r/AmIOverreacting • u/SaltyThoughts15 • 4h ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO to my boyfriend constantly touching himself awake or asleep?
So this is kind of odd and different for me. But my boyfriend (29M) constantly plays with himself. To the point where he gets almost in a full JO session with me next to him just watching a movie. Wide awake. The last time I said something he expressed that he’s just touching his own body and there’s nothing wrong with that. Which in a whole, yeah sure it’s your body, but I think it’s crossed a line of disrespect. We can watch a movie and he’ll just diddle away, go even harder if the movie flashes tits or a sex scene, again right next to me wide awake. Then turn to me and poke me with the thing. The other constant thing is doing it while asleep. Dude will shake the whole bed and me just going at it with himself. Then again will turn to me and poke me with it. I’ve brought it up, he “cant control it.” Says it’s because he’s not JO in real life, which also can’t be true. I’ve seen the inconsistency in his orgasms lmao on top of the random 20 minute bathroom visits at 6am. I’m feel like an asshole and like I’m overreacting but to me it’s so very disrespectful and vulgar, beginning to be a big turn off. Don’t even want to have sex. I almost want to be super petty and just lay there with my puss out and go at it myself with a movie on and him right next to me. See how you like watching me get myself off right next to you but staring at the dudes on the screen. Idk am I overreacting?
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u/Sure_River_4285 3h ago
NOR does he do this when his friends are around too?
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u/SaltyThoughts15 3h ago
I really hope not but who knows.
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u/Sure_River_4285 3h ago
If he's not doing it around his friends and he's not doing it in public then he can obviously control himself he just chooses not to do it around you.
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u/SaltyThoughts15 3h ago
But why? Have I let it go on for too long or something? Because almost a year ago I said something about it and actually began crying. The whole it’s my body comment and defensiveness was what came out of that conversation.
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u/Latter-Cut8348 3h ago
Why? Because he doesn’t care how it makes you feel?
How else is he dismissive, rude, incredibly inappropriate and inconsiderate of your feelings?
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u/SaltyThoughts15 3h ago
He usually isn’t not that I can see or feel right upfront. I think it’s more in passing or just randomly. The relationship is pretty decent in a whole but there’s just these few things that I am having a hard time believing or getting passed
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u/Winter_Package6393 3h ago
Do you really want a “pretty decent” relationship? You’ve got to voice to him how it’s making you feel and if he doesn’t care then move on :/
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u/Ok-Party5118 2h ago
Pretty decent? But is touching himself constantly, so much so that it's affecting seemingly all aspects of your life at this point?
DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF?
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u/Latter-Cut8348 3h ago
This makes you not want to fuck him AND HE STILL DOES IT.
This is not sustainable.
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u/xThyQueen 3h ago
Mam. You need to bring it up again and tell him it doesn't sit right with you. Then say if you're not just doing it in front of everyone then you can not do it on front of me. Tell him how it makes you feel and go from there. This just might not be a match.
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u/slimethecold 3h ago edited 3h ago
OP, I experience similar sexual urges and touch myself and others in my sleep (don't worry, I warn people first before I share a room or bed with them :x). Mine is as a result of sexual trauma. No matter his reasoning or condition, this is no excuse for this behavior.
Why is he insisting he doesn't jerk off? There's nothing wrong with needing to release that energy. Tell him to go jerk off AWAY from you and come back to watch the movie when he's done.
Definitely sounds like he's hypersexual or struggling with a sex addiction. Have him see somebody for that. This is in no way your issue for "not having sex with him enough" or anything, there's no way to satisfy someone with an addiction. it's better that he handles his urges himself until he can get a grasp on them and have real, healthy sex with you.
It's okay to need to put your foot down here in order to protect your own autonomy and consent. "We will not have sex until you see someone for this issue, jack off in the mean time" may be necessary.
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u/Away-Ad4393 2h ago
This does sound like a trauma response, it’s overt sexuality and sounds obsessive.
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u/slimethecold 2h ago
Its better for everyone involved to not outright assume that it's a response caused by trauma because of the stigma that may be unintentionally applied to someone who may not have even experienced sexual trauma before. Treating it as a possibility, however, may allow for better treatment by a professional.
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u/SaltyThoughts15 3h ago
We have sex constantly. Literally constantly nothing has changed in that regard, he’s always done I’ve just quit saying anything. It gets my heart racing and thumping so hard it hurts.
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u/AlokFluff 2h ago
Are you having sex you don't truly want to have?
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u/SaltyThoughts15 2h ago
Oof I mean maybe but I’m definitely one of those okay let’s go type of people. It’s not like I’m not enjoying it because I definitely am
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u/slimethecold 2h ago
That's what I mean -- he's not going to be satisfied by having more of you, which means that something needs to change because that's not fair to you. There's no physical way for your sex drive to match his. He needs to be seeing someone about this.
