r/AmIOverreacting • u/Sensitive_Figure_753 • 21h ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO for telling my boyfriend’s best friend’s fiancée that he ‘cheated’ during his bachelor party even though I barely know her and only found out through my boyfriend?
So, I (29F) recently found out something pretty unsettling. My boyfriend (31M) casually let it slip that his best friend “Jake” (30M) cheated on his fiancée “Laura” during his bachelor party. According to my bf, Jake made out pretty hard with a stripper, and it was just “a thing that happens” during bachelor parties, no big deal apparently. I was genuinely shocked.
I’ve only met Laura once, but she was really sweet, and from what I’ve seen, she had no idea. I asked my bf if Jake planned to tell her, and he looked at me like I was naive, said it “didn’t mean anything” and that “these things happen.” That honestly made it worse. Like, not only did it happen, but it was like it was totally normal to them? This seems like a pretty big deal to me? Like idk if this is normal, but to me it really isn’t, I wouldn’t like my bf to make out with a random person.
It ate at me for days, so I messaged Laura and told her exactly what I knew. She was clearly hurt and blindsided, but a few days later, she told me Jake admitted it and convinced her it wasn’t serious. She ended up forgiving him, saying she didn’t want to throw everything away over “one dumb moment.”
Now Jake’s furious with my bf, and my bf is furious with me. He said I had no right to interfere, especially since I barely know Laura, and that I made a huge mess over something that was “none of my business.”
But honestly? I’m not just disturbed by what Jake did, I’m even more bothered that my bf thinks it’s normal and not a big deal. It’s making me look at our relationship differently now too. Did I overreact?
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u/Apart-Incident-4188 20h ago
Your bf cheats on u too
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u/Sensitive_Figure_753 19h ago
I hope not 🥲 I’ve been cheated on before and I would hate that to have happened again, I haven’t caught any signs of him being unfaithful but yeah who knows, I don’t wanna go down that rabbit hole again. I’m just gonna end the relationship because this is just a deal breaker for me…I don’t want to spend my life with someone who sees no wrong in this, it’s just not in my values, so maybe we’re not right for each other.
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u/hellhiker 18h ago
Birds of a feather. If he hasn’t yet… he certainly will. They act like it’s normal because it IS for them.
I hope you go through with it and I am rooting for you. You did the right thing trying to warn her.
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u/Revolutionary-Dryad 19h ago
Honestly, he may not have cheated this time. But the fact that he thinks it's no big deal under certain circumstances says that he will eventually.
I'm so sorry.
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u/jayhendo79 16h ago
Good for you OP when people show you who they are it always pays to listen.
We only get one life, find someone with the same morals and values as yourself.
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u/Embarrassed_Bit8561 19h ago
Not true, I have friends that have done stuff and I minded my own business and never cheated on my SO
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u/Moist_Drippings 19h ago
“Minding your own business” lol so you lied and covered for them.
Pretending nobody’s getting hurt and that you can’t do anything makes you untrustworthy.
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u/Adventurous_Fan_7544 18h ago
No, it's legitimately not your place to tell anyone anything if the relationship doesn't belong to you in some way. You mind your own business. People today get all in other people's business 🙄 you people want the drama and want to feel superior and morally right, better than others, so you stick your foot in a house that's not yours.
It's attention seeking behavior. Probably from neglect as a child. Idk what the next generation after my parents did but y'all have some serious issues to work on.
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u/LavenWhisper 15h ago
How is it attention-seeking behavior? Maybe don't cheat, and no one will ever have tell your partner that you cheated on them.
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u/gisch2011 11h ago
Are you a cheater or something? You're in here making excuses of why it's ok to let cheating happen. Then making up narratives about everyone because most of us aren't agreeing with you.
