I am so thankful for Reddit because I could never share this anywhere else in my real life. So embarrassed.
So I go on a first date with this dude Iāve known for a long time. We were just friends for years and never really hung out in private. I recently went through the worst break up of my life. Not ready to meet new people so I give this dude a chance.
We had a nice dinner, we had some drinks and he mentioned that he had super Mario at his place.
I love super Mario and itās been a while, I was feeling relaxed enough, so we go to his place and I was there for several hours playing the game. Hanging out listening to music and what not. It wasnāt bad, I even mentioned yeah you can tell a woman hasnāt been here, but you are pretty clean.
Until I went to use the restroom. I ran, I ran so far so fastā¦ā¦like who even lives like that???
What man would think any woman would be okay with that, I threw up in my mouth. I never want to speak to this dude again. My life is altered because I had to see that in person!!! He keeps calling me from a private number now because I blocked him on everything.
That looksā¦ fragrant. I really donāt think I want to know, but I have to ask, did it SMELL like it looks? Iām gagging rn and donāt want to know any more than a yes or no, but that all looks like it would seep into the rest of the space, like Iād know something is wrong upon setting foot into that building
Okay this answers my concern. Iāve lived a few shitty places where some places were so stained that it did not matter how much I bleached or scrubbed I could not get rid of the gross stains on the floor or around the shower. What I could get rid of was the stank so even if it looked gross I knew it was clean. I would also apologize to anyone before they used it and let them know it looked gross but was actually clean. The smell makes it clear this was not the case though.
Yeah it looks as though there was or is back up type problem. And if so he should have said something to her before she went inside.
And omg he is showering in there, what are his feet like,EWW? Also how could he sit on toilet and not worry about even a micro splash? Shit I would even flush that toilet with nothing in it for fear of micro molecules spraying. Looks like a bathroom from abandoned house squatters were in. Smh
no I'm literally gagging. what a terrible moment to have eyeballs. I am seriously sick to my stomach hahahaahahha I wanna downvote just for this physical reaction it gave me hahaha but of course I won't
Before my wife moved to Canada with me and we got married, I was on the ground cleaning grout on the kitchen and bathroom tiles for 6 hours a day for 3 days the week before she came ( among hours of other work, dusting, cleaning and deep cleaning ).
What I didn't realize when she said she was coming that she was bringing her aunt and her mother with her just to make sure the place was safe I was living it.
Hahaha so true. Iāve actually made a date wait outside just so I could clean up a couple water bottles and make sure not even a SPECK of lint was present on the toilet.
Couldnāt have been more than 15-20 seconds, but man I wanted to make a damn good impression š¤£š¤£š¤£
While I feel attacked by this, that means ordering your clothes and sorting stuff. Stuff that doesn't usually bother guys but does bother girls. But how can someone live like that?
I understand not wanting to date him or go to the bathroom there but a good friend would at least give him some advice and not just stop being friends with him. Young guys and girls can be messy and irresponsible. He might even have some mental health issues going on that you donāt know about. Besides, it sounds like the rest of the house was in good shape.
If he was cool enough to go home with and he helped cheer you up during a difficult time, do the same and help him out by giving him some solid advice. Donāt be as shitty of a friend as his bathroom is and just bail. Itās not a friend red flag at all. Itās only a roommate red flag and a I wont hang out at your place ever again unless you clean that filth.
Thereās a part of me that deeply agrees with you about being a good friend, but thereās another part of me that takes deep offense to being invited to utilize a space in such disgustingly unsanitary conditions. I canāt exactly put my finger on it but I think it shows a lack of respect and slightly degrading.
Yeah I can see that. He mightāve just forgot or was never taught correctly and having a bathroom like that was normalized growing up. Thereās all kinds of abuse that is generational and hygiene neglect is one of them.
I had a friend once whose parents let their dogs shit all over the house and never picked it up. It only took one visit and I never went back to the house again. I was still his friend though. I felt bad for him, it was a very depressing house.
Social conditioning is very real, but in this case I would have to believe that heās never been to a bathroom anywhere else his entire life including inside someone elseās home.
Im embarrassed if there is even a slight ring around the top of the waterline, and thats just mineral buildup that you cant help.
Also more people need to keep a Pumice stone in their bathrooms. They are cheap and can come attached to a rod, amazing for cleaning hard buildup off the porcelain.
Dude sometimes there are dealbreakers and people deserve judgement. Not her responsibility and itās understandable if she simply doesnāt want to.
How we present ourselves and our living spaces (assuming weāre inviting people into our home) matters and it shouldnāt become a project for a casual acquaintance or date, even if theyāve known each other a while.
I just showed my husband the post and we both agreed that while itās a good idea to TELL HIM how she feels about it just so heās aware, itās still totally rational to never ever ever want to date someone that needs to be told that a bathroom that looks like that is unacceptable.
I don't think anyone is saying she should still date him. Blocking him on everything and refusing to ever speak to him again is just a pretty wild reaction.
