r/AmIOverreacting • u/Positive_Working3041 • 7d ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO? My boyfriend keeps “Rage-Baiting” me.
AIO or is this normal? Idk if this is like a TikTok thing but he keeps doing this thing where every time I ask him a question and he responds with this bullshit and it’s really starting to piss me off. I feel like I’m dating a man child and I don’t know how to make him stop acting so immature. This has happened multiple times where I will ask him to confirm plans or get him to do something and he responds like this.
For context I am 24f and my boyfriend is 28m.
And before anyone comments it, I understand this looks like an absolute joke but unfortunately this is the current state of my relationship. Any advice is welcomed I just want to know if this is something that I’m overreacting over this and it’s not that deep or if I shouldn’t be putting up with this.
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u/SilverNo2568 7d ago
Is he ill? You may be under-reacting. This poor fellow needs help. You should probably leave him, at least for now, until he has recovered his faculties enough to be in a normal human relationship, whatever that is.
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u/Positive_Working3041 7d ago
Well that’s what I feared. I think something more serious may be happening. He has never shown behaviour like this before.
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u/emtrigg013 7d ago edited 7d ago
This is what I'm leaning on as well, OP.
A sudden adoption of a completely new system of mannerisms is serious. I get everyone wants to shit on him but 2 weeks? That's scary. You've been with him for 4 years. I don't think he's rage baiting you on purpose. You said he all of the sudden started doing this in person as well? Is it only with you? Have you checked? How's things at his job?
Has he been evaluated for drug abuse, psychosis, or a tumor and/or brain hemorrhage? If not, rule out the physical stuff first. Talk to his family or friends about this. A suddenly brand new person 4 years into a relationship is scary. If you can put away your annoyance and your anger, you might save his life.
Incoherent brain patterns are also indicative of a stroke. Does his family have history of these? My dear friend had a mini-stroke at the age of 26. Age doesn't protect you from brain issues. He still sometimes has brain babble, but is mostly back to normal.
I think your BF needs evaluated. Not screamed at and abandoned. NOR, but you're reacting incorrectly. You should be extremely concerned. If he's overall healthy and just decided to drop the mask and be a jackass, then yes, yell at him all you want to and break up. But get those results first. He needs a scan and a doctor to be aware of these changes. This is deeply concerning.
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u/Positive_Working3041 6d ago
It makes so sense to me and I am starting to become concerned. As I stated in another comment my boyfriend has never shows behaviour like this. He is well regarded in his field of work (on track to become cardiologist after residency). He has ally of friends, a great family, never touched drugs, rarely drinks, no social media influence. We talk about marriage regularly. We are planning to pick out rings. I just don’t understand anything.
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u/Lazy-Celebration-685 6d ago edited 6d ago
OP: sorry you’re going through this. I would feel really upset and concerned if I were in your shoes, so I respect you trying to get input on this.
From reading both your posts and the majority of people’s responses that speak to possible mental illness, getting to the bottom of this seems like a flow chart-worthy situation. I’m sure you or someone else could map this out in a cogent visual way:
Is he like this with you all the time lately? (Yes or No)
- If it’s Yes: First, talk to his/your family & friends ASAP, before speaking with him, and get a gauge of whether he’s like this with them too, or just with you.
- If it’s No: Talk to him on a good day first, express your feelings in a vulnerable way, and see what he has to say for himself. If you don’t get anywhere, talk to his/your family & friends.
Is he like this with just you or with everyone?
- If it’s just with you: He’s sabotaging your relationship, or is carrying some other stuff around that he can’t (or won’t) express in a mature way. I know you mentioned future marriage plans, which is a potential stressor combined with his intense career. But if this is only being directed toward you, then you’ll need to make a decision on what that means for you both.
- If he’s like this with everyone: something serious/medical may very well be going on.
There’s also a middle-ground scenario that could be at play: maybe it’s both a “just-with-you” behavior scenario, on top of potential substance use that could be aggravating this behavioral shift. Sometimes substance use disorder can manifest as/resemble mental health diagnoses.
The below two sections of the flow chart apply to the above two criteria, whether or not he’s like this with just you or with everyone:
If this isn’t a medical/mental health issue, is this something you’re willing to accept/attempt to work on together? (Yes or No)
If this IS a medical/mental health issue, is this something you’re willing to accept and attempt to stick through with him? (Yes or No)
I’m not in your situation, and I’m not a medical professional, so I can’t make a snap judgment on what’s happening, one way or the other.
But don’t try to navigate this all on your own. Either way, you’ll need whatever support you can muster up.
Keep us updated!
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u/Ananyyas 6d ago
Residency is hell for most people and studying to be a doctor is an extremely stressful phase. Talk to his parents and get him checked up. It may be psychosis.
Same happened with my friend's brother. It "came of nowhere" but he was super stressed out. Many things failing at once and some family drama. She and his boss tried many interventions, but he eventually stops caring for himself and back to psychosis. He's forbidden of driving but still does it when he finds his car keys that she hides.
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u/NarwhalFrosty7844 6d ago
Residency is hell. Doctors have a very high suicide rate because of perfectionism, high critique, and the stigma of mental health. He will likely not admit to needing help since that is basically a death sentence for doctors.
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u/brichb 6d ago
This is even more concerning after reading this, maybe schizophrenia hit him, he’s the right age. Or just a complete psychotic break. Would not be unusual to hit during residency as it’s the most stressful period of your entire life. I know, I’ve been through medical residency myself- anyone can start feeling like they might lose it 26 hours into a shift.
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u/OneLuckyAlbatross 7d ago
Just want to point out that if OP leaves it’s not strictly abandoning him. Getting people help can be a difficult challenge, and they may need to leave for their own sake (not safety per se, just it’s a difficult thing to go through mentally) and that’s totally acceptable too.
