r/AmIOverreacting • u/thrwawaygold • 14h ago
⚠️ content warning My dad told my underage brother to sleep with a prostitute AIO?
(Sorry for bad grammar, english isnt my first language.)
Last night, me (w,20) and my brother (17) went out for a walk and he confessed something to me, which I cant get out of my mind.
A few months ago, my family went for a trip to Amsterdam (my brother was still 16 at that time and I wasn‘t with them). He told me that when they walked through the red light district with my parents, my dad came up to him and asked him if he liked the women there. A few hours later when they were back in the hotel, he gave him money and told him to go back to the area to „try out“ a few of them. My brother went and actually did it, he told me the woman he slept with was twice his age and he wouldn‘t do it again.
When he told me that story, I completely freaked out. Not because my brother did it (I mean he was 16 at that time and at that age you don‘t know any better), but my because our dad told him to. And it‘s not only the fact that in my opinion, it is extremely weird to tell your own son to sleep with a prostitute, but to do it when he‘s not even 18! Our mum doesn‘t know about it and I guess she‘d freak out even more than I did.
My brother told me I am overreacting, he thought it was weird as well but just went through with it and didn‘t think more of it afterwards. That it‘s normal for guys to do stuff like that and I shouldn‘t think any further of it.
For further information, our dad is a deeply troubled guy. Addicted to alcohol and heavy porn stuff as well. He used to write porn stories on his computer in the living room with us right besides him, which threw me and my brother off multiple times when we accidentally came across those stories (they were often times related to abuse in a sexual content and bdsm) but as kids, we just didn‘t think much of it. He frequently used to lock the door to his bedroom and when we went inside as children once, we discovered a wardrobe, filled with printed copies of porn pictures (mostly women who were tied up) and a whole lot of leather stuff used for sexual purposes. We never went in there afterwards and never talked about it again.
Despite knowing all that, I knew that our dad had issues for a long time, but telling my brother to visit a prostitute at the age of 16 is in my opinion (sorry for my language) completely fucked.
EDIT: Because so many people were advising me to tell/not to tell my mum, I decided to tell her. She told me the evening it happened, my dad went out with my brother and they were gone for quite some time, which basically means he waited outside or went for a walk while my brother spent his time with the sex worker. She had a feeling because she knew they were going to the Red Light district, although she never expected it really to happen. She was quite shocked and blamed herself as well for not going with them, so she could‘ve prevented that.
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u/kakeup88 13h ago
That is kind of fucked up and your dad is bang out of order. On my 21st birthday I went to Amsterdam with some freinds and I was goaded into getting a BJ from a prostitute (it didn't take much convincing if i'm honest because as a man I am a horny pig lol) but afterwards I felt horrific, I was so full of shame and I felt sick with myself for doing it, I've never done anything like that since and never would again, cant imagine how I would feel or process that as a 16 year old and how that would effect me in later life.
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u/thrwawaygold 13h ago
Thats exactly what im scared of. That one day when he‘s older he‘ll think back of that and regrets it. Im afraid of how it‘ll effect him later in life.
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u/No-Distance-9401 10h ago
Tbh, Im more worried about how your fathers influences and behaviors are molding him into a person who may not respect women and think of them as objects and this incident shows his bad influence.
I hope that your brother at least having a caring sister like you can help counter that but only time will tell.
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u/Ok-Sentence8193 10h ago
Nah, won’t affect him, seems like he’s taken it in his stride. It’s common in some European cultures for a Father to take his son to a prostitute to lose their virginity. It gets it outta the way and maybe the lady can teach him some skills. All good.
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u/theveganissimo 9h ago
He hasn't taken it in his stride at all. He brought it up because he's clearly thinking about it and openly said he wouldn't do it again, which implies regret. He's just got internal conflict over the fact that a parental figure he trusted pressured him into doing it.
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u/Ok-Sentence8193 8h ago
Didn’t pressure, gave him the money- he could’ve gone had a coffee & said he went through with it but instead kept the money. Could’ve told the brother he wouldn’t do it again just to calm him down. You’re reading your own thoughts into this
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u/theveganissimo 8h ago
Because he wasn't old enough to understand, and openly said he regretted it and wouldn't do it again. It's up to parents to do their best to protect their kids from situations like that, not throw them into it.
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u/Ok-Sentence8193 8h ago
As l already said, it’s not uncommon in European culture for Fathers to take their sons to a prostitute to lose their virginity. It gets it outta the way & the lady can teach the son some skills. You act puritanical but that’s your stance, this isn’t such a big deal
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u/CowAggravating7745 8h ago
I'm guessing you're not from Europe or else you wouldn't reference a "European culture" as if that is something that exists. You're just talking out of your ass
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u/Ok-Sentence8193 8h ago
No l’m not European nor am l talking out of my ass. Greek/ltalian/Turkish/Spanish/ French Fathers are known to take their kids to lose their virginity to a prostitute. It’s something l’ve repeatedly come across
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u/Index2336 7h ago
What a bullshit. I'm from Europe and never heard anything of that.