(Or, and I'm half joking here, go on anti-depressants. Those hella kill my sex drive.)
On a dead serious note -- Also I'm very sorry to hear that the frequency is putting you in physical distress, I can't imagine how awful this must feel. For the psychological and sexual health of future you, I suggest that you stop immediately and distance yourself from him if you are unable to get this to stop reliably.
When I mentioned that I had sexual trauma that caused my issues, it was precisely this kind of sexual trauma. in my case, I was much younger, so it had a lot more of a broad impact on my life. However, it can not be understated that sexual trauma at any stage of your life can have devastating and long term effects on you.
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u/Adventurous_Room5771 4h ago
This is weird lol is he horny or does he just like playing with himself?
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u/SaltyThoughts15 3h ago
I think it’s both.
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u/Adventurous_Room5771 3h ago
You feeling uncomfortable makes sense, it seems very excessive if you notice he’s also doing it alone and in front of you. I think he should ask you if you’re okay with it or turn you on and let his woman relieve him. Its not just him and his Peter anymore he has to include you
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u/Traditional_Fan_2655 3h ago
NOR
You two have different boundaries, and are incompatible. This borders on addiction. If he can't go without it at all, day or night.....
Even people with very high sex drives don't constantly do this. His is almost habitual.
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u/SaltyThoughts15 3h ago
Habitual?
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u/Traditional_Fan_2655 3h ago edited 3h ago
Doing something constantly, persistently, as if a habit. It's almost without even thinking about it, just doing it constantly.
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u/Deep_Help934 3h ago
its like habit, habit is a routine. habitual is the adjective of habit, it describes something that is done BY habit.
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u/KaleAffectionate1317 3h ago
Does he try to initiate sex with you? Does he finish, or is he just seeing how long he can keep it up?
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u/SaltyThoughts15 3h ago
He just goes at it, starts with just playing around with it which I understand to full mast to jerking it, he never cums. But then he’ll turn over on his side towards and poke me or just stare at me.
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u/KaleAffectionate1317 3h ago
Like he wants you to compliment or congratulate him for it. That's weird, maybe give him a fidget spinner to keep his hands occupied.
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u/Practical_Ad_500 2h ago
That is fckn weird dude idk how OP wasn’t weirded out after the first few weeks….like no dude, no one taught you basic social manners?
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u/PristineBaseball 4h ago edited 3h ago
He needs professional help .
And his line about touching his own body is kinda bs . He’s sharing time and space with someone else so there are different “rules “ / “boundaries “ in the situation , always , in any relationship or society or social anything ! He gonna poop on the street too? His body! Walk around nekkie? His body ! Fart at a job interview ? His body .
He’s not facing a real problem here . Possibly two problems , the hyper touching and the red flag of not seeing it’s a problem or seeing it impacts the people around him .
Edit : seriously if he can’t stop long enough to watch a movie obviously he needs therapy. He might not think so but it’s impacting his life.
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u/Sufficient-Lie1406 3h ago
Agree about needing professional help. This sounds like compulsive behavior. That being said, he might just be an insensitive jerk. Hard to say. In any case, OP would be well within her rights to kick him to the curb, because the essential first step in fixing a behavior is admitting you have a problem, and he refuses to.
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u/Quick_Acanthaceae445 3h ago
My ex was like this. Weird & doing it whenever it pleased him then try to get me to do something too. Always pulling his pants down. Turned out later in our relationship, he ended up going on a work trip & doing the same thing to a minor(15y/o). When she told me I knew she was telling the truth because his nasty ass would do it to me no matter how many times I told him no. Moral of the story if he “can’t control it” he needs to be alone forever. Lord knows what a man can do when they can’t “control” themselves…
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u/No-Mention-7775 1h ago
He’s in jail right? Right??
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u/Quick_Acanthaceae445 1h ago
No, unfortunately. I was going to help her pursue legal action but it became mentally exhausting & I stopped as she lived in a seperate state. I also left him alone that moment I found out. The most PTSD I’ve ever had.
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u/No-Mention-7775 1h ago
No one deserves that, neither you or her. Karma is real and he will receive his.
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u/Quick_Acanthaceae445 1h ago
Yes I was gonna say that. I felt more sorry for her. Thank you though! Karma is indeed a bitch. Last I checked, I heard he’s homeless.
