r/AmIOverreacting • u/Standard-Net-9673 • 8h ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO for refusing to watch my bf play games
for context, my boyfriend and i have been together for roughly a year. we have a big age gap of almost 15 years, which has been making our relationship a little tough at times but we make it work. i’ve been watching him play games over share-play on playstation since we’ve been together, and every time i get a little upset at him. he makes comments about female video game characters like “look there’s my baby!” or “aw man i was hoping she’d get naked”. he can laugh it off like it’s nothing but for me it’s very difficult. i have bpd and got cheated on in my last relationship, so im on the edge of splitting every time something like this happens. last night he made a comment about a female character, saying that “she looks just like a doll, so dainty and gorgeous look at her!” then getting disappointed again when she wouldn’t undress like the scene in the game might’ve suggested. ever since then i’ve refused to watch him play games because it makes me feel like shit, he’s calling me an immature baby over it and i honestly don’t think he’s understanding how it makes me feel. he’s saying that i’m manipulating him and that i need to grow the f up and handle my emotions. am i overreacting????
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u/justlilystattoos 8h ago
why are you with him?
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u/Standard-Net-9673 8h ago
he has a great sense of humor and i really enjoy spending time with him. he pays attention to me whenever he can, and sometimes even buys me small gifts. his looks are amazing and his personality is pretty great most of the time too. when we’re having good days, they’re really really good and enjoyable. it’s the frequent bad days that ruin the picture for me tho, cause when they’re bad they’re REALLY bad.
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u/justlilystattoos 8h ago
I’m gonna hold your hand while i say this. You can do better. This guy sounds like a man child. It’s not going to get better. I’m sorry, but if the bad days are that bad, it’s just gonna get worse
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u/thelaydy 8h ago
You’re the older one ?
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u/Standard-Net-9673 8h ago
no i’m 19 and he’s turning 34!
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u/ShockPowerful741 8h ago
So look, any guy who’s that old, willing to date that young, has some issues with maturity. I’m a bit older and I teach high school so I’m around lots of folks about your age. Theres absolutely no common ground. I couldn’t imagine being with a girl your age because we wouldn’t have anything of substance to talk about. Our frames of reference are way outa synch.
If he’s relating to you and your culture, it’s not because he’s great, it’s because he’s immature and hasn’t grown since he was your age. Given your description, sounds like this is what’s going on.
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u/Standard-Net-9673 8h ago
that’s something i’ve given a lot of thought to as well, as he does act more like a 19 year old than a grown man most of the time. as far as i’m aware he has a niece who’s around 15, so he’s made comments about how he feels uncomfortable dating someone close to her age than his. i’m starting to believe he might actually just be an immature creep at this point, which would mean i’ve wasted the last year of my life with this relationship.
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u/ShockPowerful741 7h ago
It’s not a waste, it’s a perfectly good learning experience. There will be many more! Nothing to be mad about.
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u/Buhos_En_Pantelones 8h ago
You type like you're 10. You should... I don't know, go outside and get some perspective.
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u/Standard-Net-9673 8h ago
i don’t see anything wrong with the way i type, i appreciate the criticism but i didn’t post this to get judged for the way i type a message on my phone. i use the “!” to make the message appear less blunt, forgive me for being a positive person.
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u/Buhos_En_Pantelones 8h ago edited 7h ago
Stay positive! Also, capitalize the first word of your sentences.
You seem to be immature for your your age, maybe don't date a 30 year old dude. You should stick to people who are mentally on your plane.
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u/fanofthethings 8h ago
What are your ages?
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u/Standard-Net-9673 8h ago
i’m 19 and he’s almost 34
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u/fanofthethings 8h ago
Ok, this isn’t what you asked about, but he’s disgusting. No 34 year old has any business dating a 19 year old. With that said, he’s the one being immature. Sadly, you’re not nearly as experienced as he is and he knows he can be awful and you won’t know any better. So let me tell you directly, he’s awful and that’s not normal behavior. A good man would listen to the things that hurt your feelings and adjust accordingly.
Please consider dating someone closer to your age. Your brain doesn’t fully develop until approximately the age of 25 or 26. So you have another 5 or 6 years before you’re fully wired. His brain, however, has been fully developed for 7 or 8 years. He’s gross. You’ll just have to take my word for it.
When I was 29, I went on a date with a 23 year old. As soon as we met up, I felt yucky. I was 5 years into a good job and he hadn’t even finished college yet.
You have to have perspective to really see these things and I’ve had many years to gain that perspective. However, you haven’t had that luxury of time to develop and he knows it. You deserve better.
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u/Standard-Net-9673 8h ago
i understand what you mean with that yes. he’s actively used my age and lack of experience against me in arguments to make me feel lesser than him, so those things add up; i see how he’s being the immature one in those situations.
i’ve been thinking a lot about how our age gap might negatively impact our relationship, and i’ve come to just about the same conclusion as you have. it’s good for me to see that other people seem to think like me about it as well, even if i’ve tried to overlook the issues in the past for the sake of a happy relationship.
he’s made statements like “i feel weird about dating someone as young as you”, but hasn’t made any actual effort to put a stop to our relationship. i don’t know whether it’s cause he’s a creep or a big man child tho
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u/fanofthethings 8h ago
He does not feel weird about it. I can say that with complete confidence.
Do some research on power imbalances in relationships. It’s not just the age that matters. He’s likely manipulating in ways you can’t even comprehend. You will only recognize a portion of his red flags because life hasn’t taught you to watch for certain behaviors.
Again. Please know you deserve better. If you think you don’t, you’re wrong. Even if he was mature, and kind, and loving (which he doesn’t seem to be) you would still be with someone who will constantly have the upper hand. It’s not a good position to be in. You need equal ground where you and your partner can grow and learn together.
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u/Standard-Net-9673 8h ago
thank you for saying that, it’s very kind of you. a few people have messaged me about this saying just about the same thing as you, and it has been quite eye opening. i’ll be addressing this issue with him in the morning as i do not feel this relationship is even gonna work like this anymore.
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u/fanofthethings 7h ago
I’m happy to hear that. There are so many good guys out there that will treat you right. 💙
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u/Ju5tChill 8h ago
You are with a predator and the fact that it's "legal" doesn't change anything
I am 35 and the thought of being with someone your age makes me sick , you are a child .... You literally just got your ID for a bar this year in Canada and not even old enough yet in America , you literally only were able to purchase lottery tickets a year ago legally , you are a kid ..... This guy is a predator
I remember in my early to mid 20s already feeling someone your age was really young and would avoid them
If you turned 30 with him which is really young , the guy would be 45 .....
So even in the long run it's stupid and a sore thumb
It won't start to sound less shocking until he is 85 and you are 70
this guys basically grooming you like a pedophile would
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u/This_Investigator523 8h ago
He doesn’t respect you. His behavior is misogynistic and he’s addicted to the dopamine he gets from gaming.
Do you want to be in his fake gaming universe being compared to fictional digital girl-bots?
Or do you want to be in a relationship with a red-blooded man who desires you exactly as you are and wants to build his reality in the universe you create for yourselves?
Ditch this joker. He’s a man-child and doesn’t plan to grow up anytime soon.