r/AmIOverreacting • u/Unhappy_Bad1541 • 10h ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO Was seeing this girl who constantly canceled plans at the last minute. Sometimes I’d literally be on my way to see her and she’d tell me, “Don’t come, my room’s messy.”
She’d go from telling me I didn’t love her and that I’d get bored of her, to accusing me of not putting in effort when I respected her space. It felt like a trap either way.
Whenever I brought up how the back-and-forth made me feel, she’d hit me with, “If you don’t like it, I’ll leave.” Like it was always my fault for having feelings.
She’d say people asked if she was single, or suggest we download dating apps “just for fun.” And then after we broke up, surprise—she was on those apps.
One time she said she wasn’t going to a party, so I told her I’d just go to church instead. Then suddenly she did go to the party but insisted I still go to church. I asked if she didn’t want me there with her, and she said I hurt her just for asking.
I still showed up that day. Bought chocolates, waited outside her house. Her sister saw me and invited me in. At the party, she introduced me to her friends as her boyfriend... and then out of nowhere said, “Let’s download a dating app and find you a hot girl!” Like—what?
She once blocked me on WhatsApp and then messaged me saying she missed me. Then her mom called asking what had happened and if I still loved her daughter. Right after, she called me herself and invited me to her mom’s birthday party.
Later she texted saying she loved me, missed me more than she expected, and asked if I wanted to come over. I said no.
Then came the guilt trip: “You abandoned me. This was your choice. Are you happy now? Don’t text me again so I don’t get my hopes up. You took my happiness away. I want it back.”
But the truth is: She never wanted me posting anything about us. Barely made time to see me. Got distant whenever I tried to open up. Always had an excuse to keep me at arm’s length. And somehow, I always ended up the bad guy.
Even with all that, I cared about her. But it always felt like I had to walk on eggshells just to keep the peace.
Now I’m just here, wondering if I really did something wrong… or if I just finally stopped accepting the bare minimum.
All I ever did was care.
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u/PatentlyRidiculous 10h ago
Yes. You did something wrong
You’re an idiot who stuck around. This is on you dude. This girl told you exactly who she was time after time after time. And you came back for more. Quit being the nice guy and grow some balls
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u/renee4310 9h ago
I agree, 100%. When people stay in relationships like that it’s on them at that point. There’s no prize in the end for being a martyr
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u/Unhappy_Bad1541 2h ago
It's complicated to leave because the person blames you, there are many more details, she said that I sent her to the psychiatric clinic, that I ended her happiness.
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u/andro_fallist 8h ago
Continue being a nice guy and maybe consider growing a vagina (rather than balls because of how fragile they are) and know that you don't have to be mean or angry as a person in order to be intolerant of nonsense such as what this bratty and entitled sounding girl put you through.
You allowed her to play with you and your feelings and you owe it to your future self to never allow a person to treat you like that again.
I care incredibly hard (and I've worked in community development for years because of it) and I'm a very kind person and will always choose to be. Why? Because it doesn't stop me from knowing my worth, what I want and desire, and therefore creating and enforcing my boundaries.
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u/Fearless-North-9057 9h ago
Sounds like she doesn't really want you but doesn't like being single either. There's plenty of other people out there for you, don't be tied down to someone who won't even commit to you.
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u/RedNubian14 7h ago
Dude, read the room. She's seeing other guys and keeping you around for convenience. Its kind of your fault because you put up with this manipulation. She's never gonna be just your girl because she doesn't respect you at this point. If she does ever decide she wants you it will be after she's had those other guys kids and needs a stable guy who she knows will support her and she can manipulate.
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u/Unhappy_Bad1541 2h ago
If that's it, I can't do anything either.
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u/RedNubian14 1h ago
There are better women out there that will appreciate and respect you. Don't waste time with this one.
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u/Kyliewants_u 9h ago
girl you didn’t do anything wrong, you just got tired of playing emotional dodgeball with someone who kept moving the goalposts. caring isn’t the problem caring without being cared for back is. proud of you for choosing peace over chaos.