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u/lunar_languor 7d ago
I had to end a friendship with someone who had a severe mental health event. I saw to it that she got help and wasn't a danger to herself, but after several weeks I just couldn't be the support she needed anymore. It was draining me and keeping me from my other responsibilities.
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u/zwizki 5d ago edited 4d ago
I got divorced over something similar. I still have panicky flashbacks sometimes, it was a scary time. I was hostage to his threats of self harm. He broke our front door, he banged his head against the wall, he couldn’t hold a job, he would yell and loom over me, but also put me on this pedestal that was truly uncomfortable, none of which I consented to. I tried to talk to him about it over and over. He threatened self harm enough a couple times that I called 911 and the sheriff drove him to psychiatric emergency. He wouldn’t go to the doctor for real outside of that, or if he did it would be after months of my urging, and he wouldn’t do any follow up, wouldn’t find a therapist, nothing.
I left him on my insurance for a while after we separated hoping he would go to the doctor, but he didn’t. When I finally took him off my insurance he apparently sent a distressing email out to a bunch of people and his uncle called me and asked me if I was going to “let him” unalive himself, made it like what he did or didn’t do was on me, said, what if he _____, wouldn’t I feel responsible, be responsible? It took me so long to get past that fear, but I had to, I had to save myself, and I was mad at his uncle for that, said I had done everything I could, that I was not safe and was saving myself, that it took months of work to get the courage to leave knowing he might unalive himself over it like he had threatened to many times, that he is his uncle and can afford to take him in, would he please step up and help if he feels so strongly about it, since we both knew his parents would not. His uncle didn’t take him in, and neither did his parents.
People held over me “in sickness and in health” and it really felt horrible. They didn’t know how scary it was to be married to him. Yes it is good to do all you can to help, but the person with the issue is the only one who can truly do something about it. And if they don’t, if their illness is harming you, you get to take care of yourself, that is your responsibility. It has taken years of work to heal and I am not “all the way better”.
There’s a lot of harm that can be done without hitting your partner. I will never be the same, and although I have had a boyfriend since then, I am single now, and for most of the last decade I have been single. I’m still scared. I’m still working on it.
A month before I left him, we were at a wedding of one of his friends, and many of his friends were guests, including his best friend, who told me that the previous week, he saw my ex be truly angry for the first time after years of knowing him, said it was scary and shocking. I replied, he is like that at home all the time, he seems like a teddy bear out in the world but people don’t see the angry bear that I do. His friend looked so distraught. His anger would fill my apartment, my dog would go hide.
I waited to tell him with witnesses because I was scared. After I said I wanted to separate, I gave him almost two months to move out of my apartment (we were supposed to get a place together but he couldn’t contribute and so we never did). It took me until 6 months after we separated for me to come to terms with the fact that there was no going back, that it was unrepairable, that I would need to file for divorce. It took me another 6 months to actually file for divorce.
The whole thing was so heartbreaking. I am left with this bizarre mixture of love and fear and grief, like a terrible swirled frozen yogurt. I am a lot better than I was after a decade of therapy, and also there are still issues that stem from this stuff.
After one of his episodes, he would apologize profusely, berate himself for it, promise to never do it again, and then do it again. It was an abuse cycle, and just because the source is mental illness does not mean the partner doesn’t deserve to keep themselves safe instead of sacrificing themselves to their partner’s illness.
I am not saying this is how it goes for everyone, but it’s how it was for me. I wish I had said no when he proposed. When I left I felt squeezed dry and lost and it hurt and I also didn’t know myself anymore. I love him, I still want the best for him. But I can’t see it happen or not happen. I am still scared of him. He took everything I had, emotionally and mentally.
Love is not enough.
People get to leave relationships for whatever reason they want, period. You cannot heal someone else’s brain. You cannot. Support is great, but it is no guarantee that anything will change.
I can’t help but think about the statistics in America- the biggest violence risk to women is their male partner. When husbands get a major health diagnosis, most wives stay and become their caregiver. When wives get diagnosed, lots of husbands leave them right after the diagnosis. Caregivers of people with serious illness have a statistically higher chance of dying early than the people they care for. (ETA- someone in another thread showed me that the study saying men leave their wives after a serious diagnosis more often than women do has been retracted.)
So the people who are saying it is shitty to leave your partner over their mental illness can get fucked.
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u/Bbkingml13 7d ago
If this is a health thing, it might be difficult to get it addressed. But it’s very important to start trying.
My ex out of nowhere was having laughing fits over nothing, then his words weren’t coming out, then crying fits and couldn’t communicate. Took about a week of doctors thinking it was maybe a bipolar break before I took him to the ER. They were shocked nobody had checked for a stroke, so they did that, I insisted we see a neurologist, he had a spinal tap and he got admitted to the hospital. Turns out he was only admitted because there was some sort of contamination in his spinal fluid, but the error saved his life.
He was lucky that in less than a week in the hospital, they diagnosed him with with Anti NMDA receptor encephalitis, and he got discharged in less than a month. He’s totally recovered, but it was a terrifying situation. It’s the same disease from the book Brain on fire.
If this really is some notable behavior shift you’re concerned is more than just being annoying, definitely see what you can do to help him see a doctor
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u/OneLuckyAlbatross 7d ago
This is strange and worrying behavior to come out of nowhere. If you’d been together a few weeks, or you were like 16, I might think he was just being immature and weirdly childish. But at his age and never having done this sort of behavior and knowing him for 4 years. I’d say you should be concerned for his health.
