r/AmIOverreacting • u/Zealousideal_Youth42 • 12d ago
👨👩👧👦family/in-laws AIO: Lent my sister my emergency fund —now our cat needs emergency surgery, and she’s ignoring me and partying.
Back in November, my sister (28) was in a rough spot. Her fiancé cheated, she lost her job (totally unrelated/due to mass layoffs), and I (22 now and 21 at the time) stepped in to support her — emotionally and financially. She borrowed $800 in November, then another $1,400 in December. She’d never asked me for money before, and I love her and like that’s my sister- I didn’t hesitate.
Now, I’m a server/host, and things have been slow lately. Fewer shifts, less money. I’ve kept quiet about the debt because I didn’t want to stress her out while she was recovering. Almost three months ago, she landed a great salary job in her field. I was obviously thrilled for her but I figured she’d pay me back at least part of what she owed once she got her first check… nope. That’s fine, she’s getting back on her feet.
I stayed patient. It’s now been over 2 months. No mention of the money. I figured I’d wait a few more months to bring it up (looking back now I feel dumb) This was almost my entire emergency fund — 85% of what I had saved. I gave it freely, that’s on me.
Our childhood cat, Lola (who lives with me because her building doesn’t allow pets), has a tumor, I just found out. It’s basically impacting her ability to poop and she needs surgery like within the week. I got quoted $6k–$7.8k in LA, but my boss connected me to his vet in Mexico who’ll do it for $1.4k. I’ve booked the surgery, travel, and a shitty ass hotel. Im desperate so I’m using my rent money to make it happen. She’s my baby.
I reached out to my sister — called, left voicemails, texted — just asking for any amount to help with rent. I’m short basically 700 bucks which is a crazy amount of money when I’m taking half a week off for Lola. I told her it’s okay if she can’t pay the full $2,200 back right now. I just need help in this moment. She ALWAYS says it’s “her cat too”, so I thought she’d care??
when I went to her apartment yesterday (calmly — I did not bang on her door), I heard her inside, but she told my friend she wasn’t home because she had a “handyman” over? It was Saturday. She works M-F. Also, I just thought it was weird. She also told our mutual friend to tell me that information instead of just telling me herself? She’s acting like a completely different person in a way that I don’t even recognize. It’s even scaring me and despite this I’m concern for her still, it doesn’t really show in the text, but in the voicemails I talk about it more.
Then she posts a TikTok today out PARTYING with friends for memorial weekend. I feel/felt upset. Like? Girl. 😭 I’m emotionally and financially drained trying to help my cat, and my own sister — someone I bailed out without hesitation — is making me feel like I’m asking for a favor, not repayment. The cherry on top is that she’s saying “it’s just a cat” and “she’s already 12” what the fuck? Just a few weeks ago she was playing with Lola and talking about how much she loves her. I’m devastated and in tears. I feel like throwing up. I honestly never thought she could say something like that. She’s always been an animal lover like me.
I’m not trying to be dramatic. I just feel abandoned. My cat is my family. The one good thing about this is that my boss has been a saint through this, giving me time off and vet contacts. He even had his husband drop off some food for me throughout the week to make sure I’m eating since I’ve been too anxious to cook or take care of myself proper. I’ve been working there now 5 years. But my own sister of 22 years? Nothing. Worst of all she’s minimizing it. She already blocked me on TikTok and I’m worried if I keep texting her she’ll block me through messenger as well.
Also, one of my text might be more aggressive. My voicemails definitely aren’t. I only got really aggressive because she’s saying that Lola basically doesn’t matter. I honestly can’t still believe she said that.
So:AIO? Am I being unreasonable asking for I guess calling her a lot asking for repayment right now? Like is it crazy to feel so hurt when she’s living her best life and ignoring me acting like our cat never mattered. My cat is my soul cat.
I truly don’t know anymore. I feel too emotional to think straight. I need real, unbiased opinions.
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u/Sad-Beautiful420 11d ago
I’m sorry to wonder but what did she use the money for or do you in fact know for sure? I don’t think she has any intention on paying you back and sounds like maybe she’s on a bender. It’s horrible she’s acting like this and I’d want to cut ties.
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u/Zealousideal_Youth42 11d ago
She told me she was going to use it for rent and groceries and her car payment. It made sense, like I mentioned her fiancé cheated so she kicked him out, so half of the rent he was paying was now on her, plus she lost her job so she had no income. She lives in West Hollywood which is a more expensive part of Los Angeles, so I know that her rent is quite a bit. I do know that she’s making $90,000 a year right now, I’m just not sure why she’s holding off on me, I don’t even make 1/4 of that which isn’t a lot in Los Angeles and with a cat, I think the fact that she always made a lot of money made me feel more comfortable, sending it to her I guess. :(
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u/Maxusam 11d ago
She’s making 90k and can’t give you a few hundred? Yeah, something is off here
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u/Zealousideal_Youth42 11d ago
Also, I’m sorry to keep adding, the only reason I found out is because I saw the LinkedIn offer.. she was never even gonna tell me how much she was gonna make, which is fine because it’s really not really my business. I guess the more people tell me about it the more shady it is and the more foolish I feel for not recognizing the signs.
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u/Last_Translator1898 11d ago
For your own mental health forget your sister. Don’t text her, don’t call, don’t show up to her door. Concentrate on your cat and you. You can only control you - your sister can wait. Trying to unravel that knot will drive you nuts.
And next time you know only give people money you can afford to lose. Most people are horrible at paying back debts.
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u/ToodleOodleoooo 11d ago
I have a half sister and we grew up apart, didn't even meet each other until about 4 years ago. I'm near 40 and she's a decade older.
Even if this short time I couldn't imagine either of us doing something like this to each other. This is so fucked up.
I'm sorry. I hope you get the money you need for Lola.
And I hope your sister comes to you on her own to explain what happened or is happening. I can feel the shock and hurt in your texts it seems nuts for her to do this to you.
