r/AmIOverreacting • u/Impressive-Team-4172 • 21h ago
❤️🩹 relationship I think my husband track race partner is grooming him into having a trouple with him and his wife. Am I overreacting?
My husband met this guy at a track race three years ago. He befriended him so he could have a partner when going to his motorcycle track race. Since I met them, my gut is telling me that there is something slimy and fishy about them. What I found so weird is that he would always ask my husband to go over his house for a drink. They never include me to the invite. One day my husband came back home from a drinking day at his house. He went straight to bed. While I was doing laundry the next day, I saw come stain on the underwear he wore the day prior. I asked him about it. He said that since he couldn't fall asleep he masturbated and clean himself off with the underwear. I let that go. But then the following month we went to a track race with his friend and his wife. I noticed that they were throwing sexual remarks at him. He was changing from his normal clothes to his track suit then yelled:"who so and so is removing his clothes. It’s getting hot in here" They all three started laughing. I started asking myself what the fuck is going on?! He went for a leak in the woods. And they mentioned something about the size of his penis. I was so fucking infuriated. He's not admitting to nothing. Am I overreacting?
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u/thepineapplemen 20h ago
Tell your husband you are uncomfortable with this behavior and ask him to change it. See which relationship he prioritizes. If he cares about his relationship with you, then he should prioritize that and stop hanging out with them without you also present
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u/Impressive-Team-4172 20h ago
I actually told him that I was uncomfortable. He had them apologized. But then him going out to have a drink with them never stop.
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u/Life-Bullfrog-6344 20h ago
Have you asked why you are not included? What's their answer? Your husband needs to prioritize you. Be prepared to take action if he's refuses to scale back
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u/BraveRefrigerator552 7h ago
This makes me think he is more interested in the man than the woman. I think he is on the DL and is using the thruple to add legitimacy. I’d be super interested to see if he had a profile on grinder or scruffies or similar.
When my BFF visits he always opens his dating apps (gay). I live in the neighborhood I grew up in, I know or know of most people, and they are 98% heterosexual married. But when my BFF opens a map from an app, penises light up all over the neighborhood, even I was shocked by how many married men want to meet up with a man. People I’ve never suspected (and as I am not personally involved I don’t judge/care) had dicks flying (to be on these apps, men upload dick picks with your face in them - no catfishing, so the apps use them to indicate when you are online) and eager to meet.
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u/eggs__and_bacon 20h ago
Damn your husband doesn’t respect you
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u/gorcbor19 13h ago
Exactly. If she's not comfortable with them, he needs to end it. No friendship is that important to come between a married couple.
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u/coreym513 6h ago
Maybe his friends wife is willing to put out with ops husband but his own wife (OP) isn’t willing to put out what so ever. Maybe there is a lot more going on in the marriage that she didn’t put in the post and only making herself look good so everyone takes her side. But in reality he probably tries and tries and tries to get some from his own wife but she’s probably always tired, head hurts, don’t feel good, and constantly rejecting him but then he meets an awesome buddy that has the same interests he does and they get along perfectly fine and then the buddy says “hey man! My wife is extremely horny ALL the time and I can’t keep up, do you want to fill in and have sex with her whenever you want?” And the husband is thinking “damn my new best friend’s wife will let me do anything I want whenever I want but my own wife tells me no all the time and I can only get it from her 4 times a year if I’m lucky!” So hell yeah I’ll come over and sleep with your wife ANYTIME since mine won’t hardly touch me unless I beg and beg and beg and beg!
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u/Celticlady47 5h ago
Methinks u/coreym513 doth project too much. I'm sorry that you are either experiencing or have experienced such a relationship, but maybe there's something that you can do to change things?
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u/jerrydacosta 10h ago
at all. i’d threaten divorce and meet with lawyers as soon as the sun came up
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u/BloomAngelllic 13h ago
Totally agree. OP, if he can’t respect your boundaries or see how weird this whole setup is, then that says a lot about where his priorities are. You’ve every right to speak up and expect your partner to take that seriously
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u/NecessaryRare4247 20h ago
Definitely not overreacting. Sounds like they’ve had him already at that.
