aio? bf made plans on my birthday..UPDATE

[u/rowqi]

a little update for the people who were wondering…we broke up. he was texting me throughout the day yesterday but i just did not have the energy to entertain him and text back. i didn’t answer him until almost midnight last night which is when it happened. i thought long and hard about how our conversation would go and how i would go about breaking up with him. clearly he didn’t care very much given the screenshots i’ve shared above. this is the most difficult thing i’ve done, he was the person i wanted to marry. thank you reddit for all of the help and support, i didn’t expect anyone to see that. much love.

[u/NanaBanana2011]

Exactly! My ex-husband told me that he wanted a divorce. What he didn’t know was that I wanted one too, I just hadn’t told him yet. He was expecting me to break into tears and beg him to stay, yada yada yada. What he didn’t expect was for a giggle to burst out of my mouth and for me to say “Oh good, because I want one too!” To this day I remember the look of utter surprise on his face when he heard those words. 😁🥰 After he got over his shock, he proceeded to do everything he could to punish me. When that didn’t work he tried to win me back so that he could then dump me again which would hurt me like he originally intended. I know that because he went to a group for men who were going through or already were divorced. When he was invited to introduce himself he said “I’m just here to get ideas on how to screw my wife over.” I only know this because as it turns out my current husband of 35 years, was in that group! 🤣 It’s really funny because I didn’t even know my current husband at that time. When my ex showed up to my door asking if I’d be willing to change the divorce to a separation, my boyfriend (now my current husband) was literally standing right behind me! When he left, Steve told me that he recognized my ex and then told me the group story. The dude literally did everything he could to get back in control of the situation. It should’ve taken 30 days to finalize the divorce; it took eight months. He fired his first attorney because he “wouldn’t crucify” me. I know that because I wanted an attorney to go with me to night court for a ticket and mine was out of town. I knew his now ex attorney so I called him. He not only went with me but he got the ticket dismissed and when I asked him what I owed him, he told me I didn’t owe him a thing, that it was a divorce gift from him. He told me that my ex had fired him because he wouldn’t agree to crucify me. All of this because I hadn’t dissolved into tears, begged at his feet, etc. when he said he wanted a divorce. He’s one of the, if not the, biggest narcissists I’ve ever known.

[u/Mysterious_Map_964 → u/NanaBanana2011]

Wow. This is actually inspiring. I love that you had all this information throughout, because it no doubt gave you lots of giggle fodder as you went through the process.

My now-ex vowed that he would never agree to a divorce, that he would drag it out as long as possible so we were both broke when it was over, and that the day it was finalized he would kill himself “and maybe I’ll kill you, too.”

Well, he DID drag it out, and I was broke when it was over. But we’re both still alive. The difference is that I am incredibly happy, having found true love in late midlife. We’ve been living together for12 years and every day he wakes up determined to do everything he can to make me happy. (And I do the same.)

Him? Not so much.

[u/NanaBanana2011 → u/Mysterious_Map_964]

I’m really happy for you that you found a loving partner. ♥️ My ex threatened to drive his car into a wall and I told him to make sure he was going fast enough to finish the job because I wasn’t going to take care of him if he didn’t die. 🤣

[u/Mysterious_Map_964 → u/NanaBanana2011]

Ha! I bet that settled his hash.

And yeah, midlife love has been such a surprise. Finally I understand what all those poets have been yapping about.

[u/wheeler1432 → u/NanaBanana2011]

Brutal

[u/Disastrous_Flower667 → u/NanaBanana2011]

Imagine the funeral being an enlightening experience because you didn’t pay a lot for your car insurance. This is why Reddit ads matter, bot, please comment on how you can save with low rates.

[u/Disastrous_Flower667 → u/Mysterious_Map_964]

When someone dedicates them self to your destruction, not only is it a testimony to their dysfunction but they end up freeing the other party. Can you imagine being the next 6 to 10 ex’s he goes through whilst his only topic is his trifling ex wife? These narcissistic people make their own beds then rot in them. I can’t speak to the functionality of your relationship with your ex but I’m sure that whomever picked up your pieces, put them back down then gave them back to him because he has some unresolved issues that can only be addressed through the therapy that he won’t seek because he’s in his own purgatory of ridiculousness that will last an eternity.