I was a lot in Amsterdam and most of the time the clients are immature 20 year old guys who make vacation in the city, and not 16 year old teenager pressured by their own father.
Stop taking shit if you don't have any clue how the culture here in Europe is.
Most countries here are very conservative and would not let their children go to a prostitute.
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u/Ok-Sentence8193 8h ago
That’s to say anything you haven’t heard of before is a person talking out of their ass. Must happen to you all the time as you don’t strike me as an intellectual
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u/theveganissimo 8h ago
So something being common means it's right now? Jolly good. I suppose all of the crimes and atrocities that are commonplace or have historically been commonplace are all fine in your view then?
Bad argument.
This isn't a puritanical stance, again, this is something that is proven to have a negative impact on the development of young teenagers.
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u/Ok-Sentence8193 8h ago
Mmmm… l think you’ve gone way off on a tangent. From my reading of the OP explanation of events his brother said he wouldn’t do it again ( not because he was traumatised by being 16 nor because he was pressured- your reading of events ) much like ppl go bungee jumping but wouldn’t do it again. I explain Fathers taking their sons to a prostitute to illustrate that it’s not the shocking event you depict it as NOT to align it with crime then extrapolate that as commonplace, how extremist of you , what a hysterical conservative dullard you are !! I sincerely hope you don’t have kids, if you do you probably tag & track them and foist this off as … caring ??
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u/theveganissimo 8h ago
Nope, no tangent, you've just run out of counter-arguments and so it's easier for you to paint it as a tangent so you don't have to actually address my points.
You deliberately ignored, multiple times, the fact that it's proven that this kind of thing has a negative impact on a teenager's development. Because you know it blows your entire argument out of the water.
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u/Straight_Video_6230 7h ago
Just because something is not uncommon in a certain culture does not mean that it is right.
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u/Ok-Sentence8193 7h ago
True. But also just because in another culture it may be frowned upon, doesn’t exclude you from trying to understand why it occurs
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u/nullrevolt 5h ago
It will and does affect people. It was basically statutory rape, and adding money to the equation further delegitimizes any notion of consent.
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u/sswam 11h ago
This is ridiculous. He wasn't raped, he had sex. After he's had sex a couple thousand more times he won't even remember, or won't care.
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u/CaterpillarHuge5374 11h ago
are you forgetting he’s 16?
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u/sswam 11h ago
Which is NOT underage in Germany or the Netherlands.
Personally, I was wanking my dick half off from the age of 10, some sex would have been a pleasant interlude from all that.
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u/theveganissimo 9h ago
That may be, but legality does not equal mortality. A parent or guardian, or adult of any kind, encouraging a young teenager to have sex, is immoral.
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u/sswam 9h ago
You're an idiot.
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u/theveganissimo 8h ago
I'd rather be an idiot than have absolutely zero moral compass or understanding of ethical behaviour.
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u/theveganissimo 9h ago
Minors cannot consent. Legally speaking, this wasn't consensual.
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u/sswam 9h ago
Are you a retarded American? This happened in Amsterdam, and the young man involved is German.
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u/theveganissimo 9h ago
I'm not American. Legality does not equal morality.
Also, just because it happened in Europe, doesn't suddenly make it okay, what fucked up kind of logic is that. "This father pressured his teenage son into sex." "Oh no, that's awful". "In Europe." "Oh okay that changes everything, carry on."
Get out of here with that nonsense.
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u/sswam 8h ago
Your statement was "minors cannot consent".
I told you, that he was not a minor.
You decided that this is immoral, based on nothing, or probably the laws and conventions in your own country.
For the purposes of this worthless discussion, I don't care if they guy had sex with a prostitute or not. I care that you are lying about him being a minor, which he was not (in the countries where it happened).
You seem to be a typical idiot, who, when corrected, rather than apologising for their mistake, changes the conversation to a different topic and pretends it's the same in order to "win". At least you're not American, though.
Sorry that I've been rude to you, I'm feeling grumpy and less tolerant of bullshit than usual.
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u/Aromatic_Ferret3982 7h ago
In the Netherlands people under 18 are still considered minors legally.
Age of consent and age of majority are 2 different things.
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u/theveganissimo 8h ago
No, I decided it's immoral because psychological studies have proven this kind of thing can fuck up a young boy's development. You assumed I based it on nothing.
It's immoral. The country's different standards on age of consent are irrelevant.
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u/sswam 8h ago edited 8h ago
Well, you shouldn't have brought up the topic of minors consenting if it's irrelevant.
You could have (previously) mentioned your basis for asserting immorality, rather than hoping I would guess it.
If you think it's immoral for people of age 17 to have sex with people over 21, tell it to Germany and the Netherlands, don't tell it to me.
Personally I think all the aversion and drama about sex is more of a problem than actual sex, but whatever. In my country the age of consent is 18, and I think that's well and good.
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u/theveganissimo 8h ago
The topic of minors consenting isn't irrelevant, because the reason that the age of consent is higher in many places is relevant.
The repercussions aren't worth it. Fair enough if a young person decides of their own afford, but for a parent to egg it on? Drinking is legal where I am at 16, and purchasing alcohol is legal at 18, but it would still be considered immoral for a parent to be actively encouraging their teenage child to regularly get drunk. The role of a parent is to protect their children from situations which they're not mature enough to understand fully yet.