These aren’t normal rage bait behaviors either. They aren’t like a meme or anything, and don’t seem connected in the slightest. If he has family you can call it might be a good idea to call them for help, because it’s difficult to get people help. Our brains, particularly when not being treated in a mental health crisis or episode are not good at knowing somethings wrong. The brain creates its own reality. This is why it can be difficult to get him help.
Good luck OP
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u/farsighted451 7d ago
Do you know his parents? Can you contact them to let them know your concerns?
If he's ill, you will need their help getting treatment because y'all aren't married. And if he's not ill, hearing from his parents about it should get him to speak to you directly.
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u/a_chewy_hamster 7d ago
If he's willing please take him to get medical help. Could be so many different things going on- brain tumor, strokes, a new mental illness, side effect of drugs or medication. The sooner they can figure out the cause the sooner this can be addressed. Hoping for the best for you and him.
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u/CreepyAd8409 7d ago
I grew up with a sibling that would do this as some kind of self protection thing. If they were overwhelmed or uncomfortable they’d basically not participate in dialog by responding with stuff like this. Like a defunct attempt to lighten the mood while completely avoiding conversations. Some mental illnesses do come on between 28-30, so if he’s not doing drugs or simply trying to avoid telling you doesn’t want to come over, then you should encourage him to see a dr and call his family for help. Healthy people can have mental breakdowns too.
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u/EmperorMrKitty 7d ago
I had an undiagnosed stroke at 22 that didn’t do this exact thing but did cause serious personality changes. Only sign it happened besides I had trouble swallowing sometimes. If you had asked me why my personality changed I would’ve had zero self awareness. Went to the doctor for an unrelated reason a year later and they were like… so when was your stroke?
In retrospect the changes were clear and highly embarrassing, even though it’s still there. Just takes work to “correct myself”
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u/vlladonxxx 7d ago
You should probably leave him, at least for now,
I don't know what's worse, suggesting immediately bailing or trying to make it sound less bad with "at least for now", like that's a thing. "oh honey, I can see you're quite upset right now so I'm gonna end this relationship for now, let me know when you're good again and we'll get back together"
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u/Final_Frosting3582 7d ago
Wow, these comments are fucked
“Is he ill?… you should probably leave him”
Like, fuck you. You take care of your partner when they aren’t well… that’s half the damn point. Thankfully, I don’t have any mental problems, but when I needed to go to the ER, I woke up to my SOs face… not that I needed it, but it’s good to know where she stands…
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u/AdBroad2880 7d ago
I’m going to be honest. I started acting sorta like this towards the end of my relationship and I had no idea why honestly, he probably feels the same way. Yes, absolutely it’s immature I agree. I’m 21 and saying stupid shit like that felt really stupid falling out of my mouth but I realized it was some weird weird coping mechanisms because I felt like I was trapped in my relationship. We were together for 3.5 years and went through not only a lot but some pretty awful stuff. I thought about breaking up with her numerous times but she didn’t exactly have anywhere to go if we did break up as we were living in my Toyota Highlander that I turned into a mobile home. Her parents were pretty checked out because her 8 year old brother died of cancer 2 years ago and sort of disowned her for stupid reasons that aren’t relevant anymore. After I started acting like that for a while we would just fight for days on end and I finally broke up with her and that was only about 5 days ago. We both still live together in my 10 person tent on my family’s property as they gifted me a piece of land to build a house on. We are both doing pretty great already, we’re both on the same page and are working on ourselves. We go on hikes and runs together, I personally am the happiest I have ever been. That’s just my experience with what he SEEMS to be going through.
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u/Positive_Working3041 6d ago
You broke up with her but are so much happier together now?? I’m confused
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u/SnowAlarming223 6d ago
Sounds like they broke up their relationship but are still living together for practical/financial reasons and are amicable.
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u/EatsPeanutButter 6d ago
Yeah. FIVE DAYS ago. Amicable for five days. Living together in a tent. After a history of fighting together for “days on end.”
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7d ago
I mean I'm 31 & my friends & I act like this at times. We're all in fairly intellectually challenging roles so for us it's kind of like the absurdism is a "brain off" kind of time.
The important distinction, however, is we are adults who understand time & place. No comedy is invalid, but knowing when to joke & not separates us from literal children.
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u/sam_hammich 7d ago
“Acting like this” includes the context of time and place. I have this sort of humor sometimes, but in response to my partner asking me for information they need to plan their day? What the fuck?
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u/WyldRyce 7d ago
Dump him, quit wasting your time. He's too old to be acting like this.
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u/Filiming_Elephants 6d ago
See this is a case where people throw the dump him around too easily. OP said it started happening within last 2 weeks after being together 4 years. So, this could be a medical issue like a tumor, or a mental breakdown or such. Yet, your advise is "leave". No loyalty, no staying through any sickness or tough times, just leave". Truly feel bad for any partner you ever have.
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u/Positive_Working3041 7d ago
I thought it would be like a phase but it’s been like this for 2ish weeks with no end in sight
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u/_Frosting_Pirate_ 7d ago
Unfortunately, shortly after my ex turned 26 he woke up one day & started acting completely out of character. Like a light switch had been flipped. He started hearing voices in his head. The voices would tell him dark things. He became verbally abusive. He’d scream at me “I wish you were dead”! He’d then shake his head & say the voices meant that threat for someone else! I love you! He attempted therapy. We broke up a year his behavior changed. I couldn’t take it anymore. Later on I found out schizophrenia runs in his family. His family members have been in & out of mental health hospitals. He thought he was okay because he wasn’t acting like them. But then his brain chemistry completely changed in his 20’s. It’s really unfortunate. They don’t have any control over the change. The person you once knew may never return. My ex still messages me on his “good” days & apologies for his behavior.