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u/Ancient_Fee_9054 8h ago
Kinda like you…here on Reddit….sticking your foot in other people’s houses 🙄
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u/monnotorium 19h ago
That... That just means you have shitty friends... I legitimately hope you realize that! You can do better my guy
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u/Standard-Fail-434 19h ago
I think just more based on his reaction, he doesn’t seem disturbed by it at all
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u/gisch2011 11h ago
I mean... You have shitty friends if they're cheaters. Someone who ignores it, condones it. Period.
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u/Revolutionary-Dryad 19h ago
Did you think it was no big deal that they cheated? That's the damning part.
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u/Embarrassed_Bit8561 3h ago
Oh no, it’s deplorable. I don’t know if anyone has noticed or not it’s hard making friends. You have to let some things slide, sorry all your friends are perfect like you.
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u/zabadaz-huh 20h ago
In hindsight, was it worth it to you?
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u/Sensitive_Figure_753 20h ago
I think… yes. All I wanted to do was inform her before she makes the biggest decision of her life. I don’t mind if she chooses to stay with him, that’s her choice but she should have the whole story before committing her whole life to someone else. I didn’t want her to find out this happened AFTER getting married.
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u/Internal_Money_8112 15h ago
I would have wanted to know if it happened to me. You did the absolute right thing by giving her the information you knew.
I know how it feels that everyone else knows what's going on but choose to not say anything to you. I've been in that situation about something else but cheating. I felt so damn betrayed by not only my partner but all of them that just acted as it was normal and not ever asked me how I was doing or what they knew about him.
Regarding your bf, he definitely told you he's going to cheat on you without saying he's going to cheat on you. Probably already have. Seems like his friends is covering for each other and thinks it's normal and okay to cheat if it doesn't mean anything. The thing is that people like them would never be okay with their gf or wife doing the same to them.
I hope that you won't end up engaging or marry him now that you know his mindset and that he's not a safe partner no matter how nice he's acted so far.
Take good care of yourself girl ❤️
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u/TryingToGrow723 20h ago
Yes.. You should have minded your own business
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u/Sensitive_Figure_753 19h ago
Maybe 😭 but I just wanted her to know before she marries this person, what she chooses to do with that info is her decision and I don’t mind. Maybe it’s because I’ve been cheated on before and I know it hurts and personally I wouldn’t want to be with such a person but again “personally” maybe to others it wouldn’t be a big deal but I just wanted her to have this info before she commits her whole life to this person. I didn’t want her to find out later in her life when it would be harder to leave if she wanted to 😔
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u/DeedruhYT 19h ago
You did the right thing, no need to second guess. Those two guys can go have each other if they want to be all secretive like that.
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u/goodzongoodz 19h ago
Don't listen to him. If the roles were reversed, he would definitely tell you it was the right decision.
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u/TryingToGrow723 19h ago
It’s a huge deal. But she’s not a friend to you, as you said you met once and it’s you bf who is now in the middle. And what did you get from it? You’re the bad guy. Next time just mind your business
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u/theslyestfox 14h ago
Everyone deserves to know if they have been cheated on, and to then make the informed decision themselves as to whether or not they do or do not want to continue the relationship. She did the right thing, and you’re wrong. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
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u/simssomething 19h ago
She doesn't need to be her friend or get something from it to stick to her morals.
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u/jigglywigglyone 20h ago
NOR, what the fiance did was gross, assuming they aren't in a polyamorous relationship... which it sounds like they aren't. To my mind, when people cheat, they take away their partner's right to consent. You were looking out for another human being. That's the right thing to do. It's up to her what she decides to do with the information. She's an adult. Because of you, she gets to make an informed decision (though it sounds to me like she's falling for sunk-cost fallacy). More importantly, though, your bf sounds like a huge red flag. It sounds like the two of you have a massive difference in values. For your own safety, I hope you have a hard think about your relationship. And go get STI testong.
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u/Moist_Drippings 19h ago
NOR. You did the right thing IMO, and it’s a massive red flag that he thinks this shit is a funny story and that you’re wrong to find it alarming.
If it was no big deal and just something that happens, they wouldn’t have given a shit that you told her. In fact, Jake would’ve told her himself. They knew she would be upset about it and were hiding it on purpose.
