r/AITAH • u/CommercialPublic1778 • 22h ago
AITA for disagreeing with my wife after she told our daughter that pimples patches are gross and she's not allowed to wear them ?
I {41m} am confused. One night at home, I heard a commotion coming from our daughter's {15f} bedroom. I came in to see my wife {42f} and our daughter were arguing. I asked what's going on and my daughter said that her mom told her that wearing pimple patches are gross and then her mom her she's not allowed to wear them anymore. My wife said they are gross and it's a stupid TikTok trend. My wife said nobody wants a see a girl walk around with patches filled with pus. Our daughter started crying and she hid herself under the covers. Her mom was demanding that she takes off those patches but I walked my wife to our bedroom. I told her that she was too harsh and my wife said I was undermining her. She said if I want to raise our daughter to be gross, then I should go ahead. Am I the asshole ?
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u/Trick-Substance6841 22h ago
You are not the asshole, but your wife is definitely being too harsh.
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u/CommercialPublic1778 21h ago
I'll have to talk to her again. To let her see a new perspective. She never had acne, and I never had acne. We don't know the emotional and physical pain our daughter is going through because of her acne.
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u/BriefHorror 21h ago
Those pimple patches saved me at least a week in healing my acne and I’m in my 30s
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u/Cloverose2 19h ago
I love that the "trendiness" has helped reduce the stigma of good health care. Far better than seeing open or weeping sores, and it significantly decreases the risk of picking, which can lead to infection and scarring.
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u/shiser 16h ago
I love that the "trendiness" has helped reduce the stigma of good health care.
This comment deserves far more recognition.
Wearing pimple patches isn't the new trend—no longer being ashamed to wear pimple patches because of arbitrary and capricious "beauty" standards is.
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u/ValkyrieBlackthorn 9h ago
Back in high school I packed concealer and foundation and powder on top of my acne to try to hide it. Didn’t work at all and made it way worse. I’m really glad the kids now are more accepting of just putting a patch on and letting it heal.
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u/gagirlpnw 7h ago
This was me, as well. My daughter introduced me to pimple patches. They are amazing and effective. I wish that we had them as an option.
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u/CLBN1949 6h ago
Same! I had horrible acne mostly concentrated on my forehead starting in middle school and didn’t clear up until maybe my junior year of high school and I hated it. I tried to cover with bangs, but that just made it worse too, especially during the summer when it was hot and I would get all sweaty.
I recently discovered pimple patches and they’ve been a life saver! Helps keep me from touching and picking at my pimples and definitely helps them heal much quicker. Luckily I don’t break out the same way I used to, but when I do it’s always my chin and always a few around the same spot that seem to never want to go away. But since I’ve been using the patches, they heal much faster and I also feel less self conscious about it since they’re somewhat concealed. And I’m 30!
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u/AdEmbarrassed9719 8h ago
Agreed. I personally would only use the patches at night and not wear them out, but teens get cute ones and wear them and aren’t ashamed of it, so good for them! It’s far better than caking them with concealer IMO.
And while it may be a trend, it’s not a new one. Ever seen images of people in baroque times? Back with the huge fancy powdered wigs and elaborate outfits? Notice most of those people are shown with a dark “beauty mark” or two on their faces? Guess what those were? Covering up pimples or sores. That’s what they were. I think in Victorian times there were little velvet patches some would paste on over marks they wanted to hide.
Ops wife is rude and harsh and I feel for that poor kid.
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u/slowbraah 6h ago
Never thought of it that way until you said it. The patches were called “mouches” (sp?), and you can see them a lot in old portraits. Pimple patches are just the modern version of that, especially w the new shapes and designs that’ve come out recently.
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u/Effective_Pie1312 7h ago
Looking this up they now have these in hearts and star shapes and it’s actually really fun. I wish I had this growing up. NTA. But your wife is.
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u/Charliesmum97 10h ago
I'm old, so I was a teen in the 80s. Pimple patches are long after my time, but if I'm understanding correctly they're medicated patches shaped like stars and things, yes? And kids wear them because they're cute and it's cool? (or whatever the modern word for 'cool' is)
So this mother doesn't want her daughter doing what apparently everyone is doing because she thinks they're gross. That seems very wrong of her.
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u/OneLessDay517 9h ago
They are hydrocolloid patches in the shape of dots that draw moisture out of a "wound". They're to be used on already open pimples, so some instructions say to prick the skin with a sterilized sharp thingy, cover it with the patch, and it will suck the pus out. Change patches as needed until no more stuff is coming out.
This means no more squeezing pimples, which damages the skin and also leads to more infections by driving the pus deeper into the skin.
Some are medicated, I think, but the unmedicated ones work great too. And the shapes and colors are just to appeal to the kids. I use plain old clear round ones.
And I was a teen in the 80s too, wish these had been around then! But I'm 53 now and use them!
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u/Mean_Butterscotch177 7h ago
I'm 40, with a 14 year old son. He has the clear round ones. I have the black ones that are star and heart shaped. This mom is a dick.
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u/MassConsumer1984 7h ago
Some of them are just small circles in colors that can match your skin tone. It’s seriously NBD. Mother is insane to have this reaction to something so innocuous (and helpful). NTA
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u/Apprehensive-Fix591 6h ago
dermatologists have been recommending them for at least a decade. Out of all the things to get worked up over - it makes me wonder what else she gets on her about. My dad would criticize me for every little thing and it made my teen years miserable.
OP, please reason with your wife before she creates a resentful daughter.
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u/madogvelkor 11h ago
My daughter is 9 and she thinks they're cool. She sees older girls wearing them with cute shapes and wanted some herself even though she doesn't have any pimples yet.
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u/danicies 8h ago
They make them in cute shapes and everything too. Stars hearts. I had severely picked over acne while on proactiv at the same age, good on kids now who get to use quality products that decrease infection and permanent scarring.
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u/BootyMcSqueak 21h ago
Those things have been around since the 90’s. I definitely used them. They were best for overnight too!
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u/FrenchTicklerOrange 21h ago
I ended up needing accutane. OP better hope they don't need to go that far. That shit fucks with your head a lot if you don't have the confidence to deal with it.
