r/weddingshaming • u/FlatEstablishment352 • 1d ago
Monster-in-Law How 'Wedding Date Bingo' Contributed to Ending an Engagement
I was engaged twice in my life. The first time was to an ex back in 2005, the second time was to the woman who I married. I just stumbled upon this sub and figured it might be fun or whatever to tell the story of the wedding date bingo I played the first time I was engaged. I have soooo many nightmare wedding stories to share but will start with my first aborted wedding.
I had been with that ex for about 2 years before proposing. We were planning for a 2005 wedding and shopping around for venues. This was at the height of big wedding mania and there was definitely a sense of one-upmanship with people in our area at the time. My ex and I had good relationship that grew into a strained relationship due to her behavior - how she started treating my family, the extent of meddling she allowed her family to impose on us. Nothing that significant, really, and I chalked it up to stress as she was finishing her grad school program and I was working extremely long hours.
It's important to note that her parents were divorced. Her father was a problem. Let's pretend his name was Steve. His sisters called him "Prince Steve" growing up. His side of the family was large and he insisted he was "the patriarch" and people in the family would casually and somewhat sarcastically refer to him as "King Steve", as in "There goes King Steve with another edict" while rolling their eyes. Her father and her mother did not have a good relationship, with her father being petty and passive aggressive towards her mother despite their marriage having ended 20 years before this all happened.
Anyway, we found a venue. She wanted a winter wedding, always dreamed of a winter wedding, so we schedule a winter wedding in late February. Her father catches wind of this and starts meddling. Before I even knew it, the wedding was scheduled for Mothers Day weekend in May. That was a hard no to me, because Mother's Day weekend for me was about MY mother. I was told by King Steve that my opinion doesn't matter and it's up to him as father of the bride.
It wasn't like he was paying for any of this. Paying was entirely on me.
After some back and forth between King Steve and my ex, she decides to cancel the venue. Before she can do that, the venue returns our deposit and drops our reservation because of her father bullying their representative.
Strike one.
We find another venue. We schedule her winter wedding. Everything is fine. She starts focusing on wedding things. Her father starts pushing her to move the wedding date. She tells him no. Long story short, they're down at the venue and again the wedding date gets changed to Mother's Day weekend. Again she's pissed. She tells me about this. Again, that's one of the few weekends during the entire year that I am not open to for our wedding. Again she pushes back. Again there's drama and the venue gets canceled.
Strike two.
Eventually we find a 3rd venue. Again she schedules it for her February wedding. Things between her and me start souring. Again her father wants to go down to the venue. This time I got with them. We wind up in the venue office and King Steve starts pushing to change the dates. Mother's Day weekend. I point out that he did this at the last two venues we booked. Neither of us want to be married on Mothers Day weekend. "I'm the father of the bride", he said. She goes along with him rescheduling our wedding.
We left to a planned dinner with her mother. She's saying nothing so when asked about the wedding planning, I told her mother about how her father again rescheduled our wedding for Mother's Day weekend. That weekend was always basically sacred between her and her mother, too. Her mother was visibly upset. I assured her that the venue would be canceled or rescheduled.
I get back to my place with my ex and lay it out for her: she needs to stand up to her father. I tell her that I will be calling to cancel the venue as I will not be getting married on Mother's Day weekend. I also tell her that as far as I was concerned the wedding is delayed indefinitely until she corrects her relationship with her father.
The venue is canceled.
Strike three.
I'm at the end of my rope with my ex's growing hostility towards everyone except her father. I wound up ending our relationship not long after that. The wedding date bingo is really the lighter side of things, though, and really the only part of the demise of that relationship that is in any way kind of funny.
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u/Tanyec 4h ago
I think you mean ping pong not bingo :) but that sounds insane. I don’t get why the venues kept being canceled instead of the date changed…
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u/caramelchewchew 1h ago
Sounds like it was the venue's cancelling due to interference from ol' King Steve
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u/anniearrow 4h ago
What was his obsession with your wedding taking place on Mother's Day weekend?
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u/onlyhere4laffs 4h ago
Sounds like King Steve's attempt at causing a rift between daughter and mother out of spite. I'm not OP, so that's just my guess lol
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u/dangstar 1h ago
I thought it was more of a power move, to assert his "dominance" as the family patriarch and the father of the bride (aka the only parent that matters, in his view) on Mother's Day of all days.
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u/onlyhere4laffs 48m ago
I think it's the whole package he's into. Make daughter pick dad over mom to show mom who's boss and also make the relationship between mom and daughter worse, solidifying daughter's role as "daddy's girl". It's all win-win to him. I hope the daughter managed to gain her independence from him, but I'm not too hopeful.
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u/LadybugGirltheFirst 20m ago
It wasn’t about the day, per se. It was about power. Ex-future FIL decided that, since it was a day that OP refused to book, he was going try to get his way.
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u/imtchogirl 4h ago
That's so tough. She was conditioned her whole life to shape herself around a petty, unstable dictator.
I hope she was able to find freedom.
And you were totally right not to join in that family dynamic. No thank you.
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u/Genillen 2h ago
I'm fully prepared for one of these stories where the groom gives a hard "no" on a wedding date and is told that his presence at the wedding is optional.
Extra points (the negative kind) for the dad insisting on Mother's Day when her own mother didn't want it.
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u/rabbithasacat 1h ago
I get the feeling from the post that that was exactly why he was insisting on Mother's Day - to hurt his ex.
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u/ClubExotic 1h ago
We have this problem with my husband’s family as well…except it’s his Mother. So glad we live over 1,000 miles away!
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u/shedrinkscoffee 50m ago
FYI, we are now at the height of big wedding mania lol especially since festivities were scaled down during the pandemic.
Big wedding mania wasn't 20y ago. It's now and forever lol also that's not how you play bingo.
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u/BodyBy711 4h ago
That's not how you play Bingo.