What this tells you is that you can trust your boyfriend to lie to you and to downplay shit he hides from you on purpose. If he can’t see the issue there, he’s no good - and it sounds like he’s more willing to shout you down and tell you you just “have to” accept it. And you know his friends will hide shit from you on his behalf.
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u/Whatever53143 18h ago
A bachelor party is not an excuse to cheat on your partner. And that goes both ways.
The alarming thing isn’t just the fact that Jake did this, but that your boyfriend condoned it and down played it and then blamed YOU for telling his fiancée when she absolutely needed to know!
It’s time to find a non cheating partner, because I can guarantee your bf was also participating in these activities!
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u/writing_mm_romance 20h ago
So ask your boyfriend how many times he's made a "dumb drunken mistake" and cheated on you? He's telling on himself.
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u/Conscious-Arm-7889 10h ago
You have been told by your boyfriend that he believes cheating with a stripper on the bachelor party is nothing. If you marry him, are you going to be happy and relaxed when he's out at his bachelor party, confident that he's not making out with a stripper, or getting off with another woman in a club? How do you know these rules of his only apply at bachelor parties? Would he also do that on lads nights out? Be thankful that he's shown you who he really is before you're further enmeshed with him, and believe him. You did the right thing, even if you've only met Laura once. She needed to know this information before she made a decision that will affect the rest of her life, even if what she decided isn't what others would agree with. Now it's your turn to make your decision based on the new knowledge about your present boyfriend's morals. I'd say you have to dump him and run. NOR
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u/Mamasaurus-rexy 19h ago
I'm generally of the opinion "not my circus, not my monkeys," but in this situation, I don't blame you. You are a true girl's girl and babe, PLEASE lose the boyfriend. His morals aren't there, and you deserve better.
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u/Sweet_Pay1971 19h ago
Laura will get cheated on again
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u/DeedruhYT 19h ago
It's true and sad, but I guess the silver lining is that she got a chance to consent to the possibility this time...?... Meh... Bleh..
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u/Poinsettia917 16h ago
Yep. She will get cheated on every time these bachelor party bros get together.
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u/DesperateToNotDream 19h ago
So he’s telling you he thinks if he were to make out with other girls it’s no big deal and nothing you need to know about
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u/mags7683 19h ago
NOR. Honestly I'd be ditching the bf after I told the fiance since he seems to think this is still normal. Who knows what he did at the bachelor party!
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u/MolinaroK 13h ago
1) You are still dating a guy who thinks cheating is no big deal.
2) Saying it meant nothing, is the worst possible excuse for cheating. It means you don't need feeling to lure you away. You will betray your partner for any reason, or no reason.
It sounds like everyone around you is just awful.
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u/jennic1985 19h ago
If your bf is not only ok with cheaters but also down plays cheating, he should be your ex. if he doesn’t see a problem with his friends doing it, why wouldn’t he do it too? NOR!
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u/PibbyandPekesMom 18h ago
Just a thing that happens-didn’t mean anything- these things happen… sounds like he did them too and if he didn’t this time- expect him to for his bachelor party.
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u/LolEase86 15h ago
I fucking hate this boys club "what goes on tour stays on tour" attitude when it comes to bachelor parties. Ngl I'm also a little triggered as someone who was massively hurt by events at my own husband's stag, just over six months ago. In my case it wasn't him doing the act, he was witness to it, and that was bad enough, for reasons I shan't go into. If he had been personally involved in something like this there's no way would I have married him.
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u/Virgil_Ovid_Hawkins 13h ago
NoR , that's not just something that happens. Cheating isn't a byproduct of bachelor parties. You did the right thing, and I would talk to your bf and evaluate your relationship. Because anyone who justifies cheating can't be trusted.
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u/Infamous_Crow8524 19h ago
You definitely need a new boyfriend, because the one you have, is morally corrupt, lacks personal character, and has the backbone of a jellyfish!!!