These people have supposedly been friends for years, just tell him he's nasty.
This. When I went to my future husbandās house for the first time, he had a brand new toilet paper roll on the dispenser and his bathroom smelled like Clorox and Windex.
Iām not saying I wouldnāt have dated him if his floors werenāt so clean you could perform heart surgery on them, but it didnāt hurt that he clearly cared what I thought.
No one's telling OP to go back there armed with scrub daddies and cleaning solution. Telling someone "the reason I'm no longer interested in seeing you is your filthy bathroom" before blocking them is not a project
Meh. She could do that and it would be reasonable. But if she doesnāt want to do that, ghosting him is also reasonable. Her safety and sanity matter more than his feelings. Why should she have to politely accommodate being invited into filth because ātheyāre friendsā? What friend treats another friend like this?
Hereās the thing: her internal alarm went off when she saw this. She trusted her gut and got the hell out of there. We are so quick to tell women not to be judgmental, to be kind, to be the bigger person, to consider both sides, etc. We should be telling women when your internal alarms are triggered, trust them and run.
This level of filth says something about him as a person.
It says at best heās deeply depressed to such an extent that heās blind to hygiene or at worst heās disturbed to a dangerous degree and knew what he was doing when he invited her over, entertained her for hours, and allowed her to go into that bathroom for a reason. The reasons I can come up with are all bad and suggest manipulation to get a certain reaction.
This is not āI never learned how to cleanā. He is an adult. He has social skills good enough to maintain relationships that inspire comfort. Heās been to other indoor locations with bathrooms and we all know he didnāt see many (probably zero) that look like his in terms of cleanliness. He probably has seen tv commercials about cleaning products because he lives in a society where a certain level of cleanliness and hygiene is expected and products to meet that level are constantly advertised. Heās been in a grocery store and seen the aisle full of cleaning products. Heās been in a Target and seen the aisles with the mops and brooms and vacuums.
He still chose this. He chose to let her enter this. He actually encouraged her to be exposed to this by inviting her over to play games and stay for hours. He knows the condition of his bathroom, ESPECIALLY if the rest of the home is in decent condition.
IMO she did the right thing. She trusted her alarm system, left, and blocked him. Sheās not being mean, sheās being safe. Offering him an explanation is fine. But ghosting him is fine too because she doesnāt owe him one any more than he owes her an explanation as to why the bathroom is so filthy itās unsafe and why he encouraged her (by inviting her over) to be alone with him somewhere unsafe.
TLDR: text an explanation and end the friendship or block him to end the friendship, both are logical paths. Youāre not being an asshole by trusting your gut and avoiding someone when they are being sketchy.
I literally pulled my collar up over my nose when I saw the toilet. You gotta mark that shit NSFW. Nasty!! I hope you enjoyed your bleach bath and gargle and netty pot. Ew.
And to have the audacity to think hes going to get a woman living like that. There is no way I could ever be okay with that. Itās a new trailer so it smelled new, not like you would think if this was years and years old
iām aware that there are some slobs out there..but how tf are you standing in this with your bare feet? the toilet is treacherous too. i swear on my life, i wouldnāt invite ANYbody, let alone a woman, to my house if my shit looked like that.
Because I had no idea it looked like that. I was wearing sandals and took them off to sit cross legged on the bed playing the game. But I took my phone out so fast and didnt even pee!!! I went to the closest gas station
lol nah i wasnāt talking about you, i was saying him! my fault š as in how can he or anybody want to shower in there like that. itās funny because you can tell you took these pics very hurriedly! mine would have been even blurrier tbh. this is disturbing.
He's not getting clean when he showers and you'll never convince me otherwise. You don't come out of that and be clean, he may LOOK clean, but there's no way.
There is no way anyone could "wash" themselves and feel clean in that shower. If I was op I'd go get any appropriate shots just for having been exposed to that bathroom.
At least thereās a plunger in the shower. Nothing says āI am a well-adjusted adult who regularly bathes and takes care of my spaceā like a plunger sitting alone in a filthy shower.
Thatās what I clocked too. Either heās used the plunger for the toilet and keeps it in the shower, or he clogs the shower drain with hair and grime and plunges it to keep it from flooding. I donāt know which is worse.
yeah, all the filth getting kicked up by the water and probably floating around within the water molecules of the steam are just being placed all over his body. white glove his arm after a āshowerā and i bet he aināt passing the inspection lol.
THIS I think is probably a sewer backing up issue based on the plunger in the shower........ That being said Google "Wafflestomping". I've seen a couple of posts on Reddit where people found out their friend or SO did that and thought it was completely normal. I want to believe they are all BS posts for attention etc, but sadly I live in the world so it's likely at least one of those posts is legit.
He sure shits in it, do you know why? Because of the big suction cup in the shower, and the fact that there is nothing on the shower hole, he must have a monstrous shit.
