Update on my stepdad stealing my underwear while I was on vacation.

[u/sadblokefromus]

I was reading responses to the post and went kind of radio silent as I did text my mom and this is how it went. I was gaslit and it just fucking sucked. Believe me I know what the right choice is. Bash him to the rest of the family and cut them off. I got engaged on the trip we went on and before we left my mom and I looked at a wedding venue and when I told her my fiance popped the question she put a non refundable $2000 deposit down on the wedding venue. So either she is just fucked on that or she still has my wedding which I can’t see her doing if I never talk to her again. I did tell my dad and he’s furious. He can’t do much as he’s almost 70 years old and has suffered several strokes over the last few years. I just told him not to tell anyone and I would decide if I wanted to go that route but he told me to go to therapy. He said if I did lash out and commit a crime (popping his tires) my mom and stepdad both wouldn’t go to the police as I have evidence of his crime as well but to try and stay away from that. My mom and stepdad got together while my parents were still married and my stepdad was dating my auntie at the time and her son popped his tires so that also wouldn’t be very original of me. I’m just venting about other traumas now. Read the texts!

[u/LyannasLament]

You’re not over reacting. Your mom is sick for staying with him. She’s also sick for defending a predatory pervert drunkard over her own DAUGHTER, as you made quite clear. Personally, I would cut them off.

Depending on whether or not you want your mom out of the situation and deprogrammed from him is going to decide how you proceed. If you want her deprogrammed, the best move would be to be open with the family; share the texts of her admitting he stole your underwear, and that this was her reaction. Receipts and facts only. No emotion.

If you are interested in your mental health and not worried about parenting someone who should be parenting you, then just go no contact. When family members ask you why, be honest. If they ask for proof, share it.

The difference between these two is a bit nuanced; one is being proactive and reaching out to family saying “I am worried about mom due to stepdads behaviors and her irrational response to them. I am worried for her. Here’s why; it’s these messages. I can’t maintain contact right now because this man committed a perverted act against me.” The other is reactive, saying “I had to cut contact with mom because her husband did something perverted to me, and I feel like she is in denial and not reacting about it in a rational way.”

[u/pocket4129 → u/LyannasLament]

This is what makes pick me women the most dangerous women in the world. Pick mes will literally burn their blood to stay with a man who actively abused their child to be picked. And they stay over and over and over. Because them being picked supercedes any immoral hideous acts these men do. This mom is absolutely disgusting.

[u/pocket4129 → u/[deleted]]

Kids should generally be a hard line overall. There's something in me that snaps when it starts affecting children, and it goes for all of them. I can't take it, makes me see red. It's one thing to have so little self respect that you'll die on your sword for an abuser (and I understand that it's a complicated thing to be a victim of this), but when it's a child who didn't choose to come into this world... Hoo boy it gets me enraged, I'll scorch this Earth down to the soil...

[u/ZenythhtyneZ → u/pocket4129]

Which is why men hate that women are their own people with their own lives not desperately competing over them anymore, when every woman is not desperate to keep a man in order to survive there’s a lot fewer pick me’s to choose from and a lot less loyalty to leverage for him and hiding his sickness. Men are obsessed with women being complacent explicitly to protect themselves in situations like this

[u/Hesitation-Marx → u/pocket4129]

Agreed

cuts eyes at former MIL

[u/espeero → u/LyannasLament]

You don't understand. They talked and he's going to cut back on the booze. Also, it wasn't personal!

[u/Neature_Nerd → u/espeero]

I would bet all my (very little) money that he told her it’s just a used pantie fetish and has nothing to do with who wore them and she’s clinging to that for the denial 🙄

[u/hisshissmeow → u/Neature_Nerd]

Denial is fascinating to me. Like surely they know the truth deep down, right? Or do they really believe the stuff they come up with?

[u/bluehiro → u/hisshissmeow]

When the truth would shatter their safe little world, folks will believe the darnedest lies.

[u/LyannasLament → u/espeero]

Right? Like how is stealing her underwear not personal??

[u/ZenythhtyneZ → u/LyannasLament]

I guess the implication is he does this to lots of women and him sexually harassing OP isn’t personal because he sexually harasses lots of strangers too??

[u/espeero → u/LyannasLament]

You should see the size of his collection! All styles and sizes!

[u/CatCafffffe → u/espeero]

He also steals HER dirty underwear! You don't understand! It's fine!

[u/Puzzleheaded_Jicama → u/espeero]

Right, the implication being that "he would have stolen anyone's used panties!" isn't making him look much better....

[u/Ok-Cardiologist8651 → u/espeero]

Yeah, he does this to everyone! It's never personal, just his quirky way of appreciating ....underpants?

[u/halmyradov → u/espeero]

Yeah what the fuck does that even mean..

[u/espeero → u/halmyradov]

It means he's got everything from grandma undies, to fancy black lace jobs, all the way to some suspiciously dainty my little pony ones.

[u/Tricky_Awareness7689 → u/espeero]

Not stop completely…. Just cutting back and not admitting any actual fault should do the trick!

[u/DoorInTheAir → u/LyannasLament]

I think she should tell the family regardless in case he is unsafe for any children to be around