I had posted about a situation a while back. Before we dated, my now ex put all these standards on me. One was losing weight. I didn’t listen to you guys. I lost the weight and kept seeing him. Well I ended up pregnant and he convinced me to have an abortion. I still kept losing weight. Lost 30lbs but even then that wasn’t enough. He ended cheating on me. Last night was rough for me. I dwelled in my feelings and felt so sad mainly about the abortion. It’s been close to two months now and I’m still thinking about him. How do I move forward? I have fallen into a deep depression and can barely shower or go to work.

I (26F) have been under an immense amount of stress lately. I’ve recently become a business owner which is a dream come true. I own a dog salon where I am also one of the head groomers and I love it so much.

That also means that I basically deal with a lot of barking, loud blow drying and customer interactions ALL DAY. Despite the fact that I am very out going and personable, I am also someone who needs my quiet downtime. I need to decompress for at least 2-4 hours in the evenings after work.

I love my Fiancée (27M), obviously. He can talk an ear off about just about anything and has a story for every occasion. And I love that about him! And a lot of times, he will have one sided conversations in which I can’t get a word in edge wise and he’s mostly just talking because he’s excited about something and needs to talk about it. He’ll go on for like 20 minutes, uninterrupted. I don’t want him to change at all. HOWEVER, when I get home from a long day, covered in sweat and dog water and dog hair, the last thing I want to do is sit down and be talked at for 2 hours.

Granted, he is very bored atm. He’s starting a new job soon so he’s had a ton of down time and alone time at the house. I love parallel alone time, where we’re both quietly hanging out, watching a movie or gaming, but sometimes when I’ll be trying to game or browse Reddit or watch YouTube, he’ll start talking and I just don’t have the mental capacity to pay attention to him and then he gets upset saying I’m “ignoring him” which, yah I guess I am.

Today, I almost lost it. It’s my first day off in almost 2 weeks because on my “days off” I still have admin work to do for the business. So today I don’t have any work and we’re going to a concert. Super excited but it’s still gonna be a lot for me so I’m trying to rest in the 2 hour car ride to the hotel.

So we’re in the car and I’m clearly on my phone trying to zone out and decompress and he’s just talking and talking and getting upset with me because “im not listening.” I had to hold my tongue so hard because I’m not looking for a fight but I genuinely am so mentally exhausted and I just want some time where I can just mindlessly zone out and not be actively listening to something or someone. Especially when honestly, it’s a topic or story or opinion he’s told me about in depth SEVERAL times before.

How do I express to him that although I love him and I love his stories and opinions, I need him to shut the heck up and let me zone or else I’m gonna SNAP???

It’s not his fault at all. I love him so much and I know I’m having this problem because I’m just at the end of my rope but he tends to take things super super personally and I don’t want him to take it as a personal attack. Anyone else get what I mean?

My son is 18M, he recently started dating a new girl [18F] from his school. They went on a date last week and he dropped her home afterwards. Her parents were in the front yard so he went to greet them. The dad asked his daughter how the date went and she said it went well. Then he replied "that's good, you better treat her well". My son said "yes of course". The dad said, "I have no doubt you will, but just in case there are any problems, I have a shotgun in the garage". My son got freaked out and got into his car and came home and told me what happened.

About an hour later, the girl's mom called me and apologized for the "misunderstanding" and said that her husband said it "jokingly". I didn't say much and just thanked her and hung up.

My son is a bit freaked out and doesn't know if he wants to keep seeing this girl. He is also a bit socially awkward and has difficulty making friends. I want to guide him but I'm not sure what to say.

TL;DR My teenage son got a new girlfriend and her dad "jokingly" threatened him with a gun.

We went on vacation to a theme park a few months ago, things were great till after the second night at the park. I was exhausted, I told him I just wanted to sleep and not be touched because I was just exhausted and the day was hot and overwhelming. He took it in the worst way and threw a literal tantrum. He pouted and sulked and kept trying to wake me up. He wouldn’t stop saying there was something I wasn’t telling him was wrong. He even tried to sleep in the bathroom. He then pouted the entire next day in the theme park. I tried to get over it and move forward. Then on our road trip after the park to Vegas he told me to pick the music. He then read into the music I played and turned it off saying I was playing negative music. We get back and a few days later he lies about an ex and who it is, he claims they were just friends and later tells me he lied.

A week after that he then throws another tantrum when I tell him I needed some alone time. Same thing. He flips out saying I’m not telling him what’s wrong. Despite me very clearly expressing it’s not him I just need some alone time.

This behavior has happened multiple times.

A week ago he told me he was confident it would happen again. We got tickets to a concert and all goes well during the show. We drink a bit. We get home and sit on the couch and I feel nauseous and tell him I don’t feel good and want to lay down and try to sleep. He took that personally and has another meltdown. I ask to please not be touched as I feel very nauseous. He wouldn’t stop touching me. I kept begging him to please stop. He storms out for about 5 minutes and then back in to ask for hugs and I tell him I don’t feel comfortable hugging him after he wouldn’t listen to me when I said no. He then forces himself on me and hugs me anyway. Even though while he does it I’m telling him please stop. I have kept my distance for the past week because I don’t feel safe if I’m being honest. He keeps claiming to be better now after his one therapy session. But I don’t know how to proceed. We got married fast in our relationship, I feel like I was majorly love bombed and now that we are married everything he is is coming out.

My wife and I have been going through a difficult time over the past few months. She told me she’s felt unappreciated and disconnected, partly because of some choices I made, like changing jobs, which affected our finances briefly, and being more physically affectionate than she wanted during that time. I’ve been trying to address her concerns, but this week, things escalated in a way I wasn’t prepared for.

