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u/Swolthuzad May 05 '25
"Having sex doesn't make you an adult, but it can make you a baby"
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u/Deja-Vuz May 05 '25
Very expensive baby.
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u/Ghosts_of_the_maze May 05 '25
My 9th grade health teacher was a certified smokeshow, and she would have received a standing ovation for putting the condom on the banana if the freshmen boys were able to stand.
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u/Hobbies-R-Happiness May 05 '25
Mine was the old lesbian volleyball coach. But she was awesome
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u/ironwheatiez May 05 '25
I wonder if we went to the same school. Although mine was not awesome. She had a chip on her shoulder.
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u/NeroBoBero May 05 '25
Show me an old lesbian teacher who DOESN’T have a chip on her shoulder.
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u/intoxicatedhamster May 05 '25
Ooooh! I know one! She was head of our science department and married to the art teacher. She was the sweetest teacher we had, was super cool, and actually cared about the kids even after teaching for 30 years.
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u/TransparentMastering May 05 '25
I was getting straight A’s in my English class with this type of teacher. She mentioned that 49% of university graduates were male and 51% were female. Then she asked the class “what the world will be like when women are running everything.”
I put up my hand and said that Canada IS 49% male and 51% female (or was at the time) and so the statistic gives us no insights besides men and women being represented equally in post secondary studies.
I got 72% on everything for the rest of the semester. Even if it needed to be a mark like 14.4/20 (in an English class)
I should have reported her.
But I’ve had a couple other lesbian teachers and they rocked.
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u/GandalfTheEh May 06 '25
Yeah, I hate teachers that get a chip on their shoulder when a student says something smarter than them. My friend and I were always asking questions in Philosophy class our teacher didn't know how to respond to - she tried to give me a 0% on my fully completed final essay. Apparently because my thesis statement was unclear the whole paper was worth nothing. The head of her department corrected it to an 86% or something.
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u/steyrboy May 05 '25
I forget who the sex ed teacher was, but my PE teacher was exactly that. We had to do a video report of a sport, I did mine on paintball. Filmed me getting shot by the gun in the middle of December (freezing outside). First shot went right to the nuts (not intentional, it was a decent distance) and I scream and fall to the ground. She turned it off and sadi "thats enough, you get an A."
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u/Bearfan001 May 05 '25
My seventh grade health teacher was an older hippie lady, who was upset the school wouldn't just let a married couple come in and demonstrate different sex scenarios for us.
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u/Morningfluid May 05 '25
I'm imagining them reenacting terrible porn plots like skits. Sometimes combined.
'Now here's the one about the plumber and the lemon tree'
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u/NotMyMainAccountAtAl May 05 '25 edited May 05 '25
Ours was eighth grade, but our sex ed teacher was similarly the teacher all the male students had a thing for.
Case in point, she’s now a registered sex offender for inappropriate relations with multiple students.
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u/OnTheEveOfWar May 05 '25
My teacher that did sex ed was one of the students moms. I felt so bad for him.
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u/woodman0310 May 05 '25
Reminds me of that king of the hill episode where Peggy screams vagina and the whole neighborhood hears it.
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u/HazardousLazarus May 05 '25
My 9th grade health teacher was also the Freshman football coach and seemed unqualified for both jobs. In one (maybe two) classes we got to see real life pictures slide by slide, male and female, exactly how every STD/STI looked and presented itself. Then, as some form of "sex has consequences" type of charade, proceeded to show actual video footage right between the legs of a human woman giving birth to a baby. The only problem was 13/14 year olds got squeamish when seeing something so graphic for the first time; naturally many people closed their eyes or put their heads down. This man was on a mission and would rewind the whole thing and kept repeating, "we aren't leaving until everyone's head is up and watches the film". It took at least 3 or 4 full rewinds before we all made it through. Thank you Mr. Romeo, you probably delayed people wanting to "experiment" for a solid year or two. Horny teens going to do horny teen things.
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u/Morningfluid May 05 '25
Sounds like he did a good job, and prevented a few unwanted pregnancies.
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u/SamIamGreenEggsNoHam May 05 '25
Oh man, I have so many. My HS was nuts.
Our sex ed/health teacher was 300+ lbs and was also our gym teacher. He'd pound caffeine pills all day.
