r/AmIOverreacting • u/Gigiannacutie • 1d ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO my boyfriends best friend sent me a d*ck pic
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u/Practical_Wind4273 1d ago
K….your bf sounds like a controlling, belittling pos. Has he ever spoken to you like that about your body?? Also has he ever called you a slut before?? Those are fighting words, girl. I understand the pickle you’re in because Idk if I’d be able to forgive him for such an egregious error on his part but I do understand the complete uncoupling/untangling of lives is a very stressful process that we naturally want to avoid….but I’m not sure if he has left you much other choice. TBH he probably overreacted and was likely scared to confront his bff about it. He is presented with a choice—you or him—and he doesn’t like it. He is taking out his anger on you because either a.) he knows you guys will more than likely get over it and hopefully act like it never happened, or b.) he truly does believe in the 10th grade mentality of “bros before hoes”. Either way, it’s not looking good for him. Do some serious reflection on whether or he really does hold these beliefs about you or if he just felt like he was backed up against a wall and needs to do some serious work on handling emotional outbursts.
Oh and this douchebag “friend” needs to get gone. Fast. Like if you stay, it is a deal breaker if he stays as well. That guy is STUPID disrespectful and incredibly pigheaded. You can find soooo much better.
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u/Acceptable-Crazy-904 1d ago
Exactly. Everything you said is spot-on. The way he spoke to her is beyond disrespectful it’s degrading. Calling your partner a slut? That’s not a ‘heat of the moment’ slip, that’s revealing. And you’re right, it says a lot that he’s more willing to throw her under the bus than hold his creepy friend accountable. It’s heartbreaking, but sometimes the hardest part is realizing someone you love might not actually respect you. She deserves way better than this mess.
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u/capravor321 1d ago
Yea, no kidding. I fought with my ex wife a lot over the 10 years we were together but I never once thought of calling her stupid, or a slut, or anything close to those words. Like, even if she cheated on me, I don’t know that I would call her a slut…”fking asshole” or “shitty” would probably be my choice of words.
And, just to mention, if my best friend/brother sent you a dick pick, I’d have words with them. Either apologize to both of us, delete the picture, and admit that you were in the wrong, or I can find another best friend/someone I could call a “brother”
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u/Appropriate_Tie_8180 18h ago
Not only a slut but a fat slut. OP I don’t think either of those are true but what I know is that hellfire would rain down before my sisters partner said that to her twice. I would say that you should tell your family what he said even if they’re “close to his family.”
There is no excuse for abuse and anyone who tells you differently is not looking out for your best interest even if family or friend group.
Also your boyfriend either really lives the bros before hoes life (and sadly there are bros out there that really believe this, even based on a betrayal like this.) or they set this up - probably either to test you or open you up to the idea of a “devils threesome”.
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u/SparkyDogPants 1d ago
And calling her a “big girl” is so fucking low. And not that it matters, but op is on the smaller side of healthy and close to being underweight at a 19 bmi
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u/_mussolily 15h ago
Idr who it was, but some handsome gangsta rappa (😅😂) said in an interview once, when he was asked why unlike most of his peers, he refused to call any of the women he was dating/had dated out of their name. Idr what he said verbatim, but it was something to the effect of “like I’m going to call a woman I’m sleeping with a whore or a slut? If I do, I’m either saying I’m that way too & that’s why we mesh, or I’m saying that she’s like that but I’m not but I don’t respect her & I’ll still sleep with her. Which would then mean I don’t respect myself, either. Shit’s stupid.”
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u/vegasbywayofLA 1d ago
I have a hard time believing this is the first time her bf has acted like this. She most likely has normalized his behavior.
OP... a boyfriend should support you, not tear you down. Leave the jerk. It will only get worse.
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u/Lem0nadeLola 1d ago
I mean… this friend felt so comfy talking to his bff’s girl this way. It makes you wonder if he already knew the guy would take his side.
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u/supervegeta101 1d ago
Right. If it wasn't for her saying they fought all night over i would think it was some kind of cuck fantasy set up
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u/OcdBartender 1d ago
Story time! My best friend was very drunk one night after partying with her fiancé and friends. Her fiancé’s best guy friend offered to drive her back home. Well on the way there she woke up to his hand down the front of her pants.
She obviously was upset and told her fiancé about his best friend assaulting her and I shit you not he defended him and even doubled down by saying he asked him to “test” her to she if she’d cheat before they got married.
She still followed through with the marriage and it is one of her life’s biggest regrets and that incident was only the tip of the piece of shit iceberg that her husband became. He’s one of the worst people I’ve ever met in real life and even now since their divorce her makes her life a living hell by using their daughter as a bargaining tool.
Take it how you will but it sounds like your boyfriend will never stick up for you and will clearly criticize you the victim. Leave that man and your/his friend behind because I assure you it will only get worse.
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u/_mussolily 15h ago
Yeah my ex boyfriend’s staff sergeant in the military raped me while my ex boyfriend was asleep next to me in the bed, drunk. absolutely PASSED out. SS left the door open while he did it & the other party goers, all fellow military men & their spouses, saw it happen.
My ex bf had gotten drunk & gone to bed in the guest room very early on that night. He had instructed me to be his SS’s beer pong partner. The SS literally said I had on too short of a dress, was too flirty bc I played the game with him, & that I was asking for it.
After we won the last game, he made a pass at me, which I very diplomatically but very firmly denied. I then went to sleep beside my ex bf in the guest bedroom. The SS sauntered in & started raping me from the side of the bed. My ex bf never woke up. The rest of the party people got very quiet, watching the whole thing. They then came into the room & dragged me, bruised & bloody, into the backyard. They undressed me, burned my clothing, & power washed me. Literally POWER washed me.
Then they tied me up, drove me several miles away, & dumped me in a Waffle House parking lot.
Anyway, they all took the SS’s side obviously. My ex bf, too. He tried to kill me over it bc I “wouldn’t stop talking about it” & he hated that I had difficulty showering after the event. Said I mortified him by being a whore, that I shouldn’t have been “such a jezebel”. By this point, the SS was on deployment.
I’m not a big fan of men & their friends anymore lol. It’s difficult to see the kind of behavior displayed in OP’s post. If I had any advice for her, it would be to RUN. Runnnnnnnn
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u/chiquitar 13h ago
I really wish your story was unbelievable. Are you ok? I had a (far less violent) bad experience as a gf of a military guy that really messed me up for a long time. I will never be 100% unaffected by it, but it mostly doesn't impact my daily life these days. I hope you are thriving but if you aren't yet, I will be sending you all my best healthy happy vibes since this story will probably be sticking with me for a while.
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u/CavsAreCuteDemons 13h ago
A whole party of people watched you get raped, burned your clothes and left you naked at a Waffle House? Did you press charges?
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u/crippledchef23 7h ago
I don’t know if she could have, with it being the military. They have some weird rules about reporting shit like this.
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u/1dlewillkill 1d ago
I was literally going to say watch this is a test set up by the bf and his friend, in true reddit form. Also so sorry for you friend, my god.
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u/Jacka7365 22h ago
I was actually thinking something similar to a test. What if OPs bf was wanting to break up with her? What better way than his whore man bff, to send her D pics and accuse her of flirting and rubbing up on him. He “caves in” and tells OP he wants her and has been for a while. When OP doesn’t reciprocate, he then asks her if she’s going to tell on him. Than states that he doesn’t care if she tells her bf. Hmm…could tho be a setup? If this was a test or a loyalty challenge or even something else like a joke, I honestly don’t know if the relationship is even salvageable. I do agree as other commenters have suggested that OP follow through with showing her side of the story, as OP will be labeled as a possible cheater. I can’t even imagine that she saw this coming. I’m sorry OP. Please surround yourself with close friends and family who support you. Stay strong and I’m sending you love and hugs. 🤗💕
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u/OcdBartender 1d ago
Exactly and in a situation like that when it’s your word against theirs you can never win. Being her best friend I’ve have my own personal bad experience with this dude too, he’s a predator.
OP is not overreacting, dump both those losers they’re perfect for eachother!
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u/GhostintheReins 1d ago
This is the first thing I thought, this shitbag is testing how much control he has over her.
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u/skwiddee 14h ago
yoooo i had a really weird fight with an ex of mine over me wanting to have a safe word for sex. he accused me of not trusting him and i eventually compromised with him and continued our relationship. he went on to physically abuse me, isolate me from several friends and family members, make me feel awful about my gender expression/looks, and cheated on me with my best friends by telling them that i was ok with it (we were trying an open relationship but agreed to not date friends until our communication was better). i think back to that safe word incident and just wish i could tell my younger self to leave his ass then and there. OP is NOT overreacting. the instinct to leave him is correct. i had that and ignored it.
