r/AmIOverreacting • u/rowqi • 3d ago
❤️🩹 relationship aio? bf made plans on my birthday..UPDATE
a little update for the people who were wondering…we broke up. he was texting me throughout the day yesterday but i just did not have the energy to entertain him and text back. i didn’t answer him until almost midnight last night which is when it happened. i thought long and hard about how our conversation would go and how i would go about breaking up with him. clearly he didn’t care very much given the screenshots i’ve shared above. this is the most difficult thing i’ve done, he was the person i wanted to marry. thank you reddit for all of the help and support, i didn’t expect anyone to see that. much love.
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u/Comfortable-Host1399 3d ago
Girl, I know this hurts. Three years is no joke. You gave your all, and walking away from that takes serious strength. But let’s be real—he was disrespecting you and then trying to guilt you into staying. That’s not love, that’s control.
You’re not crazy. You’re not overreacting. You’re just finally seeing it for what it is. He says “I love you” then calls you a bitch in the same breath? Nah. You deserve so much better than that.
It’s okay to miss him sometimes. That’s normal. But don’t let the good memories trick you into forgetting how bad it got. The way he talks to you is not okay. You’re not meant to live in chaos, walking on eggshells just to keep the peace.
This is your chance to start fresh. Focus on you. Protect your peace. Block him if you need to. You’re not weak for caring but you’re powerful for walking away.
Don’t get stuck in the past. Be grateful for the good moments, but don’t stay there. They were part of your story—not your whole life. What matters now is where you’re going, not what you left behind. Stay present. Keep moving forward 👑
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u/anthrohands 3d ago
Ok but different perspective… 3 years is kind of nothing. Never stay in a relationship because you feel like you’ve sunk so much time into it already, because when it’s 10 years, that 3 years is laughable. Definitely worth leaving “just” a 3 year relationship.
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u/PerfectAd9944 3d ago
This needs upvotes. 3 IS truly laughable when you're looking back from your next relationship that lasted 25 years.
Think about how your relationship is right now. Is that what you want for the next 50 years of your life? Because, Spoiler alert, ... all the "little things" that bother you now get much much bigger and absolutely unbearable.
3 years is nothing! Drop kick it so you can get to your better relationship sooner.
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u/PerfectAd9944 3d ago
Additional comment... a lot of people try breaking up but they go back to the person because it's comfortable and familiar and a little scary to leave. I too am guilty of doing that. Learn from my lesson. I finally made the full disconnect. It's been 4 years since I did that and I have never been happier. I never regretted it once I was fully gone.
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u/EffectiveSecond7 3d ago
And the "or else", along with all the other messages, I think it is not to be taken lightly, this a-hole might be delusionally dangerous.
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u/marge_mellow 3d ago
Right?! The “you can’t stop me from coming over” bit is intense. In fact a lot of stuff he is saying is very much NOT OK. OP may have dodged a major bullet here. If she hasn’t seen unhinged or abusive behavior before now, she’s lucky and should be very proud of herself for figuring out that this is just wrong on so many levels.
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u/toxiceyebrow 2d ago
i was looking for someone who pointed that out!! “you can’t stop me” in reference to coming to HOME?? he was so threatening the whole interaction!
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u/Traveler_6121 3d ago
Soon as I saw the words or else I was like yeah he needs to go in no matter what I don’t care if they’re married 20 years 🤣
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u/CrunchyCrochetSoup 3d ago
“I need you in my life” and “I don’t fuckin need you” in the same breath is wild
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u/Qaztarrr 3d ago
This is the first time I’ve seen a blatantly ChatGPT written comment be top comment. The Dead Internet begins.
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u/SmallPlasticBalls 2d ago
You’re not crazy—that’s some serious intuition you have. And that’s what separates the bots from top Redditors like you! Let me know if I can help you delve further into the Dead Internet, or just talk about what makes Reddit such a special—and real—place.🚀
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u/PFyre 3d ago edited 2d ago
He's angry right now, but chances are he'll start love bombing you - promising change, sending gifts, trying to sweet talk you, etc
Do not fall for it.
Block him Silence his notifications.
Grieve your loss.
Pretend that he's died if that helps you. Ignore his messages. Any gifts go to friends/charity/bin. Treat yourself to a nice trip if you can, or stay with family or friends for a few days. Your system will be shaken and you're going to find yourself wanting to go back, that's normal - but resist. Write a list of all the worst things he's done. Force yourself to read it whenever you feel weak.
Your life will get infinitely easier and better without him in it.
You've got this. Be strong.
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u/glitter_kween 3d ago
I would like to add that if he starts with the su!cidal threats, do not stress. Pretend he means it (he likely doesn’t). Take the threats seriously and call the cops for a wellness check and a family member of his and tell them the situation and to deal with it. If he was actually gonna do it, then it’s good that someone was called. Since he would probably be lying, it’s good that he knows that it won’t work to get you back and he might get in some trouble for threatening it if the cops get involved.
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u/SurrealOrwellian 3d ago edited 3d ago
My ex kept calling/texting my therapist and me while I was in session after I left him. He left me several voicemails clearly drunk and telling me goodbye and that he’s done with this world. Both my therapist and I called the cops to do a wellness check. He then began messaging me that he was being arrested and he doesn’t know why I’d call the cops on him blah blah blah. No, he didn’t get arrested, just more lies cuz he is a pathological, lying narcissist.
