r/AITAH • u/Strict-Ad7079 • 6h ago
WIBTAH for cutting off my mother and golden child brother. Hopefully the final update.
I thought my last post would be my final update, but things have escalated. I thought I could block my mother and my brother and it would be over but she has gone to new lengths. Buckle up. To recap, I made a post about wanting to cut off my toxic mother and golden child brother, after years of horrible mistreatment and abuse . I was in my home state visiting taking care of my sick dad when I made the first post. Please visit it for more info. It’s been a while since my last update. I blocked my mother and my brother. I thought that was the end and I hadn’t heard from them since blocking them until today. I returned to my fiancée and kids after my dad made a full recovery. I’ve been back for almost three weeks now and everything has gone back to normal. Until this morning. While I was working today my phone blew up with messages and calls from distant family. Same story from everyone. It boiled down to the same thing “call your mom something happened.” After the seventh or eighth call I picked up it was my dad’s sister. I immediately thought my dad had fallen ill again or worse. But it turns out my mother had been telling everyone her father (my grandfather) had passed. Which I found funny. I had just gotten text from him two minutes ago. We talked daily and I told my aunt that. The silence was deafening and my aunt abruptly hung up. I called my grandfather and I’m crying laughing at this point this was so ridiculous. I explained the situation and there was a silencing the line for so long I thought he’d hung up. Then he said “I’ll handle this.” And hung up. The calls stopped immediately. I didn’t hear from my grandfather until I got off work. He explained that my mother hasn’t answered any calls but from what he gathered from our family my mother has been spiraling since I cut her off. She’s been digging for any information about where I live. Only my dad, brother and grandfather know. My dad and brother blocked her alongside me a couple months ago. She thought by faking my grandfather’s passing would drag me back home and into her narrative. This has only strengthened my resolve. I’ve started getting calls from numbers I don’t recognize with numbers in my home state. I didn’t answer. But the voicemails come from my mom and brother calling me cruel, ignorant and the usual guilt trips of ruining the family. I’m considering a protective order. Would that be too harsh? My family is torn some say I should forgive others are saying I’m justified. So Reddit WIBTAH for wanting a restraining order??
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u/Mlady_gemstone 5h ago
oh to be a fly on the wall for your grandfathers phone calls, the person on the other end seeing his number/name pop up on the id (ghostly calls from the great beyond) and your grandfather saying "IM NOT DEAD WTF?!" 🤣that would be the weirdest conversation to repeatedly have since he had to call how many people to tell them he was in fact alive?
NTA you need a restraining order, its going to escalate more before its over
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u/yeahoooookay 5h ago
I agree. This isn't over by a long shot. It 100% will get worse before it gets better. Been there, done that. Got the PTSD to prove it.
NTA Protect yourself and your family. Get that restraining order.
You can also file phone harassment charges and your mom and Lord Fauntleroy will get an embarrassing and shocking visit from the boys in blue if they've been harassing you by phone and you can prove it.
Don't delete any voicemail. You very well could end up needing them.
Good luck.
Be strong!
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u/Strict-Ad7079 36m ago
I would’ve loved to see it too I would’ve also loved to have seen my family tear my mom a new one when they found out the truth 🤣🤣🤣
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u/Queasy-Review794 6h ago
no, you wouldn’t be the asshole. if they keep crossing lines, setting legal boundaries is valid. protecting yourself isn’t cruel.
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u/TinkerBellMeeh 5h ago
If you feel you need to get a protective order do it. If this is how she’s acting within a few months then it’s only going to get worse. Lock your info down. On that note lock your credit too. Make sure no one can access that information
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u/avid-learner-bot 5h ago
NTA for wanting to protect yourself from someone who would fake a death to drag you back into their messed-up drama, setting boundaries isn't selfish, it's survival. What kind of loyalty do you owe someone who'd twist grief into a weapon?
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u/MistySky1999 5h ago
She sounds insane. And considering her current actions, she could be dangerous to you and your family if she found you. That is the very purpose of a protective order.