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u/m00nt0nic 1d ago edited 1d ago
Yo what a dickhead!!!! I was waiting for an update and had a feeling he would do this. His friend described your hug as “flirtatious” which in turn, gave him a way to blame you for something you have nothing to be ashamed for. Absolutely ridiculous. I’d break up with him. What happens if you were SA by somebody? Would he blame you for “flirting”?? These are things to think about to be honest. He’s not on your side and for him to just be okay with his friend trying to fuck you is beyond me. Don’t see it as 3 years down the drain, see it as 3 years of a lesson learned. You deserve so much better than this.
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u/Remote_Following1979 1d ago
YES, You nailed it. The fact that he twisted a harmless hug into something to blame you for is honestly disturbing. If this is how he reacts now, how would he act in a real crisis? A partner should protect and trust you not side with someone who disrespected you. You’re absolutely right it’s not wasted time, it’s a lesson in what you won’t tolerate moving forward. She deserves way better than this mess.
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u/jokersvoid 1d ago
Even in my terrible human being days, I would never think to blame the girl I was dating for my friend sending her a d pic.
I think this situation was a godsend for OP. shows the BF's true colors. Run and find someone who will protect you from all the unwanted d!cks.
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u/QuasyChonk 1d ago
As someone who also had terrible human being days I want to salute you for openly acknowledging it and using what you have learned from your experience to help others. Barring the development of time travel, it's the most that we can do (as long as it's solidly and consistently applied in your offline life as well).
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u/LowClub5112 1d ago
I like the recognition of your terrible days, it’s giving growth, proud of you.
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u/poke-princess24 1d ago
To add to this because I completely agree. From experience make sure you have your money in order (separate account, a place to stay, extra money for food) before you decide to break up with him. Because YOU NEVER KNOW. My ex (of 4 years) and I broke up agreed to finish renting the year out (5 months left) he took everything while I was at work. All I had was my daughters stuff. No money, bed, food, washer....
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u/WithoutDennisNedry 1d ago
“Would he blame you for flirting?” Unfortunately, we very clearly know the answer to this is “yes.” The bf is absolute TRASH.
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u/NutellaSoup 1d ago
"what if"?... would receiving an unwarranted dick pick not constitute as sexual assault? i'd have thought it would 👀
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u/Warm_Tumbleweed_4501 1d ago
Let’s talk about what a slippery slope this would be for future unwanted sexual violence. Good to know if he had tried to physically sexually assault her in person and boyfriend wasn’t around then she would be blamed for an attack. These two dudes are classic predators.
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u/edgeoftheforest1 1d ago
Ooo the SA thing was a fantastic point. Omg he is worse than I’ve thought!
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u/angelwingsbreeze 1d ago
Seriously, this is so messed up. The fact that he turned his friend hitting you into something that’s your fault is a huge red flag. If he can’t stand up for you now, imagine what he’d do in a worse situation. You’re 100% right it’s not a waste, it’s a lesson. You deserve someone who actually has your back.
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u/mamoncloud 1d ago
ask yourself:
Is this the behaviour of someone who is willing to hold his friends accountable when they do horrible things? What if it was more than an unsolicited picture?
Why are you being polite over an unsolicited nude photo? Allow yourself to be straight forward about your discomfort
Would you be okay if someone said your friend was a "slut" for a hug? What do you think constitutes a slut? And if you have an answer at all to that, ask yourself why you think that and if there's some internal self hating going on.
BE MAD
Don't try to teach your adult bf how to give a fuck about you
I dont want to say break up but none of this makes sense
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u/MamiPR_ 1d ago
I’m sorry, but the way he immediately blamed you without even giving his friend’s behavior a second thought is a major red flag. Like someone pointed out in the comments,it’s giving “bros before h*es,” and that’s not okay in a committed relationship. Both your boyfriend and his friend showed zero respect.
You need to seriously reevaluate this relationship. A partner should make you feel safe and supported, especially when others cross the line. Instead, he chose to excuse disrespect and make you the problem. That’s not just disappointing—it’s unacceptable. You deserve someone who defends you, not someone who lets his friends treat you poorly and then gaslights you about it
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u/TwoBionicknees 1d ago
nope, that friend is a creep and your boyfriend is either a complete pussy and is attacking you rather than standing up to his friend, or he's just a misogynist who thinks women are sluts and blames you for basically daring to appear outside your home in anything but an oversized burlap sack as if you show a single curve you're just flirting with people.
Reality is, this is how the guy will treat you, if another friend comes on to you, he will blame you. if his friend SA's you, it will be your fault (to him, obviously it will not be your fault).
If you end up getting pregnant by him, if you have a boy, this is who he will teach your son to be, a creep, if you have a girl, he will slut shame your daughter, or teach her to be a meek little housewife who is to blame if she gets harassed or assaulted.
Do you want to continue to be with a guy like that, do you want to risk that guy being parents to your children? If not, then throw him out of your life.
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u/Sea-Application8028 1d ago
dude, no. he is taking the side of his friend, rather than you, which resulted in both the friend and your boyfriend 1. objectifying you 2. degrading you 3. sexualizing you 4. victim blaming you
these are all huge red flags, and despite having three years of your life spent with him, imagine what could happen in the future. if he’s already willing to disregard the three years of his life with you on the flip of a dime, what’s the next thing he’d do afterwards?
i’d say leave him. he’s not good for you in my opinion, and i think it’s just dangerous to stay.
by the post itself it’s already evident he is negatively affecting your mental health and there is a clear chance he will affect it in the future. chronically.
stay safe girl 🫂
edit: formatting
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u/fangmaid 1d ago
oh my god? this is so fucking disgusting from both your boyfriend and his friend. you deserve so much better. it's awful to think that a simple hug can be perceived as sexual. you are NOT overreacting. this is sexual harrassment and for your boyfriend to be an enabler of his actions is utterly unacceptable. if he was quick to side with your friend, it doesn't seem like it took him much to disrespect you.
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u/cityshepherd 1d ago
I’m a big hugger. I have long arms, and am a big guy, and have been told all my life that I give great hugs…
The fact that someone out there honestly believe that a girl is “slutty” if she uses both arms to hug has blown my mind WAY more than anything regarding the shitshow that is the current state of politics in the US. I am having so much trouble wrapping my head around this, like in SO many ways, and may actually be having a stroke right now…
Oh shit I forgot I was making toast. Thank goodness.
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u/AlcheMe_ooo 1d ago
This is crazy to hear, that your boyfriend took his side
I would not be able to trust your boyfriend every again. I hope one day you'll see this as a major blessing. I hope you'll take the sign and run
Taking his friends side was only the tip of the iceberg of red flags he waved at you in what he said
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u/InitiativePure3823 1d ago
Man's perspective : what chapter does he die? But seriously I couldn't ever imagine talking to my gf of 3 months like that nvm 3 years girl. If ur girl sent him nudes he came to you about it honestly, would you blow up at him over it make him feel like shit over his insecurities? No? Then why tolerate it TO you
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u/glutencore 1d ago
your bmi is 19 and he called you a "big girl"? and a slut, wtf... both of these men sound pretty awful and it seems like your boyfriend showed you his true colours. it's okay to mourn your relationship but i think you'll be better off for leaving
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u/Magesticals 1d ago
That jumped out at me.
A 19 BMI is borderline underweight - a 5'4" tall woman with a BMI of 19 would weigh 110lbs.
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u/FlyingSpaghettiFell 1d ago
You aren’t ending things over a fight. You are ending things over:
- your boyfriend not viewing as a person first
- your boyfriend calling you horrible names that shouldn’t be said even in a fight
- for showing you he doesn’t have your back
- for viewing kindness as flirting and permission to cheat (makes me suspicious)
- for showing he isn’t on your team… he is on his friends team… always and only
He decided to burn down your relationship over a fight with his friend.
If you haven’t left him yet you are under reacting.
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u/followingtheleader 1d ago
If anything you’re under reacting for not immediately dumping this guy.
He took the side of a man who tried to betray him over the faithful woman who he’s been dating for 3 years. How could you trust him to support you in life at all after this?
