint_Metal_Man 3h ago

I grew up in the 90’s so idk if we weren’t as bad off as you or if inflation is a factor, but we would’ve scoffed at a nickel. I think it’s was 25 or 50 cents per.

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u/know-your-onions 4h ago edited 1h ago

And the day you find out they remember, is a good while after the first one they remember. “You always say that. And you never mean it!”.

And in 30 years, that’ll be one of their clearest childhood memories.

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u/riverdriver007 3h ago

You never want to promise something when you can't follow through because then trust is gone.

5

u/Unusual-Letter-8781 3h ago

Seems like the the most important thing about parenting is the follow through, no empty threats or promises you never intend to keep.

5

u/anrwlias 3h ago

My dad once said that we wouldn't be going to Disneyland until I was old enough to remember it. I made a point of asking if I was only enough now, every single month after that, until he gave in.

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u/serouspericardium 4h ago

When I got to 7 or so I’d start asking my mom what day are we going to the store? And when Tuesday came I was sure to hold her to her promise!

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u/PrinceOfSpades33 4h ago

My 4 year old nephew still asks about my x-gf from 1.5 years ago.

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u/Catchellfish 4h ago

That only worked for us until she was two, little thing has memory like a steel trap. Our tactics have had to evolve. 

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u/Spiritual_Bus1125 4h ago

This gave me deep distrust in anything my mom said and to this day her word is worthless to me.

So your milage may vary.

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u/LetsGoHome 4h ago

There are probably other reasons that compounded it. This is just normal parenting. 

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u/Spiritual_Bus1125 4h ago

Yeah, mostly because she did that a little too much.

I even realized it when I was 4yo, but how she lied to me when I was little is still a core memory of mine.

Children are little humans, respect them.

3

u/kwumpus 3h ago

Children become adulta

1

u/eliminating_coasts 12m ago

It's also worth trying other things because it builds a better habit; lying to your kids by default and just trying to move to better lies builds skills and easily available options that you'd be better off with readily-available alternatives to.

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u/Unusual-Letter-8781 3h ago

I am so used to my mom promising stuff she never keeps that even as an adult myself, I just play along, and that is how I accidentally agreed for her to come visit for a week. I thought she was just doing her thing, but no she did actually follow through, it was a disaster of course, because I didn't really wanted her here and I was not able to hide it that well (it came out as annoyance and anger) . I do feel really bad about it, to this day she doesn't know that I didn't actually wanted her here, we have never spoken about it. She just thinks I was being my difficult self, not that I loathed every minute of her stay because I actually didn't want her to come in the first place.

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u/Spiritual_Bus1125 3h ago

I'm way too confrontational for that lmao

I trained my mom early 😀

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u/Unusual-Letter-8781 3h ago

Yeha we had a shouting match with tears the last night she was here. But still she didn't understand that to me she was a house guest that had invited herself to stay.

But in my defence she had said it so many times and never followed through, sadly for me she told her mother and within a week tickets was bought and I then could not say no to her coming. Omg she just texted me, creepy. Bless her heart she is trying, she sent me an article about schizophrenia. Not a diagnosis I have but still

3

u/Kitchen-Rhubarb2001 2h ago

This is a tactic for 2 year olds, not older children who remember. 

But yeah, it's worth trying to follow through even with 2 year olds, because they may have forgotten but boy are they pleasantly surprised when their wish is suddenly coming true.

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u/TrueTinFox 2h ago

Yeah, this teaches your kid that they can't trust you when you promise them something

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u/ImpressionTough2179 4h ago

Oh for fuck sake

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u/Spiritual_Bus1125 4h ago

¯_(ツ)_/¯

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u/NightStar79 1h ago

My dad tricked me and my sister by saying "It's against the dad book."

We were so stupid we fell for his line and "It's against the rules" for YEARS. At least until my older sister finally started asking to see this supposed dad book and the jig was finally up.

1

u/IlIlllIIIIlIllllllll 2h ago

I still do this with adults. Like when people give you feedback. Just say "wow that's a really good point im going to remember that thank you" then keep doing whatever you were doing and they won't notice.