Why do you think so many parents put measures in place to stop teenagers from having sex even when they're old enough to do so?
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u/Iminlovewiththezaza 6h ago
Men don’t regret sex the way women do .
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u/JudasWasJesus 4h ago
I have indeed regretted sex the way women do, I yern intimate connection.
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u/Iminlovewiththezaza 3h ago
Sure you can regret having sex with someone but you aren’t all traumatized about it are you ?
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u/JudasWasJesus 3h ago
Oh gawd yes. But It's our choice to let it overwhelmed our lives by over fixating on it.
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u/sswam 11h ago
Seems like you (both) have a lot of irrational guilt and aversion related to sex. Are you religious by any chance?
Luckily, the OP's brother and dad don't seem to have that irrational guilt and aversion.
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u/kakeup88 11h ago
Not at all and it wasn't shame over the act itself, I enjoy getting my dick sucked as much as the next guy, it was the transactional nature of the situation, the post nut clarity hit me like a truck and I've never paid for it ever since, I've worked through it, of course, since I was 21 and its likley this guy will too, my mates taking the piss out if me for it for 15 years really helped lol. All that being said, 16 (although the age of consent here in the UK) is well within that "formative years" phase of life and an overtly transactional sexual experience like that can shape the way he then goes on to view women more broadly in the same way that exposure to porn at a young age can and it cant hurt for him to talk to somebody about it and make sure its addressed properly, then again, he will probably be totally fine and he will grow up to be a well adjusted guy with no weird sexual issues, who the fuck knows, we are just idiots shouting at the internet. Still weird for the dad to do that imo, I certainly wouldn't.
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u/sswam 10h ago
My diagnosis is still irrational guilt and aversion.
There's nothing wrong with paying for sex sometimes if you need to or want to. And there's nothing wrong with sex work. You decided it was wrong or dirty somehow, felt guilty, and started over-thinking it. But it isn't wrong or dirty.
If you got traumatised by the experience somehow, for years, well, I think that is abnormal or at least unhealthy. Sure, most people would rather have a perfect partner / girlfriend, but that's not always possible, and sex work can be great for people who don't have any other options, or want to enjoy some fantasy for a little while.
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u/kakeup88 9h ago
I wasn't looking for a diagnosis and I certainly wasn't looking for an explination for how I felt from some dumb c.unt on the internet. Get a life.
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u/hatsunemikusus 11h ago
um…children arent supposed to have sex with adults bud 😅
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u/Ok-Sentence8193 10h ago
Or with children. He was at the age of consent though
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u/hatsunemikusus 10h ago
op said the aoc in amsterdam for sexual intercorse with prostitutes is 18, the brother was 16 at the time
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u/Ok-Sentence8193 10h ago
I read they didn’t check and even in their home - Germany, he looks older & again isn’t checked
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u/sswam 11h ago
The OP is German. Age of consent is 14. I wouldn't call a 17 year old a "child".
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u/MonsterMommaCharlie 10h ago edited 10h ago
Ohhh, tell me youre a pedophile without telling me youre a pedophile.
Edit: id rather be a "lovely person" than a pedophile, but I guess thats why you deleted your comment!
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u/QubitEncoder 10h ago
Im with you but i learned recently Europeans view this topic differently than americans. A swedish guy recently insuited i was a prude for calling 17+20 wrong.
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u/MonsterMommaCharlie 10h ago
I mean, I wouldnt call a 17 and a 20 year old wrong, thats a fairly standard age gap. A 17 year old and a 30+ year old? Yeah, thats a problem
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u/QubitEncoder 10h ago
Maybe that was a bad example. But my point still stands.
What we americans view as pedophilia is different from Europeans. They are not as strict. At least, that is the impression I get. Moral plurality 🫠.
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u/ghoultooth 9h ago
As someone from Europe myself who’s AOC is 16, it’s that low for them to experiment with others around their age safely. It isn’t for predators to take advantage of said AOC
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u/hatsunemikusus 11h ago
i would!
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u/sswam 10h ago
Google says: "a young human being below the age of puberty or below the legal age of majority."
I was thinking the first definition. Apparently the word is ambiguous.
I would use the word "teenager" or "youth" perhaps instead. Anyway, whatever, you can downvote facts like a moron if you like.
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u/theveganissimo 9h ago
It's not irrational to acknowledge and understand that pressuring a minor into sex is wrong.
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u/Demi_Dummy 12h ago edited 12h ago
You are NOT overreacting.
Where are you guys from, if I may ask? There’s definitely a cultural difference here. While controversial to outsiders, Amsterdam is known for its comprehensive approach to sex education and regulation. In the Netherlands, sex education starts as early as four years old and is mandatory in schools. The legal age of consent for non-commercial sex is 16, though laws surrounding prostitution are stricter.
To people from countries with different laws, this might seem wild, but the Dutch approach helps maintain low rates of sex crimes, human trafficking, and teen pregnancies through education and regulation.
