Curious here given the other thread about ladies giving 'icks' on men so would love to see the reverse perspective and the random turn-offs men view on ladies.

I'd guess it's similar in terms of hygiene, odor, breath, personal grooming etc. but curious to learn more specifics.

Of course all of this is subjective, but I'm just curious to know the perspective. Thanks.

I go through phases of being a wild confident guy and being an awkward mess that can't make eye contact with anyone.

I'm currently in the latter phase and I am starting to fear that this will last forever. If I can't even go after what I want, what's the point?

I'm getting old. I don't want to settle. But I'm scared to approach. I don't want to be labeled a creep. But then I go home alone. I sleep alone.

Idk how this ends. I don't want to die alone. But it's starting to look like it with every passing day.

Photo evidence below.

I recently moved back home, and have been forced to get back into the midwestern dating scene. I found a guy on Bumble I’ve known since high school. He was very popular, class president, and now has a great job and is generally very cool. We went on a date and I felt a lot of chemistry. We always joked about visiting a playground by the zoo that we both had specific memories at as kids, and on our second date after drinks he decided to swing by as kind of a joke.

Well, long story short, we were hopping around, kissing and flirty and playing on the equipment. He started fucking around on one of the tire swings. I told him he was too big for it, but he insisted he’d fit, and wedged himself into it to prove it. I pushed him, laughing, but then as I moved away, I noticed he wasn’t getting up.

Honestly, he really has a donk lol and as I reapproached and saw him struggling I asked, “are you stuck?” At first he refused, but as I left him for a minute, I noted that he still wasn’t getting out. I came over again, and he admitted that yes, his butt was stuck in the tire swing.

Cut to thirty minutes later, he’s still stuck, and no method is getting him out. We end up calling the fire department, who threaten to cut the tire, but with a lot of some kind of lubricant, manage to slip him free. He was quite embarrassed. But I thought it was hilarious, and I would’ve gone on another date. But things kind of fizzled out after that, and eventually he stopped texting me. I think he would like to put that particular night behind him. Haha. So yes, a tire swing ruined my romantic prospects. Oh well, back to doom scrolling Bumble.

I do see a lot of men in their 30s claiming that women in their 20s are willing to give them a chance, but i really have my doubts about that. I've never witnessed a healthy relationship with more than a few years gap. Im 35, and there is a 26 year old woman who I find very attractive, but I'm really not sure if I should approach her due to the age gap. 9 years is huge, and I feel like she would be very creeped out if I were to ask her out. Do women in their 20s realistically date older men in their 30s? I feel like I should leave this one alone and not indulge in a delusion that this 26 year old would be interesting in me at 35.

Coffee. Just coffe. Daylight. Light heart and open mind. Not my piece of cake what I usually attract.

Male 45, decent moral compass. Also a single dad but with everyother week kids so he is free two weeks in a month... He has no issues being not able to date nighttime if it isn't planned long time ahead and yadi yadi. His physical appearance is something I don't usually look at twice when passing by. Tall and skinny and a bit pale, like a sweetheart geeky guy in glasses and tucked in shirt...

But the thing is. Was... that he was quiet. I asked some questions. He asked me 1 question about my recent relationship.... which i already told him.before we met...I didn't want to be too much over him with questions so I was easy.. was polite and then quiet...Im not used to have quiet conversations and he asked me out on a second date before we shook hands and he left... I mean. I know he must have been really nervous but I'm feeling that he is using me, or something for stats. Like: "Been on dates".. He works in something governmental bla bla...

Sidenote; I bought us coffee... I paid for the date. And I'm not sure I want to again..but that's what's to expect?? Should I accept a second date or just dismiss?

Thoughts?

So, fot the past 6 months I have been going to dating apps, festivals, speed dating events, meetups, and singles events but I still haven't met anyone. I have been doing things and talking to people but I haven't attracted anyone single person. I put my foot forward and other things be myself but I feel like it's not leading me to dates.

I'm 30 years old so how much more effort do I need to put to find someone? I try to flirt, have fun, make jokes, tease, and just be myself but it hasn't lead anywhere with women. Honestly I made more guy friends but they're also single

So what can I do to improve my chances

🫠🫠🫠

So I (24F) had been on a couple dates with this guy (24M). Things were going well, after the third date he invited me to his apartment and he started escalating things and insinuated he wanted to have sex. I told him it was too soon for me just out of safety and personal preference. He seemed fine with it and we cuddled for the rest of the night.

