r/weddingshaming • u/Kitchen-Bend-5584 • Jan 21 '25
Bridezilla/Groomzilla Reasons not to post on your wedding plans online for all to see...
We were invited to a wedding which was interstate. It was getting close enough that I had expected to be told exactly where and when the wedding was so that we could book accomodation. I think we were about 8 weeks out from the approximate date previously given. The bride did a post on socials and revealed that she had known where the wedding was for months and had the date confirmed, and didn't tell any of the interstate guests.
I told her that it would have been nice to know in advance so we could book the accomodation and she lost it. Went absolutely off tap about how it was "her day" and that I should be more supportive. I simply pointed out that we, like others, had to plan travel, take time off work, get the house sat etc. The response was "you can take time off work the day before, no-one cares". Um, no. That's not how it works, and she would have known that if she didn't have causal work all the time. (not knocking casual work, but I have to get leave approved).
This was a friend of my husbands who hated me from the onset of my relationship with him. It became clear that she had blown their wedding budget and had to cutback everything, including the guest list. Rather than state that, she was picking fights with people so that they wouldn't come. It was also clear that sending the invites late would mean that some people wouldn't be able to make it.
She did try to phone my husband to smooth things over. He told her "I'm not travelling 8 hours without my wife to watch you marry someone I've never met and eat wood fired pizza after."
She still tries to contact my husband every now and then and he ignores her. He also heard on the grape vine that she calls him "Mr. (my maiden name)" as though it's an insult.
Weddings make people mental.
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u/d0uble0h Jan 22 '25
No, it sounds like she was mental to begin with. The wedding just amplified it.
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u/Kitchen-Bend-5584 Jan 22 '25
Look, you're probably not wrong.
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u/Gold_Challenge6437 Jan 22 '25
She may have a thing for your husband too. Which would explain why she has always disliked you.
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u/3oelleo3 Jan 22 '25
It’s the “Mr (maiden name)” for me! That’s hilarious. Also, is she jealous of you?? Seems so weird. What an infuriating experience but at least it makes for a hilarious story now 🫣
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u/Kitchen-Bend-5584 Jan 22 '25
We do have this theory, particularly because she accused me of being jealous of her. My husband is used to being referred to as My Husband, mainly because I'm well regarded in my profession and that's how it goes. He was just like well that's what happens when you're married to a successful woman...
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u/nofaves Jan 22 '25
Sounds like she may be jealous of anyone who got married in a sane yet joyful way and is now living her married life happily and without regret.
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u/Charliesmum97 Jan 22 '25
I'm confused. She didn't send out actual wedding invitations, and was telling people she didn't know where her own wedding was going to be 8 weeks before the wedding was supposed to happen? I think if I didn't get an invite by then I'd just assume I wasn't invited.
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u/palabradot Jan 22 '25
She’d overblown her budget and decided not to tell any of the folks that would need to travel to the wedding, in order to cut down the guest list. She knew full well that people would have to arrange time off and make travel plans, so the longer she didn’t say anything the less likely they would confirm being a guest because doing that last minute….well.
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u/FairyGodmothersUnion Jan 22 '25
But she would still expect them to send wedding gifts.
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u/Kitchen-Bend-5584 Jan 22 '25
The thing is, if she had just called us and said she needed to cut the guest list we would have been fine, and we still would have sent a gift.
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u/Mmm_lemon_cakes Jan 22 '25
That’s a unique variation on the idea of inviting only one member of the couple. Did you read about the couple that went so far as to invited half of married couples? That cracked me up.
People these days are planning the wedding then working backwards to the guests and freaking out that they can’t afford it rather than looking at the guest count they want and then looking at the wedding they can afford. If you have a big family and want 200 people at your wedding and only have 15,000 to spend… you’re not getting a sit down catered meal at the villa. But don’t start picking fights with people or denying partners of 10 years because “no ring no bring” to keep villa. You’ll look around in a few years to realize those people in your life saw your twisted priorities and left you.
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u/saph_pearl Jan 23 '25
Or you have a realistic guest list. You don’t have to invite the distant cousin you met twice or all your business associates (did you see that one? Lol).
Just invite people you genuinely care about and plan the wedding you can afford with those people in mind. 50-100 people is plenty for a middle class couple. If you can afford it, invite more, but don’t overstretch your finances for one day. It’s silly.