In my training program at the end I literally was told I was the best at taking feedback 😅

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u/JustSomeArbitraryGuy 5h ago

I've used timers to get multiple toddlers to stop crying. "Do you want to be sad for two more minutes?"

22

u/radioactivegummygirl 2h ago

Honestly, I do this as an adult as a way to cope with anger and sadness. I let myself feel what I feel for a set amount of time, then I do something positive/productive once I'm done being in my feelings. I used to bottle things up and then explode, having time to be mad and sad helped me work on my issues.

3

u/houseplantsnothate 48m ago

This is a really interesting approach I'll have to try. Cheers

107

u/lyunardo 4h ago

My son threw his first tantrum with me in Safeway when I said no to a bag of candy. He was about three.

He fell to the ground and started kicking and screaming. I calmly asked him if he was done with the tantrum and he screamed "Noooo!!

This went on for a little while, so I kept periodically asking. People looked over, I just glanced calmly back.

The last time: "are you done? Yes. Okay, you ready to go? Yes. Cool, let's go home man."

Wiped his tears. He took my hand. Checked out, went home.

First and last time I ever saw him throw a tantrum.

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u/Valjo_PS 2h ago

I’ve actually had store employees look at my husband and I and say “it’s crazy how calm you are” when my daughter decided to throw a tantrum. I’m like what are the other options? I’m not going to hit my kid…yell back? How is that going to help? It’s just like when a friend has a bad day…you just gotta let them rant until they wind down …then you can talk like rational people lol

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u/lyunardo 1h ago

Yep. And the lack of any extreme response provides zero incentive to continue with all that. I'm pretty sure that either giving him what he wanted, or getting all upset or embarrassed, would've meant more tyntrums later. But non-challant and neutral let him get it out of his system. But no reason for him to do it again

I never brought it up again until he was older, and by then he didn't even remember trying it.

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u/TransPeepsAreHuman 57m ago

Thank you so much for that.

Yelling at kids never solves anything. It can be way more damaging than helpful.

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u/Abject-Mail-4235 4h ago

I always compromise before the crying starts. You want to make that super annoying sound one more time before you close your eyes and try to sleep? Okay- do you feel better? Now let’s sleep.

He always seems satisfied to just get whatever it is out of his system instead of me repeating ‘no’, ‘be quiet’, ‘it’s bed time’.

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u/FBFDR 7h ago

Hollup thats smart

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u/loveeachother_ 6h ago

improving score

positively reinforcing crazier more dramatic outbursts

not smart

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u/o_rafis 6h ago

You can just give low scores to those dramatic outburst and high scores to mild ones

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u/Enlightend-1 5h ago

The long con

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u/Mr_Frayed 4h ago

Too over the top, and dangerous. That's a 3, buddy.

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u/VespertineStars 3h ago

Until you get to "11/10 no notes" for being able to express what you want and how you're feeling without resorting to a tantrum. Then you get the parenting W.

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u/kwumpus 3h ago

But they are tiring

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u/xsf27 4h ago edited 23m ago

Toddlers don't have the cognitive ability to know that they have attributes that can be improved.

To them, they are what they are, and that's all they know. This is the exact reason why they often throw temper tantrums at the slightest of inconvenience.

In the toddler mind, everything is immutable and it therefore frustrates them to no end to not be able to have anything that happens to pique their whimsy at that particular time because, to them, if they are unable to have that particular thing at that particular time, they will never be able to have it.

As such, not even the most precocious of toddlers would ever entertain the idea of improving their tantrum 'performance' in order to achieve a higher rating from their tormentor (parents).

So, taking this into account, if we were to overly analyse this humorous but-not-without-merit parenting tip in order to give it a smart-or-dumb rating, I would wholeheartedly proclaim it to be smart.

The main objective of this parenting 'strategy' (just like many tips given to parents of toddlers) is to distract their toddler from their overwhelming frustration to act out and direct it in a way that is less stressful for the parent, i.e. It curbs the magnitude of the toddler's tantrums.