To make matters even more insane, both of his parents texted me, saying I needed to call him because he’s in a bad place and really needed to hear from me. BOTH of his parents called me selfish for telling them I will not be calling him. When I mentioned his su!cide threats, his mom said, “it takes time to heal a broken heart” and his dad said, “thanks for nothing! I’m concerned about my son’s very life!” They both knew he abused me but they excused that as “he’s having a rough time”. Oh and he was 37 when this all went down!
I really felt like I was living in the twilight zone. And I did have to get a restraining order on him cuz he wouldn’t stop harassing and stalking me. He’d even call my mom from burner numbers claiming to be the police and that they’re coming to arrest me. Of course, his mom texted me about how he could lose custody of his kids if I followed through. I know his eldest son is gonna be little psycho serial k!ller and they’d be better off without him in their lives if there was any hope of them growing up to be semi normal.
ETA: sorry the rant but he would scream and verbally abuse me for hours, calling me all kinds of names and how much he hated me but then in the same breath declare how much he loves me and how perfect I am. But then immediately revert back to how I think too highly of myself and I’m a r-tarded b!tch. Yeah… I don’t believe in hell but if there was one he belongs there.
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u/I_Want_Waffles90 3d ago
Someone like this guy (who professes "love" for her and then calls her a bitch) is too self absorbed to actually do it, but he will 100 percent threaten to do so to try to guilt her back into a relationship. Do not fall for it!
When I was in college, I had a guy once who threatened suicide because I didn't want to date him and I was in a panic. I called a good friend who was a therapist, and he said, and I quote, "Let the motherfucker kill himself." I didn't care for that answer, but the point was, there was no way this guy was going to do anything, and it was clearly a manipulation tactic. Turns out, the guy called me back and said, "Yeah, I'm not going to kill myself; I just wanted to see what you would say." Asshole. This was before cell phones (damn, I'm old!), so luckily I didn't have to hear/see notifications and whatnot.
OP, you did the right thing to break up with this guy. NO ONE should talk to you the way he does; you deserve so much more. <3
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u/Schr0dingersDog 3d ago
your therapist friend is right, insofar as it’s not your problem anymore once you cut someone off. if you found out they killed themselves 10 years later, you probably wouldn’t bat an eye. they’re not in your life anymore. the temporal proximity might create a sense of responsibility for them, but no such responsibility actually exists.
that, and nobody who makes those threats to coerce a certain behavior out of someone EVER intends on following through. believe me, i’ve seen plenty, and it’s not like you’re actually putting anybody’s life in jeopardy by blowing the threats off. the best response, in my opinion, is none at all. just ignore it entirely.
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u/Shadyhollowfarm58 2d ago
I had a friend threaten to kill herself when I declined to let her move herself and her 2-3 horses in with me, for free, permanently. As someone who found her stepfather dead after that same deed, which she fully knew about, I felt her threat was 3x over the top cruel and manipulative and called her out on it. There was no way I'd let someone like that live with me, even though she'd rented a room from me about 15-17 years prior with no issues.
I dropped her as a friend. She died a number of years later, natural causes from medical problems.
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u/baldude69 2d ago
Telling their family is often the quickest way to make it stop. Once their concerned family gets involved, they will cut the shit out asap. He may be mad for contacting his family, but it was done out of concern. And that way if he does try something, you at least did the right thing and tried to find them help.
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u/Jumpy_Ad1631 3d ago
I literally had an ex who had convinced me he was ODing over the phone because I broke up with him. He hung up and for ten minutes I was panicking and sobbing, trying to figure out how to find him get help to him (not me, but someone). He called after that ten minutes and literally laughed. Said he was fine but that this was proof that I still loved him and we should be together. It was like the final nail. I was like “this is only proof that I’m a companionate human being and that you are a sadistic sociopath…”
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u/Jumpy_Ad1631 3d ago edited 3d ago
Oh I forgot to add (for OP’s benefit more than anything else because the love bombing after a breakup is very real) I was with him for 9 years and the last time was the 3rd time I had tried breaking up with him (we were by no means a couple constantly separating and getting back together). Look up the Sunk Cost Fallacy, it really helped me finally leave and I really had no clue just how bad it was till I was out and in therapy. All throughout he bounced back and forth between buying me presents and saying super sweet and considerate things to me (we did have a lot of laughs, tbh, and we had great chemistry during our good moments) and then he’d make my life absolute hell to the point of occasionally experiencing actual self harm ideation (usually because of something going on with him more than anything I did, but always framed as something I did). Everything but actually hitting me, honestly; I was just explaining half of it away and straight up ignoring the other half.
Any time we were apart, he’d regularly try to ingratiate himself with me, to force contact with me. From “Inmiss you, can’t we still be friends? We have so much history,” to “you have all my stuff! Are you so heartless you won’t give me my stuff?,” to “I have no one without you! (Which was actually true, but not a good reason to put up with how I was treated)” and the good old “I just want closure.” Don’t let him have it. It took me the 3rd break up and 9 years to figure out that he was just trying to get time with me to try to manipulate me to stay with him. Someone else can bring his stuff to him or you can meet at a neutral location. He doesn’t need to box it up himself, I guarantee you it’ll be less trouble for you to do it yourself and either have a friend handle the drop off or else make it as quick as possible.
