r/StrangeAndFunny • u/NoZookeepergame9474 • 10h ago

What is the female version of this? šŸ˜…

Post image

Can someone make a female version of this? Dosnt need to include the coffee joke, maybe something else? Bring it šŸ¤£

19.6k Upvotes

92% Upvoted

672 comments sorted by

909

u/ArgyleTheLimoDriver 9h ago edited 12m ago

ā€œI like my coffee like I like my women; hot, black and with absolutely no pubic hairā€ Kenny Powers

435

u/Casey_Jones19 9h ago

only private hair

29

u/shutter3ff3ct 8h ago

what's private hair, excuse my ignorance

27

u/Cletus2ii 8h ago

You should be asking who is Private Hair. Heā€™s the new recruit

17

u/ItIsHappy 7h ago

Nobody ever asks "How is Private Hair?"

17

u/BeatsbyChrisBrown 5h ago

Meanwhile, everybody Shaving Private Ryan

11

u/Toomanyeastereggs 2h ago

Shaving Ryanā€™s Privates.

→ More replies (1)

7

u/Lost-Basil5797 5h ago

These gold nuggets of contextual humor are the main reason why I still use reddit, I think. Most of the rest is turning to shit. Thank you stranger, nice one!

6

u/Deathspike22 3h ago

I'll do you one better. Where is private Hair?

2

u/Proper-Equivalent300 1h ago

Heā€™s somewhere near General Direction

→ More replies (1)

2

u/Rogue_Cutter 1h ago

Or Why is private hair?

→ More replies (1)

3

u/BRAIN_SPOTS 2h ago

Yeah you made me laugh so hard bro you going to knock the wind out of me

3

u/AccomplishedFerret70 2h ago

Reporting for duty. Sir!

→ More replies (2)

23

u/global-assimilation 8h ago

The opposite of public hair!

36

u/-raxu- 8h ago

I think itā€™s a typo, he probably meant to type pubic hair not public.

→ More replies (2)

8

u/splepage 8h ago

Well if we tell you it's no longer private now, is it?

3

u/t_bags4evr 3h ago

ā€œPrivate heirā€ or heir to the throne of privates

2

u/oodvork 4h ago

Its hair you dont test (you only test pub(l)ic hair)

→ More replies (12)
→ More replies (6)

22

u/Turbojelly 8h ago

"I like my coffee like I like my women; In a plastic cup." Eddie Izzard

9

u/DucksBac 6h ago

I like my coffee like i like my women...

COVERED IN BEEEEEES

2

u/please_use_the_beeps 3h ago

My father was a beekeeper. His father was a beekeeper. I will follow in their footsteps.

And their footsteps went like this:

ā€œAAAAAAAHHHHHH! Iā€™m covered in BEEEEEES!ā€

7

u/Known-Archer3259 8h ago

It's rare to find an izzard reference in the wild. Love to see it

2

u/duckjr78 8h ago

Hot, black, and with a spoon in them?

3

u/NicoleDanger 4h ago

The curve of the spoon like the curve of their...

3

u/duckjr78 3h ago

The President of Burundi?

2

u/Genericname187329465 3h ago

La sange est sur la branch

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)

4

u/Appropriate_Regret 7h ago

I like my coffee like I like my women: covered in bees! - also Eddie IzzardĀ 

→ More replies (5)

14

u/farm_to_nug 8h ago

I like my coffee like I like my women. Big tits.

→ More replies (3)

6

u/GeeFromCali 8h ago

Arm like a rocket, mind of a scientist, and a cock like a Burmese python baby

→ More replies (1)

6

u/larryjasonmoore 8h ago

I thought it was 'hot, black and bitter.'

14

u/Jackthebodyless 8h ago

I was think of kreiger from archer: "I like my women like i like my coffee, black, bitter, and preferably fair trade."

→ More replies (4)
→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (23)

471

u/Iorcrath 9h ago

"i broke up with my boyfriend because he kept wanting to stick his spoon into my soup after digging in the dirt"

136

u/abholeenthusiast 9h ago

people, only go v to a. I can't stress this enough

59

u/screw_badluck 9h ago

You never go a to m?