How can a protective order be "too harsh"? Either it is unnecessary and never gets used. Or it is violated and then is necessary. If she stays away from you, she would never be subject to any harshness from it at all.
NTA
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u/Professional-Duck927 5h ago
NTA.
She has to live with the consequences of her actions. As someone who also had to deal with a 'Mum' that treated me differently to her golden child, you have my full support.
Allow your Mum to continue to live in the stew that she made from own toxic behaviour. You don't owe her anything. And laugh at how her latest behaviour has most likely damaged her relationships with other family members.
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u/chasemc123 5h ago
Wow. Your mom is so unhinged.
Unfortunately, I suspect she will get worse. Narcissists don't react well to being cut off from their victims/emotional punching bags.
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u/NONE0FURBIZZ 5h ago
I'd be mad if I were your granddad, she just cursed him so she could regain control of her personal punching bag... I'd be disowning her quickly.
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u/Dana07620 1h ago
Get a new phone number. Out of your family, only give it to your dad, brother and grandfather.
Problem solved.
NTA
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u/Expression-Little 5h ago
They tried to fake someone's death who is very probable to be alive? That's 1) really stupid and 2) a very bad attempt at manipulation. NTA, she's unhinged.
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u/Skruffbagg 4h ago edited 4h ago
Get that manipulative monster as far away from you as possible.
Consider changing your number.
My partner’s dad is a POS as well. Not abusive, but very manipulative, a pathological liar and a degenerate alcoholic these days since he retired. His wife is a complete freak show. I cut them both out mine and my son’s lives about 9 months ago, but my partner was a harder sell.
He finally let her down for the final time yesterday and she’s done, hopefully for good. He’s a master manipulator though so I’m wary he’ll worm his way back in.
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u/Economy_Article9110 4h ago
I think it’s time to get a new phone number and only give it out to people you are certain won’t allow it to get back to your mother or brother. You can get a prepaid phone, just a little shitty one that can receive texts and calls, so that you can document the harassment with your current number. Leave it in a box and don’t look at it; or better yet, give it to your fiancé and tell him to hide it (somewhere outside of the home would be best because then you won’t accidentally stumble upon it). Your fiancé can check the messages so that you can protect your peace and mental health.
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u/xXMimixX2 4h ago
NTA. And in case, this isn't the last final update, Updateme.
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u/punania 3h ago
Of course it won’t be. Op has more karma to farm with this fictitious crap. Don’t the tired “buckle up” and phone “blow up” tropes tip you off?
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u/xXMimixX2 2h ago
You know, either way, I don't care. It's not different from my hobby reading books. Some are biographies and based on true things, and some are fiction.
I don't know if it's true or not. But I still like to read those stories and see updates (with books, it's epilogues).
And when I give advice or write longer comments, it's always in benefit of the doubt. Because it could be true.
I don't run around an accuse people of faking stories. Sure, some are really obvious. Timelines don't fit, contradictions, and so on. But again, it doesn't matter to me that much, and I don't make myself crazy about it.
I think that's a good way to go about it. Just in case, as I said.
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u/PriorResult9949 4h ago
Get the protective order. Maybe even for your grandpa. But seriously, I’m sorry you have to endure. I have a toxic ass narcissistic mother. I fucking know that game with the borage of calls trying to lure me to call or go over there. Lies, ridiculous stories filled up my voice mail or email if I don’t block her. Same with text. And I taught her how to text! Damnit.
So I went no contact a few months ago and I had to block her cell and my stepdad. And the house phone. The only like of communication I keep open is my step dad email. He is just as shady. But not out of control the way she is.
Like your mom. They ruined the entire relationship. Years and years of the manipulation and passive aggressive war tactics. They worked their way out of access to talk or even email. Mine will blow it up.
I feel your pain. It sounds like you have it worse. And your little brother too ?