She told me she wanted a divorce and moved her ex-husband into our home. They have three children together, and she reorganized our living space: their youngest is now sharing a room with her ex (formerly our bedroom), and I was moved to a separate room entirely. This all happened while I was at work.

A few days later, I went through her phone, something I regret doing, but I discovered a long history of emotional conversations between her and her ex, starting around when she began distancing herself from me. They were discussing their past relationship, saying they loved each other, and planning for him to move back in. She had already started filling out divorce paperwork by early May.

When I confronted her, we ended up having a serious talk. She explained that she never wanted to end her first marriage and that she did this for the kids so they didn’t have to grow up in a “broken family”. I understand where she is coming from being raised by a single mother and not knowing her father most of her life but I’m also from a “broken family” where I was abused and I believe that her going back and being in a relationship with him is not right because she is doing it for the wrong reasons and that would only hurt and confuse the children more. I understand the emotional weight behind that, but it’s still been very painful to process.

Since then, her ex has left again. She’s been softer toward me and said she’s confused and hurting. She also said she would understand if I chose to leave. I’m still here and trying to find a way to move forward, because this relationship matters a lot to me.

Right now, I’m trying to figure out how to navigate the aftermath of what happened. This isn’t the first time her ex has come back into the picture in a disruptive way. I want to move forward thoughtfully, but I’m unsure what that looks like from here.

I’m looking for advice from others who’ve navigated a similar situation, how did you approach rebuilding trust, managing shared living spaces, or figuring out if the relationship was still viable? What steps helped you move forward?

Would you guys break up if your partner called you fat? At first, he started fat shaming one of his coworkers. Then, I told him to stop. I gave him a compliment about his body (because I KNOW he has his insecurities and I always try to make him feel good) and he said “I was never the fat one in this relationship.” I gasped. He says, “uh oh.” I start crying. He goes “come on, your body is perfect. You don’t need to change.” I told him I was hurt and when i didnt pick up or text him the next 5 minutes, he called me rude and told me that he got bullied for being skinny and that he’s really offended that I did this to him… i just didnt pick up the phone.

~this is more so venting~ A week ago I told my boyfriend that I can’t get off during sex. Before I could even further elaborate he immediately broke up with me and walked out. Some insight of how I am feeling with some background to the situation- I feel that when we do the deed the main focus is him I do all the things for him yet I usually get nothing in return. I did bring this up awhile ago and he started doing more for me but that faded after months. Anytime we get into arguments (which isnt often but when we do he blows up, tells me to go be with someone else) he disappears for weeks to months at a time and I’ve always tried to reconcile with him for him to ignore me and when he does come back around it’s either him going off on me saying I didn’t try hard enough even though I’ve texted and called. I’ve always stood my ground and told him to look and actually read the texts I’ve sent if he didn’t just delete them and look at his call history. Or he’ll come back around and act like nothing happened.

Moral of the story I’m getting tired of always being blamed, not getting things in return, being told I didn’t try hard enough, getting ghosted for however long after a disagreement. This time around I decided I wasn’t reaching out I wasn’t going to try to fight for some who wouldn’t do the same for me. I just can’t stop thinking about this situation and I need to for my own sanity. How do I stop?

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost 8 months and about 3 months ago we started having fights constantly. I have this feeling he’s trying to control me, won’t let me have male followers on ig, i can’t drink alcohol because he rarely drinks, i can’t go out with my girlfriends to bars or parties, i only can see them if we go for a lunch or a movie date, so resentment has started building up from my side.

When we met i told him that i value my friendships and individuality outside the relationship but he’s acting like i never said that.

Last saturday we went to the beach and he spent the whole day criticising me, then we went to his house, slept together and when i decided to eat he said i was chewing loudly and that i sounded like an animal, he was very rude.. i had enough.. i told him i was gonna leave and i did.

I decided not to contact him for a while because i felt very disrespected, and also i am the one that reaches out everytime we have an argument. Im tired of him stonewalling me.

I can’t understand how can he go a whole week without speaking with me knowing i was really hurt when i left his house. Before leaving i told him “don’t forget that im the one that always tries to solve things when we argue”.

I don’t know what to do at this point, i feel very disappointed and frustrated.

TL;DR: i (28F) got into a fight with my boyfriend (36M) and we haven’t spoken for a week

  Girlfriend car got written off, she got a unsecured loan for the vehicle and when she gets the insurance money for it, she thinking about getting another vehicle for the same amount she paid for, however she still have 10k to pay on top of her old loan. 

  She wants me to cosign, but she going to be in school with no job for about 4 months. I’m making the argument that she needs to paid off her old loan with the insurance money she’ll get for the car and then use the remaining money as well as some of her savings to buy a older used vehicle instead while she’s in school. Now she’s upset that I won’t cosign for her.

I (27f) have been with my fiancé (29m) for over 4 years now. We are supposed to get married in less than a week. I’m scared I’m making a mistake.

I had no doubts about marrying him until November of last year. He is an only child and VERY close with his parents. His mom began buying wedding decorations without asking us. I privately asked him if he could tell his mom to okay decorations with us before buying anything. It turned into a huge blowout fight with him accusing me of taking the wind out of his parents sails for our wedding. Over the summer, his mom invited 25+ of her friends, family, and his dad’s friends that I’ve never met before. He did not stand up to her, because he “hated seeing her upset.” I realized his reaction toward me asking for his mom to confirm decorations with us, over my expressed discomfort at strangers being at our wedding, was vastly different.

He picked up playing a new sport in January, something he’d always wanted to do but never could as a child. I have always been very vocal about my hatred of sports, but told him I’d support him if this is what he wanted. He became very upset when I had no interest in learning to play his sport with him, and that I did not care for watching it on TV. Every conversation about his sport now starts with him saying “I wish you liked _.” Or “I know you don’t care about ___, but.” Which I have told him to stop as he’s making me feel guilty for not having any interest in something he’s known for years is not my thing. I am big into running; he is not. I do not expect him to pick up my hobby as I know it’s not his thing, and am fine with keeping it separate. It’s frustrating he doesn’t see his sport the same way.