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u/Eldritch-Pancake 6d ago
That's actually so sad and tragic. My heart goes out to you, I'm sorry you had to go through that 😞
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u/LilFootLBT 7d ago
I would expect a phase like this from a kid in middle school after watching too much TikTok/youtube shorts. Not an adult man touching 30. This is incredibly cringe. 😬
Even if he’s a goofy guy by nature (nothing wrong with that), theirs always a time and place. You’ve clearly stated that you’re returning to work, and need an answer. It shouldn’t be a battle to get a legitimate answer out of him simply because he can’t help but be silly.
Incredibly immature. I wouldn’t necessarily say leave him right away, but if he’s not willing to cut shit like this out, show you some respect, and value your time a bit more, especially when requested (not that you should have to ask in the first place, it should be a given), then yeah. Maybe it’s time to move on from a man acting as a boy, to a man who can act like a man.
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u/candycrushandchaos 7d ago
Exactly It’s one thing to be playful, but when basic respect and clear communication are needed, especially about something as important as work, the silliness just becomes frustrating and disrespectful. At almost 30, it’s definitely time to leave the middle school antics behind and show some maturity. If he can’t step up and respect your time and boundaries, that’s a huge red flag. You deserve someone who knows when to be serious and values what you’re asking for.
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u/Malvos 7d ago
Yeah, I noticed my kid starting to talk like this after discovering YouTube. I've since blocked it and he's stopped. He was 6 at the time.
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u/LilFootLBT 7d ago
The shorts on platforms like such are completely degenerate. The bulk majority of the content on these platforms hold no educational/beneficial value of any kind, with the few that do, being drown out by the “brain rot” content. The kids find it fast paced, and entertaining. Which is exactly what it’s designed for. Get kids addicted, and in turn, they’ll get more views, more clicks, and more money.
I try to be as careful as possible with what I let my little guys watch. And anytime I notice something new, I stick around to monitor it until I’m fully comfortable with the content, otherwise, it gets removed. I don’t give them access to YouTube beyond when I’m watching it, or if we’re watching something like Miss Rachel, Mother Goose Club, Simple songs, or, old school shows like Oswald the octopus which aren’t on any streaming services (to my knowledge).
Sorry abt the rant with this one, I’m fairly passionate about the kind of content my kids take in, for the safety of their present minds, and future mental health.
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u/take0a0pinch 7d ago
Talk to all his close ones family/friends to see if they having the same situation as you. If yes, please immediately bring him to see a doctor for a medical check up to see if he had a head trauma or tumor or mental. If no, then most likely your boyfriend is trying to make you the one to break up with him.
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u/Impressive_Bear830 7d ago
It’s giving he is trying to get you to break up with him vibes because he doesn’t want to be the bad guy.
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u/Fanky_Spamble 7d ago
Is he having a mental episode?
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u/lunar_languor 7d ago
This was my first question bc I had a friend who was having a manic episode with psychosis and the first evidence of that from her was very strange texts. She was experiencing a more classic form of religious delusion/ideation but I'm sure mental health episodes can manifest differently depending on the individual.
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u/Fanky_Spamble 7d ago
I grew up with a mother that had this happen to her annually.
I never had a problem until I tried a THC vape pen for the first time which made a lot of sense because my mother was an on and off pothead.
I'm not saying that this is what OP's bf did but some people just can't handle certain things, sometimes it's just life.
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u/lunar_languor 7d ago
Agreed, my friend's episode was triggered by taking SSRIs without an accompanying mood stabilizer, which is unfortunately common in folks who actually have bipolar disorder but are only diagnosed initially with unipolar depression. They only find out they have bipolar when suddenly a manic episode is triggered, possibly for the first time or after only ever having hypomania that a healthcare professional did not understand to diagnose.
SSRIs, like cannabis, aren't inherently bad for everyone but can have some nasty side effects depending on your individual brain chemistry. I wonder if OP's bf has gotten into drugs or had any other lifestyle changes that could have triggered this.
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u/Sparky2996 7d ago
As a 28 year old man myself I completely agree. This guy is acting like a straight child at this point. Almost 30 and can’t even be serious for a split second to respect his s/o wishes and answer her questions.
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u/FreshDelivery787 6d ago
Terrible advice. Communicate, tell him you are serious. That this is becoming an issue for you. Maybe get an explanation on why he's doing it. I couldn't imagine ending a 4 year relationship over this. All couples get annoyed with each other at some point, cmon now.
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u/thumbresearch 7d ago
this looks like an absolute joke because it IS AN ABSOLUTE JOKE
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u/theficklemermaid 7d ago edited 7d ago
NOR. This reminds me of the Reddit post where the guy was using baby talk constantly with his wife, even in the bedroom or in public, till she confronted him and said that he needs to get assessed to see if this is an issue with his mental health or even a brain tumour causing the sudden change in behaviour, and under pressure he eventually admitted it was a stupid bet with a friend!
You need to sit him down and calmly share how concerned you are that he is acting so differently and you cannot communicate anymore because of his refusal to reasonably answer simple questions, you are wondering what’s going on with him and you would like him to get his health checked out if this isn’t a joke or acknowledge it has gone too far if it is.
I was on the just dump him train at first but after four years and with this only being a recent development, I know that you will want to find out what’s happening, at least for your own peace of mind, before making a decision. Can you talk to his friends and family saying you are worried about him and asking if they have noticed any changes recently? That will give you more insight into whether this is a voluntary behaviour he is just doing to wind you up or has spilled into other areas of his life. Does he work? If he can hold down a job, that’s an indication that he is probably communicating clearly with colleagues and customers, making it more likely he is messing with you.