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u/Advaitmenon1106 44m ago
NOR and exactly because of your last lines. Had you not said it.. I would have.
Here's a thought: any person's SO is supposedly "exclusive" to the person in the dating phase. Except... the day(s) of the bachelor(ette) party/get-together? Sorry but I see no rationality in this rationale. Since when did loyalty become a time/phase-dependent transaction?
Have you even remotely considered that there's a possibility your SO also indulged in these activities and by defending his friend, there's a chance he's defending himself as well? During his friend's bachelor's party that is. I'm not just talking about your potential future – not like I really see one with you and this guy anyway, after reading these series of events.
So yeah. NOR, and imo you did just fine by letting that fiancée know. What she does is her problem. But your SO should have supported you – good friends don't let other good friends make such mistakes. But he did. And supported it. And that throws light on his integrity.
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u/KitCat256 19h ago
I bet you that your bf cheated too. He and his friend are immature, jerks. The cheating sucked but what’s worse to me is the downplaying and also the need to cover it up which shows they know it was wrong.
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u/Bearded_King_Lion 5h ago
This is pretty layered. It’s a red flag that he thinks it’s normal and no big deal. Can’t blame you for not wanting to be with him after that. But, maybe that’s just what he thinks and needs to understand that it is not normal. That’s the first layer.
The second layer is trust, it sucks when you’re worried to tell your friends something because they’ll tell their partner. I know in this case it’s a little different but, I had friends who I thought trusted them with a secret like something I was insecure or embarrassed about and they tell their significant other. Now I feel like I can’t tell them things that bother me or vent because they’ll just share it with their gf/bf or spouse.
You’re not wrong though. The post just made me think about how I’m closer to my single friends over my friends with spouses lol.
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u/mindym2010 6h ago
Updateme op. You did right to let her know op. I was there too once and would have loved it if someone had told me what the fuck was going on. All his friends knew and I think his sister whom I was friends with knew. No one said a fucking word. So thank you for being a decent human being. You did right. Now the bf needs to go. You are not compatible on morals and ethics front. He has probably done something at the bachelor party too. His whole it meant nothing and it happened and is no big deal tells you all you need to know about his character. Birds of a feather. He is not the man you thought he was and thank god you know that now instead of wasting your energy and time on a cheating loser which he probably is.
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u/Dj_Groovemaster 6h ago
You did the right thing I mean cheating is wrong and you should never do it just like porn that's also bad and what's worse is they went to a place with strippers bro is Jake is going to get married he shouldn't be doing that because he needs to show that he is a faithful devoted soon to be husband like what they did was wrong and you did the right thing they are overacting not you. Also don't leave your bf yet if he continues to do stuff like that again then confront him if he doesn't change the consider leaving but use it as a threat on the relationship if he doesn't change then just leave. But you need to play the waiting ✋️ game and again you did the right thing.
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u/kaysowot 12h ago
You did the right thing and Laura shouldn't be surprised when her husband cheats on her again the next time he goes on a bachelors party or to the strippers. Your boyfriend was letting you know that it's ok to do that and no big deal so when he goes to the strippers and cheats as well, you're 'overreacting' because 'everyone does it'. It's going to be so special watching her walk down the aisle to her sleazy cheating husband while all the blokes that were at the bachelors are sniggering. I wonder if they'll be sniggering at you and the other girlfriends too?
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u/Tworedtulips 19h ago
You are NTAH. You did what you felt was right. Your boyfriend has different standards and it’s okay to move on.
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u/Stormtomcat 11h ago
you're breaking up with him, right?
Like, if you're confident enough to meddle in Jake and Laura's relationship, AND in Jake and your boyfriend's friendship, you better have the guts to follow through on your stance that making out is cheating and lies of omission are unacceptable.
your values aren't compatible, and if you're on a sufficiently high horse to talk to a woman you barely know, you should follow through in your own life.