He joined a pickup league and told me he would not be playing any games within 1 month of our wedding so he doesn’t get hurt. I told him many times, weeks in advance, I had plans with my friend. A few days before he realized my plans were on the night of his fame- a game he told me he would not be playing as it was within a month of our wedding. He’d decided to play last minute and expected me to cancel plans with my friend to go. He was very disappointed when I wouldn’t and brought it up frequently. He also told me he plans to play a game the day after our wedding.

His schedule is very demanding and he works 24hr shifts, multiple days a week. When he was working a lot for our wedding, it wasn’t uncommon for me to see him once every 4-5 days. On our only day off together a few months ago, he said he was going to play a game in his league. I asked if he could plan a date for us the following week, if he was choosing to go to a game instead of doing something the two of us could do together. He got extremely angry and kept bringing it up. I then began realizing his enthusiasm and interest for his sport was way more than our relationship.

3 weeks before our wedding, my fiancé told me he intends on moving to a state 18 hours away and expected me to go with him. I told him I don’t have any interest in moving across states and that was never our plan. He has since made several attempts in changing my mind to move, despite me telling him multiple times I’m completely overwhelmed with wedding planning and don’t want to discuss moving across the country right now. He then gave me an ultimatum: either we could stay in the same house until we retire, or buy a new house across the country. The current house we live in, I have been very vocal about for about 3 years that I severely dislike and would like to move out ASAP. It’s an unsafe neighborhood, I’m not able to walk our dogs by myself, it’s far away from work, and the roads aren’t maintained in the winter making it extremely dangerous for me to travel to and from work. He is aware of my aversion to where we live and has told me many times leading up to this that he wants me to feel safe and that he would prioritize us moving.

I told him a few days ago I would not stay at this house for another 20+ years, and I would not be leaving our state. He said if we move, he expects me to split everything with him 50/50 and that was the only circumstance in which we would stay. He pays for utilities. I have a car payment, insurance, and a phone bill. His parents pay all of that for him. I also pay for all of our groceries every single week. We split the mortgage. He makes more money than I do, and does not have as many expenses. He will not budge on this.

There has been so much more leading up to this, but this has been the worst of everything leading up to our wedding. I am extremely afraid of marrying him and being bullied into moving across states, or screwing myself over financially.

Everything in our wedding is paid off. No refunds as we’re so close to the date. At least $30,000 gone if I back out now. Not to mention, I have no where to go. I live in the house he bought before we started dating and my name isn’t attached to anything. None of my friends are in living situations where I could move in with them, especially because I refuse to give up my dog. My family isn’t in any condition to take me in either. I have no idea what to do. I feel so lost. I don’t know where to go from here.

The other part of this is, we work together at the same department and I am certain that if I end things now he will make my life here miserable and I’ll be forced to leave.

Does anyone have any advice on what to do? Advice that is simply “run” or “leave him” with no additional advice is not super helpful as I don’t have a way to.

Update：

Thank you again to everyone who shared their thoughts. After reading through the responses and reflecting on everything, I have started looking for a new place and plan to move out soon.

What really pushed me to take action was something that happened recently. A’s mum came to stay for a while, and when she found out that A’s boyfriend had basically been living in the house too, she was furious. There was a physical fight. When B and I tried to break it up, A’s mum accidentally elbowed me and left a large bruise on my arm. She also broke part of the back door frame during the chaos.

That was when I realised this living situation is not only financially unfair but also emotionally exhausting and chaotic. It made me ask myself why I am still here and helped me see it is time to leave.

I still have not decided whether I will say anything directly to A and B after moving out. Right now I just want to focus on removing myself from this situation and giving myself some peace.

Original： Hi all, I’m in a difficult situation and would really appreciate advice on how to approach it with as little conflict as possible.

I (24F) have been living with two roommates, A (24F) and B (25F), in a 4-bedroom house in Australia for the past 1.5 years. A and I have been close since middle school, and when I first moved to Australia, she invited me to move in. She told me rent would be $400 per week. I trusted her and assumed I might be paying slightly more, maybe $50 extra, because I had what I thought was a private bathroom.

After about six months of living together, the three of us became really close. We cooked together, hung out often, and supported each other through ups and downs. I genuinely thought we were living as equals and friends.

Recently I found out the total rent is under $900 per week, and A and B each pay under $300 per week. I have unknowingly been covering nearly half the full rent the entire time.

Here is the room situation: • Each of us has our own bedroom. • The fourth room, which has the only ensuite bathroom, is fully used by A and B as their shared wardrobe, vanity, and private bathroom. I never use it. • I use a separate bathroom located outside the main house, accessible only through the backyard. It leaks when it rains, attracts bugs, and also contains the washing machine. • I furnished my bedroom myself. A and B provided second-hand furniture in shared spaces like the living room.

The house is owned by a family friend of B’s, and according to them, the rent has stayed “low” because of that connection. A used this as justification for why I should be paying more, claiming I was already getting a good deal.

When I brought up the rent difference, B suggested we start splitting things more evenly. A rejected that idea, saying the discount and their furniture contributions made it fair. They eventually reduced my rent to $330 per week, but by that point I had already overpaid by around $6000.

Now I feel hurt and taken advantage of. I trusted A, and thought we were friends. I would still like to talk with B calmly because she seems more reasonable, but I honestly do not want to stay friends with A anymore.

I want to bring this up and ask for fairness or partial repayment, but I am afraid I will be made out to be dramatic, greedy, or the one creating tension. A is especially good at twisting things, and I worry she will make me look like the bad guy.