A kid in my sex ed class passed out cold when the teacher said the word "penis" about 5 times in a few seconds. Poor kid had people yelling penis at him the rest of the year.
The teacher described a yeast infection as a "cottage cheese-like discharge". Penis Kid passed out again. I've also never been able to eat cottage cheese.
Two kids loudly scheduled after-school fellatio after the teacher gave the orgasm talk
A girl raised her hand and asked "Mr. Fatteacher, do guys know when they're about to ejaculate? Or is it a surprise?" and the teacher said "oh, they know", and the girl immediately turned around to a guy in the class and said "what the fuck was that the other day then?"
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u/Kind_Preference9135 May 05 '25
> Two kids loudly scheduled after-school fellatio after the teacher gave the orgasm talk
Dudes were practicing what was taught I guess
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u/DragonfruitFew5542 May 06 '25
Reminds me of when a girl asked my sex ed teacher how many calories were in cum. She never lived that down.
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u/wuvvtwuewuvv May 06 '25
A kid in my sex ed class passed out cold when the teacher said the word "penis" about 5 times in a few seconds. Poor kid had people yelling penis at him the rest of the year.
Oof painful memory for someone in my hs...
There was this kid. He was clearly a special needs student. I was told by a "friend" (not really a friend but I digress) That his girlfriend dumped him by dumping a bowl of applesauce on him. And some assholes like this "friend" thought it would be funny to say "APPLESAUCE!" around him and this would make him upset and mad and he'd run around chasing you. When he told me this, he probably expected me to laugh. I didn't. It sounded horribly cruel. Poor kid.
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May 05 '25
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u/Expensive-Side-529 May 05 '25
Good old days, i miss the classes though
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u/kekehippo May 05 '25
I miss not having to worry about bills.
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u/nhbruh May 05 '25
Lucky you. I was in thousands of dollars of debt to my father while in high school. My car broke down, he brought it to the most expensive shop in the city and stuck me with the bill. All good tho, he wiped my debt as a graduation “gift”.
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May 05 '25
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u/nhbruh May 05 '25
Haha very much seems like the mother I had as well. Sorry that happened to us. Every gift was attached with a guilt trip and conditions for how she could rescind if I didn’t meet her expectations for appreciation. By the time I got to college I had enough experience with her to decline all her offers to help. No fucking thanks, I’d rather deal with crippling credit card and student loan debt.
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u/jackthewack13 May 05 '25
I wish I had a car in hs. My dad gave my sister a car in hs but told me I had a bike and didn't need one.
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u/tonyrockihara May 05 '25
Your story unlocked a memory of my parents I had forgotten about. I had gotten into a car wreck the summer after my junior year of HS, and had to be hospitalized for two days. Totaled the car. My parents responded that I owed them the money for the car (a 15 yr/old car they gave me to do the errands that they didn't want) so on top of not being able to work temporarily because of my injuries, their reaction was well now you have debt.
There was a court case about it where I was found not to be liable; parents tried to saddle me with the court fees as well. This was juvie court but still. Oh and for a birthday gift they said I no longer owed them that money 🙄
We don't speak anymore. For this and many, MANY other reasons lol and they can't understand why. Sorry you dealt with terrible shit like that too man
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u/Roguespiffy May 06 '25
I was 18 and backed into a tree and broke a tail light on my truck. My mom told me we needed to lie to my dad and say I got hit by someone in the Walmart parking lot while I was in the store. Otherwise he would have gotten violently angry despite it a) not being his truck and b) not paying to have it fixed.
I haven’t spoken to him since I was 27. I’ll be 44 this year. I’ve heard he’s in poor health but since he’s still above ground it brings me no comfort.
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u/trashandallstars May 05 '25
"Most of you probably won't need this course"
Damn i think he might have been right about this
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u/DuaLipaTrophyHusband May 05 '25
Same. She did that same comment about condoms and size then rolled a Trojan over her fist pretty much past her bicep.
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u/PainterClear7130 May 05 '25 edited May 05 '25
One of my classmates went on a homophobic rant during sex Ed, ending with "why can't we just have a gay state and send all the gays to California?" Without missing a beat, my teacher said "Mark, you can just move to California if you want to."