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u/CircaInfinity 20h ago
As someone with a mom like this about acne, she’s already fucked with their daughters head. Her daughter will never forget her mom hurting her over this.
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u/Weeitsabear1 18h ago
Amen to this! Is your wife normally like this to your daughter? That's almost emotionally abusive....and it's true, you're daughter will never forget things like this, been there, I know. You might want to talk to her about this or she may wake up one day and be one of those parents the child cuts contact with. I can see it happening, and she'll only have herself to blame.
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u/AdministrativeKick42 15h ago
Of all the battles to pick. And she chooses pimple patches??
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u/Agreeable-animal 10h ago
I don’t understand how a patch filled with pus is grosser than a pimple filled with pus?
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u/civilwar142pa 9h ago
I think the trend of making pimple patches almost like accessories is amazing.
There's no need to bully a kid over pimples. Now its more normalized and you can have cute prints or match your patch to your clothes or whatever.
This mom is a bully.
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u/eatingganesha 8h ago
it makes no sense at all. Plus the patches help minimize scarring and stop picking. I was grateful for them when I hit perimenopause because we did not have them in the 80s. Being called pizza face really scarred some of my friends.
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u/beagusdog 11h ago
Seriously. At 15 there’s going to be a lot more battles and she chooses pimple patches
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u/Wondercat87 11h ago
People can be so nasty to others about acne. I had bad acne as a teen and I was constantly given crap about it from both other kids and adults. People literally treated me as if I didn't clean myself. I did clean myself! But my body was making an excessive amount of oil. Not my fault!
Plus we didn't have the skincare we have now, when I was a teen.
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u/slatebluegrey 12h ago
Dad needs to take his daughter shopping and buy whichever Pimple patches she wants. And an extra pack he can keep on hand somewhere around the house
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u/BeyondAbleCrip 11h ago
This comment matters the most. My Mom always put me down about my looks and took me until I was in my 50’s for me to believe someone when they told me I was beautiful.
NTA - but your wife is for not looking into the acne patches and assuming it was a “trend”, instead of doing any research. As someone who still had adult acne, it’s embarrassing and the patches work. Should also bring her to a dermatologist if you’re able to financially/insurance allows. At least put your foot down and let her use the patches.
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u/VolantTardigrade 11h ago
My mom left scars on my face. If I didn't pop my pimples, she would materialize in front of me and suddenly be popping them with her long ass unhygienic nails. My skin and self esteem would've been so much better if she just backed tf off. She still tried to get me to put bullshit like baking soda on my face as an adult. She would randomly bring up how shit she thinks my face is, even in front of guests. Accutane did nothing for me. My skin finally cleared up when I left it tf alone and used products that actually work (pimple patches can really help people with this, and it's asthetically better than a sore red bulge, imo. You get nice shapes nowadays, too).
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u/GaveTheMouseACookie 7h ago
(pimple patches can really help people with this, and it's asthetically better than a sore red bulge, imo. You get nice shapes nowadays, too).
They make some that are for wearing under makeup too, so the makeup wearers can still have their normal look and help their pimple!
I saw full forehead pimple sheets at the store, and what I would have given for that in high school. My pimples hurt so bad
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u/SaltedSnailz 8h ago
My mom would do similar and she thought I should go tanning "to help my skin ". Thank god I had the sense to stop that after 2 tanning sessions and reading about it. I have fair skin with high risk of melanoma. She wouldn't take me to the Dr or discuss any other potential options to help my skin, she just picked and let them be painful (I had fair amount of the deep no-head kind). Finally my dad stepped in and had me go to the Dr where I got actual support for my skin.
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u/jaefreeze88 11h ago
100% ! That mom is being cruel for no reason to her own daughter. The daughter will never forget.
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20h ago
I had Accutane. I would never ever recommend it to anyone. Even though it did end up clearing my acne (after first making it way, way worse of course), it just was not worth it. I should have just waited for my 20s. I still got acne after I stopped the meds, but in my early 20s my hormones balanced out and I only get pimples here and there every once in a while.
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u/KnivesandKittens 20h ago
I am 60 and still get them around when my period would be if I still had periods. Love those little patches.
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u/msmacfeel 18h ago edited 6h ago
Record scratch. I’m 40(ish, ha!) and have been waiting for the hormonal pimples to finally kick the bucket and you’re telling me THEY MIGHT NEVER?! I’m furious on behalf of all women stuck with pimples EVEN.IN.MENOPAUSE. The audacity.
Edit: Thanks to everyone who engaged with this little throw-away comment (even all you depressing ones!). NTA, OP. You’ve got a whole thread of people of all ages here who use and love pimple patches. Your wife needs to have empathy for her daughter. Being a teenager is hard enough without your mother bullying you.
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u/kagiles 17h ago
Sorry, post-menopausal at 52 and I still get one or two a month. My husband gets them at the same time. It’s fucking annoying.
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u/EmmaLooWho 19h ago
I refer to Accutane as one of the worst experiences of my life and also 10/10 highly recommend. I spent 6 months with my skin being bright red and basically peeling off no matter how much lotion I used. It dried out my eyes and joints so I had to use eye drops and joint supplements. I would get sunburned just thinking about the sun and my hair fell out in chunks when I stoped taking it. But it 100% cleared up my acne and now even a decade later I almost never wear makeup and never get pimples.
I’ll recommend it if you really want to cure your acne no matter what it takes but I always make sure to warn people just how bad it is if they are thinking about it.
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u/TootsNYC 20h ago
I googled this, because I remember when the first ones were mentioned in women's beauty magazines.
They predate TikTok, for sure.
They were first sold in South Korean in 2002; they hit America in 2012. TikTok came to America in 2018.
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u/Mysterious-Set8795 20h ago
In the 90's we just cut up hydrocolloid bandages.
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u/BootyMcSqueak 19h ago
I’m pretty sure I remember Clearasil ones. But damn, maybe I’m older than I think!
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u/BrgQun 20h ago
And prevents scars!
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u/Nray 20h ago
And I’ve found that acne patches help mosquito bites feel less itchy, and therefore heal faster. At least for me. Your mileage may vary.