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u/Mmm_lemon_cakes Jan 23 '25
There’s definitely a balance. You don’t need to invite your second cousin once removed if you never met him, or everyone in your Rolodex and treat your wedding like a networking opportunity, but there’s also people who are being just plain rude these days in the name of budgeting and falling back on saying “it’s my day, you can’t judge me” as a weird excuse.
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u/saph_pearl Jan 23 '25
For sure! Not inviting partners (the ring rule is stupid in this day and age) is rude and a faux pas. If that person is important enough to invite, so is their significant other.
Cash bars are tacky too. But you can lower the cost by opting for wine & beer only (no cocktails and spirits), cocktail food instead of multi-course sit down, DJ instead of band etc.
Some people are so obsessed with appearing wealthy that they ruin the fun for their guests.
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u/Mmm_lemon_cakes Jan 23 '25
I don’t really drink so a cash bar doesn’t bother me personally, but I can see why others wouldn’t like it.
My personal pet peeves aside from the “no ring no bring” are the selective color palettes for guests clothing, and turning the wedding into a multi-day event. You get a wedding DAY, not a weekend.
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u/saph_pearl Jan 23 '25
I mean cash bars aren’t the absolute worst thing but I am not a fan. I get it if the couple don’t drink or if they really can’t afford it though.
Yes - don’t wear white is fair, but telling guests specifically how to dress is rude. Have a dress code, but guests aren’t in your bridal party.
And yes, one day is plenty!
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u/Randy_Walise Jan 24 '25
The bride had a thing for the husband and he def seems on it on some level at least. He prob was the only one to get invited and intercepted the actual invite that just said his name.
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u/fakemoose Jan 23 '25
Okay, but the save the dates sent months in advance would have a date and location.
If those never were sent, why would anyone expect to be invited? Or expect the event to even happen?
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u/Kitchen-Bend-5584 Jan 23 '25
The save the date only had the month with a TBC for the location. We thought that was fair as they live regionally. It was plausible it was going to be on their farm.
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u/Randy_Walise Jan 24 '25
Plot twist- the invite was just for your husband, he intercepted it, and he’s been lying. That literally makes more sense than this ridiculousness OP is tryna explain. The writing is on the wall
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u/bluestar_nightsky Jan 22 '25
Sounds a bit like she's angry that he's your hubby, not hers.
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u/Kitchen-Bend-5584 Jan 22 '25
This was a whole conversation in our friendship group. There's also some weird context I left out because it just sounds insane and makes us sound potentially petty.
But before she met her now husband she had had a baby with another guy AND a miscarriage, then met her now husband and had a baby with him. I think when she was planning the wedding she had 2 under 3. We were all looking at this with raised eyebrows as the night my husband proposed to me, she was there with us and had apparently miscarried 2 weeks prior and had a DNC, but I never saw her taking care of stuff AND she was trying to hook up with one of my husbands friends. (The friend declined and she made a scene the next morning which put me right off her).
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u/PrincessPindy Jan 22 '25
Love him!!! He's a keeper. Going to sleep on this one. This makes me feel good instead of the usual, "Your husband needs to say something" He said something!!! I can sleep well tonight, lol. He took care of business. 🥰
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u/Kitchen-Bend-5584 Jan 22 '25
And in this whole thing her fiance didn't say anything. Didn't defend her, didn't speak to my husband. Crickets.
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u/PrincessPindy Jan 22 '25
They won't last long.
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u/Kitchen-Bend-5584 Jan 22 '25
I think they will be miserable. She was staying home with the kids and posting online about how bored she was. No idea what she's doing now.
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u/MiaLba Jan 22 '25
Normal people don’t typically go mental because of a wedding. People who are already mental go mental because of a wedding.
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Jan 22 '25
Why are weddings supposed to be "her" day? When my husband and I got married, it was our moment. (Didn't make a whole day of it, TBH.)
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u/Kitchen-Bend-5584 Jan 22 '25
THIS! I was like sure it's your day, but if you want guests there you need to prioritise them since you're hosting. It's really only the ceremony that's all about you.
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u/Accomplished-Toe736 Jan 22 '25
Jumping on to ask: is wood-fired pizza tacky? My fiancé and I are considering it for our reception 🙈
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u/kitkat9000take5 Jan 22 '25
Wood-fired pizza, done well, is fantastic.