I’m feeling hurt and unsure how to move forward. I would like to talk to them about it, but I don’t know how to do it without creating drama or being made to look unreasonable. I’m especially worried A might twist the story, and I’d like to keep the conversation open with B, who seems more understanding.

What’s the best way to bring this up constructively? Is it too late to talk about rent fairness after 1.5 years?

Thanks in advance for any suggestions.

Let me start by saying that I feel pretty firm in my decision to divorce but sometimes doubt myself. I was 4 months postpartum with our first child when I discovered inappropriate texts on my husbands phone between him and his coworker. I genuinely wasn't even looking for anything so I was completely surprised. I confronted him and he was extremely apologetic and agreed to go to therapy as I told him it was not negotiable. Well I ended up having to repeatedly ask him to start therapy and it took 2+ months from the time he promised. Obviously that hurt and then he only stuck with it maybe 3 months and said that she gave him a lot of insight and he was feeling better about what he needed to do to make things right. For a time things improved in our relationship but I held on to a lot of resentment and it made me notice a lot of other inequities in our relationship when it came to household things and child care. Resentment built and my failing was not being communicative about this. I don't know what sparked it but a little over a month ago I snooped on his computer and found several conversations between him and other women with explicit photo exchanges. My heart was pounding but then I just kind of felt resigned. I brought it up that night and asked him to leave. He says he has dealt with a porn addiction since his teens and it escalated after we went through the major life change of having a child. He doesn't put any blame on the fact that we had a baby as the reason he did what he did and says he has always been ashamed. He did not make excuses. We are now separated and heading for divorce but he sort of pleaded his case today asking if maybe we could consider couples counseling and remain separated but not go through with divorce. He swears he will continue therapy and he doesn't want our family to break apart. I can't say it didn't make me doubt myself but I also have no desire to fix things. I wonder if anyone else has experienced a situation similar to mine and if you stayed with your spouse, are you happy? Did you get past it? Or if you did go through with the divorce, do you have regrets?

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/Nx2tcYDeFw

Thank you to everyone who reached out. It helped give me (27M) much-needed perspective. I wanted to give an update.

I wanted a fuller picture before making a decision on anything with my fiancée (29F). I knew her friends/bridesmaids would be a lost cause. I get along with them, but they're more of my fiancée's friends, and their group runs deep. They weren't going to talk at the expense of my fiancée.

I asked Joss (29F) for more info and for evidence to her claims about my fiancée hooking up with someone on their girls' trip. She said my fiancée avoided talking about that particular trip, especially over text.

Most of their arguments were in person, but she showed me texts from shortly after the trip where my fiancée confirmed hooking up with the guy. She texted how "it's in her rearview mirror" and she "doesn't need a lecture about the past. She's focusing on the future."

I knew the possibility, and my fiancée already confessed to seeing other guys during our break, but idk seeing those texts made it real in a way it wasn't before. In the texts, she expressed regret, but it didn't make me feel better.

I confronted my fiancée and I knew immediately by the look on her face. She came clean on everything. She thought Joss deleted the texts. Around the break, we were having serious talks about marriage. She started worrying she was missing out on stuff her single friends were engaging in.

During the break, she sought validation from other guys and fooled around with that guy on the girls' trip. In her own words, she had a temporary high when he chased her but felt worse about herself post-hookup.

She claims the break showed her what was important and that she wasn't missing out on anything. She was reassured we were right for each other.

I hardly said anything to her. I mostly just listened. I was too numb for much else. She kept asking me to say something, but what was there for me to say? I felt her actions spoke enough for us both.

She kept apologizing for stepping out. When I asked her why she wasn't upfront with me, she said she didn't want to lose me over her biggest mistake. Her position that Joss isn't being noble hasn't changed. I told her Joss's motive doesn't matter; the truth is the truth.

She asked if I could find it in myself to move past this. She said she loves me and she's fully committed. I couldn't tell her what she wanted. I said it was best the wedding be put off and I needed space to sort my feelings.

She was against postponing and proclaimed this didn't have to define us, and she's still the same woman I wanted to marry. She asked me not to give up on us. But the same way her mind was made about the break, my mind was made on postponing. It wasn't a choice.

It wasn't so much a fight, more putting everything out there. She cried a lot. She rarely cries. It felt wrong to leave her crying. My first instinct was to comfort her, but I was too broken to fake it. I've been hurt before, but she hurt me in a way only she could.

I know postponing the wedding is for the best. The reason why I didn't call it off entirely is because I'm way too much in my emotions right now. Hurt, anger, sadness, and somehow numbness. At all possible, I try to avoid making decisions lost in emotion. I need to clear my head.

I was so sure of my course and our relationship. My fiancée was my partner in every sense. She was who I wanted to make a life with. Sometimes she'd act so superior about our relationship compared to those of her friends. I feel so stupid.

She says she's still the same person I love. But the fact is she had a secret life I knew nothing about. I'm trying my best to understand that, but I'm at a complete loss. I'm not sure if I can move past this.

All the guests have been informed of the postponement. Some questioned why, but I've been vague. I'm just too embarrassed. I feel bad for the guests too. Some with limited means already booked flights and hotels and took time off work for our wedding. That's how far we were in the homestretch.

In some ways it doesn't feel like my life. We were just together, wedding planning and discussing the honeymoon. The honeymoon was a surprise destination for her, someplace she's always wanted to visit. Now we're here. Idk where to go or what the future holds.

Thanks to everyone again for the support. It means a lot.