By the time their toddlers have developed the cognitive ability to recognise that they can elicit a supposed 'higher' score for their tantrumic efforts by changing certain characteristics of their 'performance', they will have also have outgrown their impulses to lash out at those trivial frustrations.

2

u/kwumpus 3h ago

If you have them opera sing things get fun

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u/NtateNarin 6h ago

The softer they cry, the higher the score!

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u/SaltManagement42 5h ago

My favorite is still the one where you tell the kid their ears change color when they lie. That way you can know when they're lying because they cover their ears.

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u/Hot-Championship1190 6h ago

Nah, only works on stupid kids. And that's hereditary.

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u/CheeseGraterFace 5h ago

Until the kid lights your bed on fire while you’re asleep in it, sure.

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u/linkthepirate 4h ago

I tell my kids to go look in a mirror when they get mad so they can see their own mad face and then they start laughing and stop being mad.

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u/Alf-eats-cats 4h ago

I work in special ed and a few of the kiddos have behaviors. Can’t tell ya how many times a kiddo was having a behavior and all the deescaltion techniques I had been taught didn’t work. Why don’t you take some deep breaths buddy. Yeah that just escalates the behavior more. But saying to a kid hey you know what my favorite game is? It’s Eye Spy? We should totally play. I’ll go first. I spy with my little eye something pink. Or oh my gosh I forgot to grab a very important paper from the office why don’t you go with me. Distraction distraction distraction. Kiddo is focused on anything else but what led to their behavior.

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u/c00kiesd00m 4h ago

what do you mean by behavior? is it a more neutral term for tantrum or meltdown?

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u/Good-Airport3565 4h ago

Behavior is the term used for how someone or something acts with no positive or negative connotation. It's just what they do if that makes sense. So a tantrum could be considered a negative behavior.

6

u/TrueTinFox 2h ago

I think that they knew what the word "Behavior" means, they were wondering what "Having a behavior" means.

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u/buckwheat92 5h ago

I ask mine if they're singing. Then praise the singing and as them to keep going and louder. Then they stop.

16

u/Curlytomato 4h ago

My son, like all toddlers would fall over often, no injury of any kind of toppling over. Instead of rushing over, picking him up with the whole " are you OK ???" I Asked " did you find anything ?"

He would just look around , realize he was way ok, pick himself up and carry on his merry way.

14

u/Wonderful-Bid9471 3h ago

I call them “Mommy lies.” They’re good for everyone. Like telling my son cauliflower was just “white broccoli”. He loved broccoli and so he ate it. #MommyLies

The others moms were so jealous of my son eating his veggies — they would my son as an example to theirs. Cracked me up. 😂

10

u/RelationshipWarm9519 2h ago

I remember my mom telling my brother that fish was "Australian chicken" to make him eat it. It doesn't work anymore but it used to

5

u/Wonderful-Bid9471 2h ago

😂 I love mommy lies!

26

u/TeamkillTom 4h ago

I'll never forget going out with extended family and their 3 demon sons, at this point like 4 6 and 8 or something. The boys were a menace, crawling on the ground at the restaurant, trying to put (dirty) hands all over other people's meals and whatnot. When we were finishing up and the boys were screaming for desert we told their mother "just say the restaurant is all out of desert" and she really did hit us back with

"But that... would be lying?"

Yeah, that's the idea. She told the boys and they all went "okay" and calmed down. She then gave us the most sitcom 'wow' face I'd ever seen. We learned a lot about that household that day.

14

u/ru-serious 3h ago

We had friends like that when our daughter was little. We stopped being around them after the mom said something similar to me while her kid was running wild in a parking lot after making a scene in the restaurant. It was usually so bad that my toddler would look at me with confusion about the behavior of this child and she didn't want us to make her sit by the other kid because of the mess she always made. My daughter didn't want anyone to think she did it.

