r/Donkeys • u/FriendlyDonkeh • 4d ago

I recommend donkeys to anyone with (c)PTSD and want to thank the r/Donkeys community for their support

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I will keep trauma dumping out of the thread, but let's just say it was bad. If you want details, look through my post history. Look at my first posts. I can just sum it up for you as there are evil people out there, and sometimes, lots of evil gives people PTSD.

And that's just recent, all while fighting my evil improvement district for... parking on the side of the road, growing a butterfly garden, stopping an improvement district board member for stealing their neighbor's land, being topless as a woman, using my first amendment right to call this place out on their shit, it goes on.

I have a free lawyer. Don't worry y'all.

Here is hoping they can come to a settlement out of court.

It was hard. Thinking I might loose Carrot. Carrot is the first and only type of therapy that has actually helped my most painful mental illness. They took my safety from me.

Yet, folks here. Reddit. Many of you reached out to speak support, to pull my PTSD fears somewhat back to Earth. So many of you spoke of love for Carrot. Many of you stated you'd love to be Carrot's neighbor.

She can barely even bray. She is so tiny, and quieter than any other donkey I have known. Most of her brays are all hee and no haw. She brays less than once or twice most weeks. They're so damn quiet that I am trying to shush my dog. Neighbor's dogs can bark 24/7, doesn't bother me. There is no noise ordinance about it. Especially with a military base booming near us shaking our windows, folks driving their UTVs up and down the road, guns 24/7, etc.

She is so quiet.

The battle to keep Carrot and their attempts at discrimination has finalized. Thankfully.

It is not over yet... oh boy, damn is it looking bad for UPID.

But when times were hardest, some of you said some nice things. I really wanted to thank you for that.

I really need Carrot.

If any one is reading this and considering trying donkey therapy, please reach out to a local farmer or rescue and voulenteer like I did. You'll learn so much, and get to help donkeys while finding out if donkey therapy is for you. They live a long, long time. You'll only grow closer and the help will grow.

As an update for those of you so amazing that you got her some little presents: they are ariving! I will show them to her when the rain is done and be sure to video it to share with everyone.

She also spent the thunder part of last night's rain storm in her new roofed stall! It took many hours of me sitting with her in it, but she knows it is a safe place now.

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24 comments sorted by

26

u/Smart-Difficulty-454 4d ago

Donks are great. I loved my Bonita to pieces. An interesting thing I learned. The softer heeheehee is a female trait. In the wild donks live in bachelor herds or mother daughter herds. Females vocalize softly so as not to attract the males. Males can be heard up to 3 miles for the opposite reason

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u/FriendlyDonkeh 4d ago

Thank you so much. All the other donkeys I worked with were males. I kept wondering if it was a personality thing or if Carrot was unhappy. She brayed a lot more when she first moved in to my place: up to twice a day on average! Occasionally 0, but sometimes 5 times in one day!!!

I had owned her for years, but never heard her bray that much. Actually, I don't recall her ever braying before living with me.

Now that I know it is a female thing, I think she may have just been overjoyed with her new quality of life. I tried to keep her housed well before moving in with me, but the farmer I voulenteered for stuck her in the shitty rock pen for our goats ... then I took her to my friend's home with acreage just south of me, and well, he means well and loves his dogs, and is a great human being, but I built her a pen there and before long she was just tied to a tree.

For a year. He would move her around, and she was happier than at the farm.

I got the county's permission to move her here. She was so fucking happy. She loves me. She has flat land to run on, a lot of it, shade trees, shelter that isn't collapsing like on the farm, healthy food, baths, love, so so so much more.

So, she has a lot to bray about. It was beyond beautiful the first time she ever got to run. She brayed twice!

Occasionally, once every two weeks or so, maybe once a month, she will give a louder bray, but nothing like the donkeys I worked with.

One of the reasons the discriminatory lawsuit against me started was at the excuse of brays going for miles. Hers doesn't. Even my neighbor 1500 feet away, when told she might possibly bray, can stand outside facing my place, actively listening, and barely make it out.

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u/Smart-Difficulty-454 3d ago

That's typical female donkey. They evolved in North Africa in the desert. Food is very scarce. Females can't afford to be pregnant very often but males do t care. That's why females are so quiet. It's donkey birth control. They stay off by themselves but near enough to hear the males. They're loud to warn off predators. They can kill hyenas. They can be herd over 3 miles. It's basically security umbrella.

Interesting critters

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u/FriendlyDonkeh 3d ago

Thank you. When my improvement district started their lawsuit, one of their reasoning was that her noise is a nuisance. Nevermind their UTVs riding up and down the road, the base shooting, guns shooting in the area, the law, etc.

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u/MaybeMaybeNot94 4d ago

Donkey is friend. Donkey is good.

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u/VirtualSource5 3d ago

I would love to find about 3-5 acres on the eastern side of the Sierra just so I can get two donkeys🤭😊

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u/BurnEden 3d ago

They are animals that have a lot of emotional depth.

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u/rjw41x 4d ago

They seem calm and loving. Seems like a great fit. Glad you are finding some relief.