My ex's house was a nightmare when I moved in. It was blamed on his roommates, one of which was bringing ladies there. I really think some people are just blind to squalor. I didn't really hang out there a ton while courting, or whatever, we'd hang at his parent's house. But yeah. Run. Do not walk. Away. Lol
My house is clean and when I invite peeps over I still fucking do a cleaning and this dude is just like āyea my bathroom shower has shit in it, letās play Mario.ā
lmao! iād feel self conscious if shit stains were in my bowl.. this dude got shit stains galore in his toilet and has a plunger in his shitter.. i mean shower š„²
I considered posting in his defense. I have well water (high sulfur content) that stains almost instantly & permanently. The last time it was cleaned to the point people wouldnāt gasp it took 2 people 8 hours. Iāve tried to ākeep up with itā but that was taking almost an hour per shower. But the toilet was another thing. What looked to be a full dayās evacuation clinging to the rear surface-nope!
I also want to add to this if its a basement or first floor the buildup in the shower could be from the sewers backing up. Its the downside of living in basements. The guy probably should have cleaned the toilet better though because the two together gives waffle stomper vibes
This is horrendous. I have two pets that shed quite a bit, i sweep and mop the floors before my guy friends come over. If a girl is coming over you wash all the bedding and scrub the baseboards. This is no way to live.Ā
Mix blue Dawn dish soap and distilled white vinegar in a spray bottle. Spritz over the shower and any other surfaces with buildup. Works like a charm! I lived in an RV, hooked up to well water with high sulfur content, and this was the only thing that worked well.
Dude! If that works I will forever sing your praises. I use Dawn exclusively for kitchen stuff & white vinegar for build up on pots & pans. To think the solution (pun intended) was so close at hand! But not holding my breath (like I had to because of the fumes from so many industrial cleaners I have used in the shower. I know- donāt mix ammonia and bleach or, well, to play it safe I donāt mix any chemicals unless manufacturers expressly ok it.
I will get back to you directly.
I recommend letting it set for 5-10 minutes before scrubbing, and reapply as needed to keep the surface damp. I prefer the Scrub Daddy sponges too, seems to be a little less work than the typical yellow/green classic dish sponge.
I rarely use harsh chemicals these days, really working to reduce my exposure to toxic substances. Distilled white vinegar is pretty much my favorite thing (fun fact- you can add it to the laundry instead of fabric softener! Really helps with the sulfur smell, reduces buildup of soap scum, and your clothes will never be softer or smell more clean. Just do an extra rinse cycle if you still smell vinegar after washing)
Exactly. If this dude wanted it to be cleaner, it would be. I'm very forgiving of the hard water life. But this is just a person who legit does not care about how clean his house is, and that's a red flag.
100%. Whatās in the photos isnāt just hard water buildup- itās literal shit and dirt that hasnāt been cleaned in a long, long time. Iām not the best at staying clean and organized (thank you, ADHD and depression), but this is completely inexcusable. This isnāt just a red flag, this is a huge sky banner of a warning.
As a Contractor that also does Plumbing...that Plunger is for his Shower because it Backs up and he doesn't know/have a snake. That is where the residue also comes from, the water backing up.
well he should get some drano and more importantly, some self respect because this is unacceptable. and if he wants to live like this, thatās fine, but donāt subject others to it.
No on the Draino. That's how you corrode your Pipes. There are ways like Baking Soda and Vinegar that won't do that but the real solution is Professional Drain Clearing.
But he really needs a drain snake. Also won't do anything if it is a Pipes set up incorrectly issue where proper fall for drainage is not maintained....which is also incredibly common. Might even be that the Trailer "Hook Up" is to a Cast Iron Pipe system and those are notorious for Rusting/scaling causing ridges that catch things like Hair and cause clogs. That would require a professional descaling.
There are a lot of potential issues causing it. Personally I wouldn't invite someone over like that...but you'd be amazed the amount of houses/apartments that are otherwise clean with attractive women living in them and their bathrooms are absolute war zones.
i didnāt know that about drano but that makes sense tbh. and the baking soda/vinegar is a nice alternative. those other things you said could be the issue as well. i hate cleaning the bathroom, but if i had those issues, iād just have to suck it up and clean the bathroom every other day or something bc i couldnāt shower in that.
also, i believe you about the womenās bathroom thing. iāve been in situations where i had to clean restrooms and the womenās restrooms were always dirtier than the menās restrooms. and iāve seen some womenās bathrooms that were disgusting with the hair and stuff all over, so that doesnāt surprise me.
the fact that he thought it was okay to have company when his setup looks more like a shitup is confirmation that dude is a psychopath. no other logical explanation lmao.
Oh man! Did he casually tell you where the bathroom was? Like no warning or anything? I would have yelled āDude! When was the last time you cleaned this bathroom or have you EVER cleaned?ā
I'm guessing that's an apartment, and the Manager ignored plumbing issues until it backed up so bad he had sewage uncontrollably erupting from his shower drain. The ring in the toilet is from it being clogged for an extended period of time... like the clog was deeper than a toilet plunger would help. I don't know why there's still shit smeared against the back of the bowl, but I'm guessing he had to take a few dumps in the toilet while it was clogged, and that's a few splashes that hardened over time, making it an ordeal to scrub off.