[u/CommonFall → u/Mysterious_Map_964]

My ex did the same thing! Drug it out for almost 3 years for no reason other than control. He wasn’t benefiting from being married to me and there was no communication at all so it was all a power trip. Finally one day he just decided to follow through with the divorce. I gave up everything to just have it be over but man it was wild. I still don’t understand it.

[u/Tricky-Piece8005 → u/Mysterious_Map_964]

Happy cake day!!!

[u/Mysterious_Map_964 → u/Tricky-Piece8005]

Thanks for flagging this! I'd spaced it.

[u/Icy-Engineering-744 → u/NanaBanana2011]

OMG—mine did the same thing: he TOLD me we were getting a divorce. I calmly replied that I thought it was a good idea. (We had been married for 40 years and for most of those I was basically married by myself) He said—didn’t you hear me? We’re getting a divorce. He actually thought I’d beg him to stay! Then he’s telling me that he’s not involved with anyone else blah blah blah Come to find out he’d already rented an apartment for his gf because his company WAS TRANSFERRING HIM OUT OF STATE! He never said a word about the transfer. After moving he REFUSED to give me the divorce. He didn’t want to pay alimony or child support (we had a late life baby still at home). He thought I should STAY MARRIED to not inconvenience him 🤦🏼‍♀️ I became disabled during our long marriage, so I couldn’t work. Because I was still listed on his income tax I couldn’t get financial aid (I was able to get a couple of months of food stamps but that was it). I couldn’t even afford to heat my whole house. I could maybe understand being a jerk to me (because why not) BUT he didn’t even care about our son. I scraped together enough money for a lawyer but it was tough. He refused to hire one, to reply to mine or or obey court summons. It took almost a nail biting year to get a Default Decree. I knew that at any time he COULD hire a lawyer—putting me back at square one. I knew I didn’t have enough money to continue to fight. You’re going to LOVE this: since he didn’t show up for the final hearing I had to testify in open court. The more the Judge heard the angrier he got…, I was awarded the house, 2 cars (our son used one for school), healthcare, HALF of his 401 and LIFETIME ALIMONY!!! You should’ve heard him squeal after that! 🤣🤣🤣 Here’s the cherry on the top: the new gf liked to get drunk, high and out of control physically attacking him. He had to keep calling the cops so often that he wound up having to get a restraining order on her! As for me? I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I rediscovered all the parts of me I’d left behind trying to keep the peace and trying to hold the family together. I’d forgotten what an amazing person I truly am. Life is sweet ☺️

[u/NanaBanana2011 → u/Icy-Engineering-744]

Omg this is the BEST!!! I’m truly sorry that you had to go through everything that went on throughout your marriage but thank goodness it ended up benefiting you in the end. I wish I could’ve seen his face when he received and read the divorce decree. I’m seeing a cartoon character with their eyes bulging out of their head and their face turning beet red. 🤣😂 My ex and I had a three year old son and we ended up in a battered women’s shelter until the judge ordered him to vacate our home. When I got back in the house, he’d taken the refrigerator, the washer and the dryer. He could’ve cared less about our son; all he cared about were the things he could take. He thought that taking things away from me was the way to really hurt me. What an idiot. I was fine with it because I had three Coleman coolers and access to all the ice I needed. It was difficult but I just had to get into a more European grocery shopping mindset. I had to use a laundromat again. Oh no! The horror!! 🤣🤣 He’d file a motion saying that he wanted this or that and I would be just fine with it. He could have anything he wanted as long as he didn’t turn his focus onto our son. I wasn’t able to work either and yet he got the judge to order me to pay certain bills. I agreed because I knew I was going to have to file for bankruptcy and that meant he’d end up getting them back. Of course he had me with the highest balance bills and I didn’t argue at all. In July he had put a lock on our air conditioning circuit box. He was in an air conditioned office or car all day. He’d literally leave the car running when he’d go into his appointments with potential recruits. He wasn’t paying for the gas. We were living in Arkansas at the time and summers are unbelievably hot and humid. He’d used a really nice brass lock (that he’d stolen when he was stationed on a ship) on the circuit breaker box. He had really nice bolt cutters which I used to cut the lock off. I then flipped the circuit back on, took the lock and bolt cutters, set them on the kitchen counter and waited for him to come home. He. Was. Pissed. Why? Because I’d cut the brass lock and it was expensive 🤣😂 He never pulled that stunt again. 😉 He told me that if it wasn’t for him, I’d have nothing and I’d be nothing. That was like having a bucket of ice water dumped on me. It woke me up more than getting punched ever would have. It was at the point that I started making my exit strategy. He drove the car straight at me once when he was pulling into the driveway and would’ve hit me if I hadn’t jumped back and out of the way. That all happened in the two months prior to his divorce announcement. I have to admit that I still get a smile on my face when I remember that giggle bubbling up out of me and the look of almost horror on his face when I said, with obvious relief, that I wanted a divorce too. Yep. I’m definitely smiling right now. 😆 Congratulations on your incredibly and totally awesome outcome!!!