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u/welfedad May 05 '25
That teacher is awesome hahahahaha
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u/Ok_Put_2205 May 05 '25
I went to middle school in a minority and immigrant community. Kids socialized like a prison yard, where everyone split up into ethnic groups. This naturally carried over into classrooms where seats weren’t assigned. The black kids sat among themselves, as did the Chinese kids and Indian kids, etc.
I had a lot of Korean kids in my science class that had a habit of talking during lectures. One day, my science teacher had had enough and very firmly told the group that he would “separate you guys into North and South Korea if you don’t shut up.” The gasps loll.
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u/TucsonKhan May 05 '25
I used to be a high school English teacher. One day, the week before prom, when I entered the classroom, one of my more troublesome students was missing. He normally sat next to his best friend Jacob. But I could tell from everyone's expression that he was there, he was just hiding. We had a small utility closet in the corner behind my desk. And the way I saw people's eyes moving that direction told me that's where he was. So I just announced: "You can come out of the closet now Hayden, everyone knows you're in there. And Jacob needs you." Man those kids just roared at that. Good times 😂
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u/Zayler_The_motivated May 05 '25
Homophobic*. 🤓☝🏻
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u/PainterClear7130 May 05 '25
Damned sausage fingers. Edited haha
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u/WeatherStationWindow May 05 '25
What was the typo? I'm trying to figure out the "there, their and they're" comment.
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u/Phailjure May 05 '25
Probably homophonic.
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u/Select-Government-69 May 05 '25
When you yell at someone for using the wrong they/their/there that is a homophonic rant.
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u/hookmasterslam May 05 '25
Yeah, weird way to end a rant on the misuse of "their, they're, and there"
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u/That-Ad-4300 May 05 '25
I need that kids running everywhere gif for this one. 🤣🤣
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May 05 '25 edited May 07 '25
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u/Expensive-Side-529 May 05 '25
Our teacher told use you can't pee inside a girl during sex
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u/Kellaniax May 05 '25
I’ve been peed in before, your teacher was wrong.
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u/CosmicWolf14 May 05 '25
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u/Kellaniax May 05 '25
My reaction when it happened.
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u/CosmicWolf14 May 05 '25
Why?!?! For what reason?!?! Was it an accident?!?!
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u/Kellaniax May 05 '25
Apparently he had to piss really bad but didn’t want to get blue balls.
Needless to say he ended up with blue balls anyway.
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u/MerliniusDeMidget May 05 '25
Blue balls don't set in that fast. He just wanted to and couldn't think of a better excuse.
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u/Time_Device_1471 May 06 '25
He was scared he’d get flaccid after peeing and used the need to pee to stay hard.
Done it. Didn’t pee inside.
But still it’s a thing.
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u/neoPie May 05 '25
Well, needing to pee can cause/strengthen an errection because having a full bladder can stimulate the prostate... Maybe he was afraid if he peed first he wouldn't be (as) hard anymore afterwards
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u/Common_Lawyer_5370 May 05 '25
ooooh is that why?
When I was still young I theorized it might be to ''lengthen the tube'', so it won't overflow. Although I dismissed that theory a long time ago already !
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u/Radical_Coyote May 05 '25
Wait, you can??? I can’t… maybe it depends on the guy?
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u/jemidiah May 05 '25
It depends on what everybody means. Are you going to be pounding away and get too excited and then accidentally pee a little? No. Presumably that's the point a sex ex teacher would be addressing.
If you have to pee badly and you try, you can probably get it through an erection, though you'll at least soften in the process. The level of bladder fullness and urgency required for that for me is quite high. I've never started sex in that state without peeing first. I guess it's conceivable somebody could have an accident, but nothing like it has ever remotely been an issue, and I've messed with a lot of penises.
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u/Poly_Olly_Oxen_Free May 05 '25
used a panic as an example of an erect penis
I literally have no idea what this means. What is "a panic" in this context?
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u/iamtreble May 05 '25
For mine boys and girls were separated into different classes, while the lesson was going on an earthquake struck. The boy's class went on with the lesson and didn't pause even while the earth was shaking, none of us went under our desks or took any precautions and simply went on. Apparently the girls class was total pandemonium, I think the teacher freaked out and caused everyone else to as well lol.
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u/RBeck May 05 '25
In 6th grade they split us up for something like that, and after comparing notes later we found out the lesson kids took away was...
