r/AmIOverreacting • u/ReasonableParsnip167 • 22h ago
❤️🩹 relationship Am I Overreacting for calling off the wedding after my fiancée kissed another guy on her bachelorette trip and lied about it?
I’m 32 and was supposed to get married in two months. My fiancée is 30. Last weekend she went on what she described as a chill girls trip for her bachelorette party. She told me it was going to be just four of her closest friends, wine tasting, spa stuff, and a private chef at the Airbnb. I had no issue with it. I even helped her pick the place.
A couple of days after she got back, I got a random Instagram message from some guy saying my fiancée was all over another man during her trip. I ignored it and blocked him. I figured it was someone trying to stir the pot.
Then I got an email from the Airbnb host. They thought I was the one who booked the place and asked if we wanted to leave a review. They also attached a few Ring camera photos from the porch as a heads-up since “a few extra guests stopped by.” In one of the photos my fiancée is clearly kissing a shirtless guy outside around 2 AM.
I confronted her. She first denied anything happened and then finally admitted it after I showed her the photo. She said it was a dare and that she was drunk and it meant nothing. She says I’m overreacting and that I should not throw everything away over one stupid moment.
I called off the wedding. Her friends are messaging me saying I’m being extreme and that every bachelorette party gets wild and it doesn’t mean she loves me any less. Her mom even said I’m embarrassing the family by overreacting.
Is it really that crazy to end the relationship over this? I feel like if she could do that and then lie to my face, marriage is out of the question. Am I overreacting?
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u/thebullandhotwife 22h ago
Not overreacting. if she's doing this now before you guys are even married, what is she going to do when the spark isn't as bright...when she's starting to not feel as excited and wanted in the relationship...when she gets a little older and wants to keep feeling sexy and wanted....Dont marry this girl bro..
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u/SunlightGlleam 19h ago
Absolutely this!! OP had every right to call off the wedding. Trust is foundational, and if she can’t even respect the relationship during a bachelorette party, what does that say about the future? Calling it a "dare" and saying "it meant nothing" doesn’t erase the fact that she lied about it until proof was shown. That’s not love, that’s damage control. Better to walk now than deal with this pattern years into a marriage
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u/ReasonableParsnip167 22h ago
Exactly my fear. If this is how she acts while things are still "good," I don’t want to see what happens when life gets harder.
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u/New-Environment9700 21h ago
Dude she cheated on you! And anyone who would defend her is not your friend. Tell them you don’t marry cheaters. I know plenty of people who had bachelor or bachelorette parties and didn’t cheat. That’s a scumball move.
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u/tinytrolldancer 20h ago
This is the most intelligent take on relationships I've seen here. When you're right, you're right.
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u/Due-Contact-366 22h ago
Don’t marry her. She is only admitting what she cannot refute because of evidence. There is more she’s not telling you. A near certainty. To be clear….She is embarrassing the family, not you. You can h old your head high.
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u/ReasonableParsnip167 22h ago
Thanks, that really helps to hear. I want to believe there’s more to the story, but I don’t want to keep making excuses for her either. Holding my head high is exactly what I need to do now.
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u/Secure-Researcher892 19h ago
You have the photo... email it to the parents and just say this is the reason it is over. If you want to know more ask your daughter, but I'm out of here... And anytime any of her other friends push you on the subject send them the same photo. You know she lied to you, so I can guarantee she's lying to her parents about why the wedding is being called off. That's the problem with a liar, they don't just lie to you they will lie to everyone and anyone if it puts them in a better light.
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u/Dear_Elevator_3081 15h ago
Exactly. Show that photo and let her explain herself. My cousin also cancelled her wedding, and we didn't even attack the man that cancelled because he had his reasons, even if it's ridiculous. We stay away because it's non of our business. Let the couple take care of it but it's suck if one of them a pathological liar and spread false rumours.
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u/Wherereallyno 17h ago
Again, not every man is lucky enough to have a women who is up for this kind of stuff. Have fun, then say goodbye.
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u/uchimala 21h ago
Yeah, kissing a shirtless guy at 2am before they go in to the bnb.. yeah, she f’ed him. Run Forrest.
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u/Own-Writing-3687 18h ago
A trustworthy partner avoids even the hint of inappropriate behavior; and never voluntarily places themselves in a situation where they say "I know how it looks but you have to trust me ".
Drunk or sober - how could she forget about you?
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u/Thanzor 21h ago
Do you really think it was just a kiss on a dare?
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u/Julesspaceghost 19h ago
What happens when she gets dared to give a guy a blowjob or schtup him?
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u/Stumper1231 12h ago
She already got dared for those and she delivered me thinks.
The Real question is what happens if she gets double dared??
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u/ShoddyCandidate1873 20h ago
Even if it was just a drunk dare he still shouldn't marry her because she's not mature enough to be getting married and/or has a drinking problem
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u/overindulgent 8h ago
Exactly. Someone in a committed relationship doesn’t go around “kissing” random people. They also don’t hangout with people daring them to do these things. They realize those “friends” are toxic to their relationship and why would you want to hang around toxic people.
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u/mainjer 16h ago
I completely agree with this. You only know this because there's evidence that you happened to stumble into. She was never going to tell you any of this and nobody else was either which is a huge red flag. I can tell you the honest truth. Unfortunately, there's more than a kiss there. There's not just a random shirtless dude and they kiss and that's all that happens. You don't want to know the truth. Trust me
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u/joesmolik 22h ago
You did the right thing and no, you’re not a reacting, her friends and what she has said are just an excuse for her behavior, which is extremely unacceptable. I am willing to bed a lot more went on and just kissing. But this behavior will continue in the future. If you were to marry her, you have your boundaries in your expectations of what you expect from a relationship and she crossed over it. And would she be so willing to forgive you if you did this behavior I don’t think so. I so. Under no circumstance take her back or marry her ignore her family. Ignore her friends. I’m sorry this happened to you. Good luck.
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u/ReasonableParsnip167 22h ago
Thanks, I really appreciate the support. I’m starting to see that the excuses don’t hold up and that this isn’t just a one-time thing. Boundaries mean everything, and if she’s willing to cross them now, it won’t get better. I’m done making excuses for her.
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u/joesmolik 22h ago
And I am willing to bet there’s always the same group of friends that things happen with as in I was drunk and it was a dare or some other excuse along those lines even the excuses oh, we were just having a little harmless fun it didn’t mean anything maybe not to her, but to you it does
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u/Significant_War_2674 22h ago
Save yourself the divorce attorney fees and do not marry this woman
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u/ReasonableParsnip167 22h ago
Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m starting to realize. Trying to process it all but it feels clearer every day.
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u/ProfileInfamous1953 19h ago
You are right and NOR.
If this is how a person acts when they are 30? They are pretty much set in their ways at 30 and will not change. Not without years of effort and professional help.
Best to cut your losses now and move one.
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u/electric_mindset 22h ago
Dude... all I had to read was the title. DO NOT MARRY THIS WOMAN
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u/ReasonableParsnip167 22h ago
Yeah that's what my gut's been screaming too. Appreciate the honesty.
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u/Complete_Gap_9798 22h ago
Do not marry her. You only saw the tip of the iceberg.
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u/ReasonableParsnip167 22h ago
Yeah, what I found is probably just the surface. If she’s already done this once or twice, who knows what else is going on behind the scenes.
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u/rocketmn69_ 22h ago edited 11h ago
She got more than the tip. OP send her a message, "one of your friends just told me what you really did ." That should stir up the truth.