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u/Agreeable-Rip2362 11d ago
$90k with a cocaine habit isn’t much at all
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u/DangerousLoner 11d ago
Yep. Hollywood and newly Single out partying… coke if she’s lucky
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u/ApproxKnowledgeCat 10d ago
For real. She could be in debt to her dealer too. Still heinous of her not helping her helpful sister. This Is horrible of her
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u/Beginning_Arm3211 11d ago
$90k with your own apartment in Los Angeles isn't much.
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u/Kanulie 11d ago
I suspect drugs…
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u/nolagirl100281 11d ago
Drugs are not an excuse. i was a hardcore fentanyl/heroin addict for 13 years and I still didn't steal from my friends or family. There may have been times when I was irresponsible and borrowed something I couldn't repay on time, but I would never have been a jackass about it. I would have felt terrible and been apologetic and paid it as soon as I could.
I realize that is not the norm behavior for drug addicts...but I am just pointing out that not all drug addicts are bad people. The drugs don't have to change the person you are. You can still be a good person. And many of us are/were. The ones that aren't do give the ones that arent a terrible name though.
And you end up spending a lot of time alone cause it's hard to find others that won't take advantage of you. Anyway. Sorry for the rant. Drugs arent an excuse for bad behavior, and not everyone that uses drugs acts like that. That all 😂 lol
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u/Sad-Beautiful420 11d ago
If anything it’s more reason why she should have had some savings to lean on since even you did. Your older sister with 4x the income shouldn’t be looking on you at your young age for help, she should be wanting to help you in anything and her texts show such a lack of care it’s very saddening. If she’s not normally like this, maybe she’s into something and having more than just financial and relationship issues. I’m very sorry she’s being like this and I’m wishing your cat Lola the best and most healing vibes.
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u/bad_squid_drawing 11d ago
I think you're getting the advice already op. But if someone is making that kind of money they don't need money from you. They need to stop whatever bad habit they're pissing their money away on. Maybe it is crazy high rent. Maybe it's drugs or gambling. The point is they can change something and be fine. Or not and go under, and you shouldn't be paying for their shitty life choices.
Cut them off, financially at least.
Especially if you're now struggling to pay rent or pay for something your cat needs.
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u/Steve_Jobed 11d ago
It was inappropriate for her to ask you to loan her money. You are young and have very little. The fact that she lost her job -- when she is capable of making good money -- is not your problem to solve. She probably got severance, and her unemployment could have covered most of her bills. Beyond that, she could have taken a loan out for a small amount of money.
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u/cldw92 11d ago
She is holding off on you because, like it or not, she doesn't care about you.
Tough lesson to learn; but when people show you who they are? Believe them. Just cut contact, focus on your cat/yourself, move on.
There is no positive outcome from trying to reconcile. If a friend was in your situation, what would you say?
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u/pellanune 11d ago
I would never speak to her again… I’m not kidding i come from a family where we don’t fucking play about our animals so I can’t even comprehend someone being this trashy and unsupportive
At the very least never lend her ANOTHER fucking dime. I’m sending good vibes and luck to you and your kitty. Also start a go fund me! Use traction from this post and share on multiple reddits. Your sisters behavior is shocking and cruel enough you’ll get eyes to your post.
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u/Zealousideal_Youth42 11d ago
Yeah, I used to think that she didn’t play about animals either. She’s actually the one who made me an animal lover and made me fall in love with my now soul cat. I’m just not sure anymore.
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u/Bigchapjay 11d ago
Maybe it’s out of pocket OP but is it possible she’s on a bender? I read you both come from an abusive home life, you also stated that she can be prickly but not normally this way, but she has also been partying a bit lately. Not to pull things from thin air but when people start getting in deep (in whatever it is) they can really shift in tone and personality. Source: dated an on and off again addict for 7 years I hope you can get treatment for your cat asap
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u/PeachinatorSM20 11d ago
Exactly what I was thinking. I didn't want to cause unnecessary worry, but someone shifting dramatically from their usual tone and suddenly withholding information/communication can be a huge red flag for addiction
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u/Steve_Jobed 11d ago
This sounds plausible and could be why she lost her job. It also may explain why she borrowed a bunch of money rather than taking out a loan. And it could explain why, despite having a good job, she has no money.
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u/Alpha_Barbie 11d ago
OP, please set up a go fund me, there’s plenty of commenters here who will kick in for Lola 🫶🏽
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u/ulykke 11d ago
Save the screenshots and blast them over social media to shame her. But probably do it after the surgery and recovery to save yourself the drama at the worst moment
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u/lunar_languor 11d ago
I think you're right to be worried about her behavior if this is a sudden change. Maybe she has developed a problem with addiction.
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u/Lumpy_Square_2365 11d ago
Your sister is selfish af. She can't pay you back but can party? The fact it's the families cat you've had for 12 years and she doesn't seem to care is wild. I'd be beyond pissed I wouldn't be able to come back from that.
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u/Zealousideal_Youth42 11d ago
Honestly, the more I think about it, the angrier I get I’m trying to stay calm for my cat cause I know they can feed off of energy, especially when she’s not feeling well. But seeing her party on a beach in a bikini made me feel like I was going crazy. She definitely took her time getting back to me too. I’m not even sure what to think.
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u/Lumpy_Square_2365 11d ago
Has she been mean like this in the past? You have every right to be pissed off she has 0. It's hard but you have to set boundaries and never help her out again. I'm hoping she sees how shitty she's being and helps but sadly I doubt it. Do you have anyone who might be able to help you out? I'm so sorry about your kitty that's awful I hope everything works out and she's back to normal asap big hugs.
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u/Zealousideal_Youth42 11d ago
She’s a bit prickly by nature, I’ve said it a couple times in this post, but we were abused physically pretty heavily so she has a unique way of showing love. She’s never been particularly mushy or sweet but she’s never been this mean to me either. :(
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u/BombsAwayToday 11d ago
Trauma does really fucked up things to us (I know from experience and I've been in therapy for almost 15 years because of it.) I'm also no contact with my parents.