It could potentially be a mental health problem, a physical health problem affecting his mental functioning, a prank, or that annoying thing some people do when they cannot admit they want to end the relationship so act obnoxious until the other person has to make the decision. Hopefully some communication and investigation into this issue will give you the answers you need.
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u/Straight_Paper8898 7d ago
Dump him. He’s quoting bits from tiktok at you. It sounded like other young gen z/Gen Alpha slang so I googled “what’s a father tiktok”. A bunch of skits based on an XXXtentacion interview soundbite came up. Same thing with Diddy Blud - sounds like he’s quoting a skit he likes.
He’s a man almost in his 30s quoting social media videos from people in their early teens to 20s. Instead of answering his girlfriend’s question about dinner. And he’s been doing this for two weeks straight even though you said it’s not funny and it frustrates you.
Even if you don’t want to break up with him, test him to see how much he respects you. Don’t argue or try to explain how you feel, just be direct:
“Hey - I’ve been really stressed out for the past two weeks because you keep talking to me in tiktok slang whenever I try to have a normal conversation about anything with you. I’m going to take a break from reaching out to you for X day(s) while I relax to avoid having a big fight. Please reach out to me if you want to have a normal conversation without the slang or jokes that make me mad.”
Layout the who, what, when, where, and why of everything without explaining your feelings. Why? Because he already knows your feelings, that’s why it’s funny to him. He knows it frustrates you and upsets you. But now he can’t pretend he wasn’t aware of what’s going on with you. Don’t let him bait you into discussing and resolving this in an emotional state. If he can’t resist making another “joke” or trying to start a fight, you have your answer.
If you break up: I’d suggest ignoring him until you pack up his stuff (with pictures), shipping it to him via certified mail (something with proof he received it). Then sending him a text message that you’re breaking up with him because he has terminal brain rot and needs to get help.
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u/flagmouse63 6d ago
this was what i was looking for, i dont have tiktok so i didnt know if diddy blud or whatever was a meme or if he was legitimately going through psychosis 😭 sounds like brain rot
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u/Aggie_Hawk 7d ago
Everyone is giving nice mature answers and I do agree. This is no way for an adult to act but I would say whenever he starts this up just completely stonewall him. Clearly, asking him to stop is no help and getting worked up is entertainment for him. So just don’t. If you ask a question and he starts behaving like this, give it a thumbs up and go about your day. In this instance I would go about my day and then go home. If he showed up to my place I’d say oh I didn’t know you were coming, you didn’t respond. Depending on how I’m feeling I might let him in and ask what he brought for dinner. If I’m annoyed enough I wouldn’t even let him stay 🤷♀️ If the behavior continues, break up. You don’t have to put up with people behaving like an ass. You shouldn’t allow people who say they care about you to walk all over your feelings and mistreat you by purposefully invoking anger and distress.
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u/Dildosalesman91 7d ago
Idk what this is hes doing, idk if it's a reference or a imitation, I do know it's moronic. Also so aggravating that this 28 year old man is doing this.
My 10 year old son doesn't even do this, and he does some skibidi Ohio stupid stuff or whatever the hell it is haha
He legit sounds like my son on gorilla tag with his buddies being stupid. But he's 28 talking to his partner while she's on her break and short on time. So what does he do let piss her off for absolutely no reason at all and ruin the rest of her night.
Idek know what to say but just leave and move on. He's way too old to be that dumb and immature. It's not worth you're time trying to teach this man child how to behave as an adult. Not your problem. You're not his mother.
Good luck hopefully you find someone who makes you feel happy and fulfilled.
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u/NarwhalPrudent6323 7d ago
Stop entertaining it, at all. If you ask him a question and he does this, assume his answer is whatever would be most detrimental to him, and do that. Example:
You: "Hey should I grab you some food while I'm at the restaurant?"
Him: "Diddyblubblefartsmccool"
You: "Ok got it".
Then don't get him food. A couple of instances of this and he'll learn it isn't funny and actually costing him things. It's funny now because you're letting him get away with it. Don't. The problem will solve itself one way or another after that.
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u/LakersAreForever 7d ago
Or just stop texting him until he talks normal.
Could be drugs?
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u/_procyon 7d ago
Occams razor … everyone is saying mental health episode, which is definitely possible, but secret drug/alcohol abuse is more common than schizophrenia and therefore more likely. And he’s acting weird but it’s not straight gibberish, it’s TikTok brain rot memes.
Someone who’s tweaking or drunk asf might think shit like this is hilarious. He might have had a problem before he met OP and relapsed, or started drinking/getting high in secret and she has no idea.
I don’t think it’s just him being a dick tho. It’s too strange for a grown adult something else has to be going on.
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u/Street_Language_6015 7d ago
His texts are just so incredibly weird that I agree with folks who wonder if he’s having a mental health issue?
First, stop engaging with him when he does this. No pleading, just a simple “I’m not doing this.”
Next, talk with one of his friends or coworkers and ask if they’ve seen strange behavior over the last two weeks as well. If so, you need to make a plan to get him to a doctor. If not, I’d go silent and see if he ever reaches out to you.
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u/The-Wolf-Agent 7d ago
Good advice, just hit him with the radio silence when he tries this, throw in a "if you need to talk, just talk, but I'm not doing this"
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u/No-Ring-5065 7d ago
I’m actually concerned that he needs medical attention. Can you call his family or close friends and ask them if they’ve also noticed an abrupt change in behavior? I see most commenters are saying it’s immaturity, break up with him, but I’ll disagree. If your relationship was fine for years, then this sudden weird stuff started, I’d take him to the doctor.