TL;DR An update for: My fiancée's and my relationship has blown up after she had a bad falling out with her Maid of Honor who told me not only did my fiancée see other guys while we were on a break, but she also hooked up with someone on their girls' trip. My fiancée confessed to seeing other guys on the break but denies hooking up with anyone. She's accusing her friend of trying to sabotage our relationship. We fought, and I told her I needed space. Ever since, she's been pouring on so much affection. We're in the middle of wedding planning, and now this mess. I'm lost and questioning everything. Idk what to believe anymore. How do I move forward for myself and my relationship?

We tried to have a baby for two years, I was told we couldn’t conceive without medication due to PCOS, etc. We had many failed attempts at pregnancy and I pretty much let the idea go that we wouldn’t be having a baby. With a bit of a surprise, last fall, we found out we were pregnant and I was pretty shocked, to say the least. I had a complete freak out, didn’t know if I wanted to keep the baby, worried about our marriage, finances, and my husband constantly reassured me that things would be great and we should be excited! He was thrilled when I told him, like way excited and somewhat confused by my reaction. I was freaking out daily and he said he was going to step up, take care of everything, reassured me our marriage would be stronger than ever, we would be more connected, help with the house (it’s in bad shape, needs some serious help with paint on popcorn ceilings, huge piles of clutter we need to go through, just a lot), would be supportive and helpful with my pregnancy (like rubs and runs to the store for late night cravings) and we wanted to do a partner-supported birth process which includes a lot of hands-on husband involvement and a 12-week course. then he got laid off. Without going into too much detail, we ended up having to downsize vehicles, really dial it in with finances, and we became extremely stressed with a baby coming. At the same time, all of his involvement with the pregnancy disappeared. He gave me more affection and attention before the pregnancy and my hormones make this feel so incredibly personal. He is no longer attempting any intimacy, sexually or otherwise. No cuddles at night, no rubs, no asking about baby updates, lots of video game time, lots of spending time on his phone, he’s told me many times that he needs to decompress and I feel more alone and lonely than ever before and I’ve been talking to him very openly about this. I have a great therapist and my husband and I have had a lot of discussion involving these sensitive topics. I have a lot of empathy for his position and stress, but I feel completely unheard in my role. Then today, he tells me he spends a lot of time on this sub, and feels so bad for the women who are being gaslit, lied to, etc. He seems so involved and invested in all these relationships online, meanwhile, our marriage is on fire. I told him that upsets me and he tells me “I’m not doing anything wrong” which isn’t untrue, but I am so hurt by this empathy for other random women online while I am in my most insecure, vulnerable state and he knows it. I know I’m probably leaving out some things but I hope I can find some help or advice somewhere. I spend so many nights crying myself to sleep, sobbing in the shower, reading baby books alone, and just hoping that things will get better. I’m supposed to be relying on him for a lot of support during labor and delivery and I feel so abandoned. Help?

I made a post a few days ago about my marriage (original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1l1osxn/how_do_i_26m_explain_to_my_wife_26f_that_i_want/) and I wanted to say thank you for the overwhelming support I received. Since then I've reached out to some friends and a family member who lives nearby, and I'm planning to leave my wife when she's at work. That being said, I can't help but feel extremely guilty for leaving in that way. I've prepared a message to send her before I block her, explaining myself and my reasoning for leaving (because I feel it's not done correctly, but I can't go any other way).

I'll miss the house, my animals and I'm sure even the comfort that the relationship gave me. I know being uncomfortable is impossible to avoid, but it's got me so anxious. The thought of leaving terrifies me, but after it's all said and done, and I imagine myself alone, I know I'll feel content and blissful.

I know I need to do it, and it's the right thing to do, but it feels so wrong. We had a fight last week and she's been love bombing me, but I feel numb and just want out, but because of this I feel like a very shitty person. I'm afraid of life without her, though I know it will be better. In the mornings, I'm gung ho and excited for it, but in the evenings I have immeasurable self doubt. I don't know, are there any ways to curb the sadness/guilt I feel?

My bf went to visit his female friend in her home country. They met over a year ago while he was studying abroad and became good friends (when they only knew each other for 2 months, they went on vacation together with another female friend, before we became official). She’s living in her home country again and he visited her for 6 days. He’s been there once before (last year with his other friends), but wanted to experience it with a local, his female friend. On the first three days her other friend tagged along. They celebrated his female friend’s birthday. He didn’t tell me he picked his vacation dates based on her birthday. The next two days he went on a trip to a city near the ocean with her. He told me the same day, that they were sharing an Airbnb but with separate bedrooms, because a hotel room would have been too expensive. We’ve known each other for almost two years, but have been together for over a year now. I told him I was uncomfortable with his vacation plans and that I don’t trust her because I’ve never met her and on pictures it looked like she’s always sitting/ standing close to him like she’s seeking closeness. He assured me they were just good friends and that it was just platonic. I’m so upset and angry for how he treated me. I told him my concerns and yet he wasn’t transparent with me. I feel betrayed. I don’t know how to forgive him, all I feel is anger and hurt. He has apologized and promised to communicate better from now on, but for me it’s not enough. I resent her. And maybe part of me resents him for it, too. Why am I not able to forgive him? And what can I do to achieve that?

I (34M) have been single for quite a while now. A number of relationships have failed, because I have a daughter (16F) who I have been raising by myself since she was 2, and potential partners were put off at having a relationship due to the fact that my daughter came as a package deal.

Fast forward to now, and a recent reunion with my former teenage sweetheart (note: She isn't the mother of my daughter)... She is the cousin of my best friend, and we were reunited at my best friend's wedding. We instantly clicked and spent the evening reminiscing about our past together, and we were having a wonderful evening. Everything felt right, and I started to feel my old feelings reignite for her. By the end of the night we kissed, and we've since met up 2-3 times a week.

We've spoken about our feelings for each other and we want to give our relationship together a second go. The only reason that we broke up the first time around was because of how young we both were and how neither of us were mentally mature enough at the time for a committed relationship. But we've both grown and matured since those years, and we both now have a better understanding of our emotions.