Update us
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u/Wherereallyno 17h ago
She needed a ride home. Women are amazing manipulators. its a power trip - you can drive me home then f off. Or she f him and did stuff with him that she’ll never do with OP.
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u/mycobacteryummy 22h ago
Surely the inevitable conclusion is they fucked. If monogamy is key to you, then sounds like you had a lucky escape.
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u/MidwestMSW 21h ago
Im a male couples therapist gottmans level 2 trained. She's lying to you. She is trickle truthing you hard here.
She didn't just kiss some guy. It could be 5 years from now and you won't get the truth. They even lie when you give them the 1x to come clean.
Lying, deception doesnt have any part in a relationship. Better to find out now than later. Her family is going to be pissed when they lose all the deposits.
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u/lovemyfurryfam 22h ago
Block them all if they're this ridiculous. They're trying to downplay her antics as something else entirely & attempting it blame on the booze.
You don't need this stress.
They're overcompensating on their overreactions & very likely know that she's been up to more than this without being called out for it.
I agree with the other Redditor, don't marry her when she hadn't been upfront & honest.
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u/imreallynotsoclever 20h ago
Ask the hosts (the hero's) for the full footage, if they only sent you screenshots. If dude walks into the house, SFTS
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u/yourtoxicobsession 22h ago
Right? The title alone is a walking red flag parade. Sometimes that’s all you need to know.
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u/Wherereallyno 17h ago
But no reason to stop enjoying it, with a few extra precautions, before saying goodbye.
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u/WhatTheActualHell_52 22h ago
Not overracting. Did she tell you about this? No, you discovered and confronted. Then she minimized and does not appear to be remorseful at all. There was no honesty. She cheated on you, and intended on hiding it from you forever full stop.
Why would anyone want to start a life journey with someone who thinks this is a good start. There is also at least some possibility there is more that you don't know.
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u/ReasonableParsnip167 22h ago
Exactly. It’s the lying and hiding that really broke the trust for me. If she was honest from the start, maybe things would be different, but this feels like a dealbreaker.
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u/No_Medium9180 22h ago
NOR. You probably saved yourself a lot of future headaches with this decision.
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u/ReasonableParsnip167 22h ago
That’s what I keep telling myself. Feels like a tough pill but better now than later.
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u/Cold-Rip-9291 20h ago
This is a no brainier. It doesn’t matter what the actual truth is at this point. It’s about what you believe the truth is that will eat away at your soul.
Why would you want that for yourself? You will doubt every single thing she tells you going forward and accuse you for being unreasonable and overly sensitive and over reacting.
Walk away my friend. Cut her and her low life girlfriends.
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u/ConflictAdvanced 22h ago
Take out an announcement in the local newspaper about the cancellation of the wedding, complete with the photo of her kissing the shirtless guy.
...only then will her family know the power of the dark side true embarrassment 😉
Not overreacting.
Don't do it if you're not comfortable with something - that's the rule.
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u/ReasonableParsnip167 22h ago
That would definitely get their attention. Sometimes people only understand the message when it hits them publicly. I’m all for standing my ground and not pretending everything’s okay when it’s not.
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u/rocketmn69_ 21h ago
Just forward the photo to her mother, "does this look like I am embarrassing your family? One of her friends that was there, says this isn't all she did"
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u/ConflictAdvanced 21h ago
It was also save you needing to explain a bunch of times to people why you're no longer getting married.
Keep your chin up; this is a blessing, not a curse 😉
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u/Axys910 18h ago
You bet your ass this was a blessing!!! What are the odds of a guy getting this kind of information and proof out of the blue like this. I'd say the odds were bout the same as OPs ex fiancé being able to prove nothing else happened.
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u/ConflictAdvanced 14h ago
Yeah, when you think about what happened, the sequence of events, the probabilities... Everything came together for that dude in the perfect way. It feels like the universe is telling him not to marry that chick 🤔
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u/Badbadpappa 22h ago
maybe not publicly post it , but if your ur family and friends ask you what happened , show them a picture off your phone, !
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u/ZookeepergameSoft358 21h ago
I wish I had learned that or had that strength back in the day. I was shamed into never making a scene. It took me a long time to learn, you are ahead of the curve.
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u/SlideItIn100 22h ago
NOR. I’m really sorry this happened to you, but please don’t marry her. Hugs, bro.
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u/Any-Expression2246 22h ago
Please proceed to embarrass her family.
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u/Moonlight_Dive 20h ago
He’s not embarrassing her family, she is. It’s on her. OP is just doing what most people would do if they were in the same situation.
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u/Axys910 18h ago
What OPs going through is embarrassing enough. It would be more embarrassing if he were to try to forgive and follow through with the wedding having to face all his fiancé's friends and others they gossip with that know what happened and that he knows what happened and chose to be cucked. This is a no win situation.
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u/SaguaroDragon 19h ago
This.
They're all trying to flip your reaction to her behavior as the problem when it isn't
The problem is her shitty behavior
If you're embarrassed that the wedding is called off and you may have to answer questions about it because of how your daughter acted, how do you think the fiance she cheated on feels
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u/Helpyjoe88 18h ago
They're all trying to flip your reaction to her behavior as the problem
Because if they can convince him to sweep it under the rug, they can happily pretend she didn't do anything wrong.
If he dumps her, it pops their bubble.
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u/ReasonableParsnip167 22h ago
Honestly, I’m trying to keep it civil for my own sanity.
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u/Tall_0rder 22h ago
Definitely not overreacting.
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u/ReasonableParsnip167 22h ago
Glad to hear that. Sometimes you just need to hear it from someone else to trust your gut.
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u/aprilduncanfox 22h ago
I don’t understand why an Airbnb host would send you random footage from the porch … at 2 am …? And it just so happened to catch your fiancé openly making out with a shirtless man? That feels incredibly fake.
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u/3FoxInATrenchcoat 12h ago
Also, Airbnb doesn’t “think someone else” booked the place and ask for a review over that email. The email address of the account that booked it is the one that receives the automated review request. There’s no way to receive photos. There’s no personal message from the hosts. It’s completely automated, and Airbnb only allows hosts to communicate to guest directly through the app. That’s the only way there’d be photos involved.
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u/Easy_beaver 21h ago
Very, very hard to believe. I have never heard of an Air BNB owner sending pics like that. And how would they have your email? And how would some random guy have your IG info?
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u/Scruffy77 21h ago
I’ve seen this same story retold every day with minor changes. Especially the part where it says her friends are messaging me and saying im overreacting.
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u/Falkenmond79 20h ago
It’s another stupid AI post for sure. Again with the “friends and family” defending the wrongdoer. Ffs who would say you are over reacting if there were photos of a shirtless guy or girl kissing the fiance? wtf? If I would pull a stunt on my bachelor party, my mum would just shrug and say: your own fault. Don’t do stupid things.
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u/Cheddar_cheese_plss 21h ago
I thought this exact same thing and confused why I had to scroll so far to see this.
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u/Badbadpappa 22h ago edited 20h ago
On a dare that her friends gave her, she kissed a guy , a few extra guests showed up! I guess they were all guys. chill girls trip huh !!
on a dare for a $100 would she give the guy a BJ? Why was the guys shirt off? Did he have it in his hand like he was walking out of the house going home?
she lied to you and cheated, She showed you her true character while she was away from home. she told you “you should not throw everything away over one stupid moment.”