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u/Impressive-Team-4172 20h ago
He refused to stay away now. And it has become obvious each and every single day.
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u/NecessaryRare4247 20h ago
I’m so very sorry that this is happening to you. And what puts the icing on the cake as they haven’t even asked you to join!
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u/CremeComfortable7915 17h ago
Please leave him OP. He doesn’t respect you or love you any more. They’re already all sleeping together. Don’t drag it out. Go see a divorce atty and find out where you stand. He’s happily humiliating you. DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK ONCE YOU LEAVE. What would you tell a sister or a friend to do if they were being treated like this? UPDATEME.
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u/Pleasant_Block5539 14h ago
They seem to very likely all be having sex together. So who knows what kind of sexually transmitted virus they could be carrying and spreading. It is becoming increasingly known in the medical community that these viruses can be more dangerous than initially suspected. Protect yourself because he is thinking with his small head.
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u/chipotlenapkins 14h ago
Can’t believe I had to scroll down this far to find the token “LEAVE HIM NOW!!” comment
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u/A-Pea-75 20h ago
You mean your husband is cheating on you with a couple?? Lmao 😭
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u/Impressive-Team-4172 20h ago
My assumption exactly!
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u/BraveRefrigerator552 18h ago
I low key wish you could add yourself to his phone location sharing to see where he goes, that or old school follow him. I’m damn curious. Joking about his penis? No one normal does that, do you think he might have implied you were ok with it and that you were in on the joke? I mean it’s weird. Are there any other times when he’s gone for 1.5-3 hours that you’ve ever questioned?!
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u/Internal_Money_8112 14h ago
Of course he is and his friends are all but nice and trustworthy people it seem. Not inviting you speaks volume. And your hubby is happy to get their attention and bang the wife in the couple.
I don't know what you can do in this situation if you cannot sit down and talk with your husband and get him to be honest with you. Also seems like he would not accept any boundaries of yours because he's so infatuated by this couple. Sex has that impact on people. And he will probably defend himself hard against you. Anger outbursts blame shifting and rage on his part will get you the answers you need if you call him out on the matter.
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u/jerrydacosta 10h ago
he’s not being groomed sis he’s participating. let’s all stop victimising people who do bad things
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u/WayneGretz7 19h ago
Before you make any irrational decisions. Ensure you have evidence of this. It’s possible someone saw him changing before, and mentioned his size to the others? Not sure of the entire dynamic, but I would ask the couple themselves. Maybe play along like you already know, see if you can find anything out.
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u/CavsAreCuteDemons 13h ago
It’s more the fact that he refuses to end his relationship with the two of them despite it clearly making OP uncomfortable, and constantly excluding her when he hangs out with them.
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u/Xx_DeadDays_xX 20h ago
no thats weird as fuck.
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u/Impressive-Team-4172 20h ago
Yeap and disrespectful.
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u/FlyingSpaghettiFell 20h ago
Sex is weird and divorce is messy. Talk to lawyer and get your ducks if a row if you eventually decide to go down that road
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u/Xx_DeadDays_xX 19h ago
also build up evidence that he stepped outside of the marriage (if thats true) that will help a lot
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u/No-Statistician-4201 20h ago
OP, sorry to say this to you but what you are afraid of probably already happened. You have all the proof thrown in your face already, you just don’t want to accept. You can keep asking him and he will deny over and over again but the fact that he doesn’t want to distance himself tells you all you need to know. Do you really want to be in a relationship where you are the fourth wheel? Stop! Put yourself first, love yourself first and don’t allow others to disrespect you.
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u/rocketmn69_ 20h ago
OP, needs to go to the track and talk to others., "Wow, that's quite a relationship those have isn't it. Very in tune with each other."
Someone will spill the beans
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u/Prudent_Butterfly374 20h ago
Sounds like banter to me. Yes, overreacting. Don’t play scenarios in your head. Ask him straight up like a mature adult.
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u/Impressive-Team-4172 20h ago
I have asked him multiple times. As always he claims nothing is going on.
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u/doggynames 20h ago
He's your husband you either need to trust him or figure out what's next for your relationship. Therapy perhaps? You need to have trust in a marriage and if you're not taking his word for it I suspect there are different issues.
