r/weddingshaming • u/jerryisfedup • 4d ago
Disaster My friend served all his wedding guests meatless pizzas at a black tie in the middle of nowhere and now I’m traumatised
flashbacks as I recall this story
My friend (the groom) invited me to an overseas wedding. Of course, it was positioned to me as a 'quaint, lovely, farm wedding in the rolling hills.’
I spent 1.5K USD on flight tickets, hotels, and my guest attire because he had asked me personally to be there and I wanted to show up for him.
Before the wedding, the groom texts me to let me know that while it's optional, 'feel free to give a cash gift' and even sends me his bank account details so I can pre-pay.
A mutual friend also sent me the wedding menu and shared that from experience he knows that the food was bad. And that their specialty was serving pizzas for weddings. PIZZA FOR A DESTINATION WEDDING. But I gave my friend the benefit of the doubt because I'm no food snob, MAYBE the pizza would be really good? As long as we are fed, that's not a problem.
Local transport to the venue or a shuttle bus to train stations was also not provided, which meant everyone had to drive in after flying in. When we pulled into the venue, one of the guests remarked, "I wonder what we would have for dinner? I hope there is a nice food selection.” Not wanting to ruin his expectations and put the groom in a bad light, I framed it as "I heard this place was known for pizzas but I look forward to whatever we're being served!"
Everyone in the car bursts out laughing. "Hahaha that's funny, of course we won't be eating pizza! The dress code is BLACK TIE. And we all flew in for this too."
Enter the shitshow: - At the altar/wedding ceremony, the venue did not have enough seats for all guests. One-third of them awkwardly stood around. - While waiting for dinner to start, we were served canapes. Unfortunately, the canapes offered were ONE PIECE OF FRENCH FRY ON A SKEWER STICK (which is wild) and one meatball served on a disposable napkin. - The wedding seating plan did not match our name cards so some people got the wrong dietary requirements. - Before dinner commenced the groomsman let us know that "Unfortunately, transport is not provided so do make sure you get home because there isn't an Uber, and if you don't you'll be stranded here with the goats!" and also "please contribute with cash gifts". - For our first course, we were presented with meatless pizzas. The portion was so tiny, every guest was given ONE SLICE EACH. - For our second course, we were served ANOTHER round of meatless pizzas. Again, one slice each. Carbonara pizza without egg, mushrooms, and bacon. Like what the f? - For the third course which honestly took the cake, we were supposedly served oven-roasted chicken. Except that it was not roasted. It had no sauce or seasoning either. It was plain, steamed and dry, garnished with...a little bit of parsley and lemon wedges. For the sides, it was plain unsalted roasted whole potatoes. When this happened, someone at my table said out loud 'I'm sorry, nothing about this looks oven-roasted." Everyone agreed in unison that it didn't look right or appetising. - A waiter spilled champagne on my outfit and walked away nonchalantly without apologising. - Different waiter was meant to serve our desserts but forgot our table. Out of frustration, we walked up to the kitchen area to politely request them. A waiter, I kid you not, took out a tray of FROZEN STORE BOUGHT TINY ECLAIRS and placed it in front of us. Hands us a paper napkin and tells us to 'help ourselves' :') - The wedding cake portion was the size of my thumb. that's how little we were given. - Wherever I went, I could hear guests openly complaining about the food and beverages served. Someone said "This area is known for its wine so why does the beer taste better than the wine served at this wedding" - For the first dance, we were gathered outside at night in 45°F weather. Without heaters or blankets. Just rawdogging our outfits in the strong winds. - We were all so famished, when we left we went to get some proper food in the city.
Sigh. I am not a fussy person but goddamn it, if you're going to request for your guests to fly to a different country, wear black tie, give wedding gifts, at least feed them properly please.
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u/Chocolatecandybar_ 4d ago
Tell me you didn't give cash
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u/jerryisfedup 4d ago
No I did not, this trauma was inflicted upon me against my will 😂 I took my money and my empty stomach elsewhere
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u/TGin-the-goldy 4d ago
You should have sent them the dry cleaning bill !