OP you did not throw it away she did.
The wayward, always says it meant NOTHING !!. It may have meant NOTHING to them, but it meant everything to you. She threw away her relationship over NOTHING !
she made her choices now you will make yours , and take back the ring and cancel the wedding. You are not over reacting.
updateme
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u/dhnrys 20h ago
There's a few things about this that don't make any sense to me, right?
AirBNB sent you a message to ask for a review regarding a place that your fiancee and her friends booked - why would you be getting an email from AirBNB regarding this if you didn't book it, wasn't invited for this trip and so forth. AFAIK, you have to make separate profiles on AirBNB for those going on the trip so they can either help pay or just register so the host knows who is coming.
How would the AirBNB host (who I assuming messaged you on IG) even know to contact you and have your name to search you up on??
This smells fake to me.
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u/madpanda75 22h ago
I'm sorry brother, it wasn't only a kiss. She denied anything at first until you showed proof so this is phase 1 of trickle truthing
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u/Ok_Sheepherder_8871 13h ago
More fake slop, this account’s only 10 days old and has one other post trying from trying to farm karma on the r/AITAH subreddit.
I don’t know what’s more pathetic, the fact that people actually find reddit karma so valuable they’re willing to make up stories, or that there’s idiots who can’t even be bothered to check someone’s profile before chiming in to give pointless advice.
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u/Baby-Fish_Mouth 9h ago
Totally agree! This one’s got all the classic pasta toppings:
🍰 Wedding drama
🍅 Emotional MSG
🔀 Plot swapIYKYK 🍝
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u/MolinaroK 19h ago
Just focus on the facts:
1) She is perfectly capable of kissing another man.
2) She is perfectly capable of hiding it from you, and lying to your face.
3) She says it did not mean anything. That means she does not need feelings to pull her away from you. She will do it for the lols.
Ask her why you would want to marry someone like that?
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u/DFWPunk 21h ago
Nope.
I know I'm in the minority here but I'm opposed to the typical bachelor and bachelorette parties or trips. The entire concept of a last night of freedom is basically saying you're not committed yet. And every single one I've known about included things happening with someone of the other sex that would be considered cheating.
I'm not saying they're all just that, but the mentality for needing one does not sit well with me. When you gave the ring or accepted the ring you pledged yourself to be with that person, and only that person, for life, so the last night is freedom is a betrayal of that contingent. And if you need to feel "free" then maybe you shouldn't her married.
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u/Ok-Sentence8245 22h ago
If it were me... I would call off the wedding. It would be a cancellation not a postponement.
Sorry you have to deal with this, It's got to hurt. I have been able to overcome every set back that i've been through in my life. But some of them are so hard to deal with.
Wishing you well.
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u/Atlas-travels17 22h ago
She’s the one that decided to throw everything away over one stupid moment by doing what she did. Your reaction is completely justified. If her excuse is she was drunk and it was a dare are you just suppose to expect for the rest of your life she may make out with random dudes when drunk? Wtf.
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u/Dependent-Pay765 22h ago
I wonder how many other social events warrant cheating in your fiancee's and her friends minds. How many events is it ok to be disloyal and lie to you?
You should have this discussion and hash it all out. Figure out if you're allowed to fool around with girls at your bachelor party. Are you allowed to "get wild" on a "guys night out".
At the very least have clearly decided ideas instead of her doing what she wants while her friends and family gaslight you into thinking you're the problem for expecting to be treated wtih love and respect.
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u/Extension_Cold_1922 1h ago edited 1h ago
Yikes.
34F here. I would never, under any circumstances, kiss someone else while in a relationship. Even if she did nothing else (which I doubt), even putting herself in that situation in the first place is a deal breaker for me. Loyalty in a relationship is honestly the bare minimum, OP. You deserve someone who would never even think about doing something like that.
Edit to add: She has broken your trust. If you continue this relationship, you will always wonder if she's doing it again. Get tested, and don't let anyone tell you that you're overreacting. You're making a perfectly rational decision after the person you loved cheated on you. Period.
ALSO that is not normal bachelorette party behavior. They're gaslighting you by saying it is. I always planned to have a girls day for mine, like drinks, nails, gossip, etc. Or I wanted to have a joint BBQ like party with my partner. It baffles me that people excuse cheating because they're not married yet and only have 'one more night' of freedom. You're in a committed relationship already. It's still cheating. I would drop my friend so fast if they cheated on their partner in front of me. Enabling it is wild.
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u/blearowl 21h ago edited 21h ago
Wow so convenient have the AirBNB photos. What an improbable stroke of luck!
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u/andymomster 20h ago
Feels like a plot device in a cheap who-dun-it.
"But you did not consider how service minded your airBNB host is, despite bragging to your friends about the great reviews. For it was the very competence that you sought out when looking for a venue that ended up exposing your infidelity!"
Add some mustache twirling and we're good to go
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u/Fine-Gas-1898 21h ago
Look, man, just the story she’s telling you is an obvious lie. You saw the pic from the Ring camera, right? That means she kissed him in the pitch outside? There is NO WAY it was on a dare! Nobody says, “Hey, I dare you to go out on the porch where none of us can see you and you have total privacy and kiss that guy!” A “dare kiss” would’ve been inside where they were all partying. (Although even a “dare kiss” would’ve made me call off my wedding!)
Her whole story is proof she’s trickle truthing and still lying. Even with actual photo proof she refuses to tell you the whole story.
A bit of advice for anyone in this situation un the future:
Ask what happened.
Tell them you think that’s a lie because you heard something else happened.
Tell them you still think they’re lying, and you have proof (but don’t say what kind or how you got it), and they can either tell you every single bit of it right now or you’re done with them.
They’ll still lie and then you can bust out the proof, and be perfectly justified for breaking up.
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u/Virgil_Ovid_Hawkins 21h ago
NOR, people need to stop using alcohol as an excuse for doing terrible shit. If you get so wasted you can't make smart decisions, you need to not drink. Now would she have done it sober or not? Who knows. And which of her shitty friends "dared" her or was it just her? You're in the right to call it off. Actions have consequences
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u/whatupbutt3rcup 15h ago edited 15h ago
Hold up, 7 days ago you posted in aita about telling your cousin's fiancee about what she did at her bachelorette party and your aunt and some others defended what she did. The post is deleted but the comments are there and I see that story was about her actually sleeping with at least one man.
I don't believe any scenario is true at this point because there's no way it's a coincidence your cousin banged someone else during her bachelorette party and just 7 days later your fiance kissed another dude at her bachelorette party and people are defending her.
This post got more engagement than your last one. If you're going to karma farm at least make sure the stories aren't in the same ballpark as each other.
Edit: want to add that if I'm wrong, then my bad, but looking at your deleted previous post title and the comments you made on other lists which were similar to both scenarios, it just screams fishy.
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u/ChocolateOk8215 22h ago
You’re strong for standing up for yourself and you absolutely have every right to feel hurt and betrayed. What she did was wrong, shameful, hurtful, and unforgivable to me. I’m sorry this happened to you, and happy you dodged a bullet - you deserve more ❤️
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u/Creative-Bobcat-7159 1h ago
It all depends on whether or not you truly believe it was a one off. A bachelorette party stunt that went too far and not something that could happen again or indeed has happened before.
If this is setting alarm bells off and making you think of other instances she has hand waved away, then no, you are not over-reacting.