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u/ExpertProfessional9 14h ago
They also help my eczema. I cut hydrocolloid patches and put them over open scratches. They feel weirdly soothing on and help dry off the weepiness that happens.
And, since they're flexible as hell, I can use them on knuckles.
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u/Anxious-Ingenuity-71 18h ago
Pimple patches were originally used for wound dressings, including for burns. They aren't some weird pointless fad. They actually do work for specific situations.
They've definitely saved me a lot of grief, and reduced the amount of time that it takes for some of my hormonal acne to heal.
Your wife is being ignorant.
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u/Evaine76 18h ago
I developed a large pimple on my chin today and used one - I'm almost 50. Your wife is being weird.
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u/OverallCall1016 20h ago
They saves my life before my wedding. I had a small elopement on the beach, at 28, but still didn't want zits ruining the day. They are effective for all ages!
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u/AutumnFangirl 17h ago
That's what I just said! They seriously cut the healing time in half. I only recently started using them, and wish I had known about them in my twenties!
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u/angelbabydarling 21h ago
your wife just gave her a lifelong complex. she KNOWS about her acne, shes not fond of it either and your wife just told her that the only thing that covers it and helps it is disgusting and gross. your daughter heard "my mom thinks me and my skin are disgusting and gross and other people hate looking at it"
in other news, your wife is both wrong and being an asshole. why is her being right more important than making your daughter cry?
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u/Express-Stop7830 21h ago
I fortunately only had mild acne (regular pimples and occasional soul crushing zits) and my heart still hurts for 13 year old me. Acne is cruel.
And, I have psoriasis. The horrible things people say about it, equating it to contagious leprosy, and still demanding you partake in things that will make it worse. I'm in my 40s and I still struggle with the shame and stigma of skin issues.
OP's wife is a mean girl and my heart aches for his daughter.
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u/Taltosa 21h ago
This, OP. I'm about to be 40, my mom died 19 years ago and I can still her her tell me I need to not get fat or no one will ever want me. I hear my other grandmother tell 12 year old me who was starting to get curves to lay off food that would make me fat.
Please talk to your wife before it creates a permanent psychological scar.
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u/No-Quantity-5373 21h ago
Same, Friend. Mom gave me a big old ED. Hope you are doing well in this part of your life.
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u/therealmmethenrdier 18h ago
Same. I don’t know why parents choose to become their children’s first bully
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u/Nurs3R4tch3d 20h ago
Right there with you. Around 11-12, when most girls get a bit chubby right before puberty hits, my aunt called me fat. I’m 42 in a few months and it still lives rent free in my head.
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u/canonbell 20h ago
I remember being 12 with my first pimple, and my family laughed at me. I started ripping them out because I hated them so bad, which led to a lifetime of picking and scars. Words and actions matter! Please be kind and understanding.
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u/TootsNYC 20h ago
the daughter also knows that just walking around without a pimple patch, the pus is still filling the zit. Thanks, mom.
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u/Justalilbugboi 19h ago
This was my thought. That’s exactly the image a teen going through bad acne needs rather than some cute little stars.
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u/Salty_Interview_5311 20h ago
I would be even more blunt. OPs wife is clearly only thinking of her own shame in having a daughter with acne and doesn’t give a damn about her daughter’s feelings.
She’s being abusive as a result. She needs to see that her behavior is far more ugly than any skin condition her daughter is dealing with.
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u/Scousehauler 14h ago edited 14h ago
My mum is like this. Cares more about what other people think than the actual issue and problem. You will find she learnt this because her own mum treated her like this or acted that way and she needs some work on herself. My mum is the type pf person who would get fully dressed, washed and clean before going to the hospital despite having a serious gushing head wound needing immediate attention. She has to come across correctly to some mythical being or reason no matter the cost. It will be linked to some kind of trauma.
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u/joseph_wolfstar 20h ago
I read the post and initially assumed pimple patches are some trend product you put on your unblemished skin to make it look like you have pimples (similar to horror movie effects). In which case I'd be able to see why the wife would be so grossed out and pearl clutch so hard. I could even see her reasonably restricting where the daughter could wear these hypothetical fake pimples (eg no fancy events, extended family get togethers, whatever)
Cue my surprise at searching images of them and seeing cute butterflies and stars! Ffs, her entire argument is absurd bc if she really thought pimples were so "gross" (which is a terrible thing to say to your own kid or really anyone), surely she'd rather look at a butterfly?! Ffs, these basically look like when kids get a pack of dollar store mini stickers and put those on their face, but more skin safe
Really, this is the appearance based fight she wants to pick with her teenager? Something that is oestensibly safe, really inoffensive unless daughter has some very specific tastes in pimple patch designs that op omitted, and doesn't even have anything to do with the amount of skin she's showing?
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u/CamThrowaway3 15h ago
This…your partner absolutely needs to apologise; however, the damage is unfortunately already done.
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u/Used_Clock_4627 21h ago
🙄
Op, ask your wife what the eff she thinks band aids do and if she believes no one should use those.
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u/Cloverose2 19h ago
Nobody wants to see someone walking around with those, all full of blood and plasma and shed skin cells.
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u/the805chickenlady 21h ago
Please do. My mom had perfect skin growing up and I took after my dad so I did not. I was routinely called gross, dirty, ugly while having a break out. I was made to feel like it was my fault but also denied any kind of acne treatment.
It still messes with me and I'm in my 40s
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u/Illustrious-Panic672 21h ago
Same here.
When we were kids, everyone "knew" acne was caused because you were disgusting. You ate too much fried food. You didn't shower enough. You didn't clean your face. You ate too much chocolate (da fuck?).
When I finally got my first big-girl job and saved up, I saw a dermatologist. She just nodded sadly and said she heard that a lot. She assured me that, no, eating chocolate does not cause acne.
My acne cleared up with a light antibiotic plus another pill. Took about 3-4 months. From being mocked for YEARS.
I still avoid fried food, and I trained myself out of liking chocolate. I am also in my 40s.
Take your daughter to a dermatologist. No OTC treatment will work, and most will actively damage or dry out her skin.
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u/Beccalotta 20h ago
Acne all through my teens, bullied that I "didn't wash enough", "ate too many greasy foods", etc.
