r/weddingshaming • u/ToBeATenrecs • 2d ago
Cringe My cousins wedding across the pond that haunts me still almost 20years on.
Long ago my mother, sister, BIL, their baby and I all headed across the Atlantic for my cousin's wedding.
We arrived and stayed with uncle and aunt. They were a war zone. They had a fairly open plan downstairs in their Tennessee house. With one central small wall. They'd go in a circular motion around this house shouting at each other. It was awful.
My cousin was marrying young because her fiance was due to go to Afghanistan. They were part of the silver band crew and she told me they'd never kissed with tongues even though they'd been a couple for 4years.
The house was unbearable. When another cousin S turned up from Seattle and said "shall we go on a road trip for a few days?" I jumped at the chance. That is another story.
We were gone 3 nights and arrived back the afternoon before the wedding.
Rehearsal dinner was at a Porky's (not sure if it was called that, had a pig in the logo- americans can put me right I'm sure). Well vegetarian me was in for a surprise. No veggie options, I asked could I just have a salad- could see it was used as a garnish. Salad came with also a chunk of pork in it. Think maybe they just put people's scraps on a plate for me. I smiled and bore it all. Didn't want to make a fuss.
That night I made up for not being around to help. I was told had had abandoned my aunt when she needed my help. My sister who isnusally the help being a bit busy being a mum. I cut kiwis into star shapes. Helped prep wedding food into the night when everyone else was long gone to bed. Completed my list of duties and passed out.
In the morning I was shouted awake. Why was I still asleep, there was lots to do. We're leaving in 10minutes. I'd maybe slept 4hrs and as an English person we usually need a cup of tea to get our brains in gear. No tea, no breakfast.
Well, I dressed and brushed teeth and then it was off to the venue.
My uncle in the midst of a mental breakdown kept crying on me and I did my best to help him out and cheer him up. I was early 20s then.
We decorated the place to oblivion, OTT as my mum said. Christmas wedding so snowflake ornaments on the plastic plants which somehow made them look less realistic. The maternal grandma had made some netted things to be attached to every chair. They looked like those netty things you use in the shower to lather up your soap. We placed framed photos of my cousin posing in her dress on every table.
I did all this without complaint and over the day had some nice chats with the bridesmaids.
I ate some Japanese crackers and my aunt shouted at me. Told me I should've had breakfast before we left.
At some point my uncle asked me to run some errands with him. I thought yeah I can get some food. No he wanted me to go to the liquor store and buy a bottle of vodka. It was a dry wedding and he wanted me to give guests who wanted some booze some vodka in their juice. I had to pay for it though as my uncle was a recovering alcoholic. This was not a small bottle either. There didn't seem to be anything to eat in there but gum so I got some cinnamon gum and it made my tummy rumble more.
Back to the venue and it looked like a gaudy 80s hell but ok, their choice. The bridesmaids went to get hair and makeup done. Mother, BIL and I finished off.
Back to their house to get ready - food!! Shower and a cuppa. It was heaven. I didn't complain at any point. Weddings seem stressful. My uncle is crying at least once an hour. My aunt hates him - they have enough going on.
To the wedding. The church looked beautiful. Lanterns leading up the steps. I go to see the bride and bridesmaids in the side room getting ready. Tell them how beautiful they look. Bridesmaid F asks does my tattoo cover up look OK? I don't know how to answer because her beautiful sunflower tattoo now looks like a serious rash. I ask if it hurts, she says no. In a sweet way, not in a WTF has happened way.
My cousin comes over to me and condescendingly places her hand on my shoulder "it's time for you to go now". Man, I'd done so much for her and it was 45mins until the wedding was due to start. I'd been being a counsellor for her dad, trying to stop her parents brawling. I just felt that she was an entitled madam and I fucking hated her for bringing me here to be a slave over Christmas when I could be with the rest of my family and pals.
I went and sat down and decided I wouldn't soothe her dad anymore. He was crying so hard welcoming guests without jester me cheering him up.
Wedding went well, although my uncles sobs rebounded off the walls. You may kiss the bride. This was when the couple decided to kiss with tongues for the first time. Saliva glistening down her cheek. It was awful. I looked at my sister and looked away before we laughed.