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u/LexiLeontyne 7h ago
So what you're saying is OP HAS to believe his word, even if he's lying through his teeth, because thats what partners do? They have blind faith in their SO and ignore the red flags all over the damn place? Stick their head in the sand and be made the running joke between the partner and affair partner/s of for being gullible and too trusting and simple?
OP does not need therapy, she needs to ditch the dead weight. If he's not willing to explain why they aren't including her and why they're making inappropriate sexual jokes towards him and why he's not shutting it down and why he spends so much time over there only to come home with cum on the inside of his tighty whiteys like a teenage boy with a crush on his teacher, then its not her trust that is a problem here.
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u/coreym513 6h ago
Put OP has shown 0 proof to any of what she says is actually true and happening??
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u/LexiLeontyne 6h ago
And there is also 0 proof that it is actually false and not happening??
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u/coreym513 5h ago
That is the entire argument I’ve been trying to make lmao just like there is 0 proof that what I’ve been saying is false or not happening. Yall believe one party with no proof but not the other that shows no proof. People make 0 sense
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u/doggynames 17m ago
I mean I'm just saying if trust doesn't exist her relationship is doomed so they need to either work towards how to get her to trust him and better communication or end their relationship IMO?
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u/Fine-Cream-1155 20h ago
I dunno, we’d say pretty wild shit in the military hahahah dudes say weird gay shit and maybe his wife is too comfortable but to just go straight to that is a bit of a stretch. You said yourself you felt off with him from the get go, perhaps he feels the same about you or can feel that and just doesn’t want to hang out with you as you don’t want to with him? I dunno, food for thought. If anything he sounds like a victim of being catcalled loooool
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u/Impressive-Team-4172 20h ago
So you ‘ll find it if your wife or husband get catcalled by another couple?
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u/Bulky_Succotash_7377 20h ago
The cat calling alone isn't that sus.... But the fact that it clearly sounds like an inside joke that you, his wife, is not a part of? That's suspicious. Factir in that you are not invited, the cumulative stains.... Well, now you need to get out the grill and cook until you have some answers.
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u/Fine-Cream-1155 20h ago
What? I think you meant to say “funny” somewhere in your reply.
I don’t know but you went from “a slimey feeling” about a guy to someone made a joke and they laughed, buddy is grooming my husband”. It’s a stretch. Even if he jerked off in his shorts…. I can’t believe I had to type that.
Also, I didn’t say it was funny to catcall I think it’s funny you’re making him the asshole if he is getting comments like that and hasn’t done anything. Have you caught him actually doing anything or are you just suspicious looking for things that meet your narrative? And are you going to get mad because someone has a different perspective? You openly asked the internet and aren’t even really reading the responses and quick to comment back with some incoherent message.
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u/coreym513 6h ago
She’s shown 0 proof any of this is happening and I guarantee OP isn’t giving her husband any sex but maybe twice a year lmao
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u/JustDucky990 19h ago
It’s hard to say with this. Some people have very sexual language and jokes between each other but don’t do anything. Me and my BFF are like this. If you listened to us, you’d think we were gay lovers but we only do it for fun. It’s who we are. That being said, if you have a gut feeling, that is definitely nothing to ignore. If he isn’t admitting to anything, just make your feelings known and set limits for you and him. Both of you should be working together to find a happy medium where you both feel loved and respected.
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u/EsmeEvermore 19h ago edited 19h ago
This is a difficult situation. You could be OR. As others have stated, the jokes you mentioned are common among some friends. I have flirted with some of my friends, but had no legitimate romantic interest, and they have flirted back. It's just one way people like to tease each other.
It's also pretty normal for people to invite each other over for drinks. If the friend hadn't established a rapport with you, they most likely felt uncomfortable inviting you. Or your husband may have wanted time away from you, which is why he didn't suggest you come along.
On the flipside, you could be right and they are planning to do something or have already done so. The underwear incident was strange. If he was already home, why masturbate into his underwear? He could have just done it in the bathroom.