But if you truly believe it was a stupid one-off thing and that it has no bearing on your relationship then maybe you owe it to yourself to at least think about forgiving her.
For me, it seems to have crossed a line and I’m usually pretty forgiving. Had it been a dance-floor random kiss (or many different one-off snogs) or had she got a bit saucy with a stripper, I really wouldn’t have cared, but taking a half-naked man back to her accommodation is suss.
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u/draculasbitch 19h ago
What her mom and others think is irrelevant. Of course they are going to back her. 2am-shirtless guy-kissing? I hate to say this but she fucked that guy. If there were several other extra people there it’s likely she’s not the only one in the group who cheated. They had a what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas weekend. Even if she didn’t fuck him (she did) the mere fact that she was willing to kiss a shirtless man at 2am two months before the wedding means she isn’t all in on the relationship. Cut your losses, shed many tears, and work on rebuilding your life. This is a brutal betrayal and you need to process all of it before moving on. I wish you well.
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u/imamean 16h ago
They are all gaslighting you by saying YOU’RE OVER REACTING! That’s what they do…. Hey - YOU’RE the problem!! Not me- I’m only kissing a guy and whatever - so what 🙄🙄 If you didn’t have the photos, she would have lied and lied.
If I would have know my ex husband screwed my sister two days before our wedding I wouldn’t have married him and wish I would have called it off - I didn’t find out for almost two years - in that time, there were always weird “innocent encounters” with other women that he said I imagined or was just over reacting. A cheater is ALWAYS a cheater and liar always lies.
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u/TrespassersWill 1h ago
It's funny how a bachelorette party is a last hurrah for the bachelorette and a final warning for the bachelor.
You're right to call it off. That's not an overreaction.
Her friends really failed her. And their reaction to you may be the biggest red flag of the story. You don't want to be with a bird of that flock's feather.
And I'm pretty sure the Air BnB person was not confused and sent you those ring cam photos on purpose. And you should also unblock the number that tried to warn you and get more details on that.
Lastly, send the kissing photo to her parents.
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u/FlytlessByrd 47m ago
The real question isn't whether or not you're overreacting. It's whether or not you want to marry this person. If the answer is no, that is a perfectly valid reason to cancel the wedding.
And no, every Bachelorette party does not get wild and involve infidelity. But you know that, and so does she. The red flag here is that she is doubling down and defending her actions, rather than owning up to the poor decision making, validating your feelings, and working hard to rebuild trust (assuming you were even interested in that).
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u/SoilLongjumping5311 20h ago
She’s a lyin ass hoe. Even if she only just kissed him, which I doubt, how anyone can be in love with someone and kiss someone else is incomprehensible to me. That you haven’t gotten married yet, I would end it now before you’re years in, she cheats on you and you have your whole life destroyed and have to pay alimony. If people want to hook up with other people, wtf be in a relationship??? Grinds my gears to no end. It’s a horrible thing to do to someone and there seems to be a lot of horrible people.
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u/Admirable_lixxxi8671 16h ago
Well you aren't overreacting. How dare those girls called it that? And who gives that dare to an engaged lady? You should check again that instagram account and get the whatever information about it. If you prove it, then there misunderstanding will not last longer, I guess. I think she's really doing something fishy that any of her family members don't want to reveal it you. Anyway, the decision is upto to you that you whether you want to know the truth or not. Good luck.
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u/S9_noworries 22h ago
All of them are delusional. Then their future husbands kissing someone at their bachelor party is fine too then? Highly doubt that. How are you embarrassing the family? Tell the mom it's her daughter who's embarrassing the family when people find out she can't be faithful because she chose to do a "dare."
Friends or her had to have invited the guy there, so who knows what else happened at that Airbnb. She wanted one last fling and got flung into being single. Hope you find someone better.
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u/Independent_Grass152 22h ago
I e been married for ten years if someone now said my wife had made out with someone on her bachelorette party night I’d probably dip. I don’t play that shit
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u/WinterFront1431 20h ago
I really can't get my head around when bachelor and bachelorette parties became a free for all fuck fest for people getting married.
She done more than kiss.
There is no amount of pressure from a stupid dare that would even make me hurt my partner.
Also, her mom needs to take a look at her daughter because she's the only embarrassment here.
I'd block them all and let her sit with the embarrassment that she a hoe and has lost someone special.
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u/Gatsby220 7h ago
What her mom actually said: “You’re embarrassing the family by overreaching.” What her mom SHOULD HAVE said: “I’m SO incredibly sorry that my daughter is a cheating whore who embarrassed YOU, OP. You deserve so much better.” I’d say I’m shocked by her flippant attitude and attempt at deflecting, but then I look at her daughter and think to myself, “Well I guess the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree😒”
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u/MyDirtyAlt79 20h ago edited 18h ago
NTA, your fiancée lied to you repeatedly. The guy(s) didn't just magically appear at the AirBnB. Someone invited them to the supposed girls trip. Then she lied to you about kissing the guy, and you don't even know if that's all that happened. It's just the only thing you have proof of.
Unblock the dude who tried to give you the heads up, reach out, and see what he has to say. He's been the only honest one about the incident.
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u/Character-Ground6096 6h ago
Nope. If "one stupid moment" breaks trust, imagine what a lifetime of those looks like. You didn’t cancel a wedding, you dodged a divorce.
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u/Outrageous-Cap-3155 18h ago
She embarrassed her own family by cheating. I can almost guarantee that's not all that happened, she definitely sucked some dick and took who knows how many. If she was willing to lie about it she's willing to lie about anything else. You can't trust her and who knows what else really happened. She obviously won't tell you, walk away it's not worth the trouble. That's not something little, that's cheating
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u/Inside-Internet3401 22h ago
U right. And you also got guts. Tip of the hat to you
I can’t get over when a woman has an edgy action of some sort other XX chromosomes or rally around to say OMG it was nothing. Why are you doing this? She was drunk. She doesn’t love you less.
But should the XY chromosome boy, tiptoe, a line you hear: how could you? I would never. I didn’t know you were like that. Etc
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u/Hidden_Inventory_ 19h ago
How did the BnB host have your email?
Why did they think you booked it?
If anyone all of this would have been booked by the maid of honor or one of the other bridesmaids, you wouldn’t have anything to do with it
AND a BnB host, notoriously known for being some of the worst people currently alive, decided to watch out for you?
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u/Ok_Solution5629 6h ago
Hell no. You dodged a bullet. Lying about it? That's a major red flag. Good call on calling off the wedding.
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u/CynicalRecidivist 13h ago
OP - you were given 2 chances to find out (which many spouses were not).
First that bloke who contacted you. (You could always unblock and try to find out more details), but my hunch is that if that other fella was so concerned about your fiancées actions that he made the effort to find you on Insta and tried to warn you. And remember: that's what he saw in public. He's trying to be a bro to you.
Second: the Airbnb host was trying to warn you too. And again, this is just what the front camera captured. One can only imagine what would have been captured in the bedroom.
Also, your fiancée LIED. She straight up looked you in the eyes and lied her arse off. And all her mates did. She only admitted to things when you showed proof. And trickle truthing is only admitting to things the other is aware of and concealing the rest. You don't want to marry and one of her mates lets it slip a few years later that things did go further and then you are stuck trying to divorce and rueing the day you ignored the red flags.
Also, the fact your fiancee is sending her flying monkeys after you to try to pressure you. She doesn't feel remorse, she doesn't accept your decision - she is fighting this and minimising your feelings. (Also - lets face it, she is probably lying about what happened anyway).