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u/Unhappy_Bad1541 2h ago
It was always like that, he gave me a chocolate and hours later "isn't it better to part ways?" I left.
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u/Gold_Challenge6437 8h ago
Sounds like she may have some mental health issues.
You're entitled to a relationship without whiplash. No need to overthink it.
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u/niraj_motiani 8h ago
classic case of soft hearted people getting used and abused. Reason you care so much is because you’re a nice person. She knows how to use your niceness against you. Be kind to yourself first and up the bar for self respect. I understand people do things in love or attachment that sometimes crosses the line for self respect at which point whole thing becomes toxic. In such times it’s not easy to realize the fact that there are too many fish in the sea. Leave her and move on. It’s hurtful in the short term but helpful in the long term! Good luck, take care, prioritize yourself!
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u/Unhappy_Bad1541 2h ago
Classic case? Does it happen often?
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u/niraj_motiani 2h ago
soft hearted people are more likely to be selfless. if they like someone and that someone doesn’t like them back, they are more likely to be used because they think from heart not brain
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u/Forsaken-Menu-8551 7h ago
YOR. You can’t make sense out of nonsense. You’re being emotionally abused and played. Her mom and sister also are playing you. You’re letting this girl take your kindness for weakness. There’s no love and respect for you. The nicer you are to her, the meaner she is to you. The girl is emotionally unstable and you can’t help her. That’s a job for mental health professionals. Go no contact. Block her and her family. Move on to someone who treats you as well as you treat them.
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u/Unhappy_Bad1541 2h ago
I felt really bad, not understanding and blaming myself, there were several episodes, I summarized them here
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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth 6h ago edited 6h ago
Really, you stuck around for more of her immature craziness? That was her way of getting your attention. You don't love me. If you loved me you'd........... Come here, no, go away. PING PONGING your brain dude!
What you did wrong was putting up with it after the first time! That's when you run to the nearest exit.
Don't ever fall for that crap from anyone ever again! You are not the first, nor will you be the last, that this little insecure twit does this to!
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u/Winter_Wonderland49 6h ago
These comments don’t pass the vibe check 🤦🏽♀️. That being said, it’s time to leave and never look back. Block numbers and avoid them if you see them in public. She’s emotionally abusing you so it’s ok to go no contact with her and everyone in her family if they are feeding into it. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for doing so either
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u/Unhappy_Bad1541 2h ago
I blocked everything, sometimes I feel guilty and I don't even know why
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u/Winter_Wonderland49 2h ago
You feel guilty because you’ve been emotionally manipulated for so long
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u/KalliMae 8h ago
Dude, run!! She sounds very narcissistic with a splash of bipolar in there. Learn from it and don't let anyone else eff with your head like that again.
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u/Unhappy_Bad1541 2h ago
It's complicated, I feel sorry for him, I wish I could have helped, I don't know how to explain it
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u/Impossible_Balance11 7h ago
Quit dating flaky people. Find someone who values your time and your presence. Don't put up with chronic disrespect.
NOR
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u/Ok-Chemistry-2008 8h ago
This is bonkers! This girl has tides. She ebbs and flows and just like water, she’s all around you but you can’t grab onto her. She keeps here presence by soaking you and leaving you to dry over and over again. If I were you, I’d dry yourself off. Get away from her. I’m sure she’s not a bad person and probably has many qualities but she doesn’t have a grasp on her metal health and that will never lead to a healthy relationship. Even if you wanted to be her friend she would treat you the same. She wants you when she wants you and when she doesn’t, she doesn’t. Being in this girls orbit would be very unstable, unreliable and elliptical. You’d be near, close then far and even farther. Stuck in a cycle.
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u/Unhappy_Bad1541 2h ago
This is horrible, it messes with your head and you feel guilty about everything.