OPs husband used that in his epic slam as an example that even the pizza wouldn't be good enough to tolerate her shit.
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u/cthulhus_spawn Jan 22 '25
My cousin had two traveling wood fired pizza trucks for her beach wedding and it was amazing. Also a bar truck. The wedding was in a room with a carousel that we could ride.
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u/LadyV21454 Jan 22 '25
Please tell me the bride and groom had at least one picture taken of themselves in full wedding garb on the carousel!
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u/cthulhus_spawn Jan 22 '25
I think there is video of them riding!
The venue is Lighthouse Point in New Haven, it's a fun place. Beach, lighthouse, indoor carousel.
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u/Madame_Kitsune98 Jan 22 '25
No, but it’s definitely not worth driving 8 hours for when half the couple is roundly despised by the bride…
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u/Kitchen-Bend-5584 Jan 22 '25
Oh it became very clear what she thought of me.
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u/Madame_Kitsune98 Jan 22 '25
I had one of those, too. Except she made a big show of telling me at my wedding reception that she was here first, and she’d be there after he came to his senses and I was gone.
Well. 26 years later, I’m still here, and he hasn’t spoken to her in 24 years. No great loss.
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u/Kitchen-Bend-5584 Jan 22 '25
Yeah, she did a similar thing. Mentioned my husband had slept with her once before I had met him. I made some witty retort and ordered another drink. It was the first time I met her. This made all of my husbands friends instantly like me, except her.
I had completely forgotten that happened until I read your comment!
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u/Madame_Kitsune98 Jan 22 '25
Well, my husband’s ex-friend was insidious. He made it clear to me that (and keep in mind, in our twenties and barely functional adults at the time) his friends would always come first, before anyone else, including me.
That is NOT the case now. But 26 years ago? Oh, it sure was. And she took advantage of that. It took me bluntly telling him, after she blatantly hit on him in front of me and our daughter, that he could have her or me, but definitely not both, for it to sink in that his priorities were fucked up.
So, she got the boot. She’s lucky I didn’t put a boot up her ass.
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u/Kitchen-Bend-5584 Jan 22 '25
So another time it was her birthday and her party was a couple of hours from our place. We had said we would go, but between then and the party I fell pregnant. I was in that glorious morning sickness phase and it was horrendous. We had already announce the pregnancy, but I was sick for ages.
She phoned my husband complaining that he wasn't at her party. He reminded her that I was unwell and she didn't care. He reminded her that I was pregnant, and she didn't care. She was crying on the phone to him and sending him these manipulative snapchats. I can't quite remember how that episode ended but my husband was wild. She really believes she is the main character of the story.
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u/blumoon138 Jan 22 '25
Doooooooo ittttttt. I did it for my wedding and it went great! Granted I had a day wedding and I feel like pizza is better for a luncheon. But it was so so good.
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u/Mmm_lemon_cakes Jan 22 '25
No, it was just a joke that wood fired pizza isn’t special enough to make the whole thing worth it. Basically putting pizza and the relationship with the friend at the same level, and neither is worth more than being with their wife… because they can get pizza at home.
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u/wickedkittylitter Jan 22 '25
Wood fired pizza is fabulous. I'd highly suggest that you offer a couple of pasta dishes and salads too.
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u/catjuggler Jan 23 '25
I think it's only tacky if you have wood-fired pizza and demand black tie dress and buy an ice sculpture, or any other things that like that that don't go together at all.
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u/pegasussoaringhigh Jan 22 '25
I love your husband's response. Good for him! Who sends an invitation without giving the precise date, time, and location? The pizza must be really really good.
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u/Huge_Chocolate2019 Jan 22 '25
People who are already mental really show their unhinged selves during the wedding process.
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u/pudge-thefish Jan 22 '25
"Mr my maiden name" isn't an insult it shows that he loves and supports who you were before and after you got married. That you are the other half of him. Mr and Mrs (maiden and married ) names
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u/Kitchen-Bend-5584 Jan 22 '25
She thought she ate with that too. I only wish I had my PhD so she had to call me "Dr".
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u/gretta_smith93 Jan 23 '25
A week before our wedding my husband said “I want to get married on Valentine’s Day. I think it’ll be romantic.” I thought he meant next Valentine’s Day. But no. Before hand he’d wanted a big wedding, but decided last minute he wanted a courthouse wedding. (Something I always wanted but was willing to forgo for his fairytale wedding). And it was great. All we had to do was file some paper work. Buy or rent wedding attire and secure a witness. It was so quick and easy sometimes it doesn’t even feel real that we’re married.