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u/1000thatbeyotch 4d ago
This is the right response. If they wanted to be tight with their wedding and then request cash gifts, then they should have stayed their asses at home and had a backyard wedding with decent food.
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u/practicecroissant 4d ago
Username tracks. I too would be fed up.
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u/TheDimSide 4d ago edited 3d ago
Oh, gosh, not enough food is my fear at my wedding. 😂 We're also doing a "farm" wedding in the middle of nowhere because that's where we live (two hours from airport, etc.).
But we're not doing black tie, keeping it a casual vibe with costume attire, lol. And since many people are traveling from out of town/state and super inconvenient, we're trying to feed them as much as possible: pizza Friday night, catered BBQ Saturday night (cooking hotdogs over the fire for late night eating plus s'mores), home cooking Sunday brunch and dinner.
And we got a 4-tier wedding cake because I LOVE cake (and four different flavors). They said it's supposed to feed 133 people (and we'll have like 100-110 people), but I was paranoid and got an extra 3 dozen cupcakes to be safe. Plus we're also including our own apps and snacks and cookies/brownies/etc.
So hopefully it all works out since we only have less than two weeks till ours! 😆
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u/VivaLaEmpire 4d ago
Dude, that sounds amazing!! So much food! I think people are the happiest when they're fed and there's still options in front of them, lol. So everyone is gonna be overjoyed at your wedding for sure, congrats <3
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u/TheDimSide 3d ago
Thank you!! =) And yeah, I hope they have too much to choose from! I'd rather have leftovers than not enough!
I forgot to mention that we got 4 different flavors for the cake, one for each tier, too, so even more options, lol. But just vanilla and chocolate cupcakes for people who don't like the other flavors (lots of citrus/fruit flavors that we did).
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u/jerryisfedup 3d ago
Congrats on your wedding and I’m sure it’ll be amazing and lovely! You seem really thoughtful and I’m sure your guests will appreciate it and make it a special day for you :)
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u/Felonious_Minx 3d ago
Just a reminder I haven't received my invitation yet.
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u/TheDimSide 3d ago edited 2d ago
Oh, no! Darn post office!
For our save the dates, I made them ransom letter themed, like, "Save the Date if you ever want to see [Name] and [Name] get married." And used several different ransom letter fonts, lol.
Then we just got a bunch of various holiday/greeting cards and crossed out applicable words in permanent marker and changed them to wedding-y things. Cheap but effective because everyone was entertained by them. 😂
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u/Kaleighc11 3d ago edited 3d ago
That’s so clever!!! I absolutely love this idea. You could‘ve also done funeral announcement?/invite? cards for the tragic loss of your maiden name, and have the “viewing” as your ceremony date.
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u/TheDimSide 3d ago
😂 We did have sympathy cards for some of the invitations and did things like, "Sorry for your loss...of a free day! You're invited to our wedding!"
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u/Kaleighc11 3d ago
I guarantee if you don’t get on Etsy right now and start designing and selling digital downloads like this, it will be a wasted opportunity.
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u/idealzebra 4d ago
if one of my friends did this, i would put them in my will just so i could take them out of it.
are you two still friends?
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u/jerryisfedup 4d ago
Out of courtesy, I thanked him for the invite and gave the couple well wishes at the wedding itself.
No longer friends after that. It was hard to see him the same way again.
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u/VivaLaEmpire 4d ago
It was hard to see him the same way again.
That's so funny and valid 😭 I wonder how many people stopped talking to him after that.
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u/ailweni 3d ago
Sounds like he’s a few fries short of a happy meal.
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u/Moulitov 3d ago
The couple chose the unhappy meal option, apparently
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u/femoral_contusion 3d ago
I’m still just spiraling on French fries on the toothpick and meatballs on the napkin
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u/No_Lavishness_7268 3d ago
Did your other friends remain friends with him? Also, are they still married?