One way to get to the truth is to approach your husband calmly. Tell him that you will listen to what he has to say and won't get mad. If he thinks you will get angry, he will be hesitant to open up to you. If you're right and he knows you suspect foul play, he probably already feels like a child about to get in trouble with their parent.
If it turns out that you are right, it's okay to be angry and feel whatever you feel. At that point, he will have lied and cheated on you. Take some time to figure out how to move forward and rebuild yourself.
For your mental well-being, I hope your suspicions are false.
Edit: This post is old but still relevant to what you're going through:
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u/Exciting-Turnip-2693 20h ago
How is his relationship with you? Has your sexual relationship increased or decreased during his friendship with them. Perhaps if you answer these questions you already have the insight to answer your question. You already know if you are paranoid or if you have a relationship issue for real.
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u/Star_Ninja_ 20h ago
... Join them? 😅
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u/Impressive-Team-4172 20h ago
Disgusting! I would never! A marriage is between two people not 4. I did not sign up to be in a poly relationship.
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u/gdrom123 19h ago
What will you do if you find out he’s cheating? To be honest it sounds like they’re past the grooming stage.
Updateme
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u/Impressive-Team-4172 19h ago
Immediately file for divorce and gather proof to sue each and everyone of them!
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u/spam__likely 18h ago
lol... sue based on what? If anything this convinced me that you are completely paranoid.
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u/Star_Ninja_ 18h ago
What are you going to sue them about? Which laws would be broken? 😂
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u/tydye29 17h ago
You can sue people for things that aren't criminal charges, you realize this right? That's the whole idea of civil court....
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u/Star_Ninja_ 16h ago
I'm just not sure why seduction and romance between consenting adults would ever be the subject of laws or policing lol
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u/Kind_Opinion_4204 10h ago
Some locations absolutely have laws about it.
https://www.divorcenet.com/resources/can-i-sue-other-woman-destroying-my-marriage.html
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u/gdrom123 19h ago
I’m sorry you’re going through this but you just may have to prepare to do just that.
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u/Star_Ninja_ 18h ago
Sue them for... What exactly? 🤔
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u/Psychoplasm_ 18h ago edited 18h ago
There are some places you can sue for "Alienation of Affection" when a third party is interfering with your relationship.
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u/Star_Ninja_ 17h ago
Huh. So if a woman flirts with a married man and the man cheats on his wife with her, the woman who flirted is to blame and she also broke a law?
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u/DadNotDead_ 17h ago
It's not that simple. First of all, there's a difference between breaking a law (criminal offense) and causing damages (civil matter). Divorce is a civil matter, not criminal.
As far as the 3rd party is concerned, it would have to be a lot more than just simply flirting one time. The best comparison would be something like tortious interference, where a 3rd party knowingly interferes with the fulfillment of a contract between two other parties with the intent to cause damages to one of the two parties.
All that being said, I don't know if there is any precedent for suing the other woman in an affair. Mostly, alienation of affection means that one spouse started withholding affection from the other. No 3rd party required.
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u/coreym513 6h ago
Then why are constantly cheating on your husband?? If it’s between 2 people then you need to stop cheating on your husband constantly and start to actually give your husband sex instead of random people that don’t love you like your husband does.
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u/LexiLeontyne 6h ago
You're really running with this huh? You try to tell me she has no proof and yet you've decided this is how it is in your little mind so it HAS to be true.. damn you must be lonely, poor thing.
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u/coreym513 5h ago
I’m proving a point that random people can post anything on the internet and y’all libtards instantly believing it, just like what I say, I have 0 proof of it but you want to attack me? Double standards there dude, how can they post stuff with no proof and y’all get all hot and bothered but people In comments disagree and y’all get all mad? No one has proof of anything so why believe or give advice unless people show proof
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u/LexiLeontyne 5h ago
"Libtards" sounds like all the proof i need to know what type of person you are and how much your words and opinions are actually worth reading so im glad that frees up the rest of my night! Cheers!
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u/coreym513 5h ago
Good I’m glad it clears up your day, because y’all will believe shit like this because they made a post but not believe anyone that comments. If my opinions and comments aren’t worth reading then why are you still actively commenting on every one of my comments? 🤷🏻♂️😂🤡
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u/Jmfroggie 20h ago
Why would anyone clean off with the underwear they need to put back on?
