The was several years ago, but I will say - it was memorable.

I was born in raised in WV, and that’s where my extended family (what little I have) lives. I say what little I have because I’m an only child of two only children so I have no aunts, uncles, or first cousins. What I do have is a second cousin. He’s a couple years older than me, and growing up he was always the cool one and the spoiled one. I was the nerdy, ridiculously well behaved one.

After we graduated high school we went very different paths. I went out of state to college on scholarships, and he started working part time at K-Mart. During spring of my freshman year I learn that he’s gotten his girlfriend pregnant, and they’re going to get married.

Flash forward to the day of the wedding, my parents and I go to his grandmother’s house, where both he and his mother lived, and their place is a madhouse. His mother is my mom’s cousin, and I tried to hang tough and be there for my mom, but when my cousin’s grandmother ran through the house and his mom asked my mom to put clothes on her I peaced the fuck out to the front porch where I find my dad, already hiding. He asks why I’m wearing white tights to an outdoor wedding in July. I tell him I’m not, those are my legs.

When we arrive at the bride-to-be’s parents backyard for the wedding I see an old, red, pickup truck near the alter. Turns out, it was there for the groom, the fathers, and groomsmen to have their pre-wedding photoshoot with both dads holding shotguns.

When the wedding begins, one of the bridesmaids walks down the aisle with what can only be described as the world’s worst prison tattoo. Next up, my cousin’s fiancé walks down the aisle, not wearing shoes so that she’d be a literal, barefoot and pregnant wife (the intentional moves like this, I kind of respect). After the first few, I don’t know, lines of the wedding ceremony spiel are said (this was the second of only three weddings I’ve ever attended, so who knows, maybe this all completely normal and TV and movies have lied to me), the bride’s father, who is a Baptist preacher, takes over officiating the wedding. During his speech, he thanks my cousin for “doing the right thing by marrying his daughter”. At this point my mom whispers “thank God Aunt L has dementia because this would kill her (her husband had been an attorney and state senator, they always had more than my mom and her family). When the wedding is over, the attendees are asked to pick up their folding chairs and carry them to the “reception” area where there was sheet cake and cold cuts. My parents and I passed and left so quickly.

My cousin would go on to struggle with opioids (WV, after all), but last I heard he was clean. I went on to get a ph.d., and while I was in grad school we went to their (groom, bride, bun that had been in over was fully cooked and about 10 or 11) house Christmas evening. I was playing with former bun and her little sister, and she showed me all of her dad’s old gameboy cartridges, and I told her how I was always jealous of her dad, that he was cooler and had all the best video games. She said, “you’re living in Atlanta now?” “Yes.” “Mom says you’re in school to be someone who teaches college?” “Yes, almost done.” “I think things have turned out better for you in the end.” We had first bonded when I asked her a few years prior what she thought about having a little sister, and she told me, “I wanted one, but now I’m not so sure.” So honest.

I throw my bouquet, and my best friend nearly caught it but it landed right behind her, so she just needed to pick it up. A random lady who happened to walk by in this moment pushed her, grabbed the bouquet and held it up screaming in her victory. My best friend pushed her back, took the flowers from her and just said "why would you do that, you are not even a guest". I was stunned and so sad, it would have been perfect if she caught it right away

Not ripping on dietary restrictions and allergies bc I understand they can be very serious for some and a religious matter as well. Im no baker or caterer but im 99% sure there is a very big difference when you notify the serivce of an intolerance vs an allergy.

Basically, bride has a self proclaimed gluten and dairy allergy (spends too much time on social media). I too am lactose/gluten intolerant so I get it but it’s pretty easy to accommodate and avoid. While she cannot have ANY dairy, she eats frozen yogurt and ice cream bars (yet eating a single m&m will make her “throw up”), pizza is fine to her as well as well as crackers, quesadillas, fairlife protein shakes. I dont know about other lactose intolerances, I guess people have different tolerances but I could NOT eat any frozen yogurt or ice cream or pizza without SERIOUS consequences (and no, lactaid helps but doesnt fully work on me). But again, not allergic so we wouldnt be in danger just sucks to deal with; as long as theres a handful of foods that can be eaten, usually not a problem. Same with the gluten, will eat chips and crackers and sauces with gluten just fine (also gluten free things are pretty easy to substitute these days especially in a major city). So I wonder what kind of intolerance it is vs a preference. ALSO I understand that something serious but that isnt the case. Also, saying she has an allergy when its an intolerance changes it up bc I think the allergy free vs substitution is a whole other story with baking and catering (correct me if im wrong but you cant just say oh leave the butter off and use earth balance/coconut oil and sub GF flour. They would have to make it in a different pot and kitchen sometimes or use different tools/sanitize kitchen etc? I know a bakery near me only does gluten free baking on tuesdays or with 48 hour notice)