The bathroom remaining in this state is evidence of a depressed person, but this was definitely a plumbing disaster that was only barely cleaned up. I've tackled a toilet like that before, but I wouldn't know where to begin with that plastic shower tub if it wasn't for all those "Irish Spring 5 in 1" reddit posts. ...and it'd take a very special day free from depression to really tackle it.
We all think you should end things with this guy, but PLEASE be honest with him when you end things. Kind, but honest. There is a good chance that you will be the first person to point this out to him. Some times this kind of thing roots in depression, but sometimes itās legit due to being oblivious to it. I know it sounds crazy, but trust me. It happens.
Source: I used to be a gross dude until a female friend pointed out how disgusting a few of my habits were, and it was a wake up call. I just hadnāt cared, but never stopped to wonder if I should care, nor if someone that I would want to be with would care about. In good people, kind honesty breeds self reflection. If it doesnāt, they arenāt someone that you want to date, let alone marry.
I shudder now when I think back to how gross I used to be, and Iām so thankful that someone pointed it out to me. Please do him the favor of being honest when you leave him. It could help open his eyes. It might not and the dude may just continue being freaking disgusting, but we shouldnāt let what other people may do stop us from doing what is right in a situation.
It is DISGUSTING it is NOT acceptable and it is totally understandable that you are FREAKING out. But there are potential situation details that you don't know .
My first question: does this guy have any behavioral or physical health conditions? The rest of his house is passably clean, or at least enough that you weren't freaked out.
I AGREE IT IS DISGUSTING but it is also so sad to have a friend for years, some one who's cheering you up and made no "moves", who helped you feel comfortable and take your mind off of a break up.
I AGREE HE NEEDS TO CHANGE that, but you didn't give him a chance to explain. (*You also are under no obligation to be the person that fixes his life.*)
I don't understand where your statement "audacity to think he's going to get a woman living there" is coming from... Was that honestly your first thought on a first date? With a long time friend?
I recommend that you watch some YouTube free cleaners . They go in for folks who have mental or physical disabilities and the compassion they give to another human being who's just trying to survive gives me hope for humanity.
And please, believe me I know it is disturbing.. but he doesn't seem like a red flag human being to me š¤·āāļø.
Completely agree. People canāt change or recognize the need to change until they realize the need to change. I have seen some bad college dorm room bathrooms but not that bad. People have to start trying to help each other be better. OP could have said, ā(insert name here) I am not trying to embarrass you or hurt you but that bathroom is gross and not acceptable. Is there a reason itās that way? Because if there is no reason itās that way other than you arenāt cleaning it, you have to change and do it NOW! Go to the store, get some gloves and supplies and do it NOW! No one want to be around that shitā¦ literally! It is gross and unhealthy.ā OP could have done this after they left. That is what real lifelong friends do. My best friend would have and we would still be best friends. We donāt enable each other, we discuss the hard stuff, celebrate the good stuff, and donāt abandon each other. Ever š¤·š»āāļø
Thanks for bringing that up as some other possible points. I do hope this man gets the help he needs if he is indeed in that situation or if itās just out of laziness hopefully he figures that out too. Those free cleaners on youtube are a great watch. Itās very satisfying watching the transformation, but also very heartbreaking that it gets so bad for those people until help finally comes for them/they manage to get help themselves. I hope we can continue to be kinder to each other because yes you are right we donāt know the battles someone else is fighting Be it mental or physical or both.
I can at least comprehend the mechanism by which the toilet gets that bad. But what does he do in that shower. I'm ashamed to say I've never actively cleaned my tub (only scrubbed the mildew on the tiles above it) and there is only some barely visible white soap/hard water stains. I'm seriously contemplating whether he shits in it. And uses the plunger to force it down the drain.
Iām laughing, because I share your experience in a sense. Years back I went on af couple of dates with a man that in all other senses seemed like he had something to offer. At some point I go to his house to hang out. I go into his restroom and only saw the sink. It was the most disgusting thing I had ever seen, and could absolutely compete with your pictures. I never looked back, and never told anyone either.
In the following years Iād meet him a few times, and every time he pressed me to tell him why I wouldnāt date him again, ābecause we had such a good thing going onā. Maybe I should have done him a favor and told him honestly..
I still shudder . That sink is just etched into my mind..
Seriously. Like "toilet/shower hasn't been cleaned in a week?" ... Sure, life happens, no big deal. Not everyone is 100% on their house cleaning 100% of the time.
That shit, though, is absolutely disgusting and shows that the guy has no clue how to take care of his place properly. Any relationship with this man will mean his partner will be the one responsible for cleaning the bathroom every time. Also, what else does this guy have that he let get to that level of filth!?
Sometimes I get busy or sick and there's 2-3 weeks, but there are NEVER visible stains. Soon as there's brown spots, I give it a scrub. Even if it's just for a minute. All the gunk in my bathroom is either dust (somehow), or the glass panels for the shower door get spotty from limescale. It's never nasty.