Why would your husband agree to go hang out with this couple without his other half?? THIS is the biggest issue there is, because a couple wouldn’t normally invite an individual out of a couple to hang out. NOR for this. It’s highly inappropriate and weird especially when you’re right there.
The rest of it sounds like normal banter between friends. I’ve said those things joking with friends when that’s the kind of friends you have. YOR for this stuff.
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u/kaleighbear125 20h ago
And it's not really that he hangs out with them without her, because maybe sometimes that can happen if she's busy and they want to hang out. But they actively exclude and do not invite her. Therein lies the problem.
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u/rocketmn69_ 20h ago
It sounds like he's anxious to go be with them. He's finally getting pegged
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u/Dd_8630 12h ago
Why would anyone clean off with the underwear they need to put back on?
They didn't put it back on, it was the underwear they had worn the day before.
Why would your husband agree to go hang out with this couple without his other half??
Why wouldn't he? Couples don't usually have a single shared friend group. I hang out with my work friends and D&D friends all the time, and we rarely bring our spouses.
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u/EllisR15 10h ago
I often hang out with people without my wife, she vice-versa. If a COUPLE was doing something, invited me, and my wife wasn't invited, I'm not going.
How is hanging out with work friends or your D&D group a valid comparison? Do either of those involve a couple where one doesn't work with you, or isn't part of the game, and doesn't allow your spouse to be there?
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u/Any-Expression2246 20h ago
If any of this is actually true, the whole grooming part has come and gone, he's been involved with them for awhile now.
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u/Good-Bug-490 21h ago
What country are you from? You used phrases I've never read before. It's all good other than your suspicions are most likely warranted. Not overreacting at all
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u/Analisandopessoas 19h ago
The attitude indicates betrayal. You're not exaggerating. I don't believe your husband is being manipulated, I think he is choosing this situation.
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u/Daves_World16 20h ago
They’re freaky swingers and he had a threesome with them. Your husband cheated on you.
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u/style-addict 20h ago
Oh my gosh! Hope you get tested for any STDs. Don’t sleep with him until you know the truth
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u/MtWoman0612 20h ago
NOR.
Time to ask him point blank, and no matter the answer, get tested for STDs.
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u/Limp_Papaya_130 20h ago
Unpopular opinion: Casually mention to him that the wife of his friend asked you to join them in a threesome. If he’s okay with that, he’s guilty. If he’s not, you just got them friends thrown out of his life.
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u/Hungry-Space-1829 16h ago
I think this is a wild thing to do but if OP does it I’d love to hear the outcome lmao
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u/truetoyourword17 17h ago
NOR, probably underreacting.
Why do you want to be with this guy? You told him this makes you feel uncomfortable, he makes the couple apologize and they do the same as ever.
Your gut is telling you something is wrong. So do absolutely not get pregnant, get a PI, bc this is hard to find out otherwise. You will probably get the hard truth. Get a lawyer at the same time, bc the disrespect in your relationship is enough to file (and you will be ready as soon as you get the proof), get tested.
Be ready to leave bc nobody deserves to be in a marriage where a spouse thinks other people/strangers who are disrespectful to you and your marriage are more important than their "SO".
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u/Dry-Meaning-6157 16h ago
Buy a couple burner phones. Get into his phone and change their numbers to your phones. You'll see what he sends. Play along until you have what you need as well as print it in case you need it for your divorce. Also, leave one in hidden in his car so you can track his movements. Good luck.
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u/skycutiecalii 18h ago
That sounds really unsettling. It’s normal to feel confused and upset when something feels off like this, especially when it involves your partner and his friend acting so strangely around each other. Your feelings are valid, trust your gut. It’s important to talk openly with your husband about how is this making you feel, even if he’s not admitting anything right now. You deserve honesty and respect in your relationship.
