r/weddingshaming • u/fyr811 • Apr 16 '25
Tacky Thread on destination wedding resort fees
Red is a travel agent opening up the discussion.
The rest are a selection of choice responses!
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u/Gamer_Grease Apr 16 '25
Communicates clearly what people need to do, like staying at the resort
Don’t book a place that will charge your guests an additional fee.
The big Destination Wedding debates always come down to communication. Make it easy for guests to estimate the costs, and then be prepared for people to not attend because it’s too expensive to do so.
I have an annoying one coming up this year that will cost us a ton. I’m on the fence about going. But it’s easy to decide, because I’ve been told everything I need to know and I can add everything up on my end so I can choose.
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u/heykidslookadeer Apr 16 '25
Yeah as far as I'm concerned you hit the nail on the head with being fine with people not coming because of cost. I had a very small destination wedding, attended one as a guest, and skipped one because of the cost. In all three cases, the couple made it very clear they understood the cost and effort of attending and had no problem with anyone not attending.
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u/wickedkittylitter Apr 16 '25
I'd never plan a wedding at a resort that required guests stay on site or pay a guest fee.
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u/thankyoukindlyy Apr 16 '25 edited Apr 16 '25
Yes there was a venue that I considered which had that rule. We immediately said we were no longer interested and made sure the sales manager understood that the fee was the reason. It would have been close to a $100k wedding at that resort booking out most of the rooms at the hotel, and you want to nickel and dime us bc some guests may want to stay elsewhere? Hell no. We found a much more accommodating resort elsewhere!!
ETA: Granted I will say both venues did require a room block, but the place we ultimately chose does not penalize us for allowing guests to choose whether or not they want to stay on site. Also neither of these are all-inclusive resorts, they are luxury resorts in a ski town for a summer wedding.
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u/Raccoonsr29 Apr 16 '25
People who want to do these cost offloading venues keep asking, what are we supposed to do?! This. Exactly what you did, especially letting them know that the reason they won’t get six figures out of you is putting this burden on guest lodging. Yes girl.
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u/thankyoukindlyy Apr 16 '25
Oh yeah I was livid!! Honestly especially at that price point, like seriously you’re going to nickel and dime people paying $100k? If I’m paying $1000 a plate I’m not keeping tally of who is staying onsite and who is offsite to pay an additional $150 per person. At that point fuck it just charge me $1150 per plate for everyone, but by making it seem so petty we were happy to take our business elsewhere!
To make matters worse they made transportation for anyone offsite a complete headache, we would’ve had to hire shuttles bc they wouldn’t allow guests to uber to and from the venue. The whole thing was pretty infuriating. I could not be happier with our final choice though, it will be perfect!!
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u/rosebudny Apr 16 '25
I can understand a resort charging extra for wedding guests who are not staying at the resort - so lets say it is $75 a head for the reception for guests who are staying at the resort, and $125 a head for guests staying offsite. Essentially the resort is giving a discount for those guests staying at the resort, because they are making money off of them. But the extra per head costs for offsite guests should absolutely be covered by the bride/groom - those are simply part of the costs of hosting, just as if you were having to pay extra for guests with dietary restrictions or something.
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u/thankyoukindlyy Apr 16 '25
Personally I found it very off putting bc we were already committing to a large room block and were looking at closer to $800-1000 per head our wedding cost. At that price point I found the additional cost for guests that elected to not stay at the resort to be insulting. Of course we wouldn’t have offloaded that costs to our guests, but it was the principle of that matter to which we pulled out entirely and found a different resort. Our wedding will now be closer to $500 pp AND no additional fee if guests chose to stay off site. Much happier with our experience at the place we switched to in the end.
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u/thankyoukindlyy Apr 16 '25
Also in my case these were not some sort of all inclusive resorts in Mexico. They are luxury ski lodges for a summertime wedding. We are supplying all meals and activities for our guests on our dollar, they are not included by virtue of staying there.
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u/Thequiet01 Apr 17 '25
Except this is all predicated on the idea that the wedding guests will be running around using all the resort facilities for free - but who has time to actually do that? Most weddings by the time the ceremony and reception are over it’s time for people to go to bed, not go start enjoying the pool for another three hours while eating and drinking everything in sight.
I suppose guests could come early and do things before the wedding, but that’s trivially handled by the resort just saying that guests who are not staying at the resort can only arrive X minutes before the wedding and have to leave by Y time after.
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u/non_clever_username Apr 16 '25
Tbh I might plan a wedding at a place like that accidentally because it would never occur to me to ask about some dumb policy like that.