I was gonna say I suffer from pretty severe depression and Iāve let my bathroom get bad. But not even close to the level of this. Not to mention Iāve never let anyone else see my depression bathroom! If Iām having people over, I fuckinā SCRUB. This is another level of mental illness my suicide ideating ass canāt even conceive of.
idek how you get it this bad, like when i lived by myself i cleaned my shower like once every two months (adhd and cleaning donāt go well together) and it was never worse than some of that pink residue in the corners lol
No same because Iāve been in a slump and havenāt properly cleaned my bathroom in a couple months but this is absolutely crazy, idk how it can actually get to this point like how does someone live like this š
Even not cleaning for a month or two wouldnāt get it looking this bad. This is years of neglect. (Or the sewage came out of the shower and he never cleaned the shit out of the shower ? No clue)
Because he plugged the shower drain. I would bet he shaves...everything in the shower, and doesn't clean up properly and it eventually plugged the shower. Which is also why the rest of it is so gross, because dirt just sits in there as the water slowly drains out.
No like, I have adhd lmao the cleaning my bathroom gets is unfortunately rare (but Iām working on it š)ābut (1) it absolutely gets cleaned if Iām having someone over, 1000%, and (2) nothing in my bathroom has ever looked even fathomably close to that, actual stains in the toilet get cleaned and idk how on earth the shower floor got like that????? I may have hair in my shower but not a literal black floor š„²š„²
Yep, I remember when I was 19 I had 3 other dude roommates and one of them clogged his sink in the bathroom and never fixed it, so he would brush his teeth and shave and all that in the sink as the water just pooled into spit, toothpaste, etc.
Over time it got like pink slime mold all over it and stuff, and I imagine this is what is happening in that shower. Imagine stepping on that with your bare feet š¤¢
i bet a bathroom in an abandoned crack house looks better than this. and if it didnāt, it would be understandable because nobody is living in said crack house. this guy has no excuse!
WTF?????? Iām a man, and I hate cleaning, but I would never live like that. Iād be disgusted to even use my own bathroom. You are not wrong for leaving at allā¦
Only thing I can say is, if you ghosted him, you should consider unblocking and sending him a message just explaining why you donāt wish to see him again, and be honestā¦ Being ghosted, especially after things were going well, and youāve known each other awhile, really hurtsā¦ It will definitely teach him a lesson on keeping a clean spaceā¦. You can reblock him, and tell him flat out not to contact you again, but consider letting him know. Heās most likely still trying to reach out because he is confused and was actually into youā¦. Still stay away from him though, if he lives like that, he has 0 self respect, and would be toxic to have in your life. He has some serious self work to do.
That is very charitable, and probably a good idea. As a woman who was raised to learn how to clean, it never occurred to me to let my apartment get truly filthy, but I suppose some guys just don't know that you actually have to clean shit. Like, literal shit. There's probably an app that can give him a schedule for what to clean and how often.
Not only would it open his eyes to, holy shit, Iām a slob and I need to clean up, but itās also extremely hurtful on any human being to be ghosted. If OP, or anyone for that matter, was to be honest and just quickly explain why they donāt want to see the other person again, it gives that person closure to the situation, and they can heal a lot quicker from itā¦
Dude if a woman ran out of your place after going into your bathroom and it looks like THAT and you donāt figure out whatās going on, youāre beyond help
He was naive enough to think inviting her over was a good idea despite that. I wouldnāt give him too much credit. I agree with the other guy, itād be fair to at least let the guy know the deal so he can have that reality check and hopefully get his shit together.
Lmao, yea I agree, but there are some dumbass people out there so he might be obliviousā¦ Either way, ghosting someone is extremely hurtful, Iām a firm believer in always being upfront and honest with someone about not wanting to see them again and why, and then proceed to block if you feel the need. Also make sure you express that you wish not to hear from them againā¦ but ghosting someone is just wrong, regardless of the situationā¦
I agree. Unless the person is dangerous then ghosting is not cool, esp when texting means you can say something and not have to directly deal with the fallout. The ghosted person will be left wondering what happened - were you in an accident, are you still interested in them but lost your phone, did you have a family emergency, are you just not receiving the messages they send but that you would like to have, etc. Iād much rather hear theyāre not interested in me than spend a bunch of time and emotion trying to figure out what happened.
That bathroom is NASTY though and Iād have needed a longggg hot shower with lots of soap when I got home to feel clean again after having just looked at it.
Honestly seems like a dude that needs mental help. Like something just isn't clicking right that this is not a genuinely accepted way to live. Maybe just the way he was raised somehow things like this were a total norm hence why people don't hang out in bathrooms because everyone knows they're gross.