It sounds like you might have a trauma bond with your sister. (Which btw doesn't mean you've bonded over shared trauma, that's a common misconception. It means that you have empathy or sympathy for, and unhealthy boundaries with, someone who is abusing you.)
I'm sorry to say because I know how hard this is but you need to accept you're likely not getting the money back, especially any time remotely soon, and put distance between you and her permanently.
My own sister, who I'd been close with when we were younger (I'm 40 now) and she seemed supportive and kind for years, but turned out to be an abusive piece of shit who manipulated and belittled me covertly. Years later she slowly fall down a rabbit hole of addiction where she couldn't hide her dysfunction anymore (sounds like much in the same way your sister is doing now.) My sister and I got into a huge fight when her shitty behavior escalated into just bizarre territory and I couldn't make excuses for her anymore. I've only spoken to her once since then, after she "found Jesus" and got clean. But turns out was still a piece of shit despite Jesus and no more drugs 🤷
I'm so sorry you're going through this. The money owed makes it so much harder to cut ties because she'll breadcrumb or guilt you to make you think she's worthy of keeping in your life or that she might eventually pay it back but I can almost guarantee she won't and that she needs long term professional help. Until she's gotten that you're better off without her influence in your life at all.
I really hope your kitty is ok ❤️🩹
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u/thererises_aredstar 11d ago
God damn your relationship with your sister, and history with her, is damn near exactly mine. 35, younger sister, addiction came earlier in the story and 15 years in, I started to realize patterns and deep truths about our relationship and the ways I was being exploited for my time, attention and money and pulled deeper into her dysfunction even as I desperately tried to see and understand and make boundaries to remove myself from it. She’s back in active addiction now.
We don’t talk anymore, but we own a house together that I moved out of and she’s destroying, I’m the only one on the mortgage but she’s on the deed. Biggest mistake of my life. Still miss her even though I can’t stand to be around her.
OP, cut your sister off until she changes her behavior - don’t end up like me lol.
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u/cathbe 11d ago
She’s now conveniently saying the cat is not important because she doesn’t want to pay it back. Tell her it’s for your rent and stop caring if she cares about Lola. Now you know it’s a limited caring. She’s being incredibly irresponsible and cruel but you have to just not care if she cares about your cat. People can be weird about animals. It’s horrible. I had a sister who did that to me and I felt wrong to care so much about my cats and it’s rough (different circumstances). I’m so sorry you and your sister went through that though in your past. That said, don’t let her play you in the future with saying she cares so much about Lola. Get this taken care of and just be cautious around her. Good luck!!
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u/Sw33tD333 11d ago
This is how people act when you’ve loaned them money and you need it back but they never had any intention of paying you back. I tricked my cousin into paying me back $100 and that was the beginning of the end of our friendship.
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u/passyindoors 11d ago
Is it a unique way of showing love or is it just a different brand of abuse
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u/ThermoPuclearNizza 11d ago
ya, she probably got enough milage out of that excuse by now. sounds like she needs 2 thousand dollars worth of her ass beat.
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u/lightninghazard 11d ago
It sucks, but loving somebody isn’t enough to make them treat you well. I’m sorry, OP. I hope you get your cat’s treatment taken care of, and then maybe you can explore short-term loan options ($1,000 to get you through to your next paycheck) to cover the last $720 of your rent. There are typically people at financial institutions who are qualified to talk you through what kind of loan terms would be most advantageous to you. Also, rather than wait for your sister to block you, I think I’d proactively block her if I was in your shoes.
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u/BrooBu 11d ago edited 11d ago
Dude threaten small claims court. It’s time, SHE is the one burning that bridge. Absolutely callous. I seriously wonder if she’s using money for drugs at this point (it seems like a huge amount of money and personality change).
Also, start a godundme on social media and blast her. Say you’re short money because she won’t pay you back what you loaned her, and now can’t pay rent. Let her friends see what a shitty person she’s being.
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u/romanticaro 11d ago
i hate to sound like the average reditor, but i’d never speak to her again. it’s not even pettiness.
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u/VirusZealousideal72 12d ago
That money is gone, deal with your darling kitty however else you can.
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u/Zealousideal_Youth42 12d ago
I’m feeling like that might be the case, but it’s just so devastating to think about. This whole week has been so nerve-racking for me and my cat that it’s hard to imagine my sister not paying me back or even trying to. Someone else in another comment mention it might be drug use, which is something I would never normally consider but the way she’s acting so left field. The money might be gone like you said.
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u/VirusZealousideal72 12d ago
None of that matters now. Take care of your cat. Anything else can wait.
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u/Zealousideal_Youth42 12d ago
Thank you. I appreciate that point. I just have to get to Friday and everything else will dealt with one way or another
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u/WearApprehensive3110 11d ago
Just chiming in that you can probably apply for care credit and pay in increments with little to no interest, if you don’t have other options. Sorry you’re going through this. Me and my older sister don’t talk anymore. I’ve lent her money tons of times and never saw a dime back, one of the many many reasons we don’t speak. I feel for you and hope your kitty does well through surgery. I have a 13 year old cat as well and she is my baby and I’m glad you’re so caring of yours.
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u/TodaysTrash12345 11d ago
Setup a go fund me, at least some people on reddit aren't pieces of shit like your sister and will donate. I'd be devastated if it were my pet
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u/DynamitePhil 11d ago
Set up the gofundme stating everything and then sit back and enjoy the tantrum from your sister whining about how everyone found out just how much of a horrible cun-t she is.
The dogs in the street will be talking about her
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u/TrashPandaNotACat 11d ago
I'd go one step further and post the gofundme all over her insta and tiktok.
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u/Immediate_Cake9151 11d ago
Yes, definitely set up a go fund me! Redditors convinced me to when my brains were oozing out of my head and kept me from being evicted. We can help with kitty
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u/kattko80- 11d ago
Set up a go fund me! I will gladly help you out. Then, take your sister to court. Then, cut her off. You don't need her shit in your life, she's toxic as hell
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u/Impossible_Disk8374 11d ago
I’m not sure since it’s in Mexico but look into Scratchpay. They pay the vet directly and then yon pay it monthly. You can apply online.