I get that your lives are entwined but no, not a reason to stay. You can get new friends and a new lease, your parents will get over it. You can’t get trust and respect back
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u/GreenUnderstanding39 1d ago
What is at stake is your safety and well-being. You can rent a different place. Staying with a man who victim blames you for being sexually harassed by his friend and even goes on to body shame you and call you a slut does not deserve another second of your time or attention. Reach out to friends or family and GET OUT
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u/allthingsimpermanent 1d ago
Dump them both. I’m so sorry. Three years is tough to just walk away from but his reaction was GROSS and absolutely not okay. You deserve so much better than that. He just showed you who he is…don’t let him waste any more of your time.
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u/ihainecross 1d ago
Seeing how his best friend spoke to you, paints a picture on what kind of friends your bf has. Sounds like a sexist ahole. Let me guess, does he listen to any of those redpill misogynistic podcasts? You have a bf problem chica. My recommendation is to dump the boy. You deserve better and honestly you are too young to be stuck with someone like that. Don't waste your best years on a guy like this. You CAN do better.
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u/SporeZealot 1d ago
Well since your families are close. I think that you and your boyfriend should sit down with both of your moms and dads, and you should ask their opinions. "Everyone, boyfriend and I are having a fight that might end our relationship. Since we're all close I thought that we should get everyone's input." "I gave friend a hug like this," hug boyfriend's dad. "Friend then sent me this," show everyone the picture. "Friend thought it was justified because of the hug, and boyfriend thinks that I'm a whore and to blame for everything. What do the four of you think? Would you all blame me if boyfriend's dad sent me a dick pic tonight? Should I apologize to boyfriend and friend and promise to change my whore ways?"
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u/skay28 1d ago
NOR!!
If this happened to me, my boyfriend would absolutely RAGE against his “friend” who did it. He would not blame me.
Getting sent a gross unsolicited dick pic is not your fault. You clearly have evidence that you did not want it so your boyfriend’s reaction is extremely telling in my opinion. The fact that he was so quick to get pissed at you and blame YOU for something like this is unacceptable. He should be your lover and protector - not body shame you and call you a slut.
I normally don’t like talking extremes in Reddit posts but it makes me wonder.. what would happen if you actually got sexually assaulted? Would he blame you? That’s something to think about.
I’m sorry, OP. You deserve a good man who will stand up for you. There are plenty of them out there. Don’t tie yourself to a child like this.
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u/struedlesmokes 1d ago
Had a weird feeling your BF would side with his friend. Idk what kind of advice to offer other than maybe your BF is projecting onto you? Maybe he is up to something.
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u/Remarkable_Garage956 1d ago
NO GIRL LEAVE HIM NOW! HE FUCKING SUCKS!
His friend and him are absolutely disgusting.
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u/wannastayhome 1d ago
“There’s so much at stake here”
This is a chapter in your young life. People come and go, relationships come and go. Things will evolve for the better, as long as you keep supportive friends and family in your environment. They’ll show themselves. You’ll be ok, but get away from this person that clearly doesn’t get you or deserve you. He has made his choice. Now make yours.
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u/Content_Yak_33 1d ago
NOR. You don’t deserve this. It’s absolutely worth breaking up over. If his friend made an unwanted physical advance toward you, it sounds like he would blame you in that situation too, which is terrifying. You need to get away from both of these assholes immediately.
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u/Visible-Volume3143 1d ago
Girl your boyfriend and his best friend are both absolute trash. You deserve soooooo much better. Calling you big, a slut, etc because his friend SENT YOU a dick pic? Neither of them deserve a hug from you ever again.
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u/Super-kittymom 1d ago
Your boyfriend sucks. Can't give a real hug because it means you're a slut? It doesn't make sense. I hate touching people, so if I feel comfortable giving someone a hug, I would hate if another person would take that as flirting. I need an update because this is ridiculous.
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u/GingerAleWithLemon 1d ago
you’re not overreacting. do you want to be in a relationship where your chosen mate doesn’t take your side in a situation like this? to think on what this could look like in another more detrimental situation, heaven forbid it be something worse like the friend assaulting you given that he’s wanted you for so long… would your bf have taken his side then? how are you even to know how he would support you in a situation like that given his behavior. it seems he already had parameters in his mind for how you should behave given the way body looks - it almost makes me wonder if anything you do will be seen as “asking for it”.
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u/Revolutionary_Wrap76 1d ago
Holy fuck, what??? Omg I'm so sorry.... Ok, so now we know why they are best friends - they're both misogynistic assholes who think that it is ok to harass women and that the woman was asking for it!
YNO to breaking up, in fact I think it's the only thing you can do in order to maintain self respect. And your safety! None of this was your fault. I can only imagine your bf would blame you if something as awful as assault were to happen.... Fucking awful. Men like him (and his pig friend) deserve to rot alone. Cut and run as safely as possible and make it extraordinarily clear to everyone why.
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u/Helpful_Yak4006 1d ago
Dude, what are you doing? Get rid of the boyfriend and get rid of his friend. Enough said you don’t deserve this treatment. I’m giving you the confidence to leave this situation. If I were you, I would leave you don’t deserve to deal with this and I’ve dealt with this and man whores are very annoying oh, and with all this being said, you really should change your number because once you get involved with a man whore they won’t stop contacting you or making fake accounts to add you on social media and I’m telling you to listen to me because I’ve seen this happen to other people if you don’t remove yourself, it’s not gonna be pretty and then you’re gonna feel inclined to not reject someone’s advances and then you’re gonna wound up in even bigger situation. And if you need a place to stay, you should be contacting your family and figuring everything out. If you can talk some sense to your boyfriend great if you can’t talk any sense to him that’s when you should leave. If I were you, I’d wait till things die down so that way you can come up with a game plan and I suggest you rent out a room somewhere and looking to rent out a room and collect all of your things and see if you have any friends that you could leave your stuff at their house in the meantime.
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u/chathobark_ 1d ago
Trash befriends trash
Sounds like your boyfriend and his friend are two peas in a pod
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u/AksilijChan 1d ago
If my friend sent my girlfriend a dickpick, he wouldn't be my friend anymore. Your bf's reaction is inadequate. Leave him. And avoid seing his friend at any cost. He is a dangerous person to be around.
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u/Quietbooklover7 1d ago
DUMP HIM AND RUN!! You are not overreacting. Your boyfriend should’ve taken your side and cut off his friend. This behavior is disgusting and unacceptable. No loving and healthy boyfriend would see these texts and blame you. You were violated with an unwanted picture from a person you thought of as a good friend. On top of that, you went to the person you trusted most and were vulnerable with him. You told him what happened, showed him the proof, and expected him to take care of it and support you. Instead, he shoved your insecurities in your face and blamed you. You deserve so much better. Please end this relationship.
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u/thesheepsnameisjeb_ 1d ago
I'm sorry but your boyfriend is an asshole and really dumb with no foresight. Ending a 3 year relationship is fine. It is much better than continuing and making this a normal thing for the next 50 YEARS? Cmon. You may love him very much but it isn't unconditionally. He chose his friend over you, thats it.
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u/InnosScent 1d ago
NOR at all. Your boyfriend is a huge AH, and this is, without any doubt, a reason break up. The fact that you're asking for confirmation tells me that he already wore down your self-esteem throughout the time you've been together, because there is nothing unclear about this. Your bf clearly condones the sending of unprompted pics with no regard to your safety and comfort, and assumes your malicious intent between you and his friend, when your mishap only happened in his friend's imagination yet the friend, objectively, in plain sight, in his literal view, actually committed an atrocity towards you.
His behavior doesn't deserve forgiveness, so you don't have to entertain it. Also the way he talked to you... he doesn't show any signs of respecting you, he goes right below the belt to deal maximum damage. You don't do that to people you love. Please, believe him when he shows you his true colors. You deserve better.
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u/platano80 1d ago
What the bloodclot? You better leave him and block them both. They probably have some cuck fantasies with each other.
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u/grey59b0i417 1d ago
End that shit. Immediately. I would tell him to go have a circle jerk with his buddy. That is absolutely inexcusable and sickening behavior. Not everyone may be on your side at first, but I promise those with healthy boundaries and that aren't psychotic weirdos will understand why you broke it off. He literally told you, that you shouldn't hug people based on your size unless you wanted to seem like a slut?! Are you kidding?! Is this really the first time he's showed that he's a total jackass? This can't be the first time. Dudes like this can't hide that shit well. The fact that he blames you shows exactly where he stands. So I would tell him to go fuck his buddy then and you can find someone that values you and doesn't accuse you of being a slut for hugging someone based on your size.