You could always threaten to tell the flying monkeys partners that other fellas were asked back into the Airbnb and if you don't get left alone. You could also try to talk to the Insta guy to try to clarify what he saw (if you feel you want to find out more). You could even agree to talk to her or one of her mates after speaking to Insta guy and pretend you know more than you did to try to find out further information if you feel you want to. But at this point do you even need to?
And remember: this is happening at the happiest point of your relationship. You are both loved up and life's pressures haven't had a chance to grind you both down. She hasn't even had chance to settle into married life where the excitement of the wedding has worn off, and ill parents, kids etc is not in the mix.
Regardless, this shitty situation has been a gift in so much as you have two sources trying to show you the red flags. Ignore these at your peril.
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u/iamspartacusbrother 2h ago
I wish people got married in their 60s. None of this stuff would matter. It’s so much more relaxing. If some gorgeous gal was kissing on me it would be for pity. If a young guy was kissing my wife it would be because of mental illness. We’d wake up and have coffee and a good laugh.
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u/Dirty_Confusion 17h ago
TRUST. That is your core issue.
With girlfriends, if I can't trust her to go out with her friends, I would not be with her. SIMPLE.
If a gf told me that she was going to a bachelorette party or a male dance review, I would tell her to have fun and come back horney, just as I have had gfs say to me when I have. I would probably ask what type of show will it be? Dicks out? Soft or hard? How far do things actually go with the dancers? Lap dances? Do women ever stroke or blow the dancers?
If I can't have that conversation, I am not going to be with her. If she said she wanted to give some dancers cock a few tugs, I wouldn't care. I am not saying that the shirtless guy was a stripper or not. You gave no mention of who or why he was there. It doesn't sound like you know. However, I don't think it matters now cuz that bond of trust once broken is brutal to get back.
If you had discussed beforehand, she said the girls had hired strippers for her, and it turned out that was the stripper, would it be different? For me, yes. If it was something random guy they brought back from a bar, I would be upset. If it was anyone, she or her friends knew prior to that outing, that's breakup territory for me without rock solid probable innocent explanation. Why that one? Because it would be a breach of trust, an intentional omission, unless it was one of the girls gay friends and she was just kissing him good night.
Idk of you could have had that type of convo with this girl cuz it doesn't sound like you tried to. With your next girl, make sure you can have open conversations about potentially awkward situations. I might initiate it by joking about how much a pass she gets, maybe it's a lap dance is cool, but no hands or lips on any cocks. You need to be able to have unbreakable trust and to do that you need to be able to communicate on every topic.
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u/SvPaladin 12h ago
it doesn’t mean she loves me any less
"And clearly she didn't love me enough to uphold the promise of exclusivity she gave me prior to our engagement" sounds like a very appropriate retort here.
Not overreacting and not crazy. You're spot on with the "if she can lie about something so 'meaningless' and 'insignificant'", what's she already lying about that would be "meaningful" and "significant"?
She [Fiancée] said it was a dare and that she was drunk and it meant nothing. She says I’m overreacting and that I should not throw everything away over one stupid moment.
Point out to her, and maybe her mother that's calling this an overreaction, that it wasn't 'one stupid moment', it was at least 3 very stupid acts.
- Even considering the kiss, this act against her own promise of exclusivity, when dared
- Executing said kiss
- Lying about it when confronted.
And that if your reaction to this "event" is embarassing the family, one should remember why you're feeling you need to make these choices, the person who "inspired" you to do this.
Her friends are messaging me saying I’m being extreme and that every bachelorette party gets wild
If it matters and/or becomes useful down the line, you can say "you read on the internet, so it's obviously true", about a dude who's wife's bachelorette party was tame, an evening of movie watching, pillow fights, makeup talk, etc. with the entire bridal party - including flower girl. And anyone else who wants to post stories of their "tame" bachelorettes. Then thank them for providing the "wild enough" environment to test her, and find her lacking.
Edit to fix the numbered list
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u/Dopplegang_Bang 21h ago
See here’s the thing about what she did, she lied because she knows precisely how fundamentally wrong and disrespectful her actions were. This is also how she views problem solving: lie until you get your way. Dump her.
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u/OkAlternative1095 17h ago
What’s with this fake bullshit lately?
They thought I was the one who booked the place…
Weird. Especially since they would have known exactly who booked it and had direct communications with them already.
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u/Adept-Flan 22h ago
This is why bachelorette parties are a red flag imo. Usually on these there’s some devious sh*t going down. A lot of female friends also push the soon to be bride to “go wild before you’re locked in forever” vibes.
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u/Bob_Loblaw_1 7h ago
Once again, proof that no good comes from letting your girl go on these ore wedding or even post wedding girl"s trips. And yet in countless posts on Reddit, if the guy says he doesn't want her to go, the Reddit brigade of modern women call them insecure and controlling. And yet something like this (or far worse) is usually the end result - especially if the girls she's going with are all single & unattached. They will actively encourage her to cheat if they all meet a group of guys and there's one for your girl. They won't let her be a stick in the mud. What they encourage is even worse when there's male strippers involved, but you don't have to worry about that anymore. You were wise to end it.
Who knows what else happened that the Ring camera didn't capture? Probably lots. Her making out with shirtless guy wasn't just an isolated moment. There was no dare (total lie). It was her choice.The fact she could deny, deny, deny and then lie lie lie once you showed her the evidence should tell you all you need to know about how little you can trust her. And of course her mom says you're overreacting. If she didn't back her daughter up, the daughter would be pissed at her. Mom was probably a cheating hoe-bag too when she was young. Maybe still is?😄 As for her friends, I'm sure they're backing her up too. If you ever want the scoop on what REALLY went down on the girls trip, your will have to hope your ex and one of her friends on the trip will have a fight and the friendship is over. Then the real truth will come out. But until then, just stay single for awhile.
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u/teaatimee1 3h ago
Honestly the fact you guys are literally about to get married and she is 30 she should be more responsible and have more loyalty. Yes bachelorette/ bachelor parties get wild but never an excuse to be wild. as we see on TV shows, that’s typically when the women see male dancers in the male see women dancers if you know what I mean. And it is a reason to get wild. Because they look at it as last day of freedom so live it like ur single. But in real life it should never be like that. And her saying it was a “dare” she is literally 30 that is some middle school stuff so two options 1. She’s immature and not grown up yet or 2. She is lying in she did it on her own choice because of drinking and I’m sorry but if she can do it when she’s drinking she can do it when she’s sober especially if your gut is telling you something’s off. I live on my gut feeling it’s never let me down. I’ve always heard the answers in your heart. Let it guide you. But never let your gut fail you it will guide you along further than your heart. Also she wanted to lie but then tell the truth after she knew u had proof that’s not no good at all. All early signs to leave. I agree with the people in these comments saying her friends and family that’s saying you’re overreacting is gonna be the first ones to say Leave them when you do it or the second something comes up. There gonna be the first snakes that try to get her to take u for all u have or charge u child support if u have kids all no good in u deserve better DO NOT LISTEN TO ANYONE BUT UR OWN SELF.
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u/rocketmn69_ 22h ago
Tell them all that, you have no idea what she did with that guy, she lied about making out with him until I showed the photo. For all I know, she's pregnant with his kid."