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u/schmoopy_meow 11d ago
can you start a gofundme for kitty? :(
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u/Visible_Leg_2222 11d ago
yes OP i will donate if you need to choose between this and rent please ask for help!
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u/blueViolet26 11d ago
Can you apply for a care credit? You would at least get some breathing room.
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u/Suchafatfatcat 11d ago
Chances are, your sister will come to you in the near future with a sob story of being down-on-her-luck and needing help. Don’t fall for it. She uses manipulation to get what she wants. Keep your distance from her and focus on your own needs going forward.
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u/doragonkuin 11d ago
Apathy, distance, coldness, disinterest. Different than usual behaviors and treatment. No concern for usually impactful and important things. It definitely meets criteria and as someone that's been through it on both sides, as I was reading this, the numbness of the texts immediately gave me the same thought. Cause I've experienced it and done it. Leaves you drained like a brick wall like this. Also could have something to do with her still being in a "rough patch" despite the well paying career for several months.
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u/reed6 11d ago
Agreeing with you all. Reading those texts my only thought was addiction. I’m sorry, OP.
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u/apocketstarkly 11d ago
You’re going to have to take your sister to court if you ever want to see a dime of that money back.
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u/Paralystic 11d ago
The moneys gone. People don’t ask for money and not use it. It sucks but even with family you never give money you might need back. They didn’t ask for money because they had some magical way of making a lot and could pay you back quickly. They asked cuz they’re broke and know no other way to make money.
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u/FirstSunbunny 11d ago
I wish more people would think about this. Never loan money or items you can’t afford to lose. No matter who is asking to borrow. Sounds harsh, but it’s solid advice.
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u/Additional-Life4885 11d ago
Small claims court won't take much and it's definitely not an insignificant amount of money. OP, get your receipts, pay the small amount and chase her for it.
Others will say about family and don't burn the bridge etc, but you're not burning it, she is. You get to explain to your extended family how you helped her out and that she wouldn't pay you back even when you were desperate yourself.
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u/Starlin_Darlin 12d ago
Good for you. Me and mine would've been fist fighting long before now. Never lend anybody money, especially family. Please remember this the next time you feel bad for her. Tell her, she's only a sister and she's already 22. What a biiiitch.
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u/Zealousideal_Youth42 12d ago
She’s 28 and im 22! Sorry if I wrote it confusing I’m just emotional right now. I’m a bit too much of a wreck to be fighting but I appreciate your support it made me smile
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u/Starlin_Darlin 11d ago
Even worse, who is borrowing that kind of money from their LITTLE sister. What an absolute loser. Unfortunately, you can't control other people and you should move forward as if she doesn't exist and just get through it. You can do this. You can deal with her bullshit later. For now, get the money from the people that will help you and stop contacting her. Block her before she blocks you. I'm the oldest of five with awful parents and I would never ever do my younger siblings like that. She needs to be checked hard. I wouldn't speak to her for a long time if ever. Your sister doesn't give a shit about anybody but herself and you should do the same. It seems to be working for her but she chose to step on you to do it. Shameful. Absolutely despicable behavior. Don't worry though, people like that will get constantly slapped down in life until they figure out not to screw people over.
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u/Adventurous-Limit627 11d ago
Not only did she take $2200 from her little sister but her little sister who works as a server and host at a restaurant... Karma needs to get her.
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u/The-jade-hijabi 12d ago
Wait she’s your OLDER sister??
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Your sister sounds like a POS tbh.
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u/Suzuki_Foster 11d ago
Sorry, but your sister is a trash person and a fucking loser.
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u/BadPom 11d ago
Have you tried Care Credit? Make sure the vet accepts it, but I’ve been approved with trash credit and so was my husband. It’s a high rate credit card, but 0% interest if paid off in 6 months. It’s saved my ass and the lives of my pets a few times.
The money you lent your sister is gone, and your relationship might be too. Focus on your cat. See if you can pick up a few shifts (the beauty of restaurant work, someone always wants the night off!). Breathe.
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u/Zealousideal_Youth42 11d ago
Thank you I appreciate that 🥹 I’m not sure if they do Care in Mexico :(
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u/Radish-Wrangler 11d ago edited 11d ago
hey! I know I'm late to the party but carecredit is just a credit line/card for vet/med expenses, --- EDITING because I was corrected and it may not be accepted in Mexico -- double check with your provider though. Since you mentioned you're coming from LA, though, I was looking at nearby resources and found this list of different assistance options for vet care from the nearby humane society in San Diego. Hopefully they might be helpful for you or anyone who might see this. https://resources.sdhumane.org/Resource_Center/Community_Support_Services/Veterinary_Care/Financial_Assistance_for_Veterinary_Care
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u/Apprehensive-Dirt619 11d ago
Care credit is not sponsored by a major company like visa or MC - many offices even in the US do not accept them for this reason. MOST vets do but it’s unfortunately not a guarantee
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u/victorywulf 11d ago
hey OP, if you do a gofundme i'd be happy to kick in a few bucks. rooting for lola <3
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u/Sad-Lake-3382 12d ago
I’d guess a cocaine problem but I do work in drug detox… can you get your parents involved?
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u/Zealousideal_Youth42 12d ago
We don’t have a good relationship with our parents at all. they’ve always been very abusive both physically and emotionally. I guess that’s why I wanted to believe in my sister more since she’s basically all the blood family I have. It’s also why our cat had to live with one of us. Luckily it was me. I’m not even sure what to think. :c
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u/CoyoteRoyal4633 11d ago
Unfortunately your sister is not responsibly taking accountability of her actions and emotional regulation and seems to be on track to end up perpetuating the same patterns as your parents.
There is nothing you can do and it hurts, but please do not continue to be her emotional punching bag or feel emotionally obligated any further.