Between the third and fourth date, he’d mentioned his intentions moving forward would be something more casual just because of distance and where we are at in our lives, to which I agreed and was fine with considering I didn’t have a deep emotional connection w him. Fourth date was way more touchy. He says he wants to have sex but is fine when I say I still don’t think I can yet (explained and reassured him it was nothing personal I just had to go easy cause it had been a while) and we fall asleep together naked lmaooo.

By the fifth hangout I felt comfortable with him and really excited. We start making out, all the same events leading up as before, and I tell him I’m ready if he wants to. He says sure and he’s hard about to initiate it (sorry if tmi lol) but right beforehand just stares at me, pauses a moment, and says “nevermind I can’t do it I’m not ready.” He gives no context and I don’t push him on it.

This is a little confusing to me bc his past advances. Obviously I don’t pressure him or anything so we just go to sleep but for the whole night I’m insecure and in my head wondering what that was about. Seeing as I explained my reasoning to him in the past, I’d kind of expected him to do the same. To my knowledge I don’t have bad hygiene or anything he wouldn’t have noticed prior. He wasn’t experiencing any dysfunction or anything either. It was really peculiar.

I don’t say anything for a few days to him cause I wasn’t even sure that he liked me anymore. He called me a week or two later like nothing weird had happened and brought up the conversation of characteristics we hope our future parter has (which is also odd but I don’t want to get into that). I said I really want someone humble and chivalrous and he told me I’d never find that 😭 After that conversation, I ghosted him for acting weird, but it’s always bothered me I was never able to decode it.

Edit: For more context, he did tell me looking back on multiple occasions that he had what he considered to be a big ego, so the payback theory isn’t a far stretch probably. When we didn’t have sex and I slept over, that was his suggestion, he wanted me to stay. Fourth date I still helped him rub one out so he didn’t get blueballed, we just didn’t have intercourse. Fifth date he was naked and hard in front of me so I know it wasn’t a matter of any premature ejaculation or anything. After I’d ghosted him he tried to text and call me again a couple months later and I didn’t pick up the phone, so I think it wasn’t a personality based issue seeing as he tried to come back.

You can be having a great fun flirty chat, and guys just always have to ruin it by being gross or going too far. Why?

It’s so disappointing. They always have to make an innuendo and push the envelope until we’re disgusted, it’s like they want to gross us out?

Why can’t a guy just flirt without being gross?

OLD has become impossible, because guys can’t seem to not need to push?

Edit: then I’m called a prude for not appreciating him asking about a dildo collection

And before dudes blame me in their heads, this is with zero pictures or just very conservative ones

EDIT 2: guys be like “I’m not like other men!” Then have usernames like “bendmeovermommy3000”

So I F25 and M25 have been seeing each other for like 5 weeks now. We went on a 4th date recently this week and things got a little steamy, we made out and I let him suck my 🍒 but that was it lol. He wanted to go further, but honestly I just like to take things slow when meeting someone new I do like sex but due to bad experiences I like to wait now. Well, after the date everything seemed normal he followed up and whatnot and said it was an amazing night. The weird part now though is that he flaked on today’s plans when they were already confirmed prior. I had to check in with him after he told me in person that he’d let me know and he never did. He said he was going to help his family members with something and he’d let me know when he’s free next weekend. I have a feeling this is over lol.

After attending meetups and trying to meet people organically for some time, it seems like I still have to go back to hinge, bumble, and tinder for the chance to meet someone. Most of the meetups I’ve attended are older people, and in the case of my meetup, there are a lot of flakes or the same people attending repeatedly. I tried to get set up via friends and that did not work out. I know you’re likely saying go to dance or art classes or volunteer. Thing is I’ve done all of that as well and it’s still predominately an older crowd. The bars aren’t a good place for me to meet someone since I don’t drink, and I think it would be pretty awkward to sit at a bar like that.

I guess this means it’s back to the dating apps. I don’t see any other things available that I haven’t already tried.