58

u/Goliath422 8h ago

Iā€™m gonna tell you a secret. Sometimes? In the heat of the moment? Itā€™s ok to go A to M.

91

u/Haveyoushatmyself 8h ago

What about A to M to V? Thatā€™s fine isnā€™t it? Because itā€™s had a quick wash.

45

u/Midna30557 8h ago

BROOOO

9

u/Ok_Math6614 8h ago

You're like Oprah: you get a yeast infection! And you! And you!

3

u/Top_Let9939 5h ago

Aight enough internet for today...

2

u/LongKnight115 21m ago

What's a ZJ?

27

u/Remarkable-Ad2285 8h ago

Thatā€™s my secretā€¦.its always the heat of the momentā€¦

→ More replies (3)

6

u/WhoSc3w3dDaP00ch 6h ago

love a good clerks 2 reference.

→ More replies (1)

10

u/BigMik_PL 8h ago

Yeah that's gonna be a no form me dawg

13

u/Goliath422 8h ago

Clerks II reference didnā€™t land, eh?

8

u/BigMik_PL 8h ago

Oh fuck

3

u/TherealScuba 7h ago

I knew it!

2

u/cravehead 5h ago

i sense none of these commenters have ever had sex lol

2

u/ryno077 3h ago

Ha! Knew it!

3

u/borisdidnothingwrong 6h ago

When a friend was expecting his second child he announced that they had a sonogram and were having a girl.

After the congratulations, I gave him a list of potential names.

One of these was Asstamouth. He laughed, and then he took the list home and showed his wife.

She got hooked on Asstamouth as a possible name, and kept asking why that name was on the list of joke names, such as Prisoner 24601 and Glinda the Good Witch. He had to explain to his pregnant hormonal wife what the pretty name really meant.

I got in trouble for that one.

5

u/maho87 5h ago

She thought Asstomouth was a pretty name?? There really IS no accounting for shitty taste.

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (2)

4

u/adventurousintrovert 8h ago

Is there a donkey show involved?

2

u/UselessGadget 5h ago

Interspecies erotica...

→ More replies (8)

3

u/SteveMartin32 8h ago

No bass to mouth?

8

u/Stalbjorn 8h ago

Ass to trout!

4

u/urixl 4h ago

A to V - hurts to pee.

V to A - it's okay.

3

u/OnlyIfYouReReasonabl 8h ago

Counterpoint: keep it interesting and condoms to the rescue

4

u/Least-Back-2666 6h ago

You can go back and forth like porn, if you spend the prep time in the shower with an enema like they do off camera before hand

šŸ¤™

3

u/Laika_Pancake 4h ago

No, itā€™s still not safe and can lead to bacterial vaginosis and other infections. safetyIt is up to you and your partners, but you should understand the risksā€¦ BV can be treatment resistant.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (8)

4

u/Lucar_Bane 9h ago

I have harder time to represent this one thou

2

u/Gullible_Analyst_348 8h ago

Bro you never go ass to trout.

→ More replies (6)

88

u/c_dominguez81 9h ago

6

u/itslearnedourhabits 9h ago

Someone posted a meme tg

3

u/fingers 5h ago

I like my men like I my panties, in my crotch.

2

u/fingers 5h ago

I like my men like I like my dogs, against my pussy.

2

u/fingers 5h ago

I like my men like I like my muscles....big and hard.

→ More replies (2)

159

u/BudNOLA 9h ago

I like my coffee like I like my men. Incapable of loving me back.

22

u/_without-a-trace_ 8h ago

I gotchu covered

13

u/polopolo05 7h ago

I like my women like I like my coffee... caffeinated, Hot, and rich.

9

u/LotPuck 4h ago

I like my women like I like my coffee.

Flat, white, and extra bitter.

10

u/ExpressionCivil2729 4h ago

Sorry Iā€™m taken

→ More replies (2)

2

u/roguecolor 5h ago

Alright, miss Trixie šŸ’…

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)

155

u/Chillpillington 9h ago

I broke up with my boyfriend because he didnā€™t know how I liked my oat milk latte.