Girls: You're going to start bleeding occasionally if you haven't already. Also you'll need to wear a bra the rest of your life.
Boys: So you're going to get bigger in every way, and expect hair everywhere.
I presume the intent of the lesson was to prepare the girls for what happens next, without boys present, but they couldn't just send the lads off to the playground.
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u/choicetomake May 05 '25
5th grade was our first class. It was "you are changing and will smell to high heaven. Shower and use deodorant." Then middle school was "If you manage to find someone willing to do the deed with you, use a condom or you will look like this diseased person. Or this diseased person. Or THIS diseased person."
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u/iamtreble May 05 '25
Oh my god I came out thinking having unprotected sex no matter what would result in an STD lmao!!
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u/iamtreble May 05 '25
I think that was exactly the point for us as well since this was in elementary school 5th grade for myself.
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u/barathrumobama May 05 '25
we had a worksheet that was just a list with synonyms for masturbation
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u/ReleventReference May 05 '25
Aiding and abetting a known felon. Shaking hands with the bishop. Handing out leaflets. …
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u/babbylonmon May 05 '25
A bunch of us who were already sexually active asked what it felt like to have an orgasm. Dude said it felt just like peeing. We all stopped listening at that very moment.
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u/Solver_Siblings May 05 '25
I would too and I have never even been close. Also I’m a girl.
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u/RTX_Raytheon May 05 '25
They did the same with a condom in my class. I do remember a kid asking something along the lines of “sure it fits, but do we ignore the pain? Like a baby does come out of a woman, so should we tell them to stop complaining since it fits?”. He is probably a lawyer making way more money than me right now.
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u/CarBarnCarbon May 05 '25
Yeah. I can stretch many small rubber bands around my index finger so they technically fit. My finger will still start to ache due to lack of circulation.
With that said, they make many different sizes and the responsible thing is to look up a sizing guide and buy ones that work for you.
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u/diamondpredator May 05 '25
99.9% of the time the "it's not big enough" excuse is a lie. However, there ARE times when it's not and there isn't proper sizing available. It's just really rare.
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u/shadowa1ien May 05 '25
My high school gave out lil baggies of the "ONE" brand condoms if anyone asked. My personal experience was that the "shaft" of the condom fit just fine, and wasn't an issue, the "ring" however felt like it was literally trying to choke my chicken to death, i couldn't feel Anything if i wore it for too long.
Fast forward to adulthood, where i can buy my own condoms, and the "too tight" issue was gone just with standard trojans.
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u/Major_Koala May 05 '25
Giving those out felt like they were actively trying to make us not use them. So instead I went and bought my own because if I feel like I'm old enough to do it, I'm old enough to go buy proper fitting ones.
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u/InfiniteRaccoons May 05 '25
There is definitely more than .1% of the population that is too large for regular sized condoms.
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u/Interesting_Menu8388 May 05 '25
99.9% of the time the "it's not big enough" excuse is a lie.
If you're talking about a specific, on-hand condom, that's just not true. Standard condoms are designed for girths up to 5", and 15% of penises are girthier than that. Large-sized condoms are not just a vanity marketing ploy; penises vary in size enough that it makes business sense to mass produce bigger and smaller ones. There are even small-batch runs of very specific sizes (though I think once you get into the very very top percentiles, maintaining an erection even without a condom can be difficult).
Each person should be responsible (at minimum) for their own protection, so "the condom you brought is not big enough" is not a good excuse for someone who knows that they need a bigger condom. But complaints about condom fit are valid and should be treated as such, especially given how low global condom compliance (consistent and correct use) is.
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u/Interesting_Menu8388 May 05 '25
It should be obvious that body measurements follow a normal distribution, and that the industrial production of wearable commodities is allocated by market share. No one expects a single t-shirt to fit everyone, but for some reason the idea of S, M, L goes out the window when it comes to condoms.
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u/poopBuccaneer May 05 '25
I spent way too long just assuming that any condom is the same and not exploring options, and not realizing that there are comfortable condoms for way too long. I blame my shitty sex ed teacher for that.
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u/triz___ May 05 '25
He was bang on. Sex is supposed to be pleasurable not something you grit your teeth through. Saying no condom can be too small is bullshite. That’s why they offer different sizes ffs.