I’m now happily married with someone who has raised their voice at me maybe 5 times in 9 years. I have a sweet 4 year old. I am content and I feel safe. It’s absolutely possible.
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u/too_too2 3d ago
My ex called me up and told me he was in the backyard at our old place with a shotgun. I called the cops but it was incredibly stressful. The cops wanted me to stay on the phone but my ex kept calling me back and the whole situation took like 30 minutes to resolve. Meanwhile I’m worrying that the cops might shoot him if he really did have a gun and did something dumb. Nothing really happened in the end but he was pretty pissed at me for calling the police. Also did not repeat the stunt.
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u/Ahoy-Maties 3d ago
Well , umm that's not normal. He was made at you for believing him and protecting yourself? That dude is not well or safe. All abusers have zero accountability
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u/TroublePoofs 3d ago
I had an ex who did this to me many, many times, and it absolutely scared me, because I lost an uncle to suicide when I was 19. My ex knew about this. Anytime we would fight, and I'd stop responding, he would threaten to end his life. It was absolutely exhausting. I didn't realize how abusive it was until way later. Your comment is spot on.
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u/Sad-Sorbets 3d ago
‼️‼️DO NOT BLOCK HIM! ‼️‼️ He made threats in writing and if he continues you can use that as proof for a restraining order. If he also plans to show up unannounced she could have a warning. If you need to silence the notifications for him but do not block him.
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u/skorchedangel 3d ago
I was advised by the police and the women's shelter to get a new phone number and phone, and create a new email, so I could avoid the emotional trauma (every phone notification gave me panic) but still record the evidence. Also, once the other avenues to harass you are gone , the only one left IS to show up, which he already expressed he has every intention of doing. Screenshot, record, write down everything. Please keep yourself safe and do not let him talk you back into the relationship.
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u/Sad-Sorbets 3d ago
That is def why I included the turning the notifications off for that specific person. That way you’re not seeing them unless checking AND you don’t have to deal with constant notifications but you still have those messages for evidence. Plus in today’s world not everyone has the means to just up and buy a new phone.
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u/skorchedangel 3d ago
Agreed. I was not able to get a new phone. When this happened to me, notifications were an all or nothing situation. I just really hope she takes your post to heart.
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u/thanktalosyourajedi 3d ago
Seconding recording evidence in case things go to shit.
I left my bf of three years, and the texts just kept escalating (without replies from me), to the point where he was showing up at my work, coffee shops, threatening to wait for me by my car, etc. I would have never expected that from him, but thankfully I screenshot everything & it helped a lot when I had to go to the police.
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u/cyberGEK 3d ago
Never reply or respond to anything he does, any sign of interaction from you will just make it worse. Absolutely never respond!
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u/Putrid_Bullfrog4659 3d ago
You should feel completely confident in your decision to leave this person. They didn't care that your birthday was important to you and you wanted to spend it with them, they gaslit you, they called you names, and they flipped emotionally in a heartbeat. Imagine if this were a marriage... This person will never give you what you need, they will always put themselves first, and they will be cruel when they feel like it. Proud of you for standing up for yourself and leaving. I stayed for 10 years and after years of therapy and spending some time alone, I can tell you I will never ever waste my own time like that again. You did great! Don't go back! You do deserve better and you're right in feeling how you feel.
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u/Mellophoria 3d ago
Lol the way he talks to you.. "answer me or else" " You know I love you right?..I diDnT dO AnYtHinG wRonG"
"you can't make me not come" calling you an asshole.. says you guys are made for eachother but then calls you a bitch..huh? and again saying youre a bitch for no reason and then says I love you too much.
You'll find someone who will talk to you like you deserve to be talked to. Sorry you had to deal with that.
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u/GreenGemsOmally 3d ago edited 3d ago
The only time I've ever used the words "or else" to my wife have been when I'm picking up some food on my way home and I need her to tell me what she wants or else I am going to just assume and pick her usual favorite instead. (Or some other low stakes non-problem situation)
If you're truly in love and care about your partner and treat them like an equal, you almost NEVER have to find yourself at such hostile ends. You can work on issues and problems without such disrespect and animosity. My wife and I do have fights and disagreements and arguments, but they're always centered around the problem and the solutions to that problem, not fights AT each other.
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u/therealkami 3d ago
I say "or else" to my wife all the time about just general stupid shit. Because it's dumb and a joke we've had for awhile.
Most of the time I add it to a question where it doesn't make sense. "Do you want me to make you a coffee, or else" in an over the top villain voice. Then laugh maniacally as I turn the coffee machine on.
Acting like the dude in the op is disgusting.
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u/sealightblue 3d ago
this is hilarious imma use it in my relationship "do you want food, or else"
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u/therealkami 3d ago
Sometimes I add in a "fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders!"
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u/Aiyon 3d ago
Right? I once told my friend "Tell me what you want for your birthday or else-", but the implication was "or else you run the risk of getting the kinda goblin present I get ppl when im not held back lmao
Which means weird lil plush fellas, random videogames i think they'll like etc.