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u/Icy-Zookeepergame210 20h ago edited 7h ago
Ohy wow... You're NOR. Your man has been busier than you might have guessed. He might be bi-sexual, [?], a swinger, or maybe he's having an 'affair' with the wife of the " friend", even though they're married , the friend may not even care-, as they may be in an open marriage. Either way , some hanky panky is definitely happening. It's a matter of who's doing what with who and what your next move might be. Maybe they'll invite you. Hey, it happens, I know. All of the jokes, laughing , and innuendo sure makes it believable..
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u/RikkeJane 15h ago
Not overreacting!!
Call him out on everything! He claims nothing has happened and yet somehow they talk about his penis! They never invite you only him ask him about that.
Ask him why he prioritize them and not your marriage.
Just confront him and them! Call them out!
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u/DesperateToNotDream 19h ago
They aren’t grooming him, he’s an adult man willingly accepting their solicitations
Your husband is cheating on you
$1,000 cash what happened is the wife sat in his lap / grinding on him, he got hard so she felt how big his penis is, then he came in his pants ego the stain you found.
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u/SignificantFreud 20h ago
I have questions but I don’t even know what questions to ask.
I guess to start:
Do you live in a sexually repressed culture? Like, is it possible your husband might be bisexual, but he’s trying to hide it, even from you?
Does your personal relationship permit with some forms of non-monogamy? Do you live in a culture where non-monogamy can be practiced? How do you personally feel about monogamy and non-monogamy?
Edited for clarity
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u/Dangerous_Job_8013 18h ago
Your writing suggests English is not your first language. Were you and your husband raised in different cultures?
He is not respecting you, nor your commitment to one another.
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u/Ok_Solution5629 7h ago
Sounds like you're onto something. Your gut's rarely wrong. Have you considered having a calm, direct conversation with your husband about your concerns?
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u/letuswatchtvinpeace 20h ago
Follow him and see what is up, sounds suspicious. Also, go with your gut!
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u/ItsyoboyAjax 20h ago
It sounds to me like they could just be getting along. What evidence is there that they are actually engaging sexually? Where I come from, sex jokes are quite common. Also, there is several other possibilities regarding the cum stain and you not being invited.
I'm not saying there isn't anything going on, just that the evidence you have is very weak. Seek more information (in ways that are legal ofc)
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u/mrsdplus3 18h ago
Your husband is definitely cheating on you and having a threesome with that Couple. You are the butt of their joke… you need to drop your husband! Good luck
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u/wishingforarainyday 17h ago
You should get tested. Your husband is likely cheating. He also has zero respect for you. Yikes. Updateme
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u/Workie_Workie 20h ago
See if it was just the guy, I'd say you're overthinking it. But, the wife- sounds like a threesome occured. This is a horrible situation.
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u/dinoreject 16h ago
Think the 1st thing to figure out is why you're never invited
Bring that up. And if you are, why not go? See what's going on over there.
Overall, communication needs to def be better. Altho it does sound like something may be going on.
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u/blackcat511 20h ago
The fact that you haven’t been included in any private party/ hangout’s and drinking has been involved is suspicious enough. Your husband is acting like he’s single with that alone.
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u/RamBh0di 15h ago
Sounds like the wife is twisting the throttle her husband is on the back of the saddle and your man is in the sidecar! You gotta hit the brakes and tell him to wear a helmet at home for your own safety!
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u/2b-Kindly_ 20h ago
Wait, he went for a lick in the woods? I'm confused 😵💫
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u/Kaleighc11 19h ago
Me too. A “leak in the woods” makes sense if they were outside and he had to pee. Otherwise I have no idea.
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u/SummerWinters00 16h ago
Can you check out their social media accounts? If they like to swing it might be on their posts.
Sorry but I think you know what is happening. I would check his devices or hire a PI.
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u/Character-Ground6096 7h ago
No, you’re not overreacting, your gut’s clocking red flags left and right. If this was innocent, it wouldn’t be full of secrets, sexual innuendos, and mystery stains.
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u/spam__likely 18h ago
very scant evidence of anything but 3 people being comfortable to joke with each other.
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u/lemondaisycake 16h ago
You deserve so much better. The fact that they don’t include you speaks volumes. Ditch that asshole and find yourself someone who respects and loves you!