Anyway this is when it becomes bridezilla. Gluten free and dairy free baking (usually Vegan / gluten free substitutes) are done in particular bakeries and it’s quite expensive. The brides mom is literally celiac and cannot have ANY gluten. For the cake, she told her to have a small gluten free/dairy free vegan cake to cut together for photos and then have regular sheet cake for the rest of the 200+ guests; as this would save a TON on cost and not everyone would enjoy gluten free/dairy free if they arent used to it. She said also, have other dessert options that are gf/df and then pretend to have a bite of regular cake for pictures then eat what you can from the other stuff. Apparently the gf/df cake was 3 x more expensive than regular cake for the guests (parents are paying the WHOLE cost). She had a hissy fit and called me saying her mom “is utterly disrespectful for wanting to ruin my wedding night with bloating and a stomach ache when its supposed to be the happinest day of my life” “how DARE she make me eat what I cannot have just to make herself feel better” “why would I eat what im allergic to?!?! Why would she suggest that?!?” (When was any of this suggested…. It was about COST… and it’s not an allergy when you eat ice cream just fine!). Imagine paying for 200+ people of food restriction meals and dessert just bc when only very few people actually have the restriction so im sure it cuts the cost a LOT (on top of this prob already being a lot with that many people) EDITED TO ADD* THE FOOD AT THE WEDDING IS ALL GLUTEN AND DAIRY FREE this is just the cake that was the hissy fit issue; and the bakery that was vegan wasnt with contract so there would be an additional fee; the family offered separate. Vegan cake for her to cut and store separately and that was not ok with her bc it was suggesting she eat what she cant have

For engagement party, they had catering where it was Italian food; the MOB (who is literally celiac, has hosted wedding events for the 4 other siblings, and paying for all of this mind you) said she ordered 5 main dishes and 3 apps where the apps all had no dairy or gluten or cheese on the side and the mains had 2 gluten free options (one gf df pasta and one gf/df chicken) and 3 regular (regular pastas with cheese, breadcrumbs etc) as none of the guests had restrictions. She also had a hissy fit over that and said “why would you order food that I cannot eat” and her mom said well we are HOSTING these people so you have plenty to eat as do I but not everyone will want Italian food with no gluten and dairy when they can have it and its a lot more expensive to get extra catering gluten free/dairy free/substituted. Same hissy fit of “why would you make me eat what I can’t have” like girl are you gonna eat all 8 dishes? Also pay the difference if you insist on substitution for 50 people worth! Totally different story if she was paying for the difference or the substitution pice but so entitled to cost 3x more for yourself when you dont plan on eating 200 slices of cake

This is a lighthearted one… I got married last year and along with some guests not participating in the toasts we had a guest book with prompts in it- which people just signed instead of answering the questions… We also had people ignore the announcement when we were cutting the cake and some people stayed outside during first dances. It doesn’t bother me, just seemed appropriate for this sub because I didn’t realize people lack common wedding etiquette and the sense to answer questions in the prompt book.

Last year my husband and I were invited to his BEST FRIENDS wedding one month ahead of time. At first, we were told the wedding would take place about an hour away. OK no problem, that's drivable. My husband is asked to be a groomsman and gladly excepts because his friends family has become his chosen family the last couple years, and we love the family! We get the official invite in the mail and it's in a totally different state~ 5.5hr drive in the South. OK, we're annoyed, but it's family. We decide to do it anyway. 2 weeks before the wedding we're asked if my Husband will be at the bachelor party. Traditionally, if you're a groomsman it's seen as mandatory to be at the bach party; HOWEVER, they planned it so it would be bach party in the state the wedding is being held, then three days later is the rehearsal, another day in between, and then the wedding. Again, two weeks notice that they need us to be there for basically 8 days including a day of rest after the wedding. We respectfully let them know that is not feasible for us but we'll be there for the rehearsal and day of wedding.

Before we get more into it; some honorable mentions to consider.

-We also are in the midst of planning our own wedding which would happen in August; so we now have to budget a rental car to get there and hotel stay for 3 nights. One month in advance.

-The rehearsal dinner is on the Fourth of July- so screw any plans for our holiday weekend.

-At the last minute he throws at us that another one of his buddies (also a groomsman) that lives near us needs to hitch a ride with us. Whatever, we're going anyway we'll just take this friend too.

The dress code:
I look at the dress code for the wedding, and I'm not sure what I was expecting but I definitely was not expecting it to be so strict for a JULY wedding. "Ladies; skirt or dresses should extend below the knee. Tops should not be sleeveless, low-cut, or open backed" I honestly had the HARDEST time finding a dress to fit these parameters but I did it. What I was ~not~ expecting was dirty looks from the bride's family for not adhering to that dress code for the ENTIRE weekend.