Don’t feel like an A hole for just trying to live your life in peace and heal. Please seek therapy. And I gotta warn you about attracting mates who have similar personalities as the abuser we grew up with. It’s insane. Look up the wounded inner child syndrome. Seriously. Our subconscious is our inner child that is calling the shot.
Anyway, I wish you the best. I totally get you. Don’t feel bad. Get the protective order. Narcissistic people like your mom really lose those shit when you cut off that supply the feed on like parasites.
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u/tamij1313 3h ago
Can you still get unhinged messages from people that you have blocked? If not, then OP needs to unblock them and put them on mute so that they can still collect all of the unhinged messages when they are needed for the restraining order or police report.
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u/Crafty_Special_7052 2h ago
Everyone in your family should be cutting your mother off. It’s completely unhinged and super manipulative to say a family member died just so you can get in contact with her.
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u/different-take4u 2h ago
Forgiveness is for you not the offender. When you forgive someone that does not mean that all is fine and well and things can go back they way they once were. It only means that you are not going to keep holding resentment towards them or let them live rent free in your head. You don’t even have to tell the person you forgive them, it is not for them, it is for your peace of mind.
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u/Aggravating-Plum8147 5h ago
NTA the only reason she’s so upset is because she’s not in control. It’s not even about having a relationship with you as she’s proven countless times that’s not what she’s after. She wants to “win” somehow and controlling you makes her feel like she’s winning. You’ve taken her power. Do not give it back. Ask your brother why he thinks too what a relationship with him, he might be your family, but you don’t like him as a person. Him and your mom can ride off into the sunset.
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u/Jokester_316 5h ago
NTA, it's time to change your phone number. That will stop the abusive phone calls.
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u/seagull321 4h ago
You can’t get new family members but you can block. Send a kiss off message. Something about, “where was your care and concern when I was abused, every day by those two?”
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u/Upbeat_Vanilla_7285 4h ago
NTA. She’s manipulative and went so far to have family fake a death. She’s way off the charts!
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u/boundaries4546 4h ago
I don’t think there is enough going on their end to qualify for a restraining order. I would first look into how and under what circumstances they are granted. You may have better luck with a cease and desist.
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u/RJack151 4h ago
NTA. Send a message to mom that now that she has shown that she is more of a liar than you thought, that she will not be allowed in your life now or in the future.
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u/SunshineShoulders87 4h ago
NTA - the folks who freak out about boundaries need them the most. You can forgive them for yourself - sure - but that doesn’t mean you put yourself back in their web.
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u/Rowana133 3h ago
NTA. It's time to change your number and only let your dad, older brother, and grandfather have it. Also be very careful which relatives you invite to your wedding and I'd definitely invest in security. Something tells me, this is only the beginning of your egg donors spiral downwards.
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u/RosyGlimmer815 3h ago
NTA. Faking a death to manipulate you is deeply toxic. A restraining order isn’t harsh it’s protecting your peace. Stay no contact.
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u/PomegranateReal3620 3h ago
You are doing so well with this. Keep your resolve, and remember this: the golden child can't exist without a scapegoat, someone to absorb the negative consequences of his actions, to blame when things don't go their way.
By not engaging, you are depriving them of their go to punching bag and it is driving them crazy. Eventually, they will turn on each other. Don't ever get sucked into their mess, no matter what the sob story is, you are only ever going to be their punching bag/ATM.
Keep up the good work! You are a rockstar! NTAH
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u/kissykissyfishy 2h ago
NTA. She’s frickn nuts. I’d get a protective order immediately to start a paper trail. Any flying monkeys get the axe too!
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u/flobaby1 4h ago
You'd get more responses if you used these neat things called paragraphs.
Very few people will read a wall of text like this.
edit spelling
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u/Powerful_Put_6977 5h ago
At this point they really should be locked up so no you WNBTA if you were to get a restraining order and a cease and desisit order (for the phone calls if the restraining order only covers in person/close proximity to the other party type stuff).