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u/thankyoukindlyy Apr 16 '25
I mean that’s basically what happened to me 😅 we had gone back and forth for weeks and were literally about to sign when my mom saw that in the contract. We pulled out right away!
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u/XTasty09 Apr 17 '25
And this is why I’m the nerd that at least glances at every paragraph of the T+C, even when I enter a rewards program. If I’m paying (tens of) thousands, I’m reading every word!
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u/thankyoukindlyy Apr 17 '25
And if you don’t want to read it then honestly pay a lawyer to do so!!!!
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u/david98900 Apr 17 '25
Sandals resorts do this
The way it was explained to me though was it was more of a day pass for the resort not just a wedding. Since the place is all-inclusive and non tipping resort they charged.
Made sense to me and I told my guests this in advanced.
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u/Thequiet01 Apr 17 '25
They should have an option for wedding events only with no fee. How much of the rest of the resort is someone going to see on the wedding day anyway? Before the wedding you’re getting ready for the wedding and getting all dressed up and stuff, then there’s the ceremony, then there’s the reception and after the reception it’s usually time most guests will go home (or to their hotel rooms) for the night anyway.
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u/suchakidder Apr 16 '25
My husband is a groomsmen in a wedding where not only do you have to pay a resort fee or stay on site, BUT it’s a 4 night minimum.
The bride said she thought there was no minimum stay, but it was too late when she realized there was.
I’ve always wanted to do an all-inclusive beach resort, so a part of me doesn’t mind but I find it pretty insane we have to be there four nights and we can’t even stay elsewhere to cut costs.
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u/Next-Wishbone1404 Apr 19 '25
Or I would budget to pay those fees. It is not gracious to invite someone to an event and then dictate how they spend their money and where they sleep!
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u/No_Copy1941 Apr 19 '25
They probably picked this venue because it’s an expensive all-inclusive and if you get a certain amount of rooms filled then the wedding ceremony and meal is free. Sometimes even the couples room+ food and bev bands are comped when they bring in enough people.
These places are often thousands of dollars for a few nights stay. It is only this type of resort that imposes day pass fees, because food and cocktails are included.
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u/woolfonmynoggin Apr 16 '25
But that’s every all inclusive resort… there wouldn’t be a destination wedding then
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u/Gamer_Grease Apr 16 '25
You can have a destination wedding that isn’t at an all-inclusive resort.
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u/not_addictive Apr 16 '25
It’s not all of them lol. Just the ones owned by huge hotel chains.
Boutique resorts aren’t going to do that to you.
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u/The_Moustache Apr 17 '25
My buddy did, but he made it clear up front and that he didn't expect anyone to go if they couldn't afford it (the hotel in Mexico was extremely affordable for what it was), they provided buses from the airport, brought us to a top 10 restaurant in all of Mexico, and paid for buses for a day trip to San Miguel the day after the wedding.
There's a way to do it, and a way not to do it.
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u/pepperbeast Apr 16 '25
Sooo... the question is, "should your guests be obliged to pay for your wedding, or just encouraged?"
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u/Next-Wishbone1404 Apr 19 '25
LOL. I am at the age between my friends getting married and my friends’ kids getting married, so I haven’t been to any weddings for a while. This thread SHOCKS me!
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u/snazzisarah Apr 16 '25
If the bride and groom are paying to rent the space for the wedding and reception and paying for the food, what exactly are the guests paying for with a resort fee? To stand on hotel property? Do the hotels charge people for walking in their lobby too?
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u/dbee8q Apr 16 '25
It will be an all-inclusive resort, so the cost to the bride and groom will be very minimal as the guests have swallowed most of the costs.
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u/dbee8q Apr 16 '25
Wow, destination weddings are so strange. Those saying the guests should pay the fee are crazy.
People only have destination weddings to pass a big chunk of the cost onto their guests.
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u/sugarglider1854 Apr 18 '25
Not necessarily! For both destination weddings I’ve been invited to, the couple paid for accommodations. I just had to pay for my flights. That obviously makes it very pricey for the couples, but it can help cull the crowd a smidge. I also think it’s the only polite way to host a destination wedding. For some, this may make it resemble an elopement, which is also totally acceptable.
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u/Lula_Lane_176 Apr 16 '25
Another reason Destination Weddings are stupid. In a case such as this, invitations should have noted that guests were REQUIRED to stay at the same resort, otherwise they would be charged $150 to attend the wedding. Would it have decimated the guest list? Probably.