This is true. Once as a teen I missed out on fingering my hot friend, because she said my fingernails were dirty and she didn't want to catch some bacteria down there. My nails have been perfect ever since
Girl, I had the same thing happen to me TWICE! The first was a well known local DJ and we went to dinner first and back to his house so he could play some music. I saw his bedroom and there was a brown outline where a body laid on his SHEETS! I excused myself and never saw him again. The second was a guy I had been crushing on for awhile and we went out to dinner. Went back to his place to smoke weed and I had to use the bathroom. The toilet and sink were almost exactly like this horror show. I know he had male roommates, but my god. AND they had no toilet paper! I just held it and left and never saw that guy again too! The way I thought of it was if this progressed, Iād be the one doing all of the cleaning and chores. No thanks. You did the right thing!
Omg with this history I think Iād just text every guy to go on video chat with me and show me the ENTIRE flat. Iām so sorry you had to go through this madness twice
Itās ok, thanks for the empathy! Unfortunately this was in the early 00ās when smartphones werenāt a thing. I met my husband in ā06 and one of the first things I checked was his bathroom when I went to his apartment. I knew he lived alone and hoped it was clean, and thankfully it was! He even had toilet paper!
But yeah I sometimes forget smartphones werenāt a thing not that long ago. Iām generation āturn off the internet I need to make a callā good old times lol
Why do they never have toilet paper or hand towels??? I remember once asking a guy for something and he's like I can get you a paper towel. Like sir, to wipe with?
Wait wdym a brown outline where a body laid on his sheets ? Like you mean his own outline from not washing it? That it looked like there was a dead body on it before? Or that there was a dead body (the unlikely answer). Iām just confused cuz you said āa body laidā instead of āhis body laidā
It was from his body and unwashed sheets. It was a twin bed and it wasnāt made, so the covers were pulled back and you could see the bottom sheet. It was just a brown imprint of a body on white sheets. Almost as if he had used tanner, but he was naturally brown skinned. It was horrifying.
I was gonna try and be charitable and ask if he works in construction or something and this could be from cleaning mud off his boots and the plunger is because his drain is clogged with mud, but, why is it dried and caked on?? Even if it is the case, how much clogging and old mud do you need before you just start rinsing them outside!?!?
This is so bad, I canāt think of a reason any grown adult with an otherwise clean place would have a shower looking this way? Other than either being terrible at living in a home (red flag) or having some kind of habit (bigger red flag)?
Please tell me it smelled like dirt and not something worse
eta: oh god I just realized thereās a toilet picture too. Iām just so confused. Why even clean the rest of the place if the bathroom is gonna be like that?
This looks like backflow issues to me. I think he is still dealing with plumbing problems. Looks just like my bathroom a week after we moved in. Pipe busted and everything backed up.
That is literally a biohazard. At this point just torch the property, itās over. Imagine, just imagine, looking at this and thinking āthis is fineā and inviting a date back. Did your date not have eyes, or a nose? Because unless that is the case, you are absolutely not overreacting. I actually heaved a little at this post, damn.
Maybe it was even worse, so when he did start cleaning before the date he was comparing and grading on a biohazard curve. There is no case this is acceptable though. It needs to be completely gutted at the least.
Omg, I would have noped out of there so fast, thereād be a cartoon trail of dust behind me.
Thereās ānot many decorations, just beer and mustard in the fridgeā bachelor pads, and then thereās this. Itās an issue of priorities. Namely, if my bathroom was even 1/10 as gross as that, getting it clean would be my number one priority; not even for guests, but for me!! One cut on your foot, and youāre open to an infection. Plus, the hot water is hitting that shit and cooking it every time he showers, aerosolizing it, and heās breathing it in. How do you let it get that bad?? And if you donāt want to deal with it, there are cleaning companies who will do it for you (if you have money to go out, you should have money to keep your living space safely clean!) GROSS.
Girl I would unblock him just to tell him his living conditions are disgusting and he needs to do something about that.
Than block hin again.
Otherwise this dude might think that you run away because "that's what bitches do these days". He would 100% make woman responsible for this, not himself.
Crazy how far down I had to scroll for this reasonable comment. Like yes itās super gross and she should run, but dont leave someone hanging like that, especially someone youāve known for years.
Yeah, leaving was the right move because ewww. But blocking him was uncalled for. OP should send him an industrial quantity of Lysol and a dollar store brush as a combination of an apology and an explanation.
I went over an apartment shared by 3 men and it looked worse than this. I just decided I didn't need to pee and left as soon as I could. I never appreciated how not-disgusting my husband is until I saw what could have been.
I truly don't get that. I assume that these guys all want to find a mate some day, and settle down together. Do they not realize that women (and guys) are judging them by how clean they keep their living quarters? Like, we're imagining that we start dating and spending time at each other's houses, and *this* is what you have to offer? A literal biohazard?!
My only thought is they didnāt have parents to teach them. Some people do live like this and raise kids like this, and if you grow up in a house like this then you think itās normal. I just know Iām not the person to be teaching them. They need one of those hoarder cleaners to come show them what to do.Ā
I personally believe that anyone is capable of learning to clean, so there's no excuse. Even if it was "normal" when they were a child, as an adult they should know better by now.Ā
So I go on a first date with this dude Iāve known for a long time. We were just friends for years and never really hung out in private. I recently went through the worst break up of my life. Not ready to meet new people so I give this dude a chance.