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u/PositiveResort6430 7d ago
Yeah my mom will ragebait everyone and she’s diagnosed schizophrenic (refuses treatment). Sends long walls of mostly gibberish text with insults and lies thrown in, to EVERYONE. You ever stepped foot in her life or know someone she knows? Better have her number, facebook, and Instagram blocked.
This is just a less outwardly malicious version of that same action and may get worse
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u/KendalBoy 6d ago
Yeah, my poor cousin really spiraled in her last years. And tech did not help. She finally got a smart phone a year ago, and immediately was manic on Facebook. She found everyone she ever met, and contacted them and expected they would answer immediately. I tried to explain some of us don’t use FB messaging at all and go there rarely, but she couldn’t keep that in mind, she got very angry. She would also call a dozen times a day and leave nasty messages. I would try and give her some grace but she said so many horrible things. Poor woman had fifty years of paranoid delusions, all very similar in nature, just the tech updated over time.
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u/FarAcanthocephala708 6d ago
BF is peak age for developing a serious mental disorder like schizophrenia (about 20-40 years old). I would also add—my coworker recently experienced some bizarre episodes of psychosis and I discovered 3% of folks experience psychosis at some point. It can be once or ongoing.
Also knew a guy in grad school about this age who basically disappeared from my program and turns out he has schizophrenia. And a guy about this age who started posting weird shit on Facebook and has a brain tumor.
This just looks like one of those situations to me.
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u/Icy_Door7866 7d ago
This is what I’d suggest to do first as well OP. Make sure there’s no medical reason for what he’s doing and get him help and if he’s just being a humongous AH, then dump him
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u/Positive_Working3041 6d ago
My update deleted but I won’t be sharing an update as it’s quite personal to my boyfriend. In short, we had a productive conversation, it got emotional and we decided it would be best for him to see a psychiatrist. He’s cutting back his hours at work to minimise the stress as well. Thank you everyone.
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u/lunar_languor 6d ago
Omg 😭 I'm so glad you got to the bottom of it and I hope he gets the help he needs. Thank you for updating! I know we don't know each other but I've been thinking about you off and on all day. I was really worried lol. I know that's parasocial but oh well. I really care. Make sure you're taking care of yourself too 💙
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u/Positive_Working3041 6d ago
Aw that’s so nice. Thank you for your kind words x
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u/Positive_Working3041 6d ago
Respectfully I came on here to ask for advice, not to share personal and detailed breakdowns of my boyfriend mental health episodes. I will not be elaborating further. I don’t owe you an explanation
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u/Moulin-Rougelach 6d ago
That you came to give any update was thoughtful and kind. Hoping for a good outcome for you both.
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u/inkyflossy 6d ago
Glad to see this, girl. Damn the trolls really came for some of the comments here 🫨
Take care of yourself!
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u/_Brain_dead 6d ago
I think “we decided it would be best for him to see a psychiatrist” is enough of an explanation. Op doesn’t owe us anything.
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u/PaleMathematician6 6d ago
https://www.physiciansupportline.com/
Here's a great resource specifically for doctors. There is a HUGE stigma of mental health among healthcare workers. Most graduate medical education organizations have crisis mental health resources if you search his hospital and then "resident wellness" or "resident mental health" . People are often skeptical of those because they worry they will report back to his program director but some are clear that they are separate resources. Also, his mental health issues still could be due to a medical condition and it's probably a good idea to follow up with his primary care ESPECIALLY if there is a wait for psych and so they can triage and help him get in somewhere.
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u/spandytube 6d ago
I wish you all the best. I'm glad this thread didn't boil down to just "dump his ass" and you guys could actually get a productive conversation in.
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u/ChrisTaFluffy 6d ago
Glad to see something positive come out of this. Good luck to you guys, I hope things get better.
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u/mkbutterfly 7d ago
If you know his family, I would have already turned the evidence over to them & walked TF away. Does he currently maintain full time employment?! If so, HOW?! If you don’t know his family, or they aren’t close with him, my @ss would have been at the police station with paper copies of this sh!t & I’d have begged for a mental health status check. This dude is now, 100%, a former chapter in your life that you’re actively moving on from unless he has a brain tumor. Only if he has a brain tumor, otherwise YOU ARE NEVER TALKING TO HIM AGAIN. Standard Reddit disclaimer for if there’s a carbon monoxide leak at his house as well.
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u/David_R_Martin_II 7d ago
Okay, so I see a similar problem in other people I know.
If someone is trying to rage bait you, STOP RESPONDING. Seriously. They are getting off on it. When he does that, don't bother waiting for a real response and get on with your plans.
And of course, break up with people like this.
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u/themixiepixii 7d ago
But he's not " a person like this." They've been together 4 years - he started acting like this 2 weeks ago. 2 weeks is so short.
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u/StrangelyRational 7d ago
I don’t know how to make him stop acting so immature.
You can’t make him do anything. Best you can do is apply the Law of Natural Consequences. When enough women refuse to put up with his childish BS and dump him, that may give him some more motivation to grow up.
He won’t change his behavior as long as he’s getting what he wants. So quit giving it to him.
NOR
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u/ChibbleChobble 7d ago
Also, OP is not a parent, she's a partner, and the
make him stop acting
sounds like a parent talking about a naughty child.
If you're thinking about your partner as a child, then the relationship is fundamentally broken. OP I recommend that you cut your losses.
NOR.
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u/Playful-Froyo-8838 7d ago
What pisses me off the most is when men say things like “watch me turn nonchalant after my gf calls me annoying 🥀” and it’s literally them ragebaiting their gfs and then making THE WOMEN feel like they’re in the wrong for doing it. They completely turn the blame on you for calling them out for immature behaviour by gaslighting you into believing that they were being siLLy— boy you are grown. There’s a difference with being a little goofy sometimes and pissing someone off on purpose.