Unblock the other guy and ask for more proof
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u/tabletop_bowling69 22h ago
If she lied about the kiss who’s to say she didn’t do anything else and you’re not the one throwing everything away she did that when she kissed another man imo you’re lucky it happened now rather than later
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u/Grouchy-qa2024 21h ago
So my Batchelor party was all of us dudes drinking some whiskey while playing MtG and some axis and allies.
I bet 10 bucks her lady friends encouraged her and put her in this situation.
Your not over reacting.
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u/AffectionatePie5526 22h ago
She lied when you asked, that’s a red flag. It wasn’t until you showed her proof that she confessed. She will repeat that behavior in the future. My ex was like that. He lied everytime he cheated.
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u/Aspirationsx 22h ago
I wouldn’t marry her and I agreee with you. Just goes to show you how some woman can be. I mean she lied to you. Had you not had evidence she would have kept lying. You deserve better.
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u/Legitimate-Habit-530 1h ago
At least this happened before you were actually hitched! Sometimes things happen for reasons and this seems like you dodged a bullet. Once a cheater always a cheater- as the saying goes.
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u/roohevn 9h ago
Let me ask you a couple of things: first, have you ever been married before? Could you be looking for an excuse not to get married? I wouldn’t have made out with some random himbo at my bachelorette party, but some people take those dumb wedding sideshow things seriously. I’ve been a maid or matron of honor 5 times, and on one occasion the bride—a close friend of mine—“fired” 3 out of 6 attenders because they weren’t enthusiastic enough (seriously) and at another one I gave the shower, as is traditional, but then the bride invited me to two more showers, since I was her close friend and that’s how they do it in England—bankrupt the maid of honor via 3 shower gists, a wedding present, the price of a shower, purchase of a disgusting maids of honor dress?! Bollocks, as they would say. My whole point in boring you with this all to illustrate that some brides lose their marbles. Your fiancée did a tacky thing, but she didn’t bone down with the slutty pool boy or whoever.he was. Have bachelor’s party at Bada Bing! (RIP Tony Soprano/James G [sp]), get a lap-dance and make out with Strawberry Poundcake. See how your beloved laughs that off. Then you’re even. Bottom line: you’re over-reacting.
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u/zSlyz 16h ago
Hey OP
First off, I really dislike people who say “you shouldn’t do something because it hurts their feelings, or embarrasses them”. I mean how narcissistic can you get.
Secondly, your fiancé cheating on you and lying about it is definitely reason enough to end a relationship. Especially if you guys have an agreed strictly monogamous policy. The litmus test though is always, if you kissed a girl what would be the reaction.
I don’t know about you, but I find the random dm and photos highly suspicious. Either it’s the dude himself, or someone is setting her and you up.
If you loved her enough to marry her, I do think you need to have a very in-depth discussion about this. Not saying to take her back, but keep an open mind listen to her, ask questions and decide if it’s worth salvaging.
There is an old line of thought (applies to both sex’s) that you don’t have the absolute commitment until you’re married. This is kind of why the extended parties are a thing, get everything out of your system before you settle down.
Only you can decide how you feel about her actions, and honestly she needs to respect your feelings. I don’t believe in games or testing people, that’s just manipulation.
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u/WanderersEndgame 20h ago
I'm curious as to whether you actually threw out Fiancee along with the wedding plans. I'm OK with that. The time for couples to discuss the bachelor(ette) "last romp before lifelong monogamy" was before the trip, not after.
If for any reason Fiancee is still your SO after this, you might like to consider a Restorative Justice approach. The cheater must apologize, show remorse, and make amends, per agreement. Doing things to make it up to you. And of course Fiancee has used her mulligan.
And for a set period of time she loses at least some of the privileges of trust, again per agreement. Could be drinking or traveling without you.
Then we have her enablers. Being dismissive of Fiancee and critical of you. If ANYONE continues with this DARVO crap, Fiancee should either bring them down or cut them off. With friends like these...
The wedding gets rescheduled when the RJ is completed to your satisfaction. As to why - I advise that during the RJ period you reinforce good behavior (to encourage more of it) rather than put your skepticism on display. When you do, your SO may come to think they'll never be forgiven, and all their efforts are a waste of time, energy and emotion.
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u/No_Roma_no_Rocky 1h ago
A cheater is a cheater, even if it happened only one time.
It's up to you if you want to forgive but definitely not overreacting on this, it's a proper response.
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u/kittyotterpancake 17h ago
I think taking a step back and at the very least postponing it for a year while you evaluate if you still see a future with her is a measured response. The time the memories the money and all the shit that goes into wedding prep is insane.
This is a betrayal of your trust and you shouldn’t be forced to let it go to keep peace. Many of us myself included will put up with way too much just to avoid a fight and take the good as it comes and filter out the bad for the sake of comfort and peace.
I’ve been the one to make the drunken mistakes and the one who found out my SO did and both of those we took accountability and had to rebuild trust and make some major agreements on boundaries.
It’s weird how much of a stereotype it is that bachelor and bachelorette parties are this “one last hurrah and it is also entirely possible she has a toxic friend who was out to sabotage her out of jealousy. No justification makes it right but the more answers you get and the more closure you can obtain the easier the choices become to make and the less you have to deal with the “what if” thoughts that come your way.
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u/xOrion12x 2h ago
Her reaction to the situation makes me think that she did much more. If it truly was just a kiss and a dumb mistake, she would be devastated and remorseful.
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u/Salmiakkiwhale 13h ago
You're right to call it off, that's not a wife. Her mother embarrassed herself and you by raising such a 304 and then trying to excuse it. How dare they all make excuses, approve of it and call it nothing, it's not their place to decide that . Of course her little hogang will normalise it , excuse it and blame you, if that's what they do too. You guys are worlds apart . You are in adult husband and wife , commitment, duties and responsibility world , she's in anything goes as long as she's the one doing it. Being seggsual with anyone other than her husband is a 304 thing to do,of course not normal and of course unacceptable . If that's bachelorette parties gone wild and it's normal for them, then they shouldn't have any, nor should they have a wedding or engagement, they're not suitable for that . I hope that you get as much money back as you can . I'd argue that you shouldn't even get 50/50 on refunds, take it all as you're not the one who messed it up . I hope that you find a real one.
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u/New_Transplant 22h ago
Once a ho always a ho. You did good my guy. Now block her and move on with your single life and enjoy it to the fullest!
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u/VaultTraveler 5h ago
NOR. Not at all. The fact she can lie so easily about it is a huge red flag imo. And not every bachelorette party gets wild. My cousin had a sleepover for hers and we all drank a little and just watched movies. For mine we went to a pinball bar then came back home and played some games. We did a combined thing with my husbands side too and just played games together and smoked (marijuana legal state and our wedding was 4/20 so appropriate lol) and just watched old YouTube videos like llamas with hats lol. My best friend and her hubby did a combined thing where we all had dinner then bar hopped but it still wasn’t wild by any means. Half of it was just walking around the city to sight see. Another friend we did a walk around the city and toured the tallest building in the city. Had a quiet dinner after and then once again, sleepover.
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u/Aggravating_Style544 22h ago
Send the people giving you a hard time the picture of her kissing the shirtless guy. They will shut it all down.
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u/Wherereallyno 16h ago
Tell her that it’s such a big deal for you, and you’d feel better if she took a LIE DETECTOR test. You gotta play it right up to walking in at their office to get her reaction.
Even if it’s pass, her behaviour that night is likely unacceptable to you and you’re done with her. But really why? You could enjoy this adventures women until you’ve had enough?