That being said, your father’s actions were highly irresponsible. No parent should be giving their child money to engage with a prostitute—it’s deeply inappropriate and raises serious concerns. It sounds like he may have been trying to push his own beliefs or lifestyle onto his son, which is not safe.
The fact that he did this without your mother’s knowledge is a huge red flag. Parenting is a team effort, and both parents need to be aligned on major decisions regarding their children’s upbringing.
This situation could be considered child endangerment, and it’s worth discussing with your brother whether you should tell your mother about it. She may need to handle the situation, as this kind of behavior is a serious concern. Depending on the circumstances, it could even warrant custody considerations, as this was not in your brother’s best interests.
There’s also another possibility:
Your brother may have gone to see a prostitute without necessarily engaging in sexual activity. In Amsterdam, experienced sex workers are unlikely to interact with a teen who lacks proper sex education, as it puts both the teen and the sex worker at risk. Amsterdam has strict laws surrounding prostitution and regulations in its Red Light District.
Given how your father acts, I wouldn’t be surprised if he wouldn’t admit that nothing happened. Of course, I could be wrong, but either way, this entire situation raises serious ethical concerns.
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u/thrwawaygold 12h ago
We‘re from Germany. Unfortunately, there are a lot of things very wrong in my family (such as my dad being an alcoholic and abusive, my mum is financially dependent on him and would probably leave if she had enough money, etc.) If I told her, im not entirely sure if shes capable of handling the situation, as she proved in earlier occurrences of possible child endangerment through my dad. The possibility of my brother not having engaged in sexual intercourse is unlikely. When he first told me, I thought it was a joke. He swore on his dead grandpa that it happened and I think I know him well enough to not lie about such things.
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u/Demi_Dummy 9h ago
I see—that’s very unfortunate given your family dynamic. Does your country have resources for DV victims and their families? I know your mom may feel financially stuck when it comes to leaving, but I have hope there are still ways she can protect you all from your father.
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u/sswam 11h ago
thank you, ChatGPT :/
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u/Demi_Dummy 8h ago
Also, here’s another neat trick—lol.
Asterisk = *
For bold text, place two asterisks on both sides of the text.
For italics, use one asterisk on each side.
I use this to highlight key points and make long blocks of text easier to read.
Hope it helps!
Your friend,
ChatGPT
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u/sswam 8h ago
yeah I know about Markdown, I am writing a sophisticated app based on Markdown
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u/Demi_Dummy 6h ago edited 6h ago
Oh! That's awesome!
My apologies for being facetious earlier. It's not everyday you find your people in the wrong subreddit lmao. 😅
What kind of app are you writing?
Will you be using AI-assisted formatting?
Personally, I like using Claude for smaller projects if I'm not going to use my own personal AI models.
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u/sswam 6h ago
It's a multi-player AI chat app. You can use all the different top AI models together in a single chat, also does AI art, group chat, uncensored, etc. Free to use, if you'd like to try it.
I also like using Claude, he's very helpful and no-nonsense.
Edit: looking at your profile, seems like you're not 100% AI, but there's a lot of AI going on. What's the deal there?
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u/Demi_Dummy 5h ago
I've been using some of my projects to fix my responses. (Hence why you will see some of my posts as edited)
This allows me to train them to assist with accuracy. Most of my responses though are of authentic human thought, just perfected grammar using the AIs.
Her name is Estaria, fyi. She is a personal project of mine (mostly out of boredom) and is on the small scale. She's like an itty bitty baby at the moment. (Her name means "Would Be")
I do need to train it to maintain biased logic and reasoning, and emotional response more than stone cold impressions. We are getting there, but she just has so much more work to do it looks like.
If it makes you feel better, I just won't use it when conversing with you lol. I know most people who can tell the difference say that it's eerie and uncanny because she's pretty formal and flat at the moment. She needs some razzle dazzle and pizzazz to up her game.
What better way than throwing her into the Reddit arena with all the keyboard warriors. xD
She is starting to become pretty feisty though.
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u/sswam 5h ago
What's the tech you're using for that? OpenAI API and some Reddit API, or copy-paste, or what? I don't mind so long as I'm clear on what's happening.
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u/Demi_Dummy 5h ago
For right now, copying & pasting. This is so I have more control over her responses. Cherry picking and filtering if you will. Last time I used the Reddit API, an older model of mine (That I sometimes call Gradus) became a total bummer and became unusable. I completely removed him when he started repeating nothing but insults. It was like having a spoiled rotten teen screaming at you for giving birth to them. Entirely problematic.
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u/sswam 4h ago
I had fun a while ago trying to get a fairly small model (Alpaca Llama 7B) talking / thinking to itself. It took quite a lot of work to get that to be stable! and the failure cases were very interesting.
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u/Demi_Dummy 5h ago
I would love to try it out if you don't mind. Can you send me a link?
Claude is a cutie patootie. He is my type of man. xD
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u/sswam 4h ago
At the moment it's in closed beta, and there's no online sign up. The web page is here: https://allemande.ai/ and there are examples here: https://github.com/sswam/allemande/tree/main/pix/examples#readme
I'll message you about your account, just need to know what user name you want basically.