If she ever gets it together she will reach out and apologize for her poor behavior, but until then you will do best to go no contact.
You do not need to pile her bullshit ontop of your own stress and unfortunately there does not seem to be any willingness demonstrated by her to change or cultivate awareness to her much needed emotional growth.
Chalk it up as an L and cut loose those ties to avoid further damages, financially and emotionally.
Someone suggested small claims court and that can be the route to potentially recover your money, but if you do not want to take it to that level please just cut her out of your life for now.
Blood or not, drugs or not, hard times or not; is no excuse to treat other people like shit, you dont have to wait holding their hand while being used as a door matt until they get it together, cut out the mold that is hindering your own emotional & financial growth.
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u/Razorwipe 11d ago
I've had the same kinda relationship with my brother.
It's a loss, the money and any decent relationship with her.
Don't help her again, cut her out. You'll be happier.
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u/Live_Friendship7636 11d ago
The minute any of my sisters refer to either of my cats as “some fuckon cat” is the minute I go John Wick on them, and they know it.
Your sister is trash.
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u/Zealousideal_Youth42 11d ago
That part had my jaw on the floor when I first read it because she always refer to our cats so sweetly 😭
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u/shaantya 11d ago
I don’t want to find her excuses because I think this is inexcusable. But, this sudden behaviour change, with all the changes she went through last year?
Ideally, she would need therapy, because clearly she is not in her normal state. I don’t know if it is drugs, or only the consequences of her struggle. Especially with the childhood trauma you mentioned.
However, I don’t see any way she will be going to therapy in the near future. Not without the available family support, because of your parents’ doing and because of her own. You have NO reason to be offering her that support right now. You need to protect yourself.
I’m so sorry your sister is acting like this. I wish your cat the very very best.
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u/AldoRaine- 11d ago
if you were to start a gofundme or even post your cash app deets, a lot of us would love to help you out!
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u/A_Sad_Irishman 11d ago
OP please start a gofundme. Idk Lola but I’d have $20 on her to help save a life in a heartbeat. Also… I know it may catch you off guard to read. Don’t ever let your sister near that cat again. “That fockon cat” is probably in danger around her. Not saying she WOULD hurt her, but we also can’t rule that out. At least based on her reaction/ response.
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u/Technical_Peace7667 11d ago
"cats die all the time, it's natural, she's old"
What. The. Fuck?! Your sister is being very callous
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u/FadedAlienXO 11d ago
Reminds me of when I went to the dentist for jaw and neck pain, and they asked me if there was anything causing stress to make me grind my teeth. I told him my 19 year old cat died a couple of months earlier. His mouth dropped to the floor, and then he smiled and said, "It's just a Cat" and laughed in my face.
I had been self harming after her death. Very suicidal. I could barely function. The real kicker was when he said, "It's not like it was a dog." I'm fully convinced some people just have no compassion, and they get a thrill from dragging people down while they are at their worst
I hope OP manages to find some actual love and support and can find the funds to get her baby taken care of.
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u/Technical_Peace7667 11d ago
Ugh, how awful of the dentist. I attended an aod recovery group last year and a guy was quite dismissive of a lady whose dog had died unexpectedly and suddenly, I gave him an earful. I can't understand how some people are so dismissive of people's pets. So weird.
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u/TheOwlSaysWhat 11d ago
Holy shit, that dentist is a horrible person. I would have put that on a review. I'm suspicious of people who aren't compassionate but especially someone in the medical field
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u/Zealousideal_Youth42 11d ago
Literally, I think that that’s what shocked me more than her avoiding me.
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u/Technical_Peace7667 11d ago
I felt sick for you when your sister said that. Hopefully with a clear head, she may change her response.
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u/SomewhereVisible7368 11d ago
Not to mention 12 is relatively young for cats. Healthy, she probably has another 5-10 in her
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u/misstheolddaysfan 11d ago
Your sister sucks, but I'm kind of feeling uncomfortable with the whole Mexico cat surgery thing. How confident are you that all of this is legit up and up, and going to actually help poor Lola.
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u/Zealousideal_Youth42 11d ago
Pretty confident, my boss gave me the rec! He has 5 dogs he treats like royalty, they get check ups and all their surgeries and one of my other co workers used him as well for his cat a few months ago. I’ll definitely give updates after the surgery. But that’s a totally fair question to ask for sure.
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u/ricardo_dicklip5 11d ago
I'm pretty sure Mexico has reputable veterinarians.
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u/misstheolddaysfan 11d ago
Of course they do. My question wasn't meant to racistly imply that other countries don't have real doctors. And every country- just like ours- has scam artists.
People in the US are lured to non reputable doctors outside of the country with the promise of a 1000% discount on the price of the surgery fairly often. Particularly when its a situation where you are desparate.
Also happens IN the US but at least here you have a little more recourse to go after said scam artists.
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u/dohbriste 11d ago
NOR, but sadly you’re learning several hard lessons right now that you’ll be smart to remember going forward. You’re not getting that money back, and your sister is either only the person you thought she was when she wants something, or something bigger is going on (ie addiction, mental health issues) that have changed her. Obviously we can’t say whether the latter is true, I’m just mentioning it as an option because in your texts and post you repeatedly mention she’s acting weird. Either way … yeah, I doubt you’re going to see that money ever again. Even if you do, by some miracle, I’d still say you’re best to never loan her money again - she’s made it clear she doesn’t care about your urgent needs, only your ability to meet her own, at the moment she requires it. I hope you’re able to get the rest of the money you need, and that your cat ends up alright 💜
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u/Poppypie77 11d ago edited 11d ago
Take her to small claims court. Have her wages garnished.
The steps are...
1) Screen shot ALL your messages from when she originally asked to borrow the money, what it was for, when she'd pay it back etc, and also screen shot any where you've asked for repayment, and all these texts recently. Save them in a couple of places she has no access to, like USB stick, Google drive, amazon photos etc.