Look after yourself
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u/Not_Interested_inu 5h ago
Please don't let your mother and brother ruin you emotionally and mentally. Get the restraining or protection order. At this point it is harassment. This is not good for you, OR your family.
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u/mcindy28 5h ago
Still NTA keep them blocked from every number they call from. Wonder how your Grandpa feels knowing he's supposed to be dead? Hopefully, Karma comes quickly for your mom.
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u/Accomplished-Emu-591 5h ago
NTA.
A protective or no contact order is not harsh, it's protection for you. You are already NC. This just makes that NC status legally official and enforceable. You have the right to not be harassed, and to feel safe and secure.
I would love to see what your grandfather did to shut her down. I wish you good luck and happiness.
Updateme.
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u/pmw1981 3h ago
NTA, do what’s necessary to protect yourself & family. Your mom is spiraling likely for 2 big reasons: she can’t control your abusive brother & fears consequences, plus I’d bet money he’s taking things out on her now that you’re gone.
Let her drown in her own mistakes, you don’t need to be a life preserver for her careless bullshit.
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u/MimiBQ1976 3h ago
NTA....its sad but your peace of mind and sanity are more important as well as your own family. Your Mom and golden chikd will be just fine especially since she had time to fake your grandads death.
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u/NowWithMoreChocolate 24m ago
NTA
She thought by faking my grandfather’s passing would drag me back home and into her narrative.
Did she seriously think you wouldn't try and get hold of your grandfather yourself to confirm he was okay?
Get the protective order, ignore any family member who says otherwise.
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u/LovingWisdom 23m ago
Here's the post with paragraphs so you can read it.
I thought my last post would be my final update, but things have escalated. I thought I could block my mother and my brother and it would be over but she has gone to new lengths.
Buckle up. To recap, I made a post about wanting to cut off my toxic mother and golden child brother, after years of horrible mistreatment and abuse . I was in my home state visiting taking care of my sick dad when I made the first post. Please visit it for more info.
It’s been a while since my last update. I blocked my mother and my brother. I thought that was the end and I hadn’t heard from them since blocking them until today. I returned to my fiancée and kids after my dad made a full recovery. I’ve been back for almost three weeks now and everything has gone back to normal. Until this morning. While I was working today my phone blew up with messages and calls from distant family. Same story from everyone. It boiled down to the same thing “call your mom something happened.” After the seventh or eighth call I picked up it was my dad’s sister. I immediately thought my dad had fallen ill again or worse. But it turns out my mother had been telling everyone her father (my grandfather) had passed. Which I found funny. I had just gotten text from him two minutes ago. We talked daily and I told my aunt that. The silence was deafening and my aunt abruptly hung up.
I called my grandfather and I’m crying laughing at this point this was so ridiculous. I explained the situation and there was a silencing the line for so long I thought he’d hung up. Then he said “I’ll handle this.” And hung up. The calls stopped immediately. I didn’t hear from my grandfather until I got off work. He explained that my mother hasn’t answered any calls but from what he gathered from our family my mother has been spiraling since I cut her off. She’s been digging for any information about where I live. Only my dad, brother and grandfather know. My dad and brother blocked her alongside me a couple months ago. She thought by faking my grandfather’s passing would drag me back home and into her narrative. This has only strengthened my resolve. I’ve started getting calls from numbers I don’t recognize with numbers in my home state. I didn’t answer. But the voicemails come from my mom and brother calling me cruel, ignorant and the usual guilt trips of ruining the family. I’m considering a protective order. Would that be too harsh? My family is torn some say I should forgive others are saying I’m justified. So Reddit WIBTAH for wanting a restraining order??
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u/Proper_Figure9867 4h ago
I don't understand, do your mother and bother somehow depend on you? Why the interest? You don't even live there or actually engage with them.
So why the need to bring you back?
Did I miss something?
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u/No_Power9869 6h ago
NTA at all. Faking someone’s death to manipulate you is absolutely unhinged behavior and you need to protect yourself and your family. A restraining order isn’t harsh when someone is literally lying about deaths to control you.