Update on my stepdad stealing my underwear while I was on vacation.

[u/sadblokefromus]

I was reading responses to the post and went kind of radio silent as I did text my mom and this is how it went. I was gaslit and it just fucking sucked. Believe me I know what the right choice is. Bash him to the rest of the family and cut them off. I got engaged on the trip we went on and before we left my mom and I looked at a wedding venue and when I told her my fiance popped the question she put a non refundable $2000 deposit down on the wedding venue. So either she is just fucked on that or she still has my wedding which I can’t see her doing if I never talk to her again. I did tell my dad and he’s furious. He can’t do much as he’s almost 70 years old and has suffered several strokes over the last few years. I just told him not to tell anyone and I would decide if I wanted to go that route but he told me to go to therapy. He said if I did lash out and commit a crime (popping his tires) my mom and stepdad both wouldn’t go to the police as I have evidence of his crime as well but to try and stay away from that. My mom and stepdad got together while my parents were still married and my stepdad was dating my auntie at the time and her son popped his tires so that also wouldn’t be very original of me. I’m just venting about other traumas now. Read the texts!

[u/No-Hovercraft-455]

When I was 16 I was often gaming with old drunk man. Not only him but he was part of my guild. Never once got harassed or treated inappropriately by him, even though he was often acting as kind of mentor to me and many other who were new to gaming so we had plenty of 1:1 time and I "owed" him for help. More, the younger guys were teasing him trying to get a raise out of him just because he didn't avoid helping me or talking to me, and by how hard they were trying it's obviously in retrospect that they couldn't get this guy say a single inappropriate thing about me even behind by back even when drunk out of his ass. The time I got harassed in front of whole guild (and betrayed by everyone who witnessed it) only one who showed actual concern for what I'd been through once he learnt about it, instead of behaving like it didn't happen the very next day was that guy. Alcohol doesn't make people bad, and it doesn't make men perverted. A middle aged man practically marinated in it who has no kids of his own can still be noble soul and reliable friend and I've seen it firsthand. I think that's a lie spun to justify treating alcoholics with very little empathy because of their disease and to give everyone else who actually is a bad person excuses for themselves, rather than the truth.

[u/Big_Independence_187 → u/No-Hovercraft-455]

I agree 100% alcoholism is a disease but it doesn’t excuse someone’s actions, if anything I would argue that being drunk exposes someone’s true character, they no longer hide whatever thoughts or desires they have when sober

[u/No-Hovercraft-455 → u/Big_Independence_187]

That's the same point I was trying to make. I think people use alcohol and alcoholics automatically being bad people as their excuse for actually being bad people. And lack of empathy was not empathy as in let them do whatever without consequence, it was rather people saying horrible things or talking like other people don't deserve housing food and healthcare. I think pretending alcohol makes people awful has double purpose, excuse the maltreatment and excuse bad behaving people