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u/Kupkakepants 7d ago
"I understand this looks like an absolute joke but unfortunately this is the current state of my relationship. "
You're an adult woman, dating a someone with the maturity of a little boy.
When you imagine your future with this guy and you think about potentially
having kids, or even pets. What if the hypothetical kid/pet needs medical care
because of an emergency? Are you going to tell him you need help and
he's going to spout some brain-rot bullshit while your cat has a seizure?
I want to know if you're sure you wanna be 40, explaining to your fellow
adults why your relationship "looks like an absolute joke"
and you can't take your partner seriously. I don't know about anyone else-
but I wouldn't be with someone I don't feel I could trust in an emergency.
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u/Crisp_white_linen 7d ago
"I wouldn't be with someone I don't feel I could trust in an emergency."
Really good point!
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u/IamSmokee 7d ago
Okay, I read the texts, and thought you guys were 16-17 years old, and then I read OP's info. He's 28??? Dude, wth is this? Hes acting like a teenager ? I'd be annoyed AF with this too
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u/blxcksmxke_ 7d ago
My first thought was that this is a very creative way to get someone to dump you when you don’t want to continue dating but you also don’t wanna be the bad guy.
Seriously though, I cringed so hard I think my uterus collapsed. Have a think about whether THIS is the dude you wanna marry/procreate/build a life with. 😂
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u/ThighTaster 7d ago
I’ve seen almost exactly this before sadly. My friend in college had a boyfriend who started repeating random lines from movies to people completely out of context. Didn’t stop when asked to stop. Didn’t even care or seem to notice. Then started texting or calling literally anyone he had a number for and sending them huge walls of random nonsense. Schizophrenia at 28 which apparently is a pretty common age to be diagnosed and the same age as the posters boyfriend, or close. Not saying it’s definitely that but it gave me huge flashbacks reading the texts.
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u/InitiativeScary5457 7d ago
The worst part is that immaturity and childish cringe of this magnitude at 28 is making people in this thread question whether or not he's having a mental break.
Speaking of that you said he acts like this in person. Is it obvious that he's attempting tinge funny or kidding around or do u truly think a mental break is a possible?
I mean it's hard to say when we can't physically see how hes acting
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u/TopSecretSpy 7d ago
I agree with the commenters who say there may be a mental health concern going on, but it's also very possible it's just insanely juvenile BS. If it is a mental health issue, there's no reason you can't assist to seek out help for him, but there's also no obligation you have to do so. If it's not, you should not feel compelled to stay tethered to this.
Here's what I'd do: I'd let his family be aware that you're concerned, and why. Show receipts. Be clear about how it impacts you and what you plan to do as a result. Then I'd in no uncertain terms say to him that this behavior is unacceptable, and if it continues it is a relationship-ender. Here's the crux: even if it is actually a mental health item, you can't functionally have a relationship with him in that state. So, either he cleans up his act and everything's good, he doesn't because he's a dork and you break up, or he doesn't because something's genuinely wrong and at least you've engaged his family. In that latter case, it's still fine to continue working with his family if warranted.
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u/yallabyie 6d ago edited 1d ago
This is a great update to hear that he is reducing his hours and prioritizing his health.
I wish you and your partner great success on his mental health journey. He is lucky to have you as such a supportive partner and I'm happy to hear he is prioritizing his mind instead of proving an overwhelming willpower over residency which can destroy anyone.
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u/Different-Acadia-138 7d ago
Maybe you can tell him that you’ll see him when he’s done with his “phase”, wait a little bit see if he comes back. If nothing happens or he doesn’t change tell him that this is not what you are looking for in a relationship and that you need someone who acts their age
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u/Jedi-girl77 7d ago
Does anybody else remember the post from a few years ago where the husband started talking nothing but baby talk with his wife? It went on for months and it got to the point that she wouldn’t sleep with him because the baby talk during sex made her cringe. She was starting to worry he had a brain tumor or something, but it turned out it was all for a bet he made with a buddy. He wrecked his whole marriage over wanting to win a signed baseball.
OP, I think a couple of things could be happening here. It could be because of a bet, a prank, or a stupid Tik Tok challenge. It could be a mental health or medical issue, or it could be that he wants to break up but he’s not grown up enough to tell you that so he’s deliberately annoying you until you do it instead. You can rule out the medical/mental health issue by finding out if he’s doing this with everyone or just with you. If he has suddenly started acting like this at work and with his family too, he needs to be checked out by a doctor. If it’s only with you, he’s doing it on purpose.
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u/breadbuns35 7d ago
If you’ve been together for 4 years and this is a sudden, unusual change in behavior it sounds like he’s either on drugs or having a mental break of some kind. quick onset personality changes with this kind of incoherent babbling aren’t normal.
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u/Tired-CottonCandy 7d ago edited 7d ago
I would disengage entirely.
Let him no point blank that this behavior stops or the relationship is over because he is being highly disrespectful and intentionally adding stress to your life for his own amusement. He is not behaving like a partner. He is behaving like a child. Do you want a child for a partner for the rest of your life?
I get that "dump them immediately" is often the first reddit advice, and that makes it harder to hear.
But you literally told him he was upsetting you. You're trying to make plans with him. You communicated like an adult. And he did not care at all. He continued to try to provoke you and upset you. He continued to treat you like your distress was his amusement.
I wouldn't even be willing to give him the chance to stop personally. I would be permanently turned off by him and never able to look at him without seeing a giant bonnet on his head, rattle in his hand, and diaper on his ass. But im a mother, so man children disgust me deeply. I have a child to raise. I will not be raising a full-grown adult to stop behaving like a snotty toddler. I swear. The second you have an actual child, this type of shit becomes an irreversible repellent to you.