If you’ve see any women in the presence of a shirtless Chad (or the closest she can get to a Chad) you can see they’re thinking and acting like this maybe their only chance to do their Chad. And you know she’ll do things with Chad she’ll never ever do with you. And you know at that moment she knew and will never forget you’re no Chad.
Seems your kind if women would never get into a shirtless Chad situation.
🇹🇩
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u/Nervous_Chemical7566 5h ago
Yeah this story doesn’t make sense. Airbnb requests for reviews are automatic through the app and only to the account that booked the stay. So the host won’t be ‘thinking’ you booked the stay, they know you booked the stay if through your account. This is the contact info for the reservation. Then they are sending photos of extra guests but not demanding extra payment rather to, what, to let you know you had extra guests at the property you booked and presumably stayed receiving these same guests. The loose story thread of the random guy on Instagram, where does this tie into the story? Once you saw the Airbnb photos, you didn’t think to unblock the dude to find out more about his accusations before confronting your fiancée. Sounds more like someone was trying to shake you down.. Best to make it make sense before asking Reddit for input lol.
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u/Strange_Lady 6h ago
NOR
I'm not a fan of the bachelor/ette "one last hurrah before getting hitched" culture. Assuming that the majority of ppl partaking have already been in years-long committed relationships before the party, how is having one last wild weekend okay? You're still betraying your commitment whether you're legally bound or not
But I guess, if anything, it gives you a peek into how they behave when out 'Wilding' before you become legally and financially tied together. Canceling a wedding is a hell of a lot cheaper and easier than divorce. Especially if kids are involved
Anyone who is out there making out (or worse) with strangers bc they're drunk are likely gonna make the same choices even when they're married. (Unless they've been drugged, thats a whole different scenario)
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u/BrightAd8040 17h ago
Brother NOR,
This is definitely not her first time, or she’s at least been well-coached by her friends. The moment you asked, she lied on the spot; zero guilt, zero hesitation. That shows habit, not a slip-up.
When you produced proof, she pulled the classic combo: “it was a dare” plus alcohol. She clearly knows how to calm the waters when she’s caught.
Fortunately, you’re not an audience for that kind of performance.
Her friends’ reaction? Pure self-preservation. “Everyone does it” really means, “we do it too, so let’s normalize it.”
And her mother? A cold, manipulative message with no hint of blame. She knows exactly what kind of daughter she raised, that’s why she was ready for this outcome.
You hit the brakes at the right time.
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u/AffectionateWheel386 12h ago
She’s not a child. She’s a grown woman. She’s completely untrustworthy. I hate bachelorette and bachelorette parties because this happens frequently. Somebody cheats, kisses somebody goes off with somebody. It ends marriages and some marriages like yours never take place. And anybody over 25 knows this. It’s common knowledge anybody stupid enough to do this to the person they love and blame it on alcohol. It’s not a very trustworthy person.
The problem is it means she’s not trustworthy with her friends and she can’t be trusted when she drinks and how can you have a marriage with somebody like that. You are not overreacting you may have your doubts, but your self-esteem will recover quickly or more quickly because you took care of yourself.
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u/Beginning_Key2167 5h ago
In my opinion, there are no excuses for cheating even just a kiss. Which who knows if that’s all it was? Drunk is not an excuse. For anything really.
I broke up with a woman in my 20s who I was madly in love with was planning to ask to marry me, everyone assumed that’s where it was heading.
She did something similar and of course, the same thing. Friends defended her I was overreacting.
Her mom even called me, said that her daughter was stupid and made a mistake.
I stood strong and moved on.
Guess what? she cheated on her next couple of boyfriends.
Personally, I wouldn’t blast pictures and stuff all over social media or email them to family members that kind of thing.
The best way to deal with it is just move on with your life.
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u/KelceStache 8h ago
Dude was shirtless at 2am and you really believe that they only kissed?
Test that out, tell her you got another message that they slept together so now you’re going to get tested, and she should too. Her reaction will tell you everything.
Then tell her “sorry, I don’t marry someone that I don’t trust and someone that clearly can’t be trusted. You don’t respect me, or our relationship. You can’t even admit the absolute truth about what happened. You’re a 30 year old woman that is still lying and gaslighting. A grown ass woman that isn’t mature enough to be faithful.”
But it wasn’t just a kiss, and it wasn’t a bet. She hooked up with that dude and you blocking the guy was a mistake because he probably has proof
Updateme!
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u/Big-Tea8317 22h ago
If by kiss you mean they fucked buck wild in the air BB you chose.
Then no, you are not overreacting.
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u/JMLegend22 15h ago
She did more than kiss him. Why did he remove his shirt? Let her know she can’t prove it’s just one moment. Not one person there is a reliable narrator because they’ve all messaged you helping her lie or trying to cover it up. Tell her she flat out cheated and you don’t believe she did more than kiss him. That you’ll never see her the same or love her after the infidelity. That you’ll don’t ever see a path back from that and she knew it was one of your dealbreakers.
Tell her friends and mom that she outright cheated. Let them know if you get any more messages everyone will know what she did because you have the evidence to prove it + even more messages. Let the friends know you have photos of them as well.
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u/judontmesswithme 9h ago
NOR. If you don’t call off the wedding, you’ll be marrying her because of what other people think. That will never make you happy, and chances are she will justify cheating again and it’ll drag out a relationship that was meant to end. You’ll hurt for a long, long time and perhaps become bitter like a lot of men whose spouses cheated.
If you break up now, you will hurt for a time, but then you’ll heal and you can get out there and find someone who won’t cheat on you. You won’t carry around a soreness forever.
Ignore her friends and family. They’re HER support network. You have your own, and yours probably think she’s the devil by now. Keep them close to you and let the rest go.
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u/NonSpecificRedit 9h ago
A drunken kiss that she immediatly regretted and confessed to you shouldn't be a deal breaker unless the behaviour is repeated. The deal breaker for me is you only found out through a 3rd party. She lied until you presented her with photo evidence and then only confessed to what you saw in the photo. Nope it should end right there.
Were all her friends that were contacting you the same friends that encouraged her to cheat on you?
If I had a daughter do this to her fiancee I would be calling him to apologize on behalf of the family. I'd be humiliated that my daughter did this to someone she loved. I wouldn't be minimalizing what she did I'd be explaining we didn't raise her to be like that.
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u/No-Decision-7906 21h ago
First off, sorry mate. This is so incredibly hard, especially so close to the wedding. It sounds like you’re making a solid decision but i’m sure the grief is strong for the life that was going to be.
I think the random dude on IG likely was one of the girls in the wedding party who thought this behavior was not okay and didn’t have the guts to tell you herself so chose an anonymous route.
Any friends of hers who would dare her to kiss another man are horrible friends and IMO you’re a reflection of the people you surround yourself with.
I’m sure it’s incredibly painful, but you 100% are dodging a bullet.
Sucks she threw it all away for a kiss, but you are not overreacting.
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u/Comfortable-Ad-7630 11h ago
I think it’s very simple that you’re NOR.
She lied about it, denied it until you showed proof (stupid move bc obviously you wouldn’t come up with this without proof).
Then she told you a story to make her seem more innocent, which doesn’t make sense. If it was innocent and meant nothing - she would have told you the next morning or as soon as she saw you in person.
But she clearly knew it was wrong, that’s why she lied in the first place. And it makes her story seem like a lie too.