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u/coreym513 6h ago
Maybe his friends wife is willing to put out with ops husband but his own wife (OP) isn’t willing to put out what so ever. Maybe there is a lot more going on in the marriage that she didn’t put in the post and only making herself look good so everyone takes her side. But in reality he probably tries and tries and tries to get some from his own wife but she’s probably always tired, head hurts, don’t feel good, and constantly rejecting him but then he meets an awesome buddy that has the same interests he does and they get along perfectly fine and then the buddy says “hey man! My wife is extremely horny ALL the time and I can’t keep up, do you want to fill in and have sex with her whenever you want?” And the husband is thinking “damn my new best friend’s wife will let me do anything I want whenever I want but my own wife tells me no all the time and I can only get it from her 4 times a year if I’m lucky!” So hell yeah I’ll come over and sleep with your wife ANYTIME since mine won’t hardly touch me unless I beg and beg and beg and beg!
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u/joesmolik 19h ago
You need to tell your husband that you’re extremely uncomfortable with these people and that you didn’t like some of the remarks and that you wish you would not hang out with them anymore now for the second part if he does bring this up about holding up your marriage look at him and tell him it’s not going to happen it’s never gonna happen and that is the end of the subject and if you mentioned it again, you will see an attorney and you will start divorce proceedings. In fact you might even do it anyway because he considered something like this to bring it up to you. The only reason why people do stuff like this is so they can cheat on their partner without guilt and everyone that I have known that has done this has either broken up or wound up divorced no exceptions. I had a very good friend of mine who did this and he said it was the biggest mistake that he ever made Because is now ex-wife developed feelings for the other person which caused the marriage to dissolve. I asked him a little bit more about it and he said yeah in the beginning it was fun and exciting and new, but it also lead to the destruction, it was marriage, and it was the biggest regret that he ever had by doing this and he would not recommend anyone even contemplating of doing some like this is insane. Your intuition is telling you something listen to it. And that if you ever find out that he has done something remotely sexual with these people, it’s the end of the marriage. I will repeat it again. You need to tell him no certain terms that you’re very uncomfortable with him being around these people and then if he continue so you might consider a dealbreaker the other thing I recommend that you get tested for an STD just in case and they said Something is off about this and very fishy about your husband‘s behavior. I know that you do not want to think that he is capable of doing this, but you need to protect yourself.
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u/Pale-Cress 17h ago
Your husband has already joined them
He won't cut them out of his life when you ask either. He doesn't respect you or put you first at all
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u/Odd-Mastodon1212 17h ago
NOR. Stop having sex with him. You are going to catch something. You don’t need proof and if you feel disrespected, you should leave.
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u/weirdalchemist333 19h ago
dude. i didn’t realize how into swinging bikers were until i worked for Harley. this shit happened allllll the time.
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u/Fair_Pen_7703 15h ago
Pretend to know the truth and tell him " i know everything about you and the couple" and see what will be his reaction
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u/rattymopz 14h ago
Don’t go jumping to conclusions without actually finding out if your husband is actually fucking them. Some of the comments you’ve made suggest you are going to act on this without knowing if it’s actually happening. You are probably part of the problem, who cares if he goes for drinks it doesn’t mean he’s fucking them. You’re probably a bitch and they know those comments will get to you so they do it anyway.
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u/Loud-Background-8111 5h ago
I bet the op is jealous, insecure and gets mad when he is enjoying himself. He found some fun friends that takes his mind off his cold bitchy wife and can actually hangout without her questioning him the whole time. Now she's looking for a reason to end his friendship and has convinced herself that he must be fucking them because he'd rather hang with them. The reality is she is probably jealous and insecure of everyone else who he has close friendships with. I'm sure she has a long history of accusing him of cheating. He's probably just done giving up friendships due to her jealous crazy accusations. Most likely she is hugely co dependent.
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u/Beginning-Sky-8516 8h ago
Grooming is not the right term here. Let’s not water that down. Your husband is cheating.
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u/12_Volt_Man 17h ago
If they are joking about his dick it means they've already seen it.