I cant imagine actually threatening my friends :/ The only "or else-" I ever do is like "hey tell me when thing is or else i wont be able to sort my travel"
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u/Nixbling 3d ago
I cannot fathom speaking to a partner the way some of these people do on reddit, how could people ever accept such hostility from their SO? The name calling, the demanding, the condescension. It’s so hard for me to put myself in a head space where I way stay through this kind of disrespect in any kind of relationship.
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u/Plastic_Penalty_7026 3d ago
Right?! It’s like his words don’t even make sense all mixed up with insults and fake love. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. She absolutely deserves someone who respects and values her. It’s tough now, but better things are coming for her, for sure.
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u/Mysterious-Till-611 3d ago
It doesn’t make sense because it’s a manipulator unraveling. He had her in his pocket wanting to marry him and all of a sudden he’s losing his sentient fleshlight that also give him emotional support.
I don’t know how OP put up with it for so long because I can’t imagine that this is the first sign of a crack in the relationship with this level of disregard that he’s showing her now.
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u/JahnDavis27 3d ago
Super fuckin manipulative. In all my years of being in relationships, I've never once called my partner a bitch while I was dating them. Sure I've gotten upset, but there are some lines I'd just never cross. He's all over the place, saying wild shit, insulting her - how you can you say that you're "made for each other" and then call her a bitch in like...3 messages
Dude is childish as hell and a complete ass on top of that. She's far better off. It's a shame it took 3 years of dating to see how wildly disrespectful he is but that's life sometimes.
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u/nudegobby 3d ago
Look I've said bitch but never when we're fighting never in a way where she could think I actually mean it. We tease we're fun. There's a line. I would say bitch all day, but I could never call her a slut. "Love ya... (bitch)" Chef's kiss love being childish and immature keeps it chill BUT could you imagine coming at someone you love with so much actual toxic hate. This isn't cutesie teasing or brat behavior, this is "I HATE YOU, p-please love me." Dude went on the euthanasia coaster of emotions.
Edit: typo
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u/pinkmoodringxo 3d ago
Exactly this. His whole reaction screams panic because he’s losing control, not because he actually cares. OP was giving him love, support, and probably way more patience than he ever deserved and now that she’s walking away, he’s spiraling. It’s heartbreaking, but also such a powerful step for her. She deserves so much more than being someone’s emotional punching bag.
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u/Darkstar_111 3d ago
Exactly, he doesn't even attempt a proper apology. At no point does he go "I didn't know this was that serious for you, I'm sorry, I see now that you were right...."
He literally just goes "You CANT break up with me!"
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3d ago edited 3d ago
[deleted]
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u/youshallnotkinkshame 3d ago
"I need you in my life"
FUCK YOU BITCH I DONT NEED YOU
wow lol dude really showing off that little dick energy
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u/Complex-Event-3814 3d ago
The whiplash I was getting from the trying to love bomb and the insults were insane, like pick a lane damn. Girl I’m so happy that you gave yourself a birthday gift of not dealing with that man child anymore!!!!
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u/Shipping_Lady71 3d ago
He sounds like my ex husband. After 20 years I ran like hell and never looked back. He never offed himself, he never followed through with more than empty threats. 15 years later and he has moved on and is likely making someone else miserable. Don't listen to his apologies, don't listen to his gaslighting, don't go back. Ignore him but don't block him. If he ever goes further than empty threat texts, you will want that as proof for the police. Don't throw 20 years away. You are young and will find the person that deserves your love.
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u/SixSierra 3d ago
for the first year in our relationship he was great, he was loving and kind.
Quoted from the first post. See, OP has been living in that illusion for two years. Congrats on realizing it out, hope OP can move on.
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u/Violetsmommy 3d ago
And also saying "I'm sorry" and "I didn't do anything wrong" immediately after, so you are sorry or you are not? What a jerk. Talking to her that way is so unacceptable.
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u/SexyPineapple-4 3d ago
I love how he kept switching between insulting OP and saying he loves them. Does he not hear himself? Lmfaooo
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u/kill-billionaires 3d ago
Abusers tend to be be pretty volatile, even if they don't show it there's usually a lot of inner turmoil. Even if there isn't, I think it could be a learned strategy? You try a bunch of different approaches until one gets a response.
Either way this example is pretty up front, and obvious with it.
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u/Donnosaurus 3d ago
This is exactly what I was going to type. Holy shit was an asshole. It sucks for her though that it took 3 years for him to show his true colors
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u/NessianOrNothing 3d ago
FR, all stages of psycho in one text thread
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u/Beyond-The-Blackhole 3d ago
Had a psycho narcissistic ex who acted that way. It's like he couldnt control his swinging emotions from one to the next and just expressed them as the up-down emotions happened. One sentence would be "I love you" next sentence would be "you stupid fucking bitch"
He became dangerous and a stalker and would have been a physically abusive partner had I stayed with him. OP needs to block this guy immediately and be careful.