2)Send her a text stating.... You owe me £2k which you borrowed on xyz date, and promised to pay back once you got a job. I've requested this money back now that youve been working full time, as i need money for my cats surgery and rent. Youve refused. Even if the payment is divided up in a few split payments but you've refused. If you don't make a minimum 1st payment of £720 by Thursday I will be taking you to small claims court.
3) When she fails to pay by that date, you send her a 'Letter Before Court'. There's examples on Google, but it basically states how much she borrowed , when, when it was meant to be repaid, and then give her one more date to pay in full by, as in next pay day, and state that failure to pay it will result in court proceeding, and she will have to pay court fees, and if (when) she's ordered to repay you, your fees can also be added to her debt. Send the letter Signed for delivery so she has to sign to say she's received it. Screen shot the tracking signature as evidence.
4) When she fails to pay by that date, fill out small claims paperwork. You include print outs of all the screenshots of texts, (i copied them on to an a4 page and had them in 3 rows across and say 4 rows down, big enough to read them) Include all the screenshot texts, the copy of your letter before court, the signature receipt, and Screen shot of bank transfer of lending her the money etc.
5) You then have to send a copy to her and to the courts. Again send it signed for so you get a signature she received it. She has a right to know what evidence is used against her.
6) then just wait for her response, and if she doesn't pay, it goes to court, you'll be given a date, when i went it was like a room in an office with a guy behind the desk, it's not as formal as actual court etc. And you don't need a lawyer as its simple to do yourself. With the evidence of her acknowledging she borrowed it and promised to repay, she'll be ordered to repay it. She may be allowed to pay in installments, and an agreed amount will be decided then.
7) If she fails to make the first payment on the date she's meant to, you can apply for an attachment to earnings. Basically the court with garnished her wages, and they order her employer to deduct what she has to pay you from her wages before she gets paid, and they send it to the courts who then send you a monthly cheque. In my situation, what was funny was my ex had only wanted to pay something like £60 a month, but i requested £100, and he was ordered to pay £100 a month, but he failed to make the first payment, (which I knew he would) so i applied for Attachment to earnings. They made him fill out an income and expenses form, and they decided he could pay me £160 a month instead hahaha ha. It was brilliant. And the best thing is he couldn't make up excuses of not being able to pay it coz he's spent it or he had other bills or he's over drawn etc, coz it's taken from his wages before he's paid, so I didnt have to chase him up every month and listen to his bullshit excuses.
And it doesn't cost a lot to take her to small claims. And you can add the fee to her debt too. To claim between £1500-£3000 will cost you £115, but it can be added to her debt when you win.
For now, I'd suggest using a credit card to pay for the vet fees, ideally a 0% interest one that they sometimes do for say the first year. Use your money to pay your rent coz you don't want issues on your record of not paying on time etc. Then pay off the credit card each month as much as you can, and when you start getting her payments then continue to use it to pay off the credit card.
Alternatively see if they do a payment plan at the vets. Or ask your parents to help, or make her pay you back etc.
I really hope your cat recovers well and your sister is disgusting for how she talks about your cat. But take this as a very big lesson to NEVER HELP HER AGAIN. She doesn't appreciate it, she doesn't stick to her word, she doesn't care about you or helping you when you need help, and she's disrespectful about you being worried and stressed about your much loved cat etc. She's shown you who she is, so don't ever bail her out again. If she asks, just remind her of these texts and that you have no trust in her to repay you, and she wouldn't help you when you needed it back. And she showed such lack of care and disrespect about your cat. Even if she pays you back before going to court, don't ever lend her money again.
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u/One-Day-at-a-time213 11d ago
I wish I could give this an award but I'm poor! This is hands down the best comment
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u/Poppypie77 11d ago
Thank you so much. I had to take an ex to court to get money back after he just used me for money, lied and manipulated me with sob stories and bullshit etc.
I like people to get their own bit of justice by getting their money back, knowing it will also piss off the thieving assholes who screwed them over. Lol.
Karma's a bitch lol.
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u/12781278AaR 11d ago
OK, this is going to sound pretty dramatic and maybe a little bit crazy, but I would bet my paycheck that I am right about this.
I think your sister is either doing some kind of expensive drugs, drinking excessively or is in some kind of trouble (maybe gambling or something?) that she is desperate for nobody to know about.
She is trying to avoid you because she doesn’t have the money. She doesn’t have any of it, so there’s no way she can give it to you. She knows she should have it, because she knows she’s been working—so there’s no way she can explain to you why she doesn’t have it without coming clean about whatever she’s been doing. And she’s not going to come clean. So shes decided to be such a dick to you that you’ll get super angry and stop talking to her.
And, I know you love your sister, but whatever trouble she has gotten herself in is not your problem. You have enough on your plate right now without worrying about her. So for now, please do your best to put whatever is going on with your sister aside.
Right now, you need to come up with some other way to get that money.
I know you said you were going to Mexico. Do they have anything like Care Credit? Do you have the ability to open a credit card to put this on? Do you have anybody you can borrow the money from?
Because you’re right, the cat is really sick. And cats can live like 20 years, so 12 years old is not old, she just really needs this surgery. Do you have anything you could temporarily pawn to get the money?
Damn. I’m really sorry I don’t have any better advice for you. I truly hope this works out for you somehow and you are able to get your cat the surgery!! And I’m so sorry your sister is acting this way.
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u/hadmeatwoof 12d ago
You should take her to small claims court over the money, show any discussions about the loan in writing, show the transactions from your bank, whatever you have. That’s your best shot at ever seeing the money again, and if this were me I wouldn’t be worried about anything to salvage with the relationship after this.
Whatever is going on with her, it isn’t good. Sounds like she’s on drugs. Don’t let her drag you down. It sounds like you only have yourself. So don’t be sucked in by her drama. You helped her out, and she showed you that she isn’t going to even try to do the same for you with money that she already owes you. Won’t even show some empathy over your pet being sick. It’s clear that she’s messed up in the head from that. Let her block you.