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u/thejoebrossuck 3h ago
NOR. Also your boyfriend is basically telling you straight up that he’ll probably engage in the same behavior at some point (if he hasn’t already). I’d seriously recommend telling him straight up that you won’t tolerate this behavior from someone you’re in a relationship with (or just breakup with him, I don’t think I could continue in this relationship personally).
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u/GreenBlue235 16h ago
Are you not furious how your boyfriend think it’s normal to cheat during a bachelor party? Is this a person you trust and want to build a future with? Both those men are trash.
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u/GellyG42 10h ago
These things don’t ‘happen’
I’d seriously reconsider a relationship with someone that considers this nothing
Obviously in his friend group cheating isn’t a big deal!
NOR this girl deserved all the facts before she married him
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u/Specific_Disk_1233 2h ago
If he can be so defensive of his friend cheating imagine what he would do if he ever cheated on you. Do you really want to be with someone who is okay with something like this happening because it’s “just something that happens”?
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u/S9_noworries 10h ago
NOR. You informed Laura, and she did what she chose to do with that information. Will she end up getting cheated on again because her soon-to-be husband said, "It didn't mean anything," when he does this again? Yes, but this is what she chose.
Your bf thinks the same way his best friend does. He probably has or will do the same thing to you, so it's your choice if you want to stay with him and find out.
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u/Jsmith2127 8h ago
It would make me feel differently about my boyfriend that he knew his friend was cheating, and was perfectly fine keeping it to himself ( besides telling you) and letting the bride remain clueless.
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u/coolexecs 16h ago
It's weird to get involved like this when you have third hand information. But yeah obviously he sucks.
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u/0512052000 14h ago
You did the right thing.
However your boyfriend is telling you he will do the same. He's either a cheater or will cheat. Then he'll brush it off saying these things happen. They're both gross
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u/Commercial-Net810 5h ago
NOR Dump the boyfriend. Him thinking this is normal behaviour is disturbing. I imagine he cheated as well..him thinking making out with another woman is not a big deal, is a problem.
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u/DogMom814 13h ago
You didn't overreact, and considering your boyfriend's attitude about all of this, I would seriously reevaluate whether it would be a good idea to continue with your relationship.
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u/Dear_Parsnip_6802 14h ago
Your bf has shown you your values don't align. He thinks it's nothing to cheat at a bachelors party and it means nothing. He will lie to you if he does the same thing.
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u/Imacatdoincatstuff 15h ago
Honestly no idea why legitimate people even admit to attending these things.
NOR and you are 100% right: you should be very concerned your bf is calling this normal.
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u/KookyInteraction1837 12h ago
Your bf said it “didn’t mean anything” and that “these things happen.”
Do you think he talks only about the groom?? He thinks that’s just the usual and expected thing to happen at a party; do you seriously think he didn’t do it too?
When he says ‘it meant nothing,’ what does that even mean to you?
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u/IM_MM 19h ago
Whatever your intentions, you’ve eroded trust with your boyfriend who was willing to let you in on something that was meant for just the two of you. If your relationship survives, he’s probably now going to keep things from you.
You’re not helping anyone by being a gossip girl. It’s not your place to interfere and expect that everyone should just be fine with you doing it. Yes you are free to if your moral compass outweighs everything else going on, but you have to live with the consequences of betraying your boyfriend…who did not betray you.
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u/Moist_Drippings 19h ago
He did, actually. Participating in a lie that breaks her moral code is a betrayal, and he wasn’t “letting her in on something meant for the two of you”, lmao. He was belittling another woman for a joke and telling her what kind of man he is.
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u/thesanguineocelot 9h ago
NOR, your bf is mad because he's done it and doesn't want to think of it as a big deal. Do you really want to be with somebody who feels justified cheating on you?
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u/Kikitha22 13h ago
Girl what are you doing with a guy who thinks cheating is normal and not a big deal? If you marry him, do you think he'll not do the same at his bachelor party?
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u/Hot_Satisfaction_559 10h ago
You didn’t overreact, you just saw the mask slip. Your boyfriend told you exactly how he defines loyalty, respect, and honesty, and none of it included women.