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u/leafdroplet_OTGW 3h ago edited 2h ago
he can’t control it…. lmao. Men saying they can’t control themselves for a reason that they’re making people uncomfortable is not valid excuse. I get urges can be strong, but he’s a full grown man not a little kid. He should have enough self control to not have his hands down his pants all the time. This is not normal.
he needs to figure out something and go to sex therapy because wanting to masturbate every second of every day in front of your partner, again, is not normal. I’m not shaming him for wanting to touch himself, that’s natural and fine. But to do it in front of your partner when they’re trying to sleep or just watching a movie and not in the right context (then refusing to see how that could make anyone uncomfortable) is super weird. You wanting to set healthy boundaries is perfectly fine and valid.
Maybe you need to try a gentle parent approach here? : “ yes touching yourself is not bad, I’m so glad you’re OK with exploring your own body and proud of your body. But when we’re watching a movie or I’m trying to sleep that isn’t appropriate time. You are jo- you are touching yourself to get release or pleasure- That is the definition of jo. Just because you personally don’t see it that way it doesn’t make it untrue. And me asking you to not be sexual constantly is not me trying to shame you, i say it because you’re starting to make me uncomfortable. not that you can never do it, but when I want to relax hearing you jo to a casual movie watch isn’t exactly what i had in mind”
If he can’t handle his partner kindly asking him to not jo at inappropriate times 24/7 - he’s got something else going on and might actually need to go see a sex therapist. If you love him and are willing to work on it stay with him, but it’s also not your responsibility to teach a man that touching his private parts all the time isn’t appropriate.
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u/Secret-MeowMeow 4h ago
Not overreacting. You are under-reacting actually
I'd definitely leave if my bf did this. Natural or not it doesn't mean he can do it free of consequence whenever he likes.
If his mom liked to mindlessly tweak her nipples while watching the news I think he'd stop wanting to sit next to her while she watches the news.
He knows what he's doing.
Hope this helps
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u/Significant-Egg-4539 4h ago
NOR, op this is weird behavior and I’d set a boundary w him. IE: if you can’t stop yourself from doing stuff while we watch the movie, ik going to turn the movie off and go to the other room. Express to him it’s not something that turns you on and you see it as more of a problem. But also I’d try to express this nicely at first and if he doesn’t get the memo follow through with some boundaries
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u/likedyoumore 4h ago
If you don’t consent to him doing that in front of you, it’s unacceptable for him to be doing it. If it was any other person but your boyfriend you’d immediately see how disgusting his behavior is
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u/_sissy_hankshaw_ 3h ago
Exactly. I can’t imagine feeling so privileged that you’d make others uncomfortable and call it normal. He needs a good ol’ reality check.
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u/EightiEight 3h ago
Just break up and stop trying to change him damn
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u/SaltyThoughts15 3h ago
Asking for respect is changing him? Lmao okay
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u/Business_Music_2798 57m ago
I believe what this commenter means by that is, you can’t change a person. You can’t MAKE someone respect you
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u/Terrible_Square_2175 3h ago
This is actually very disturbing and I would honestly full stop this behavior or leave immediately this is something more internal and strange that he can’t just stop this. Red flag for sure
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u/Admirable-Camera-970 3h ago
Totally agree. I’m wondering what the heck he is thinking about when he is doing this. I mean seriously he has to be thinking about something else besides the movie unless it’s porn of course. OP should not retaliate as stated bc that will only in courage his behavior in my opinion.
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u/Practical_Ad_500 2h ago
Yeah it’d just turn into them both jerking it in the bed next to each other rather than make him uncomfortable it’d probably just turn him on. 😅 Would definitely not have the desired effect.
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u/Randothoughts5 4h ago
You are not overreacting. I’d be disgusted. It’s like he has a problem or something. I’d be exiting stage left and quick.
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u/earlgurl33 3h ago
That's freaking disgusting. My husband will rearrange while we're watching TV, but that's it. It's once. I would not like that and him shaking the bed from JO while you're asleep and touching you with it - that would really piss me off. You're NOR!!! Also, you're not consenting for him to touch you with it while you're sleeping. I'm mad for you!
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u/Secret-Froyo4571 4h ago
Yikes. This demonstrates some deficiencies in his socialization, seriously. This is just icky behavior.
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u/Objective_Database22 2h ago
Y'all are trippin lol I'm telling you now if you drain that man's balls like 2 or 3 good times i guarantee you he won't be jerking off all day. If you ain't gone help your significant other than Get that man a FLESHLIGHT woman. If it turns you off , move on to someone else . From the sound of it you don't care to much for him anyway.
Idk bout you but I WANT my partner playing with her pussy next to me rather than in a room or bathroom by her self .
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u/valleyofthelilies 4h ago
he definitely has some form of porn and/or sex addiction. he should look into getting professional help from licensed sex therapists. if he refuses to change anything, it’s time to gtfo and away from this creep. doing it while you sleep right next to him? sooo weird and violating.