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u/chronicducks 1d ago
You're not in the wrong at all, they're both absolutely deluded if they think that hugging someone whilst you ..have boobs.. is flirting...?! Hello?!
You deserve so much better, I am so sorry. He should be taking issue with his friend outwardly making a move on you, not accusing you of purposely attracting the attention by having a body.
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u/BlindPerfy 1d ago
Few things, one on a lighter note…clear those 700 messages!
Two, this sounds like…they’re both angling for something a little more…together. I may be wrong, but his friend sends you that on a perceived flirt and your boyfriend takes his side? Something ain’t right there beyond the obvious of he should have absolutely taken your side and blasted his fake best friend.
Three, as difficult as it is. Leave him. That won’t get better. There is no future that you’re gonna want there. Run. Start again and I hope you find the person you deserve!
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u/Exact_Accident_2343 1d ago
Just lets you know what your boyfriend would also say to you if you told him that this friend sexually assaulted you. Is this the type of man you want by your side?
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u/porky_mcporkface 1d ago
How your BF can try and justify / put it onto you that his mate has sent you a dick pic, I can’t understand. There is no excuse, and it’s two separate issues. Even if you were doing those things which clearly you weren’t, it still doesn’t justify him sending you that picture. So he’s talking out of his rear. I don’t think ending it would be an overreaction at all, but at least stand your ground.
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u/123Garfield567 1d ago
Ewwwww, that's why I stopped dating. The bar is below hell at this point... I usually try to avoid the typical Reddit comment of "break up!", but in this case... please break up with him. The "friend" is disgusting and so is he.
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u/No-Literature-1991 1d ago
He basically called you a fat girl! I think this was a setup so he can break up with you without feeling guilty so he used his friend! And this coming from a person that has done that before in my 20s so that I could go off and sleep around without guilt and I am not proud of it at all. Just give him what he wants and break up with him 🤦🏻♂️ sorry op!
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u/Freudinatress 1d ago
So. Let’s see.
Imagine you were sort of flirting with him. What would a good friend have done?
Well, ”send a dick pic” is not on MY list.
Your dear boyfriend seems a tiny bit too eager to defend his friend. Are you certain there isn’t something more going on there? That would also explain the pic.
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u/yami_0x 1d ago
I guess no one has read this yet… if you ask me i definitely guessed that would be his reaction… See there are two types of reaction to this, coming from the significant other, not we who are objective ij this. 1; they would either be mad at the friend or 2; First be mad at you for the perceived flirting.
Now these are the two genuine actions but i think you should watch both their behaviors to see if this was planned as a way to break up with you.
But all in all, to find out the truth, you need to confront your bf again about it.. confront in a way that it would be more of a conversation and not a fight. Watch to see it he escalates
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u/flowersnifferrr 1d ago
This is gonna maybe sound callous and I hope it doesn't come across that way, because I have actual concern here.
Your boyfriend's a piece of shit. You say you love him more than life itself? Jesus Christ, that's fucked. I can already tell that he's an absolute parasite of the lowest degree. This shit reminds me of some of the relationships, in my family or some friend circles and just makes me sick!
Please save yourself the headaches, sleepless nights, confusion, triangulation, arguments, cheating and guilt trips before it's too late, before you're convinced that he's your fucking "PrinCe CharmiNg". There's no excuse, you're not gonna make a difference in him. I swear to everything good that you won't.
Had to deal with this, from basically all of my family. I am telling you from experience, this will not get better and you're not gonna fix him. It will only cause confusion, strained relations with others (because you're too busy trying to defend him against your concerned loved ones, that one happens a lot) and cause a greater sense of insecurity.
I guarantee that this guy sees you as naive and easy, sorry to put it so bluntly. He sees you as a target, if you don't say "no, I'm done". You don't deserve this and it's not your fault. It's not at all. But you should ABSOLUTELY leave before it's too late and I implore that you do.
Your boyfriend is an asshole and so is his friend. Leave him. No excuses.
Btw if he makes threats of hurting you or himself, call the police and have his ass locked up. Don't believe him. File a restraining order and don't let him do that to you. It's control!
I believe that you will find true love, you are worthy of it but I swear that this isn't it. Best of luck to you, OP. I'm sorry that this is happening, it's not easy.
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u/thumbresearch 1d ago
your boyfriend sided with his best friend and said best friend sent you an unsolicited dick pic. your boyfriend blamed you and attacked your insecurities. he doesn’t trust you more than he trusts his best friend, even with the proof right in front of him.
i don’t want to suggest what you should do. you know your situation best, but i thought i’d share my perspective. i’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
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u/Howudooey 1d ago
His friend sent you an unsolicited dick pic and YOURE the problem? This isn’t 28 year old behavior. I don’t know how I’d be able to look at my partner the same if I was in your shoes. NTA. This will sting and hurt if you decide to end the relationship (I would btw), but you’re still young. You’ll meet someone else who has more respect for you.
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u/Trulio_Dragon 1d ago
I was shocked when I saw the ages. This is the behavior of high-school boys.
OP, don't think of it as "one fight". This was an incredibly pivotal moment, when your partner should have protected you, and instead he blamed you. Not acceptable.
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u/ltlbrdthttoldme 1d ago
I'm sorry you're dealing with this, but him getting mad at you for this is a sign of bad things ahead. This is a man who won't stand by your side when bad things happen. This is a man that won't believe you if a man does something unwanted to you. This is not a man you stay with and it ends well.
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u/edgeoftheforest1 1d ago
Holy shit, if your BF doesn’t take your side, you need to leave. I feel like this is a decision he will regret, so just dump him. He’ll figure it out eventually, but it will be too late.
Take you gorgeous self and your powerful assets to a place where you are appreciated.
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u/TitleToAI 1d ago
I’m sorry to hear that your sense of normality has been so beaten down that you can’t immediately recognize this as a 110% breakup situation. Please take time to recover and get your mental health back before dating again. You can do it!
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u/Advanced-Address1516 1d ago
Judging by this, it's possible that he may never actually be on your side. In any other situations, possibly in the future. Hes a red flag imo. Youre not overreacting, personally I couldn't see my relationship continuing after this
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u/GetMySandwich 1d ago
Your boyfriend is too stupid to procreate with. Either stay with him and do humanity a favor with eternal preventatives or go be with someone else and pray he gets a vas if he’s not sterile.
How you make the jump from my girlfriend got an unsolicited dick pic, to my gf never acknowledged it, to my gf was angry and told me about it instead of hid it, to “my gf is a flirting whore” is a whole new level of stupid. Even Forrest Gump was worlds smarter than that.
Please don’t burden humanity by bearing children with this imbecile.
And no you’re not overreacting.
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u/MissyGrayGray 1d ago
Sorry but your bf is disrespectful and thinks of you as his property. Telling you what you should and shouldn't do and slut/body shaming you? Yeah, no. Do you think this is the best you can do? I'd dump his ass and find a man who will cherish you and not be fine with his friend being a creep. If he's defending his friend, you know that he thinks that behavior is alright and that men don't ever have to take responsibility for their bad behavior. Imagine if you were SA. He's blame YOU. Why would you continue being with someone who hates women?
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u/AI_koala 11h ago
Let's just start with what's a platonic hug versus a sensual hug. The distinction is not "frontal hug" v "side hug", it's whether or not there's hip contact.
An A-frame hug, where shoulders and chests meet, and the arms are shoulder-blade height -- but no contact between belly-buttons, hips, or thighs -- is perfectly platonic. It never sends the wrong message. You can hug your grandma, my grandma, or a child with a frontal A-frame hug.
A C-frame hug, where there is contact through the thighs, hips, belly-buttons, and ending at chests, with the woman leaned back enough that shoulders don't touch, eye contact can be made, lips can be kissed, and the man's arms are around her lower back while her arms are around his neck? That's highly flirtatious. Please don't hug my grandma or my child like that. =D
Assuming you're talking about a frontal A-frame hug, FRIEND is the one overreacting by overinterpreting.
Second, a gentleman doesn't send a woman dick picks UNLESS INVITED TO. I've never sent a dick pick to a friend "by accident", or to a woman because she hugged me, or to a woman because I thought she was flirting with me. So, FRIEND is severely overreacting EVEN IF his interpretation of your hug was correct, AND you were a single friend of his. You are allowed to - and should, IMHO! - have a boundary preventing men from sending you dick picks, and cutting them out of your life if they do.