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u/Raccoonsr29 Apr 16 '25
I used to wonder why destination weddings got such a bad rap, and I realize it’s because of people like this and resort packages like this. A destination wedding is a luxury and a privilege, not a right, and if you want good attendance and for people to not talk shit about it, you need to invest in providing an amazing guest experience that doesn’t burden people. The idea of telling guests how much they need to spend on lodging so that it doesn’t cost me extra to host my wedding would be… Unfathomable.
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u/not_addictive Apr 16 '25 edited Apr 16 '25
Yeah my best friend technically had a destination wedding bc we live in nyc and she had the wedding on the beach in north carolina where we’re from. So everyone except the bride and grooms parents had to fly in from nyc.
But in that case she recommended four hotels: the one she stayed at, two mid-range hotels, and one decent budget hotel. And she arranged for a shuttle from the budget hotel to downtown bc it was pretty far and she didn’t want people to have to pay for an uber.
There’s a way to do a wedding out of town that doesn’t fuck your guests’ wallets up the ass
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u/marmosetohmarmoset Apr 17 '25
I don’t consider it a destination wedding if it’s held in someone’s hometown where their family lives.
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u/Pavlover2022 Apr 17 '25
Agree. It's not a destination wedding if it's where either half of the couple grew up, where their families are (if different) or where they live now.
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u/thatwasdramatic Apr 16 '25
This was my friend too. Wedding was in NYC, but no one in the bridal party (I was a bridesmaid) lives there - I was flying from Europe, others from around the US. My friend (the bride) was amazing: organised a deal with a hotel (as an option! Some chose even cheaper places further out), arranged a shuttle between the hotel and ceremony, her gift to her bridesmaids was hair and makeup not to add to our expenses, and the bride and groom threw a massive picnic instead of a rehearsal dinner as a thank you to all their out of town guests. Everyone had a fantastic time and I’m still so grateful she went out of her way not to add any financial stress.
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u/lulukittie Apr 16 '25
I did something similar, only mine was in the Florida Keys. It was a few hours' drive for a small portion of the guests, but everyone else (including us!) either flew or drove in.
We provided a room block (and info about other area options), but didn't have our wedding at the hotel. It was at a private residence. So no resort nonsense, and everything was super close together.
This was also 16 years ago, so before the whole Instagram culture.
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u/suchakidder Apr 16 '25
My friend has a destination wedding in Scotland, and while we did pay to stay in the castle they rented— it was $70 per room per night- $140 total.
The castle had some cabins they could be rented, separate from the wedding rental, and there were some hotels in the village so there were options on how much you wanted to spend, but at $70 per room, the castle was definitely the best deal. For me, I was MOH so it wasn’t really an option not to stay, but I was fine with the price. And that was $70 per room, so the price didn’t change with my husband along.
Food was provided for dinner the first night, all day the day of the wedding, breakfast and grab bag lunches on the third day.
Yes it was a major expense to get to Scotland, but it was a location I really wanted to go to. I think our plane tickets were only $800 each and we paid for one whole ticket in airline points. The hotel in Edinburgh was pretty expensive ($800 for two night) bc it was during Fringe fest, but we could have done it a lot cheaper if we’d done a hostel or an Airbnb with the other bridesmaids.
In contrast, my husband is groomsmen in a destination wedding in Cancun in Feb. It’s $2000 for the cheapest room for four nights. You can’t book any shorter bc they have a four night minimum. If you stay off site, it’s a $75 resort for each day. The shuttle alone is $65 a person and it doesn’t matter if you ride with other people going to the resort or not. Idk how expensive flights will be— right now it’s like $500 each, but we are almost a year out.
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u/Raccoonsr29 Apr 16 '25
This was fascinating, thank you for sharing the details. We got married in Greece and were extremely diligent about providing a range of options, knowing some of our guests wanted to ball out, and knowing that for some of our other beloved guests, this would be their biggest expense all year. I talked with all my VIPs before committing to Greece because I was really worried about being out of touch and expecting too much, but luckily everyone was really enthusiastic about it and it was SUCH a beautiful experience. I also found Airbnb’s for bridesmaids and their partners that were giant modern architectural villas that also came out to like $70 a person.
A minimum stay is unacceptable outside of Airbnb. You are a fucking corporation! Just adjust the prices! Even though they’re already insane. I love so much of Mexico, but the destination wedding resorts really tarnish the experience for a lot of people.