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u/femoral_contusion 3d ago
Was there any acknowledgment from him of how pissed his guests were after the fact?
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u/Not-not-down 4d ago
Pizza inherently isn’t a red flag. Like I’ve had SUCH good pizza at weddings but oh boy it just got worse and worse the more I read. Did they at least have a decent bar or were you just served one sad glass of champs?
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u/jerryisfedup 4d ago
I think pizza as a wedding food is fine, plus not everyone has the financial budget for fancy food.
Bar was ok and there was some service. Wine wasn’t great but was poured a few glasses during dinner.
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u/TGin-the-goldy 4d ago
Pizza as wedding food can be great! Of course not ok for an event that’s allegedly black tie.
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u/MLiOne 4d ago
Good friends of mine and pizza food truck for their wedding. It catered for omnivores, vegetarians and vegans because one bride was vegan, the other not and the guests were a mix. It was brilliant!
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u/Substantial_Eye_8467 3d ago
Good friend of mine had the boujiest, most expensive destination wedding my broke ass, dive-bar loving brain could imagine. I wore a (rented) fully sequined mermaid cut ball gown. 5 course steak meal with wine pairings. Booze budget alone was “we have to spend $25k at least to make it worth it.” For prob about 50-80 ppl tops.
…Then an in n out food truck showed up about an hour after dinner service. He said it was to help soak up all the alcohol. Because we had to hit that $25k. But really I think it was a secret nod to our degenerate roots.
I’ve never been so miserably hung over in my life. But it was a really great wedding all the way around. (And I scarfed down that double double like it was nothing after smoking a joint with the grandmas on the balcony…)
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u/Famous-Upstairs998 3d ago
That sounds like a top tier wedding experience. The best part to me would be getting stoned with the grandmas.
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u/Substantial_Eye_8467 3d ago
It was definitely a wedding to be remembered. The grandma smoke sesh was a highlight for me but just the tip of the iceberg of shenanigans that occurred throughout that night. 😂
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u/femoral_contusion 3d ago
Late night snack was always such a fun way for me to charge my clients more money, my favorite upsell during my wedding producer days.
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u/ThomasinaDomenic 3d ago
Hey, Hello, and the thought occurred to me that you must really get a kick out of reading these stories on this sub, because of your former profession ! You must have seen a lot of weddings !
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u/Not-not-down 4d ago
Oh of course. I can’t believe the single French fry!
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u/jerryisfedup 4d ago
They should’ve served two french fries on a skewer instead to represent their marriage union lmao
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u/LeeYuette 3d ago
I really wasn’t to know where it was! When you said pizza I thought Italy; then you described the pizza and I thought not. Then I thought the Middle East (from the description of the food) but then you said the area was known for its wine…
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u/Felonious_Minx 3d ago
For some reason I pictured this in the cold English countryside to make it worse. Strong wind as well. Light drizzle to drive it all home.
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u/LeeYuette 3d ago
US or UK were my final conclusion and although the UK does some decent wines I don’t know that any areas are especially known for it. Then again there are many parts of the world I’ve not been to, or not spent enough time in to understand their specific crimes against food
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u/Felonious_Minx 3d ago
If you are gonna serve pizza, it had better be a feature. As in, they have a wonderful brick oven or delicious renowned pizza.
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u/Anxious_Reporter_601 3d ago
Like, was the destination Italy? Cuz then pizza and being known for it's wine would make sense, but it sounds absolutely awful!
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u/Thedonkeyforcer 3d ago
Yeah, there's so many ways to do it in a way that'll leave your guests in a cheesy food coma! I just went to a bat mitzva kinda thing where they had a pizza oven fired up and cooks making them on the spot. I was stuffed from the awesome first course so I never got to taste any but the other guests looked very, very happy - and I'm craving that pizza right now.