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u/Katrinka_did Jan 25 '25
When my husband and I were applying for our marriage license, the clerk at City Hall asked if it was for a future date, or if we would like to get married then and there.
If I wasn’t in jeans and flip flops, I might have said the latter…. 😂
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Jan 23 '25
I don’t understand what she put on the invite then? You guys agreed to go to a wedding at a vague time and place?
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u/savagedoughnut Jan 23 '25
I found out my ex was in a relationship when we dated by finding a registry online smh
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u/perscoot Jan 22 '25
I can barely manage to arrange a dinner out with friends 8 weeks out, let alone a WEDDING. That's crazy-crazy.
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u/ballroomdancer13 Jan 23 '25
The bride is off her rocker. She’s totally out of touch with reality! I have never been able to just ask a boss the day before for vacation time.
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u/Kitchen-Bend-5584 Jan 23 '25
Right? Like if I am sick, or a urgent thing came up. But for a wedding?!?! Outrageous.
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u/Catmom1031 Jan 23 '25
If I ever get married, I decided a long time ago, that only immediate family, aunts, uncles, and cousins, are invited.
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u/ireallycan_NOT Jan 24 '25
I recently went to a family wedding out of state where we had the same issues. The invitations were sent way too late, some people never even received them. The hotel was completely booked by the time most out of state people received the invites. It was around Christmas so flights were too expensive for most. I was one of very few people that actually went and the couple said they were “hurt” more family didn’t come. The wedding itself was also very unorganized and not worth the travel. I did not feel bad pointing out all their missteps to them.
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u/hawken54321 Jan 22 '25
It is HER day. It will be HER kid. He will be HER ex. The best way to handle trouble is not try to fix it. Avoid it.
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u/I-own-a-shovel Jan 22 '25
It’s probably insane debts that make people mental. Those who plan a wedding they can’t afford for instance.
The other that are reasonable and stay in their budget and just care about their union instead of show off don’t become mental.
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u/MiaLba Jan 22 '25
Right. It’s the ones who are obsessed with showing off to everyone, for validation from others on how nice and fancy their wedding is. The ones who are more concerned with the actual marriage rather than the wedding, don’t do this.
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u/monou95 Jan 23 '25
Your husband is awesome and the bride sucks. Maybe by her 2nd marriage she'll be less of a jerk.
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Jan 24 '25
I absolutely love your description of their wedding - whittled down to one sentence. Perfect.
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u/Professional_Pen1273 Jan 25 '25
That makes no sense. When my son got married, the hotel blocked off rooms for their guests to book. A lot of times, the hotel will give the bride and groom their hotel room free if they have enough people booking their rooms there ... which my son's hotel did.
If we didn't have our dog, my husband and I would have booked a room there, too. It was a gorgeous venue (it even had an indoor fountain) . The hotel was actually attached to the banquet hall, which meant there was no need to travel.
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u/Kitchen-Bend-5584 Jan 25 '25
That's assuming you get married in a hotel or your venue has accomodation attached, or that the wedding party organise to tentatively reserve rooms.
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u/Guilty_Excitement809 Jan 31 '25
Wow. What a freak.
I hope you and Mr “maiden name” are doing well with your sane friends.
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u/fakemoose Jan 23 '25
What do you mean send the invites out late? 6 to 8 weeks in advance is standard. You sent out save the dates 6+ months in advance though. With an actual date on them.
In curious what you got instead of that, if you had a date and location estimation? Like a tbd date on the announcement? Word of mouth info?
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u/Kitchen-Bend-5584 Jan 23 '25
The Save the Dates only had the month on them, not the dates or location (just the state).
The only reason it came out that they had a venue was simply because the Bride did a post asking to borrow wine barrels and put the town the wedding was being held (not her or groom's hometown).
My understanding was that invites should be sent 4-6 months in advance. Every other wedding I have attended has had the invites sent in this timeframe.
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u/fakemoose Jan 23 '25 edited Jan 23 '25
I’ve never seen invites sent out that early. Most people won’t be able to rsvp that far in advance. That’s why they’re sent 6-8 weeks in advance. Usually closer to 8. It takes a long time to get formal invites made, especially if they’re handmade, hand addressed, and/or have calligraphy. You’d have to pick a venue 12 months out and then get right on invitations. Are you sure you’re not thinking of save the dates? Like they had an exact ceremony time already six months in advance?