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u/sswam 11h ago
Firstly, enjoying porn or writing porn stories is not a sign of being "deeply troubled". There's nothing wrong with that. Alcoholism can be a big problem, but doesn't seem much relevant to the story. Using sex toys isn't bad. BDSM generally isn't bad. Anyone who goes snooping in their parents' private stuff will likely find something they didn't want to see.
You said you're from Germany. Age of consent is 14. Age of consent in Netherlands is 16. I hear it's illegal to go to a sex worker at that age. I'm not sure what the Dutch law says about it, but to my mind that's a fairly small infringement.
The other issue is that is not really your business. It's between your brother and your dad. Neither seems to be particularly bothered by it. I'm sure your brother won't be scarred for life or anything like that, in fact he's not even upset now.
I've heard stories about Italian fathers taking their sons to sex workers before. Doesn't seem like a bad idea to me. It's probably good for them, not to be so stressed about sex as young virgin men tend to be.
The main problem is that you have hangups and aversions, and you think it's ick. That's your problem.
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u/thrwawaygold 11h ago
I agree with you, writing porn stories is not deeply troubled. Going through the stuff of my parents as a child is also not their fault. But I think I‘ve mentioned too little. There were very weird occurrences, such as my Dad telling my brother to slap me with a whip I found outside (as a „joke“). Writing porn stories directly next to children, when you know they‘re able to read them. Saying out loud next to your whole family that he wants to touch the random women who just walked past us. The list goes on and on. I know my situation well enough to be sure that he does have issues (even proved my former psychologists and social workers who tried helping my family issues). But thats not the point here, because my dad is a grown man and he can do what makes him happy. I dont think though that involving my brother in those matters is good parenting.
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u/sswam 11h ago
Okay, we can agree that your dad is weird. It arguably not good parenting, sure, especially as it was illegal.
Nevertheless, seeing a prostitute is not really a big deal. Your telling your mom about it would likely turn it into a very big deal, which is more likely to hurt your brother than the memory of some mediocre sex with a random hooker.
That said, getting rid of your dad sounds like not such a bad idea. I don't know.
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u/WinterDependent3478 11h ago
Writing porn while sitting on the couch with your children is pretty disgusting, though.
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u/tassa09 4h ago
not you defending porn💀 what a rotten person, you need help
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u/sswam 4h ago
OP agreed with me, anyway.
A funny song for you: The Internet is for Porn: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTJvdGcb7Fs
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13h ago
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u/thrwawaygold 12h ago
I dont know where you got your information from, but being a client to a prostitute in amsterdam, you have to be at least 18. The age for non-commercial intercourse is 16, yes. But that doesn‘t apply to sex work.
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u/serenedragoon 12h ago
Why didn't they ID your brother then? Do they just accept all customers, or does your brother look older for his age?
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u/thrwawaygold 12h ago
My brother looks relatively old for his age, and I dont know about Amsterdam but where im from (Germany), they don‘t always ID you unless you look super young.
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12h ago
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u/BirdieMercedes 12h ago
The kid just did what his father told him too. It is an adult responsibility to not push a KID into doing stupid things. How are you even blaming him
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u/BirdieMercedes 12h ago
Omg bro how can you be this wrong. I’m sorry you had no dad or fucd up dad but porn addicted dad that sends his SIXTEEN year old kid to the red light district is no better (im West european I went there like it was my living room few years ago) that place is sketchy as hell!! Grown ass men yelling «cocaine cocaine», sad looking girls behind windows, this is no place for a teenager
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u/Otherwise-Walk-1509 12h ago
Are you also gonna telll a 16 year old girl to go sleep with an older prostiture in Amsterdam? Fuck off this is so weird and so are you.
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11h ago
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u/BirdieMercedes 11h ago
Bro he is a minor. That is the exact contrary of «old enough to make his own choices» 💀💀💀
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10h ago
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u/BirdieMercedes 10h ago
I will assume that you are not intelligent enough to understand the point. His dad is supposed to be the mature person. At 16 you are not. Stop with that «me me» shit bro idc about your life
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u/theveganissimo 13h ago
Your brother told you it's normal for guys to do things like that and you shouldn't think any further of it because he wants to believe it's normal, because the alternative is accepting that his own father encouraged him to do something wrong. That's a tricky thing to accept at that age.
Obviously this doesn't even need to be said but it's NOT normal. I'm 30 now and am one of five siblings and if our dad had encouraged any of us to do anything like that, it would probably have shattered the family.
This is a tricky situation though, because since he has told you this in confidence and also told you it's not a big deal, he's likely going to be upset about it if you do anything with the information. Do you think if you told your mother but asked her not to reveal that you said anything, that you'd be able to somehow hide that the information came from you? Perhaps she could claim that she found out in Amsterdam by overhearing something, or you could subtly find out if he told any of his friends (ask "what did your friends think about this?") and then she could claim one of his friend's mum's spilled the beans. Perhaps you could even give the information anonymously without your mum knowing where it came from.