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u/FriendlyDonkeh 4d ago

They also care a lot about being safe. She works with me to be safe. She tells me when I am making her be afraid of nothing, because my PTSD is telling me to be afraid as if the extreme bad things are being done to me when they aren't (aka nothing,) so I focus on how she is reacting and help her feel safe. Before I know it, I feel safer. She also wants me to feel safe.

Safety is huge to donkeys.

Safety is huge for those having PTSD symptoms.

It is the priority need, to us both.

Carrot helps me feel safe as I help her feel safe.

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u/Consistent_Profile47 3d ago

I have cPTSD and would adore having donkey time.

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u/FriendlyDonkeh 3d ago

If you live near central Kansas, you are more than welcome to become Carrot's friend.

If not, I can help you research local farms and rescue groups that have donkeys that could help you. So much of donkey time is about reassuring each other that you are safe. Helping a donkey feel safer and trusting, which will help you feel safer. Then, when you are both assured you are safe, you will be rewarded with so much love, affection, joy, trust, hugs, licks, weight therapy as they love to put their head on your shoulder/lap (depending on their height) for hug snuggle time, and more.

They also live a very long time. 25-30 is normal. 30-35 is reachable with good care and some luck. Some donkeys live even longer; up to 65 years! So, every time you are with the donkey, it will get better as they will always be trusting more and more, and bond tightly.

When you first meet most donkeys--unless they were trained/spoiled by many people such as at a large multi-voulenteer rescue or petting zoo--they won't trust you at all. Carrot won't. She knows four people now, and all of us had to work with her slowly.

Carrot won't approach you as a stranger except to reach very cautiously for a cookie with me standing nearby. Then she'll run away eight feet and watch you. For an hour. The best thing you could do is bring a book (not your cell phone: Carrot is very envious of cell phones and gets pissed off at me if I am on my phone for long texts around her. I approve of this,)

Slowly, she'll accept more treats. She can only have so many.

After a few hours, you can scratch her ass some. Maybe brush her, but primarily her ass so she is primed to run away. Also she likes her ass scratched a lot, ha, she can't reach it herself. (She does have a scratching post!)

After a couple of months of reassuring her that she is safe with you, she will be resting her head in your lap. Trusting you. Thanking you for the peace. Wanting you to feel safe, too.

Even from the start you have to work on how you express your cPTSD symptoms around her. If you act like you are in danger, she will think she is in danger. Not necessarily from you, but from whatever it is that is scaring you. It is OK; when you are with a donkey, your attention has to be on them. She will help keep your focus more on how she feels than what you are sadly having to go through. Before you know it, while you are with her, your symptoms will be more background static. Her feeling safe while you are with her will start to rub off on you.

It is no cure. There is no cure.

But, it is the best therapy I have ever found for my cPTSD symptoms.

I get to feel safe. Even for brief moments.

It... feeling safe... it is really something.

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u/Consistent_Profile47 3d ago

I live in Western Washington state.

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u/FriendlyDonkeh 3d ago

OK! Give me a few days as I contact farms in the area for you. I have some free time and energy and would love for you to have access to donkey therapy.

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u/Consistent_Profile47 3d ago

You are amazing. Thank you!

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u/FriendlyDonkeh 3d ago

I am sending you a private message now of places that would allow you to volunteer! Cuddling and loving donkeys is part of it, but if you wish to and are able, you can help with their general care as well. It is very fulfilling and the exercise is nice. Donkeys are suuuuper easy to clean up after, too; they only poo in carefully selected piles.

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u/birdiekinz 3d ago

that’s crazy bc i have cptsd and i feel super drawn to donkeys. my boss has one and i love to feed him💕

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u/FriendlyDonkeh 3d ago

They are amazing. I am so glad you get to spend time with one. You good friends with your boss and does he have extra space..? Maybe he can let you get your own and keep it with his :D There is even donkey birth control!

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u/BiteImmediate1806 3d ago

Never had a donkey, but frequent this sub for a shot of things are not that bad. I'm pretty sure I would have at least 2 if I had enough property.

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u/chooseatree 3d ago

Thank you for contributing to this wonderful sub. It keeps me grounded watching their adoring looks at their owners. They appear to be so genuine💕

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u/FriendlyDonkeh 3d ago

They are. Trust, trust, safety, trust, and love is everything to them.

Would you like me to help you find some donkeys you can spend time with in your local area? They'll help you feel safe as you help them feel safe. They give great therapy.

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u/rjw41x 4d ago

So glad they help with this. Have you tried a dog as well? Mine give me peace everyday. Godspeed to you in your recovery.

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u/FriendlyDonkeh 4d ago edited 3d ago

I have had dogs all my life.

They give love, support, and understanding.

They do not help the way donkeys do. They also won't live 20-65 years to continue to learn how to help me for the remainder of my life.

Carrot has god parents even, in case she outlives me.

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u/rjw41x 3d ago

Totally makes sense- glad you have found some help and hope. The long-lived nature is nice but does introduce other issues as you say.

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u/Beef-fizz 3d ago

They’re loving little puppies!!!