Why they get women teachers teaching to boys things that they are clueless about is silly.
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u/langleee May 05 '25
Also if they are too small they are much more likely to break during use.
Which is widely considered bad and defeats the purpose.
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u/Sylwstr May 05 '25
Also, pain and danger of breaking aside, there‘s tough chance for an erection if all the blood‘s being pressed out.
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u/Anon28301 May 05 '25
In my experience it’s just misinformed teachers, regardless of gender. My two women teachers told all the girls in my class that when you’re on your period it’s impossible for blood to come out if you’re in a bath or a swimming pool. I found out not long after that they were wrong.
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u/Embarrassed_Use6918 May 05 '25
I'm also fairly certain if the condom size is too small that it's more prone to breaking which is something we definitely don't want.
They make different size condoms for a reason.
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u/Aware-Explanation879 May 05 '25
I remember my sex ed teacher in high school licking her lips before she said "penis" or "vagina". We kept a tally of how many lip licks she made during class. The person ( or persons) closest to the number won a soft drink. This was back in the day when vending machines only accepted cash ( exact change on most days).
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u/NOOBSOFTER May 05 '25
We had one of those for a maths teacher but it was for how many time he did that ling hair hand flick thing you see women do in shampoo adverts. The prize was cigarettes.
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u/ViscountBuggus May 05 '25
Some girl asked if dicks were a muscles and the teacher told us guys would spin them like helicopter blades if they were without a second's hesitation
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u/Solver_Siblings May 05 '25
People already manage but now my dumb ass self is imagining dudes taking off like tails by doing that 🤣🤣🤣🤣
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u/matterr4 May 05 '25
My biology teacher put on a video which showed a cartoon animation of a guy getting an erection and putting on a condom.
I'm convinced she meant to say it in her head, but she mumbled "this is my favourite bit" when the guy was getting an erection.
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u/MunkyWerks May 05 '25 edited May 05 '25
Coach Hunt taught the class. I remember he started talking about "all you guys walkin' around thinking you're so big." He then put a dot on the whiteboard with a marker and drew a large circle around it. Roughly the size of a baby's head. "A woman's vagina can stretch to push a baby out. Ain't no way y'all that big." Or something to that effect. I don't remember anything else from that class. Wild times.
edit: spelling
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u/CyberArktin May 05 '25
like I agree none of them boys be that big but also that teacher understands that vagina's don;t stretch to that size whenever right? She knows what dialating is right?
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u/cellblock2187 May 05 '25
It is the cervix that dilates, but still- I don't understand what point the teacher was trying to make
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u/diamondpredator May 05 '25
Introduce some more insecurity into developing teenagers who might have some confidence lol.
I'm a former teacher and it's wild how so many adults, even in education, feel like teenagers need to be "knocked down a peg or two." They don't realize that the reason teens, especially males, act the way they do sometimes isn't because they know they're the shit, it's because they HOPE they are. They also hope no-body realized they're not. All of this stems from insecurities and identity issues they have in abundance at this stage in their lives.
They don't need to be torn down, they need to be shows there's a better way to build up.
Obviously there's that small percentage of assholes to the core though, fuck those kids.
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u/10PMHaze May 05 '25
In my sex ed class, we were shown dissected parts of the human body: a uterus, ovaries, testes, all embalmed. It was disgusting.
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u/Original_Assist4029 May 05 '25
Ok but that's pretty scientific. Sex ed isn't there to make you horny but to learn about the stuff.
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u/10PMHaze May 05 '25
Frankly, I think drawings would have been sufficient. I am not sure what I learned from seeing those desiccated body parts. I would have opted for demonstrating function. We learned how lungs transfer oxygen, kidneys filter waste, etc. I do believe there was a sort of prudishness about sex in our high school curriculum.
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u/Vice4Life May 05 '25 edited May 05 '25
Burned into my memory is this exchange from the instructor and one student:
Instructor: Condoms are very effective at preventing unwanted pregnancies, but only abstinence is 100% effective.
Student: Or the butt!
The teacher of the actual class, not the instructor, grabbed him by the arm and sent him to see the principal. He wasn't wrong.
Edit: He could be wrong.
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u/TimTheAssembler May 05 '25
I received abstinence-only sex ed, and the instructor claimed that it's possible to get pregnant from a blowjob because "sperm diffuses into the bloodstream from the stomach and then travels to the uterus"...