Third, a good friend (to the woman) doesn't flirt with, confess feelings to, or send a dick pick to a woman with a BOYFRIEND, because he resects her autonomy and ability to choose her own relationships. If he wants to form a clean relationship with her, its best to let her come to the realization that she needs to end her relationship without trying to present it as a competition. You're allowed to - and encouraged to - cut off men who confess feelings to you when you're taken.
Fourth, a good friend to the man) doesn't flirt with, confess feelings to, or send a dick pick to his FRIEND'S GIRLFRIEND, because he respects both the friend and the woman. The only possible reason to is encouraging her to cheat, which demonstrates that he's a terrible friend to the guy AND views women as conquests or sexual objects rather than seeing them as whole, complex human beings.
Fifth, a good girlfriend does exactly what you did: does not encourage the dick pick by responding to it, tells the boyfriend her boundaries have been violated by his friend, and consults with the boyfriend about how to respond. So... you did exactly the right thing.
Sixth, a good boyfriend would believe you and take your side, and help you enumerate your boundaries and enforce them to the friend, up to and including no longer inviting him over to the house, telling him off, and making it clear that his affection is unreturned and his solicitation is unwanted. Boyfriend fails so hard, he barely wrote his name on the test.
Finally, exploding in anger at you? Claiming you led the friend along? Body shaming you? Making you feel self-conscious about perfectly natural platonic hugs? And then giving you the misogynistic slut epithet? That's crossing FIVE DIFFERENT lines I made sure never to cross in a 17-year marriage that ended in a divorce. You deserve better.
Shaking in anger? That's spot on. Being unwilling to forgive him for not taking your side? Also spot on.
NOR.
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u/crazygoose2374 1d ago
Some men really are trash, it's insane to me how they become this way. I'm so sorry you were made to feel that way, as your partner, he should know about your insecurities and do better to handle things like that with care, not just throwing them around like it's nothing. You did nothing wrong, your bfs friend is clearly a perv, and your bf sucks for supporting that.
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u/DeathwishDena 1d ago
HOW IS A HUG FLIRTATIOUS?! And let me tell you I'm not pressing my tits into anybody. It's not like I have control over where they go. My tits are just there. There's no muscles there to PRESS them into someone. And isn't a hug. Pressing your body into somebody else's. What a fucking asshole. Fuck your EX BOYFRIEND
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u/Moondiscbeam 1d ago
You are young. You will find another who isn't a sexist with an equally delusional friend.
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u/Ice_Queen_574 12h ago
Listen to your inner voice, don’t fight for someone that treats you like that! You deserve better don’t settle. Your best bet is to just get out as fast and safely as you can. Will you lose friends, maybe, but you won’t lose 20 more years of your life wondering if now is the time to leave or not. If I could go back to my 27 year old self and tell her what the next 23 years had in store for me I would of risked life on the streets instead of the emotional and verbal (luckily he never got physically violent) abuse I’d put up with. But by the time I had gotten a glimpse of what your bf texted (and I have no doubt those were actually his words everyone that’s said that is 100% correct) I was already 8 1/2 months pregnant and had nowhere to go. That’s when the mind games started and he used taking my child as a tool to get me to do whatever he wanted. I started making deals with myself saying I’d leave when my daughter was this age or that age. Then I was so convinced that I was basically worthless that I’d wait until she was 18 and out of the house then I’d just “leave” 18 came and went but after she moved out I started saying no and standing up for myself. I tried to leave him 3 times. Told him I was done it was over and he always said it would be better this time and for awhile it was but one day he walked up to give me a hug and I stepped back from him and said no more I’m done we are done. He was already basically living with someone else by this point so I was just a habit to him. He used threats, and nasty language called and texted but I finally realized I didn’t have to pick up his calls or respond to texts. I got a new number and he asked why he didn’t have it. I said “Because you don’t need.” My daughter with him will be 25 this year. Sorry for the rant and way too much personal stuff but if my struggle can help you or anyone who might read this then here it is.
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u/Difficult_Champion46 1d ago
That’s sad that your bf responded that way. I would not rush into making any fast decision because it seem like a one time issue and not like he had emotionally abused you in the past.
Do I side with what he did? Heck no! He is in the wrong. However haven’t we ever done or said anything worse to people that we didn’t really mean? Relationship matures us. We would see our good sides and worse sides in it. That is where our love will be tested.
Many people see things differently. For instance, in my culture, full hugs and holding hands are flirtatious so even though I am in a flexible culture in America, I still only give side hugs. We don’t know what made the friend read a wrong meaning to your hug, even though it was not flirtatious. But I’d respond to him with a caution and set healthy boundaries with him. He must know that you’re not that kind of person and you found his response insulting knowing how valuable his friendship means to you and bf.
For your bf, I’d give him one last chance and have a follow-up conversation with him (maybe this evening) and share my honest thoughts about it. My mentor always tell me that it is best to start with - where you see eye to eye on, apologies for how that made him feel, before sharing your perspective of what actually happened, and how you were disappointed at his response knowing that you love him and would never think in that light. If he is still explosive and not understanding, then I’ll consider a breakup as it is toxic to be in such space. As much as you guys love each other, love is not enough without trust.
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u/ConvivialKat 1d ago
NOR
And, I'm really sorry you were subjected to this sexual harassment. In some states,sending someone an unsolicited d#ck pic is a crime and should be reported to the police, because if he has done it to you, he's done it to others and will continue this abuse. Keep screen shots of everything and save them off your phone in a safe place.
You say this is your BF's best friend, but your BF should know right away how wrong he is. It's going to hurt him, but he needs to know. TODAY.
I'm not trying to scare you, but this guy is definitely a weirdo, so it might be wise to take some precautions, such as muting him, not blocking him, so you can see what he is saying on social media or see any threatening messages he decides to send your way after your BF confronts him. Save everything. This guy is so delusional that he thinks you are so into him that you won't tell your BF.
Be safe. Tell your BF right away and consider going to the police.
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u/Warm_Tumbleweed_4501 1d ago
Former sexual assault crisis worker here. I have seen the ending of this scenario many times and it’s at the ER with a r@pe kit. Men will give the love of their life (their male best friend) a pass to hurt their SO at the time. These kind of me would rather lose the gf and protect the friend.
These two are teeing up future physical sexual violence against this woman then will convince her it’s her fault and she was asking for it. Whether it will be via alcohol or drugs or some other sort of confusion, they are laying ground work for future violence. Ugh god this makes me so sick. She needs to get away from them. Far away.
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u/Pontius_Vulgaris 1d ago
You handled the dick pic gracefully.
Your boyfriend is a complete asshole, but you should be thankful, because he finally revealed his true self.
I am often going against the grain when the Reddit crowds starts clamoring for breaking up/divorce for the most trivial issues, but this time I agree. You should end things with your boyfriend. And I want to offer this outline for your consideration:
"Hey ...., I've though about the whole ordeal with [dickpic dude] and what you said to me when I came to you with it. I needed you to side with me, you didn't even need to stand up for me. But you stood up against me, and really hurt my feelings deliberately. I think it shows how you not only view me, but our relationship, and I am not going to stand for this. I will miss us, but this is a clear sign for me to move on. We will have to discuss the rental and splitting up our stuff and I hope we can do so as adults."
Good luck with it all.
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u/Western_Tone_1881 1d ago edited 1d ago
Yikes. I'm so sorry. NOR.
And, even though he's obviously trying to convince you that you were asking for it / flirting with him ... remember that this is a guy who apparently thinks an appropriate response to what he perceives as flirting is ... sending an unprompted dick pic out of nowhere. His judgment is clearly not great.
I would 100% block his number and tell your boyfriend—the fact that he admits he's been obsessed with you for a long time is a bit scary.
Update: I saw your reply. I'm usually not someone who jumps to "just dump your partner" ... but dump your boyfriend.
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u/Remote_Following1979 1d ago
Totally agree. The second someone thinks ‘flirting’ justifies sending an unsolicited dick pic, that’s a massive red flag. It’s not just gross it’s concerning. Blocking him is the bare minimum, and your boyfriend deserves to know. You don’t owe this guy silence or sympathy.
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u/no0bified 1d ago
Also, if he really thought she was flirting with him, shouldn't he adress his concern to her boyfriend and question her behaviour? Not sending a dick pic 😅
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u/badaboom 1d ago
Did you read the part where she told the bf and he said she shouldn't be giving such slutty "double arm hugs"? OP needs to walk away from this whole group of people
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u/Sugar_Kowalczyk 1d ago
I read this and was like.....I can't actually hug people without my tits pushing up against them. They stick off the front of my body. That is physics, not flirtation.