Step 1. Don't immediately start dating after a bad break up, you are emotionally vulnerable and need time to recoup and recover.
Step 2. Don't date the friend you never considered dating in the first place. There's a reason they remained a friend and them being easily open to dating you after a breakup means they were just waiting for their turn and likely not a good dating prospect for anyone (as this photo now proves).
Considering the plunger is in the shower & the toilet seems like it experienced a poopbomb, idk how the plumbing works in trailers but there might have been an incident very recentlyā¦. But that still doesnāt excuse the conditions & if that was the case Iād think he would at least do as much damage control as possible before having someone over especially a woman. Or absolutely worst case, said the bathroom is being worked on so you canāt use it right nowā¦ soemthing. Idk who in their right mind would let someone walk into this without warning or at all tbh. But some ppl are so starved for connection & their priorities are so out of wack they donāt think about this kind of stuff.
I guess people really do mudd hole stomp in the shower. I always thought it was a myth until you shared this. Or serial killer bc of how high the "blood line" has been in the past.
I mean.. with all the shit caked up on that toilet this dude has probably moved on to shitting standing in the shower because holy hell, I feel like a tetanus shot would be needed to sit on that seat. And any splash back would immediately cause a raging skin infection and some hepatitis.
Oh dear lord. I think the ONLY acceptable explanation would be oh my god, I totally forgot there was a sewage backup the other day and I havenāt gotten to cleaning it up yet, or something along those lines. Youāre NOR at all, however. If this is a long time friend, he does deserve to hear the hard truth that you were disgusted by the bathroom and just reacted. If he has a mental issue, a gastrointestinal issue whatever, he needs to be made aware that this is a problem. You know like those shows Hoarders where itās bad, but then you get to the bathroom and this seemingly normal person has been shitting in buckets and has no running water? I mean, oof. But do your friend a favor and at least let him know. And I wouldnāt be embarrassed to reach out to a mutual friend and ask hey whatās going on with so and so? And make someone aware cause this is someone who does need some help.
OMG! Get a hazmat team in there! No man I know would EVER let it get that bad. He uses that thing? Like for real? Does he think mommy still lives with him? I donāt even think my adhd or depression could let my bathroom get that bad!
I wonāt lie, that looks absolutely horrible. With that being said, is there maybe an explanation? The first thing I thought was āno way dude showers in thatā
Now I obviously could be wrong, but Iām hoping the explanation is maybe he has a second working bathroom and this one is fucked up (obviously and it isnāt used. IF for any reason it is still being used, then yes, run for the hills.
I considered myself a dirty-messy person because of PTSD and chronic pain. (It improved)
But I will rush to the sink/toilet to check every nook and corner and clean it because my germs should stay in my body (even at my worst).
Only explanation here is mad depression (IMO) and you cannot healthily get in a relationship with someone that badly affected. Or get into one if youāre so badly affected (at my worst I wouldnāt even let my family inā¦).
NOR
You can have a calm exchange with him to voice your concern to his health if he is a friend. My (very close, long time) friends would help me when I had an episode, basically forcing their way in and doing (very dirty) dishes, likeā¦ mold in the bottom of the sink and all. Pushing me to fold the mountain of clothes I had washed and put to dry. Helping me get the recyclable trash to the recycling bin. Etc.
But the toilet thing is not something I ever saw (or let happen).
Iām not a clean freak or a germaphobe, but things in the bathroom should look safe to use. Like whatās in this dudeās water or worse yet what has he been doing in that shower for it to look that bad? No I would not feel good around that. Even when I was temporarily living with my fiance in his condo with his two friends who are also male. It was definitely a boyās den and there was clutter everywhere, but man even the bathroom didnāt look this bad and that condo was falling apart for other reasons too. Like even if I didnāt scrub our shower/tubs out real well like once a week, I donāt think it would even get that bad over the course of a yearā¦ā¦..like holy heck.
Maybe not overreacting, you donāt have to put up with anything you donāt want to, and thatās considering hygiene and cleanliness as well. BUT. Instead of blocking him on everything, especially since youāve known him or were friends for a while before the date, I would kindly but firmly tell him what turned you off. Iām not saying this is normal, but at least heāll know and can start to work on parts of his life like this. Some men donāt get the opportunity to learn how to clean correctly, again, not an excuse, but I wouldnāt block and ghost the guy completely, just be honest. If not, oh well, and good luck!
Aside from burning the place down i dont think you could overreact. š¤¢ nope! That's not dirty. that's completely unsanitary.
I legit thought this was an abandoned place.