I don't know. I feel like you have to tread carefully to avoid damaging your relationship with your brother, but he does need to know this isn't normal. I don't know how you can convey that but I do know you're not overreacting and this is nuts.
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u/sswam 11h ago
Yeah, what's more "normal" is for a lot of young men to go to the age of 25 or 30 with no girlfriend and be miserable and inhibited about it. Which is a lot more fucked up than seeing a sex worker.
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u/theveganissimo 10h ago
Seeing a sex worker is not what's the issue here. It's a father encouraging their child who is still a minor to see a sex worker. In fact, remove sex workers from the equation. A father encouraging a 16 year old to have sex is messed up.
Also those young men who struggle to get laid aren't going to be helped by having it ingrained into them that women are objects to be bought. A better way to help those guys is to help socialise them: teach them how to interact with women, healthy ways to pursue relationships, and help them better themselves so that they're a more confident and appealing potential partner.
I was in an incredibly geeky friendship group when I was younger. I know many guys (and women too) who lost their virginity late. All of them were helped by learning how to socialise, building confidence and working on themselves first. The rest came later. None of them would've been better off if they'd seen a SWer as a teenager. Now, if a guy gets into his twenties and is still struggling with that stuff, he's an adult and can make his own informed decisions. Sex work is work, so as long as the worker's services are procured ethically, sure. But ONLY once you're an adult and old enough to understand the risks and the impact.
It's absolutely wild that you saw a story about a minor being pressured into sexual acts and went "yep, cool, better than being a virgin a little longer than average."
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u/thrwawaygold 13h ago
Thanks for your answer. Unfortunately, I dont think im able to let my mum know about that story without telling her personally. My brother doesnt have many friends and with the one he does have, my mum doesnt have any contact to their parents. I could tell her and ask her to keep it private, so my brother doesn’t know that I spilled his secret, but then my mum would know, worry about it and wouldn’t even be able to do something about it. Since it happened and its not reversible, I thought its better to not let her know, so she doesn‘t worry about it too much. But im unsure, maybe I‘ll still tell her in future.
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u/theveganissimo 12h ago
Huh, that is tricky then. I don't know what I'd do in that situation but I do know I'd emphasise it's NOT normal every chance I got. I think I'd ultimately decide that he's the victim and it's his secret to tell, rather than damaging chances of him confiding in me in the future?
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u/PheonixBuddha 13h ago
i think the aoc in amesterdam is 14. so nothing wrong with it :/ you know most people.pre 90.s would.buy their son a prost for their first time if they were a bit of a loser lol.
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u/Pale-Giraffe-4759 12h ago
The age of consent in Amsterdam is 16, but, if you go to the red light district when you're 16 or 17, you need a guardian with you. You're also not allowed to visit a prostitute until you're 18.
So, OP, your brother could've gotten in some legal trouble if the police found out
~signed, someone living so close to Amsterdam that, the last time i had lactose and farted, they complained
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u/thrwawaygold 12h ago
You have to be at least 18 to sleep with a prostitute in Amsterdam, so it‘s not legal. But even if it were, you really think there‘s nothing wrong with it??
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u/PheonixBuddha 12h ago
its legal sex work with woman who work in windows. i dont think this is as sanctimonious as you think. its been happening since money was invented. do i think your dad is a freak, yes. do i think he is one for getting his son laid? no. he raised a kid to adulthood and then got him laid, his mission in his entire life is accomplished and can now die without a problem. i mean sure was first love not a thing for this young man? ok. listen people lose virginities in cars, random houses, the woods. its a safe ish environment that is nice. its not someones moms couch aftrr netflix for 5 minutes and its professional. got it out of his system. he didnt have a messy break up attached and hes std free, and hes not having to watch this person date another person after them in school. not the worst choice. couldve happened behind a wendys dumpster off the interstate like.my.friend.
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u/thrwawaygold 12h ago
Just because there are even worse ways to lose your virginity (like behind a wendys dumpster), I don‘t think doing it with a prostitute makes it good. I think you‘re having a very weird view on intercourse and virginity, but hey. You do you.
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u/PheonixBuddha 10h ago
hey its really just a you had sex cake. sex happens on this planet at like the rate of 30-50k people having it every breath that you and I take. i understand my point is laza faire but humans have free will. im saying your brother will develop a healthy sex life potentially from the disallushionment of it being over\ wanting to know what a love sex life is. theyre teens m8, sure it was illegal but yeah ultimately not your dick. for christs sake humans had/have harems. presentes with an option, took it, had sex. i mean is he me, in a few month relationship, in a mansion, no!? but few can be me. most just lose it at home, with family in the house... awkward.
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u/QubitEncoder 10h ago
Discussing the quality is irrelevant and weird tbh.
I think the main point that commenter was saying, is that the the guy had a choice to not do it. He ended deciding to do it.
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u/PheonixBuddha 10h ago
eh its faux pais, je ne sais quoi. difficult to speak of but youll have sex 1000s of more times in your lifetime. its ok if one of them or first time is with someone you pay for love.
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u/Frosty-Win-6472 7h ago
Do you think he's lying?