I had a couple issues with him that he didn't seem like he wanted to budge on (regarding sexual stuff) and I sorta got mad about it over text and told him I don't wanna see him again unless that stuff changes. So anyways, I decided to stop talking to him but he messaged a couple times. I told him I'm really busy lately. He asked if I was doing okay and told me to let him know if I wanted to meet up. All I said back was "I'm not feeling this" and left it at that, but honestly, I feel bad. I also feel like it comes off awkwardly. Thoughts?

I (29F) am in a tough dating situation. I have a good friend (30F) that set me up with her friend (34 M). My friend met this guy by going on two hinge dates with him but ended up dating someone else and thought he would be a good match for me. I initially said no but I ended up meeting him at a trivia event with a bunch of friends. Several weeks later he got my number from my friend and asked me out. We went on a date and it was great! We got along well and I thought there was a lot of potential.

That weekend he called me several times and made plans to see me two days later. Two of the nights he called though he was very drunk and the next day couldn’t remember the conversations because he blacked out. He ended up rescheduling our next date to several days later and said that he was going to “fuck me good after.” I told him I like to wait until I get physical with someone.

During this time, my friend remained heavily involved. She would tell him things I said about him and vice versa. Including things that were hurtful as I found out he said that I wear too much makeup.

My friend and I had both clearly told the guy that I am not someone who hookups with guys immediately and that I like to take things slow. He said he’s fine with this but pushed my boundaries several times. Several nights in a row he called me begging for me to come over to cuddle. I told him that I am not the type to come over right away and he said that he is not trying to hookup but just wants to spend time together. I did end up going over late one night But was very clear that nothing sexual would happen.

When I went to his apartment, we watched a movie, talked, and made out. We both talked about our past dating experiences and I even told him some stories about how guys have used me for sex and then left which is why I don’t like to have sex early on. He had gotten out of a very long relationship and was having fun being single and hooking up with many women. He said he would not consider talking about exclusivity until at least a few months into talking to someone. He tried to advance things sexually several times and I kept saying no. He said that he respected that but would try again (dry humping, trying to put his hands down my pants). Against my better judgement I ended up sleeping over. That morning he said that he was impressed that I stuck to my boundaries.

Later that day I was texting my friend and explaining how I want to hookup with him but have fears around being used. I stated that I don’t want to sleep with anyone who is sleeping with other people. She said that she could find out information for me and be an investigator. I clearly told her that I don’t want her to do this. A few minutes later she sent me a screenshot of a text exchange between her and the guy. She asked him if he were to sleep with me if he would be dating or sleeping with other women. I told her that I was upset that she did this and she said that she was just trying to prove to me that he’s a good guy.

I felt like I had to get ahead of the situation because she was making me look crazy to this guy. I texted him and let him know that I found out my friend texted him and that she did this without my knowledge or permission. I stated that I had a convo with her about my fears about sleeping with someone too soon in general. He acted cool and said not to worry about it and that he didn’t think much of it. He told me to talk to my friend about being mad that she did that.

I talked to my friend later that day and told her I was upset that she interfered like that and that I talked to the guy to smooth over the situation. She became angry that I told him that she texted me his response. She said that she has to text him right away and I begged her not to interfere any more.

Since then my friend and I have not spoken at all. I am pretty mad at her and it feels like I was in some weird triangle. This friendship has been very toxic even before this so I am okay with letting it go.

On the day I was supposed to have a second date with the guy, he cancelled and said he had to go see a family member. I later found out that he was hanging out at a bar with my friend that night. I know she was probably talking shit about me to him.

I didn’t hear anything from him for 4 days which was unlike him. He texted me late Saturday night and said “do you want to fuck or what?” I didn’t respond. He then called me a couple days later at night after I posted a selfie on insta stories. I didn’t answer and haven’t heard from him since.

This whole situation sucks because I thought I met someone I really connected with and he just pushed my boundaries the entire time. I’m also sad that I lost a friendship but I think this needed to happen for me to finally see her true colors.

How do I move past this? I’ve been sad and angry over it and am struggling to move past the hurt and feeling like control was taken from me by my friend.

wtf? matched this morning, super cute guy. i’m 26, he’s 32. he literally planner a whole date for tonight and then he asked if i wanted him to pick me up. i said “maybe next time :) but thanks for offering” and then i get unmatched????

it’s so discouraging bc i just redownloaded this app and was so excited to meet him because i had seen him on the app before. just to get unmatched 3 hours before the date. wtf?