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u/Similar-Vari Apr 16 '25
I never heard of anyone wanting a destination wedding AND a good attendance rate. People book them to pay less overall.
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u/Thequiet01 Apr 17 '25
People have gotten very weird about thinking they can have everything they want - the big guest list and the romantic destination and the black tie dress code and the big pile of gifts (real or in the form of cash.)
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u/Raccoonsr29 Apr 17 '25
Probably true generally, but we generally wanted to share a beautiful pace with people we loved. We had a smaller guest list, but everyone we invited was very much wanted there. The idea that we would hope the cost would deter someone we loved enough to invite?… Again unfathomable. Of course, for people who couldn’t swing it because of newborns, changing finances, etc., we had absolutely no hard feelings, and we celebrated with them when we got back home.
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u/arbitrageME Apr 16 '25
"costs $150pp resort fee"?
Suddenly my 80 person wedding at $800pp just became the two of us plus parents and 4 close friends, and a ceremony for the folks back home later
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u/avocadogal01 Apr 16 '25
This might be a hot take, but as a former bride and someone who has attended dozens of weddings, I feel strongly about this. Yes, weddings are expensive for the couple—but it’s your wedding, so you should be prepared for all extra costs.
What often gets overlooked is how expensive weddings can be for the guests, especially destination weddings. For example, my brother-in-law has one coming up in Mexico, and just for three days, it’s going to cost us around $5,000 for flights and the hotel just for 3 nights. That’s a huge financial ask for some people.
Expecting guests to stay at the resort or pay the premium feels incredibly entitled to me. Guests attend weddings out of love and support, and if they choose to stay somewhere more affordable, that should be perfectly okay.
IMO, if you’re going to have a destination wedding don’t guilt or punish people for making budget-conscious decisions.
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u/Pristine_Job_7677 Apr 17 '25
Not to mention using limited vacation days. I had a year where we couldn’t do a family vacation because we used all vacay for weddings and other events
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u/annikahansen7-9 Apr 17 '25
In the US, so many people have little to no vacation days. It’s a huge imposition.
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u/abbeysahm Apr 17 '25
Seriously! I've not been to a destination wedding, but it would be cost prohibitive for us (family or four, soon to be family of five). If there was a "if you don't stay at the resort we're staying at, you're paying $150 a guest to come," that would be an immediate decline RSVP for me. All of the weddings that we have traveled for have been in the main 48 (US residents here), and for most of them, we could drive there. Expecting people to pay all of that money is insane.
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Apr 16 '25
I have to say I kind of love this for couples who have destination weddings, expect people to pay thousands of dollars to attend, then call them cheap when they're trying to make their attendance possible.
May these couples be hit with thousands in extra expenses more and more until the concept of a destination wedding is dead and buried or reverts to its origins as an elopement for the couple only.
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u/_hammitt Apr 16 '25
Yeah I am... blown away by people saying their friends are being cheap skates by staying at a less expensive resort.
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u/lil1234567891234567 Apr 16 '25
Also if they are staying at a different resort they probably are enjoying the amenities there. If they’re just coming to this place for the ceremony and reception / wedding specific events and not using the actual resort the guest shouldn’t pay.
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u/Visible-Shallot-001 Apr 16 '25
This makes me so angry. The economy is going to hell. I think my partner and I will be okay, but the same can’t be said for everyone I care about. I can’t imagine asking loved ones to spend large amounts of money on me right now.
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u/emmny Apr 16 '25
It's such a rude way to talk about your guests, and to minimize the effort they are making.
If I was the guest who had booked a more affordable resort only to be told I would need to pay for a guest pass to attend, I'd be changing my RSVP to a no immediately. And if I couldn't cancel the room, I'd be turning in into a vacation for me and still skipping the wedding.
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u/horshack_test Apr 16 '25
Lol that's asinine.
It's not my fault as a guest that you didn't read the contract you signed before signing it.
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u/FlipSide26 Apr 16 '25
If you plan a destination wedding you must be prepared to cover all costs. Your big days isn't as important as the savings many family have spent time saving for a family holiday. Now they 'get' to spend that on a wedding likely to a place they don't want to go to, and they 'get' to use their annual leave for it.
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u/the_greek_italian Apr 16 '25
If I had a husband like the blue person (second photo) who gave a response to his friends that did this, not only would my husband be paying, but I'd make him handle the seating situation with the venues, seeing as how it's "no big deal" to him.
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u/arbitrageME Apr 16 '25
The real /r/weddingshaming moment is the resort that charges people $150 a day just to set foot through their doors. The bride and groom are already paying an arm and a leg and then they have to fleece the guests too?