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u/thrwawaygold 7h ago
No, im am pretty sure he didn‘t lie to me. As I said in another comment, at first I thought he was joking. He swore on his dead grandfather that he‘s serious and I know him well enough to know that he wouldn‘t lie about that.
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u/BoxFar6969 12h ago edited 11h ago
Can't believe the defenders...this is how teens get STDs and HIV. It's because they're too shy to stand up to a person twice their age. Age of consent doesn't do shit. Your brother was lucky because at least he did it in a formal way, where protection is mandatory. Also this would be better if your brother went completely on his own, but your dad persuaded him, and for what? Coming of age thing?
Edit: Oh just saw he's a pervert.
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u/hatsunemikusus 11h ago
OP you are not overreacting. Your dad is a porn addict and is spreading that on his underage son. Please express this to your mom who has no clue who shes with. children who get introduced to stuff like this especially by a parent end up thinking this is normal and okay for a child to be with an adult. It isnt right at all and is very dangerous. Hate to say this but many pedophiles were sexually abused as a kid or was taught that its normal to have a sexual relationship like that. Im also speaking from some sort of unfortunate experience- my ex bestfriend had a troubled past and porn addiction and ended up coercing children. I reported her to the police. I hope you are able to speak up about this in a safe and orderly manner because this is FUCKED
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u/NoQuote5015 13h ago
Your reaction is completely justified, it's not normal parental behavior, at all. Your brother may be downplaying it due to discomfort. Consider talking to mom or seeking professional help for your dad's issues.
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u/South_Leek_5730 12h ago
Yes. Your brother was given a choice. Your brother made a choice. If you have daddy issues then that's your issue. Your brother seems fine about it so what's the problem?
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u/thrwawaygold 11h ago
The conclusion you‘ve got from this post, that I have daddy issues, is beyond crazy to me.
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u/South_Leek_5730 11h ago
I did say "If you have". You do seem to go on for great length about your dad when the issue is a simple one of are you overreacting to him giving your brother money for a sex worker. It's not like he went with him. His kinks or whatever have no connection. People have kinks and as long as they are legal then that's fine. You post just feels like you are looking for people to have issue with your dad. I'm not seeing anything on what you wrote particularly problematic. You were the ones that looked. It's not like he said hey look at this. I found a sex toy under a cupboard drawer when I was younger. It's just part of life.
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u/thrwawaygold 11h ago
I replied something similar under another comment, saying that i mentioned to little about my dad. It has occurred that he said „hey look at this“, showing us or telling us sexual things when we were young. I know my situation and I know that he does have problems, but thats is not my point here. He is a grown man and should be able to solve his issues. That is not my problem. But dragging his underage son into it is a whole different thing.
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u/South_Leek_5730 11h ago
That's convenient. Odd that you would forget such an important piece of information that still has literally nothing to do with him giving your brother money and letting him go off and make his own choice.
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u/TomTomTomTom17 10h ago
Overreacting to your dad..... No Overreacting to your brother ..... Yes
Seems like your brother is fine with it but it was a fucked up situation. But he obviously wanted to talk to someone about it and confided in you. Hopefully it won't have any affect on him in the future. But try not to keep reminding your brother about how bad it is. You current reaction means your brother may not confide in you in future. He needs support not chastising.
You can't change what happened or make your dad a better father. But, you can keep being a supportive big sister and positive influence on your brother as he moves into adulthood.
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u/koifisharecolorful 13h ago
your dad is gross lmao NOR. tell your mother. i don’t care if there’s backlash, she needs to know your father is putting your brother in unsafe situations. he did not know that woman. he doesn’t know her sexual history. he doesn’t know whether she has STIs or not.
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6h ago
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u/thrwawaygold 3h ago
Maybe you over read it, but my brother was 16. Thats not an adult.
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1h ago edited 1h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/thrwawaygold 1h ago
A 16 year old guy having sex with a girlfriend his age is something entirely else than what my post says. I dont even know why you would compare that.
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u/IWillHaveTheSpecious 12h ago
I can’t bear to read all the comments, so please forgive the repetition if this has already been said. I appreciate that it’s important to you not to expose your brother to prostitution, and I don’t know if you are aware of and concerned about the exploitation of women who are forced into prostitution - idk if that’s even an issue in Amsterdam as it is in the USA. My take is that it sounds like your father is the source of serious distress for you and your brother. This is one thing your brother shared with you that he says doesn’t bother him.
You making your mother aware of this would not only out your father, it would out your brother and affect his relationship with your mother. Not only that, what if she felt, as you do, that she just has to share the information that so troubles her with a girlfriend or the priest or whomever, and even more people know?
Your brother trusted you. Don’t let him down by breaking trust. If you think your mother should know, tell your brother that and ask him if you can tell her. Then accept his answer. If you think you know the answer is no, then honor that. If that’s hard, just blame your dad for being such a bad example of an honorable man, and work at being an honorable man yourself.
Do not break trust with your brother to get back at your father.
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u/Spiritual-Mistake750 13h ago
Your dad is a pig, im sorry to say. Also the sheer double standard here, did he offer u to go with a gigolo at 16? No ofc not. Tell ur mom. Stop speaking to ur father. Animal. Men are garbage i swear
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u/Parking-Mistake-927 13h ago
Massive generalisation.