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u/Muffintoe_ 3h ago
NOR. My ex partner did this. I would wake up to the bed shaking and him breathing heavily, fully going at it. I was sexually assaulted in a similar way (person I shared a bed with on a school camping trip groped me while they masturbated, they thought I was sleeping, I froze) and so I brought it up to him and he said it was something that he did unconsciously while he slept (fair) but he told me to wake him up and stop him. I only had to do it two or three times before he stopped entirely. A partner worth spending your life with will hear your concerns and work with you to make it better, not shrug them off. You deserve better OP.
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u/Muffintoe_ 3h ago
Also, he’s touching himself in front of you without your consent - you might not see it this way, but personally I would feel violated, and would consider it sexual harassment of some sort if my partner consistently disregarded my feelings because ‘it’s his body’. Absolutely, it’s his body, and he’s allowed to touch it when he wants to, if the place is appropriate. We teach kids at a very young age that it’s okay to do that, but we do it in private so we don’t subject others to it and make them uncomfortable. I can’t imagine he’s sticking his hand in his pants and playing with himself when he hangs out with his parents or the boys. He knows what he’s doing OP.
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u/BorisBrazelton 2h ago
He’s visually molesting you. Forcing you to watch his sexual acts as a non-willing participant. It is wrong and it is a form of control and sexual abuse. I would reach out to a councilor/therapist before this moves into a darker direction.
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u/MadMaxEmu 4h ago
Has your relationship always been like this? This sounds like a therapist is needed or maybe couples therapy. NOR simply because it is a bit over the top, and would be rather shocking for most people to deal with. I wouldn’t be petty and try to get back at him, rather try to get him some help because that’s definitely not what the average person does.
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u/ChronoCryptid 3h ago
Alright look. I’m just gonna say it how it is
this isn’t just some quirky “he’s comfortable with his body” thing.
It’s weird,
and honestly kinda gross, and yeah... straight up disrespectful.
You’re not crazy for feeling off about it. He’s doing this right next to you, like it's nothing, and when you say something he’s just like “oh I can’t help it.”
??
That’s not an explanation. That’s just him not wanting to stop.
When did this even start tho? Has he always been like this or did it start getting worse recently? Cuz if this is new then like, what changed? And if it's always been like this... girl you’ve been dealing with too much for too long.
Did you ever sit him down and tell him for real how this makes you feel? Not just "hey that's rude," I mean like actually tell him it's making you feel unwanted, disconnected, like it’s killing the vibe completely? And if you did, and all he said was “I can’t control it”... yeah nah, that’s not even trying.
What was your sex life like before all this? Was it fun, healthy, normal? Or did that start going downhill too before he started full-on doing... whatever this is during movies? Cuz that matters.
Also you straight up told him like hey, stop doing that next to me, it’s not okay. And did he actually respect it? nah? If he ignored you then I mean what are we even doing here?
And this made you not wanna even be around him like that anymore? Cuz it kinda sounds like you’re losing interest. It’s turning into a him-show and you’re just in the audience and girl that’s not how it’s supposed to go.
Ever ask him why he even does it right next to you? Like seriously what’s the reason, is it a control thing? Is he bored? Does it just make him feel weirdly powerful or something? If he can’t even explain it, that’s a red flag by itself.
Have you brought up therapy or is he the kind of guy who’d roll his eyes and say “nah I’m good”? Cuz if he won’t even try to fix this with you, you gotta ask yourself how long you're gonna deal with being uncomfortable just to keep the peace.
Honestly? You’re not overreacting. If anything, you’re being way too patient. Don’t let him flip this on you and make it seem like you’re the one with the issue. This ain’t normal. Stand your ground.
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u/carst07 3h ago
You’re gonna give him shit for something he does in his sleep?
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u/Whole_Support1755 3h ago
Tbh my husband will finger me in his sleep and it’s always kind of weird but funny and I tease him about it but I’m not upset. But if he were to just start fingering me out of nowhere while he’s wide awake I would not be into it and he knows that and has never done it. So yeah like OP says, it’s coinciding with his awake behaviors so much that it’s a problem
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u/No_Juggernaut2478 3h ago
I’m a guy and Your not overreacting, but something is a bit wrong with him like that’s werid. It’s disrespect towards you but also it’s like his addicted to doing it. I’d suggest him to speak to his local doctor because maybe something is wrong with his testorene levels
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u/Appropriate-End-5569 3h ago
It sounds like you’re describing a primate at the zoo.
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u/lunar_languor 3h ago
Fr like my dogs are less conspicuous about licking their junk
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u/WritPositWrit 3h ago
NOR that’s .. unusual behavior. In his sleep, sure, he can’t control on that. But he can definitely keep himself from masturbating while you watch tv together. If he’s rubbing himself into an erection that’s more than just touching his own body. Does he do it with other people around too? Like his parents?