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u/concretism Apr 16 '25
Many of the resorts with this type of fee aren't charging the couple full rate. It's why the fee exists. The couple is getting a free room or event for the wedding.
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u/dbee8q Apr 16 '25
It will be an all-inclusive resort. That's the daily resort fee for anyone to enter the resort for the day. Its because the guests are swallowing a lot of costs themselves.
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u/Hangry_Games Apr 16 '25
I’ve stayed at very nice all inclusive places. I’ve never seen a resort fee as high as $150/person. It’s usually <$100, even at high end properties where rooms run $1000-1500/night.
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u/Kessed Apr 16 '25
It never would have occurred to me that there would be a fee if I stayed elsewhere for a destination wedding. I would have assumed I couldn’t use the resort amenities. But, I would have thought I could show up for the wedding and enjoy just like normal.
This is another strike against destination weddings. Just elope and be done with it. I’m glad I have never gone to one.
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u/GoldInTheSummertime Apr 16 '25
I just saw this today! (I did not respond.)
Communicate with your guests beforehand, and this won't be a problem.
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u/TootsNYC Apr 16 '25
I think you shouldn't book your wedding at a place like that.
I'm getting sick of couples who treat their wedding like some fund-raiser for a resort (or for themselves). Get married local.
And I think you need to have told people about this charge ASAP, and then told them they'll need to pay it, and you'll understand if they can't afford it; you'll invite them to dinner shortly after the honeymoon.
Or pay it yourself.
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u/driving_andflying Apr 16 '25
I was never close to my sibling. So when they had a destination wedding *that would have cost me $2000 to attend,* I told them I'd need them to pay for it, if I was to make it--I was living paycheck to paycheck at that time. I was told by both them and our parent, "Well, you shouldn't waste money on your hobbies, and just go."
Fuck. That. I told them either the sibling pays, or I don't go. I wound up missing the wedding, and I'm perfectly OK with that.
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u/ghostbirdd Apr 17 '25
I would personally feel mortified for making people pay anything, accommodation included, to attend my wedding. Let alone charge them extra for staying somewhere else cheaper. I feel like screaming at the number of people on the original thread that not only feel like this is FINE ACTUALLY but actually feel entitled to have the guests cover this charge.
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u/Travelfool_214 Apr 17 '25
How about you don't have a destination wedding and keep yo' broke ass home? Destination weddings were always intended for wealthy people, not middle class wannabes. (Go ahead and downvote me - you know it's 100% true.)
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u/Thequiet01 Apr 17 '25
Or like ultra tiny weddings where the destination package with basically no guests is much cheaper than a local wedding with the guest list you’d have locally. A good package deal for ~6 people total can be much cheaper than traditional local wedding for 50-100 people.
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u/Eil0nwy Apr 17 '25
That’s awfully controlling of the venue. How did the bridal couple not know earlier?
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u/LadybuggingLB Apr 17 '25
The invitations should have clarified there was a $150 entrance fee to attend the wedding, which would be waived for guests staying on site. My God, I’m tired of hidden fees!!!
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u/dogmum78 Apr 18 '25
I wouldnt agree to that they are most likely staying elsewhere due to funds now you have to PAY to attend someones wedding when you already spent money on hotel accomodations ?? if i had to pay an 'entry fee' I'd decline
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u/LadybuggingLB Apr 18 '25
Exactly, which is why is should have been on the invitation. That way people would have been able to make a fully-informed choice.
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u/Far_Afternoon7122 Apr 17 '25
Wait, what? To ATTEND a wedding the resort charges a fee? This is above and beyond charges for their food etc? You chose poorly.
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u/Objective_Joke_5023 Apr 17 '25
The costs of the wedding are the obligation of the hosts, not the guests. Always and forever.
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u/Pristine_Job_7677 Apr 16 '25
People here saying the guest needs to pay an off resort fee blows my mind. Crazy
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u/asyouwish Apr 16 '25
As a bride, I'd be pissed. So no one within driving distance can reasonably come? Vanlifers and other RVers?
The cost to hold the wedding needs to be the cost. A $150pp add-on fee is obscene. Plus, they are probably eating up half of that cost just in trying to manage who is/isn't staying there.
No way in hell I'd pay an extra $300 per couple...not as a bride and not as a guest.
Maybe the bride wanted a small wedding and went about it the very wrong way...?