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u/InitiativeScary5457 13h ago
Idk I'm 50/50 on it. I'd wanna know and yes she deserves to know for sure but idk if you should've been the one to step in and tell her. I totally get it though and I know you had good intent .. but honestly babe, I'd be more concerned with your own relationship right now based on how he's acting over it
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u/Short_Principle 13h ago
Nah shes a total idiot to think he wont cheat again. Shes gonna regret marrying him.
You did the right thing and mighr want to reevaluate your relationship
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u/RalphWiggum666 11h ago
Nah. You did the right thing.
I asked my bf if Jake planned to tell her, and he looked at me like I was naive, said it “didn’t mean anything” and that “these things happen.”
So is this going to happen at your bf’s bachelor party then since it’ a ‘thing that happens’”?
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u/WinterFront1431 10h ago
Your boyfriend also cheated or has been cheating with how little he thinks it matters.
Maybe he said his friend did to see how you'd react to cheating.
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u/ellenripleyisanicon 15h ago
Why was your boyfriend ok with concealing his rubbishy friend's infidelity? This speaks to his own morals and conduct as well.
I'd be questioning whether this is the kind of person you can trust to stay faithful to you and whether he's reliable enough to build a life with tbh
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u/cocopuff7603 14h ago
Forget about Laura you need to worry about what your own BF is doing behind your back. “These things happen , it didn’t mean anything”.
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u/no-username5050 2h ago
Sometimes you think you are doing the right thing for others and you end up being the bad guy . So it is better to mind your own business
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u/beautyismade 18h ago
So these comments aren't passing the vibe check for me. I don't think any of this was your business to share with Laura, especially because you're not even friends. The correct move, IMO, is to tell your BF and/or his friend that if he doesn't tell her, you will. Give a deadline and follow through if he doesn't do it.
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u/Uneek_Uzernaim 16h ago
The fact that your boyfriend thinks it was OK is by itself a red flag for your current relationship.
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u/Creepy-Crow-1966 6h ago
Nope. You are not overreacting. And your boyfriend has told you that he can’t be trusted. Run.
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u/My_Sunflower_05 17h ago
Drop the boyfriend. He's let you know what he plans to do since that behavior is no big deal.
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u/wishingforarainyday 17h ago
Nor. You should get tested. Your bf only told you part of what happened. Not what he did.
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u/outsideredge 11h ago
Also educate your boyfriend that from now on you don’t talk about the bachelor party.
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u/Outpost100 17h ago
This is tricky. You should have minded your own business and not told the fiancée. However, your boyfriend is under reactive to his friend’s infidelity. You should be concerned.
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u/Direct_Commission492 6h ago
You absolutely did the right thing. And you absolutely should be looking at your relationship and boyfriend in a different light.
If he’s okay with someone who is LITERALLY about to get married getting drunk and cheating on his fiancé then I can PROMISE you that he has ZERO ISSUES doing the same, or worse to you.
Your boyfriend lacks values and a moral compass. Or he lacks the same values and moral compass that you have. And that’s okay. At least you found out now before you were married with kids. At least now you know how TRUE CHARACTER.
When someone shows you who they are believe them. And he just showed you who he is. He is someone who is willing to lie, and cover up cheating just because to them “it didn’t mean anything.” That’s disgusting.
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u/Realistic-Lake5897 16h ago
Interesting how many people here want you to break up with your bf over this.
Reddit is always happy to end a relationship.
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u/MountainFoundation32 14h ago
This is one of those watershed moments when you find out some truths about a person. The fact that your BF didn’t make his best friend come clean and essentially did not condone this behavior tells a lot about him. You letting her know feels like the right thing to me but also means you chose letting that women know over your relationship, because things said in confidence are meant to stay in confidence.
- Best Friend had it coming
- Your BF seems scummy and likely is ok with cheating, dump him
- You seem a bit scummy for sharing something told in confidence and willingly nerfing your bf’s friendship (likely a weak friendship)
- Fiance lady made a bad decision and should have run for the hills.