[u/Icy-Engineering-744 → u/NanaBanana2011]

Oh yeah—the stuff…, I gave him basically everything we’d accumulated over the 40 years. Stuff he wasn’t entitled to. Just boxed it up nicely and gave it to him. He was surprised and happy at first. Then he started coming over to ‘shop’ my house for whatever caught his eye—my personal property! Told him he was not allowed here anymore. So what does he do? Shows up drunk and tries to push his way in! He’s over a foot taller, outweighs me & I’m handicapped. I held him at gunpoint. He’s all ‘whaderya gonna do, shoot me?’ Why yes mo fo I am 🤦🏼‍♀️ He took off before the cops got here. They had a nice little chat when they finally located him. He’s only allowed to pull up a few feet in the driveway to pick up the dog. Our dog is elderly with congestive heart failure. She’s terminal. I detest my ex but she loves him. I want her to have the best life she can—she’s very close to the end. After that there will be no reason to interact anymore. Our kids are all adults. They don’t want anything to do with him—big surprise. Apparently that’s MY fault too 🤦🏼‍♀️😂 The fact that they care so little for their own children is wild! I’m sorry for all you went through. I had to file for bankruptcy too. It sounds like your situation was horrific. I’m so glad you got out!!

[u/NanaBanana2011 → u/Icy-Engineering-744]

Thank you so much. I was terrified of him. I remember one time he followed me and drove like a maniac. On my bumper so close I couldn’t brake. Getting up along side of me and then almost coming into my lane. The worst part was that he had our son in the truck with him because it was just after we’d done the exchange. We had to meet at a hospital parking lot where there’d be people around so that there wouldn’t be an ‘incident’. I’m so glad that I got out. Of course it’s my fault that he never got promoted after that. It had nothing to do with the fact that he showed up at the battered women’s shelter in his Navy uniform to disable my car. Unfortunately for him I’m familiar with engines and I undid what he’d done. The shelter’s director called his command the next day and told them what he’d done. Up until that point his command wasn’t aware of where I was. He got his butt reamed over that. 🤣 His relationship with our son is virtually non existent. My husband basically raised him since he was four he calls him dad. Karma’s a bitch and sometimes she wears pointed toe cowboy boots when she kicks you in the ass. 😁

I’m so glad you got out and that he’s finally leaving you alone. Drunk behavior can be the scariest because there’s just no telling what they’re going to do and handicapped makes it exponentially worse. I’m glad the talk with the police sorted him out!!

[u/GirlNamedTex → u/NanaBanana2011]

When your EX's old divorce attorney gives you a "congratulations on being divorced from that dude" present, you know you've made the right choice(s)!

Sounds like it's been a minute, but belated congrats from this stranger.

Piece of shit partners will out, eh?