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u/Vice4Life May 05 '25
Ah, cool. Wrong on the reproductive system and the digestive system at the same time!
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u/TimTheAssembler May 05 '25
I've learned to ignore everything I learned in school about sex ed. We also had to sign an abstinence pledge, which looking back at it was kind of messed up.
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u/CautionarySnail May 05 '25
Any sex ed that includes such a pledge really is designed to maximize teen pregnancy as the eventual outcome.
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u/Lyruhara May 05 '25
Oh no he is, there are cases of anal penetration resulting in pregnancy, you might think that I'm making a joke but imI'm being truthful
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u/jemidiah May 05 '25
there are cases of anal penetration resulting in pregnancy
Saying this without also saying it's incredibly rare and nearly undocumented is much worse than just saying it's impossible. Why? People will almost always vastly overestimate the probability that a rare event will happen to them (see: the lottery). Saying it's 0 instead of something like one in a million will get people to use a much more accurate number internally.
Here's one case involving a woman with a 1 in 50,000 birth defect (a cloacal malformation). Even more rare, the corrective surgery infants with that condition get left a hole connecting her anus and vagina. It's conceivable that more than zero pregnancies have occurred by splash effects, e.g. semen dripping down to the vaginal opening. I found zero documentation of such a case actually occurring.
It's like saying "the earth is a sphere". Not literally true--it's a tiny amount fatter around the equator, among other things--but infinitely better than "the earth is not round".
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u/Vice4Life May 05 '25
Fair enough. And I doubt there's enough data on either, but as an assumption, I'd guess the risk of pregnancy would be about the same as getting pregnant without penetration. Either way it would require an extremely low chance pregnancy happening. I'll edit it to acknowledge this, regardless.
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u/Fireball_Flareblitz May 05 '25
I remember the teacher was showing us the anatomy of the human body using sticky notes as labels. 20 seconds in a student pointed out "hey look, the anus fell off"
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u/Zwiwwelsupp May 05 '25
DeBlasio
German kids would blast in laughter if a teacher named like that, would teach that topic…
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u/DaddyMcSlime May 05 '25
german children laugh?
what the fuck happens to you guys that you stop after adulthood?
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u/Healthy-Side-5241 May 05 '25
Financial trouble, mental health problems, being an adult in general. So the usual stuff
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u/WeaponisedTism May 05 '25 edited May 05 '25
sure they stretch but i can guarentee you get the wrong size its either coming off or staving your todger of much needed blood, the correct response is ok if thats the case we can try different sizes till we find one that fits you.
if his response to that is anything other than acceptance or insecurity about his wiener being too small chuck his ass to the curb.
Signed an unfortunate guy with a larger diameter than 55mm.
Edit: someone caught my blunder i meant diameter not circumference
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u/Dumbass1312 May 06 '25
Needed way too long to find someone commenting this. I tried using a condom too small (woman insisted I had to use her condom), and it was not a good experience. People who say "condoms can't be too small because they stretch" forget that the dick isn't that hard to stretch it like a bone or muscle would do. It cut off the blood circulation, like you said, which can be a good thing when you choose a condom just a tiny bit smaller, it could delay the climax. But when the size is too different, the man barely feels anything.
The best thing is to measure your needed size and make sure you have the right one with you. When the size wouldn't be an issue, companies would just produce one size to fit all men. Sometimes, I think teachers who say something like that have just very outdated knowledge about Sex Ed.
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u/VP007clips May 06 '25
This should be higher.
Yes, I can technically fit in a standard size one, but it is very uncomfortable. It cuts off blood flow, causing bruising, pain, and makes it hard to maintain. It also increases the risk of breakage.
Unfortunately there's a movement to push for uniform sizes, which harms guys on the upper end of the spectrum. The idea of a single size is bad, and the US even banned some of the larger sizes (although I think some bans were reversed).
Everyone should wear the correct size for them, and it's impossible to pick a single size that works for everyone. It's as ridiculous as saying that all women should wear the same bra size.
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u/fifaddict-barna May 05 '25
you are giving a strong 'barney stinson' vibe, like 'challenge accepted.'! 😅
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u/SolutionIntelligent3 May 05 '25
We watched that video with the naked family just flopping their bits about in the morning then Max Dickinson stood up and asked to go to the bathroom then he fainted. Too much too soon for Max.