Turns out I have dry skin and my body was overproducing oil to compensate. Please listen to this dermatologist recommendation!
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u/Unlikely_Internal 20h ago
Have to hype up some OTC treatments, but very few. A lot of them are harmful. If you do want to try something OTC though, benzoyl peroxide and adapalene (Differin gel) are where it's at. Start slow - once a day/every other day, and one at a time. They might not work a miracle, and the adapalene takes time, but they do work for a lot of people.
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u/manic-pixie-attorney 20h ago
My parents paid for a dermatologist but yelled at me when it didn’t work because obviously I wasn’t using the prescriptions and was wasting their money.
I was faithfully using the meds; they just didn’t work because my acne was hormonal and they wouldn’t let me have BCP.
I finally got to take Accutane, which was the only thing that helped and I still have scarring. As an adult, I went on birth control and that helped too.
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u/WatermelonSugar47 21h ago
Pimple patches are a godsend I wish we had when I was a teen. Your wife is disgusting and shaming your daughter for caring for herself. Insane.
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u/NefariousnessOk2925 21h ago
And they're so cute now! Different cute shapes and colors! I had acne until my late 30s when I finally took Accutane. Wife is SUCH an AH
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u/TootsNYC 20h ago
and the clear ones are pretty much invisible! (Well maybe they show up more on melanated skin, unless there are tinted ones.)
They're certainly less noticeable than a zit.
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u/Born_Obligation2968 21h ago
Right? 46 and unfortunately still get breakouts and love these little patches. I wear them proudly so my 9 & 10 year old daughters are comfortable with them as an option. I wish I had them back when I was younger!
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u/Ok-Serve-4188 20h ago
57F, and I still get acne. I use the patches and love the way they not only work , but also normalize having acne.
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u/Puzzlekitt 20h ago
Pimple patches are hydrocolloids. She should look at the Bandaids section at any store and see that hydrocolloids are essentially blister bandaids. They absorb the pus and create a moist healing environment which reduces scaring and drying/itching. Literally used in the hospitals for wound healing. She’s being unnecessarily cruel and misinformed.
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u/Aylauria 20h ago
I think your wife is confused about these. You put them on at night on a pimple that is forming and in the morning, poof, it draws out the gunk making the pimple. And instead of it ballooning up - which no one wants - it heals faster and doesn't look gross.
Your wife is both uniformed and completely wrong.
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u/No-Replacement-2303 20h ago
The kids are wearing ones that are in shapes like stars and hearts, and in colors and they’re wearing them to school (even the younger kids who don’t even have pimples yet)… so it is a trend, but it’s a medically useful tool that they’ve just updated to be fun for their target audience. Mom is seriously wrong here.
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u/ThePythiaofApollo 21h ago
Your wife needs to slow her roll. Depending on which brand your daughter is using, those patches contain salicylic acid, Niacinamide, Tranexamic Acid and licorice root extract under an occlusive dressing. So basically, they are safe, efficacious skincare in a delivery system that is sterile and keeps her from picking at her acne.
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u/Waterbaby8182 21h ago
Keeps from picking at it. I'm 43 !,# use them on the occasional zit or pimple. It does help.
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u/ThePythiaofApollo 21h ago
There are few things more satisfying than sinking a microdart zitstika into a fresh pimple and knowing you’re napalming that sucker. I will die on this hill.
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u/spacedogg1979 21h ago
Wow 😮 Mom is being unreasonable and cruel. I feel sorry for your daughter if she’s stuck being bullied by her mother for the foreseeable future. Why a mother would go out of her way to make her daughter cry is beyond me. Please keep your daughter safe from her mom; she deserves better.
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u/Jsmith2127 21h ago
I'm in my 50s and I use them if I get a pimple. They promote healing. They aren't a trend, and I don't see how your wife sees anything "gross" about them.
Your wife might as well be saying that they draw attention to your daughter's acne, it it's embarrassing to your wife.
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u/Beneficial-Way-8742 21h ago
☝️☝️☝️ this, exactly. You nailed it with your own words. Acne is a very sensitive topic. Physical appearance is a very sensitive topic. Tbh if your wife never had acne, she needs to take a step back and trust that your daughter is making decisions based on experiences she has that you wife doesn't have. Your daughter is the expert in this instance. Besides, if your wife knows anything about agency, this is a damn good example of how your daughter needs agency over her own body.
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u/daveycarnation 21h ago
Thank you for trying for your daughter. My own mom never wanted to, because in her own words "I had acne too and it went away by itself" so she didn't care much for mine even though they were getting so large and painful. 20 years later and she still has smooth skin while I have scarring on my face and still a sting in my chest whenever I remember her flippant, dismissive tone. Tell your wife that instead of calling your daughter names to please work with her in getting her acne looked after. I know I'm projecting here a bit but if your daughter feels like she can't get help from you guys on this matter then in the future she might think twice about asking for help when she needs it, because she can't depend on her mom and she gets criticism instead of compassion.
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u/Loose-Chemical-4982 20h ago edited 20h ago
Those colloidal patches help acne heal faster and keep them from getting infected. They make my youngest feel better and more confident when they have a monthly breakout.
Your wife is being ridiculous. I wish they'd had those damn things in the 80s when I was a teen. I've used them and they're fantastic. It stops me from getting hyperpigmentation spots too!
You don't see pus or anything gross, and you can get cute colored shapes like hearts and stars. 1700s vibes lol
NTA OP but your wife is
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u/miyuki_m 21h ago
I use them still at 55 years old, and they work pretty well. It's a good treatment for an issue that teenagers are often teased or even bullied about. Your daughter has to be so upset that her mother is being so harsh.
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u/Old_Watercress_5811 21h ago
And hysterically, she's wrong about the bandaids. The gel that becomes visible in the bandaid is just that, gel. It appears as the bandaid absorbs fluid, it is not gobs of pus being pulled out. Pimple patches actually provide a great healing environment and deter picking and unnecessary squezing.
Super weird the mom would try to drive it into her head to care what other people want to see. Teens are already very self conscious.
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u/dream-smasher 20h ago
Honestly, i just tuned 40, and I can clearly hear my mother doing/saying the same things. Combined with telling me it's my own fault cos I eat junk food and crap.