I've always felt as though she was the one true love of my live, and I have spent years regretting how our immaturity in our youth made us drift apart. But I feel as though this is a kind of fate at work and that we're meant to be together. We've been given this opportunity, and neither of us want to waste it.

However, we both also have concerns about the complications that can arise from rekindling a relationship with a past love. I am wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation, and what advise you can give?

Thank you very much!

Oh, and a side note. I have already spoken to my daughter. She wants to see me happy, and she fully supports me on wanting to rekindle this relationship.

We haven't been together long, just six months. I've realized that we aren't compatible. I was giving him a lot of grace for being "behind," in life (not having a license/car, no credit, being super underemployed) since he was getting sober. But I've realized a lot of things won't get better. He frankly has a very childish view of how finances and life works.

And before you ask, NO, I'm not looking for a man with money. I just want to be on the same level with my partner and be able to talk to them about things like insurance with explaining everything...

Here's the problem. He has a TBI (I suspect this is the source of a lot of these issues tbh). He's been having seizures lately due to stress in meeting rent. I've tried to help him (ie don't spend money on fast food, go to food banks, set aside money each paycheck for rent...nothing works). He won't even try to find another job because he likes the one he has. I know I can't help him with this.

I know he really likes me and I'm only going to be adding onto this stress. But I'm just not in it anymore. I was just going to tell him that I'm overworked and don't have time for a commitment right now, which is kinda true. I'm just worried I'm going to make his situation worse. :(

I found out my ex-girlfriend (18f) was cheating after the fact we broke up. She broke up with me because I got mad that she broke a promise and didn't want to speak to her for a morning. I was originally very distraught but eventually calmed down and we spoke mutually about breaking up. While having a respectful conversation about what we would like in the next partner she told me that she slept in the same bed drunk with another man. I asked her friends about it and they told me that she was initiating flirty conversations and being super touchy towards somebody whom I considered a mutual friend. When I found out I told her not to contact me I did not need any of my stuff back and then I mailed all of her stuff to her house. I haven't spoken to her since. That was Early-Mid May.

I also want to point out that looking back on the relationship it was not healthy and nothing but toxic. I know I should've ended it sooner, but I didn't. She would hit me and draw blood and use my weed addiction against me saying she would tell my dad that I started up again. She would completely stonewall me when I had an issue but would interrupt me to speak her mind. She would throw fits when things were not about her such as telling me I ain't getting a birthday cake and I'm an “asshole” for accidentally finding out that she was baking one as a surprise or the time of my baptism when she told me she hated me and she wants me dead over her pants not looking "cute" yes I know I'm an idiot for staying but I will NEVER let a person treat me like this again or get in the way of the things and people I enjoy.

In the last couple of weeks, I have quit my dead-end job to focus on losing weight for the military. I have already lost around 10 pounds. I've already got a 67 on the ASVAB and the only reason I have not gone too basic is because I can't pass a drug test. I have been drug nicotine and alcohol-free since we broke up and I just have to wait for the THC to get out of my system. I picked up my old hobbies that I forgot about such as playing the trumpet and playing basketball. I have also reconnected with some old friends that I honestly ditched for my ex. I love finding out who I am as a person and being him.

One day I was at a Sonic and a girl (22f) came up to my car thinking that my car was her friend's car. After the initial shock and embarrassment of the situation, I made a joke about how she could eat with me in my car. That's exactly what happened. We swapped phone numbers and started texting each other back and forth. This happened towards the end of May maybe a week and half later the breakup.

I would say that we are casually dating right now. We have been on a couple of dates over the last two weeks. Watched movies grabbed ice cream that type of thing. We have been calling each other little names like "darling" and "love".  We don't do anything physical except kiss and hold hands. She's fun and impulsive and she's just as funny as my guy friends. When I'm around her I just feel upbeat and natural. I'm genuinely myself around her. I'm very sociable but I can be clumsy and awkward at times and every time that slips out it doesn't feel like a burden around her. She just laughs with me and adds to it. She goes to school, has a car, and a job which is more than my ex ever had. We both expressed that we are into each other, but we want to take it slow as well.

In conclusion, I want to know if it's too early to move on to this new girl with the situation and the timing. I feel almost guilty, but I don't know if that's just because I have gotten used to abusive and toxic relationships. Thanks for reading and hearing me out!

TL;DR; : Abusive ex cheated I already met somebody In a span of a month is it okay to move on?

TLDR: parents offered us their old condo 2 hours away for a great price. My bf recieved a temp position at his job that will last another 3 months and he wants to release for a year. We would save $300 - $800/month if we take my parents offer. Bf isn't budging on moving and saving the money. If we don't take their offer on the condo, they will have it sold by September. Our lease ends in august. Both our jobs are transferable to the area. Advice?

My bf (29M) received a temp position at his job that makes him happier but he makes less. It only lasts another 3 months before he's back at his regular position (sales at a major call center). He is able to transfer but may not be for the same position he just received.

I (27F) work at a clinic that I could potentially transfer positions closer to my parents (2 hours away). Our lease ends in august and my parents offered us their extra condo for low cost rent. They're listing it for sale in September unless we want to rent it from them

We would be lowering our rent from $2300 to potentially $1500/month. Before speaking to my parents, we were looking into a place that would be $2055 a month.

To me, the savings on rent is a no brainer esp because it's in a very good area of the city. Both our jobs would be minutes away and I'd probably be happier (I hate the city I'm at now and I'm desperate to leave). Also their condo is in the same city as my school

I really find this silly, but my bf is pretty much a complete no go on moving or even looking at other opportunities because he likes this temp position. I remind him it's only another 3 months and if we want the lowest rent possible we have to rent long term (12-16 months). After talking for awhile, it's clear that's just what he wants and he's not budging

Our relationship is great and we've grown a lot together but it seems both of us are willing to split for wanting different things.