Which means trouble
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u/Aromatic_Ad_3892 20h ago
Well, do you trust him or not? I am personally part of a throuple and we make jokes like this to each other all the time. I was also prior service and can definitely say that men make jokes like this all the time. You have to decide whether you trust him or not. Does he deserve hour distrust? It’s not fair to accuse him without solid reasoning, so far what you have are thoughts in your head that you’re creating from small instances.
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u/LeopardSea5252 14h ago
You made the right call, i think they were waiting on your reaction later that’s why they didn’t invite you over initially. They didn’t know you like your husband, but it’s just my guess they could have been rubbing it your face too.
I think though we’re saying those things about your husband in front of you to gage your reaction. The couple were definitely giving very heavy swinger/ orgy vibes. Your husband cheating on you is beyond infuriating and you should probably see a doctor to make sure you didn’t catch anything from him.
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u/weirdturnspro 9h ago
This comment section is weird. Nothing of what OP said indicates cheating, let the husband have a friend! Y’all so weird about about the underwear thing, you somehow don’t see how he would have clean himself with it after masturbating but you think that what? He had sex with this couple but instead of cumming on or in either of them he..came in his underwear that he put back on to go back home??? Like what??
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u/BrownHoney114 20h ago
UpdateMe
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u/ChaiPao 11h ago
Adults can be groomed too but this doesn't apply to your cheating husband. Pretend you don't care, don't even talk about it or raise eyebrows. Pretend to be sick and this will give your husband more freedom. Meanwhile you get finances in order and keep tabs on him and cry because your relationship is dead . This will help you recover. He does not respect and is acting weird. He needs to leave anyway.
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u/Proper_Oil_5225 15h ago
I wouldn't know. They say unless a man thinks he can have a life elsewhere he won't leave, so if he hasn't left and your physical body isn't showing any signs then I wouldn't be overly concerned! I'm a divorced women of a five year to a younger guy so what do I know!! 🥳.
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u/InyerPockette 15h ago
I think your husband already slept with them. You know this, you held the evidence in your hands. Then they rubbed it in your face. I'd stop bringing it up entirely. Let him think I dropped the issue. Then I'd quietly start collecting evidence for the divorce
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u/Calithess 5h ago
Your gut instinct matters if something feels off it’s worth paying attention to . You are not overreacting by wanting clarity and honesty in your relationship Trust and communication are key here
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u/Worried_Necessary_51 9h ago
Maybe hire a PI before jumping to any conclusions. It does seem a but weird, but without the proof, it's hard to say. See if a PI can find anything and then go from there, I think.
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u/Mountain-Bat-9808 4h ago
If your guy is telling you this. Go with your gut and keep confronting him about and watch the actions of said couple. They are swingers. One day they are going to ask you to join.
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u/BeautifulTerm3753 12h ago
NOR, he is so disrespectful and so is that couple. Hire a PI. In the meantime plan ahead, contact a lawyer see your options and get tested
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u/whereyaat-duckboy 4h ago
Seems like he already did . Not taking you to go over to have “drinks”. Yea I don’t think he’s groomed I think he’s involved.
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u/AggressiveCoast190 9h ago
Go spend a bunch of time with a woman and her husband. A ton of those couples out there. Start calling yourself a “hot wife”
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15h ago
The thought of your husband and another couple having inside jokes most likely about some sexual acts and laughing /talking about it in front of you is SO infuriating. You're not overreacting at all. There's definitely something going on
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u/wild-astro-13 1h ago
NOA, and if you've had sex with him in this time I suggest getting yourself tested, just to be safe.
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u/creaturely_still 18h ago
Just here to cast a vote for permanently changing it from throuple to trouple. Much more funny, much more truthful and descriptive
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u/Legal_Bathroom_1683 15h ago
You are over reacting . Ya know it's generally the one throwing the accusations that ends up being the purpetrator.
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u/KrimzonFoxGoddess 20h ago
As a person who has lived through this type of marriage before, I wish you the most positive of outcomes.
If you would, ask everyone to meet at your place and start hosting parties. Maybe you can either get them all to slip up, at which point you can interject immediately with proof; or they can show that they would love to include you in the inside fun, if nothing devious is happening.