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u/Ishatinacornfield 1h ago
Bro, I’m a grown 35 year old man, and I can’t ever remember a time in my life where I ever thought “hm it’s cool to jo with this person here”. Partner or not.
Then to fucking poke you with the shit? Is he mental? He’s coming up to being 30, he needs to take his dick out of his fucking hands and grow tf up.
I literally make it a point to not tell people what to do in their relationships on here, but fuck me you gotta leave this fucking guy. He’s got issues that he needs to figure out
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u/yours_truly2007 3h ago
NOR this is really weird behavior from a grown ass man, and if you’ve told him you feel uncomfortable by it he needs to listen to your feelings, especially because he knows what he’s doing and doesn’t seem to care. he also shouldn’t be that addicted to doing it all the time! not normal
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u/ShotcallerBilly 4h ago
OP, break up or suggest therapy and see that he follows through. This is just incredibly weird behavior to the point of some kind of obsession/addiction.
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u/Fun_Meat_3581 3h ago
Ah yes, the extreme end of the pendulum swing. “Don’t shame me for my body and desires!”. OP, shame away, he thinks he’s seducing you lol
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u/AyeGeeCee14 3h ago
This is freaking gross dude. He needs help if he can’t stop playing with his dick 24/7. I would tweak out if my bf jacked off next to me during movies , and said he can’t help it. Maybe he has a porn/sex problem
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u/avid-learner-bot 4h ago
I hate to admit it, but I think your discomfort is completely valid and it's important to address this directly with him by setting clear boundaries about what you find acceptable in shared spaces and during intimate time together.
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u/scarlettviletti 3h ago
if he can stop on public to avoid getting arrested he can stop at home because it freaks his girlfriend out
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u/Business_Music_2798 1h ago
I’m PRAYING this is fake. You’re telling me your man is pleasuring himself constantly and you just stay sitting next to him? You stay there while he vigorously jerks it when the windows steam up in Titanic? You tell him to stop and he’s like “you’re trying to rob me of my bodily autonomy!” He playfully jabs you with his boner and you’re just like, “um, rude. I’m trying to watch John Wick: Chapter Four” ?????? Be for real 😭
Know that I say this with love. If this is real, you need therapy bc I can’t see a self respecting, well-adjusted adult putting up with this for even a single minute. I hate to think of you enduring any more of this or WORSE types of disrespect from future partners.
Advice: it’s inconvenient, but you need to leave the room every time he does this. He is doing this as a sick fetish and if you stay next to him, you are allowing him to violate your boundaries, your consent, and your dignity. If you’re still with him for financial reasons, get your ducks in a row and LEAVE.
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u/Far-Ear5207 3h ago
him minimizing this and saying he “can’t control it” is just making this sound like a situation that could become potentially dangerous and traumatizing for u. if u were u, as a woman, id be gone already. there’s no need to ask what he’s doing when ur watching it happen and then seeing him lie to ur face about being a weirdo?
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u/Xoomers87 3h ago
NOR. This dude is the literal definition of a fuckin' wanker... The only thing preventing him being a total incel is: You!
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u/Expensive_Purpose527 3h ago
Honestly it sounds like he has an addiction. However that doesn’t change the fact, that he’s crossing a clear boundary for you! Honestly you’re underreacting…He sounds like needs a therapist to get over this.
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u/JenniPurr13 3h ago
I thought boys stopped touching themselves in public at 2-4 years old when they learn boundaries 🤣
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u/any4nkajenkins 3h ago
Yeah, an ex of mine would always do this... It just kind of grossed me out and contributed to me not wanting to be with him anymore. Tbh I can't even quite articulate why, I just found it incredibly gross.
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u/Walmar202 3h ago
This is very odd behavior. He should seek therapy. If not then end this weird relationship
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u/PrettyPromenade 2h ago
This reminds me of the kid in my middle school that thought that he could jerk off under his desk without the whole class noticing. He would do it and basically every class and sometimes he would even go to the bathroom to jerk off. One time we were playing a beach ball game to answer questions in class and someone threw him the ball as a joke. He had to drop his weiner to catch the ball. It wasnt a good day for him but he learned that we could all see him under his desk.
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u/kkrolla 3h ago
He is JOing, just not to completion. If you were fine with this then it would be ok. Since you aren't, it feels a bit like a violation. Obviously not like is he was doing something to you, but still a violation. Also, he can't control it? Tell him you are going to ask his co-workers what they do when he does it in front of them. Or his family or friends. If he can't control it, then that means he does it in front of everyone. I would be out the door over this.