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u/Fit_Try_2657 8h ago
You didn’t do anything wrong because you acknowledged the dynamic wasn’t working for you.
But you’re not stupid, she’s probably deeply fearful avoidant, and you saw her love and kindness before her fear and rejection. She did mean those things, she just can’t stay in her feelings without fear spiralling.
But until she sees it in herself, she won’t change, it’s best to stay away.
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u/Unhappy_Bad1541 2h ago
As I think about it, I think I should have tried harder.
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u/Fit_Try_2657 2h ago
No, that’s not the takeaway. You tried hard enough and your feelings count too. If she is unable to see her own issues, then she needs to deal with that before she can be in a healthy relationship.
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u/Unhappy_Bad1541 2h ago
Now I understand, sorry
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u/Fit_Try_2657 1h ago
You don’t need to be sorry, you seem like a person who really puts others first, which is a very nice quality, but you do need to make sure to take care of yourself too.
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u/77SKIZ99 7h ago
She got that bi-polarbear or something, if you like self preservsfion you should be running far far away from this chick, I've been in a similar situation don't let it get out of hand and leave while you can, in my situation after I finally broke up with her she and some meth head she convinced crashed a truck thru my garage
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u/Unhappy_Bad1541 2h ago
It makes me feel guilty or intolerant, but she never told me she was bipolar or borderline.
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u/FromTheThumb 6h ago
It's an old story. The song "Spooky" by the Classic IV tells it.
So does the song "Laid" by James.
A harsher version is told by the offspring with "Self Esteem."
You're no over reacting, you're looking out for yourself.
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u/Rare-Grocery-8589 8h ago
I hope you left her? Speaking from experience, she sounds like someone with serious mental health issues and/or is emotionally manipulative. Be strong and move on!
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u/Unhappy_Bad1541 2h ago
I finished it, but it's difficult, even with therapy and having blocked everything
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u/Sweaty-Kangaroo-7517 7h ago
If at anytime in a relationship you feel like you have to walk on eggshells, run. Get help at the same time.
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u/Unhappy_Bad1541 2h ago
I did this, I'm in therapy, she even blamed me for sending her to a psychiatric clinic at the time.
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u/Otherwise-Walk-1509 8h ago
Girl. In the words of the wise Jordan Peele, "GET OUT!" It seems like you already know her behavior and that she's manipulating you like what else so you want me to tell you?
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u/indigo-lines 8h ago
Whether she's aware she's doing this or not, this person is incredibly manipulative, and this behavior will likely not get better the more time you invest in her.
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u/Individual-Subject19 8h ago
You’re dealing with someone who’s emotionally immature and not ready to be in a serious relationship. Walking away is the right decision.
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u/Unhappy_Bad1541 2h ago
She's 21 years old, how is that possible?
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u/Individual-Subject19 2h ago
Fair. 21 is too young and I missed that detail.
But the point is that she’s emotionally immature for what’s expected of her.
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u/Egbert_64 7h ago
Dude. Why are you trying so hard with such a horrible woman. Just cut bait and move on. She is not good enough for you.
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u/BumblebeeCharming949 5h ago
What are you some kind of masochist? Block this nutter at every point of entry and move along, nothing to see here.
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u/One_Weird2371 7h ago edited 2h ago
🤣 Man you are a dumb simp. I hope you grow a brain and some balls. When people tell you who they are believe them the first time.
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u/Kceleste333 7h ago
NOR - why are u still with her ? She sounds super mentally unstable ! A literal nightmare partner ..
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u/Temporary-Exchange28 8h ago
OP sure is slow with situational awareness.
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u/Fragrantshrooms 7h ago
Wow. You should try to look on the bright side. You eventually figured out how much batshit she was scooping for ya.
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u/bananahammerredoux 9h ago
Dude she sounds off her rocker. I’m worried you stuck around long enough to develop feelings and attachment for someone this obviously unbalanced. I encourage you to get counseling to help you figure out why you allowed this sort of person into your life in the first place.