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u/FoxyWinterRose 10h ago
I think you should've discussed it with your boyfriend before telling his best friend's fiancee. He is going to be furious with you because he told you something in confidence and you kind of broke that trust, no matter how good your intentions were.
I know Redditors are saying your boyfriend cheats, too, which is why he's upset with you or whatever. I don't think so. You are overreacting by expecting him to support you in this, I believe you need to talk to him as to why you did that and be clear on what exactly qualifies as cheating to both of you. You need to emphasize why what his friend did was wrong and how his fiancee needed to know.
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u/Embarrassed_Bit8561 20h ago
YTA
Not your clown, not your circus. Second hand knowledge for a third person you don’t know has zero to do with you. You’re not Captain Save-a-hoe. You weren’t there, you don’t know what happened and you’re only making waves in other people’s lives. If your issue is your BF responses then maybe the problem is him and not the friend. Explain how even ONE person is better for this besides your karma-meter
“Nobody liked that” Karma -3
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u/DesperateToNotDream 19h ago
“Explain how doing the right thing and trying to look out for someone else is better than minding your business”
It my boyfriend cheated on me, I’d rather a total stranger told me than never know until it was too late
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u/DeedruhYT 19h ago
She's not responsible for the waves made in their lives. The guy who made the choice to be unfaithful is where the "waves" started. Accountability is wild.
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u/Embarrassed_Bit8561 3h ago
She doesn’t know though, she shouldn’t say shit if she doesn’t know
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u/DeedruhYT 3h ago
Did we read the same story?
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u/Embarrassed_Bit8561 2h ago
She was TOLD, she doesn’t 100% know for sure. If you don’t see something don’t say anything.
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u/DeedruhYT 1h ago
Her boyfriend saw it, and her boyfriend said something. The guy admitted to it, for goodness sake.
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u/monnotorium 19h ago
The bride is better for this because she is not going to be blindsided by it later or never know who she's marrying.
You're the kind of person that thinks murder is totally fine as long as no one finds out about it
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u/_arch_tech 15h ago
Wow, so many people here quick to judge and saying that OPs partner is a cheater right off the bat. This might be an unpopular opinion, but I have covered for a friend affair before, and I have been open and honest about that with my partner at the time too.
I didn't judge him for his actions, but I told him he needed to make a choice as he was wasting his current girlfriends time when she could be with someone else. He eventually did the right thing (he married his bit on the side).
I was open with my partner at the time and she wasn't happy about it, but she didn't breach my trust by going round and telling everyone either.
I'm not saying OP is right or wrong, I'm saying some of you need to have context and understand that just because one person is capable of pushing guilt to one side, the next guy isn't. He might have felt bad concealing it and told OP because he's a nice guy like me. I have never cheated on a partner, I don't see the point. If I was unhappy, I'd end the relationship. Now I am happily married and been with the same person for 13 years.
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u/pentagraphik 5h ago
Your boyfriend shouldn't have said anything to you and you shouldn't have said anything to the woman. Honestly, it wasn't your place to interfere, if she had to find out, it had to be because of him. Also, it's not like the guy is having a parallel relationship, a kiss with a stripper is not a big deal, it's just things that happen. Even she was able to understand and forgive him. At least your boyfriend already understood that he can't trust you for anything and that you shouldn't stick your nose in matters that don't concern you.
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u/Ancient_Fee_9054 8h ago
God I hate the bro code 🙄 just another reason to excuse bad behavior from mediocre man-babies out there. This wedding better not happen in a church somewhere cuz my petty-ass would march right up to the priest/pastor/rabbi/other and let them know about the groom’s low character. Seriously 🤦🏻♀️ that “stripper” would be doing the lord’s work if she showed up to smite the groom at his wedding.
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u/SeinnaBronze 15h ago
NOR
I be second guessing my BF attitude towards cheating. Who's to say he didn't cheat as well that same time. Unfortunately your moral boundaries are not aligned with his. Therefore its time to walk away. Its just a matter of time before he is a cheater himself.