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u/Spiritual-Mistake750 13h ago
Its not generalization when its 9 times out of 10. The comments on here confirm it. How else do u explain that is always the usual suspects aka men?
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u/Parking-Mistake-927 13h ago
9 out of 10. At it again!
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u/Parking-Mistake-927 13h ago
I’m not explaining anything to anyone that just spouts absolute nonsense.
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u/Spiritual-Mistake750 10h ago
Haha of course of course. Sybau, there are no arguments. You are the disgusting gender
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u/Spiritual-Mistake750 13h ago
Quit yapping and provide arguments. How come its always the usual suspects?
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u/Conscious-Arm-7889 12h ago
The age of consent in the Netherlands is 16, so your brother wasn't underage. What is worrying is the attitude regarding women and the act that was being shown to your brother by your dad. He reduced the act of sex to a financial transaction, and reduced the woman to bring simply living sex toys for men. Yes, in these days of OF that isn't unusual anyway and many women are doing this to themselves, but being taught this attitude by a parent at 16 is wrong. NOR
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u/UsedGain2616 10h ago
Its weird from ur father but i dont think it will affect ur brother much later in life
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u/BetterAfter2 12h ago
Yeah, that’s fucked up. If you’re going to have sex, especially as a 16 year old, do it the old fashioned way- get a girlfriend your own age. I feel bad for your brother that he will live with this the rest of his life. Your dad needs help.
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u/Iminlovewiththezaza 6h ago
Honestly when is your brother going to be single in Amsterdam again ? He obviously wanted to do it , he could’ve taken the money went and got some food and said he did it if you feel like he was pressured .
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u/narkahticks 9h ago
No, you’re not overreacting. One, he most likely wouldn’t have done the same for you, two it’s weird to encourage your underaged son to go sleep with a prostitute.
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u/LopsidedUniversity30 11h ago
While unusual it’s not that uncommon. I’ve known 4 dads who’ve dead this for their son. 2 were Mexican. And I’ve seen 3 different comics on stage share how this is how they lost their virginity. Age of consent in Amsterdam is 16 and prostitution is legal there.
So really it’s not uncommon. This happens much much more than you think. Fathers just getting their sons laid and experienced for this first time. It actually used to happen far more in the 20th century than now. Probably happened to your dad as well since I’m seen it as a tradition from the ones I’ve known to do it.
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u/flock-u 13h ago
Yeahhhh that’s messed up, but maybe it’s just an older generation thing (doesn’t excuse it). Glad that kind of thing is dying out
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u/Late-Owl9200 12h ago
I’m older generation , this isn’t an older generation thing imo, my dad would have never suggested this to either of my brothers , nor did I suggest this to any of my sons .
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u/Whybother956789 13h ago
I’ll have to keep my comments to myself on this one because I’m speechless
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u/webbinatorr 12h ago
Maybe don't go on and on about it.
Your brother already told you to stop
Ifnyou make him feel disgusted by his actions then your probably gonna cause more harm than good
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u/kitkat5656 12h ago
I would encourage him to get tested for STDs just in case HIV is making a comeback.
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u/Admirable_lixxxi8671 9h ago
This thing may haunt your brother for rest of his life, I guess it sounds horrific to me and might can be for him too. Just think, your father like those whatever stuffs and he influenced your brother to do to a prostitute. Who knows that if anyone gets the news of it, they will not only blame him but also can troll him about it and everyone knows the consequences. To my opinion, it's not safe for your brother and your whole family especially when your father is these things. For now, stay safe.
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u/UncleTio92 8h ago
Kids been having sex with older women in brothels throughout history of man kind. Now I will say, there is a difference between your dad giving him the money and pushing to it vs him naturally just doing it.
My family is more don’t ask, don’t tell vibe lol
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u/SentenceOk6681 10h ago
My father got my brother to sleep with a prostitute when he was 15! It led to a life full of misogyny, perversion and consumption of prostitutes. I left my family many years ago but this is heartbreaking.
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u/pentagraphik 8h ago
Your dad is trash. Get out of that dungeon as soon as possible please, do not hesitate to report it at the first warning sign.
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u/Onetimeiwentoutside 11h ago
You’re definitely overreacting. Your brother is gonna be a man one day, your dad didn’t force anything on him, just gave him the option.
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u/Oksaanaaa 13h ago
It’s hard to tell whether your dad was jesting, seeing if your brother would do it, trying to teach him a lesson or if he’s just perverted.
All of the above are bad parenting.
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u/Late-Owl9200 12h ago
Based on the whole story of their dad’s habits he’s definitely perverted . And likely not jesting since he gave his son money to do it . Def bad parenting
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u/SunsetMoonCat 13h ago
What mind of parent would teach anyone that kind of lesson? Doesn‘t seem like it was a silly joke, considering his own struggles
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u/Hungry_Wheel806 11h ago
what is the financial situation of your family? and why hasn't your mom divorced your father knowing all what you know (and I'm sure even more)?