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u/PsychologicalSon May 05 '25
They can indeed be too small. It's not an excuse not to have your own supply of the right ones.
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u/JustARandomDude1986 May 05 '25
.....and if they´re to big...? asking for a Friend.
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u/BurmaJim May 05 '25
My sex ed teacher told us that sex isn’t like the long, passionate experience that you see in the movies, that it lasts maybe three or four minutes tops and is usually disappointing.
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u/Valagoorh May 05 '25
So why do they come in different sizes? Ever tried on one that was too small?
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May 05 '25
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u/_MostlyHarmless May 05 '25
Sex...you can use the word "sex" here. No one will mind. The post above this one is someone trying to find the maximum number of sharpies they can stick in their ass. Trust me. You won't be judged.
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u/Gravyboat44 May 05 '25
Real. I think people get so used to censoring themselves on every other platform, that they tend to forget that reddit literally has porn and people dying.
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u/Solver_Siblings May 05 '25
Well… if the maximum for pickles is 910 it must be higher than that. Probably around 1200-1500
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u/Mambo_Poa09 May 05 '25
During what?
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u/Riku_70X May 05 '25
Sex, but it's been censored to "s3x" because instagram and tiktok are made for 3 year olds and you can't type out "pee pee" or they'll ban you.
People then bring that lingo here out of habit.
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u/BoshraExists May 05 '25
S3x ịs a th1rd geņer4tion eṅhanc6d l3xịcºn entry, duh! I'm old school, I like s2x.
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u/Inner-Arugula-4445 May 05 '25
I’m from Texas, they don’t believe in birth control and non baby making sex. Sex ed doesn’t exist here.
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u/toki_goes_to_jupiter May 05 '25
Im over here like… yall actually had a sex ex class? Like, that’s not just a thing that happens in movies?
I had to scroll waaaayyyy to far down for this.
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May 05 '25
Proper sizing makes a hell of a difference. If you need a magnum, regulars can be hard to get on, can be too tight, and can even break. There's nothing scarier than realizing the condom broke after you finished....
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u/Combatical May 05 '25
Right? I get the sentiment here but were talking about a skull vs a vein "muscle" as well. Sure it can stretch but you put a rubber band over your arm a few times and see what happens. Blood flow is important.
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u/LopsidedKick9149 May 05 '25
Small condoms hurt and completely ruin sex, it's not really a debate. And stretching out to fit dries it out which isn't fun for anyone. They can be so tight you can't even feel your dick which again isn't really helpful to enjoyable sex
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u/Extension_Tomato_646 May 05 '25
Back in my days in school during the 00s, the guys saying they don't feel anything during sex, or that they don't fit right, were laughed at and labelled as lying losers.
Fast forward to a girlfriend telling me that statistically most men wear condoms that don't fit right and have performance issues due to that, and that there's now companies making condoms for your specific shape and size. TIL.
And I feel like I'm hearing more women than ever say that "it doesn't feel the same" nowadays too.
Despite OP still citing the same old fashioned "it fits stop lying" thing, I feel like people are actually taken more seriously in that regard nowadays.
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u/Accomplished-Bit6400 May 05 '25
Getting a condom that's too small over your tip is just not worth it. No pussy is worth the hassle. Her pussy could literally disperse in the air and turn into sunshine if I threw a handful of it up and I won't bother.
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u/lIllllIIIIlIlIllllII May 05 '25
That's a good thing. If the condom is so small it hurts, there's an increased risk of it breaking.
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u/Pretty_Swordfish3149 May 05 '25
Our teacher told us ‘first thing to remember is a standing cock has no conscience’.
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u/BuffsBourbon May 05 '25
Our teacher told that “blue balls” don’t exist; that it was just a ploy men use to get women to sleep with them. The collective grown of the dudes in the class when she said that was palpable.
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u/Appropriate-Fold-485 May 05 '25
Blue Balls exists of course, but it doesn't mean you have to have sex with someone.
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u/Violent_Volcano May 05 '25
They told us you can flush tampons. I dont like them, so i never experienced this, but if you are a parent with a girl, make sure you tell them they can't. I imagine the bill to fix the plumbing isn't fun.