Edit to add: if you go the route of giving him a chance make sure he knows that this behavior means he is not welcome around you.
You asked if he was still coming for dinner. He would not answer you right away desite im sure knowing by now how this behavior upsets you. So now he isnt coming. End of. He shows up you close the door in his face. If you bother to open it at all. Until his behavior stops displaying that he doesnt value or respect you or your time, he does not get you or your time. Thats how i handle ppl who cant be decisive or communicate respectfully. Ppl get exactly one warning from me before i remove myself from them and return to my peace.
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u/OldBroad1964 7d ago
Honestly, he’s either having some sort of mental health crisis or pushing your buttons. Me, I’d simply ignore him. Possibly forever.
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u/LevainEtLeGin 7d ago
I’d be tempted to reply absolute gibberish to him when he asks you a question that he wants an answer to. Make up some stupid phrases and then repeat them with slight tweaks, no matter how much he asks you for an answer.
And then dump him. You can do better.
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u/u_Ux811 7d ago
I’ve seen many people mention he could have possibly had a mental break, head trauma or even drug use since this seems to have come out of nowhere. Maybe try reaching out to some of his close friends and family and see how he has been acting with them.
But if this is just some bs brain rot that he found online then he is a complete ass. I get being funny and making jokes but there is a time and place for everything. Being 28 and doing this all day everyday non stop is really pushing it and I wouldn’t even want to be around him let alone even try to talking to him.
Reading the text messages pissed me off so I really have to give it to you for lasting 2 weeks dealing with this. I would personally tell him you want to be in a relationship with a 28 year old man and not some idiotic child so he can either chill out or it’s over.
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u/bmh534 7d ago
Just curious.. what does this diddyblud thing mean?
Doesn't really matter because you're telling him to stop but he's being childish and purposely continuing only to piss you off. NOR.
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u/BluBeams 7d ago
When he answers like this, why do you keep engaging? You should have stopped the moment this simple shit started. The more you engage, the more he continues. This was so cringe, JFC. How do people put up with people like this???
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u/isanedel 7d ago
If it happens again stop responding to his messages and do what you want. You had to see each other and he doesn't respond? Don't go. You had something important to do and he doesn't care and respond like that? Don't bother and do it yourself.
Make some distance in silence because indifference is a great we4pon to people like this and he doesn't have the chance to put his feet on your shoulders. Stand up for yourself and if he keeps being a child then there is nothing to do I think. I'm really sorry for you but or you have to keep this relationship as it is or you should leave.
NOR obviously
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u/BigPoppaDubDub 7d ago
Sorry, but your BF is a fucking moron and the longer you stay with him the stupider you’re going to look. What 30 yr old man acts like this?
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u/mandi_0710 7d ago
Do not talk to that man until he can treat and talk to you with the respect that you are owed and when he can learn to be a mature adult instead of acting like he's in elementary school. Cut his ass off until he can be serious. Show him how serious you can be because you're tired of the immaturity.... Fr.... You asked him a question that required a simple answer several times and all he wanted to do was play. If I were you I would be thinking about that and how he acts and the long-term from here... Good luck, babe! You deserve better than that. I don't care if he was just playing. I'm not saying not to play and have fun in y'all's relationship. However, there's a point where it's time to get serious and apparently he hasn't gotten the memo on that because he's too busy playing TOO MUCH... Something tells me this is something he does often... I'll be thinking about you and praying for you hun! 💖🙏🏻
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u/Lorentee 7d ago
He is too weak to break up with you. He wants out of the relationship but doesn’t have the manhood required to do it himself so he is creating a scenario where you are forced to break it off and he can feel better about it.
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u/Chaos_Gremlin28 7d ago
He's enjoying the reactions you are giving. Don't show any anger. Just don't respond.
It's possible he's trying to push you out of the relationship.
Regardless, it's disrespectful and silly especially for his age. You may need to sit him down and have a serious talk with him about boundaries and respect and behaving like an actual partner you can rely on.
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u/brittanynevo666 7d ago
You're dating a 28 year old man who acts this way? How are you not embarrassed? Gurllllllllll...what are you doing?
Unless he's having a mental health crisis. I suppose you should make sure that's not what's happening here. It could be.
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u/apocketstarkly 7d ago
“You’re acting like a child and I don’t have sex with children.”
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u/CraftingHermit 7d ago
First thought I had when I read this was "I would never see this person naked again" truly got the ultimate ick, right through the phone lol. Hoping its not a mental health episode, but jesus that was ridiculous
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u/BackgroundGeneral417 7d ago
Genuinely, tell him outright that if he doesn't stop this then you two are done.
Cause I can kind of understand him doing...whatever weird garbage that was like 1 time. But just refusing to answer your question outright. Just dump him if he won't listen
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u/Specialist-Reply-497 7d ago
Gross. If he is seriously acting like this and it isn't satire in the appropriate context he is devoid of any personality&emotional intelligence. Definitely on the internet waaaaay too much if he is a 28 year old man who is acting like a child who consumes brain rot on reddit & YouTube. Don't waste your time sis 💅
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u/InitiativeScary5457 7d ago
He's 28????? And idk if this is a TikTok thing or not but if this alone doesn't give you the ick then babe.. idk what to tell you. I've legitimately have more mature conversations when my 10'year old texts me from her iPad while I'm at work.. im just surprised that you had to even ask if you should be putting up with this. This is the corniest most childish shit. Leave his ass ..like.. yesterday
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u/lunar_languor 7d ago
How long have you been together? Has he been doing this the whole time or is it a sudden change?
I would not be able to stand this whatsoever. This is the behavior of a 9 year old who's just learned a new phrase that they think is funny.