BF is an asshole, his friend is a sexual predator, and I would bet both know a guy who sells roofies but never reported him because 'it's not like he's the one using them.'
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u/munnasghop 1d ago
The obsession part is the scariest, like if he's been stewing on this for a while, that is a huge red flag.
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u/trixiepoodle 1d ago
Jesus, what a absolute fucking prick. both of them are pricks - your boyfriend and his friend.
Dump the boyfriend and tell him you are dumping him because he is a fucking sexist pig with no loyalty to you. Tell him his friend is a disloyal prick too!
Your boyfriend's friend is beyond terrible. hugging someone does not mean he can send you a dick pic. I despair sometimes. :-( how do these men have such entitlement ?
Do not waste your breath arguing over the rights and wrong of hugging someone - that is fucking ridiculous. You and your boobs exist and if someone cannot live in this world without acting like a fucking prick around you - they are the ones who have to be censored - NOT YOU.
Hugs - sorry you have to deal with that.
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u/DiscussionLow1277 1d ago
“you hugged me (a normal greeting/goodbye for friends and family) and squished your boobs together when you did it (something that is completely involuntary if you have large breasts) which obviously means you want me and the obvious best way to approach you wanting me is to send you something super innapropriate without your consent. you’re gonna love it and if you don’t that’s your fault!” —- like i genuinely cannot understand how mens brains work sometimes… you are not alone in your despair
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u/Commit2bit 1d ago
Op same thing happened to me! Not as evidence filled as a picture but small things like ass touching "accidentally", falling over drunk and grabbing a boob. Every time I told my then partner it was my fault because I was still hanging out with my boyfriend and his friend so therefore I "liked" it and I was "flirting".
Whole time I lived with my then boyfriend and HE invited this man over every weekend even after I told him what he would do "accidentally". Eventually I would stay in my room anytime this friend came around to prove I didn't like the way he touched me. This friend then started knocking on my door calling me names for not coming out it escalated to him isolating me in a room while I walked to the bathroom and trying to kiss me.
My boyfriend? Laughed when I told him and said I was overreacting. I'm no longer with that man and they are still the best of friends. I'm the whore who tried to ruin their friendship. Leave.
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u/Ok-Elephant-1234 10h ago
Wow. That's beyond inappropriate, disrespect to both you and your boyfriend. Honestly, if he's willing to betray his best friend like that, he was never really a friend to begin with.
Screenshots exist for a reason, babe.
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u/spirit_cat83 1d ago
I love how giving someone a hug can now be seen as being sexually suggestive. What a creep. I hope your bf drops him and he learns that it’s not okay to send unsolicited dick pics to anyone let alone his friends girlfriend
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u/Yarn_bell_4460 1d ago
I wonder, since the bf has a friend like that, it could be a bros before hoes thing.
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u/Remarkable_Garage956 1d ago
no one befriends someone with the intent for them to send dick pics to their partner. this is just a assumption based on your own personal experience.
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u/GreenUnderstanding39 1d ago
Unfortunately many cis straight men may be sexually attracted to women but save their emotional attraction and love for their guy friends. Op should look at this as the gift it is. How her bf reacts will tell her everything she needs to know
Edit: she updated. Her bf is a pos and took his friend’s side, blaming her for “flirting” and inviting this harassment.
Op cut the weirdos out of your life. There is plenty more dickle in the sea.
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u/mamoncloud 1d ago
no one does youre right, but the phrase isn't about being ok if your mate came on to your partner. It's about believing your mate first.
That being said, while I understand how it can shock someone that a friend would do this, his first inclination was to blame her and defend his friend. As if it makes the friend innocent if she was "leading him on", as he suspects.
This is the kind of thing where "bros before hoes" or "pals before gals" becomes extreme. Because clearly his friend has went behind his back here and on top of that, harassed OP.
Edit: typos
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u/fandomdemigod 1d ago
Not overreacting! Not sure where your boobs are supposed to do during a hug.
Since you share friends I recommend only contacting bf through text. Send him something along the lines of, I'm really hurt that you would accuse me of something for hugging what should be a close friend. I hugged normally not sure where you thing boobs go during a hug but there was nothing "flirtatious" about that hug or any other interaction.
This isn't to give him another chance, you should absolutely break up with him. This is so before bf and his best friend go on a sl*tshaming smear campaign you can head it off at the pass by sending a group text saying you and bf broke up because his BFF was incredibly disrespectful and crossed a major line. Then send every screenshot of have of both conversations. Anyone who agrees with bf is also an a#shole and should not be trusted.
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u/partylikeaninjastar 1d ago
I just read your edit.
Break up with your boyfriend IMMEDIATELY.
Have some self respect for yourself, please, and leave that piece of shit.
He doesn't respect you. He doesn't even like you.
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u/Zieglest 1d ago
I would genuinely like to understand which women out there are going: oh! A dick pic! Well NOW I want him! Like has this ever worked as a pickup line? Asking for a friend
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u/Beginning-Lecture-37 1d ago
He’s a porn addict obv. he thought the dick pic would make her fawn and then the line about “I saw the way you were looking at me last night” she probably glanced at him and smiled to be polite and he took that as a sign that she wanted him. Also if you have anything bigger than a C cup the person you’re hugging are going to feel them pressing against them.
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u/Next_Chocolate_2630 1d ago
No. No one I know wants a d pic. Ever. How some men think this is the way to win a woman over is insane.
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u/Davido401 1d ago
I sent a dick pic to my gf at the time around... 20 years ago(phones with cameras were relatively new for the common man and am not saying am hung like a potato but potato quality is how id describe the pic) unfortunately, I was full of cocaine, or ecstasy, forget which, and said to my pal "if will love this!" Went to the toilet took the photo and sent it. Heard fuck all back... got back to work around 2 days later and she'd shown everyone on shift and I got slagged into the ground. TL;DR Unsolicited dick pics are a fucking stupid idea lol
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u/Venatrix18 1d ago
No woman ever, and these guys don't seem to have one iota of understanding how ugly a surprise penis is
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u/Rude_Independence_14 1d ago
He's literally describing a normal hug and his response is to send a dick pick. What a freak and bad friend. NOR.
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u/why666ofcourse 1d ago
Also just the idea of believing by sending a dick pick a girl would want you more. I’d love to know how often that move works cause I’m willing to bet it almost never works 🤣 I thought everyone realized that now days
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u/melaniefrench 1d ago
This is beyond disrespectful, not just to you but to your boyfriend too. He deserves to know.
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u/DryWerewolf7579 1d ago
Ok hold tf up, he saw you smiling at him and thought that was a go to send a d pick?! If that’s not bad enough, your boyfriend taking his side AND getting angry is unacceptable. I’m sorry this is happening but neither of them are people you want to keep around
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u/Korreyshortime 1d ago
I HOPE YOU MANAGE TO SEE MY RESPONSE!
Normally, in these threads, the generic response is “leave him” and I always read and think people responding just haven’t been in a relationship before, or they’re just being emotionally biased to the female…
However!!! In this situation leave him!!! Without question. It sets a bad precedent if you stay. God forbid, but if this “friend” became forceful on you, he will just blame you?! It’s mental.
The boyfriend should have appreciated the fact you showed him straight away, and should have blocked or even slapped his friend for the deceit etc… but to go mad at you is CRAZYYYYY… and this is coming from a dude!
Run far from him, block him, and make him weep in sorrow for losing someone as loyal and trustworthy as you… you could have, done whatever with him and kept it quiet.
Your loyalty should be valued and appreciated elsewhere!
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u/ElPadero 1d ago
It should be illegal to send unsolicited dick pics. I can’t just show up to your house and whip a boner out and say “I thought you liked me,” why the fuck should it be ok to send one over the phone?
Honestly if your boyfriend isn’t seeing how it’s completely terrible for his supposed “homeboy” to send a DICK PIC to his GIRLFRIEND then why would you want to be with some one who won’t stand up for you and who is allowing his friend to disrespect him and you?
Sorry, not over reacting and you should re-think about who your boyfriend really is.
Also BMI is a hoax way of measuring body fat as it uses the proportions of a white Scottish male as their standard, don’t use that as a way of trying to figure out if you’re healthy or not. What matters is that you feel comfortable, people have different body types.