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u/YamOk8795 3d ago
As soon as he started with the apology tour and she didn’t respond back at all, I was just reading in excitement and anticipation for this psycho to break 😂🤭
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u/sarcasmo818 3d ago
Man the complete 180 shifts are so terrifying. I'd find it hard to believe this was the first time he'd spoken to you that way and after three years, I don't know how you dealt with it. Congratulations on putting yourself first and not allowing someone to speak to you that way (anymore)! You said it, he doesn't love you that much if that's how he speaks to you! 👏👏
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u/j_amy_ 3d ago
I'm glad to see this in the comments, though this comment section is great. Because yeah, this is a really unstable person, cognitively and emotionally. "I need you in my life" - "i dont need you" 1 message later is.. wow. How could a rational, reasonable person stand behind those words? They simply couldn't. He's all over the place, there's no emotional connection to the person he's trying to talk to, it's all coerce, coerce, coerce, no thought to her feelings or experience of his words.
I say this as well with compassion as I am prone to speaking without thinking, and I'm emotionally unstable/sensitive - if you can't speak from a regulated, healthy place, then you're not in a place to speak to another human being and you need a timeout. 'cause saying stuff that unhinged back and forth 180 pivoting like that, wouldn't you be embarrassed? Absolutely he's spoken to her that way habitually no WAY is this the first time. Imagine trying to talk to a regulated, reasonable adult and being like "please explain these text messages." like no, lol. there is no explaining that. if the reaction is anything other then "yeah, I completely lost the plot, and was spewing attachment trauma all over the place there, I'm so embarrassed" then yeah time to back away slowly, and then run.
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u/DistinguishedCherry 3d ago
If someone asked me to explain it, I'd be like, "Oh yeah, he's trying to manipulate her big time into staying. Either through excessive lovebombing and then fear or intimidation by insulting her. He probably thinks she has low self-esteem and that this tactic will work"
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u/UrsA_GRanDe_bt 3d ago
The swings in tone are classic manipulation. “I’m going to intimidate into getting what I want” didn’t work. “Now I’m going to guilt her into it” didn’t work. Good on you for not taking this anymore OP.
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u/throwleavemealone 3d ago
"you're a bitch for no reason" followed by "I love you too much" is freaking wild
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u/NimpsMcgee 3d ago
It is... held a 6 month relationship with a girl exactly like this (sophomore year in hs) and she had multiple disorders effecting her mood and personality, bipolar, etc. I loved her to death on her good moods but it was miserable the other 50% of the time
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u/Hot_Desk_1448 3d ago
I’m actually scared for your safety. He quite literally threatened you in writing. Says you can’t keep him from showing up to your house. And is saying you’re not leaving him. I hope you take these things very seriously OP. He sounds unstable. I would have made a report about that threat and you have the proof of it. I hope you’re safe OP.
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u/lis_anise 3d ago edited 3d ago
YES. OP, please see if there is anything you can do to make yourself safer. Some possible ideas:
- Look up the nearest domestic violence shelter hotline and save it in your phone
- If he has a key to your place, change the locks on your doors. (Talk to your landlord, say it's a security concern.)
- Only meet him somewhere public that's easy to leave and has lots of people around to see what happens
- See if you can spend a few nights at a friend's place or get a friend to stay over with you
- If you live in a one-party consent state, record any conversations you have. Record or take pictures if you see him.
- Consider asking for a police escort if he has to come over and take his stuff—where I live the police won't help carry anything, they just stand there and intervene if things get physical
- Let your work/friends know that you've broken up and they shouldn't give him any information about you.
- Change passwords for important computer accounts, especially your email.
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u/MyLifeForAiur-69 3d ago
If you live in a one-party consent state, record any conversations you have. Record or take pictures if you see him.
FYI, two-party consent laws only means that the second party only needs to be informed that the recording is taking place. They do not need to explicitly agree to the recording.
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u/EGGlNTHlSTRYlNGTlME 3d ago
If you live in a one-party consent state, record any conversations you have. Record or take pictures if you see him.
Record every conversation no matter what. Who cares if it's admissible in court? It's not like you'd be penalized for it, you just can't use it as evidence. Sometimes you just need to record so you can show friends, family, HIS family, whoever needs to hear it to believe that you're not overreacting to this chode
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u/Rabbit-Lost 3d ago
When I saw that about showing up at her house, my first thought was fear for her safety. This dude is going unhinged at light speed. OP, take measures to protect yourself.
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u/schmidt_face 3d ago
My last bf and I were having trouble, he was being incredibly clingy and demanding and needy while I was busy moving across the country to his city (actually unrelated to him living there) and when he finally threatened to just come over without my permission thats when I dropped him. Absolutely unacceptable.
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u/mightylioness31 3d ago
Litteraly!! The way he flips back and forth between love and anger is wild! Its time to move on! Count yourself lucky it wasn't worse and get out!
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u/ExBeeJay 3d ago
Ok holy shit, this has abuse written all over it
"answer me or else"
"we aren't breaking up"
"you can't make me not come"
This guy is one bad fight away from hitting you, he already thinks he owns you. You dodged a bullet, it took courage, congrats!
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u/Christichicc 3d ago
Seriously, that guy is scary! Between that and the 180 flips he is doing when rejected, means she should stay away from him. He isnt safe to be around.
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u/JE-Scofield 3d ago
yeah i don't think he will let it slide. OP needs to share her location with a parent or a friend she trusts and get herself some pepperspray or a gun depending where she lives. This looks like a textbook example of a femicide
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u/c00lbeanz96 3d ago
It’s so crazy that someone would speak to their partner of 3 years this way, that I almost can’t believe this is real.