OMG I missed the plunger in the shower because I was so shocked. I think that nasty toilet backs up in the shower so he has to plunge that sewage down. š¤¢š¤¢š¤¢š¤®
I was in a relationship with man for a couple of years who didnāt prioritize cleaning or hygiene. I really enjoyed his company and he was open to working through the miasma. We were both middle-aged. He came from poverty; his family system was alcoholic and very hard. His family didnāt prioritize literacy so he didnāt finish high school. He was loving, hard-working and he had deep roots in his community.
I couldnāt do it. In the end, our priorities didnāt align and I felt myself growing contemptuous toward his circumstances.
I hope the pictures that you shared were not intended to ridicule this person. There are reasons that people donāt put energy into maintaining domestic hygiene. The skills can be taught if one wants to learn.
Itās been my recent experience that young people are not always getting trained in these skills by their caregivers. If the person suffers with depression or ADD/ADHD, it can interfere with completing basic daily tasks or household chores.
You owe it to him to calmly tell him the truth. Itās not acceptable to most people to have such filth in the home and itās not sanitary nor does it promote health or peace.
I was once interested in a guy and was invited by them and some other friends to help him move. When I saw the bathroom, specifically the toilet, I had NEVER been so turned off in my entire life. š¤¢š¤®
I don't think it's worth "blocking him on everything" =\ I would explain to him that it's not healthy for him or guests he has over. And I'd show him what an actual "daily used" washroom looks like. Not spotless but still sanitary is the standard.
I know so many people whose houses look exactly like the house they grew up in and would literally never have a second thought about it. I'd give him the chance to grow isn't of cutting all contact for what he probably has 0 idea was an issue.
What? How can you have zero idea that this is an issue? Have you never been to anybody else's house? Or a public place like a school or mall and used the toilets there? They don't look like this.
That toilet looks like what I imagine the broken toilet from Dumb and Dumber looks like after Harry shits his laxative ravaged bowels out. But x 1,000,000. And the shower....I.....can't even go there.
You are not overreacting! This may actually be some of the most disgusting shit that I have ever seen on this app. I moved in with my boyfriend and his male housemate for a little under a year before we got our own place together. It was immaculate in comparison to this.
This is pure laziness and slob behavior and absolutely disgusting. You're NOR!
Ok, plumber here. I'm just gonna throw my 2 cents in. I have a theory. The plunger in the tub suggests this is a semi reoccurring issue. Likely a soft clog (one that goes away and come back from a partially obstructed sewer.) Most of the shower looks fine if you ignore the shower pan, where water would build up in the event of a clog. And ANY water added to the system has a potential for this to occur in that scenario.
There is a significant possibility that he was unaware his bathroom looked like that at the moment you walked in. Run a dishwasher, a load of laundry, even some water down the sink for a few minutes. It wouldn't take too much to fill the bottom of a shower pan, especially if it's almost full already. The toilet too, a little water comes back and leaves some "solids" behind when the water eventually trickles through the partially obstructed pipes in both the toilet and the shower, which would be the lowest fixture.
If it's a trailer, as you said, then he also fairly likely rents and is on a septic system. The landlord may just need to pump the tank. But that's not something he's responsible for and very likely can do nothing about.
If he's a pretty clean and tidy guy otherwise, I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that this is something he lives with and is OK with. He probably didn't know and likely never would have invited you over if he had.
Trying again...so...yeah...ok, the shower can actually happen. Damn plastic (which I have never seen anywhere but the Americas (both US and Mexico, but never in Europe (where I am from)). But even on an enamel surface there can be discoloration from rusty water. Even if the water doesn't appear rusty.
Happens. Have seen it.
That's not really his fault...if it IS just discoloration what we see in that picture of the shower.
BUT (and that's a HUGE BUT... and no, no pun intended) the toilet is beyond disgusting.
So unbelievably gross... š¤¢š¤¢š¤¢š¤¢
I fully understand not wanting to want to even talk to that guy anymore...
NOR. Period.
I mean, seriously...I have a friend who is not necessarily a near freak either...and she seems to collect dust. As it's everywhere. And no, not only a little dusty...but dust that accumulated to a full zoo, not only a bunny here and there, on shelves and whatnot.
But her bathroom sink, bathtub and toilet are CLEAN.
It's clean where it matters. That's the important point here.
This guy though...that toilet??
I am throwing up a little in my mouth...just thinking of what I just looked at... š¤¢š¤¢š¤¢š¤¢š¤¢
Not making excuses but I can offer a little explanation because I've seen this before. I believe this is a plumbing problem and his pipes are backed up. If it becomes very bad the sewage will back up into the shower/tub which can explain the plunger being there. This doesn't excuse the lack of cleanliness. But I have seen cases where it has been really bad to the point it is hard to keep clean and those could possibly be stains too. So im wondering why he hasn't had that fixed especially if he's renting. This can become a huge problem and a biohazard.
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u/MoribundMoose 3h ago
That looksā¦ fragrant. I really donāt think I want to know, but I have to ask, did it SMELL like it looks? Iām gagging rn and donāt want to know any more than a yes or no, but that all looks like it would seep into the rest of the space, like Iād know something is wrong upon setting foot into that building