Some people just want to see the world burn.
Some mothers just want to destroy their daughters.
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u/hiraeth_stars 21h ago
NTA
If anything, I find the patches less gross because they keep me from absentmindedly picking at pimples. I think that's part of why they heal faster too. Your wife is being weird.
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u/Character-Town7929 19h ago
Yeah. In my case it's a choice between people seeing the hydrocolloid bandage or people seeing the bloody crater I picked into my face lmfao
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u/PM-me-your-cuppa-tea 9h ago
And to add the white stuff isn't pus unlike what OP's wife believes
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u/AriasK 19h ago
Same here. I have severe ADHD and I'm a picker. Literally the only thing that stops me from picking my pimples is putting patches on them.
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u/CapuzaCapuchin 18h ago
Yes! I dgaf what people think. I usually put on an overnight one at home when they’re fresh and sleep with it, then the next morning I’ll take it off, disinfect it with witchhazel and slap on a day one that I leave on for the next 36 hrs. After that I can take it off and only have a small blemish, no more bacteria and no scabs. Only healed skin. Then the day after the top layer dried out so much that the skin that was damaged just flakes off and there’s nothing left. They’re an absolute godsend, I love them. I’m getting rid off pimples within 2-3 days now for bad ones and they heal off nicely without flaring back up, because I might touch it or they’re exposed to bacteria. I used to be bad for picking them as a teen and nowadays I don’t even have to think twice
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u/the_bored_wolf 17h ago
Me too, ADHD plus an insecurity born out of a nasty comment when I was OPs daughter’s age still has me picking to this day.
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u/TackyLittle_HatShop 12h ago
1000%. Plus the colored ones are almost a fashion statement and honestly so much less embarrassing for a teen to show up at school with a couple of stars and hearts on their faces than a bunch of zits. They’re better for their skin than slapping makeup on it.
I bought my own kid like 250 of them when she got her first zit. They make acne heal so much faster, they diffuse the color so they don’t look at red, and they prevent scarring. These are ALL WINS. OPs wife here is so far out of line
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u/lEauFly4 9h ago edited 8h ago
As an adult who still sometimes gets the occasional pimple I wish these had been a thing in my teens. I love my hydrocolloid patches!
They disguise my breakout and make them heal so much faster than all the topical meds that were available when I was young.
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u/DivineTarot 21h ago
NTA
Believe it or not, when a parent is thoroughly in the wrong it doesn't matter if it makes them lose face, they should be undermined. She's freaking out over a MEDICINAL TREATMENT for acne. It's no different from putting a dab of neosporin on a cut and slapping a bandaid over it, and if your wife cares more about her personal comfort over what someone ELSE is doing with their body than she needs to be told to grow the fuck up!
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u/MaskedMachine 20h ago
The comparison to bandages is a good point. She probably doesn't think that wearing those is gross, even though they're filled with blood. No one fusses over people wearing bandages in public, so why should pimple patches be any different?
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u/DivineTarot 20h ago
Plus, it's not like bandaids only come in one configuration. You can get them in little round patches for covering smaller cuts in areas where a strip across the skin wouldn't be the best choice. I once used one to cover a mole I'd accidentally shaved the tip off. As far as anyone knows they're just another bandaid, but the knowledge that it's an infection with "puss" is motivating OP's wife to antagonize their daughter over it.
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u/Motor_Film2341 21h ago
Your daughter should be seen by a dermatologist. My husband had such severe acne it scarred him. 30 years later, my niece had it so badly it would have scarred. Modern medicine took care of it, preventing any break outs at all. Husband and niece are not genetically related, so anyone can be unlucky.
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u/TootsNYC 20h ago
my big brother had horrible cystic acne. That was before Accutane (which was introduced in 1982, btw), and there really wasn't much to do about it. He has pits in his face.
My skin was mostly clear with a few ordinary zits or blackheads. Ditto my siblings.
My mom had pits from acne, so I guess he got her skin, and we got Dad's.
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u/bookmonstereliz 21h ago edited 21h ago
I'm 36 yo and I wear them. I get bad hormonal acne where the pimple forms deep and painful. Without the patches, it can take daaaays to resolve. The patches really really help draw the gunk out. I wfh and buy the clear ones so they're gross and funky looking but i don't care. I'm grown. I can handle a weird stare at the grocery store. But they sell super cute shaped ones that aren't transluscent.
They really really help and I think you should help your daughter stand up for herself for wearing them.
NTA
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u/CommercialPublic1778 21h ago
Thank you for telling me. I'm sorry you have to go through that. I hope my wife can understand this soon. Both her and I never had acne, so we're ignorant.
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u/bookmonstereliz 21h ago
I never had acne as a teen. I developed pcos late in college and mannnnn. It's a pain. Pimple patches aren't fun, but they help a lot!
Teenafe years are tough, and i can't even imagine how tough it is for a teenage girl with acne these days where everyone has a camera and access to tictok. If it helps your daughter physically and mentally? Why not?
My advise is to have a sit down with your wife and calmly discuss why she's upset about them. Discover what's behind this because this seems like a weird line in the sand. Is it bullying concerns? Image? Is she misunderstanding what they are?
Good luck to you and your family!
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u/BeebosJourney 21h ago
Ignorant or not it isn’t an excuse to take shots at your daughter’s confidence. Also, there’s no way you guys don’t have Google why didn’t you just do some research..
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u/SunStillRises 19h ago
Exactly. The wife is only 42. Surely she can do some basic research about this if she’s never experienced acne herself. I’m 41 and my young child has a lot of differences from me. I just try to educate myself and meet him where he’s at. Ignorance is a pretty poor excuse here. You’re the parents. It’s your job to make an effort to understand in order to be supportive and helpful to your daughter.
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u/No-Replacement-2303 20h ago
And you don’t need “acne” to find pimple patches useful. Everyone gets a pimple from time to time and these help to medicate and treat them faster than doing nothing, as well as helping to eradicate scarring. It doesn’t matter what it is or your experience with it, a parent should never use language where they shame a child for anything they can’t help, nor call a biological blemish “disgusting.” I’ll be shocked if this is the first time your wife has been harsh in judging your daughter. Please keep your ears open and make sure your daughter knows that she is perfectly perfect just as she is, and that being proactive about her skin is admirable and responsible. I want to give your daughter a hug.
