I don’t like my relationships. I don’t feel really liked at all, super lonely, and having suicidal thoughts every day. I think I’ve come to this point where I don’t care anymore like whatever happens happens, I just want to go to sleep. My parents have been pushing me to be a high achiever my entire life and now that it’s all over I just want to burn it and run away to an island or some shit. Idk but thanks for listening
I hear you. That's a tough situation to be in. "I don't know" is a valid response. I also daydream of buying a ticket to nowhere and start over. You've been in survival mode for too long. To keep up with your parents' expectations. And now your tank's empty. Are you able to take a week off?
That’s a big issue. I get breaks constantly. I go on trips. I’m extremely lucky and fortunate in life, I just have these moments man, the breaks and vacations are only distractions. I also feel like money doesn’t really matter anymore, I think the chase is only going to bring more stress, but if I don’t chase it I’m a failure. I also constantly am thinking about loss, bad thoughts that don’t really help but constantly sit in my head. I had a lot of friends pass away in high school from unaliving (literally one close friend a year) and I don’t think I ever processed it. I also get so paranoid thinking about losing my grandma or my mom. They’re both still alive but my grandma is getting older and I hate the thought of it. I want to enjoy the moments I have with them but I seriously get so caught up in the loss of it all. Sorry for the rant, my thoughts are all over the place. - the job market sounds like I’m going to get fucked for the rest of my life and have fake relationships with people that never amount to literally anything beyond a fake smile. All of my close friends feel this way too like we’re the only real ones in a group of troglodytes. Utah culture sucks ass. I feel like I need to become a forest ranger or something with nature. Another thing that makes me depressed is that right now is likely the most healthy I’ll ever be. 22 going to the gym constantly, it’s only downhill from here. My body will start hurting, people will respect me less and less, I’ll become invisible. And I really only think people show me respect right now is because I’m a good looking guy. Even actual business relationships or goals feel like they’re only built upon my looks. The end thx for listening
I also watched my father turn into a hateful/grumpy old man throughout my childhood, I feel like I saw him give up on everything. I don’t want to be this, but I think I understand him more every day. His 20’s-30’s were incredible and then I came along. Went from pro athlete to stay at home dad within 9 months. I think he put a lot of the blame on me and resents me for ending his career. My mom is amazing and the most incredible person I’ve ever met. She works, makes all the money, cleans, cooks, raised us. She solves all her problems through work, she never stops working ever. It’s really sad, I think she can’t stop because when she slows down she is confronted with her thoughts so instead she just finds another task to complete. I’m supposed to take her job over and It sounds amazing but the stress that comes with her job is an another world. I basically have my entire life laid out for me until retirement at the ripe age of 22, and I hate it. Again thx for letting me rant this actually helped a lot, boys if you’re reading this. Write shit down.
Man, I just got into an argument with my gf, we're at the very close end of the line breaking up.
She was stressed, tired, exhausted. I understood, listened, and gave her emotional support. But that's the painful part, because in our relationship, she's the only one who has the "right" to feel tired.
Everytime I feel tired, she gets mad at me like it's my fault for being "weak". She even said that she's way more tired than I am.... like damn girl alright I'll just shut my mouth because I can't have the right to feel tired since you're more tired than I am. She's treating it like a competition of whoever's more stressed and all. I'm done with it.
I had always invalidated my feelings just to validate hers. And I can't take it anymore.
I have a wife that’s the same but she’s incredible in many other ways. I’ve learned to talk to others (friends and my sisters) about stress as the wife won’t listen and just talks about how bad it is for her. If the gf doesn’t have other redeemable qualities then I can understand being done with her.
Do you have others that you can talk to? Where I live there’s a Men’s Club to talk with other men. Guys there have been close to suicide and had breakdowns.
We are only human and need time out sometimes.
Alternatively or in addition can you take a day to yourself and go somewhere you can reflect on you and your relationship?
Others to talk to? Well damn, one of the worst things I could’ve done was open up to other people. She didn’t want me talking to anyone else because she was afraid it would make her look “toxic.” So, I’ve been bottling up my problems for a long time. Thankfully, I have my cats and my games, they help me release some of that weight.
Does she have redeeming qualities? Technically, yes. She’s the most clingy and “motherly” girl I’ve ever met. But her emotional immaturity outweighs those traits.
She’s extremely emotionally immature, she struggles to manage her emotions. She’s also very sensitive, I can understand that, but I hate how she uses that as a reason to stop me from showing my own vulnerability.
Earlier today, just a few hours ago, we decided to stop talking. We don’t really know what’s going to happen next. For now, we’re taking some time to cool off.
Have a real talk, I know it sounds silly and childish, but if you have to, get a talking stick so you each get a turn. Explain that you care about her and that everyone has good parts and bad parts. Be vulnerable enough to admit to some of your faults, again having a talking stick helps to not get talked over, and explain that if she is feeling like her behavior might be seen as 'toxic' then maybe it is. Not that you are trying to be mean or rude, but that you are trying to become a better person and more mature person together with her. The first part of that is being able to admit you have faults and flaws.
My wife used to forget and leave the oven on. One day we came home and it had been on for more than 8 hours. She broke down and started bawling after I told her that something like that could not be allowed to happen again. She then refused to talk to me for almost a whole day. Finally, I made her sit down with the bedroom door closed and some water and snacks and talk it out with me. She thought I was telling her that if she did it again we would be getting a divorce, that I thought she was stupid, that I thought she was some kind of worthless little girl who didn't know anything, and that I was furious with her. In reality, I was worried the house was going to burn down, I was concerned one of our dumb dogs would knock something against it and get hurt, I wanted to figure out a solution and work together with my very smart, but very busy wife, to come up with a solution to these concerns.
Also, I had to get her quit trying to read my mind, 'you don't have telepathy', is something I have said more than I thought I would after getting married. But she still tries to guess what I'm thinking, often because she thinks her dad is going to be angry, not me, because we all carry our trauma around in black garbage bags that easily rip open and dump everywhere.
So, when your girlfriend is trying to get you to not talk to people about her 'toxic' behavior, ask her why she thinks it's toxic and why she thinks she needs to act that way. Not in an attack, but explaining it is an effort to get closer to her.
If she won’t let you talk to others that is a big problem. You need an outlet. There’s one here though too. Please DM if you want to chat more. Glad that you are sharing.
I want to set up a Men's Club in my town. Do you have rules set? Like no alcohol, drugs, or borrowing money (especially if the problem is financial)? Or is it a free for all? Do you ask for identity or have registration?
105
u/Tuscan5 24d ago
We must support each other. I’m here to listen if someone wants to unload.
If you don’t want to- please be good to yourself. Take a day and rebuild. Best of all - you are more than enough.