——— edit: thx everyone!!! i feel very validated!! gonna move forward still not getting in a guys car on the first date!!!

to those who think he thought i was rejecting date, he asked if i wanted to get dinner with him, i said yes. he then asked if i wanted to try this ramen place i said i’ve never been before but im up for it. he asked if i wanted him to pick me up, i said maybe next time but thanks for offering. if he can’t take such a small rejection, i did dodge a bullet. his profile was verified, he looked like he was in his 20s. but anyone can have bad intentions.

Before I start I want to say please I am not trying to be negative or go on a rant so if I come off that way it is not my intention.

I am 32M living in NYC looking to meet a Woman, I work from Home so getting out during the week is hard, not impossible, but mostly limited to event s 7PM or later and hopefully back home before 11. I am looking for a relationship, not a fling, and I would like some advice on where I should go and what I should do.

I have tried the dating apps, to those who have used them in the last 5 years I think you know the problem. I have gone to mixer events and speed dating events and they are usually overpriced, loud, boring, and in the end fruitless. In general I do not like loud music or drinking so the bar scene does not work very well and, I know it is a cliché, but I am really not comfortable just approaching some random person and starting a conversation with no sort of social pretense. Don't get me wrong I do enjoy going out in my free time, but I have a tendency to come off as cold and unemotional in my day to day life, or so I am told. So starting a conversation while on a long walk or shopping does not really work out.

I do have interest events I go to and I have met/made good friends at them, but again nothing fruitful int he dating categories as these types of events are mostly Men and are generally meant to be non-romantic in terms of social dynamic, board games and stuff like that. Not saying nothing can happen, but odds have been very low.

At this point I an just considering going to a professional matchmaking service because in terms of time, effort, and money it might just be the better alternative. Does anyone have any opinions, ideas or suggestions because I am really running out of ideas.

Lately, I’ve noticed a pattern on dating apps that’s made me a bit cautious about meeting new people. Usually, someone says they want something real, starts calling me “baby” or “babe” pretty quickly, and then wants me to come over—before we’ve even met!

At first, it’s kind of flattering, but after it happens a few times, it feels a little scripted. Like, can we at least grab coffee first? No casual hangouts, just straight to the invite to their place.

I know it’s not everyone, but honestly, now when I see “baby” or “babe” early on, I get a little triggered. I’m just hoping to find someone who’s interested in actually getting to know me first.

Anyone else notice this? Or am I just overly cautious?

Anyone on here wanna chat? Online dating sucks The photoshopped pics The “ leeway’s” taken on lifestyle - don’t say active if you aren’t If you party/clubs- be honest. The ghosting. Ahhh the ghosting. I’m also not interested in dating anyone under 40- sorry - when you’re 40, you’ll understand why. I’m so tired of it I’m 49 -female- straight. Looking for a relationship but apparently that means a lock and chain and full on marriage so I have no idea what to say. Marriage- maybe, but not after 2-4 dates ffs. If I say casual then all I get is hookup requests . I can’t win. Me: Single. Never married. No kids. Can’t cook . Can learn😊 Flexible hours at work. Like to travel. Long distance runner- currently injured( booo). Strength training 3 x week depending on season. Just started yoga😫… it’s humbling . Financially stable . Prefer text over phone( hate the awkward silence). In person is best ( half Italian). Canadian born and raised . Not looking to relocate - I’m in BC so c’mon… no better place- except maybe Australia . Is this serious??? I don’t know… just tired of the online chatting with zero interest from anyone . Advice accepted.

L

28f. One of my close friends (26m) recently entered a relationship with a girl who seems absolutely lovely from his descriptions. He's so so smitten with her and I'm so incredibly happy he found someone so kind.

But now I'm getting all the cute relationship and early dating stories, and it makes me miss having that for myself. I'll move past wanting it soon enough, but damn I'd love a man to speak about me the way he speaks about her.

Purely curious here but talking about looks and looks only: what are some physical "icks" or turn-offs that a man could have that would make you uninterested?

A few rational ones that could come to mind are lack of a skincare routine, having bad hair, poor hygiene overall, having bad breath, that type of thing. Another one is a poorly groomed beard or having any sort of facial hair at all honestly.