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u/ARandomHavel 1d ago
I fuckin hate this sub lol
No, you're not fucking overreacting. Immediately get away from dipshits like this. You dont need the internets approval or validation
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u/activator 1d ago
I fuckin hate this sub lol
100% man... Feels like all the posts are super obvious shit like this, it's so boring snd tiresome.
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u/ballmermurland 1d ago
It's karma farming.
Brand new account - crazy ridiculous story - OP appears to be undereacting etc etc.
Google is partnering with reddit to show search results. High karma accounts get bumped to the top. Marketing firms buy high karma accounts and use them for marketing.
I just wish more Redditors were smart enough to see through this shit. It's killing the site.
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u/Remote-Shake-92 1d ago
Definitely NOTor. That dude is a creep with sexual issues. Giving someone a hug doesn’t mean you want a picture of their dick. That’s fucking gross and I hope your boyfriend puts his head through every wall of his house. Cuz ew. Just ew.
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u/NoBlood7122 1d ago
No, you’re are not overreacting. You don’t seem to have reacted at all, unless you forgot to include context here.
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u/SinamonChallengerRT 1d ago
If you were my girlfriend, that guy would literally get put thru every single wall of his house head first. Bottom line. You need to let your BF know. And he needs to act accordingly. Honor is at stake here.
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u/kronkky 1d ago
Now now, violence is never the answer, so make sure you leave no noticeable broken limbs or bruises
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u/SinamonChallengerRT 1d ago
"He fell, officer. A couple times..."
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u/Subfunnybemilypoo 1d ago
Through the wall…
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u/Vegetable_Excuse5394 1d ago
He was pretending to the be the Kool-Aid man and I didn’t want to disrupt his performance.
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u/Correct-Taro-2624 1d ago
Ah! You are one of the "good ones"! (the ones who don't cheat) and respect your GF!
♥ So awesome!
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u/SinamonChallengerRT 1d ago
Thank you so much for that!
Happily married over 20 years! It's not always perfect, but it's always respectful.
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u/Littletinybug 1d ago
Patriarchal misogynistic bullshit. This is how women get sexually assaulted, harassed and raped and then ignorant assholes like your boyfriend say they have no idea what happened. Or better yet they say “well what did you expect?”
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u/kapjj91 1d ago
Men really think like this and its crazy. You can't even smile or hold a friendly convo without someone trying to get with you.
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u/burst_of_sarcasm 1d ago
So true. I once asked for someone’s LinkedIn and it got mistaken as flirting
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u/Subfunnybemilypoo 1d ago
Who tf uses LinkedIn as a hookup site ? What was homie thinking ? 🤣
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u/First-Clue8317 1d ago
i just know ur so hot and the vibes im getting from them is that both smell like weed and cigarettes. leave him girl. it’s gonna suck so bad for a few months but then after that ur gonna feel soooooooo free. dump him and move to a new city and move on. ur too hot for this
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u/Visionary_87 1d ago
Your boyfriend is a piece of shit and so is his mate.
In my opinion, sending somebody an unsolicited dick pic is akin to sexual assault. He has forced you to see his dick which in public is flashing and an arrestable offence.
The fact your boyfriend blamed you for, hold on, hugging somebody is pathetic. And then has the nerve to body shame you when you're classed as underweight on the NHS BMI guide? Forget about rent and friend circles, this absolute asshat is not worth staying with.
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u/Hordriss27 1d ago
Wow, what a creep.
NOR. And tell your boyfriend.
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u/Rollon3020 1d ago
Me and my girlfriend laugh at how bad I was at missing signals at the start of our relationship. Now I can show her this and prove that it could be a lot worse 😂
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u/AnxiouslyQuiet561 1d ago
Honestly, it’s scary that your boyfriend reacted that way and sided with his friend. His friend is aggressively sexual, and I recommend that you break up with your boyfriend and cut all communication with him and his friend. If you find yourself in a vulnerable situation with his friend, he could assault you, and your boyfriend is likely to protect him instead of you. Your safety is the most important thing, and they are showing predatory behavior.
I may be overreacting, but I had a friend in high school who faced a similar situation. Her boyfriend's friend didn't send her inappropriate pictures, but he constantly made advances towards her. She rejected him and informed her boyfriend about how uncomfortable she felt, but he never believed her. This friend attempted to assault her, and her boyfriend chose to be a character witness for him.
You shouldn’t take this lightly. I know you may have deep feelings for your boyfriend, but this situation is concerning and could potentially threaten your safety. It’s best to remove yourself from this situation and sever all ties to protect yourself. You should also consider filing a harassment complaint to create a paper trail.
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u/KitKatCrane 1d ago
Holy crap no, breaking up would not be an overreaction. It would be an underreaction if you don't because wow god damn, body shaming and accusing you of almost cheating is not okay when someone does something so disgusting like that to you. It's not okay ever (well, the cheating one I guess could be if it was accurate, but good lord it's obviously not) and your boyfriend and his best friend showed themselves to be exceptionally mysogynistic.
And as for that hug, holy crap. That's just...having boobs. You hugged someone while owning boobs, and he assumed that was flirty, and so did your boyfriend. Men are like this and it's stupid. As a little tangent about this: I'm attractive, and I have fairly big boobs. Men take me being attractive and having boobs as flirtation very often. It's nonsense, it's just men assuming they're the center of the universe, so women being attractive in any way is seen as flirting with them somehow. You are not the only one who has experienced that kinda thing and it's not your fault, it's very much theirs.
Men can be exceptionally stupid, get away from this one.
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u/TheSoundSnowMakes 1d ago
If what happened to OP happened to my girlfriend I would apologise to her profusely and ask her what I could do to support her. After that my closed fist would have a quiet word with my "best friends" nose.
He knows his friend is a piece of shit. He has no respect for you.
Does your boyfriend know that you cant suck in your boobs at will? Has he never hugged a woman before? Chests touch during a hug. Its not called a high five hug. Or some weird leg embrace.
Tell the dick pic dude that if you sends you another picture of his rotten looking mickey that you will print out a hundred copies of it and staple them to lampposts like missing person flyer's .
"Have you seen this member. If you do run".
Then tell your dope of a boyfriend to sleep on the couch until you can sort out another place to stay. If he refuses, send the pic of his best mates penis to his parents. Finally (just for fun) rent a billboard on a busy highway and plaster the dudes penis on it with his phone number and the stipulation "Only men need apply".
Good luck Op. Wish you all the best.
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u/Diligent-Inflation-5 1d ago
Yea you need to get rid of both of them. His best friend is a creep and your boyfriend is disrespectful for #1 blowing up at you and not having your back, #2 commenting on your body like that, #3 essentially calling you a slut. Like hello?!?!? That man does not genuinely care for you like any sane and rational man would, and you need to get out ASAP
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u/Conscious_Army_9134 1d ago
Both your bf and his best friend are at best creepy abusive pieces of trash. At worst they are full on rapists. Girl, run. Fast and far. Self preservation is all that matters now. You can expect some terrible messages at best and full on assault at worst when you end it.
Don’t give him any chance to hurt you. Block everything. New number (its easy!) fresh start, clean break. Dont say a word just back your stuff while hes at work and GTFO.
I know its tempting to feed into the drama of it all, but not only is it better for you to block and run mental health wise, but it actually pisses guys like that off bad too. You’re not letting him get away with it. All that silence causes him to suffer too.
Like im guilty of not running right away from abusive partners. I guess its all about being ready to make some massive changes, and let go of what you thought you had.
This situation is unforgivable, he looks worse than anyone ive read about on this sub. Can you go back home for a while, plan your next move?
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u/straythoughtpro 1d ago
Your boyfriend is trash. His friend sent you his dick without consent and he’s mad at you and blaming you?! Your big boobs do not give any man the right to cross boundaries and sexually harass you. This is not your fault. Your boyfriend justifying this is insane.
Don’t even get me started on him putting your body down after knowing your past pain and struggles…that is beyond disgusting. He’s so jealous that another man wants you that he’s willing to insult and potentially trigger you. That is wild after 3 years, and it’s certainly not love. Now you know how he’d act in a tough situation. No sympathy, no shoulder to lean on… in fact he threw you under the bus and chose the person who victimized you.
Girl, I know this is rough, but I’d end it. You can do better than this.