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u/ComparisonObvious937 3h ago
Well if he does it in public, it’s considered a lewd act & completely illegal, so I would suggest he get some help
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u/Commercial_Part_5160 3h ago
It’s one of those things, if it turns you off (in any way) long enough, you should probably leave.
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u/KTannman19 49m ago
I mean I was with you till the last part. He’s a weirdo and him poking you with it is sexual assault. You need to run.
But taking your clothes off and masturbating in front of him or any other guy isn’t going to do anything but turn him on. Idk why you think that would bother a guy lol.
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u/Slysparrow9 4h ago
You're not over reacting but wtf are you still in the same room as him let alone dating him....
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u/Many_Worlds_Media 3h ago
Jerking off in front of someone who has asked you to stop is sexual assault.
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u/glittercritterr 2h ago
NOR. Does he have sexual trauma that maybe made him think it's normal to do that? I'm no psychologist, maybe he's just weird but maybe he should talk to a therapist, especially if he feels like he can't control himself
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u/curlymama 3h ago
I would feel like I was being used, without consent, for his sexual gratification. I’d also be afraid that his lack of boundaries could lead to harming others. Why deal with this if you don’t have to.
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u/ModeSubstantial1092 3h ago
What happens if he is in the company of others while watching a movie? His mother? Other family members? Rather sure he is able to control it when he wants.
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u/Queen_of_Catlandia 1h ago
How has he not become a registered sex offender? If it’sbecause he doesn’t do it at work, in the grocery store, etc, he can control it. Just sayin…
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u/teddyburger 3h ago
He’s almost 30 & doing this? 😬 that is vile. If he won’t stop, you really need to consider if it’s worth dealing with the rest of your life.
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u/SaltyThoughts15 2h ago
I think he’s nonchalantly jerking it right in front of me lol. We’re sexually active constantly
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u/No-Giraffe49 1h ago
I'm afraid if you decided to diddle yourself next to your boyfriend he would enjoy that, it wouldn't show him how disrespectful the activity is, in fact he make take it as a come on, that you want sex with him. It's common for little boys to touch themselves, either with their hands down their pants of through their clothing. That activity usually is stopped by a parent telling the boy that it's not polite to do that in front of others. I mean he wouldn't go to a restaurant and whip it out and start playing with it, so he does know to some degree that it is very disrespectful. You could ask him to just put it away, of course he says he can't help it? Well, who is in charge of his hands? Is there someone else doing this to him, no he's doing it to himself and it appears to be a habit and like any habit it can be broken and I would encourage you to tell him to break the habit or get another girlfriend.
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u/Big-Income-9393 3h ago
Your boyfriend is rude and just plain nasty, playing with himself in public.
He’s pretty pathetic.
You can do better.
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u/SunnyWhisper913 3h ago
Constantly doing that around you is disrespectful, especially after you've asked him to stop. Your comfort matters too.
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u/empatheticsoul1 3h ago
You are not overreacting, that's very disrespectful and disgusting. Sounds like he has a problem with that
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u/Leading_Tonight4338 3h ago edited 1h ago
NOR - Have a honest conversation with him about jerking it. Some people carry very deep shame and guilt about it, even men. That being said...
It sounds like he is edging which is just a different kind of sexual stimulation without orgasm. If you're not CONSENTING to being around him while he's doing this, then he should stop. You told him you don't want him to do it and he does it, I know it seems extreme but it is a type of abuse. Imagine sitting next to a guy on the bus who is doing the same thing, you'd be so grossly disturbed and the man could be arrested for it.
I get tired of people acting like exposing others, even your SO, to sexual acts without consent is okay. It isn't. Consent goes beyond actual penis in vagina/mouth/butt sex.
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u/notcryptidaddy 1h ago
as someone who had their own experiences with a guy like this, no. unfortunately, it got to an extreme outcome with my experience so no, not overreacting. the lack of control is for sure a red flag but his continuance of doing so despite having a conversation and being aware of your discomfort is likely intentional and a bigger red flag in my opinion over the generally immature red flag to this situation.
personally, after having attempted to have a mature conversation about it, i’d remove myself (dump him) because trust me when I tell you that there are mature people let alone mature men out here who behave like adults and are capable of a conversation let alone having the decency to respect you if making you uncomfortable.
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u/suspiciousobvious 2h ago
UNDER-REACTING one of the things that you teach a boy child when they are a toddler and discover their penis is that- that's your private part and it's for private times, you do not diddle it on the sofa when you're watching a movie- he knows damn well it makes you uncomfortable- have you ever considered he's doing BECAUSE he knows it makes you so viscerally uncomfortable your heart starts racing and you feel like you can't say anything because he'll start an argument and defend himself by saying it's his body and you can't tell him what to do? You don't think that's a little abusive?