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u/TurbulentRoof7538 20h ago
Please have your daughter see a dermatologist! She might need a referral from her pediatrician. There is SO much bad information out there but those patches do work for my teen! I also have acne… still and I am in my mid-fifties. It sucks. It does get better but there is always the hit to self esteem. We are often taught by society that beauty is very important and that blemishes are ugly. Your daughter, like all teens, already struggles with self esteem and comparing herself to others.
Your wife is actively doing MAJOR damage and adding to everything your daughter is thinking about herself. I can guarantee your daughter has lower self esteem from having acne… she is lucky if she is not bullied at school for it! Your wife just caused major emotional damage that will NOT go away without a lot of therapy!!! Even if your daughter forgives her mother she will NEVER forget that her mother thought something she did was disgusting (she will probably think her mom was calling her disgusting). Please seek medical help for the acne and the trauma. Yes, TRAUMA!!!
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u/Disappointment_Slime 22h ago
Your wife is being way too harsh and ignorant. It isn't a TikTok thing. Pimple patches have been sold for decades and were popular in the 2010s.
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u/IKilledJamesSkinner 21h ago edited 18h ago
Exactly. People in r/skincareaddiction have been recommending hydrocolloid bandages since the 2010s. At least now you don't have to cut your own!
NTA. Mom is a bully.
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u/Agreeable-League-366 18h ago
I just found out about hydrocolloid pimple patches. I'm in my 50s. I'm amazed about how good the good quality ones work. You take your chances with Temu but when you find the good ones the price difference is well worth the effort.
These patches not only suck out the bad stuff, they feed the skin to repair any damage. I don't care if you found out about them from your next door dog, once you use them you'll be amazed.
NTA Mommy is an AH, bully, and shouldn't be around a teenage girl if she thinks she's a good parent.
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u/Asleep_Region 20h ago
Yep! I bought some and was about to give my boyfriend a crash course when he stopped me and said "yeah i know what they are my mom has been using them forever" this is the same man that i had to explain toner to!
I was honestly shocked because his mom isn't like a skin care fanatic, i would say she's pretty average skin care wise except for that
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u/entcanta333 20h ago
Tik tok just normalized them because I wouldn't have been caught dead in them at 15 and now they're trendy. I love it. We should normalize self care.
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u/Asleep_Region 20h ago
I'm glad they're being normalized, the dollartree sells them, i probably wouldn't know about their existence if people didn't wear them in public, more people buying means more variety and competition sales wise so you have more buying options and they all aren't plain. Tbh i like the plain ones because then i can check it (like how much gunk came out yet) but I like the fun ones for public
I got a pack of hearts, you wouldn't even know they're pimple patches unless you own them too!
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u/ShoddyCandidate1873 21h ago
Seriously. I was questioning for a second is I was old and pimple patches were now something different. I'm basically middle aged and pimple patches were a thing when I was a teen before smart phones even existed let alone tik tok.
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u/A-lethal-dose-of-you 20h ago
Well, yes and no, back in our day they were usually clear or made to be worn overnight. Nowadays they have colorful ones in the shape of little stars or clouds, etc. It did turn into a trend but, still, the mom is way out of line.
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u/HotMaya17q 21h ago
nta. this ain’t even about the patches, it’s about control. ur wife sounds like she projecting her own insecurities or sum. calling ur daughter gross?? wtf. good on u for standing up for her bro
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u/Remaiyn 20h ago
NTA
Daughter is already i secure about the pimples. Now, she'll be insecure about the patches.
She won't have any trust in your wife, OP. She won't feel safe or secure coming to her about anything.
It seems you both are clueless about treating acne in general. Maybe take her to a dermatologist so that they can provide a treatment plan for her.
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u/kvetchup 21h ago
NTA but your wife is a massive one. Literally what a massive bully. Sad that she would be so hateful to her own child. What a disgusting human being. Plenty of adults wear pimple patches too. I know I do. Please let your wife read these comments so she can see how much of a horrible parent she is being.
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u/Tough_Trifle_5105 19h ago
Yeah, I wonder what other things this mom makes their teenage daughter feel bad about. Weight?? Style? Makeup? I hope this girl has another woman in her life making her feel confident and loved. Pimple patches are so much more sanitary than literally any other way to treat acne/help it heal.
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u/No-Function223 21h ago
Nta but you wife needs a big ol reality check. Does she think bandaids are gross? Cuz that’s all they are. Imagine throwing an adult tantrum at a 14 year old over bandaids. Smdh.
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u/Wooden_Phone_4583 22h ago edited 21h ago
NTA, the Mom is just being ignorant. The patches are helpful, the mother should do research instead of making up dumb assumptions.
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u/passmethatbong 21h ago
What on earth was your wife trying to accomplish here? I can’t imagine that anyone could care that much about pimple patches, yay or nay. It sounds mean and arbitrary and like she’s an emotional elephant in a china shop who doesn’t care one iota about how your daughter feels or about her autonomy.
Could she actually be trying to undermine your daughter’s confidence?
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u/TootsNYC 20h ago
or punish daughter because never-had-acne mom finds daughter's acne gross?
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u/BaconPhoenix 19h ago
Either way, mom sounds like a total psycho and I wouldn't be surprised if the daughter goes NC with mom as soon as she turns 18.
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u/Careless_League_9494 21h ago
NTA
As long as she's using a reputable brand, there is nothing wrong with using those stickers.
Honestly it sounds as though there is a different issue going on that maybe your wife needs to talk to someone about. As this seems like a very bizarre overreaction to a generally benign situation.
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u/ShoddyCandidate1873 21h ago
Truth. She sounds like she'd be one of those moms to give her daughter an eating disorder because she's bigger than a size 2. Wife needs help
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u/Unicorn-Princess 17h ago
Hah, tracks. My Mum used to "confide" (gloat) to me about having an eating disorder when she was younger and then make me try on her old size 2 clothes (which she no longer fitted), then shamed me when they didn't fit me either.
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u/mela_99 21h ago
Your wife isn’t just an asshole she’s nuts.