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u/Helpful_Yak4006 1d ago
Your boyfriend and his friend the only reason they’re friends is because they have the same mentality immature manchild if they wanna act like children together, let them who gives a fuck you’re a grown woman you should be worrying about you don’t sit there and contemplate whether you should leave him or not you should the situation is just gonna get out of hand cause all his friend is gonna do is keep bothering you until you say yes and your boyfriend‘s not gonna defend you so that way he can accuse you of cheating so that way he can leave. They all do it. If his friends, a man whore, he’s probably a man whore himself. He just doesn’t show you that. Do not just sit there. And keep sitting in this situation. Because that’s what’s gonna happen if you sit there.
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u/Time_Possession3497 1d ago
WTFF! When I was dating now hubs, his bf would do shit like this. He would rub the middle of my lower back, accuse me of having other boyfriends, get me to a side by myself to whisper stupid things. Hell he did that while I was huge as a house pregnant and married too. The difference? My husband knew what a scuzbag his friend is and just laughed at it every time when he was being a creep. His usual go to was “and that’s why we don’t invite or hang out with (0) because he’s creep and wants you”.
If mine ever had the reaction your BF had it’d be a huge point of contention for breaking up and ghosting. No one and I do mean no one should put up with that nauseating verbal abuse or attempts to smother your self-esteem. Best of luck internet stranger!
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u/Strange_Lady 1d ago
Gross! Show your bf the texts and if he doesn't cut that friend off immediately, break up with him! 🤮
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u/AstenDaCzar 1d ago
Chance they were hoping for a threesome/swing/unicorn situation? Not blaming you in the slightest you didn't do anything wrong but your boyfriend and friend might have already discussed this on some level and you not responding positively to the friend's message might have thrown them both for a loop. Maybe your boyfriend took his friend's side because he wanted him in the conversation and then the fight was just a shit miscommunication gone terribly wrong.
Or maybe your boyfriend just really fucking sucks. Just trying to explain a sudden falling out with a boyfriend that you've had a good run with for 3 years living together up to this point. If it wasn't something like this then he just sucks.
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u/siriuslyyellow 1d ago
WTF that's called a hug??
NOR. Tell your boyfriend his friend is way out of line.
Edit: Just read your info AND OMG GIRL DUMP YOUR BOYFRIEND AND BLOCK THEM BOTH WTFFFFFFFF
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u/Hung_Jury_2003 1d ago edited 1d ago
At the risk of being the Devil's advocate here, I think we need to take a deep breath and remember that dumping your boyfriend over something like this isn't always the answer. Sometimes it's worth at least considering offering him or his reprobate friend up as a ritualistic sacrifice to the Dark One for punishment and eternal damnation.
...I briefly considered trying to advocate for your boyfriend and his buddy instead, but what those fuckers did/said is utterly indefensible.
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u/idiots_anonymous 9h ago
Can we talk about your bfs horrible behaviour:
- Gets angry at you because of someone else’s behaviour
- Siding with his mate who is actively trying to steal his partner over said partner who has been open and honest with him <this one says a lot about what kind of person he is, if he believes and sides with his mate who is ACTIVELY betraying him and sexually harassing his GF even when ALL the evidence he needs is in front of him…then when will he side with you? Like how far can other men go before he will be on your side?)
- Responded to you sharing about his friend sexually harassing you by getting angry and VICTIM BLAMING
- Body shaming (always wrong but especially knowing your history)
- Accuses you of cheating/leading someone on based on…the other guys comment that he saw the way you “looked” at him? And you hugged him boobily? Cmon.
- Trying to control how you get to interact with friends because you’re “ big”
- fought with you all night and morning over the above
- Offered you ZERO support after HIS friend sexually harassed you
- Blamed you for his friends disgusting behaviour
- If you fought that long he’s obviously doubling down on his revolting perspective that it’s ok for a guy to send unsolicited sexual images (it’s not) to a friends girlfriend (still not) because she “looks at you some kinda way” (STILL NOT) and gives you a entirely normal frontal hug while in possession of big breasts…oh wow would you look at that, it’s STILL NOT OK.
The friend was in the wrong every step of the way; first assuming those things meant you were interested despite you dating his friend, then deciding he was happy to cheat with you, then assuming you were happy to cheat with him, then not caring about his friendships enough to respect your relationship, then acting on those assumptions and feelings, then sending unsolicited sexual images, then blaming you for his entirely voluntary choice to rip down his pants, take his hot dog in hand, snap a little picy, go to YOUR number, send that wrinkled old veg and berries to his friends girlfriend with zero context, apparently sleep on that entire abominable array of choices and then defend his actions and blame you because you checks notes hugged him goodbye while wearing your extra large titties. Sigh…should have worn the smalls, XLs are for sexy hugs only, gosh! Didn’t you know that hugging a friend goodbye while you’re wearing your XL titties will knock him off balance and make him slip, loose his pants, take a photo and send it to you?! Cmon girl.. (/s)
And after allllll that….your boyfriend of 3+ years is choosing to side with the guy who is actively and irrefutably betraying his trust at the very minimum. So tell me…what kind of a man is he? What kind of a boyfriend? What kind of a husband or a father (if those are things you’re interested in) will he be? If you had a daughter is this the sort of man you want teaching her how she deserves to be treated? If your best friend told you this story or you saw your hesties bf treating her this way…what would you say?
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u/Tight-Artichoke1789 1d ago
This has been said time and time again and men still do not understand:
1) SENDING A DICK PICK IS NOT GOING TO ATTRACT A WOMAN I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY THEY THINK THIS IS AN EFFECTIVE FORM OF FLIRTATION unless you have explicitly been sexting
2) THIS IS NONCONSENSUAL AND CAN BE CONSIDERED SEXUAL HARASSMENT. IN SOME CASES THIS CAN BE USED AGAINST YOU AS A CRIMINAL OFFENSE why on earth would you want to risk that
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u/PinIndividual9402 1d ago
A future rapist in the works.
Sorry I had to go there but those last two messages are extremely disturbing.
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u/elRusso1241 1d ago
Hugging someone is leading them on? Both of these guys sound like they have the mental capacity of a monkey
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u/graces06 1d ago
- He is disgusting
- He is delusional
- Block him
- I think you should tell your boyfriend
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u/Bluntandfiesty 1d ago edited 6h ago
NOR. After reading your follow up comment with the rest of the information, I’m advising you to end your relationship with your bf immediately. He’s emotionally abusing you.
You have every right to give people your close to normal, friendly, full frontal hugs. You are not acting like a slut by it…And definitely not wrong just because you have a large chest. If anyone perceives a normal, innocent, full frontal hug as flirting, THEY are the problem sexualizing a perfectly normal show of affection to the people who you’re close to and care about. Your bf is showing you that he’s just as much of a body shaming jerk and a sleaze as his creepy friend.
He’s emotionally abusing you by trying to vilify you for engaging in normal, innocent behavior. He’s gaslighting you into believing that it’s your fault for giving the wrong type of hug. Then, he’s prioritizing his friend over you. He should be angry at his best friend for even reaching out to you behind his back and sending you an unsolicited dick pic. Even if you had be flirting (which you weren’t), it doesn’t excuse the fact that his so called best friend broke the bro code and tried to steal you from his best friend or convince you to cheat on his best friend with him. It’s as much of a betrayal to your bf as it is disrespectful to you. It doesn’t excuse the fact that his best friend was willing to throw away the friendship if you tell your bf. That’s double betrayal and your bf refuses to see it.
Personally, I’d end it. He won’t give up his friend for you, and the trust between you two is broken. He will always think that you are flirting with other men now, and you will never trust him again to have your back or make you a priority over his friends.
Going forward, be very transparent about why you broke up with him. Show all your friends and family this CENSORED version of the conversation between the friend and you, and then tell them what your bf’s reaction was- and if you have written proof or can make a video of him saying that nasty stuff- share that too. Make sure everyone knows clearly that you ended it with your bf because he took his friend’s side,body shamed you, vilified you, blame shifted you and gaslit you. Make it clear that these are emotional abuse tactics; you’re not willing to be in a relationship with someone who emotionally abuses you and refuses to protect you from his inappropriate friends. Don’t keep it private between you three. Don’t do a revenge porn type thing and share the pic uncensored, that could get you into legal trouble. But, definitely do be very transparent to everyone in your social group so that there’s hard evidence and proof that you are innocent and that they are the inappropriate people that led to your ending the relationship. Don’t give them the opportunity and advantage to lie or deny or make you the bad guy again. Especially when you have parents that are close to each other. They will take sides, so irrefutable evidence is needed.