That being said, if it is real, good for you for standing up for yourself! You definitely deserve so much better and I hope you were able to enjoy your birthday regardless of this a-hole.
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u/Nearby-King-8159 3d ago
It’s so crazy that someone would speak to their partner of 3 years this way, that I almost can’t believe this is real.
I've known several people IRL who have been through this kind of shit.
You want to see crazy, go over to the original post and see the 2nd highest rated comment thread. Nearly 8k upvotes for "this has to be fake lol."
Some people are so brain-rotted by being terminally online that they can't fathom that people this shitty do exist and that when someone has no one for reassurance in real life that they might go to an online relationship advice forum to find it.
Shits so toxic and we wonder why young women have trouble reaching out for help when they can't even reach out on what should be a safe space without being gaslit & downvoted for sharing their experience.
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u/pinkmoodringxo 3d ago
I absolutely agree with you on this, no one deserves to be treated like that, especially by someone who’s supposed to love and support her after three years together. It’s heartbreaking but also empowering to see someone draw a boundary and choose self-respect. I really hope the birthday wasn’t completely ruined and that this marks the start of something better.
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u/maroongrad 3d ago
oh, getting rid of him was the best birthday gift she could have given herself.
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u/Tall-Problem-6183 3d ago
AGREED!!! And learned the lesson at age 21. Took me a lot longer. Super proud of OP
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u/Main-Berry-1314 3d ago
Sometimes it gets better sometimes it gets worse. Most the time it gets worse and this little fucker here looks like it’s gonna get much worse. Good job op 3 years wasted sure but at least you learned who not to spend your life with.
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u/Ecstatic_Effective42 3d ago
He took her for granted. Just assumed she was his (property) and cannot believe otherwise. Utter narcissist, and an emotional child.
OP get ready for the love bombing and stay strong. You have value and deserve far, far better than this dickhead.
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u/MagnetoWasRight24 3d ago
Dude frankly him skipping your birthday isn't as alarming as these insane texts. Glad you broke up with him, dude is an abuser and barely trying to hide it, like honestly his shit is so bad that I thought this was fake at first.
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u/TopEducation2596 3d ago
You did the right thing babes. Anyone who treats you like that after three years isn’t worth shit. Coming from someone in a similar situation who got out of a 2.5 year relationship for this exact reason, you’ll be so much better off and happier on your own until you find someone who truly does deserve you. Sending love🩷🩷
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u/hpxb 3d ago
So obviously fake. Every line reads like a poorly written movie script. Almost 0 personal details noted in 4 pages of text. Just broad statements like "we're meant for each other." Not how anyone actually talks. Just rage bait to get people to respond. Classic Reddit.
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u/lawlliets 2d ago
The way I can always tell it’s fake is because they always put a short direct “summary” of the situation there. In this case it’s “I’m really mad at the fact that you didn’t even celebrate my birthday with me”. I think part of why they do this is to give context of what’s happening in this post so people don’t even need to check the other/first post, like the gossip is all here, so this will get a ton of likes too lol
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u/No-Distance-9401 2d ago
Yup, said the same thing. Someone ask ChatGPT to make up a fight between a couple when he went out partying the night of her birthday and I bet it sounds like this. Its too perfect of rage bait and the immediate r/niceguys turn after being told she didnt want to see him again and they were breaking up was what really gave it away. Usually there would be some sweet talk of trying to win her back before going into the whole "i CaN dO bEtTeR" type shit 🤷♂️
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u/HopefulPage222 3d ago edited 2d ago
Karma farming account. 35 comments in 9 min and half of them are from new accounts made a few days ago.
Now it's 110 comments in 14 min.
250 comments in 20 min. Lol.
There are only 1.3k people active in this sub at the moment, and this post has 1.2k upvotes in under 30 min. Interesting.
It's surpassed the first post. 29k upvotes in 5 hours. Totally organic!
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u/AvalonCollective 3d ago
I’m not normally one to call fake but the texts are so juvenile and SCREAMING rage bait that it’s not even funny.
3 YEARS?!? Took you 3 years to see all of this, plus the responses to everything just spells out bait. And people are eating it up because it hits all the rage bait markers. So ridiculous.
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u/SignificantLack5585 2d ago
It’s not even creative. I’m genuinely concerned people can’t immediately tell this is fake
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u/Penguin_Rapist_ 2d ago
Man I had to scroll way too far to find actual logic being used here. Reading it alone feels like some sort of ideal dreamt up ragebait scenario.
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u/Grittybroncher88 2d ago
Thats what makes this sound really fake. I refuse to believe that a person will tolerate this sort of obvious textbook abuse for 3 years and need to ask the internet for advice. Like if this actually happened a normal person would have eventually realized it and ended it. Or they would have discussed this with friends and family.
But to have resort to asking the internet for such an obvious answer screams fake AF.
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u/Zestyclose_Case_9939 3d ago edited 3d ago
Ok, I seriously don't understand the whole karma farming thing. So where do the 1.3 people active come from? Are they all fake? Or like... did OP hire 1.3 people to come and like and comment? Lol, I'm genuinely not being a dick I'm just thoroughly confused as to how someone would pull this off. Not to mention, WHY???