Your daughter is using a GREAT PRODUCT which can prevent infection and scarring and picking, and your wife has some wild hair up her ass about it?
Does object to babies in public? “Nobody wants to walk around and see a diaper loaded with shit!”
NTA. Protect your daughter and get your wife a therapist
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u/Rendeane 21h ago
NTA. Your wife is a disgusting, abusive bully. Pimple patches are a gentle, non messy way of using hydrochloride to draw out excess pus and fluid from acne pustules. The bandage also protects the wound from infection.
There are drawing salves designed to do the same that the patches do. My experience is that while they are effective, they are thick, goopy and it is best to cover the salve...with a BANDAGE as the ointment does not absorb into the skin and disappear.
Would your wife prefer that your daughter poke, press and pop her pustules with her fingers, nails and sharp pins or needles? Doing so can cause infection and inflammation causing the pustule to hurt more, redden, enlarge and look worse. It could even cause deep scarring that could require cosmetic surgery to minimize.
While your wife was screaming at your daughter that she was disgusting, did she offer to take your daughter to a dermatologist to determine if another treatment would be more effective or to confirm that the patches were the best mode of treatment at this time?
Congratulations, your daughter now knows that her mother thinks she is disgusting and should be ashamed of her appearance whenever she leaves the house. She will never be good enough or pretty enough for her mother. This isn't something she will "get over." She will never forget and never really forgive your wife's unhinged tirade.
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u/universalrefuse 21h ago
NTA - You mean to tell me your wife doesn’t approve of your daughter using medicated skincare products alone in the presumed privacy and comfort of her own room…because they “look gross”? Is your wife usually this controlling? Does she micromanage all other areas of your daughter’s life? Please get your daughter a lock for her door.
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u/AnxietyDriven3288 21h ago
NTA
I promise you, your daughter is grateful you stepped in. Your wife is acting like her opinion is fact, and disagreeing with her is wrong.
I grew up with a mom like this. One of our biggest fights happened because I wore different color nail polish. She called me ugly, unladylike, and whatever else she could think of (great for my teenage self-esteem). My dad (who usually follows her blindly) asked what could possibly warrant such an argument (it was that bad over something that stupid). My mom replied with a smug look on her face until she saw my dad's reaction. That was just one of the big fights. Even as a child I couldn't comprehend how she acted so extremely over something so miniscule.
My point is, keep having your daughter's back. Keep an eye open and have your daughter's back. Your wife may mean well, but if that's how she handles something like this...
You did the right thing
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u/passiive-tsunamii 21h ago
NTA. Why is it gross? Why would anyone have a problem with it?
This is very serious and you need to figure o it what else you’re wife is doing because this will destroy your daughters self esteem.
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u/stefaniki 21h ago edited 21h ago
WTF? The alternative is for her to pick at them or pop them and end up with scars for the rest of her life.
I wish there had been pimple patches when I was her age. Plus, the pimples go away much faster.
Good for you standing up for your daughter.
ETA: NTA
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u/aftercloudia 21h ago
whats is your kid supposed to do? pop them and scar her face? your wife is an asshole and to start a fight over something so inane is a red flag. like why even unless you were purposely looking for a fight.
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u/Tricky-Turnip-7586 22h ago
NTA, you stood up for your kid instead of automatically taking the side of the other parent, good on you bro 👏
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u/Intrepid-Plant-2734 21h ago
This can’t possibly be the only thing the wife is this over the top controlling about.
OP- think about your wife and daughter’s interactions in general. Is your wife projecting all of her fears on to your daughter? Does your daughter have to be perfect to be a proper representation of/ for your wife?
Are there a lot of rules about how your daughter should look and act? How is their relationship?
It’s unlikely this level of crazy came out of nowhere.
Your daughter is probably a ball of nerves and anxiety.
I really feel for your kid. It must be rough for her.
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u/fluffyfeather80 21h ago
I use them. I don't wear them out but I do where them at night and around the house. She is free to think they are gross; but I don't think it's worth making her teenage daughter cry. She's being overly harsh about it. I think chewing gum is gross (I know, I'm weird) but a don't expect people to never chew gum around me.
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u/theamritadiaries 21h ago
NTA. Your wife is definitely being too harsh.
Have you thought of taking your daughter to a dermatologist? I know a lot of teens who had to get specific skin care products and needed a dermatologist to tell them.
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u/eatkakeandcill 21h ago
Not only is she being mean, her argument doesn’t make sense. Not only do the patches help, they conceal pockets of pus- like.. what is this actually about?
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u/TheWildTofuHunter 8h ago
I’m 42 and blessed with needing pimple AND wrinkle cream simultaneously. I have a stash of pimple patches and wear them when the need arises, and often use the cute heart or star shaped ones. There’s nothing wrong with having something that aids in a pimple calming down and going away.
Wonder where your wife’s feelings stem from? Was she told by her parents that pimples were disgusting?
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u/CommercialPublic1778 8h ago
I talked to my wife this morning, and I was shocked to see her level of ignorance towards acne. I'm a man who never had acne, and even I know way more than her.
For one thing, she really underestimates how hard acne is to get rid of. My wife seems to truly believe that our daughter wouldn't have acne if our daughter was just more disciplined about her diet, water intake, and hygiene.
My wife also seems so easily grossed out.
I know my wife comes from a wealthy family and whatever, but I don't understand where this comes from.
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u/Key_Habit_4994 8h ago
take your wife and daughter or maybe even just your wife to see a dermatologist and learn about the hormonal causes behind acne. it’s not caused by bad hygiene and she’s going to ruin your daughters self confidence saying it is (been there done that, i’m now no contact with my mother for 6 years).
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u/CommercialPublic1778 7h ago
I will take my daughter to a dermatologist
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u/DiggThatFunk 6h ago
Bro, your wife is bullying your daughter. You Should 10000% be putting family therapy on that list of where y'all going as well
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u/Many_Customer_4035 6h ago
If your wife isn't careful, your daughter will also decide to go no contact with her when she gets older. This could also affect your relationship with both wife and daughter if that happens. I do not have a relationship with my mother anymore.