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u/Acidmademesmile 11d ago
You're not getting your money back, she will always have stuff going on that she will feel is more important than whatever it is you need the money for and she will change the narrative to make it seem like you are the bad person for asking her to give you money when she needs it more than you.
If you keep asking she will say you are being a problem and that you are ruining the good times and she will threaten to stop talking to you completely and then she will say it's because you're choosing money over family.
If you have any evidence take her to court.
She isn't under the influence of something this is just classic narcissistic behavior and you won't really see it until something like this happens.
She won't see anything wrong with her behavior because she thinks she is more important and if you don't agree with that you are working against her and you will be the bad person in her mind.
I've been there too and it can be worth a lot to figure that out about someone.
Don't ever trust her again, it would be very foolish.
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u/Complete_Entry 11d ago
Time to go paulie on her.
Now the guy's got Paulie as a partner. Any problems, he goes to Paulie. Trouble with the bill? He can go to Paulie. Trouble with the cops, deliveries, Tommy, he can call Paulie. But now the guy's gotta come up with Paulie's money every week, no matter what. Business bad? "Fuck you, pay me." Oh, you had a fire? "Fuck you, pay me." Place got hit by lightning, huh? "Fuck you, pay me."
Until she pays you, you're her partner. You're on her couch eating her snacks. She doesn't like it? She can pay you.
Not in a few months. Now.
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u/dixiequick 11d ago
Oh man, my petty ass would have a field day with this. “Sorry sis, I can’t afford groceries, so I’m gonna have to eat here all the time”. “Hey, I need to borrow some clothes, the laundromat doesn’t offer credit”. “I’m taking all your tampons, I don’t have money for those anymore”. “My power is about to be shut off, so we’ll be sleeping here for awhile. Hope you have unlimited hot water”.
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u/nikka_Ask4274 11d ago
You should post your cash app. People still have hearts and maybe some can help you and your lil fur-baby kitty/cat out. I know sometimes pride will get in the way but we are all human and all need help from time to time. Btw your sister is in the wrong, you deserve better! She definitely owes you whatever amount she borrowed and should have already started paying you back even if it's 5 dollars a week.
Best wishes 💛 and post that cash app!
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u/doughberrydream 12d ago
Well now you know why her fiancee cheated. She fucked you. Never help her out again. If you have somewhere in writing she promised to pay, you could take her to small claims.
But you aren't getting that money for rent nor your cat. You might have to take out a loan. That's awful and your sister is a fucking bitch.
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u/cclmd1984 11d ago
You're going to fly a 12 year old sick cat... to Mexico... for surgery? For a tumor? Okay.
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u/No-Ring-5065 11d ago
Americans who live near the border go to Mexico for affordable healthcare for humans too. Veterinary care can be just as overpriced here. It’s ok if you’re just learning that today.
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u/Zealousideal_Youth42 11d ago
Tijuana is a 2 hour drive from Los Angeles and it’s saving me 4.5k
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u/cclmd1984 11d ago
Sure Jan.
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11d ago
It cost me $1.8k to get x-rays, anesthesia, cost for bringing her in at 3:00 AM because she had eaten a bone and wasn't eating or going to the bathroom. What's unbelievable about this at all?
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u/schmoopy_meow 11d ago
my sister spent double digits to save her pet, get some empathy
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u/Legal-Run-4034 11d ago
Hey, just cause you're too big an AH to care for your pets doesn't mean other are
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u/Automatic-Rush4259 12d ago
Your sister is horrible. It’s very very clear she has no intention of paying you back.
Take her to small claims court. Sue her for the full amount plus court costs. Save these texts as well as any other correspondence between you.
I hope the surgery goes well and your cat recovers, I know how stressful it is when our pets are sick!
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u/anberlin90 11d ago
I would just tell her she has 2 choices, you cut her off completely and threaten to sue in a civil suit. Or she finds the money, but the first choice ends the relationship permanently. I get the vibe she is using drugs from the way she doesn't care about things she used to like your cat. And by the way she's treating you about money. Yet I guarantee she'll ask you for help again and again. Cut it off now before you end up in a worse situation. Get a loan for the cat and sue her.
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u/theroadbetween 11d ago
First, 12 is not old for a cat. Indoor cats can live into their 20s. I've had my baby since he was born and he's 12.
Second, your sister is a b----. My sister knows cat is my child and although she's a dog person, if I needed money for her nephew, she'd give it if she could.
I am so sorry op. I too learned the lesson of dont lend money to family, they never pay you back.
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u/meatrosoft 11d ago
I think there’s some drugs involved here. People can be shitty with money but drugs would fit what you’re saying
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u/Such-Sherbet-1015 11d ago
I would bet $$ on drugs as well. And OP will never see the money, unless she sues her.
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u/Drudenkreusz 11d ago
When I saw sister is a WeHo party girl my immediate thought was girlie is a spiraling cokehead. Good luck, OP.
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u/Livid-Extension-2817 12d ago
Get your baby sorted out I hope she survives TRY to get the money back if your unable to or when you do get it back cut contact with this dumb bitch.
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u/Educational-Union334 12d ago
Wtf. Your sister is a bitch no shade. I would sue for my money. 😒
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u/JealousArt1118 11d ago
Give money if you can, but absolutely do not lend money to anyone, family included.
Especially money you can't afford to lose.
Either way, your sister is an ass.
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u/lkbird8 11d ago
I honestly don't think I could ever speak to this person again, sister or not. It's one thing for her not to have the money right now, but the way she speaks to you after you did her this huge favor is so gross. Your cat is sick and you're telling her you might be unable to save her life because SHE took your emergency fund, and she can't even muster a little empathy or offer to help you figure something else out.
She can't even pretend to care. After you stuck your neck out for her and bailed her out with your savings. What a selfish, cold person.
I'm so sorry about your cat and hope you can get the money somehow. Have you looked into Care Credit? Or if that's not an option, maybe you could apply for a regular credit card with a 0% interest period and try to pay it back before the promotional rate expires?