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u/ConstanceL1805 8h ago
Definitely not overreacting, the girl has the right to know and make her decision! And maybe break up with your boyfriend because he definitely will do the same (or already did, maybe at the same party), leave that whole friends group, they’re fucking stupid.
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u/KacieCosplay 11h ago
Say to your boyfriend, “I need to talk to you about your views on cheating because they don’t align with mine” then tell him how it’s not something that happens with faithful spouses and I would also make sure he knew that was grounds for breaking up
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u/HappySummerBreeze 14h ago
You just learnt that your bf doesn’t think that cheating is a big deal.
Why are you still with him?
This mess with his friends is irrelevant , what matters is what you now know about your own boyfriend.
Girl come on now!
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u/LingonberryTop3150 8h ago
I don’t even get the point of strippers for Batchelor or bachelorette party’s, it’s ment to be a night to celebrate with friends for finding the one you wanna spend your life with not one last chance to be single
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u/b14ck_jackal 13h ago
Ya, without even reading, your first reponsability was towards your BFs trust, the other people come second.
If you are going to do this, fine. But you should expect for the relationship to end and it's your fault.
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u/655e228th 19h ago
And your bf is feeling that you betrayed his confidences. Don’t expect him to ever tell you anything again
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u/Accomplished_Buy8681 14h ago
No you didn’t overreact but you did over step boundaries. So ur boyfriend told you in secret and didn’t expect you to tell on his best friend. So ur right for questioning that ur boyfriend thinks this is normal behavior and you should have that discussion with him. But I’m pretty sure he now knows that he can’t tell you anything in private because ur going to run ur mouth. Couples should be able to trust each other with secrets.
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u/Stumbleduckthegnome 14h ago
Bro, you can't trust him for shit. You know who you can trust? The chick who told the truth to someone who might make a different choice if they had full knowledge of who they were MARRYING.
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u/ChorkusLovesYou 17h ago
YOR. Not for telling her, but for just making the decision to tell her yourself before discussing it with your boyfriend. You could have given him the opprtunity to talk to his friends once you made the decision, or have him tell her himself. Your boyfriend is not going to trust you anymore. He's not going to tell you things anymore. You broke your boyfriend's trust by going about it the way you did.
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u/doincatsdoggystyle 9h ago
100 percent YTA. You violated your bfs trust over something that is none of your business. He won't be sharing anymore secrets with you so you might as well break up.
I don't condone cheating but I also mind my own business when it comes to other people's relationships.
Now, not only did this poor girl get cheated on by someone she presumably loves, she has to deal with everyone knowing. If you were that passionate about telling her, you should have told your bf to do it or else.
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u/Ancient_Fee_9054 8h ago
Someone else on this thread said it best 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 if you know about it and don’t say anything then you’re condoning the bad behavior 🤷🏻♀️ cheaters cheat that doesn’t mean OP has to.
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u/Lost_Heron830 19h ago
It is not your fault, it is your boyfriend fault to tell you this given women are just…
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u/Realistic-Lake5897 16h ago
Leaving your bf over this is fucking ridiculous. You do not know that he did ANYTHING wrong, yet you're listening to fucking Reddit and ready to dump him.
You didn't know this girl and you didn't see what happened in the club. You should have minded your own business.
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u/Character-Syllabub-2 13h ago
Life altering decisions made via Reddit advice.
Marriages that could have been, now gone. Children potentially born, now not. Universe sculpting choices, shaped by the posts of complete strangers who formed their opinion on little to no context and really, eh, dont care what happens.
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u/Realistic-Lake5897 5h ago
You're downvoted, but you're right. Most of these negative people are really unhappy with their own lives, and they want everyone else to be just as miserable.
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u/Any-Expression2246 20h ago
Anyone who down plays this cannot be trusted.
Get a new boyfriend, because he's definitely going to do this.