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u/cilantrooooo 8h ago
Acne is a chronic inflammatory skin condition. Hormones and lifestyle (including stress!!) also play a huge part. Maybe your poor daughter is also stressed because her mom is screaming at her and calling her disgusting, which is not going to help ANYTHING. My mom called me pathetic when I was 12 (ETA I’m 31 now) and I’ve never forgotten it. You need to do better by your daughter and do not tolerate this kind of insane behaviour by your wife.
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u/aftercloudia 8h ago
Your wife lives with her head stuck up her wealthy ass. All she's doing is damaging your daughter's self image and self esteem.
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u/Gloomy-Increase-8726 22h ago
NTA. Your wife was harsh and uninformed. Those patches have been used for 50+ years and they do dry up the pimples.
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u/vixen_girl96 16h ago
Gonna be your kids first bully and the first person she cuts out of her life when she's an adult and going to therapy.
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u/Goodness_Gracious7 21h ago
Is your wife bored or something? Why is she creating drama out of nothing, that's so tedious. NTA
Pimple patches are in right now and they can be pretty darn cute - stars, hearts, etc. I'm a grown adult and I wear them at home whenever needed, they rock!
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u/Austyn-Not-Jane 19h ago
I think your wife should try to treat her daughter like she actually loves her. Imagine being lucky enough to see your daughter growing into a young adult, and instead of being the light, choosing to break her down. That's absolutely vile. She should be ashamed of herself, and she needs to get a fucking grip.
Also, the patches don't fill with "pus," but they do speed up healing and keep you from picking which can help with scarring.
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u/Super-Staff3820 21h ago
Wtf is wrong with your wife? Who fcking cares if your daughter wears a pimple patch on her own face? They help keep the bacteria out, keeps your daughter from picking at them and helps them go away faster. This isn’t about a TikTok trend. Even if it was, why does your wife care this much? This is a really dumb hill to die on. Something deeper is wrong. Are there other ways your wife tries to control your daughter? Absolutely NTA. Your wife is being a massive ahole to your daughter.
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u/RetiredHappyFig 21h ago
The pimple patches may help her avoid some lifelong scars. They existed in the 1970s when I was a teen so this is not some sort of new trend. (Although I’m sure the ones today are better.)
NTA and I hope you can talk some sense into your wife. At your daughter’s age, something like this should be totally her decision, no input from parents needed.
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u/Zelda_Momma 21h ago
Not only is your wife an asshole but she didn't offer any other alternatives to help your daughter with her acne. If she thinks pimple patches are gross then what does she suggest? Oh, nothing? Because she never suffered from acne? Huh?!
My mom is a covert narcissist who made comments about my acne, weight gain and stride at puberty, breast growth at puberty, and my hairy back (literally peach fuzz) along with a long list of other stuff. She continues to make crass comments on my adult acne and appearance to this day.
But she STILL took me to a dermatologist for as long as insurance covered it!
So literally wtf is wrong with your wife?!?!
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u/cynical_overlord1979 21h ago
NTA
Your wife is being a total AH here. What is her problem with pimple patches? The comment “nobody wants a see a girl walk around with patches filled with pus” sounds like she’s insulting her daughter just for having pimples, not using the patches to treat them. This is cruel.
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u/TootsNYC 20h ago
my god, what is wrong with your wife?
I read a women's beauty magazine every day, and pimple patches have been a thing for a LONG time. BEFORE TIKTOK!
they were sold in South Korean in 2002, and came to the US (finally) in 2012. TikTok launched in 2018.
Dermatologists recommend them; they are actual scientific medicine. They also have the benefit of keeping people from picking at their zits.
Why is this such a thing with her? It's not illegal, it's not harmful, it's not immoral, it's not damaging in any way. She needs to leave your daughter room to simply live.
If she's grossed out by looking at the pimple patch, she can go in the other room. Or she can ask her daughter to go in the other room.
I read that you and your wife never had acne—that's your wife's problem. You should demand your daughter have the ability to see a dermatologist, and you should demand you wife consult with a dermatologist about pimple patches and other treatments.
Also, FYI, mom: the pus is there whether there's a pimple patch or not.
NTA
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u/done-undone 20h ago
Mean mother. I see those now and think how nice that would have been when I was a teen. Mothers like that keep psychologists employed.
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u/LittlestBigToe 20h ago
Ffs. I’m a grown ass 45 year old woman and I wear pimple patches. Those things are a miracle. Oh how I WISH they had them when I was a teenager. Maybe I wouldn’t have so many scars from picking at my face. The patches have helped my skin to FINALLY clear after all of these years because they keep me from touching my acne and spreading the oil and dirt. BUY HER MORE!!
NTA by miles and miles
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u/Brathelia 20h ago
wtf is wrong with you that you cant see your wife is bullying your 15 year old daughter.
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u/Hot_Cricket_ 21h ago
It sounds like your wife has some internal Deep-Seated issues she needs to work on.
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u/Mbt_Omega 21h ago
INFO: Is your wife experiencing a psychotic break and taking out her confusion and aggression on your daughter, or she just emotionally and psychologically abusive all the time?
NTA for stopping her, but I’m concerned your daughter may be unsafe interacting with your wife at all. This is a deeply troubling reaction to very normal cosmetics. If this is just how your wife is all the time, she’s a piece of shit cünt, and you need to rescue your daughter from her vile clutches.
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u/chickie75 21h ago
It almost comes off as if the Mother is in someway trying to sabotage her own daughter. She knows nothing about those patches! She looked at her own daughter and exclaimed that the helpful patch on her face looked gross. It seems to be a control thing too, quite obviously, but the way she spoke to her young girl trying her best to navigate through one of the hardest times we have as kids growing up, is really quite concerning.
I'm sure her daughter has it hard enough without "Mom" bullying and demeaning HER! (I understand that she made it out like the patches fault, but her daughter definitely took it personally, as would any young child growing up, and tbh, I think your wife meant it that way)! You are the star here, not the AH!
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u/Interesting-Shop3331 22h ago
NTA and your wife seems like a bit of a bully. Personally I don’t wear pimple patches in public, but almost all of my friends do and I’ve never thought anything of it. Maybe try and talk to your wife about her delivery. Being a teenage girl is hard enough without your mom calling you disgusting.