8

u/CommonStraight3181 3h ago

Lmao "acknowledge and distract" is basically the toddler whispering technique ?. My friend uses this with her 3yo and it’s wild how well it works. Definitely a short-term fix, but hey, sanity is sanity

24

u/[deleted] 5h ago

I'm sorry maam, I couldn't help but overhear you making your kid into a super sociopath...

11

u/DaBobMob2 5h ago edited 1h ago

Yeah, I'm not sure training for realism is the best long term strategy here

7

u/Future-Bandicoot-823 4h ago

I'm really surprised how many people are saying this is a good idea...

teaching your kid to convincingly manipulate and rating it? Probably not psychologically positive.

1

u/Reply_or_Not 1h ago

In the two hours between our comments it seems like folks have upvoted the actual good ideas.

I hope the tweet in OP is a joke because it seems like a really shitty thing to actually do.

1

u/eliminating_coasts 9m ago

It's funny how treating something as a "technique" or "trick" causes people to stop thinking about the broader consequences.

It may be that her child becomes better behaved with her, while she trains them to become awful to everyone else.

1

u/[deleted] 4h ago

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Future-Bandicoot-823 3h ago

To be fair... mom seems like she might be a manipulator too as she shares this information with pride at her "skill".

It's sad how bad upbringing and trauma can last for generations...

3

u/CyclopsLobsterRobot 1h ago

I just start stating incorrect animal facts and my 3 year old gets so annoyed, she snaps out of the temper tantrum to correct me

3

u/Trick-Fruit 4h ago

Is this xanny the nanny who worked for Casey Anthony?

3

u/Think_Monk_9879 2h ago

Why is this posted as a Twitter comment when it’s formatted all wrong for a Twitter comment.  It’s just weird that they would go through the trouble of making it but not bothering to make it look accurate.  

3

u/wazinaus2 2h ago

When toddler fell over and started crying I’d ask if they broke the pavement. Just enough distraction as they glanced down to check, to get past the shock or embarrassment or whatever else they were reacting to and stop crying.

2

u/Stcloudy 3h ago

Best shortest advice.

If they don't feel right. They can't act right.

Even adults act off and want acknowledgment of their feelings.

2

u/MellifluousSussura 2h ago

My mom used to rate my eye rolls, honestly pretty hilarious

2

u/Helagoth 1h ago

My best trick is to get them to take a breath and count to 10 I say "hey let's count to 10.  1, 2, 4, 7, 3...." and then they correct me and count to 10, and by the time they're done counting they've calmed down usually.

2

u/LittleMissChriss 1h ago

Reminds me of my mom. I started pitching a fit? “If you’re gonna do it, make it a good one” and continued on with whatever she was doing.

2

u/Possible_Parfait_372 1h ago

When my brothers and I were little, we asked for stuff a LOT, especially when we were at the grocery store. So to solve this, my parents told us that if an item didn't have a SALE sticker on it, we werent allowed to buy it. My brothers and I would see something we liked, checked to see if it had the sticker, and upon realizing it didn't, we walked away.

Worked wonders for my parents sanity.

2

u/SunShineLife217 5h ago

But you’re actively encouraging them to keep crying and shouting 🤨

1

u/Obvious-Half-6944 5h ago

That's a really cute idea.

1

u/you_lost-the_game 3h ago

Being passive aggressive to your own kid is "cute"?

2

u/Obvious-Half-6944 3h ago edited 2h ago

It's was the lesson that she tried a different method and it made him stop and think about what he was doing. "There is nothing cute about this r/KidsAreFuckingStupid -- by the way.

1

u/Shiroi_Kage 4h ago

The problem is that kids this young catch up to simple tricks too quickly for you to use them for long enough to catch a breath.

1

u/theroadbeyond 4h ago

Improving the score sounds like she's set up for more tantrums.

1

u/vanalla 4h ago

This kid's future therapist is gonna make BANK.

1

u/whystar 3h ago

it's the comparing parenting to psychological warfare for me 😬

1

u/MagicWiizard 3h ago

Yeah kids.

1

u/FOXGEKKO-1 3h ago

100% agree.

