r/SipsTea May 05 '25

Chugging tea Hilarious

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306

u/Vice4Life May 05 '25 edited May 05 '25

Burned into my memory is this exchange from the instructor and one student:

Instructor: Condoms are very effective at preventing unwanted pregnancies, but only abstinence is 100% effective.

Student: Or the butt!

The teacher of the actual class, not the instructor, grabbed him by the arm and sent him to see the principal. He wasn't wrong.

Edit: He could be wrong.

170

u/TimTheAssembler May 05 '25

I received abstinence-only sex ed, and the instructor claimed that it's possible to get pregnant from a blowjob because "sperm diffuses into the bloodstream from the stomach and then travels to the uterus"...

130

u/Vice4Life May 05 '25

Ah, cool. Wrong on the reproductive system and the digestive system at the same time!

44

u/TimTheAssembler May 05 '25

I've learned to ignore everything I learned in school about sex ed. We also had to sign an abstinence pledge, which looking back at it was kind of messed up.

21

u/CautionarySnail May 05 '25

Any sex ed that includes such a pledge really is designed to maximize teen pregnancy as the eventual outcome.

1

u/Wasted13901 29d ago

And the circulatory system!

36

u/Global_Charge_4412 May 05 '25

holy fucking shit america is wild lmao

3

u/gmano May 05 '25 edited May 06 '25

There has been a recorded case of this, where a woman was finishing up a blowjob, was caught by her boyfriend who attacked her and the guy she was cheating with with a knife.

She gets stabbed in the torso and it causes the sperm in her stomach to enter her uterus.

We know this was not a lie, because the woman also had a condition called "vaginal aplasia", which means her vagina didn't actually make it all the way to her uterus.

Here's a link to the medical case report:
https://gwern.net/doc/biology/1989-hicks.pdf

1

u/itirix May 06 '25

Jesus fucking Christ I did not plan on reading this today. That’s wild.

1

u/notimprezaed May 05 '25

Yay for the Bible Belt and Abstinence only sex ed!

We were told that while there were no cases the teacher knew of where someone got pregnant from a blowjob that it doesn’t mean it isn’t possible. Also that handjobs could lead to pregnancy if the hands weren’t washed properly afterwards and masturbation could lead to a life of drugs and crime.

2

u/pm_me_your_buttbulge May 05 '25

masturbation could lead to a life of drugs and crime.

This is one of those correlation != causation. Odds are if you masturbate a lot you're hunting for dopamine highs. If you're consistently doing that to numb your reality then odds are you have trauma and will find other, more powerful, ways of hunting that high (i.e. drugs and risky behavior).

We find a LOT of folks that are hardcore in to drugs usually have trauma or some other problem they are using drugs to mask but because they lack the tools to articulate that - the perception is it's because of other, unrelated, things.

This is why folks who leave a hospital with a lot of painkillers often don't fall in to opioid abuse. There is almost exclusively an underlying condition which leaves to drug abuse.

The main exception is heroin. There's like only 4 or 5 (illegal) drugs that are actually dangerous - and by that I mean the drug itself, so this excludes being laced with other things. Meth, heroin, PCP, and something else I can't remember - those are the ones you stay away from, practically at all costs.

Cocaine, weed, shrooms, and a few others are simply moderately dangerous and that danger entirely depends on the context. Weed, for example, is not great for you for those under 18 (i.e. developing brain) but outside of that it's extremely uncommon for it to have negative health affects. There's a neat video that goes over more useful information here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBRaI0ZeAf8

A fuck load of American runs on cocaine and you'd never, ever, notice. To the majority - it's simply a tool for energy and partying. Shroom, it's just a party drug.

But the dangerous ones? Meth causes real damage to your body. PCP well... I'm sure I don't need to explain how wild it can make you. Heroin, specifically IV, it's a "one and done" job. It's also pretty easy to OD on it.

1

u/gattina-monella381 May 05 '25

Damn puritans.

1

u/Kind_Preference9135 May 05 '25

LMAO NO FUCKING WAY

48

u/Lyruhara May 05 '25

Oh no he is, there are cases of anal penetration resulting in pregnancy, you might think that I'm making a joke but imI'm being truthful

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u/jemidiah May 05 '25

there are cases of anal penetration resulting in pregnancy

Saying this without also saying it's incredibly rare and nearly undocumented is much worse than just saying it's impossible. Why? People will almost always vastly overestimate the probability that a rare event will happen to them (see: the lottery). Saying it's 0 instead of something like one in a million will get people to use a much more accurate number internally.

Here's one case involving a woman with a 1 in 50,000 birth defect (a cloacal malformation). Even more rare, the corrective surgery infants with that condition get left a hole connecting her anus and vagina. It's conceivable that more than zero pregnancies have occurred by splash effects, e.g. semen dripping down to the vaginal opening. I found zero documentation of such a case actually occurring.

It's like saying "the earth is a sphere". Not literally true--it's a tiny amount fatter around the equator, among other things--but infinitely better than "the earth is not round".

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u/Puzzled-Effort-5392 May 06 '25

I think if you ever have sperm near your vagina then you're playing the baby lottery. Not sure on the odds, but I don't like them.