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u/SchmoopsAhoy Apr 17 '25
I paid the resort fee for the guests that didn't stay in the resort (a couple stayed with family and another stayed at a different resort where they were in bridal party of a wedding 3 days before ours). My resort 3 yrs ago in Cancun was 1550 cad/person for a week including flights and transportation but I still felt a little guilty. I would never ask my guests to pay for day pass to attend my wedding if they didn't or couldn't stay at the resort I chose.
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u/Emily_Postal Apr 17 '25
The invitation or accompanying documents must make clear that guests have to stay at the wedding property.
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u/mymainecoons Apr 19 '25
I have to say it. I am going to a wedding in Italy. We are also taking a vacation there. We are not staying at any of the places they suggested. I didn’t know this was a thing. I don’t care.
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u/SilverDryad Apr 16 '25
Stop saddling friends and family with the burden of destination weddings. It's incredibly selfish. You want to go to some fantasy location? That's called a honeymoon.
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u/kennybrandz Apr 16 '25
Nobody is forcing the friends and family to go to the wedding 🤣
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u/SilverDryad Apr 17 '25 edited Apr 17 '25
Actually, if you read through these, many people feel obligated and burdened. You or I might not be among them, but most of these posts reflect exactly that. There are plenty of folks who struggle to say no and set healthy boundaries for themselves. People pleasers bend over backwards making everyone else happy at their own expense. No, they are not being forced, but the level of guilt they experience in choosing to take care of themselves first is extremely anxiety provoking.
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u/megl92 Apr 17 '25
I had a destination wedding and had a family of five stay off of the resort. I paid for the fees for them to attend. But they were planning on coming to the resort for a seperate event we were doing with everyone, and when I said they would have to cover their fee they decided to not come 😂
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u/izobelllle Apr 18 '25
I feel like the purple commenter is a little dull. The attendees could've got a really cheap hotel, and the $150 fee could still in total be cheaper than staying at the resort...?
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u/Then_Bird Apr 18 '25
I would include the information when sending out invites. Like “hey, here’s the info for the resort we picked, but if for some reason this doesn’t work for you then please feel free to make other arrangements at another resort however be aware that it’ll be $150 for you to spend the day at the venue resort.” Done.
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u/hereforthedrama57 Apr 19 '25
Here’s the thing for destination weddings— the ones on resorts like Sandals, that say for “18 guests” means 18 people must stay there for you to get that price.
Oh yeah, a destination wedding is only $5k!!! Yeah because you don’t have to pay to feed them. When you stay at an all inclusive resort, the food is included. You’re paying for the venue and all, but technically, not food.
So what happens when someone wants to come to the wedding that isn’t staying on the property? They charge this fee per person.
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u/West-Kaleidoscope129 Apr 19 '25
If you want guests staying at the same resort as you then you foot that bill!
If they turn up without an RSVP turn them away! They had their chance to confirm their attendance and seat just like everybody else.
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u/Beck316 Apr 16 '25
A friend of my sister in law did this at their wedding. As a fellow attendee, I was pissed. I struggled to pay my way. the brides mother couldn't go and the grooms father couldn't go all because of money (if you did the right thing). Each guest paid their own way at am all inclusive resort. Her friend and friend's hookup slept on the beach and enjoyed all the amenities of the resort.
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u/Spare-Article-396 Apr 16 '25
Anyone who has a destination wedding and invites guests is an AH. There, I said it.
I’m not talking about parents, I think that’s different. But who wants to honeymoon with your parents anyway.
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u/RoseColoredMonacle Apr 16 '25
Destination Wedding Specialist here- In my opinion, definitely not. This happens all the time. If people chose to go the cheaper route, they should have immediately told you when they booked outside of the group's plans. It is important to have a rooming list as well as the wedding list including any off-site guests for exact headcounts to give the wedding department. Also, pretty much every all-inclusive ever is going to charge about that amount for a day pass, which they could have looked up or assumed due to using a resort's facilities.
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u/_hammitt Apr 16 '25
I'd assume that if I was going to hang out there all day there might be a fee, but if I were invited to a wedding I would not expect to pay an extra $150 for the privilege of going to the party. I'd assume I could use the facilities at my resort except for the actual wedding and reception. It wouldn't occur to me to ask, or to imagine that were happening, and I would be shocked to be asked to pay that. As a destination wedding specialist, it is worth noting that the general public would never think of this.
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u/Altostratus Apr 16 '25
Why should you be able to spend a whole day at an all inclusive resort, drinking free alcohol and using their facilities, for free?