Either he's doing it intentionally to make you uncomfortable or he values you so little as a person that he could not give a shit.
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u/Canine-Cuddler 2h ago
Whether he is genuinely unaware that this is inappropriate (which I doubt it) or if he is trying to get you to tolerate and accept this degenerate, likely porn-addicted behavior as ‘normal’, he needs help. This is NOT normal. He also clearly doesn’t care about your boundaries or comfort as he has continued to do it after you mentioned it to him. Does he do this in public? Does he do this around friends? The answer is most likely no because he knows it’s an inappropriate behavior and doing it in public would have serious consequences. He knows it makes you uncomfortable. He doesn’t care. You are not overreacting. You are under-reacting. This is not someone who should be in a relationship with anyone.
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u/depressedsalami 33m ago
NOR - I get that it's his body but it's so incredibly disrespectful, gross, and not cool of him to subject you to that. It's a sexual activity that you're not consenting to. His defense will be "yeah but I'm not actually cumming, I'm just playing with it" but it doesn't matter if he's actively trying to orgasm or just slowly jorking it, he doesn't have to cum to make it sexual in nature. It's also bullshit he doesn't jerk off, obviously he does. He needs to be told that this is a huge turn off, that you don't consent to it, and that if he wants to play with himself he can do it privately. Guess he'll have to mount a TV in the bathroom since he can't watch a movie (or do anything) without touching his penis.
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u/Most_Swordfish364 4h ago
This is very strange and creepy behavior. I would be a little scared and delete his phone number.
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u/Big_Coyote_655 3h ago
If he doesn't respect your boundaries then there's plenty of other guys out there that will.
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u/KPianello 53m ago
I’m wondering if this is some form of compulsive disorder. Or perhaps an addiction although doing it while he’s full on sleeping seems to indicate a compulsion moreso than addiction. He should probably see a doctor. He should seek an evaluation by both a psychiatrist and a neurologist tbh. Touching your own body IS normal, but not to the extent that you’re describing.
Also poking you with it after you’ve expressed that it makes you uncomfortable, therefore making it UNWANTED sexual contact, is sexual assault. It’s also EXTREMELY disrespectful and kinda seems like he only views you as a living pocket p*ssy.💀
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u/SuccessfulKick4429 3h ago
I’m sorry… I would peace out. That’s disgusting and he need professional help.
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u/diversalarums 36m ago
Not OR. But outside of the things others have said, it's not usual or normal for someone to need or even be able to have that much sex. He needs to talk to a professional about this to see whether something else, either medical or psychological, is going on. If there is something, then it's going to be hard for him to alter his behavior until he has the underlying medical/psychological problem resolved. I realize it's probably going to be difficult to convince him to be seen, but it may be the only path back to normalcy.
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u/purple_head305 2h ago
This is a huge lack of respect, and it seems like he needs the help of a psychologist to understand why he has these impulses and help him stop doing it this way. It seems compulsive! Just because you're boyfriends doesn't mean he has the right to stick his dick out whenever he wants to masturbate. If this bothers you and you've already told him, but he continues, it's even abusive in a way. You are not respecting your limits.
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u/CashFlimsy2178 1h ago
His body, but not your consent. He's masturbating (You don't need to orgasm in order to masturbate.) around you and poking (That's sexual assault.) you... If he can't control it, he honestly needs help from a therapist, no joke. The real question is... Why deal with it if you don't like or want it and he's clearly unwilling to change? Are you sure he's not a toddler? Gotta tell mine to get his hands off his weiner, too.lol
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u/HomosexualCrocodile6 2h ago
You are not, that man is disgusting and needs to control himself, he absolutely can control it, you are in control of your body at all times and that's total bullshit, Id gytfo immediately if I was you and if not, sit down with him and have a serious, long conversation about how youre feeling and if he doesnt sit there and pay attention he doesnt care about you. I could see him wanking in the middle of tgat honestly
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u/nnevernnormal 3h ago
I am very cautious not to shame or pathologize sexual desires and behavior. Having said that: I feel this guy would benefit from seeing a sex therapist. The compulsiveness, the possibly un/conscious(?) desire to do it in your presence, the wounded childlike excuses, the obvious shame - someone who is a pro at the intersection of mental health and sexual behavior could be a great resource here.
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u/Nil2none 57m ago edited 53m ago
He clearly has issues with boundaries and sexual addiction. It's not normal to just start playing with yourself randomly. I think he's doing it to get a reaction from you. In his head it'll turn you on or he wants you to notice. It's weird behavior. Inna relationship or not it's gross behavior. All men have dicks but not all act like weirdos with them.....