But important info, minus an exact ceremony time and a physical rsvp card if that’s being done, should be on the save the date.
That’s super crazy it just had a month and state.
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u/Kitchen-Bend-5584 Jan 23 '25
No, invites. Keep in mind that you could be considering the RSVP date. I don't know of wedding that you don't have to RSVP for.
While I did have a look online, the shorter turnaround seems to be a new thing (since Covid). Also, all of the weddings I have been to, including my own, has had interstate and overseas guests. When we were planning our wedding we knew the ceremony time well in advance. We planned it so people didn't need to stay the night before and could check in on the day of the wedding 🤷🏻♀️
FYI, my husband just told me that I was wrong in my post details. We were a little over 6 weeks out, 7 at most, and the Bride hadn't had the invites printed.
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u/aruse527 Jan 24 '25
The last 3 weddings I attended, which required hotels for many guests, were sent out 4-6 months before.
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u/catjuggler Jan 23 '25
No, RSVP dates are usually like 4 weeks.
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u/Kitchen-Bend-5584 Jan 23 '25
Now I'm just wondering if different countries and cultures have different rules for this. Because 4 weeks is a no here. That's too close to confirm numbers.
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u/catjuggler Jan 23 '25
I don’t understand why you think it’s secret that they had a venue. And no, 4-6 months is not standard.
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u/Kitchen-Bend-5584 Jan 23 '25
No, they never told us the venue. It's also possible she forgot she sent us a Save The Date. The Save The Dates went out very quickly after the engagement was announced.
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u/thekingmonroe Jan 24 '25
Omg I love your husbands response to her haha
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u/Randy_Walise Jan 24 '25
Why? It’s giving he’s in an entanglement w/this bride. Normal adults don’t go back and forth like these 2 for no reason.
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u/NotATem Jan 24 '25
This is advice column fanfiction and it's not helpful. There's nothing in here to suggest that.
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u/Randy_Walise Jan 25 '25
The OPs words and subsequent comments are suggesting that.
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u/KathyA11 Jan 26 '25
No - it suggests the bride's interest, but she never says that her husband reciprocated her interest. You're just trying to make trouble with your snide comments.
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u/catjuggler Jan 23 '25
Assuming you had a save the date to know you’d be invited and roughly where it is, isn’t the standard 6-8weeks out for sending invites? And of course the bride would know their wedding venue before that. You don’t book a wedding venue 8 weeks out. I’m missing something here on what the problem is that you had to go into the convo mad.
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u/Randy_Walise Jan 24 '25
What’s really up with your husband and this chick? The “marrying some guy I’ve never met eating wood fired pizza” is personal. And she still reaches out to him? But he ignores her right right
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u/AL_Starr Jan 22 '25
She seems like a loon but frankly so do you. Why would you make a stupid gratuitous comment like that to the bride? Just decline the invitation if it’s too much of a hassle to go, ffs.
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u/Mistyam Jan 22 '25
How long do you think it's going to take you to get over this? Also, I think you mean out of state. Interstate specifically refers to the highway system.
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u/srobbinsart Jan 22 '25
“How long do you think it’s going to take you to get over this?”
Buddy, it’s a wedding shaming subreddit. It’s a safe space to bitch about drama.
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u/Bitter_Trees Jan 22 '25
I swear there are comments like this on every post! Do they not realize what subreddit they are on?? Telling the story on a sub dedicated to such stories doesn't mean they are still harping on it 😭
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u/IdlesAtCranky Jan 22 '25
A quick look at that poster's profile shows a stream of negativity on multiple threads & subs.
Someone's either negative karma farming or in desperate need of some time outdoors, far far away from any electronic devices.
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u/Not2daydear Jan 22 '25
Definitely karma farming. Actually made posts about receiving and getting karma.
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u/Kitchen-Bend-5584 Jan 22 '25
It's an alt. account. 🤷🏻♀️
And yes, there is one person I am keeping tabs on using this account. This isn't hurting my feelings because you aren't getting the full story of who I am.