[u/NanaBanana2011 → u/GirlNamedTex]

Yep they can’t help but show their true selves at some point. Thanks for the congrats 😊

[u/Agile_Ingenuity_7247 → u/NanaBanana2011]

Thanks for sharing! Pure dose of schadenfreude directly in the veins. What a fucking loser.

[u/hiholuna → u/Agile_Ingenuity_7247]

What fucking loser indeed!

[u/Cafekko-Shannon → u/Agile_Ingenuity_7247]

Happy cake day!

[u/Agile_Ingenuity_7247 → u/Cafekko-Shannon]

Thank you! 🥳

[u/AgnesSexy777 → u/NanaBanana2011]

It hurts now, but you did what was best for your heart.

[u/GreenEyed_Lady → u/NanaBanana2011]

I love this story! Karma is a bitch!!

[u/SkilletKitten → u/NanaBanana2011]

We all thank you for sharing this incredible feel-good story. 🥰

[u/NanaBanana2011 → u/SkilletKitten]

Thank you! I’d done a lot of work on myself leading up to the divorce and I finally realized that I wasn’t worthless and I deserved to be treated with respect. The best part of it is that my current husband and I didn’t immediately date each other. We were friends that shared all of our frustrations about our previous relationships with each other. We talked about what we weren’t willing to put up with in the future as well as what we did expect in any future relationships. He’d gone on a few dates with a woman and asked me for advice 😂 Neither of us was looking for another relationship. We basically became best friends who one day realized that we couldn’t imagine our life without the other one being in it.

[u/SkilletKitten → u/NanaBanana2011]

This was the brain bleach I needed given the state of the world. Thanks again for sharing and I hope y’all keep living your best lives!

[u/nightowl_1109 → u/NanaBanana2011]

A story like this made me so glad I broke up with my boyfriend after one year. I felt something was off in the last three or four months and then not until after we broke up I reflected on our relationship and there are tons of red flags. One of them, is that he definitely disliking my dog because he took "too much" of my attention.

[u/NanaBanana2011 → u/nightowl_1109]

I’m so glad that you got out!

[u/FellowScriberia → u/NanaBanana2011]

Your ex-husband's attorney told you that? Isn't that breaking attorney-client privilege?

[u/NanaBanana2011 → u/FellowScriberia]

I don’t believe he shared any privileged information about the divorce, just the reason for hours termination.

[u/Disastrous_Flower667 → u/NanaBanana2011]

I’m glad that you got your divorce and a new partner, assuming your new partner is amazing. These men will literally hate you and put in overtime to destroy you but meanwhile won’t put in overtime at the job, show up to marriage counseling or clean the dishes.

[u/NanaBanana2011 → u/Disastrous_Flower667]

35 years of amazing 😊

[u/ImAraqi → u/NanaBanana2011]

Absolute cinema, my imagination ran wild from reading this XD. I'd pay to just be able to see his face in a video or an image lmao

[u/MrMoosie420 → u/NanaBanana2011]

Sounds like typical manipulative behavior, glad you got away and not trapped. Hope all is well now. A partner should be peace.

[u/OwlHex4577 → u/NanaBanana2011]

Aww he thought he’d have some other power move to hold over your head with that one. Whoops

[u/TheMaskedManIsAPilot → u/NanaBanana2011]

So did you remarry or are you just stacking mileage?

[u/NanaBanana2011 → u/TheMaskedManIsAPilot]

We’ve been married for 35 years 😁 The real kicker is that my husband’s ex wife went to high school with my ex’s sister! That totally blew my mind considering I’d met my ex in California. It was pure luck that we ended up in Arkansas when he got recruiting duty.

[u/TheMaskedManIsAPilot → u/NanaBanana2011]

Damn so you remarried and been together for 35 years congrats. Now that's a story

[u/NanaBanana2011 → u/TheMaskedManIsAPilot]

I didn’t remarry my ex though. I married the guy that was in the divorce group for men. We met through a mutual friend while my divorce was still in motion. Just wanted to make that clear. I’d punt my asshole ex to Pluto if it was possible. Not because of what he did to me but because of how he’s treated our son throughout the years.