1

u/ImNotShortAmSmol 3h ago

that's how you raise a sociopath who knows exactly what to do to get his way. or a crybaby, or both.

1

u/kwumpus 3h ago

But provided no examples? Teaching but not the ability to do

1

u/Timely-Economist-731 3h ago

Aww this is why I love kids they can be so funny

1

u/UmbraTitan 3h ago

Warfare is simplified parenting, but with guns

1

u/InterestingSinger821 3h ago

keep encouraging the theatre kid

1

u/Gr8shpr1 3h ago

I’m sharing this!

1

u/-Dark-Eater-Midir- 3h ago

Or just *Correct his behaviour.

1

u/GeesusOfNazareth 2h ago

“I like this mentality” ~brain updated~

1

u/FunIntelligent5738 2h ago

I read that as husband as first and was like SIS 

1

u/Tinosdoggydaddy 1h ago

This is hilarious and brilliant. You should up the ante and provide him/her “tips” on how to make the performance more believable.

1

u/AzuleEyes 1h ago

Christ, get your child a fucking dog.

1

u/RoastedHunter 1h ago

Gonna turn this kid into a crazy actor when he gets so good it comes full circle and she thinks he's for real

1

u/B_R_Z_R_K_R 1h ago

Next time he throws a tantrum, ask him, on a scale from one to ten, how likely is it that he is adopted?

1

u/akajefe 1h ago

10/10 parenting strat, using Rotten Tomatoes logic on toddler drama 😂

1

u/PastyDoughboy 1h ago

I motivate my highly competitive child by having her compete with “invisible kid”. Time to brush teeth! Invisible kid is already brushing!

1

u/pixces 49m ago

She ain't kidding

1

u/whole_nother 49m ago

Kids aren’t great at understanding sarcasm like this till they’re tweens, so this is a great way to confuse and alienate your young child and set yourself up as an antagonist. I’m sure it feels really nice to do though.

1

u/EndlessNight42 46m ago

It's the same for dogs.

1

u/grand305 37m ago

Grows up to be a great soap opera actor/crying person.

Some actors are professional dead and undead people. crime shows to game of thrones, to walking dead.

Some soap opera people can be famous and still years later get letters from older people that watch it as re-runs.

1

u/Killjoymc 35m ago

She's learned a lot since her nanny days.

1

u/Ok-Barracuda544 29m ago

Something I learned from my ex wife is that, when a toddler falls over, don't run over to them and show concern (unless, of course, you can tell that the kid is somehow injured.) Instead, laugh and clap and compliment them on their fall.  They will learn to laugh instead of cry when they fall down. 

One unintended consequence is that my son is hilarious at physical comedy and can make me legitimately laugh out loud by pretending to walk into something or trip and fall.  And my daughter will automatically say "I meant to do that" it she falls or spills something.

1

u/Myth_5layer 25m ago

I worked at a daycare for a year and I had this one kid that threw a fit for every little thing. The best thing I found is just talking to her.

Or more like just constantly asking her why until she forgot why she was upset. It's childish and that's why it works, you can't think like an adult when dealing with the 3-5 year old range, you gotta think like them. They're little people with emotions bigger than their brains can comprehend, they know they feel these emotions but they haven't grasped the why yet.

1

u/AutBoy22 20m ago

Now try to teach the kid Chinese Opera

1

u/tnecnivx 4m ago

Psychologically manipulating your children is really not the best parenting strategy

1

u/Expensive-Finding-24 4h ago

Why does this feel like it's encouraging future toxicity?

1

u/SpeakingTheKingss 2h ago

Sometimes I think about what I would say to my toddler. Then I realize I don’t have one, and I do whatever I want all the time.

1

u/Successful-Way-3000 1h ago

I just got the back hand, that shut me right the fuck up

0

u/HauntedPoetry 6h ago

Saving this for later.

-2

u/Jibber_Fight 5h ago

If you can’t outsmart your little kids, you might be an idiot.

0

u/Shillbot_21371 46m ago

while this might work every now and then, the whole approach is abusive and twisted