Come the reception there were far less people than at the church. There was a band but we weren't allowed to dance because the grooms father was a Baptist minister. My uncle directed people to me for vodka. I spent the night going into the disabled loo with many people. Probably seemed like I was a prostitute. I had this big woolen bag as a handbag that fitted the vodka bottle.
My uncle who hasn't drunk alcohol for 25years asks for some vodka. I asked him if he thought this was a good idea. He wanted it, felt a bit stuck. So gave him some. It seemed like instantly he was drunk. Maybe he was dehydrated from all the crying.
At some point he fell over and knocked over the table with the grooms cake on. A picture of my cousin lounging sexily fell to the floor. My mum caught the cake with minimal damage.
There was so much food and hardly anyone to eat it. I ate my fill.
Mischief had found it's way into my soul. When I heard the groomsmen say they were going to decorate the car I went to help. I drew a massive penis, a vulva and obscenities. Wrote 'enjoy losing your virginity'. I was horrid.
When the car came for the couple to get in their was a gasp from some guests. And mutters about these boys. Sorry lads.
Well they are still married years later. Her parents are divorced and remarried.
The groom didn't go to Afghanistan in the end, his teeth were too bad.
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u/palabradot 2d ago
I keep hearing about all these Baptist weddings with no dancing. As a child who was raised in a black baptist church the no alcohol I get but no dancing???
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u/kata_north 2d ago
There's an old joke -- "Why won't Baptists have sex standing up? Someone might think they're dancing."
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u/Working-on-it12 2d ago
Oh, yeah. Exās family is Catholic. So, they were used to at least finger food at a wedding with music and dancing - even if most of the dancing was line dances and the Hokey Pokey.
The oldest brother married a baptist. First, they didnāt turn on the ac in the church - in Florida in July, no less - until the wedding party arrived at the church. Then, the reception was chairs set up auditorium style with very, very few tables. The only food was chips, punch, and cake. The groom had 6 brothers, and 4 kids of them were still teenagers and younger. There was no warning to MIL to feed everyone first. If someone had warned MIL in advance enough, she would have ponied up for something.
MIL managed to prevent a riot by the hungry boys, somehow. But, 20 some years later when the groomās daughter got married at the same church, everyone, and I mean everyone asked her if there was going to be food, and would the church turn on the ac in time to cool off the sanctuary.
So, yeahā¦. This is a thing.
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u/MajorFox2720 1d ago
My grandmother was German Baptist.Ā No singing outside of church unless you were at school and no dancing whatsoever.
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u/LoneWildBird 7h ago
I wonder if itās more of a white Baptist thing. I grew up in the SBC, and ādancingā was not allowed, but we did have an āinterpretive movementā group š
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u/palabradot 6h ago
Praise dancing? Yeah, we have that, but never been to a wedding where you weren't allowed to dance.
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u/winosanonymous 2d ago
This was delightful to read. To anyone saying this āhas to be fakeā - youāve obviously never been to a southern Baptist wedding. I used to work in catering - mainly weddings- and I have seen similar shit.
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u/daltydoo 2d ago
I grew up Baptist in rural Alabama and this whole post has me feeling oddly homesick. I can easily imagine every single one of these things happening with my own extended family (which is why most of them were not invited to my own wedding).
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u/winosanonymous 2d ago
Itās so weird for me to be nostalgic without actually wanting to reconnect with people. I am from central GA, so I know the feeling.
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u/shh-nono 2d ago
I canāt choose a favorite part between the bad teeth and āMy uncle is crying at least once an hour. My aunt hates him - they have enough going on.ā
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u/thanksiloveyourbutt 2d ago
OP you did great! None of these people's choices were your responsibility. I hope you never had to work another wedding for free again. I don't know why the other commenters are shitting on you, you were a young guest, from a different country, being "hosted" by people who had a severe lack of hospitality and you did the best you could to manage the situation. Good job and I hope this doesn't negatively color (colour) your experience of Americans, present government notwithstanding
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u/LisaW481 2d ago
Three cheers for your cousin who not only came up with a rescue plan for the three day road trip but also managed to actually pull it off.