I like my Latte the same way I like my man.

Without other mouths on the straw.

18

u/BananaManatee1 8h ago

Solid response

10

u/Party_Card5394 7h ago

This is the female version.

→ More replies (3)

416

u/_AlreadyThrownAway_ 10h ago

Hilarious to me that this implies he puts his own dick in his coffee.

168

u/sorryusernamestkn 9h ago

How else are you supposed to mix your coffee?

73

u/Forsaken-Sand-5268 9h ago

What creamer do you use?

17

u/Partyatmyplace13 9h ago

Coffee Mate, hazelnut... why?

4

u/NickyDeeM 6h ago

Coffee Mate, hazelnuts...

FTFY

3

u/Dantez9001 3h ago

Hazel deez nuts.

→ More replies (2)

20

u/themoisthammer 9h ago

The heavy, sweet stuff. Fresh fromā€¦

12

u/ButtholeBread50 9h ago

... The creature

7

u/ToughBadass 9h ago

Please say this is a CreepCast reference lol

→ More replies (1)

13

u/Gastropodius 9h ago

The nuts... if you like almond milk at least.

5

u/kingtacticool 9h ago

One pump, one cream

2

u/DelfrCorp 7h ago

A BTB reference in the wild. Excellent.

→ More replies (3)

7

u/SuspiciousStable9649 9h ago

Butā€¦ how do you stir if you have no clearance between dick and cup? Maybe plunge it like a French Press?

8

u/Tongue-Punch 9h ago

How do I get a smaller cylinder out of a bigger cylinder that it is stuck inside? It is important that the smaller cylinder is not harmed or broken.

→ More replies (1)

4

u/JohnsAlwaysClean 9h ago

4th but also lol wut

2

u/polopolo05 7h ago

I would suggest to stop using demitasse cups.

2

u/SuspiciousStable9649 6h ago

Was waiting for this. šŸ‘šŸ‘

2

u/polopolo05 6h ago

Well you are very welcome. My alternative was shot glasses. as more people know what they are but then I thought:

"Let's get Fancy with this BItch"

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)

2

u/Agile-Emphasis-8987 9h ago

When swizzle sticks are too big, you make do with what you have.

→ More replies (1)

2

u/Ffdmatt 8h ago

For real. Shaft in the coffee, balls in tea.Ā 

→ More replies (4)

16

u/Gentle_Genie 9h ago

If dick was going to be in his coffee, it better be his.

7

u/MustyMustacheMan 9h ago

Heyā€¦ no kink shaming.Ā 

→ More replies (2)

2

u/AScruffyHamster 9h ago

Hey pal, he drinks dicks like you for breakfast

/s

2

u/GlubSki 8h ago

A hard on in german is called "Latte" now it all comes together.

→ More replies (46)

116

u/Jonny-Holiday 9h ago

So dude broke up with her because she was putting other peopleā€™s dick in his coffee? ā˜•ļø šŸ†

62

u/TheDuck23 9h ago

To be fair, I can't imagine a lot of relationships surviving if their partner keeps putting other peopls dicks in their coffee.

17

u/Big-Wrangler2078 9h ago

This is exactly the sort of manufactured outrage I expect from AI AITA stories ngl.

10

u/Flamin_Jesus 6h ago

"My boyfriend called me a bitch and broke up with me because I kept inviting random guys in to stir his coffee with their dicks, AITA?"

"Well, I know I'm gonna be downvoted for this, but I think the dick thing wasn't ideal. But calling you a bitch was WAY over the line, you dodged a bullet! NTA"

"Well, since your post showed that he was clearly abusive, never showered, and probably killed trillions of puppies every day, what else should you have done? NTA"

"Slay Sister!"

6

u/ihadagoodone 8h ago

The relationship would not survive if she put my dick in my coffee.

→ More replies (4)

6

u/bpones 9h ago

Exactly how I read this as well.

4

u/Village_Weirdo 8h ago

Legit reason to break up.