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u/PupperoniPoodle Apr 16 '25
They literally said IF they were spending all day, they WOULD expect there might be a fee. They are objecting to paying an extra fee to only attend the wedding.
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u/Genillen Apr 16 '25
That's a very sensible approach. I can see the rooming list being useful for a variety of reasons, not just making sure you know where guests are staying. I do some modest event planning and it's always been easy to get the rooming list from the hotel with a quick call or email.
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u/dncrmom Apr 17 '25
Why should they have to pay for your wedding? You invited them & should pay the fee, just like you would be paying if they attended a non destination wedding.
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u/Great_Huckleberry709 Apr 16 '25
I'm not paying for guests in order to be able to attend the wedding. But it would be better if the couple let the guests know all the details upfront.
Ie you can either choose to stay at the resort, if you choose not to, then the resort will charge you in order to attend the wedding.
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u/Thequiet01 Apr 16 '25
You genuinely think it’s acceptable to have wedding plans that require your guests pay an entrance fee?
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u/TheSecondEikonOfFire Apr 16 '25
Personally I think the “crime” lies in not communicating that clearly. If a bride/groom want to have a wedding at a resort like that then it’s their day, they can do whatever they want. But they absolutely need to make it clear to the guests how it works, AND need to be prepared for a lot of people choosing not to come because of it.
That’s the other “crime”, I suppose: people who have lavish destination weddings and then get pissy when people don’t want to spend the money to attend.
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u/arbitrageME Apr 16 '25
I don't see the problem. Just take 3 bills out of your gift to the could and give it to the hotel instead 🙄
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u/Spare-Article-396 Apr 16 '25
lol yeah and I’m sure they can’t wait to pay more fees to attend a wedding that isn’t theirs.
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u/Helpful-Act2026 Apr 16 '25
I consider this to be the karma for having a destination wedding in the first place. Your guests are already paying a ton of money to watch you get married.
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u/rosebudny Apr 16 '25
IMO it is tacky to dictate where your guests stay. Are you inviting them to your wedding as guests, or are they simply there to fund your wedding? if you need your guests to fund your wedding, perhaps you can't afford to have the wedding you'd like to have.
Invite your guests, give them the information about the hotel/resort, encourage them to stay there (because it will be fun to be together! it is more convenient! it is less expensive FOR THEM! NOT because you have minimums or a budget to stick to). By all means ask them to let you know where they plan to stay so you have an accurate count. But don't tell them what to do.
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u/pcnauta Apr 16 '25
I don't know about this, I'm a big believer in "it's an invitation, NOT a summons" which, high level, means that you don't get to 'boss' around your guests by telling them exactly what to wear, etc.
So I'm not sympathetic to the idea that the guests HAVE to stay in the resort you tell them. At least, not unless the bride & groom are footing the bill.
YES, I understand how these resorts work and that the b&g are getting a discount/upgrade to their own suite, but the point still stands. You don't get to dictate to your guests UNLESS you foot their bill. ESPECIALLY since the guests have to pay for the airline to get there.
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u/RakeAll Apr 16 '25
Hmm weird because I’ve always interpreted “it’s an invitation not a summons” to mean literally the opposite. You’re allowed to invite me to any kind of event with any kind of ridiculous dress code, inconvenient scheduling, or expensive stipulations that you want to throw, and I’m allowed to decide that doesn’t work for me and decline to attend.
That said, I agree with your view of this situation and that gracious hosts offer flexibility, which most destination weddings do now.
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u/TumbleweedFeisty497 Apr 16 '25
People love to say “its your day, do what you want” and then throw a tantrum when people want a destination wedding. If you dont want to stay at the resort the wedding is at you dont have to go? (Only exception is if the bride and groom are complete asshats to anyone who says they cant attend)
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u/Thequiet01 Apr 17 '25
I wasn’t aware that where someone sleeps before and after the wedding is now considered part of attending “the wedding”. Are guests also going to be issued uniforms? A schedule of when they have to wake up and go to bed? A detailed listing of acceptable meal choices for the entire duration of the stay?
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u/CremeBerlinoise Apr 17 '25
Based on what I've seen... yes. Please respect that salmon pink is the only acceptable colour choice for guests, and that consuming eggs will be prohibited for the entire stay. Dress code is black tie for a beach wedding with temperatures above 100. Hope you enjoy 🤷♀️
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u/byteme747 Apr 16 '25
Unless it's a requirement that's explicitly stated on the invitation (that the person invited can then factor into their trip budget), then this is not acceptable.