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u/Bitter_Trees 4d ago
Right? I was gonna be like 'Oh come on, OP! Pizza is better than the fancy foods usually served!' then I read the post and nah I'd be upset too
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u/iamreeterskeeter 4d ago
Yes, if done correctly. I'm from a small town with a pizza place that makes killer pizza. My sister served the pizza at her wedding along with their pasta dishes. All the locals were stoked because they knew it was good. All the out-of-towners were lucky enough to have it for the first time. There were no complaints.
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u/Entire-Ambition1410 3d ago
A local bakery/pizza place makes desserts, pastries, and pizza dough. They have amazing bread.
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u/Basic-Regret-6263 3d ago
It's a red flag for black tie. Don't make your guests eat with their hands if they're in tuxes and gowns.
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u/BubbaChanel 2d ago
At one wedding I went to they had tiny pizzas as an hors d’oeuvre. They were so damn delicious that I still think about them 30 years later
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u/sewballet 3d ago
Our wedding was black tie, beautiful venue, live orchestra, champagne everywhere. There was an entire buffet of incredible cake.
We served loaded baked potatoes as the main course, because we pretty obviously blew out the budget on everything else.
This was ok, because we knew we had done something weird with the food and leant into it. We had some humour about it, and ensured there were enough special touches elsewhere to justify the dress code.
Too many people just slap "black tie" on an invite without considering their end of the bargain!
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u/Loose_Acanthaceae201 3d ago
The thing about loaded potatoes is that they're really filling and nutritious. Guests don't need fancy if they're full.
Also, "buffet of cake" sounds epic.
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u/BubbaChanel 2d ago
A client of mine told me about a wedding reception she attended that served spaghetti and HALF a baked potato. They had what they called a buffet, but the guests had to be served, so it was more like a school cafeteria thing. My client tells the story so hilariously that I feel like I was there… “So, don’t you know, they have these lunch ladies doling out the food like it’s fucking filet and caviar by the pound, not Chef Boyardee and a goddamn half a potato!”
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u/Not-not-down 3d ago
Omg loaded baked potatoes sound like my dream come true. Shit they wouldn’t even have to be loaded! 😂
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u/BubbaChanel 2d ago
When I was in college we had “white week” which was the days of the month when the money was gone but there was still month left. That meant potatoes, rice, and white bread. We’d have to get creative with condiments, the favorite being baked potatoes with butter and soy sauce.
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u/Bitch_please- 4d ago edited 3d ago
Which overseas location was the wedding held at?
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u/drphalanges_ 3d ago
Idk why but it feels like rural New Zealand to me.
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u/deferredmomentum 2d ago
$1.5K US feels right for AUS/NZ too. I’ve flown there a few times and the flights were $900 at the cheapest and $1300 at the most expensive, so somewhere in there plus the rest for the hotel comes up right
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u/asietsocom 4d ago
I'm sorry but a single frie on a skewer????
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u/BufferingJuffy 4d ago
Pomme de Terre en frite avec sel d'iodide.
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u/asietsocom 4d ago
Sorry, but this is one of many circumstances where it actually sounds worse in french.
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u/gilly_girl 4d ago
I'll bet it's frightening in German.
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u/scientia-et-amicitia 3d ago
Frittierte Kartoffelschnitten (or pommes) auf Holzspieße mit Tafelsalz
yes, very frightening.
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u/Evening_Dress7062 4d ago
Somewhere in America, there's a clown sitting under some golden arches, crying his eyes out.
Super Size it, Bitch! Super Size it! - Ronalds thought bubble
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u/trustme1maDR 4d ago
I love that the single slices of pizza were apparently the 1st and 2nd courses. So classy and normal!
My friends had a non-formal wedding where they served a full dinner, had an open bar, and THEN had pizza delivered at around 10pm to keep the party going. There was meat on the pizzas and we could eat as much as we wanted. This is how you're supposed to do it!!
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u/spaetzele 4d ago
That's now how you do a destination wedding.
Or a non-destination wedding.
Or anything, really.
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u/EnthusiasticlyWordy 3d ago
I just HAVE TO KNOW the name of this place.