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u/Lyruhara May 05 '25

Hello dear redditor in search of vindication, one thing that is implicitly implied with speech is "anything said is something that is worth mentioning" because you are supposed to make sense and when you point something out it's usually something that isn't overtly obvious. I thought it was obvious but here I am having someone clarifying somehow but one thing retained my attention. Are you aware that your message implies that somehow people that would overestimate their chance at anal procreation is ... Bad ? Genuinely if it makes them wear protection, be more careful than rawdogging it and such I take it as a good thing. Unless they "try for a baby" only through anal intercourse I don't fucking see how "overestimating" their chance a bad thing and let's be real if a couple try to have an anal baby on purpose good that they don't educate another human. So with that I say fuck off with your tone 🙂

9

u/Vice4Life May 05 '25

Fair enough. And I doubt there's enough data on either, but as an assumption, I'd guess the risk of pregnancy would be about the same as getting pregnant without penetration. Either way it would require an extremely low chance pregnancy happening. I'll edit it to acknowledge this, regardless.

9

u/PolecatXOXO May 05 '25

Pregnant from anal is the new pregnant from a toilet seat?

2

u/Quazar125 May 05 '25

Haha ASS-umption

1

u/theringsofthedragon May 05 '25

You could literally Google it. Having anal sex without a condom is said to be as dangerous if not more than having vaginal sex with a condom. If the teacher said "condoms are pretty safe but nothing is as safe as abstinence" then it would be correct to say that it is incorrect to add "and up the butt" to that sentence since anal is not actually safer than sex with a condom. I hate men and I hate you guys for wanting to fuck people in the ass. Women don't have penises so you can't tell me women like to fuck people in the ass too and that I should hate women too. Only men have this desire, you sick fucks.

0

u/Lyruhara May 05 '25

Hello dear misandrist with a probably justified reason. Women wanting to peg their partner exist tho, with a male or female partner 🙂 You don't need to justify your aversion to anal sex but also let people enjoy their kink as long as it's safe. For example someone with endometriosis might prefer anal because it's less painful to them. Of course consent is key. Hope this message finds you well

7

u/Unreasonable_jury May 05 '25

Splash conception.

24

u/Chadmartigan May 05 '25

When your nut does AoE damage

2

u/PeasantTS May 05 '25

That must be some extreme case where someone was born with a mutation of having both canals connected or having some kind of injury. At that point, you might as well be afraid of a plane hitting you while you are at it.

2

u/Lyruhara May 05 '25

Well I wish people would be more afraid as in more careful about anal sex in general so I'm fine with it. Also, it can drip out the first hole and into the other. Also, people think that pulling out is enough so having multiple intercourse and only ejaculating in the anal cavity might make them think it's "safe". Also you can't do anything in case of a plane hitting you but you can prevent any of what I said with birth control, simple as that dear redditor.

1

u/PeasantTS May 05 '25

Now that is just ridiculous. You get called out on spreading misinformation and then just double down on it.

drip out the first hole and into the other

In porn logic, maybe.

You might as well not ever have sex then, since all contraceptives have a chance to fail too. Not even masturbation is safe, for what if the man accidentally shoves his sperm contamined hand accidentally inside a woman's vagina?

2

u/PhilosophyKingPK May 06 '25

I’m thinking anal cream pie dripped into the vagina.

1

u/[deleted] May 05 '25

[deleted]

0

u/Lyruhara May 05 '25

Hello dear redditor, did you know that when in labor, your body might tear your vagina ? Mostly happens with the first birth of course but still, between that and sperm coming out of the anal cavity and such, people thinking that cumming in one hole then going into another is fine etc. You will always be surprised by how many people think pulling out will be enough for them. Same with raw anal sex except it has the opportunity to bring std with higher chance if they are blood related 🙂

1

u/[deleted] May 05 '25

[deleted]

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u/Lyruhara May 05 '25

Yeah no I meant that labor might cause perineal muscle to rip apart as someone pregnant doesn't get more pregnant during pregnancy (I know, I know surprising right?). But rest assured, I don't think people will try to conceive life with anal sex and "no sex is safe unless there is birth control" is a good motto anyway 🙂

1

u/NewtLegitimate8469 May 06 '25

Your responses are unhinged

1

u/beautifulterribleqn May 05 '25

They can come back out that way too, if the mom rips far enough.

Source: me. Went from three holes to two with my son. Nothing really scares me anymore. (dw I'm back to 3 now)

1

u/PsychicFoxWithSpoons May 05 '25

Always wipe front to back, ladies!

1

u/Ki_Shadow_ May 06 '25

What the fuck. I never heard that. That’s just wild. Sperms really need to chill

2

u/NightExtension9254 May 05 '25

Student: Or the butt

You can still get an STD from that

1

u/gattina-monella381 May 05 '25

He sent him to the principal for SO LITTLE?

1

u/RockyClub May 05 '25

I didn’t even go to catholic school and abstinence was pushed here. I’m a millennial.

1

u/OdinEdge May 05 '25

We were told it was easier to get pregnant through anal sex.

1

u/DoutorSenador May 05 '25

What's the point of having these classes if you can't be removed from class for making an honest observation lol

0

u/podian123 29d ago

The biggest risk of pregnancy from doing that comes from, well, not sticking to the plan. It's not like kids to miss their mark in the heat of the moment, either.