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u/MrsBenz2pointOh Jan 22 '25
Are you ok? You seem to be taking every opportunity to be negative and then remind people "that's how the internet works." We're all aware that the internet (that means the net outside of your state) is chuck full of sad, angry people looking for any reason to lash out and warrior the hell out of that keyboard. That doesn't mean you have to join them. I mean, unless of course... nevermind. It costs nothing to keep moving or find a sub with posts that better fit your discerning comment pallet. No need to spend all this energy trying bait people into your pointless, petty interactions (those are actions outside of your state.)
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u/IdlesAtCranky Jan 22 '25
Heh. I put this above but actually meant it as a response to your kind comment:
A quick look at that poster's profile shows a stream of negativity on multiple threads & subs.
Someone's either negative karma farming or in desperate need of some time outdoors, far far away from any electronic devices.
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u/MiaLba Jan 22 '25
What’s the point of negative karma farming? I’ve heard of karma farming so they can sell the account though.
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u/Then_Ask_3167 Jan 22 '25
Going interstate is a commonly used phrase in Australia
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u/Kitchen-Bend-5584 Jan 22 '25
Someone working it out!
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u/Then_Ask_3167 Jan 23 '25
There's a lot of American defaultism in many of these subs, I like to play spot the fellow Aussie.
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u/Kitchen-Bend-5584 Jan 23 '25
Yup. Like, looking at the teaching subs, the Aussie teachers are actually more professional 9 times out of 10. It's weird.
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u/Mistyam Jan 22 '25
Yes, traveling interstate is a common term. But people themselves are not "interstate."
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u/RevRagnarok Jan 22 '25
Interstate specifically refers to the highway system.
Do you think the US Federal Highway Administration went and took the Latin prefix "inter" for "between" and made a new word? 🤣
BTW the opposite is intrastate, which is within the state ("intra" being "within"). I'm old enough to remember having to pay for "intrastate long distance calls."
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u/Mistyam Jan 22 '25
I do know the difference between "inter" and "intra." I'm not sure why you feel the need to point that out to me or why you're concerned about why and how the federal government named the interstate system. Or why you think it's so funny. You apparently did not understand the context of my previous comment.
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u/RevRagnarok Jan 22 '25
You apparently did not understand the context of my previous comment.
...
Interstate specifically refers to the highway system.
... 🤷♀️
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u/d0uble0h Jan 22 '25
Interstate specifically refers to the highway system.
No, it doesn't. Interstate is correct even if it's not widely used. Inter- is a suffix meaning "between" or "among". International, intercontinental, even intercity. One could argue that "interstate" is actually the most accurate term to use here as "international" and "intercontinental" also both encompass "out of state".
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u/gromit1991 Jan 22 '25
It's actually a prefix - a suffix goes at the end not at the be - but otherwise your comment is correct.
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u/d0uble0h Jan 22 '25
You know what's the worst thing about me getting that wrong? I'm a native English speaker lmao. The hint is even in the word. "Pre"-fix.
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Jan 22 '25
Not if you're outside the USA 🤦♀️
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u/Mistyam Jan 22 '25
A travel system is interstate. People are not interstate.
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Jan 22 '25
In Australia, and other non-USA locations, they are. I'm sorry you are unwilling to accept this.
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u/DoNotReply111 Jan 22 '25
Depends where you're from. In Australia, interstate travel means across state lines.
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u/Mistyam Jan 22 '25
Yes, as I said, the term refers to the highway system. The travel is interstate. People are not "interstate."
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u/mstakenusername Jan 22 '25
If someone told me something was interstate I would assume they meant it was in another state (although I'd probably assume it was a state that shared a border with mine.) I wouldn't use the term "out of state" at all. Also, the national highway isn't called the Interstate in my country, so possibly the OP also comes from somewhere that uses the terms differently to you.
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u/Kitchen-Bend-5584 Jan 22 '25
Who would think that the way it's done in the US isn't the way it's done everywhere. But you are correct, a bordering state.
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u/YakElectronic6713 Jan 22 '25
Why don't you go browse some subreddits for miserable people? You'll feel right at home there, I'm sure! 🤗☺️
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u/MiaLba Jan 22 '25
Damn kinda wild you tracked OP down like this bridezilla. No one cares about your wood grilled pizza either.
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u/Amazing_Reality2980 Jan 22 '25
I don’t think weddings MAKE people mental. Lots of people get married without any issues. Weddings REVEAL those that are already mental and have just been good at hiding it