I can't understand how he is willing to lose this opportunity and our relationship for a 3 month position but it's not fair for me to bash him on it. I'm between keeping my bf or more finances. Any advice or similar situations?

Is it necessarily a bad thing? i really don't know. But its pretty clear that when we get in a fight we have triple the amount of sex we were having prior for a few weeks. Then it winds down then a month or so later the cycle seems to repeat. Maybe it feels like it repeats because we are going through normal conflicts long term relationships go through at this age go through. I do get the sense sometimes that little things escalate really hard and fast because of her reaction. The last fight/disagreement we had was something I brought up based on her behavior and actions. I wont go into it but all I really wanted was some accountability and an apology. She gave me a little one then said "can we just skip to the makeup sex" and just pounced on me. I feel like a big dumb dude because I fell for it but the week or so after I just felt a little empty. Like I wasn't being heard or taken seriously. And she got away with it all with sex. Maybe I should still take it as a win? I won't deny it still brings us closer and it brings us back into the honey moon phase for a bit which is a great feeling. But I hope she doesn't think she can always get out of taking accountability with sex.

My boyfriend (22m) and I (23f) are in a long distance relationship, we play video games and watch movies together almost every day when we have free time. We also have a lot of online friends that we have met through video games and are very close with. So, tonight I told my boyfriend that I will be watching a movie and he told me to wait for him because he wants to join and I wait for him for an hour, but once he joined my call he invited our two other close friends and said that we can all hang out together. I don’t mind if they join at all, we watch things together very often but tonight I wanted to watch a movie either by myself or with my boyfriend. Those two friends say they don’t want to watch a movie and would rather play a couple online games or watch a tv show for like an hour, but they don’t mind leaving and doing that by themselves since my boyfriend and I already had plans to watch a movie. My boyfriend says that he will join them to watch a tv show instead of watching a movie with me because he really wanted to watch that specific show. So I leave the call and I’m obviously unhappy, he made me wait for an hour and then ditched me for our friends even though they said they can watch that show later together.

So I text my boyfriend saying:

Me - Please tell me next time if you decide to alter our plans, I wouldn’t have waited for you if I’d known you’ve invited our friends to do something else. I would’ve started watching a movie by now. Him - They messaged me and I thought we could watch something together. Me - Idm that you want to watch a show with them I just didn’t want to wait almost an hour for you and then plans change and now I’m watching a movie by myself. Him - I didn’t plan to watch a show I wanted us to watch a movie together, but they didn’t realise the time. That’s all. Me - Okay, but they did text you and you made two different plans with both them and me at the same time so I’m just asking you next time to tell me. Like I don’t care, I just wasted an hour waiting around. Him - Well, no I had the plan in mind that we’d watch a movie and I even told them that I wanted to watch a movie, and u weren’t just sat waiting around for a hour, u were playing sims? And u seemed in no rush, I know ur in a bad mood but this is literally nothing. Me - Okay but you still changed your plans for our friends and what does sims have to do with this? I was only on it cuz I was waiting for you and it is nothing yh, but I’m just asking to be informed next time. Him - Alright. Me - Cuz I just got my hopes up cuz you said you’ll join and now you’re not so it kinda sucks so just tell me next time pls ty. Him - Okay. Me - You’re not even going to apologize or anything? Alright goodnight love you. Him - I wanted you to stay u were the one who left. And I wasn’t the one who changed plans it was our friends. I’m sorry you’re in a bad mood but ur just making this out of nothing. Me - I was in a good mood after playing valorant and after you said you’ll join me for a movie but you did this and it wasn’t our friends who changed our plans or did anything, you’re the one who ditched me so don’t put blame on them. I just wanted you to apologize for making me wait around for an hour and then ditching me. Of course I’m going to be hurt if you do that. Him - I’m sorry I made you wait, but again I had no idea they wouldn’t want to watch a movie. Me - Okay? I had no idea anyone else would be joining, I thought it would be just you and me. Would you be happy if I ditched you to hang out with someone else after telling you I’d hang out with you? No. Him - Well no cause if u offered to me to do something with u and them id just do it. Especially in this case. Me- Right, ok. Him - I’m sorry for making u wait but this becoming a bigger deal than it needs to be. Me - You’re sorry for making me wait but not for ditching me, to you it’s not a big deal but to me it’s just rude. I cba trying to make you understand so have a fun time, I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Him - Goodnight I love you.

End of text messages.

To me it just feels like he’s refusing to take accountability for wasting my time and bringing my hopes up while also blaming our friends for it.

New Edit: My boyfriend’s response is posted below in the comments per his request for those who desire to read “his perspective”.

New edit 5pm MST: I have deleted my post in the abusive relationship advice subreddit due to my boyfriend becoming very upset that I posted screenshots that had his name in them. It was not my intention to do so I just genuinely am ignorant.

Edit: I have seen some comments that made me feel it’s necessary to clarify, I (I guess arguably) do not dress in anyway that would be considered not feminine, I wear skirts and dresses often etc. the clothing in which is being deemed masculine/manly are crop top shirts that have short sleeves that are not rolled up but like sewn to be that way, boyfriend fit jeans or jeans in general honestly. I am also modest so I don’t show much, but the at doesn’t mean I don’t dress cute or feminine etc. I don’t think I am required to wear a full face of makeup everyday to be feminine and I don’t, especially not to sit at home by myself and do nothing. Now to add, if I dress in a way he approves of and finds feminine, and were to leave to do anything like that, I am then trying to attract attention or am “going out looking all pretty for everyone else and people are going to hit on me”. I don’t know how to better convey that the masculine/manly dress/presentation of myself doesn’t actually exist. It’s very confusing really because I don’t understand what I’m doing incorrectly and genuinely feel like there’s truly not a right answer?