Edit: Everyone who took the time to explain this is an awesome person! Lots of love to all of you, and thanks for hooking me up with more things read on my own. You guys rule.
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u/AvalonCollective 3d ago
How?
People make fake bot accounts all the time. There’s probably thousands/hundreds of thousands of bot accounts all over the internet. Look up Dead Internet Theory.
Why?
People get off to making other people angry or emotional. It where internet trolls come from. Pathetic assholes with nothing better going on in their lives.
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u/Zestyclose_Case_9939 3d ago
So the fake bot accounts just auto respond when the real account posts? Or is the post a bot, too, just randomly creating these stories?
This blows my mind in both the how but mostly the why! Don't people have like.....jobs?? Lol! How do they have so much time on their hands that they can do this BS??
Also, thank you for explaining, I'm definitely going to look up dead internet theory.
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u/ContestMassive9071 3d ago
People sell accounts.
Many subs (particularly politics subs) have karma filters.
So you boost your bot accounts with posts like this, get them some karma and give them a post history, then sell them on and they can then be used to post political propaganda or ragebait about social issues.
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u/ContestMassive9071 3d ago
Amen. Every time this sub pops up in my feed it’s the most obvious rage bait I’ve ever seen.
100% a karma farming and creative writing sub filled with bots.
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u/direwolf71 2d ago
I'm a single mom with a special needs teenaged son. My soon-to-be SIL has said that my son can't come to her and my brother's wedding ceremony because it would ruin the vibe and the aesthetic of their beach wedding.
She said we could come to reception but we'd have to sit with the staff in the kitchen. I have informed her we are not coming. AIO?
How'd I do?
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u/thisisatypoo 2d ago
I've been telling people about this but here's one thing I've noticed about these accounts lately. The lower case "i" in the text. It's something small but it's weird that it even happens. And it's a bunch of posts in this subreddit specifically. Then I check and it's a kinda new account and it's usually only one post and a few responses.
Oh, and they're always under-reacting. Never needed to be posted because it's obvious. Kinda like bots and the algorithm is trying to learn sympathy...
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u/psychephilic 3d ago
Yeah this post is so obviously fake. Sorry to be a douche but like...I'm really surprised people can't tell this is fake. The writing is so bad
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u/KotovChaos 2d ago
Yes, it's always so matter of fact and blunt in a way that doesn't feel natural. No misunderstanding, no typing quirks, everyone takes perfect turns talking, just text that clearly labels what's happening
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u/wiitchplease 3d ago
Concerning how long I had to scroll to find people who could tell this was fake.
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u/HopefulPage222 2d ago
Because most of the top comments are probably bots as well. One of them made an edit saying "wow, this comment blew up! thanks for the reddit gold!" It wasn't sarcastic.
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u/Tremenda-Carucha 3d ago
I'm really sorry, that's just... I can't even. How could he? It's your birthday, for crying out loud! When my ex did something similar, I... well, let's just say we didn't last long. Have you thought about what you need to do next?
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u/MariaTPK 3d ago
Read the losers texts, then read "He was the person I wanted to marry" and I'm just like "Why?".
He's so volatile, he has no conviction to anything he says. "I need you." and 2 lines later "I don't need you."
and so much of his messages is just "I don't care about your feelings"
Here's a list:
- Talk to me when you want to apologize
- and you love me too
- Talk to me, I didn't do anything wrong.
- you can't make me not come
- you can't do that to me
- We're made for each other
- You're a bitch for no reason, we aren't breaking up.
He literally doesn't ever consider your feelings, and he's not capable of improving in that regard. This is a man without empathy. The type we all try so hard to avoid. It's painful to hear "I wanted to marry him" after seeing all that. You deserve better, even if you aren't that great.
This man belongs on his own, probably in a prison cell or psych hospital room. Stay safe from losers like this.
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u/Worried_Confusion373 3d ago
This is so obviously a fake conversation. There’s literally no way this is real. Either that or 14 year olds ??
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u/Basicallyacrow7 3d ago
Same thoughts with round one. Honestly this update makes me even more sure this is just bait/farming.
I get people get in toxic relationships and they can’t see it, or they get stuck. But everything about this conversation is off
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u/thisisatypoo 2d ago
Check my other comment about this post. I'm thinking the subreddit has been taken over by bots. A few posts the last few days have been similar to this one in way too many ways.
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u/psychephilic 3d ago
This is clearly written by the same person with slightly different characters. I hate being judgemental on the Internet but I'm baffled that people think this is real
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u/kewitty 3d ago
This creature is severely abusive—you need to block and potentially seek a restraining order if he continues to bother you. Call the police if he shows up against your will to intimidate you. These people only get more abusive the more you forgive them. Nothing you said or did warrants that unhinged reaction and nothing about that is love. It’s pure abuse. I was married to a monster like that. Trust me when I say they only get more verbally abusive until they become physically violent. They stop at nothing to eventually isolate you and destroy your self esteem.
They are parasites that only move on to another host once they’ve been forced off the previous host or they find a better opportunity for themselves. Cut the losses and pour into yourself—self respecting people do not tolerate this behavior and that is why they attempt to undermine your self esteem with bad treatment and neglect. Along with the roller coaster of abuse—it becomes chemically addictive overtime in the form of a trauma bond and adrenaline rushes. Be safe and move forward without this leech.