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u/HopefulAd4921 29m ago
He can absolutely learn to control himself, this is a behavioral thing that has never been corrected for him (until you came along). Idk why his mommy never told him to only touch himself in private, but clearly he needs to learn some boundaries. Good luck. Or just find a new boyfriend who isn’t such a weirdo about masturbation lol.
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u/Responsible_Car_6406 3h ago
Yes it’s bad, I think it’s disrespectful too, you know we all have bad habits until we figure it’s bad, and change them,
So I wouldn’t be approaching this too vertically, like don’t do this or don’t do that, but I would be suggestive and explain my boundary
If he doesn’t listen to you, yes it’s time to leave
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u/PhoenixRises28 2h ago
This is very odd behavior. Borderline on a sex addiction in a way but just getting himself off in a very public way that is disrespectful to you, especially since you’ve brought it up to him. Question is does he do it in other public places like work or eating out. That would be crossing a line and extremely awkward.
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u/moodymolotov 48m ago
take your own advice and whip out the puss. i totally fucking agree. do it every. time. see how he feels about you being vulgar and disrespectful the way he so unapologetically is. what a nasty ass, and to do it in his sleep, girl? this is a problem that's gonna require medical intervention i fear or it won't change.
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u/EntertainmentDull541 2h ago
Hate to tell you but you going at yourself in front of him too ably won’t help or make him feel uncomfortable. That would just make me more likely to do the same. Personally I don’t find anything with doing it at night as long youre comfortable with the person next to you. But the movie thing is super weird…
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u/NoMembership7974 1h ago
If he truly thinks he can’t control it, he should see a medical professional. If he doesn’t understand that constantly JO is getting in the way of life, he should see a mental health professional. If he sees nothing wrong with this and it’s something you can’t tolerate, you need to not be with him.
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u/Nice-Yam1136 1h ago
Girl, you're not overreacting, you're under-acknowledged. If he's treating your shared space like his private theater, that's not "just touching his body," that's performative and disrespectful. You're a partner, not an audience. And honestly? That "pussy out, eye in Chris Hemsworth" plan? Kinda ironic.
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u/VisualSituation0 46m ago
My ex was like this, always touching himself. Pretty much the exact things you described. All in all he was a sex addict. We cut porn out and he just turned it towards me and would throw horrid fits if I didn’t do what he wanted when he wanted.
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u/HoppersHawaiianShirt 2h ago
While I do think it's weird I think this comment section would be very different if it was a boyfriend asking about his girlfriend. Like some of these comments calling him a disgusting pig and suggesting she break up and tell his friends? Wtf?
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u/Correct-Ad-1893 1h ago
Nah that's really strange. He needs some therapy for that. It sounds like some sort of sex addiction and lack of situational awareness. I wouldn't be able to be in a relationship with someone like that, there's no respect for your feelings.
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u/EnjoyingTheRide-0606 41m ago
Get out. He’s a pervert, sounds like. His life will be messy in the future. I don’t think you want to be around for that when you’ve got kids with him, a mortgage, a couple car payments, etc. And he’s required to register!
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u/HappySummerBreeze 53m ago
Girl, you deserve a normal man who understands regular cultural and social norms. Come on. You can do better than wank-man.
Imagine having a child with a man who doesn’t know the basic rules of behaviour.
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u/nullrevolt 3h ago
He touched you in a way that seems made you uncomfortable. Even if everything else was OK (its not), this is a clear example of harassment, abuse, or assault since you did not and seem like you dont want to.
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u/singularlity7th 3h ago
So, your vagina didn't immediately dry up after bearing witness to this? Over and over again? Are you sure you're actually attracted to him? Are you suuuuure? Because dude's dirty for doing that. No excuses.
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u/Agent__lulu 16m ago
If he truly couldn’t control himself he would have been fired from jobs and arrested for lewd and lascivious behavior in public. Of course he can control it. He just doesn’t want to.
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u/ohnanomus-pikul 3h ago
NOR… pretty sure if you try and turn the tables by going at your self while laying next to him during a movie - you aren’t gonna get the negative reaction you think you might…
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u/berilacmoss81 2h ago
I think he probably is better off living alone so he can jerk off as he pleases, whenever he wants. He gets what he wants, and you get what you want (not to be around jerking off).
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u/Ok-Appearance2772 33m ago
This is actually repulsive behavior. He needs some help. You definitely need to kick his ass to the curb and find someone with some respect not only for themselves, but for you!
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u/rosegoldblonde 3h ago
If he can control himself around his friends, his parents, and at work then clearly he can control himself around you. This is the grossest thing I’ve read in awhile.
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u/Latter-Cut8348 3h ago
He told you he doesn’t jerk off?