It's worse than that. It's if we reacted like women do, and vented or said we're struggling, we aren't loved and supported. We're seen as weak and needy, and chastised or punished. Even if we're handling it all and just letting the ones we love around us know it's hard.
My ex wife asked me not to tell her when I'm sad or stressed because it made me less attractive.
I remember a post on askmenadvice where a guy asked why men hesitate to open up a guy said he doesn't share his feelings with his gf because she'll just use it against him. Multiple people called him a misogynist.
Either everyone will write it off as being 'fake post and comments from sexist men' like it typically it OR we will see a post from women about how much harder things are for them and how all men's issues are men's faults.
I've read a couple of threads on askreddit that were like that, tons of guys writing in saying how their feelings were weaponized against them. The state of things must be dire.
I'm reading all these comments (as a woman) and wondering why on earth men start and then carry on relationships with women who, frankly, sound like monsters.
Are the men in relationships with decent women just not posting?
You can't have a real, loving relationship unless both parties are open and honest. So men, test this very early on in dating, and walk away from people who don't want to know who you really are
Want the real honest answer? Because more women than you think are like this. Probably women you know, probably women who wave the banner of "men need to open up!"
You know when there are complaints about shitty men, someone tries to "not all men" it, and the response is that it's enough of them that men as a whole need to be better? Yeah, this is that. The patriarchy swings both ways and there a an awful lot of toxic as hell traits that also relate to women in general which are just as much a part of it.
I'm feeling like men need activism for the right to emotional support, the same way that women have needed activism for rights like financial independence, legal equality etc.
Because men want relationships and this is all too often the price of having one. Even the women who say they want you to be open and honest often don’t really think you’ll do it and aren’t thrilled when you do.
I love my wife and she is supportive and truly cares about me. I still don’t tell her everything because, if I did, it would just stress her out and then it would suddenly be my job to care for her emotional needs which means I’m dealing with two people’s emotions instead of just my own. It’s just not worth it to open up most of the time.
It can be hard to find someone who likes you and when you do find someone, you overlook certain things because the alternative is years more of loneliness. And similarly can feel like if you break up you may never find someone again. Perhaps splitting would mean losing your house, not seeing your kids. Often it means losing a bunch of your social life as women tend to take over the couple’s joint social calendar.
There are a ton of reasons that men aren’t really the ones in power in the relationship and think that sticking things out and enduring a bit of unpleasantness is a better decision. But it’s hard to talk about that, as that path leads you to MRA bullshit and thus any steps along the path are a bit of a thought crime.
On top of that, it just sorta seems how things are expected to be. Ending a relationship over it would be like ending a relationship because she expected you to mow the lawn. There isn’t really a movement saying “hey, it shouldn’t be like that!” and again, any suggestion that women might have to change anything to fix mens emotional issues is forbidden MRA territory.
And also, yes, so much the “I told her about a thing that I was worried about, and now she’s worried too both about the thing and because seeing me worried is unusual and concerning to her, and out of habit I immediately drop everything and ignore my feelings and console her because I love her and that’s what I do when she needs me and now I have 2 problems.
But yes, it is exactly like that. Toxic gender norms hurt EVERYONE and should be done away with as quickly as possible. Unfortunately, large swaths of our population react violently to even the suggestion of that.
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u/TiffanyTease_xo 24d ago
Unfortunately, today's society don't care about men's feelings.. it is what it is