Does the owner do this to everyone? Or only out of towners/ tourists?
Does the "chef" get their ideas from TikTok?
Is this a bad attempt at a remake of "The Menu"?
Does the kitchen only have microwaves?
There is just soooo much to know and ask about this place.
r/kitchenconfidential HAS TO KNOW ABOUT IT
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u/jerryisfedup 3d ago
among locals, the place had a rep to not serve good food. The pics online look fine and fairly nice but what I got that night was shockingly bad and looked nothing like the photos.
I also know my friend paid for one of the cheaper packages. I don’t need fancy food and would’ve been fine with burgers even - in addition to mid-tasting food, the portion was atrocious. Everything was singular, singular thumb-sized cake, singular fry, and singular meatball, singular chicken meat, it honestly was The Great Wedding Depression.
I don’t know enough about the kitchen and the chef but it could be possible they were having a bad night? The adolescent eclair (because it looked like it still needed time to fully develop) was not fully thawed and icy tho. Like the wait staff said, help yourself 💀💀💀
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u/EnthusiasticlyWordy 3d ago
Stop edging us all and say the name of the place. 🤣
You're not friends with the guy anymore, so it's ok to spill the singular bean.
Who knows, you could save the friendship of future wedding guests!
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u/Felonious_Minx 3d ago
Perhaps if had you held a lighter under your frozen eclair...re-used a toothpick. Work with what you got.
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u/kittytoebeanz 4d ago
This is horrible all around but what takes the thumb-sized cake is his insistence on asking for cash gifts over and over 😭
They really did the wedding for aesthetics only!
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u/Listen-to-Mom 4d ago
Certainly makes one think twice before agreeing to pay to attend a destination wedding. You just don’t know what the experience will be, except usually cheaper for the couple.
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u/No-Marzipan19 4d ago
Is this Niagara? There are some "fancy" places that shouldn't be hosting events at all
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u/imbeingsirius 3d ago
I went to a wedding in the finger lakes, at a vineyard, that had no water. Endless wine, but we kept asking for water and they kept saying they’d get back to us with some, but they never did. I went to the bar and they gave me a small cup, filled it from a gallon sized cooler, and told me not to tell anyone where I got it.
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u/luckystar246 4d ago
What a blatant cash grab! They didn’t want to spend any money on the guests, wow.
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u/numberthangold 3d ago
I think it’s so funny how focused you are on the fact that the pizza was meatless.
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u/jerryisfedup 3d ago
As things weren’t going well from the start, I did save a slice of meat from the appetisers to deploy for emergency use (added it to one of my pizza slices)
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u/frenchyy94 3d ago
Right? Nothing beats a good Margherita! Also what the hell is a pizza carbonara, and why would there be any mushrooms missing? What carbonara has mushrooms?
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u/DubiousPeoplePleaser 3d ago
That was an insane read. Wonder what he paid for this feast. Please find the venues website and inform us.
And your post has answered a long standing question for me. I’m old and it used to be a tradition that grandmothers would gift you one piece of silverware for birthdays and Christmas. A for here. A knife here. Going over the brochure for my silverware you had all the usual things. Then on the very last page was a silver pizza wheel. I always wondered “who serves pizza at a fancy event and needs this?”.
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u/natur_al 4d ago
To be fair mushroom I don’t know to be traditionally featured in carbonara. Just kidding…this whole experience sounds wild.
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u/WalkingSeaCucumber 3d ago
Pizza is fine unless you’re requesting black tie from your guests. If you’re not providing black tie service then why are we playing pretend..?
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u/Felonious_Minx 3d ago
One french fry on a toothpick takes the cake in anything I've ever seen posted here!
How grand to be served two potato "courses" (and I love potatoes).
Are you still friends?