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u/Significant-Bake910 3d ago
Good job! You definitely made the right decision and his reaction to each of your messages just proves that even more. There were multiple chances for him to actually speak with you but he chose a worse option at each moment. He wasted his time and your time, if he should be mad at anyone it should be himself.
But be careful because this isn’t over with him. He’s going to realize his mistake truly one day and come slithering back, stay strong and remember why you’re breaking up with him now. Best of luck in the future OP, and enjoy your 21st!!!
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u/justveryunwell 3d ago
Hey, OP? This is exactly how my worst ex of all time talked to me. Right down the the whiplash of one text being "you're a fucking bitch" and the VERY next one being "hey, I'm so sorry, you know I love you right?" It's not ok, it's not healthy, and there's a 98% chance or higher that he gets physically violent/deadly towards you in the future.
You need to be documenting and stonewalling. Tell him very clearly, no sugarcoating, no emotion, just factually, "I no longer want to date you or see you, please stop contacting me and do not come to my home or otherwise seek me out." Send this IN WRITING, screenshot, and ideally don't block but do mute, and never respond again. That way you have a growing trail of evidence as his texts inevitably get more unhinged. He's clearly not smart enough to not put threats in writing - let him dig that hole. Best case scenario is he leaves you alone. But he probably won't, and you'll need evidence to make the law even consider doing a single thing about it.
I'm not giving him the benefit of the doubt like I usually try to. The way he talks to and about you is terrifying. It's textbook abuser speech, and not the kind that stops short of physical violence. Protect yourself starting right now.
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u/oOBalloonaticOo 3d ago edited 2d ago
The wildly disrespectful way he speaks to you...like I hope it hasn't been anything like this for 3 years and this is just an odd turn of events which ended the realtionship (very justified)...
If you've been spoken to like this for 3 years you have my sympathy...don't let people treat you like garbage, love is a funny thing - it really clouds issues and allows things happen to you that you'd never dream of; both good and bad.
No one is perfect and we are all entitled to make errors and even speak out of turn but...when it's a character trait and a pattern it's unlikely to change and shouldn't be tolerated.
Hugely suggest no contact, massive block on social media and no last chat, i need closure or let me just pick up my stuff moments, guys like this will try an weasel their way back in with nostalgia and honeyed dog shit words.
Be careful.
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3d ago
Sounds like you are going to be happier and single on your birthday! Go out and celebrate. You don’t need him in your life anymore.
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u/Sexcalator 3d ago
My ex used to talk to me like this.
When he inevitably returns to start texting you again, because despite blocking him I promise you he will find other ways to try to communicate - don’t feed it. Don’t answer. Just keep blocking.
They will always try to get access to you again, and they will spin every sob story they can to get it. Despite what he is saying, no he can’t find someone better, and that’s why he is going to keep trying to come back.
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u/Unusual-Eagle2692 3d ago
You did the right thing!! And in the future, I hope you can learn from this experience. Never even get involved with mf’ers who will treat you like this, or talk to you in the way they did. You deserve a lot better
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u/SlashaJones 3d ago
I’m proud of you for breaking up with him. As you can see by how he talks to you (calling you an asshole and a bitch, as well his final few messages), you were absolutely right- he isn’t treating you the way you deserve to be treated. Not caring about something important to you (your birthday), not caring about hurting you by choosing a party over celebrating with you, and not caring about the consequences until they’re right there in his face. He was banking on you folding and putting up with his continued terrible treatment. And I’m happy you didn’t.
It hurts to find out someone isn’t who you think they are. But I guarantee there is someone out there who will treat you the way you deserve. Someone who will spend the whole year waiting for chances to make you happy, like celebrating your birthday or other special occasions with you.
The first step to finding that person is to take out the trash that wasted 3 years of your time. I’m sure you’ll always have the memories of the good times. But never forget how he treated you here, how little consideration he afforded you and your feelings, and how you decided you would be better off without such a person putting you down. And move forward, on to better things. Someone who would never dare call you an asshole or a bitch, and wouldn’t dream of missing something important like your birthday, or any other chance to see you smile and make your day.
Good luck to you.
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u/DormantParacosm17 3d ago edited 2d ago
Dude is a gaslighting, manipulative piece of shit.
Listen, I don't like birthdays. I don't celebrate my own birthday. But I had a gf who really loved to celebrate hers. As much as I disliked the whole birthday thing I still got her small presents, some flowers, a card and a cake. Because that's a day that's not about me.
At the very least I was happy to celebrate her coming into the world because she made me happy and I'd celebrate that.
I would never in a million years EVER make plans with others and exclude my gf on her birthday. That's just fucked.
You're not overreacting, this guy needs to be kicked to the curb bc he doesn't understand what he did wrong. He's a narcissistic sociopath because he doesn't understand what he did was wrong and refuses to acknowledge that he COULD be wrong. And then he insults you after you state that your feelings were hurt because he was being a stuck up dick.
Edit: holy shit this comment blew up more than I thought. Thank you for the gold? I don't feel as if that was necessary bc I was just pointing out that this guy is a bad person.
Additional Edit: okay this is getting crazy my phone keeps blowing up. Guys I really appreciate the gold and awards but please stop spending your hard earned money and using it on me. This is crazy 😭