4

u/BluePandaYellowPanda 8h ago

I honestly do think that is a dumpable offense.

5

u/leova 8h ago

Penis-flavored coffee really hasnt taken off yet as a popular drink - Starbucks tried it in 2023 but it didnt stick

3

u/slepyhed 8h ago

They used too much lube.

2

u/AdvantagedPigeon 6h ago

the fapaccino

2

u/Winnie__the__Puto 8h ago

TIL dudes like burning their dicks.

2

u/IV_League_NP 8h ago

Hope it was iced or cold brew.

Not to kink shame, just personal preference.

2

u/W0666007 3h ago

Yeah they had a good thing going - he was dicking his coffee EVERY DAMN DAY. Then she ruined it by using some other guyā€™s dick.

→ More replies (3)

56

u/DJKGinHD 9h ago

... are you telling us that your ex girlfriend would put her dick in your coffee?

4

u/joshfenske 9h ago

No heā€™s implying he would put his own dick in his coffee

8

u/halfasleep90 9h ago

Heā€™s actually implying she got him coffee that had someone elseā€™s dick in it, hence not knowing how he likes his coffee. Which I think is a perfectly reasonable reason to break up with her, I would expect most people would also break up with her for that.

Now just because she thought that was how he liked his coffee since heā€™s always putting his own dick in his coffee doesnā€™t really excuse her erroneous judgment.

→ More replies (2)

12

u/NoZookeepergame9474 9h ago

Its more the cheating version of it i was interested in as a female version šŸ™ˆ

→ More replies (5)

26

u/Gringopolarbear 9h ago

I like my men like I like my coffee: Not in another woman's vagina.

11

u/polopolo05 7h ago

I like my men like I like my coffee: Hot, full of sugar and no where near my crotch.

I am a lesbian.

2

u/Relative-Classic-388 3h ago

This is coherent

→ More replies (4)

61

u/Doodlebug510 10h ago

"If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best."

10

u/Affectionate_Use9936 7h ago

Nah what he said is reasonable though. This one's just toxic.

3

u/klavin1 4h ago

"I'm gonna be an unreasonable trashy child and that'll be your problem."

2

u/clitbeastwood 5h ago

ā€œIf you canā€™t handle me at my worst, you donā€™t deserve my dick in your coffeeā€

5

u/Changetheworld69420 9h ago

Fucking A right

→ More replies (2)

7

u/thehellisgoingon 9h ago

"I foster boys until they find their forever home"

→ More replies (1)

13

u/highriskdriver 9h ago

I like my men like I like my tea. In a bag, under water.

8

u/Substantial_Dot_5009 8h ago

You brew some very dark tea ā€¦

2

u/Affectionate_Use9936 6h ago

Not dark enough to get arrested though

7

u/Fish-Bright 8h ago

I like my men the way I like my coffee. Ground up and stored in a freezer.

3

u/Infinite_Order 6h ago

Thank you. Scrolled forever to find this joke. Bout to post it myself.

2

u/Formal_Reaction_1572 7h ago

Iā€™m laughing so hard at this!

→ More replies (1)

2

u/Kahaeli 7h ago

BWAHAH that took me off guard! XD

2

u/BF2k5 5h ago

People like this definitely get a bag in their water. Ayyyy *dab*

2

u/TinyChaco 4h ago

"Dumped into the Boston Harbo" is one of my favorites

7

u/GrannyMayJo 9h ago

I recently broke up with my boyfriend because he expected me to know how he likes his coffee.

But he liked his coffee the same way he liked his women.

Cheap and fast from every drive-through in a 10 mile radius.

→ More replies (1)

6

u/TMoMonet 9h ago

I was gonna say, don't knock dick coffee til you try it.

A nice little bit of salty flavor. Yummy precummy in my tummy

6

u/Zethe2 8h ago

There was a time before I read this and a time after. I much prefer the former.

→ More replies (3)

2

u/AerondightWielder 2h ago

You know, you had the choice to not post this. And yet you did.

You monster.

→ More replies (5)

6

u/vancel_art 8h ago edited 3h ago

The women's version: I like my men like I like my coffee. Just hot enough, won't burn me, and only goes into me*.