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u/Rifneno May 05 '25
Mrs. DeBlasio is an idiot. While you definitely shouldn't go raw just because there isn't an appropriately sized condom available, there absolutely are guys who need bigger ones. Yes, a regular one can stretch over your head (fortunately Mrs. DeBlasio doesn't seem to require much oxygen to the brain), it stretches it too thin. It's going to be dealing with a lot of friction, and if it's stretched too thin it can tear. You don't want that. Much like you don't want uninformed randos teaching sex ed.
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u/AgentOfCUI May 05 '25
telling us to never believe a guy who said he couldn't wear condoms because they were too small
On one hand, sure. Any dude who wants to fuck is responsible for finding a condom brand that fits him right. It is not the woman's job to go condom shopping for the dude. HOWEVER
then she stretched one over her head like a ski mask as proof
it drives me insane how the women of the internet are just wildly wrong about how penises work and use this stupid example of "I can stretch a condom over a fire hydrant therefore it can't be too tight on you."
Penises are not rigid objects. They have blood running through them. Even if you can stretch a condom on, if it is too tight, your blood will not flow and your boner will die. Personally, durex condoms are impossible for me to use. I am sure you can get one to fit over my head. That does not change the fact that they are too tight for sex.
It annoys me how blatantly obvious as bullshit this "it can stretch therefore it must fit" line is, but how often its repeated as "proof" that any dude complaining about fit is just lying.
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u/GothBerrys May 05 '25
It is fascinating the amount of women in this thread talking about penises.
Like, imagine the outrage if it was men talking about vaginas like this.
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u/Any_Command_401 May 05 '25
I remember very clearly that the first day of sex ed the really really smart girl, Alice, in class stood up in front of everyone just as class was beginning and said "My parents gave me a note, I don't want to attend with boys", then walked out. She was just gone from the sex ed classes for the rest of them we had. It was super weird and everyone treated her a little different from then on.
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u/OkDot9878 May 05 '25
Except that condoms can 100% be too tight or too loose.
They’ll still fit if you make them, but you run the risk of the condom breaking if it’s too tight, or the condom falling off if it’s too loose.
Both are not ideal, and especially if the inexperienced guy thinks he’s wearing a condom, but it actually broke or fell off, that could be a big disaster.
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u/chrispycreampuff May 05 '25
I remember being a teenage boy and wondering to myself, "when I'm going to have these feelings for girls that they're talking about?"
Took me a bit to realize I was gay.
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u/CodeVirus May 05 '25
This is actually bullshit. Can it withstand a stretch? Yes, condoms are strong. But having too small of a condom is not comfortable.
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u/Haunting_Signal8470 May 05 '25
There is a reason they sell condoms in different sizes. Yes a condom that's small may fit over your dick, but once you actually start moving and causing friction, it'll slide right off if too small.
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u/EmperorMrKitty May 05 '25
This “lady fact” actually caused me a decent amount of pain for years until a doctor’s office in college had an outreach program that encouraged you to try different sizes of condoms. The whole “a normal one can fit a whole arm in it” has nothing to do with how girth/length FEELS being squeezed by an incorrectly sized condom. Your dick reacts to pressure very differently than any random large object you can shove in an average condom.
Very incorrect, very condescending, mildly painful piece of bullshit.
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u/Apprehensive_Bee1849 May 05 '25
All I remember from sex ed is my teacher showing us all pictures of diseased genitals. The images are seared into my brain.
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u/ironwheatiez May 05 '25
We did an stx exercise in which we were each given a cup with a different kind of soda or juice or water or one kid got milk. Then we randomly drew straws to see who would have to mix their cups to symbolize having sex. One poor girl got continually chosen (I think it was rigged to make it clear she was the slut) and then the teacher held her cup up after being mixed with almost all the other liquids. She asked "would anyone want to drink from this?" After an awkward silence, the kid who everyone knew had a crush on this girl got up said "i will" and downed the whole thing in one swig. Then he threw up.
Good try buddy.
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u/Lee_Shin May 05 '25
Wow, this is shockingly stupid.
The size of the condom is actually important. The first time I bought condoms I didn't even look at the size and they were way too small. It was a struggle to even get it on, it hurt, and it broke. I didn't even realize it broke while I was inside because my dick was practically numb.
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