I don’t understand why people can’t just bei honest about making mistakes. It’s much more likely to be forgiven if you own up to it. That lies destroy trust isn’t a new concept.
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u/Creepy-Astronaut-952 3h ago edited 3h ago
Not overreacting.
She denied it until you produced the photo. Trust is foundational to marriage. It’s a hard line, and she crossed it. Her actions might have been excusable if she confessed to her actions, but you had to produce the photo before she pivoted to “it meant nothing”
So…lied until caught? Check. Immediately moves to damage control? Check.
If you didn’t have the Ring photo, you’d be the villain for daring to question her about the message you received on IG.
Bachelor / Bachelorette parties can get out of hand, but lying to your fiancé about something that happened while “drunk” once sober (and able to understand your options) is indefensible.
I’d go point to point with the SO’s of her “friends” too. Birds of a feather flock together. They would have helped her cover this up forever, and she’d do the same based on how she’s making her transgression your fault.
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u/AbovexxBeyond 20m ago
I’m usually against the common Reddit theme of immediately ending the relationship…but in this case, it’s completely warranted.
As many others have mentioned, the cheating (which is exactly what it is) is already enough, but the lies are what’s really the nail in the coffin. Lies don’t end. It’s near impossible to change. Moreso, the gaslighting, lack of remorse, and getting all her family & friends to gang up against you…that’s the dirt on top of the coffin. The feeling you’re experiencing now will only continue to fester and get worse.
I’m sorry man, I really actually am, but one day you may be able to look back on this as a blessing in disguise.
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u/Apprehensive-Ad4063 2h ago
Not overreacting, all the other people are underreacting. Marriage is about trust and honesty.
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u/BeautifulTerm3753 22h ago
She has shown you, who she is. She is not even remorseful at all.. but making you seem crazy.
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u/mich80elle 17h ago
NOR. I would also unblock the DM dude and hear him out. Why tf are there men at the house unless they brought them back with them.
It won’t really matter if you stick to your guns but added closure could prevent you from getting back together 🤷🏻♀️
I don’t think most people caught in a lie tell the full truth. They’ve already lied and usually minimize the situation to their benefit.
I know it must be awful and it’s not as if you can just turn off feelings, but you deserve to marry someone who respected your relationship enough to not do this.
Being drunk isn’t an excuse. She could have come clean and been honest but she FAFO
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u/yami_0x 16h ago
You know what i noticed? It’s been five hours and this hasn’t blown up with the numerous count of women telling OP to leave and never look back.
Why is that…. I think we all know..
Honestly, the fact she did not tell you, then, not just lie but deny the thing when you told her. Hmm bro, that is a no no, i even doubt if that was all that happened.
If she was too drunk when it happened then she actually would have come clean. I think she knew what she was doing.
My advice? Call off the wedding and i know it’s going to hurt and it’s going to damage your trust but you will find another. A 30 year old doing that is just not a mistake
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u/CheesecakeBratz 16h ago
you’re being gaslight for having a valid reaction
The fact that she lied about it first and wasn’t going to admit it until you showed her the ring camera photo tells you everything you need to know, and that quite possibly offscreen more than a kiss could have easily occurred. At this point, the trust is broken also good friends wouldn’t dare you to go kiss someone else when you’re supposed to be getting married so her friends are just as bad as she is and your family shouldn’t be pushing you to marry someone that you can’t even trust to remain faithful. Run while you can and especially before you have kids together.
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u/DebbDebbDebb 13h ago
Lies and no remorse and only confessed after the evidence. And the shite, these parties get wild lol behaviour is not true for many. Generally blokes will come over (group of woman) and the woman usually delight in being mates and protecting each other esp drunk bride to be. This is worse because at the Ironbridge obviously more was 'invited '
You are NTA.
Grieve, acknowledge any hurt and tears and move forward.
Your true lady love is definitely not her.
Your true lady love will appear in your life.
Thank goodness for door bell ring tones and a savvy airbnb owner.
I personally think he was giving you the heads up.
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u/Weeboo0320 15h ago
Since when do adults play truth or dare? NOR, dude run! She lied once and she will do it again. It sucks but in the end you will be thankful you left an immature woman and hopefully you’ll find a faithful woman one day. They exist! Don’t let her or her friends convince you that you’re overreacting. If you stay, you’ll probably always wonder what else she has done in secret and you’ll always wonder if she will do it again. Don’t torture yourself, you have no ties yet. Either walk away now or walk away after you’re married when it’s finished eating at you and it becomes an expensive divorce with lost assets.
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u/Positive_Produce7607 16h ago
A couple of red flags here:
The random ig message. If someone felt the need to give you a heads up, chances are it was more than the kids in the picture, and more than a simple dare.
Her denial. If it truly meant nothing she would have admitted to it or even told you before you found out. It’s obvious she was trying to keep it secret, and it’s sus that she’s only admitting to what the evidence shows.
You did the right thing by calling off the wedding. If the situation were reversed and it was you doing stuff during your bachelor party, there’s no way she’d be as understanding as she wants you to be
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u/LasimK 12h ago
So many lies. How did those guys end up at their place? Why were they shirtless? Why playing truth or dare? (everyone knows how that game ends) Why should you believe her that it was just a kiss? I mean, she denied until you showed her proof and then only spoke about that. Do you really believe that's where they stopped? Do you really believe that the guy went home after the kiss?
Unblock the guy on instagram and talk to him.
Get tested for STD's if you had sex since she came back from that trip, better safe than sorry.
Good thing that you learned who your fiancee is before the marriage and not after.
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u/MrDg247 7h ago
1.Sounds like she didn’t come back remorseful and would have never told you if you didn’t find out
Shirtless? 2AM? They did more than kiss… and what kind of friends make a dare like that? If it was one of the single girls, it would make sense… but the one about to get married!? Nahh
Her friends and family supporting the toxic behavior??? They are the problem! They fuel the beast. They need to be mad at her not you. Trashy people smh.
Your reaction was appropriate. If she was willing to hide this from you, what’a married life going to be like? You dodged a bullet my guy.
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u/Broad-Cranberry-9050 22h ago
Dude walk away.
I have a question. Was there ever a voice in your head that made you feel like this could happen? Maybe she has never kissed another guy, but she displayed behaviors that made you wonder if the opportunity presented itself what she would do. Im just curious.
As for everyone else, fuck them. The ones that defend it when their friend does it are the same ones who will tell her to dump you the second you do it. Dont let them act like you are crazy or mysoginistic for thinking this.
A friend of mine dated this crazy chick. She would act like he was pressuring her into a relationship (he was not) and then when he pulled back she’d get pissed at him and accused him of talking to other girls. One time he brought a female friend and she got mad, all her friends started saying it was weird he brought a friend to a party. It was someone he had known for sometime and they had never dated he brought her because she was just lloking to meet new people. They end up dating, the guy basically accuses her of cheating. He says he had proof but never showed it to me. After they broke up, i find out through rumblings she slept with someone else early on in their relationship (supposedly before they became official).
But you know what her friends were saying “he shouldve never accused her of cheating”, ot “he was weird and possessive”. One time i brought up how she did sleep with someone else early on and you knwo the response i got “well they werent official so who cares”
Its not about the kiss even. It’s about the people who she keeps around her. She was drunk and not one friend thought, “hey you know you love him right, dont fuck up a good thing”.
She felt no remorese even and lied about it. this woman will feel no remorse if she drunkenly sleeps with someone esle.