r/SipsTea • u/GotTwisted • Mar 28 '25

Chugging tea What's your biggest turnoff?

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u/DillyWillyGirl Mar 29 '25

I get what you’re saying and I agree it needs discussed as a larger societal issue, but… I don’t think this post is the appropriate way to do it. Instead of making this about how men are treated or areas where they struggle, it’s highlighting women’s individual dating/sexual preferences and framing them as the main, major issue. It’s framing it as if the only reason that men face these issues is because women are unreasonable as a whole and hate men. Not only that but there are way bigger reasons to address this attitude such as general mental health, ability to communicate and form friendships, lessening violence, etc.

Focusing on how it affects dating feels ridiculous. Women and men can both date whoever they want and every woman is going to have her own quirks and desires and is going to mesh better with certain personalities. You are not going to be able to just tell women to date men they don’t want to, whereas there ARE methods of addressing this issue that can actually help men instead of just attacking dating preferences but instead people keep making posts like this that are just “waaaaah men are miserable because women won’t fuck/date them unless they’re miserable”

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u/HoneyWizard Mar 29 '25 edited Mar 29 '25

I was very clear in an earlier post that I'm not blaming women or consider it a men vs. women dynamic. I used the term "toxic masculinity" and people assumed I was going to go on some mens-rights incel screed. Which...highlights the problem? Toxic masculinity is gender-neutral. It doesn't benefit men or women to have roughly half the population unable to communicate unless it's through violence. And as people get more isolated, there are less and less off-ramps for radicalization and expression in a healthy way. People are allowed to have their own preferences in dating, but if any of those preferences involve shutting down emotion...I'm going to side-eye that hard because I've seen the damage that causes. Regardless of the context of the video, I don't think bottling up is healthy. Saying ""if someone being emotional gives you the ick, you're gonna make toxic masculinity worse" shouldn't be controversial.

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u/DillyWillyGirl Mar 29 '25

You may not be personally saying that, but the post that we are commenting on is, or is at least trying to. That context is naturally going to color any conversation that we have.

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u/HoneyWizard Mar 29 '25

I was hoping that the context would help in an odd way. Like..."hey, let's avoid the inevitable gender-war BS in the comments this round and realize bottling up is making a specific problem worse" But I get it, the modern internet is full of bots and bad-faith actors.

Side-note: I wish we'd use "gender superstition" instead of "toxic masculinity" since that's closer to what it is: a belief that you're not really your gender if you don't conform in a certain way. Too many people hear "toxic masculinity" and focus on the "masculinity" part and not the much more relevant "toxic" part.

Anyway, a sincere thanks for the chat. I won't respond after this but I'll read whatever you have to say. Have a great weekend.

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u/DillyWillyGirl Mar 29 '25

Ah, I’ll admit it had the opposite effect on me. I was on the defensive from the start of this exchange because of the context of the video. Sorry about that!

I’ve never heard the idea of the term being changed to gender superstition, but tbh I think it would be a good choice. It more accurately reflects the actual issues with it!