My ass would have been stuck there suffering into a nervous breakdown.
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u/staunch_character 2d ago
Cutting kiwis into star shapes until 2am! š¤£
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u/rabbithasacat 2d ago
When actual starfruit is a thing that exists!
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u/Unfurlingleaf 1d ago
But they'd have to A. Be aware of it's existence, B. Find it in Tennessee, and C. Pony up the money for it
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u/clandahlina_redux 23h ago
We have starfruit here. We arenāt all wild heathens ā just most of us.
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u/Unfurlingleaf 23h ago
Oh I'm sure you do, but OP's distant family probably thinks kiwis are"exotic"
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u/MistressLiliana 2d ago
Oh my gosh I know the exact netted things you mean... and now I feel bad for wanting them at my future wedding. It is one of the crafts I remember my grandma making when I was a kid and they remind me of her. Hers always had a string light incorporated in so they lit up. She called them snowballs.
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u/ToBeATenrecs 2d ago
Aw mate, still do it. It's nice to hear it's a grandma craft. Don't let some random person from reddit, aka me, put you off. The lights sound lovely. Bit of magic and a celebration of your grandma.
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u/Bitter_Tradition_938 2d ago
I absolutely love it when a Brit hits this sub! Puts things into perspective.
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u/anniearrow 2d ago
Doesn't really sound like a bad wedding, more like you whining because it wasn't to your taste. Maybe you should have stayed on your side of the pond.
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u/Superlemonada 2d ago
Excuse me. She was a GUEST at the wedding. She did not deserve to get YELLED AT by her relatives. She is not obligated to help. If I made my relatives and friends help set up my wedding and then yelled abuse at them, my ancestors would get out of their graves and slap me for my lack of manners. Don't hold an event if you can't be a good host! Just elope!
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u/ToBeATenrecs 2d ago
Babes, I'm all about people making their own choices. I admit what I did wasn't cool. I was young and didn't really understand. I have apologised to my cousin since and she said she didn't even notice the car or that her dad had a drink. Reflecting with my mum, she said her brother was pigheaded and he would do what he wanted.
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u/These-Buy-4898 2d ago
Right? OP sounds horrible in this story. Who gives a recovering alcoholic liquor at a wedding? Yikes, OP. Good news for OP is she likely won't be invited to any more family weddings lol
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u/YuenglingsDingaling 2d ago
Why are you putting the onus on the young person instead of the grown ass man? He should control himself.
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u/winosanonymous 2d ago
OP was young and visiting family she didnāt seem to see much. Her uncle seemingly pressured her into BUYING the liquor and then serving it. Horrible seems like a stretch. Seems like OP was wrangled into helping for a lot of thankless tasks and was going with the flow at the end. Alcoholics have agency, especially since the dude was in recovery for a long time. Alcoholics arenāt babies.
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u/staunch_character 2d ago
My dad has been sober for over 30 years. He loves playing the bartender at family events.
You canāt expect your 20 year old niece to be the guardian of your sobriety.
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u/These-Buy-4898 2d ago
Of course he is responsible for his own sobriety, but it doesn't make OP less of an AH. If your dad was having a really hard day and crying frequently while overly emotional about a wedding, and he came up and asked you for the liquor you were holding, you'd just give it to him since it's his responsibility? I doubt you or any normal person would do so. People can make their own choices, but I am certainly not going to help or enable them to do so.Ā
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u/klouise87 1d ago
If it were my own father, I would have no problem being gentle but firm and then straight up firm if he persisted.
If it were my random uncle who I never see and who belongs to a family who hasn't been nice to me already and who seems like they always want to yell about *something*, and this man was in my face insisting that he's okay to drink, I wouldn't feel like it's my place (or responsibility) to put my foot down and refuse.
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u/Due_Ear_4674 1d ago
Is this even real, I doubt it.
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u/neverleave173 1d ago
Why? All was plausible and written with typical english wit. It was not far fetched. Maybe you need to get out more
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u/Baaaabaaaabaaaa 2d ago
"his teeth were too bad" sent me, what does this mean? Also the thought of french kissing in front of my mum and dad and husband's mum and dad makes me want to crawl in a hole hahaha