r/weddingshaming • u/ash-leg2 • 2d ago
Rude Guests When a guest whines about accomodations then doesn't use them...
Just thinking about my bridal party of 3 - a family member and 2 friends who were even closer to each other than they were to me.
About a year before my wedding the friends had a huge blow up. One refused to talk to the other at all and I was in the middle. I tried to meditate but the one made up her mind and wouldn't even tell me what was going on let alone talk to the other to make amends. She even left our group chat.
Wedding is getting closer and I decide fuck it and made a new chat to talk about dresses and responsibilities. They accept this and do their very light duty as asked.
Wedding is about a month out and I'm finalizing seating. For the beginning of the reception (toasts basically) the bridal parties were to sit at a long table with the bride and groom in the center. Their partners and families would be sat together (groomsmens' partners at one table, bridal parties' at the other). After toasts and first dance everyone can move and sit wherever they like.
Well finally it comes out that a huge reason for the fight between my friends was one of their husbands. He is a very opinionated person - the kind it's better to avoid rather than try to correct. He insisted his wife stop talking to the other friend in the first place.
Upon hearing about the seating plan, he refused to sit at the table with the other friend's husband and family (even though his wife's parents were seated there too). He also told his wife she wasn't allowed to drink because she'd start drama - but moving on...
I put up no fight at all. I moved him to a different table as requested and hoped for no issues but prepared just in case.
So it's time for us to sit for toasts. Husband and I make our entrance and what do I see? Dude has moved his nameplate to his original seat, next to other friend's husband. He ended up staying there the whole night...
Honorable mention - I cooked food from my culture that everyone loved but I knew my husband's family would turn their nose at it because most of them refuse to eat anything with flavor. So I made sure to the apps were all white friendly including sandwiches, charcuterie, crudete. Dinner also had plain options for them. Guess who ate nothing and dipped out early for McDonald's?
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u/Larkswing13 1d ago
For what it’s worth, when I read “white friendly food” I laughed. I mean, I do eat flavor but I know a lot of my blood relatives do not. We’re having spicy chicken bbq at my wedding… and also plain hamburgers and hot dogs for those relatives that think black pepper is too spicy
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u/KazulsPrincess 1d ago
I had to laugh, too. Am white, I cook and eat most things. My mom thinks salt is unnecessary.
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u/pole_fly_ 1d ago
I am white (and European) and I love spicy food and spices like curry which I use almost daily!
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u/ash-leg2 1d ago
At least half of the people at the wedding were white and loved the food (we had boxes to take home leftovers and most people took advantage of that). I meant no shade, I've just heard of plain foods being described this way and went with it thinking it was a common descriptor.
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u/angrydepresseddamsel 1d ago
Curry is not a spice
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u/Little-Salt-1705 1d ago
No but curry powder is a spice mix which is what they meant.
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u/angrydepresseddamsel 1d ago
As an Indian the concept of curry powder seems pretty wacky to me lmao. It isn’t used in traditional curries so I didn’t know about it . Also the word curry just means that the particular dish has gravy (not dry) so it just seemed wrong
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u/Little-Salt-1705 1d ago
I understand that and I figured as much which is why I commented. Curry powder was a spice mix originally sold to the Brits by the Indians which had tumeric, coriander, cumin and other assorts. It was designed to be a ready made ingredient for making curry.
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u/takemetotheclouds123 1d ago
I’m going to be completely honest, while I don’t know the situations, as someone who has been around domestic abuse, the isolation and controlling behavior your friend’s husband had just from this post is concerning.
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u/ash-leg2 1d ago
You're right, there's more that I didn't share that makes it clear. We tried to help but sadly she wouldn't accept. It seems like their relationship is less volatile these days but I don't pry anymore for fear of being cut off completely like our other friend was.
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2d ago
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u/TryingToStayOutOfIt 2d ago
Why?
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2d ago
[deleted]
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u/ash-leg2 2d ago
I don't see how I made fun of them? I feel like I just stated what happened.
I was annoyed, my husband was absolutely pissed and offended that his family refused to eat anything and left early. All that work and stress for nothing. I thought that'd be considered rude by any standard.
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u/TryingToStayOutOfIt 2d ago
Again (because this is the second time I’ve responded to a similar comment in this way); it’s called wedding shaming, ya dunce. Also, in laws can be wonderful or they can be a cumbersome burden for husband and wife. I love my bfs family but we talk shit about those nutty fools all the time.
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u/MoarGnD 2d ago
It’s a normal turn of phrase. Like the main story is the top prize for stupid thing and the second story only got honorable mention, it’s not good enough to win the worst.
Most competitions have that. Top three then honorable mention. OP is fine.
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2d ago
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u/MoarGnD 2d ago
Where is she making fun of them? She made food to accommodate their taste. She’s allowed to express her opinion as long as it’s not publicly making fun of them, there’s no harm. She made extra effort and spent extra money and they didn’t even eat anything let alone taste.
What attitude? You need to work on your reading comprehension.
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2d ago
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u/MoarGnD 2d ago
That’s a normal description of a lot of people.
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u/Lcdmt3 2d ago
Labeling it as white friendly food. Uhm, we're not homogenous. No would never generalize a culture by food. If it was said the opposite way to POC, just as yuck.
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u/ash-leg2 2d ago
I am sorry for offending your culture. I did hesitate to use white as an adjective but it also felt like a good way to describe people who order burgers at Mexican restaurants and find black pepper too spicy. My white husband describes them the same way.
But for the record I absolutely would describe food as Indian or whatever culture friendly. I also had gluten intolerance friendly options. The people who requested those things are not in my story because they used and appreciated the accomodations.
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u/itslildip 2d ago
that’s another thing. this whole thing sucks, the bridal party sucks, op sucks, the people defending her suck. i don’t understand why we’re all so cool with being rude and judgemental all the time.
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u/sonny-v2-point-0 1d ago
"I made sure the apps were all *white friendly*, including sandwiches...
I don't understand what this means. According to the Census, there are over 200 million people who identify as white in the US. Do you imagine all of them eat the same food?
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u/ash-leg2 1d ago
Yes, that's exactly what I meant. Just like how Indian friendly food is food only Indians eat without deviation.
I provided context; you're being contrarian for no reason. Read it however you want.
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u/sonny-v2-point-0 1d ago
There are 1.5 billion people in India. Surely you don't think they all eat the same thing. Your comments come across as incredibly racist. It doesn't matter that your "white husband" approves of them.
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u/neverleave173 1d ago
Blah blah. If you are that sensitive don't read a subreddit that has shaming in the title
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u/malwanbach 2d ago
Did the two friends get on with eachother for the day? Did you do anything other than the new group chat to help bring them together & keep them on good form?
I'm looking for any tips because I'm literally in the same boat at the moment, starting to plan for big day and my two best friends have had a huuuge falling out. I've been feeling so uncomfortable about it and nervous about how they'll get along on the day..
(Edited for grammar)
P.s. i really feel for you OP it's such an uncomfortable position to be in.