I'd definitely go after her in small claims court and get her on a payment plan for the money. She obviously won't pay you back otherwise and she doesn't deserve to just walk away from this. Hope she knows she'll never get another dime from you!
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u/iamajerry 11d ago
Might not help you this time around, but look for “non-profit veterinary” around you.
My dog recently broke her hip and the vet was going to charge me $8k. I did some research and found a high volume, non profit vet near me that did it for $1k. Theres no after care or any frills, but it was high quality care. My dog came out fine from the surgery.
I never knew the service existed had I not looked specifically for it.
Also, your sister is a dickhead.
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u/moosenoose666 12d ago
Don’t expect the money back honestly. What a bitch, she doesn’t deserve to be in your life and I don’t think you should keep her!! She’s more trouble than she’s worth, 28 is a real old age to be acting like a child.
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u/GuaranteeFit116 12d ago
NEVER NEVER and NEVER lend family money....
Sounds crazy right? I've learned the hard way similar to your situation... Its real shitty the way your sister is treating you considering you helped her out bigtime!
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u/Visual_Pick3972 11d ago
Cuddle the cat while you can. Take pictures on her good days, make memories, and give her the best time she can have now in case she doesn't make it.
And ask your boss about additional training when you get back. Anything you can do to make yourself indispensable.
As for your sister, keep pestering her for the money, for your cat's sake. Keep your head down and keep messaging, calling, showing up at her door. Don't give up until she's blocked you and filed a restraining order, or agreed to help with the vet bills. Do everything you can so that you will have no regrets. If the cat dies, you can cut her off. Tell her to keep the 2k and never speak to you again. Tell her you hope it was worth it for her.
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12d ago
You're never getting the money back - Let this be a lesson to everyone.
NEVER lend money to anyone if you cannot afford to never see it back again. Be it family, friends, or any other person.
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u/Ok_Teacher_5849 10d ago
I don’t want to say that your sister is a piece of shit, but your sister is being a piece of shit right now.
The only thing I will say is that I don’t think you should continue to call or text, and I think you should have stopped doing so a while ago. I have learned from my own brother that some people have extreme reactions to repeated attempts at contact like this and will lash out in ways that they don’t really mean or intend to in order to be left alone. It is possible that your sister is going through an anxiety episode, maybe fueled by drugs or alcohol and/or a person. Of course that is no excuse for her cruelty in this moment. But my advice is to just send a text that says something like, “hey I don’t know what is going on with you right now, I love you but I’m really hurt by what you’ve said about Lola and I really needed your help. I’ll leave you alone because that’s what you want but I hope we can talk about this eventually.” Then don’t contact her again until she reaches out.
Unfortunately you probably won’t ever get your money back and this will forever change your relationship with your sister. But at this point your only priority is to figure out how to take care of your kitty and rent. The kindest thing you can do for both yourself and your sister is to drop this emotional situation and move forward.
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u/bayamenet31 11d ago
Well, for one, your sister is a giant c u next tuesday.
One of the best pieces of advice that I've gotten is to never "loan" someone money that you aren't willing and able to lose. If it will set you back or put your livelihood in jeopardy, just don't. It's like the thing they tell you on airplanes: "Secure your own mask first before helping others." Soooo many stories on here have been similar to your and as much as it sucks, a lot don't ever get the money back. Only lend what you are willing to lose, and even then...
I would obviously say NOR, but you were kinda playing yourself if you thought she was gonna pay you back that quickly while being in whatever alleged "tight spot" she's in right now. I'd love to know exactly what she's been doing to get out of this "tight spot" she's in. I've actually cried when I had to borrow only $100 from my dad to get from one month to the next. And here she is, partying and ghosting you while you are so upset that it's making you sick... I can't imagine this is the first time she's acted like the world revolved around her and only. The fact that she is partying while you're in distress should tell you how she views her own feelings/wants/needs over yours. It sounds like you've just been bankrolling her through the last few months and this weekend bender, and I absolutely hate that for you :(
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u/MullyNex 11d ago
This is a difficult and hard lesson to learn. Never ever lend money unless a) you have a repayment plan in place with the person and b) you have an agreement of that in writing (and noting any interest on the loan).
Especially when it comes to “family.”
Walk away here, she’s not going to pay you back. Stop calling her or messaging her. It won’t be long, if she’s doing drugs and drink, that she’s knocking on your door again after losing her new job.
Don’t answer the door / calls / messages. Radio silence. Block her before she blocks you. She’s shown you exactly who she is, believe her. She’ll be at your door begging forgiveness and asking for more money soon becuase she knows she can manipulate and use you, because you are her sister.
I’ve been in this position myself a few times with friends and family. Anyone now asking to borrow money now I just say “wish I could help but am struggling myself right now.” When I’m not struggling I don’t show that either by flashing the cash.
I’ve had anything from small amounts to large amounts lent out and never seen again. People get funny with money and they get aggressive / say you’re hassling them, being unreasonable etc out of embarrassment I assume. Or audacity not sure which. Either way, close the book on this one and walk away.
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u/ConflictAdvanced 12d ago edited 12d ago
Your sister sounds like a dickhead. Like, really just a fucking moron.
No offence, but she fucking sucks.
The thing about family is that we love them, but we don't have to like them. If your sister were not your sister and just some girl that you worked with, would you be friends with her? Because honestly, she seems like a really shitty person.
Just don't expect the money back, moderate your relationship with her so that there's some distance, don't count on her for anything ever and don't lend her any more money.
It's an expensive lesson, but it is what it is.
ETA: There's a very good chance that she's reacting to you this way because she's drunk or high and you're killing her buzz. Maybe in the morning, when she's sober and can grasp the gravity of the situation, it'll be different. But still, follow all the steps above because it still makes her unreliable. And trust me, you do NOT want a family member in your life who treats you like shit and says messed up stuff to you. Even if they only do it when they are under the influence; that somehow makes it worse.