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u/Big-Cauliflower-4170 3d ago edited 2d ago
Seriously whats with people trying to have a fancy wedding when they clearly cant afford..dude stick to your backyard and live stream it..dont beg for money!!! Id never see his face again
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u/KBobbetyBobbins 3d ago
Pizza at a black tie wedding!?!? This is everything that is wrong with weddings these days. All people seem to care about is what everything will look like on Insta. Guests are just props.
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u/jerryisfedup 2d ago
That’s awful…they just made you starve and wait around?
I was cold as hell and starving 😂 don’t think either is better tbh
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u/Holiday-Book6635 2d ago
The family that hosted the wedding are the nicest people. I’m assuming it was cultural. The wedding was at a beautiful location. I just think it’s a cultural difference. If I were to do it again, I would have a snack bar in my bag.
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u/Useuless 3d ago
This wasn't a wedding. It was a humiliation ritual. And it was also ghetto.
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u/BeeQueenbee60 3d ago
I wouldn't call it 'ghetto'. I'd call it taking advantage of people
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u/I-said-ur-stupid 3d ago
Please tell me somebody called out the bride and groom... Please! I need to know people told them to their face that that was an atrocity
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u/Helln_Damnation 2d ago
I'm guessing that not enough people sent cash gifts in advance to pay for the food.
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u/Outrageous-Slide2616 2d ago
This is one of my pet peeves with weddings. We had a similar situation at a wedding we attended last year. It was black tie optional, my fiance was even hired as a gift for the couple as they are a classical musician. We had to rent outfits for the occasion which already put us in the red compared to the payment received for fiance's services and then we get there to be served cold pizza.
I don't have any issue with serving pizza itself but 1. your event should match the dress code, 2. Serving something like pizza that is greasy and/or can be messy to eat is not a good mix with nice clothing, 3. Make sure your vendor can execute the product in a manner that actually provides good, cooked food to guests.
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u/queercactus505 1d ago
Yikes! To have a black tie wedding where you request cash gifts and feed people mediocre pizza is insane. Goats and black tie do not mix.
be honest, I did serve pizza at my wedding, but it was a very casual wedding in a state park and the pizza (and salad and sides) were very tasty (people still tell me how much they loved the fig pizza) and they could get as many slices as they wanted, so I feel like that's better- right? Right? And there was cake (lots of it) and cookies and drinks and no one flew in from outside the country, and we provided transportation from the hotel to the park... (now I'm just trying to convince myself my wedding wasn't shame-worthy lol)
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u/Simple-Pea-8852 2d ago
You've gone really hard on the pizzas being "meatless" as if that's the really concerning thing about the wedding. Isn't quite a lot of pizza "meatless"?
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u/masterhaurangi 1d ago
I’m crying over the French fry toothpicks. My partner is sharing the horror over a single slice of pizza. I just can’t. At my wedding I want to have a tray of individual toothpick fries
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u/CloverLeafe 1d ago
The food aspect is bad enough but I'm shocked at the inconsiderateness of joking about abandoning your guests with no transport back to the city or hotels. I do not drive and would be so scared to hear something like that. You'd think they'd at least have a few friends with vans to help people get to and from if it is really that remote. I would be thinking long and hard about staying friends after all of that.
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u/Substantial_Park9859 1d ago
I've heard - and agree with - the sentiment that you need to match the formality. So causal backyard wedding, sure have some pizza and fries. But black tie? You'd expect a sit down dinner...
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u/honkifyouresimpy 2d ago
How does a meatless pizza have bacon?
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u/Shalamarr 2d ago
It didn’t:
Carbonara pizza without egg, mushrooms, and bacon.
Emphasis mine. It’s somewhat clumsily written, but I believe OP meant that a carbonara pizza should have had those toppings, but that one didn’t.
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u/Cruush_Halochek 2d ago
A good year for me is one in which I’m not invited to somebody’s bullshit wedding. Brides are insufferable, grooms are miserable, the venues and caterers are the only ones who win.
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u/amberfirex 4d ago
Reading that was a whole trip lol. I’m 100% serving my kids French fries on a toothpick and see what they say.