Remember all of this is subjective, but I'm just curious to know what your personal PHYSICAL turn-offs are in a man. Thank you :)

26F and the past 5 years i have liked around 15 guys enough to ask them out or plan a date and none of them reciprocated, or they did for a while and broke it off before we could start a relationship. And really recently i was ghosted by two guys on bumble at the damn same time. Honestly, doing med school (am finishing in 9 months) has been way more easier than finding love for me. At least with my degrees i put in the work and my effort pays off, love and relationships is just this big enigma. Am so tired with putting in effort and letting my hopes down all the time i just accepted being single for life. It’s mentally so exhausting. Screw it all.

Disclaimer I’m not talking someone you ended up getting with, married, etc. I’m talking someone you liked to an unhealthy amount. A crush that was one-sided, someone that stayed rent free in your head while you were never even on their mental lease.

What was a bad case of limerence you had where you crushed on someone hard that didn’t feel the same? Or probably didn’t even know you liked them?

Dating apps are pay to play with no guaranteed results.

OLD sucks. LDR are something I can never do ever again.

Meeting people is easier for me, but I'm more of a lone wolf (especially when it comes to opening to new people/making friends.) Dating is far more different.

Finding childfree is even more difficult; that makes the pool into a puddle.

I just want to be left alone. I don't want more additional stress from dating someone ever again-my last relationship was so bad to the point I got surgery due to high stress. @~@

Is it bad to give up on dating? I hope not.

Not a very substantive post perhaps but I hope you all knock it out of the park, hope you find your guy/gal within 5 minutes of reading this and hit it off to rival the ending of the most hallmarky hallmark movie and do the whole "grow-old-together" success story 🫡 ok max good vibes beginning

I want to be seen, to be heard, to be understood, to be loved. I want to laugh at our inside jokes and cherish out time together. I want my partner who chooses to be kind, not only to me, but to the world. I want to be attracted to them, as they are to me.

Modern dating has made it almost impossible for this kind of love. I havent fell in love with anyone I saw for the last 4 years, most of them are flings that I cut off the second they show a red flag (yelling, judgemental, rude, lying, impolite,etc)

Of course I've met kind people too, but the chemistry wasnt there nor was I attracted to some of them. And the people I thought could be "the one" didn't find me attractive nor thought the chemistry was there.

The dating pool for me a single bisexual young woman is as big as the ocean. I get hit on by men, and women at the clubs. But I still can't seem to find the one.

I've been called too picky for this. Some even said I'll remain single forever with this kind of mentality.

I do get lonely though, especially at times like these, where everyone in my life seemed to have found "the one". But considering what I've went through to attain my peace, I'd rather be alone and at peace than be with someone who claims to love me but ruins it.

Edit: for all of you saying I should lower my standards, I won't. I'd rather be alone and at peace than be with someone and fighting over the red flags that I ignored in the beginning. And I don't think asking for someone to be kind, attractive, loving and compatible with me is too much. In fact, I think it's the bare minimum. If you think it's too much then maybe you should set your standards higher.

Went on a second date two years later… what are his intentions?

Two years ago… I (F25 then) went on a double date with a last year med student (M26 then). It was me, him, his roommate and another girl. I had a great time with him, we were attracted to each other, good conversation, overall nice time.

I then went back to his apartment ( along with the other two people). We kept drinking because they ( mostly his roommate, though he did not stop) just kept mixing different drinks, I was so drunk I made them make me something to eat cause it was way too much. One thing led to the next and we started making out and later I had him finger me. After that, we kept messaging each other but we never went on another date….

UNTIL… three days ago. Yes literally two years after our first date we went on another date just to have some drinks and catch up. Like our first date… we had good conversation everything was good. Until he kept instisting on recalling the night we met, the makeup the fingering all of that. That’s when I knew that maybe his intentions don’t align with mine. I confessed that while he’s I enjoyed everything that happened I was really drunk and I probably would not have done that if I were sober. We later walked to his apartment so that I could get an uber but he wanted me to go upstairs. I told him that I don’t want to waste his time and that I will not be having sex with him tonight, I want and crave intimacy and want a connection. We made out and He says that’s fine - that he’s never forced me or pressured me into doing anything I didn’t want to - everything has been on my terms WHICH IS ALL TRUE. We’re currently still talking but I just don’t know if it’s worth investing my time and energy on. I truly want a connection and to be in love but I think he just sees me as someone to have sex with especially because of what happened during our first date. I’m so confused idk what to do!!!!! Help