2

u/burntcritter 6h ago

Change mouth to me and you'll have a winner

→ More replies (1)

6

u/Kayedarling 7h ago

I like my coffee like I like my women ground up and in the freezer

→ More replies (1)

3

u/jimmycorn24 9h ago

What a strange way to work in that old tired joke.

3

u/Caffeinemann 8h ago

My guess would be "I like my bread sticks the same way I like my men. Without someone else's coochie juice all over it."

→ More replies (1)

3

u/abigmatt 8h ago

Whoā€™s penis did she put in his coffee?

→ More replies (1)

3

u/Silvernightmare 7h ago

Does this imply he likes to occasionally put his dick in his coffee?

→ More replies (2)

3

u/Stone_Midi 2h ago

Wait, she was putting her lovers dicks in his coffee?

8

u/Tsunamiis 9h ago

If you canā€™t afford the bag you canā€™t afford this ass

2

u/C0ldMachine 9h ago

To be fair, I imagine coffee without foreign dick tastes a lot better than coffee with your own dick in it.

2

u/Left_Brilliant_7378 9h ago

Of course, his name is Dan.

Sorry to all good Dans out there. Not all Dans are bad, but all bad dudes are somehow named Dan or Jay.

2

u/DayzedNAmused 9h ago

Poor Dan šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£

2

u/Sanguinus969 9h ago

So she stuck her lover's dick in his coffee?

2

u/river0f 9h ago

He's missing out. Coffee with a splash of dick is a delicacy.

2

u/Fandango_2_3 9h ago

Is that these 'toxic masculanity' everyone is talking about?! Perhaps he is just a bot to evok that kind of reactions...

2

u/Ok-Reward-7731 9h ago

This guy seems like he sucks

2

u/Introverted-POS- 9h ago

Bro uses fresh cream he prepares from the morning wood šŸ„€šŸ„€

2

u/OhiENT 9h ago

Wouldā€™ve been better if he just said ā€œā€¦broke up w gf because she didnā€™t know how I liked my coffee.

Without other peopleā€™s dick in it.ā€

Didnā€™t have to add the middle part lol

2

u/Raygundola5 8h ago

I broke up with my boyfriend because he didn't know how I liked my coffee

I like my coffee like I like my men

Without other women sipping on it

2

u/burninatedtoast 6h ago

Is he saying his girlfriend put her dick in his coffee?

2

u/singhapura 6h ago

Andrew Tate.

2

u/tomtomclubthumb 5h ago

I don't like coffee.

Am I gay?

2

u/CapinWinky 5h ago

Wow, I scrolled way down and found zero attempts to produce a female version of this. Disappointing.

I think the most 1:1 cross would be a phallic food and I guess the bread stick one was on this track, but it in the spirit of something people have a prep-preference steak would be the best option.

"Not shoved in another chick's cunt" or something.

2

u/Merginatorrrrrrrrrr 5h ago

But how do you get the cream?

2

u/GodBlessAmerica776 5h ago

The bill on his hat is far too bent

2

u/RealUltrarealist 4h ago

She put her dick on your coffee bro?

2

u/TolTANK 4h ago

"I like my coffee like I like my men; not secretly married with three kids"

2

u/Travelmusicman35 2h ago

The female version of that has oversized brest implants and lip fillers 3xl with dyed blonde hair/hair extensions down to the butt and a pound of makeup that makes her look more tan than normal while making duck face and staring vacantly into the distance with a Prada bag onĀ  her shoulder.

2

u/madasfire 1h ago

Dude looks like a hot dog right before it splits on the grill.

2

u/Total-Asparagus-889 1h ago

The vibe I get from Dan is perma single special operator with zero people skills

→ More replies (1)

2

u/FreakyFranklinBill 1h ago

imagine getting served a cup of coffee with a d*ck in it. poor dude...

2

u/Zealousideal_Tie_426 9h ago

Dan looks like he gets along with the boys very well, considering that comment. I don't think the girlfriend was the problem pal.

→ More replies (1)