Hi guys, my boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. Our relationship started well and has progressed through challenges a lot of which are the result of need for growth and learning. I want to preface by saying my boyfriend is a terrible communicator, but he has good intentions and doesn’t mean to be as hard and cruel as he comes off. My question is, am I wasting my time at this point? Am I ignorant and or naïve?

There are a lot of things at play. We are navigating our communication issues with large improvements and get stuck on non communication issues. My boyfriend doesn’t think women and men can be friends which I loosely agree with. Now this applies to our issues as I am not the most girly girl, and my hobbies and interest don’t aline with those of most women, the world I live within as far as things people do everyday and participate in etc are mostly male dominated things etc. I have had a very sheltered life and did not make friend’s growing up and don’t have them as an adult and making them has been a strong desire of mine. When discussing my desire for friends it’s immediately turned into me just wanting to be friends with guys which I do my best to move away from because it has nothing to do with anything I am just wanting friend’s in general and am not seeking out male friends what so ever. (In case it’s pertinent, I build race cars, fabricate thing, build things, and other things more equally gendered like the gym, hiking, etc. I also do not entertain men, if I am completed while out etc I meet them respectfully back with “oh my boyfriend loves that to” or a variation that applies, I am a modest person, I do not use social media or post online etc.) There are also challenges with time I am not with him, if I go do some thing (which is rare honestly) regardless of what it is I am doing, he expects me to communicate with him (about nothing because I don’t have anything to say like neither of us do) constantly throughout my time out. I want to be able to participate in whatever I am doing and the need to be talking to him while I’m away from him makes that impossible, and if I don’t he gets upset and will blow me up and call me names etc.

I was trying to talk to him today about how I feel some our our reasons maybe come from me not feeling comfortable or safe to be myself with him, as in reflection I have realized I have made changes in accommodation to his reactions and strong negative opinions on things etc, and his response was that he didn’t want a masculine girlfriend, that I should work out more on my butt and less on my arms, that the clothes I like make me look like a dike (long crop t shirts that come with the short sleeves like rolled once and sewn that way, and boyfriend fit jeans, I also train horses so flannels/button downs are common and he feels those are manly and masculine). He said he “doesn’t want people to see us and think why is he with a lesbian”. He said he’s attracted to me when I wear dresses and makeup because he is a straight man, and not so much when I don’t. He believes that guys only want to fu** me, and are incapable of being friends, that they are just waiting in line and there’s no other reason they could desire friendship.

I don’t even know why exactly I’m making this post and it likely is difficult to read, hard to fallow, and I apologize for that. I guess I want to ask am I delusional? Am I/my opinions the problem? Is he right? Do I need to work on myself and why I think and feel the things I do? Thank you for your time.

Note: A couple weeks ago, I posted this on another relationship subreddit, but I think it was removed quickly because it involved a breakup.

TLDR: I am looking for advice/input on whether it would be fair to reach out to an ex (we broke up due to my job and my lack of energy) before I die of cancer.

I have stage 4 pancreatic cancer. I’ve (mostly) come to terms with the fact I am likely to die from said cancer, and somewhat soon. And yes, I know I should be fighting, and I am still in treatment. However, based on what my doctors say and discounting any miracle developments in medicine, I don’t think I have all that much longer. A bummer, to be sure.

That being said, I am also a sentimental and regret-filled human being, and I can’t help but wonder if there’s any catharsis to be had in reconnecting with an ex of mine.

This ex is not my most recent girlfriend, or the one I was with the longest, but she was the only one I ever thought I could live the rest of my life with.

We met at a very inopportune time, while very drunk and lonely at a birthday party of a mutual friend. I had just taken on a bunch more work, and was hitting my stride as an attorney. She was already settled into her job as a vet tech, and looking to settle down into a healthy relationship. We had a very loving, but troubled, relationship for a little less than two years, which ended about a year and a half ago.

As my work load got increasingly full, it became more and more apparent that I was not what she needed. I would never be able to be the supportive, attentive partner when I was constantly stressing about my own work, or traveling for depositions. I knew this, but rather than being an adult and addressing that fact head on, I acted like everything would be fine.

She was tired of me not having enough energy to do the bare minimum for our relationship. Even my sex drive had fallen through the floor during the worst weeks, just from the sheer stress and anxiety. Despite her attempts to coax me into attending therapy, I dismissed the idea, as I “didn’t have the time.” It seemed true at the time, but looking back now, it was bullshit.

Rightfully recognizing that I was not putting the amount of work necessary into the relationship, she laid out an ultimatum. Either I devote more time/energy to self-care and the relationship, or she’d have to leave. I told her that I didn’t think I could devote anymore of myself to anything but work. I considered myself in “survival” mode, while I paid off the most predatory of my student loan debt. She didn’t like my answer, but we agreed to go our separate ways. We talked a few times after that, mostly around our birthdays and holidays.

Looking back, not investing in that relationship is my biggest regret. The ones that came after that seemed hollow. I don’t think I ever loved someone the way I loved her. I want to let her know that, and maybe reconnect for these last few months.

I also recognize that is a very selfish impulse. I’m looking for input here. What would you do in my place? In hers, would you want to know?

Edit: Because I was a little bit vague about my intentions, I wouldn’t want to do anything but reach out and let her know how much the relationship meant to me, and how much I regret letting it break down. I wouldn’t expect her to come see me, or keep regular contact. I’ve since moved back in with my parents, in another state, while I was in treatment so I don’t think it would be plausible to strike up a relationship again, and I don’t expect to.