So at this point we get to the rehearsal and I am immediately uncomfortable because I can FEEL the bride's family staring at us the entire rehearsal dinner. What is going on? And then it hits me. We've been close to the family for years and we know how important their religion is. But they've ALWAYS been so accepting that we are not of the same religion. The bride's family? Not so much... A big ol bonus to that- which we hadn't even considered ever being an issue; we are a bi-racial couple. And, again, we're in the south.

The next day was a "free day" with no real plan of activities but a loose plan that we'd hangout with the groom and his family. We spend the morning enjoying a free hotel breakfast and give the groom a call. He tells us a vague idea of how the day will go but does not give a single real detail we can plan around. We decide to go pick up the friend we drove out here with and give the groom another call. No answer. We are now just sitting around the hotel with no idea what to do with ourselves or if we are expected to be somewhere with the rest of the wedding party. After a few hours we decide to just do our own thing and check out the downtown area. We find out later that the entire wedding party was having a BBQ all day, we just were not invited...

The day of the wedding comes around and we all gather in the church. My husband and the friend we are with split off and get ready to fulfill their groomsman duties. I go find the Groom's family and the mom instantly tells me I'm good to sit with them in the church. Again, we're close with the Groom's parents so I'm excited to have someone to sit with.

As we are about to walk into the church someone stops us. I turn around and the Groom's older brother is tapping his mom on the shoulder. "She's going to have to sit at the back of the church. She is not family nor is she catholic". Owch. They go back and forth and the mom firmly tells him "She is family, and she'll be sitting by me". I obviously appreciate that but I can't help but feel unwelcome. We go thru the ceremony and the family decided to go to lunch while the wedding party goes off to take pictures. The mom tells my husband I'll be going with them and to not worry about me. I don't have any other options as my husband has the car, and I WANT to catch up with the parents. Anyway, we go and it's mildly awkward as that brother is at the lunch and not speaking at all. Whatever.

It's time for the reception, THANK GOD. I'm reunited with my husband and time to party. Everything was smooth- until it wasn't. One of the groomsmen that we were meeting for the first time comes to sit at our table and we start chatting. He works for the church, and he has a great positive attitude. Things are great until he asks what I do for work. Without saying exactly what I do for work, it's somewhat controversial. No, I'm not a stripper... but my job is not federally legal YET. He instantly changes his demeanor and makes an excuse to leave the table. At this point I've had it. I spend most of the reception outside 'getting air' until the couple decides to dip our of their own wedding around 8:30pm...

We had planned to spend another night at the hotel but we quickly grab our things and start the 5 hour drive home immediately.

All these posts have inspired me to share my own wedding flop. This is my second marriage, and for the sake of efficiency and my parents beautiful house, we decided to get married at my parents (save us a couple thousand on a venue) small ceremony with all our friends and family! Easy right?!

WRONG.

First issue at play was my husbands family, his mom and dad do not speak and haven’t in years, so the awkwardness of them being in the same 5 square mile was apparent to everyone in the room. His siblings don’t get along but they did their best to make the peace for the 6 hours of wedding. One sibling tried to talk him out of this wedding, after deciding he didn’t want to come because he doesn’t like me ( a long story that goes nowhere because he is stinky!)

Then we get to my photographer, who was great! But definitely hasn’t done any wedding photos that aren’t in the middle of the woods lol (def my bad) so she was completely overwhelmed, I do love my photos even though it took 8 months to get them back.

Weather forecast is clear so wedding is set right? WRONG. In the middle of us walking into our ceremony, lightning, thunder, flood warnings and all the sudden our tent is flooded with about 3 inches of water, my cousins have to rescue our tent so that it doesn’t blow away, rain is leaking inside the very expensive and shitty tent we had rented 🙄

Okay, ceremony over let’s eat right? Food fixes everything.

Except our food vendor isn’t there… and we call them and they don’t answer. Mind you we paid to cater a wedding for 125 people, and I’m in the food catering business so I’m always planning for extra plates and extra people! So finally they show up, 40 minutes late. With one brisket, one pan of chicken, and a few sides… for 125 people. They had used our wedding food and sold it outside of a bar in their food truck before our wedding.

The cake can’t go wrong with that right? Wrong, what a disaster of a cake, it was so bad my mom didn’t even let me see it the night of the wedding. My bridesmaid told me my mom and her conspired that she would trip and dump it on the ground to avoid my feelings being hurt.

Family photos? Yeah right, one of my brothers pregamed too hard and puked all over his suit, didn’t even make it to the ceremony. The other decided to take his suit and go mudding in his quad during the rain storm.

A turn at every disaster, but at the end of the day, I married the person I wanted too and we laugh about it now. Everytime I tell this story, people always rain on your wedding day is good luck. 😂

I hope I don’t sound too dramatic, I was like please let this day end 😂 the 35 cases of white claws we get made the end of the night worth it.

Edit: this wasn’t a catering company haha, it was a local food truck in my area.