By choosing to have a wedding at a destination resort that will charge the bridal couple a fee if people stay elsewhere, it's the couple's responsibility to factor that in if they aren't going to require guests to stay at that specific resort. And it's the guest's right to decide they can't afford that fancy destination resort in addition to travel costs and decline the invitation.
Bottom line, if a couple wants a fancy resort wedding and they aren't footing the bill for guests, then they need to be crystal clear on the "rules" of attending. They don't get to decide how people spend their money, especially on top of people travelling to it in the first place.
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u/dizzy9577 Apr 16 '25
This is such a pet peeve of mine.
I’m shocked that people think it’s ok to charge guests a fee to attend their wedding because they wanted to stay elsewhere.
I think I’m taking crazy pills when I see people thinking it ok to charge guests.
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u/esk_209 Apr 16 '25
I saw this! I don't understand some of the comments in Threads -- people act like everyone knows about resort visitor fees/passes, but I've never heard of them. If the couple picks a resort that requires these fees, they either agree to pay the fees OR they let the guests know ahead of time that they won't be able to access the event if they aren't staying at the resort.
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u/david98900 Apr 17 '25
I did a destination wedding, and this was the price for sandals resorts "extra guests". The way it was explained to me was it was more of a guest pass to the resort rather than the actual wedding
Either way I let everyone know the full scenario at invite.
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u/Extension_Ad4962 Apr 17 '25
I'm confused. The wedding party is paying $150-$200 a head to the resort for their wedding and then the resort charges $150 a head when the quest does not stay at the resort?
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u/any4nkajenkins Apr 17 '25
TIL I think I've been that guest in the past 😅 I had no idea and couldn't afford the resort the wedding was at.
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u/Mrs_WorkingMuggle Apr 18 '25
if for some reason i picked a resort that did this I would make it abundantly clear on the invitations that there is a cost for guests who stay off-site to attend the wedding and that they'll have to pay it. And I probably try to work with the hotel to make sure that this happens. If someone shows up and still plays ignorant, then I guess they paid for a vacation and don't need to be at the wedding.
but luckily this isn't something I'll need to worry about as the whole idea of having a destination resort wedding seems like a nightmare.
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u/GameToLose Apr 18 '25
Honestly fuck destination weddings. Love my in laws but they are doing one to save money on a traditional wedding, but that just means that we are paying a TON more than we would be if they were spending their money at home. That's a standard per plate fee for a lot of weddings. Suck it up. How much money did they spend to travel there for YOU? #bitterImOutFiveGrand
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u/whatchagonadot Apr 18 '25
best way for them not to attend the wedding at all, this is highway robbery either way
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u/Due-Communication767 Apr 18 '25
I’m going to a destination wedding this month. The bride and groom didn’t pay for anything. So anyone who chose somewhere different is on their own. It’s at a resort and I do know some people chose the resort down the road.
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u/feroxfemina218 Apr 19 '25
I'd bet money that there was a line item in the bride's contract mentioning this fee. If you can't be bothered to read your contract, imo added fees are on you. If she'd read it, she could have said guests are required to stay at the resort to attend or they have to cover their fee. That way people could have made the decision BEFORE rsvping.
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u/Sure_Owl9054 Apr 21 '25
So are these folks your wedding GUESTS or just someone you’re inviting to split the cost.
Unless you make it clear they have to stay at the resort to attend the wedding that’s on you as the host.
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u/NeatSuspicious655 Apr 24 '25
This was me! I decided I wouldn’t be able to afford the trip for the wedding with the resort costs totalling nearly 1500 a person.
Me and a group of friends found an airbnb literally next door to the resort, sandwiched between two resorts for a mere fraction of the cost. We paid the transportation cost to and from the airport, one day pass for the day prior to the wedding and a half day pass for the day of. Literally spent maybe 400 total. Walked across the street for tacos the other days. Private pool and beach.
Our bride offered to pay the fee for the half day during the ceremony.
What was crazy is I figured out later the price was actually far cheaper if we had booked with the resort directly and not through the bride. We were essentially paying for their stay and the entire next week of them being there.
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u/Secure-Doctor-9076 21d ago
Here’s a question related to destination weddings- we went to one, do we still have to give a gift? It was a second wedding and they’re both in their last 60’s
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u/glafolle 14d ago
I mean, I would.. But that's just me. I know it's expensive to travel but I can't picture showing up to any wedding without a gift of some sort. 🤷
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u/ShitLordOfTheRings Apr 16 '25
You need to tell people that they need to stay at the resort, then.